Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I’m your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I’m an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I’m going to give you your weekly horoscope and no bullshit, mystical advice for living your very best life.

On January 5th of 2021, Georgia has the opportunity to flip the US senate blue. And whether or not you’re in Georgia, you can get involved. Here are some organizations that you can donate to and volunteer with, and the links to them all will be show notes. 

One super star on the political scene is Stacey Abrams. I know you’ve heard of her, but let me just tell you about her organization Fair Fight, whose mission it is to advocate for free and fair elections by fighting voter suppression and promoting fair elections in Georgia, as well as around the country. You can donate and find out more about how to get involved over at fairfight.com. 

Now, there’s another organization I want to share with you, which is called The New Georgia Project. They seek to empower the new American majority to vote through advocacy and engagement. You can go to their website at thenewgeorgiaproject.org to donate and get involved. 

And, finally, you need to know about Black Voters Matter. Their goal is to increase power in marginalized, predominately Black communities. Effective voting allows a community to determine its own destiny. Get involved and donate at blackvotersmatterfund.org. Link to all three of these orgs will remain in show notes.

My loves and my darlings, this here is the last week of 2020 and the first week of 2021, all wrapped up in a single episode. And so, of course, I had to choose a really complicated question for this week, and it comes from Life Limiting Stubbornness and Attachment to Money—that’s her name. Okay, it says this, “Jessica, I need your help. I have never been very good at being a mum. I have 30-year-old daughter who is an accountant freshly qualified, thanks to Saturn in Cap, and I have a 28-year-old son, who is a father of three, who is chronically unemployed due to a feeling of entitlement and a girlfriend who will facilitate his lifestyle. 

My daughter is a near perfect child, and even when my son was a toddler, I could not get past this feeling of him being a mix of all of mine and his father’s worst traits, whilst our daughter got all the good ones, and it’s prompted me to spend significantly more time with her. 

It has become apparent that our son has severe ADHD and dyslexia, and I can’t get past the guilt and shame. His difficult nature was not his fault. He was embodying everything I didn’t like about myself and it led me to irrevocably alter the quality of his life forever. I couldn’t handle the worst parts of myself, and now I have three grandbabies I will never know because my son will not forgive me for not catching and treating his ADHD as a child. He frequently shuts me out of his life at the slightest upset, and I’m at a point where the unchangeable regret is too overwhelming and the grief of loss of being a regular grandparent rather than a ghost to the children is all consuming. 

How can I work through my challenges in my chart so that I can show up in a healthier way and begin to repair my relationship with my son? I want to lead by example, but the longer it takes me to master this, the more I am losing precious time with my grandkids.” 

And then she goes forth to tell me the Sun, Moon, and Rising of both of her children, but I won’t share that since they haven’t consented to it. And it says, “I do not have access to my birth time, but perhaps my children’s placements may be of some help. Ever so thankful for your assistance. Stay safe and happy holidays.” And then she does share that her birth date is September 1st, 1967, again, birth time is unknown. And I think I’m pronouncing this right, it’s in Blenheim, New Zealand. 

So there’s a lot, a lot of layers to this question, and we’re going to unpack them all. But I want to first just acknowledge very broadly speaking, without an exact time of birth, what we cannot do is pull up a birth chart. That means we don’t know the Ascendent, the Midheaven, or the house placements. We also cannot reliably use the Moon because the Moon moves so quickly through the zodiacal degrees in a given day that there can be changes to the Moon based on the time. These are really important details. So while I see that mum—I’ll just call you mum—that mum has a Moon in Cancer, it actually might be a Moon in Leo. I’m not sure. But probably is a Moon in Cancer, but we’re not sure. 

So basically, what I can do, or what an astrologer can do is look at a person’s planetary alignment, that is to say natal aspects—the mathematical relationship between the planets on the date of birth. That’s not the same as looking at a birth chart. It doesn’t give you all the same information. It doesn’t give you as much information. House placements, Ascendent, Midheaven—massively important content, okay. That said, we can still gain a lot of insight through planetary alignment. 

So, mum, I will start off by saying there are a lot of layers to your question. You’ve loaded up a ton of issues in this question. And I want to try to address as many of them as I can. So the first thing is you are saying that you really, really like your daughter, that you feel that she is a perfect child. You are clearly very proud of her and her accomplishments, and you just think she’s cool. You like her. That is wonderful. 

