Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I’m your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I’m an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I’m going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit, mystical advice for living your very best life.

The Okra Project is a collective that aims to mitigate food insecurity in the Black Trans community. The project hires Black Trans chefs to come to the homes of Black Trans people, or community centers if they’re currently experiencing homelessness, to cook healthy, culturally relevant, and delicious meals. They feed bellies with great food and feed spirits with great fellowship. The Okra Project intentionally has never sought 501(c)(3) status so they can ensure that their money goes where it’s needed. Therefore, their work is maintained entirely through individual donations from people like you, and everything helps. Learn more about their programming by visiting theokraproject.com, or donate. And the link is in my show notes.

This week, I'm doing something a little different. And I'm doing this different thing because it just felt right. If I've been trying to teach you one thing about Eclipse season, it's this: curveballs, the unexpected, and electric energy that brings you someplace you weren't planning on going. Ta-da. Instead of answering a listener question, I want to take a moment to talk about grief.

I'm taking this moment to talk about grief for a couple of reasons. The first is, on a collective level, we are experiencing a morphic field of grief. And this morphic field that I'm referring to, it's like a collective energetic shared experience. There is a morphic field globally, and certainly in the U.S., of grief over so many Black lives lost to police violence and systemic violence, which includes but is not limited to the prison system and its atrocities being a holdover from slavery. We are, as a collective, emotionally and cognitively more present with the atrocities of slavery in this country but also globally.

And this is all keyed in with and connected to the grief that we are collectively feeling about our lives and our sense of safety because of COVID-19, because of this global pandemic that is still really aggressively raging on here in the U.S. and in many other parts of the world. Many of us have been touched by death. We know someone who's died. We've lost someone close to us. Many of us are just straight-up scared and acknowledging and having to cope with our mortality.

Part of what COVID-19 has done is it's had us spending more time alone, more time looking at our life choices, looking at what we're doing, what we're not doing, and the sense of "I can't believe I was planning on doing x, y, or z this year, and now I can't because of COVID"—that statement, I have gotten a bazillion questions from you guys saying things of that nature on all manner of topics: moving countries, dating, career, all the things. All the goddamn things.

What I think is really underlying it all is grief, just this really raw, intense emotional experience. Grief is not something that I feel like we talk about quite enough. And grief is something that happens on lots of levels. There is the grief that you experience at the end of a relationship. There is the grief that you experience when you realize you've been wrong about something. There's the grief that you experience when you see someone clearly and you don't like what you see. And there's the grief that we experience in the face of death. There's the grief that we experience in the face of injustice.

How we experience the feelings of grief has everything to do with our humanity. It has everything to do with our capacity for love—for self-love, for loving others. Grief, loss, pain, outrage—all of these feelings are the painful and shit side of love. If you have grief over someone in your life or something in your life or something in the world, it's because, really, you love that thing. You love that person. That doesn't mean because you love a person you should have them in your life, or that it was good for you, even. But it is really important when we are in a state of terrible pain to not lose track of our capacity for love, because your capacity for feeling—it's not just the posi-feelings. It's not just the lovely feelings. It's also the painful feelings.

Cultivating emotional intelligence is the practice of not just having compassion, not just being kind, not just being able to identify your feelings and where they come from. Cultivating emotional intelligence requires that you can sit in your feelings without fixing them, without analyzing them, without acting out in response to them. And it's really fucking hard. It's hard, and it's a practice.

Whether we're talking about past hurts, present hurts, global hurts, personal hurts, our willingness to allow ourselves to sit in the feelings, to be with the feelings, to even be seen in our feelings, to share our feelings, to bear witness to other people's pain without trying to fix it or change it—all of these things are essential for not just having your grief, but for not losing yourself in your grief.

And in the context of the work of social justice, whether it's being an activist or recognizing that you're not an activist but you understand the need for microactivism, now is the time. It is essential that your heart is a part of this process, and that means there will be hours or days or weeks where your heart cannot mobilize, your heart can't take any more data, where your heart is just too tender. And it's important that you care for that part.

It is important that you allow yourself to be committed to the marathon of the work of healing from childhood trauma, of being a part of the world's solutions and untangling the world's ills. It is important that you aren't just going through the grief of a breakup from someone, whether it's a friend or a lover, family member, but that you're allowing yourself to grieve the parts of you that stayed in a relationship or in a dynamic that you knew wasn't good for you, that was at your own expense. Grieve the ways you acted that you knew weren't right or you've figured out now weren't right.

Being able to be in these feelings, being able to take space to actually be in these feelings, allows us to be in integrity with how we show up. And, unfortunately, there's what you do, and then there's the energy with which you do it. When you're in a state of grief, it is really hard to do things in public. It's really hard to do things as a performance. It's really hard to show up clean and clear.

