Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

My loves, for this last episode of 2021, I am sharing an excerpt from an episode that I recorded pre-pandemic at the very start of 2020. I went onto Attitudes! podcast, which just so happens to be the very first podcast that I got into many years ago. And it's really great, if you haven't already heard it, with Bryan Safi and Erin Gibson. And I got to read their charts. So, if you enjoy these readings and you want to hear more, you can go and listen to Episode 426 of Attitudes! wherever podcasts are heard.

Erin: Okay. Did you see anything in Bryan's chart that you feel like was obvious to you, having listened to the show?

Jessica: Yes, and also no. So let me give you the yeses.

Bryan: Jessica, you tell us how you want to break it down.

Jessica: Okay.

Bryan: Okay.

Jessica: So, just so you know, no one can see this but the two of you, but that's your birth chart.

Bryan: Yes. You sent that to me.

Jessica: I sent it to you. Okay. I didn't send you yours, but I will.

Erin: Okay. I can't wait.

Jessica: So you have this beautiful Venus in Leo opposite your Ascendants and conjunct your Sun. and I was like, "Of course this bitch came up with the term homosensual," because you're America's favorite homosensual, obviously.

Bryan: I'll take it. I'll take it.

Jessica: But Venus governs sensuality, and your Sun is your identity. And you have a Venus/Sun conjunction. So you probably truly fucking are homosensual.

Bryan: I have to tell you—I'm not kidding—I fuck great. And that's no lie.

Jessica: I believe it. You have stellium in Leo—

Bryan: Erin's vomiting.

Jessica: But we have to talk about this.

Erin: Wait. Hold on.

Jessica: We have to talk about this.

Bryan: I do. I'm great at it.

Erin: Because you're in tune, aggressive, what?

Bryan: Yeah. I know all of it.

Erin: Okay.

Jessica: Okay. So let me—

Bryan: I know what the mood calls for.

Jessica: Let me back you up for just a moment. Let me back him up because you have a stellium, which means you have four planets in Leo, which means, first of all, yes, I can say you can fuck. You can fuck, but not just that that, but you've got the stamina of a person who has something to prove. You know what I mean?

Bryan: You're not wrong.

Jessica: I know.

Bryan: And I feel like people I've dated would say the same thing.

Jessica: I'm going to say yes, they would. Maybe not as eloquently, but I think they would. You also have Mars in the fifth house, which means even if you're like, "I don't know if I like you," you can still work it out.

Bryan: That's true.

Jessica: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bryan: Oh, that's true. Yeah. I'm not the most discerning.

Erin: Is that a lemons—that's a lemonade out of lemons kind of—

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: I mean, I think it's more like your body experience is not necessarily equal to—it's like your sexual drive actually exists on its own plane.

Bryan: Can I also tell you that I've always thought that sometimes, because I do—I guess now it's reframed my brain to where, no, I think I can find something attractive about pretty much anybody, and I used to think of it as just slutty.

Jessica: Which—hey.

Bryan: Hey.

Jessica: I'm very pro-slut.

Bryan: Yeah, sure.

Jessica: But, also, the thing about astrology is it's about wiring. It's about, what is your nature? Like, if your hair is naturally curly, it's naturally curly. It doesn't mean you can't straighten it. But there's nothing—I don't know. I'm a big believer in accepting your nature, which ironically is a huge part, IMO, of what you've come here to do in this lifetime because—are your parents immigrants? I don't know this.

Bryan: My father is—I'm sorry—a child of immigrants. But they are not immigrants themselves.

Jessica: Okay. So he's a child of immigrants.

Bryan: My grandparents are from Syria, and so they came over before they had him.

Jessica: Okay. Do you mind if I get personal about this?

Bryan: Of course not. No.

Jessica: Okay. I'm going to keep on asking because I actually don't believe you're as open as you say you are, because I see you have this Moon/Pluto conjunction, which in practical terms means that your emotions run so intensely deep, and you're intensely private. And I see that you also have all this Leo stuff. And so you're like, "Yeah, I'm private, but I'll share it with the world and then feel weird about it later." So I'm just going to be a little protective of you.

Bryan: Thank you.

Jessica: You're welcome. So you actually have this Chiron opposition to Uranus in the Midheaven—I swear I'm going to tell you what it means in a sec—and it's square to Jupiter and Mercury, and it actually suggests being the child of either immigrants or first-generation immigrants. And the reason why it does is because it articulates that cultural schism that exists when your point of reference is different than the community you live in. And I think being queer is like a different level and articulation of that as well. And, if I can go—watch a bitch go—

Bryan: I did used to be completely embarrassed by my last name.

Jessica: Really?

Bryan: For years. Yeah.