You also throw into your question that you don’t really like your son. That is really complicated. If we’re being honest, a lot of people don’t like their children, and everybody who has a child has this hope and dream and conviction that, of course, you’re going to like your child. But as a person who’s been counselling humans for 25 years, I can tell you not everyone likes their child—that’s just not reality. And that is complicated. And it’s fucked up, and it’s also human. It’s all the things. 

Before I kind of dive too deeply into this question, I want to acknowledge that parents are just people who happen to have had children, right. It is really important for anyone listening to this who has trauma with their own parents to really remember that your parents are just fucked up adults trying—trying their best. Maybe they’re not trying very hard, maybe their best isn’t good enough, maybe they’re perfect. 

As you’re saying, mum, in this question, is that you had a favorite and that you spent a lot more time with your favorite child because she was a pleasure for you to be around. On the one hand, that’s fair. You get along really well with someone who you happen to live with who you loved—great. Wonderful. The trouble is, of course, that you spent more time with her, significantly more time with her than with your son, so there’s no way that he didn’t feel rejected and hurt by that, right. 

And I think this is the first thing for me to bookmark here. That issue of you not wanting to spend time with your child is actually reiterated in your question, and so it’s a big part of your problem. Because even at the end of your question, what you do say to me is that you want to work through the challenges in your chart so you can repair your relationship with him, your son, so that you can be with your grandkids, not so that you can be with him. And if you’re saying that to me, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that he’s picked up on that as well. 

So if you’re going to effectively repair your relationship with your son, it has to be because of him and not because of your desire to be a grandparent. And this is, regardless of astrological sign or placement, a very important thing for you to hear. When an apology comes with a defense, or when an apology comes with an ask—I’ve apologized to you for x, so will you please give me y—when that occurs, it’s not a great apology, okay. 

Ideally speaking, what we want to strive to do is to make amends. So that is apology followed up with action. In the case of a parent and a child, when a child feels rejected by a parent and then the parent apologizes, then the child has every right to, and we should as adults expect that child to, reject the parent. You reject me, I reject you. Because you taught your child that they were rejectable and that love is not reliable. Because I’m sure you were there for your son sometimes, but then kept on returning to your daughter over time spent with your son, over energy given to your son. And so, I want to acknowledge that there is no way to center or prioritize your relationship with your grandchildren over your relationship with your son and have it work. And you got to really look at that. 

It is hard when you have family members that you do not like, even if you love them. The work of this is to make the decision to find something that you do like about them and to focus the relationship on that. Now, that’s a couple steps ahead of where you are, unfortunately, because your son is actively saying you’re not entitled to my life. You’re not entitled to the good stuff in my life. 

You say in your question some kind of confusing things. You say that your child has ADHD and dyslexia and that you feel absolutely awful that you didn’t catch it and that you weren’t able to support him through that. And honestly, I believe you—I really believe you, and I’ll also say you were born in 1967. Your kids are around 30. Catching ADHD and catching dyslexia for anyone who’s 30 years old or older, it was a lot harder to do. Those diagnoses are more in the collective now. So I think that that cultural context is an important one for me to acknowledge. 

But here’s the thing, you say that you feel bad about having not spent a lot of time with him or having not favored him. You say that you feel bad that he has qualities and characteristics that you don’t like in yourself—and we’re going to come back to that one—but you also say he’s entitled, and that’s why he doesn’t have a job, and that his girlfriend facilitates his lifestyle. Not his girlfriend supports him. Not he has a learning disability and trauma and that’s why he doesn’t work. So within the second sentence of your email to me, you kind of cut your son down, and then you go forth to contradict that a little bit, which is, I think, very honest of you. It’s honest and also, right. 

It’s like you really see him as entitled. You see him as somebody who doesn’t try, and you see his girlfriend as somebody who’s enabling him to be unemployed, right. That’s what you’re saying. I wonder, though, is that true? Is he entitled? Is his girlfriend enabling him? I don’t know, maybe. I don’t know anything about him. Is it also possible that he has learning disabilities and that’s why he has a hard time with getting employment? Is he a stay-at-home parent? Is he centering and prioritizing giving his children the attention and energy that he feels he didn’t get from you? Is that what’s upsetting to you? 