My loves, as we stand here at the brink of so much evolution and revolution and messiness and growth and unlearning and learning, I hope you're remembering to breathe. I hope you're remembering that self-care is not a detour from the work; it's a part of the work. It's a part of the work of any major change on a personal level and any major change in a movement. When you get so burnt out on your efforts that you can no longer do it in a healthy way is when things get really stressful, when your behavior gets kind of unpredictable and it doesn't always line up with what your intention was.

It's important to take breaks. And for you, breaks might be a couple days. It might be a week. It might be a couple hours, depending on your situation, depending on what's possible for you. Breaks might look like pausing from social media, turning off your phone, taking a damn nap. It might mean any number of things. And it certainly doesn't have to be a massive inconvenience or a radical pivot, it doesn't need to cost money, but remembering that this moment—this moment—is unique, it is a lot. And that's in the context of so many things: in the context of just regular life, in the context of a global pandemic in a really global world. It's also unique in terms of where we're at, in terms of social revolution around racial equity, around Trans and Gay rights.

There's something else that's really unique to this period. This is the first time in human history that we have all had phones in our pockets and computers on our desks and news pushed to us all the goddamn time, all the livelong day. And for people who are in their mid-30s or their early 30s and younger, you are the first generation where that's your life, that you are meant to compulsively self-disclose all the things all the time, that other people are doing it, that you have access to so much news, so many opinions and views and worldviews and experiences and all these kinds of things. It is amazing. It is powerful, and it is also too much for the human heart to bear.

So remember when you're on social media, when you're using a search engine—whatever it is online—that you are the product and that capitalism is a meaningful part of technology. Somebody's making money off of most of the tech that you're using. The reason why I point this out is because the way that social media is created, the way that so many of the tools that we use online are created, is to remind you to use the app again. It's to bring back engagement. It's not for your mental health. It's not for your emotional health. It's not for your wellness. You must be the steward of those things.

And now is the time to be a steward of your wellness and to understand that stewarding your own wellness includes your community. It's not at the expense of your community. It includes other people, people who you might be friends with and people who you might not be, people who are very different from you and people who are not.

So I got a lot of things to say about the astrology of this week. And we are looking at the week of June 21st through the 27th of 2020. Let's start with the thing I promised I would talk to you about, which is the GD Eclipse. So we have this Eclipse happening late at night on the 20th or on the 21st of June, and it's a Solar Eclipse in the sign of Cancer. Now, it's called a ring of fire Eclipse, but it's not a ring of fire. It is a ring of fucking light. That's right. It is a ring of light, and I want to just be with that for a moment because so much of our shadow is being illuminated, and that is being reflected in this Eclipse.

Solar Eclipses always occur during a New Moon, and here we have the Sun and Moon at zero degrees and 21 minutes of Cancer. When I look into this particular chart of the Eclipse, a lot of things come up for me. But honestly, I really struggled with what to share around this. I wanted to center around one thing: how you feel. When Eclipses are building up, when Eclipses occur, and when we are integrating the energies of an Eclipse, it feels like a lot. It kicks up your emotions in a really personal way. And generally, Eclipses kick up emotions that are hard to tolerate, that are overwhelming.

Because we are looking at the sign of Cancer, that's intensified. Cancer is actually ruled by the Moon. It is the most emo of the emos, if I may. And so we can expect that you have been feeling and are feeling overwhelmed, emotional, tender, maybe a little defensive, maybe a little self-protective. That's what we'd expect from a Solar Eclipse in Cancer. It's a really tender time. And this might be the moment where you're having a hard time taking in more data, and you simply need to be in the feelings.

And so, while I was planning on giving you a whole lot of words for this Eclipse today, I actually really feel like the best I can do for your mental, emotional, and spiritual wellness is say it's okay to just lick your wounds. It's okay to tend to your feelings and your personal relationships with patience, with empathy, with kindness, with compassion. That is really what the Solar Eclipse is requiring of us, is for all the things that you may be fighting for in your personal life, in the world at-large, to make sure that in that fight is centering love.

Whether you're engaged in the work of antiracism or you're engaged in the work of healing from a broken heart, wherever you're at, if you're dealing with big systemic issues or really big personal issues, this is a time to remember who you love, to remember the yes in your fight. Who are you saying yes to? How are your behaviors communicating the centering of wellness, of thriving and abundance for those and that which you love? It's really important to do this as a matter of self-preservation, as a matter of being able to sustain your efforts, but also as a matter of wellness and thriving.