Jessica: Oh, that's—because you love it now.

Erin: Because it was hard for people?

Bryan: It was hard for people, and it was just like I wasn't really proud that my grandparents came from Syria, and I didn't really understand that that was such a brave thing that they did and took so much for them to do and also was something I should be really proud of. It just didn't happen till later. I wanted to assimilate so badly.

Jessica: Well, you're from Texas.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: And there's a real pressure to assimilate there.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: But they gave up so much, it looks like.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: And it was really hard, and it was hurting your dad. I imagine your dad is a very fucking complicated human person—

Bryan: He is.

Jessica: —and also really private.

Bryan: He is.

Jessica: So I don't know. Does he listen to your show?

Bryan: He does not.

Jessica: Okay. Cool. Then I can say this.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: He's like the most gentle version of that family line.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: That's the best I can say it.

Bryan: You're right.

Jessica: And he's somebody who really struggles. And what has been happening for you in 2019—so okay. I'm going to unpack a thing. 2019 was so much for both of you. We're getting to you, girl. But 2019 was so much for you, and you confronted some of your deepest, oldest shit. And a lot of it has to do with your family of origin.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: And for two years before, so '18 and '17, you were in one of the more difficult transits that I think you'll ever go through.

Bryan: That is great to hear because 2018 was the hardest year of my life.

Jessica: I'm sure it was.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: I'm really sorry. I mean, when I was prepping your chart, I was like, "Oh shit. Okay. Okay." I just need you to know that you're not done, but you're done with that. And what it did was it made you question the very things that you were the most certain of. It brought anxiety and depression into your life in a way that you hadn't experienced since you were a child.

Bryan: Yeah. Oh my God. It's happening. It's happening. I got it.

Jessica: Sorry.

Bryan: No, no, no. You're good. You're good.

Jessica: Are you sure?

Bryan: Oh yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. You tell me if you want me to shut up.

Bryan: No, no, no. No, I like it. I like it.

Jessica: Okay. Okay, cool.

Bryan: Yeah.

Erin: This is the best movie I've ever seen.

Jessica: Oh my God. Well, you know, all in one take.

Erin: I have to say something. You—well, I definitely want to get back to this. Watching you do this and how not just into this you are, but you obviously know how to dive into these very sensitive things, and your calmness and your ability to relate this is really—I'm not going to say—

Bryan: It's soothing.

Erin: It's soothing.

Jessica: Thank you. Thank you.

Erin: And it's great to watch because you can see on your face how much you care.

Jessica: Yeah. I do actually really, really care. I do care.

Erin: It's really nice.

Jessica: Yeah, and also—I thank you. And, also, I have been doing this for 20-something years, and I have counseled thousands of people. I'm more of a counselor than a writer. And that's why I can talk to people, but also, it's like you said, Erin. It's like, well, you know I've come through some shit myself. So I don't take trauma lightly. And I also don't take—was your mom kind of like—not a cheerleader, but was she a pretty girl who—yeah, because—and is she also Syrian?

Bryan: She isn't. No, she's Texas forever.

Jessica: Okay. Yeah. Texas white girl.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah, because yeah, that shit's in your chart, the schism that that created. It's like your mom wanted you to be—do you not have a sister?

Bryan: I do have a sister.

Jessica: Oh.

Bryan: Yeah, I have a younger sister.

Jessica: Okay. Much younger?

Bryan: She's like four years younger.

Jessica: Okay. Yeah, much younger. Okay, because the birth chart describes events a year before birth until about seven years old. So your sister was only there for a little minute of that—

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: —because your mom didn't want you to be gay but wanted you to be her best little girl.

Bryan: Yes.

Jessica: Yeah.

Bryan: My mom wanted me to be a star.

Jessica: Yeah, like Shirley Temple. Shirley Temple. Shirley Temple.

Bryan: Yes. Yes.

Jessica: Yeah. She got her wish.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: Not the way she wanted.

Bryan: Not the way she wanted. Careful what you wish for.

Jessica: Yes, girl.

Bryan: No, she did. I think she at least immediately saw in me something that she wanted to champion and encourage, but—because she's always been very supportive of the acting thing, but just not—I mean, once the sexuality came into play, it was just like it was a dead end.

Jessica: Yeah.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: I see that. For whatever it's worth, your family is in love with you. Your parents are in love with you. They think the sun rises and sets with you. And they are so rigid and fixed in their worldview that that's what causes them pain, is that they feel that the choices that you've made and the person that you are and the ways they don't understand is a personal affront. And what is true for you is that it really—that, in a way, is worse than anything else for you because you are oriented to be such a people pleaser and to bend to make people comfortable in a way that it's like you probably turned yourself inside out to make yourself palatable to them, and it won't work because—and I don't mean to sound too heavy-handed, but there is a way that your mom loves herself in you and everyone else as long as everything is on the surface.