I don’t have enough information to know, but there’s a contradiction in this message you’ve written to me that I’m sure comes across to him. And for as long as you feel that way, that he’s entitled and, essentially, it sounds like lazy—chronically unemployed, I don’t see what his motive would be to have you in his life in an intimate way. 

You say that you have a great deal of regret, and I believe you. But I worry that your regret is more the consequences of your conduct, and your regret is more that you don’t especially like him, than it is the ways in which you mistreated him. Whether or not that’s the case, it’s a good question for you to ask yourself, right. 

Which actually brings me to your planetary alignment, not your birth chart. You have a stellium in Virgo. You’ve got a Venus, Sun, Mercury, Pluto, Uranus—that’s five planets in Virgo, all sitting on top of each other quite closely. You also have a Neptune/Mars conjunction in Scorpio. 

So what’s important about this is a million things, but a big one is that Neptune/Mars conjunction can make you dissociative. If something makes you feel angry, you have a hard time staying associated. If something makes you feel shameful or bad, you have a hard time staying associated. And then on top of it, because of all that Virgo in the Virgo stellium, you have a tendency to obsessively think about things, and when they’re difficult for you to stay emotionally present with, to get kind of checked out. And this can lead to narratives that feel true but aren’t substantiated. 

And this is where you really want to check in with the stories you are telling yourself about yourself and about the people that are close to you about what happened. Because as is evidenced in this email, you contradict your story in your story. And this isn’t meant as a criticism of you. It’s meant as a supportive reflection because you are asking me—and, again, I believe you when you ask me—for help to be healthier within yourself so that you can repair your relationship with your son. I do believe you want that. 

I also believe that you don’t want that, right. And this is where we are all limited by our own limitations. And if you’re unwilling or unable to sit with hard emotions, the guilt and the shame that you do feel for how you did or didn’t conduct yourself with your son, maybe the guilt and the shame you feel about maybe not liking him that much, these things are really important for you to be able to sit with so that you can reorient yourself around them. 

The thing that’s going to be very difficult for you based on your planetary lineup is not interrupting your felt experience with stories to justify or defend it or to punish yourself. If you don’t already do any form of sitting meditation, I would strongly recommend it. And I would say that for somebody with this much Virgo, a great form of meditation would probably be a guided meditation, and there’s tons of them online for free, or you can, of course, pay for a good course. But something where you have music and words guiding you forward would really support you. Because it is hard to shut up your brain when you have this much Virgo in your chart. 

Now, within all of this, I have to acknowledge that you’re really expressing incredible grief about the loss of your grandchildren, and I want you to know that I’m hearing that, and I’m sorry. Unfortunately, you as a parent need to put that aside because if the only reason why you are reaching out to your son is for people close to him and not because of him, you’re never going to get what you want. And you’re going to keep on injuring him—you’re going to reinjure that same wound over and over again. 

You’ve got to find a way to choose your son. And that doesn’t mean pretend that you like things about him that you don’t like. Because what you’re telling me is that this adult child of yours embodies qualities in yourself that you don’t know how to cope with, that you feel badly about yourself around. This is going to be hard. It’s going to require that you have more self-acceptance and more self-love, that you don’t turn away from yourself because when you turn away from yourself, you turn away from your child. And I want you to know you are not the only parent in the world who has had this problem. 

There are ways that you treated your son that were out of integrity with how you want to be. There are ways that you treated your son that you would never have treated your daughter, right. And it sounds like you’re still treating your son in ways you would never treat your daughter, so deal with that. 

And the thing about the guilt and the shame is I understand. It’s realistic that you would feel that way—that’s fair. But guilt and shame are an obsession with the self on some meaningful level. Now, I know in some situations that’s not the case at all, but in this situation where you have perpetrated harm to someone you love, your guilt and your shame allow you to not see him. They allow you to not deal with the hurt you’ve caused him. And for as long as your focus is on how you feel about what you’ve done to him and how you feel about the consequences of those actions, you’re not going to get past them, and you’re not going to get your needs met, and you’re not going to make him feel loved or cared for or seen. 