Now, I did something—I've done it once before on the podcast. It was a while ago. It was probably a year ago now—because I didn't want to overwhelm you with more words, words, words, ideas, ideas, ideas, although literally that's what you're here for, is my words, so I don't know. Go suck on that, Jessica. Okay. So what I wanted to do is drop into the Sabian symbol of this Eclipse. Now, for those who don't know, Sabian symbols were images that were essentially metaphors or visions of each zodiacal degree. Basically, there's 360 of these symbols. They're a way of kind of getting into the spirituality of the zodiacal degree. So it's not exactly astrology, but it's heavily astrology adjacent, if you will.

So I looked up the Sabian symbol for zero degrees of Cancer. Now, there's 30 degrees of each zodiac sign, but in the Sabian symbols, they do not work with the zero degree. They work with 29 degrees and 30 degrees and 1 degree. I'm going to read you the 30th degree of Gemini and the first degree of Cancer. The image that was interpreted for the 30th degree of Gemini is a parade of bathing beauties before large beach crowds. And the interpretation that goes with it is the use of individual vanity in raising racial standards, examination of intellectual values for use in the soul life.

When I read that, I was just like, "Yeah. Yeah. That seems to fit. That seems to fit." We are uplifting our social standards to be a better reflection of what is spiritually correct. In other words, we are breaking through as a society. As a people, we are breaking through white supremacy. We are shattering so much of its lies, and we're just calling them lies. And more and more people are hearing, and more and more people are seeing it. And while it is so difficult for people who've already been so aware of this stuff to see so many people slowly waking up, and for other people who are just learning, it's so difficult to humbly see how wrong you've been about so many things. It's just a lot of energy. It's a lot. And to see that this is all happening at a time of a zero-degree Cancer Solar Eclipse—it, to me, is really, really interesting.

Now, I wanted to read you, also, the one degree of Cancer. It's a sailor ready to hoist a new flag to replace an old one. And it refers to the desire to align oneself with a larger and more significant life trend. It is related to a compelling decision and repolarization. I just feel like this is so affirming to what we're seeing in the world. And this Solar Eclipse, I want to encourage you to really play with and meditate on these images and to do your own self-exploration around how you feel and how you're taking care of your feelings around the changes that are occurring in the world and the role you have been playing and the role you hope to play within that.

Of course, also, if you have really meaningful things happening in your personal life, because life goes on, I want to encourage you to hold space for that. I want to encourage you to be with your feelings, to lick your little paws, clean off your face, do what you gotta do. This is a time to really step into emotionality, not instead of activism, not instead of paying your bills or going to work or doing whatever needs to get done, but alongside it. Sometimes it's either/or. Right now, strive for and-also.

Now, on the 25th of June, Venus goes direct. Venus is no longer Retrograde as of the 25th of June. So now we still have this fucking Mercury Retrograde, which I want to say a word about, but no more Venus Retrograde. Isn't that cool? Isn't that exciting? So, as Venus moves in its little shadowy period and into its direct motion, look back. Look back. What has gone on for you since mid-May within this Venus Retrograde? I mean, it's obviously been a really powerful time.

Venus is related to your values, your personal finances, beauty and beauty standards. What has shifted for you around these themes? Really think about it because a Venus Retrograde is a really powerful time to do that review work, to reflect, to be confronted with parts of yourself that you maybe weren't totally coping with. So sit with it. Pay attention. It's easy to lose track of this stuff in general, and these days are just moving so quickly. There's so much happening. It's easy to not really pay attention to the evolution that you have engaged in. Take a moment. Engage with it now. And when I say now, I mean over the next week or two because, as I said, Mercury is Retrograde in the emo sign of Cancer, so this is still a good time for reflecting and reviewing and reassessing.

But on the mental tip, Mercury Retrograde is just such an annoying thing. I mean, it's just interrupting technology. It's making communications confusing, all that kind of stuff. You just want to remember that during a Mercury Retrograde, plans are more likely to be misconstrued. Meanings are not as clear. And so have grace with it, be patient with it, and keep on showing up. That's the general work.

This brings me to the last thing that's happening this week, which is that the planet Mars is entering Aries on the 27th, and it will stay in that sign until January of 2021. That is a long fucking time for Mars to be in one sign. Let me tell you why it's happening, my friends. Let me tell you why it's happening: because on September 9th through November 13th of 2020, Mars will be Retrograde. And whenever a planet goes Retrograde in a particular sign, it just elongates the amount of time that it spends in that sign.

So Mars in Aries—I want to give you a little sneak peek into the Retrograde of it. But I want to say Mars governs the sign Aries, so it's quite comfortable. The planet Mars is quite comfortable in the zodiac sign of Aries. Mars governs—it's like the man symbol. It's like the symbol that's conventionally used to represent man. It governs a lot of things that are associated with maleness: ambition, assertion, fucking, sweating, fighting, working out, getting things done. Your car is signified by Mars, and how you drive it is signified by Mars. It's how you move through the world. It's how you get it done.