Bryan: Totally.

Jessica: And your dad has this insane well of anger and pain that he's constantly trying to manage, so it makes him shut down.

Bryan: My dad will just out of nowhere—he's always been like this. He's not really an emotional person at all. He's a very friendly person, I guess. He's a quiet person, too. He will out of nowhere sometimes just break down crying and have to leave a room and won't explain what happened or what's going on.

Jessica: He had a really traumatic childhood.

Bryan: Yeah. I mean, I'm saying—yeah. I actually don't know that, but it wouldn't surprise me.

Jessica: I mean, how else do you explain—

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: —something like that? Your father has survived a lot of stuff, and the way that he managed it was by being like, "This didn't happen." He did this marry-up thing. He became a really good American because the home he was raised in was not an American home. And I think, for all of us from immigrants, this is a real crisis because it's like, what language do you speak, metaphorically and materially?

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: And so the thing I'll tell you about what's happened in 2019 for you is that you have recovered from '17 and '18 where you didn't know who you were, and you lost things that you never thought you'd lose. And you started to have things actually happen pretty quickly, and you started to see all this excitement. Mama's getting play.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: And are you partnered?

Bryan: Very recently, yeah.

Jessica: Are you monogamous?

Bryan: Very recently, yeah.

Jessica: Uh-huh. Let's keep it open. So this is what I want to say. 2019 was a lot in that regard, a lot of change. But this is what's actually happening in 2020 for you. You're actually healing trauma, like childhood trauma. And it's really emo and it's really tender for you. And, as cheesy as this may sound, you're unlocking your power because what's happened as a response to your childhood is you kept yourself small, which is amazing because you're America's favorite homosensual. So it's amazing that you've—this is you small.

Erin: Can you imagine a quiet, shy Bryan? I mean, out of necessity, I can. But—

Jessica: Yes. I mean, I can because I'm looking at your chart and I see what you must've been as a kid: really self-protective and shy—

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: —and really people-pleasy in a way that if you were raised as a girl, you would've gotten validation for it. But raised as a boy, it was very worrisome.

Bryan: Yep.

Jessica: And so it gave you all these mixed messages around gender embodiment where some of your greatest qualities were poo-pooed on.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. I see that. And so it really fucked you up.

Bryan: And I was always constantly hearing, "You're a boy. You're not a girl. You're a boy." Yeah.

Jessica: I mean, yes, I see that.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: And I'm sorry. And this—honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if some version of that happened to your dad.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: And he just managed it better—you know, better, quote unquote. Right?

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: Also, your mom is really into gender binary. She's obsessed with gender binary.

Bryan: Oh—

Jessica: It's remarkable. Have you met his mom?

Erin: Uh-huh.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: She loves a gender binary.

Erin: She likes boxes.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah.

Erin: She understands a box and understands who needs to fit in the box. Yeah.

Bryan: Exactly. She needs two to three choices, max—really, for gender, two.

Jessica: Two. Two. Yeah.

Erin: That is such a—and I don't know how much of that is just the way society mixed—

Bryan: Crossed with religion.

Erin: —crossed with her religion, and then—

Jessica: Oh, is she religious?

Erin: —she also just—Texas just—

Bryan: More that kind of religious.

Erin: Texas is like, "Here are the seven things you're supposed to do. Don't be too loud. Don't do this other stuff. Don't be a vegan. Don't do anything weird, and everything will be fine." The minute you do something weird, everybody's so shook.

Bryan: Yeah. Make everything seem like it's a photograph, which—by the way, we're living in those times now.

Jessica: I mean, I was going to say, yeah.

Erin: And, by the way, what a great environment for a lot of sexual assault, a lot of abuse happening behind closed doors, and a lot of people getting the shit kicked out of them without feeling like they can go get any help. I mean, that is chronic down there because of this shit.

Jessica: Yeah. I believe that. And your mom got nothing but validation for all this stuff. Her successes are all built upon that stuff. So, to her credit, she did this because she thought it would work for you. And to this day—and I'm not trying to speak on behalf of your mom except for that you flip-flop between seeing it from their perspective and erasing your own or seeing it from your perspective and needing to hate them in order to have a boundary.

Bryan: You know what? It is true. I do think, as regards to them, I think in extremes. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. And it's like an old trauma pattern that is not just how you survived your childhood, but it's how your father survived his childhood. So it's this inherited thing that you have no context for. And so where your power is going to lie and where I think you're really going to have to focus in 2020 is being able to be present for the messiness of the nuance because you can have compassion for your parents and not accept their worldview and be like, "Oh, I have compassion to your worldview, and it has nothing to do with my worldview. I love my worldview, and we're going to be different in this way," because when you are able to be present with nuance, that's when you get really energetically big in your life. It's just hard to bring that shit to your childhood home.