So it’s important to shift that guilt and shame to humility and ownership. And you don’t have to feel good about it, that’s okay. But humility and ownership allow you to say, “I know that I’ve perpetrated harm against you, and I know that I’ve hurt you, and I feel terrible about it, and I want to keep on showing up for you in the ways that you’re asking me to.”

And as a parent you need to know that he’s going to reject you because of it, and he’s going to keep on rejecting you until you don’t go away, until you don’t punish him for rejecting you. This is very hard because when people reject you, the first thing all of us do—and you certainly have this very deep in your planetary alignment with Pluto conjunct to Mercury so closely and Uranus—when somebody rejects you, you just are like, “Okay. I’m done. That’s it. It’s over.” And the reality is he has a right to push you away. You pushed him away, and you’re the mum, so that’s on you. 

So when you show up, and you stop it with the judging of him for having a partner who supports him and for being unemployed, for being who he is, when you strive to say, “I don’t understand it. Maybe I don’t like it, but I accept him, and I accept that I don’t understand him, and I love him,” if you focus on that, he will reject you. And then you have to just keep on focusing on that, even when he rejects you, even when you don’t get what you want—those grandbabies—keep on loving him. Keep on loving him. 

Don’t make it all about the grandbabies. Don’t make it about you having lost out on something or you being a victim to his boundaries. You know, you name in your question that your son frequently shuts you out at the slightest upset, and you need to get over that. The slightest upset to you is somebody ripping off a scab that started to form over an old injury. When you call it a slight upset—and, you know, again, it might be a slight upset, and I don’t know, but when you call it a slight upset, you’re minimizing his emotional experience. You’re minimizing his right to have a boundary, and that is your part of this problem. 

And good on you for seeking help, for trying. This is deeply difficult. I think it’s really important for me to say that you have a right to feel complicated. You have a right to struggle. You have a right to be going through this. You have a right to have made mistakes. But if you want healing, you need to stop focusing on you, and you need to start focusing on him—not like a martyr, but start seeing him for the man he is and start seeing that he deserves love, and that you spent the better part of a lifetime not choosing him—choosing your daughter over your son, choosing parts of yourself that you like over parts of yourself you don’t like, and it’s on you to repair that. It’s your job. It’s not his job. At a certain point, if you do the work and you do the work and you do the work, it becomes his job. 

Now, both of your children are around their Saturn Return. Both of your children are going through their Saturn Return right now, and part of what the Saturn Return is, very commonly, is a time where we finally outgrow dealing with dynamics with our parents and our family of origin, and they don’t serve us. And so, if your son has felt his whole life rejected by you and not chosen by you, and he’s finally saying to you, “Uh uh, I’m not doing this. You’re not allowed in,” and if he’s saying to you now at 30, “I’m not letting you treat me poorly anymore. I’m pulling you out of my life whenever you are cruel to me or dismissive of me or judgmental of me,” I can’t say that there is anything wrong with that. 

I mean, I understand that it hurts your feelings, and that that is truly awful, and I understand that you’re trying, but can you begrudge your son trying to choose himself and being sensitive to your rejection? I know you can’t. I mean, maybe you want to because you feel guilty and you feel shame, but, again, this is where guilt and shame gets in your way because it’s focused on yourself instead of seeing him clearly for who he is and seeing the situation clearly for what it is. 

So leading up ’til 33 years old, the Saturn Return phase—that first Saturn Return that everyone goes through, it’s about two years build up. Saturn Return happens around 29 years old, 29 and a half years old, and then the next couple few years things seem kind of like they’re going back to normal, and then at 33, the Christ Year—and I’ve dropped a bunch of episodes about this if you want more about the Saturn Return—that Christ Year at 33 is kind of an apex year. 

So here’s my advice to you, my dear. Really focus over the next several years on doing your damn best and let him reject you. Let him act out. Let him be the child that you—it sounds like you kind of rejected, right. Let him be the child that you didn’t know how to parent. And chances are meaningful that when he turns 33, in that 33rd year of his life, that you will start to have a new relationship with him. And you will have a lot of years with him on that; you’re both young. 