And the sign Aries is a real me-first sign. Mars is associated with the ego. So, when we see the planet Mars moving through the sign of Aries, there will be an intensification of frustration, of anger, of energy, and of the potential for us to use or misuse that energy spectacularly. Now, as an astrologer, I can't know what's coming. Nobody knows the future. As a psychic, I don't know what's coming.  That's just now how it works. We can interpret, and we can have theories based on our interpretations, and those theories can be right or wrong or anything in between.

But I can't help but look at this long-ass transit of Mars in Aries in conjunction with COVID-19 and be concerned about the risk of spread. And when I say spread, I mean spread like wildfire. Aries is a fire sign, and Mars is related to spread. I would say Jupiter is also related to spread but in a different way. My other concern about this is as the spread of COVID happens, we have the risk of infrastructure failing and anger mounting as people are frustrated because they don't get to do what they want for themselves in their lives.

But what we need to start thinking about is these Mars in Aries themes, in particular before that Retrograde comes in the autumn. And as an astrologer, I can't help but add to this conversation that changes to policing—policing is Mars. It's really like this boys' club. What we can expect to see as we have an Eclipse on Father's Day—we will have another Eclipse around the 4th of July, and Mars has just moved into the sign of Aries, where it will stay until January of 2021.

There is a way that we are needing to redefine maleness, and we are needing to shift the power of maleness in this society, especially and in particular this kind of male supremacist style of power that still exists from—since forever, and to understand that it is connected to capitalism. It is connected to homophobia. It is connected to racism. It's connected to pretty much every fucked-up thing that exists because it's a dominant group having control over all the things and centering their perspectives and their needs and their comfort above all the things.

So the cool thing about this Mars Retrograde is that it could be a time where there is an international conversation that is relentless, that lasts a long-ass time, where we challenge and restructure these things because that's what can happen in a Retrograde. It's the rule of re's. It's review, reassess, recalibrate. It could also be a time where boys fight back.

Within all of this, we do need to stay focused on the Black Lives Matter movement, and we do need to stay focused if you are not a Black person on really thinking about how you can be an accomplice. And ally is great. Be an ally. But I would encourage you—I want to invite you—to be an accomplice. The reason why I say accomplice is because the rules and laws that we have come from a white supremacist system, and it takes being an accomplice to be willing to break those rules, to put your comfort, sometimes your safety, your body, in the way of white supremacy on behalf of Black and Brown and Indigenous people, who have been the brunt of the worst evils of white supremacy.

It's really important that we think in terms of being an accomplice to this movement. And within that, I want to point you towards healthcare, making sure that this is a part of our conversation and not just policing, because we are in a global pandemic and it is not getting better anytime soon. I know that everything's opening back up. I am mystified as to why it is. There's only one reason, and I can sum it up in one word: capitalism. There's no health or science-based reason for things to be opening back up right now. It isn't safe. It isn't smart. Obviously, I'm not a fucking scientist. Don't take my word for it—also, I believe I'm right; take my word for it.

So listen. Look at the systemic inequities that we have in policing, in healthcare, in housing, in the economic sector. And wherever it is that you feel you can be an advocate, be an advocate. Wherever it is that you feel like you can create or share solutions, do that. Whether you have money that you can donate or you have a voice that you can use, whether you are going to be a microactivist or an organizer or anything in between, I want to encourage you to be a part of this, and in the long haul. You don't have to do it all this week. You don't have to prove what you're doing this week. But, my loves, do something, and do something as a lifestyle.

Now, I want to say one more thing here about the Eclipse, actually. The Eclipse on the 21st, it's a thing. It's a mood, as the kids may say. Here's the thing: it's not like the Eclipse passes and you feel chill. We're still likely to continue to feel really overwhelmed, really emotionally frayed and tapped. Again, I want to encourage you to seek some sort of balance in your life. And that balance might mean any number of things—really, any number of things. But it's your job to find those things and to remember to choose those things.

My guess is that most people listening to this podcast have self-care tools. Most of you have spiritual self-care tools. The question is, are you remembering to use them when you need them the most? That's the question I want to encourage you to ask yourself this Eclipse and moving forward throughout Eclipse season, which is for quite some minutes now.

My loves, I want to thank you once again for joining me. As always, you can write me an email at ghostofapodcast.com and encourage me to talk on whatever kind of topics you like or ask me questions about your personal life, and I will try to answer them for you. You can also find me over at Patreon, where I'm teaching tarot and doing other stuff. I do a monthly horoscope over there. It's a bonus episode of Ghost of a Podcast.

Keep on resourcing your intuition. Keep on centering your wellness and understanding that your wellness does not exist at the expense of others. And if it is at the expense of others, it's not really wellness. Keep on showing up, doing the work, and striving towards wholeness.