So I really hope that this was helpful to you. And I also hope that anyone listening who has had a relationship with a parent where they felt rejected or harmed by that parent—I’m not saying to give a blanket forgiveness to a parent because maybe they had trauma or maybe they struggled, but I am saying parents are people too. Parents struggle. Parents struggle to know how to deal with themselves and children. We all show our parents parts of themselves that they don’t know how to cope with. 

And if you are a younger parent, and you are struggling with a younger child, I hope that this is a bit of a call for you to look at how are you showing love to your child, and is it consistent with how your child is showing you they want to be loved, how they receive love? It is very difficult to heal from childhood and its wounds, but it’s doable, and it’s a meaningful part of the human condition. 

We can lose ourself in blame. We can lose ourself in guilt, but healing doesn’t occur when we spend too much time in either of those places. They’re both necessary. If you’ve got trauma, you’re going to feel either guilty or angry or hurt or all these—you know, I mean, shitty feelings are a part of life, and I’m not mad at that. 

But at a certain point, we need to grow beyond those things. And then maybe we’ll return to them. But as you learn new things about yourself, about your child, about your parent, about the world, you then have to grow. And that means outgrowing old ways of being, old attitudes, old narratives, and even old feelings of guilt and shame—got to let them go. And that takes a lot of effort. Be gentle and patient with yourself as you endeavor to do this work.

We are going through transformational times, and whenever you are engaged in your own evolution, inevitably, you need a little help. And that is why I’m really happy to share with you Better Help. They’re committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches, and it’s easy and free to change counselors if you don’t like the person you’re matched with. This service is available for people worldwide. 

It’s just really valuable to be able to talk to someone about whatever it is you’re going through, whether it’s queer issues or depression or just anxiety from all the shit going on in the world—Better Help is there for you. In fact, so many people have been using Better Help that they are recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states of the US. 

I want you to start living a happier life today. As a listener of Ghost of a Podcast, you will get 10 percent off of your first month by visiting betterhelp.com/ghost. Join over one million people taking charge of their mental health. Again, that’s betterhelp, H-E-L-P .com/ghost.

Do you ever lie awake at night obsessing about the moment when everything went wrong? Maybe you wish you could reach out to the brother you stopped talking to 40 years ago, or maybe you want to ask your high school sweetheart why did you dump me? On the podcast Heavyweight, Jonathan Goldstein helps guests journey back to the past to answer the questions that still haunt them in the hope of setting things right. That’s Heavyweight from Gimlet. Follow and listen for free on Spotify.

I got to say, it’s 2021 almost—I mean, that’s what’s happening. 2020 has been a really intense decade. It’s just been like year after year feeling month after month. It’s been long. It’s been a lot. I am happy to inform you that on January first, I am dropping the 2021 year ahead Ghost of a Podcast extra episode. So in this first week of the year, you’re going to get an extra episode of Ghost of a Podcast. You deserve it. Really, you deserve it. And you know what? It’s going to be a whopper, as they say. It’s going to be a whopper. I mean, whatever. It’s a year. It’s a year. You’re the whopper. I can’t tell if that was actually a compliment. We’re going to just pretend that was a compliment because that was how I meant it, okay. 

So we’re going to talk about this week, which covers the dates of December 27th of 2020 through January 2nd of 2021, and it’s all kinds of things. But I want to say I’m sure you’ve seen in the news that there is a new strain of COVID-19 popping up all over the world, and so I know that 2020 was a lot—I know it was a lot. I know it’s frustrating, and loneliness is a new pandemic that we are all coping with, but New Year’s Eve is not a time to fucking party and take off your mask. Pandemics don’t care about how you feel, and this thing is very fucking contagious, so don’t be foolish with how you celebrate the New Year. I just—I can’t strongly enough state that. 

The forth coming midweek episode that I’m about to drop in a couple of days will have a New Year’s Eve, slash, Full Moon ritual—that’s what it’s going to be about. So maybe you choose to have your New Year’s Eve be really spiritual, whether you’re alone or you’re with loved ones or you’re like on fucking Zoom or whatever, see if you can keep it real spiritual. And I’m going to give you some tools to do that in a couple of days, so stay tuned for that. 

Okay, the first transit of this week. On the 27th, we have a Sun trine to Uranus. Sun trine to Uranus is a lovely transit because it favors innovation and insight and your willingness and ability to pivot and adjust when necessary. This is kind of a creative transit—not creative in an artsy way, but creative in a way where you are likely to feel a little bit inspired and open to engaging with your life or yourself in new ways. It’s a wonderful transit. Super lovely. 

However, per ushe, if you’re dealing with something kind of hard and that’s bigger than just this day, then you might find that this is just like a little bit of a break—it’s like subtle in its impact, so don’t expect anything too spectacular. But if you consciously engage with the energy, you will get the most possible benefit from it. So don’t forget this transit’s happening and leverage it as much as you can. 

And that brings us to the 29th of December, 2020, and the last Full Moon of the year. It’s the last Full Moon of the year, nerds. And that sounds kind of big because it is kind of big. We will have the Sun and Moon exactly opposite on 12/29 at 7:28 p.m., Pacific time. And the Moon will be at eight degrees of Cancer and 53 minutes, and the Sun will be at eight degrees of Capricorn and 53 minutes. 

As I said, I’m going to give you a ritual to do—I’ll be dropping that on the 29th. And the ritual is not just for the Full Moon. I would say to do it anywhere from the 29th, the Full Moon itself, to New Year’s Eve. I think it’s arguable—I don’t know how you feel about New Year’s Eve. It’s the closure of a year, and that’s a really powerful thing, and it is a global event—yadda, yadda. 

That said, in a way that Full Moon is a bigger closure to the year. It’s really meaningful to remember that Full Moon’s are always about closure. It’s the end of a cycle. And so, I would really encourage you to be leveraging December 29th through the 31st as your time to close out 2020—to do it with intention. And when I say do it with intention, it’s not just with your brains, and it’s not just with your behaviors. It’s with your heart. 

If there is a time to take responsibility for your conduct, this is it. This is it. And taking responsibility starts with how you feel. It starts inside. So I’m not going to give you too much 411 on this Full Moon in this particular episode because I’m going to drop more. But I will say that in this Full Moon chart there’s a number of things to take note of. And amongst them is Mercury’s quite close to the Sun. This is going to be a time where we do want to feel social, we do want to feel connected to other people. Mercury is related to friends and communications, and so it can come with a bit of restlessness and certainly with a desire to socialize. 

At the same time, we have the South Node conjunct to Venus, which means it is opposite to the North Node, so Venus is opposite to the North Node. And the Nodes and Venus are forming a T-square to Neptune. And what’s important about this is, in the context of COVID, again I reiterate, be conservative. Neptune’s not what you really want to see prominently placed in any kind of pandemic that is airborne. It’s not what you want to see when it’s something so contagious. 

So when we see this square in the context of this chart, I want to just really acknowledge that it is calling us to embody our spiritual, social, and personal values and ideals. We must embody them and not just think about them or talk about them. And this is an important thing to consider when you are making choices about how to be, around what to do, how to talk to yourself, all that kind of good stuff. 

And I want to remind you of something that I talked about probably last year, maybe even longer ago, but this little thing I like to call puppy talk rules. Puppy talk rules are very simple. It’s think about how you talk to a puppy. Would you tell a puppy, a sweet little puppy—or maybe you don’t like puppies. Maybe you like kittens. Maybe you like human babies. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. Lama talk rules works as well. 

Whatever it is that you think is sweet and cute and deserving of love, would you tell them that they were an asshole? Would you beat them up? Would you treat them like shit? No. No. You would talk to them nicely, and you would tell them how delightful they are and how adorable they are. Talk to yourself the same way you would talk to a sweet and innocent being that you love. Because you are a being that deserves love from fucking you, right, friends? Right. Right. Right. So apply those puppy talk rules this week and in general in life. 

Because we are still dealing with three planets in Capricorn, and while The Great Conjunction has passed, it is not exact. I mean, Saturn and Jupiter are still very much conjunct to each other in the sign of Aquarius. This can feel really heavy. Everything feels very consequential right now. Have you noticed? Everything feels consequential, and it is. So be kind to yourself. Because when the springboard of our actions comes from a foundation of selfcare, kindness, flexibility, adaptability, humility, then our actions—even if we fuck up and we make mistakes—are the right actions. 

One more thing I’ll say about this Full Moon in this particular episode, whenever we’re dealing with the polarity of Cancer and Capricorn, something to remember and to stay aligned with is that we’re dealing with the polarity of winter and summer. When we’re in Cancer season it’s always the summer solstice in this hemisphere of the world, and Capricorn season is the winter solstice. 

So during a Full Moon in Cancer, this is a good time to look at what seeds you may have planted in your life—the summer, during Cancer season—and what you need to let go of, what needs to change, what kind of shifts you need to make in your life or in yourself in regards to that, to the last time we had Full Moon in the Cancer/Capricorn polarity, when it was a Full Moon in Capricorn. Now, we’re in the Full Moon in Cancer, and to look at it in this regard. 

Now, this can be done at any Full Moon, looking at the polarity and what happened in the one six months before. But in particular, I want to just draw your attention to it because we’re talking about the end of the year. We’re talking about the end of a pretty damn monumental year. So that’s some stuff to consider and more is forthcoming soon, my loves. 

Okay. Now, on the 30th, we have a Venus square to Neptune. Now, I mentioned it in regards to the Full Moon chart because that transit will be active on the 29th. It will be active the whole week, actually. But it is exact on the 30th. And Venus square to Neptune is hard, honestly. It can impact us on a lot of levels. 

So first of all, don’t spend your money on stupid shit—that’s the first thing. Don’t try to buy yourself a feeling because that’s not going to work. This transit can coincide with dysmorphia, dysmorphic feelings about body image or gender. So if you’re predisposed to that kind of struggle, this transit can really activate that struggle. If that’s not a struggle you typically have, you’re unlikely to really be impacted in that way, unless this transit hits your birth chart really specifically. 

But it is a kind of struggle on a meaningful level with what you value in yourself, how others see you, and how you orient yourself around these things. A Venus/Neptune square is likely to trigger some anxiety and anxiety about relationships. So this can show up as where do I stand? What does it all mean? Does this person like me? What should I do? That kind of relationshipy [sp] stuff because Neptune is anxiety, and Venus is security. And so, when there’s a 90-degree angle between these two planets, what we’re dealing with is insecurity around where we stand, insecurity around our sense of stability in a relationship. 

Now, the best way to cope with this, in my view, is to align yourself with your values and to check in to make sure that your spirituality aligns with those values. And this is not an easy thing. It’s just super fucking not an easy thing to do. Neptune square to Venus is not a great time to make proclamations of love or to pressure people to prove themselves to you or to tell you what their plans are for the future because the sense of instability that this transit triggers is for everyone. 

And so, if you are a person who’s embroiled in power dynamics, you might act out in weird ways around this date because Venus square to Neptune, it can incline us to go into martyr vibes. It can incline us to want to be a victim so that we don’t have to bear responsibility with humility for our part. Align, realign, and align again with your values, with what you believe and strive to make sure that what you believe in, your sense of devotion and hope and love and care for yourself or for others is expressed in a material way. 

How we feel is so important. But if it isn’t lined up with what we do, if we don’t show it in material ways, if we don’t express it consistently, then it tends to fail us. We don’t get the outcomes that we want. This is where spiritual union, spiritual connection, spiritual belief is not enough. We need to have it translated in a material way. The potential that exists between you and others, the potential that exists inside of you is meaningful, but it is on us to exercise that potential, to bring it into the material world. 

There’s like a bibley [sp] quote, which I’ve never read the bible, but I’ve read quotes. But it’s, “And the Lord said, ‘Let there be light and from this light let there be firmament.’” That’s—I mean, I think it’s a quote. Like I said, I’ve never read the bible. But my woo interpretation of that, and my woo understanding of that is from the vision of our spiritual values, from the vision and the hope and the yearning that we hold, it is on us to make it material. So this transit, this Venus square to Neptune is an opportunity to make sure that you are embodying the values that you hold dearest from your spirituality. 

And let me just pull back and talk about this again on a body image level. New Years is a shitty, shitty time of the year for eating disorder stuff because tons of people start going into I’m going to lose weight and kind of fat shaming themselves and fat shaming others. So let’s just—let’s just put a cork on that shit, okay. 

Accepting your body, loving your body is so important. It’s so important. And the problem with this Neptune/Venus square, happening right around that New Year’s Eve date, is that it can really accentuate a sense of dysmorphia—that you’re not good enough as is, that you’re supposed to be small, that you’re supposed to be tiny, that you’re supposed to not take up any space. And let’s say fuck that. Let’s just say fuck that. 

Let’s all of us—at least all of us here at Ghost of a Podcast collective, let’s say that we’re not going to participate in that. And not just that we’re not going to participate in that in public, but when you catch yourself confusing your value with the shape or size of your body, notice it. Choose a different way. Recognize that you’ve ingested some toxicity from the world and choose a different way. Commit to the journey, my loves. Commit to the damn journey. 

And then, finally, one more thing I want to say about this particular transit is that Venus square to Neptune is a great time, if you can do this without any attachment to what happens or how it’s received, to let the people that you love know that you love them. And I’m talking about your established relationships with people that you know are healthy. I’m not talking about your crush or your four-month long relationship. I’m talking about reminding the people in your life that you value their place in your life. I’m talking about that. 

That brings us to New Year’s Eve—12/31 of 2020, and I’ve got nothing to say about it—just nothing. On New Year’s Eve, there are no exact transits. We will be under the influence of two transits to Neptune though, that’s Venus square to Neptune, but also on the first—now, on the first of January, 2021, Mercury forms a sextile to Neptune. Beautiful, beautiful transit. Empathy, spirituality, communication. I mean, the two Neptune transits that are hugging 12/31—that are just hugging the New Year moment where we transition from one year to the next are an increase of empathy, which is beautiful. 

Also, Neptune is associated with the autoimmune, so again, I reiterate, be careful with COVID. But the thing that I really hope for us all is that we do spiritual work around the New Year or somewhere between these dates of the 29th and the first.  Because all of this Neptune stuff facilitates us connecting with our guidance, connecting with our ancestors, connecting with God, whatever resonates with you, wherever you’re at in your spiritual work. 

The potential here for receiving your guidance, receiving spirit, whatever that looks like, is very strong. So do the work. And don’t do the work to figure it out. Don’t do the work of wiggle your nose and cross your legs and pray until something happens to you. It’s not just about actions taken. It’s not just about following rules. It’s about getting receptive. It’s about getting present and receiving from the present moment. 

And, you know, you can get online, you can listen to my podcast, you can do a million things that will give you many different methodologies for doing this, but at the end of the day, you want to keep it simple, especially when Neptune’s involved, and just get present and receive. Keep it simple. Keep it simple. 

This energy of the week is really destabilizing. It’s just really—it’s not bad. It’s not Uranus destabilizing where there’s like lots of things from left field, but it’s destabilizing in that it’s a lot of energy. And as I’ve talked about on the podcast before, the morphic field or the collective energy field of New Year’s is big. And we are shifting into major, major changes. 

We’re closer and closer to the Georgia runoff, which is so important here in the US. So there’s increased intensity in the United States politically. This isn’t the time to check out. This isn’t the time to phone it in, and this isn’t the time to get distracted by pettiness. I can tell you that. And you can apply that to whatever the hell you want to apply it to, and it will work, okay. 

So that, my friends, is your horoscope for the week that closes out 2020—the garbage year of 2020 and opens up 2021. I want to thank you for joining me all year long in 2020. It is the year where I started dropping two episodes a week, and you know what? I fucking love it. I love being more connected to you all. I love being a part of your astrology and woo journey. And I’m really excited for whatever 2021 brings. And by excited, trust me, I don’t mean optimistic. I just mean excited. You know, it’s new. It’s different. Jesus, I’m glad it’s a little new and different. 

If you get value from this podcast, I implore you, I beg of you, I say please, I say thank you, subscribe wherever you listen to this podcast. Also, write me a damn review—a little five stars never hurt this one, this girl, this middle-aged lady. Also, please join me over at fucking Patreon, where not only do I drop every month a bonus episode of Ghost of a Podcast, where I delineate every transit of the month ahead in advance, but there’s all kinds of other fun woo and astrology shit I do with my beloved patrons—the kittens, the puppies. You could be too. You could be too. Happy New Year. Bye.