Bryan: It is, especially because they think in black and white, good and bad, that sort of thing. So, even with my psychiatrist, that is one of my major goals this year is to be like, can both things exist? Can I be completely who I am—which I am in LA. Can I do that in Texas or when there in LA and not—and I think I am chipping away at that, but just sort of—yeah, that is a big goal for this year.

Jessica: It'll take the length of the transit, and it's going to feel like you're not making progress sometimes, but you're going to figure this out. It's going to change. And by mid-2021, it'll be done, this transit. And what I like to recommend is, if your mom's name is Sally McGee, whenever you hang out with your mom and she starts pulling whatever shit, you can just as a mantra in your head be like, "That's just Sally being Sally." You know what I mean? To depersonalize it, because with your parents, it's always personal.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: It's personal.

Bryan: Yeah, no matter what.

Jessica: No matter what. But if you can just be like, "That's just Sally being Sally. It's just Sally being Sally," then you can give yourself more permission to be like, "This is not about me," which will open up your love life—

Bryan: That's sort of a compassionate thing, too, actually.

Jessica: It is. It is.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: To yourself and towards them.

Erin: But also seeing their damage as not a function of something you can change or do anything about, and that that's just—it's not patronizing, either. It's not like, "Oh, you poor little fucked-up thing."

Jessica: Yeah, which is what we want to do. We want to punish them and explain things to them, or we want to bend ourselves into a pretzel for them.

Erin: Not our journey.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah, and none of it works. Now, can I say one more thing?

Bryan: Of course.

Jessica: Do you act?

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: Is that new?

Bryan: Success with it is new. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay, because in—I actually wrote it down. I don't have the exact date in front of me. I can grab it if you like. But in—I have it. Hold, please. Hold, please.

Bryan: Oh, yeah, whatever—

Jessica: I'm going to show you a thing. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Is it this year? Does it start this year? Bear with me.

Bryan: Please.

Jessica: It's going to be at the start of 2021.

Bryan: Okay.

Jessica: Your career looks like it's going to blow up, and it looks like it's acting specifically. It's being seen.

Bryan: The wheels are turning faster than they ever have for that, which is nice.

Jessica: Yeah. I see that. It's very exciting, and it's—

Erin: Is he going to leave me?

Bryan: Never.

Jessica: He couldn't.

Bryan: Erin's my ride-or-die.

Jessica: No, I believe that.

Bryan: Even when Erin and I have a moment, which is not often—but even when we have a moment, we are—underneath all that is—from my perspective is solid.

Erin: We have had maybe two fights.

Bryan: Yeah.

Erin: OMG.

Bryan: We couldn't be better—I mean, really, we're just like—we say it the minute we think it.

Jessica: Well, can I tell you that when I was studying both of your charts, I was like, "Oh, you have a nodal connection," which means you actually have a soul connection. And there's something about the consistency—

Erin: I just got—

Bryan: I believe it.

Erin: I just got the heebies. Yeah.

Jessica: And let me tell you why it is. It's because the consistency of the work together and the specific form of analysis that is required for the work you do together feeds your soul's purpose. So it kind of keeps you on track, even if you forget to talk to each other or whatever. There is something in both of you that's different but pretty much the same, which is you can get caught up by a wind. You can just—you're both very fiery, so houses get pulled down. And there's a need for both of you on a soul level to have a consistent set of habits that feed what you're actually meant to do. And the way that the show functions is in part—

Erin: We literally said that before you got here today.

Jessica: Really?

Bryan: Yeah.

Erin: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Well, shit, girl.

Erin: That everything in this business is so—well, I know I was telling you when we were trying to schedule you—I was like, "I want you to come on. I don't want you to come down just for us because we have such crazy schedules." And sometimes we have to move it around. But this is always—it doesn't matter if we have to move it. This happens every week. It's the one thing in all of our lives that is—

Jessica: For how long now?

Erin: Eight, nine years.

Bryan: Not quite that. I think like six, seven.

Erin: 2011.

Bryan: Oh, yeah, you're right. So like eight years, yeah. Nine years, almost.

Erin: Nine years this November.

Jessica: That's amazing.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: That's really amazing. Congratulations. It's massive.

Erin: We beat the Beatles. I don't think we did.

Bryan: I'm not sure.

Jessica: I mean—

Bryan: We did with record sales.

Jessica: —you will, obviously. Obviously. Now, one last thing I'll tell you—I know I said that already, but I'm going to do it again—

Erin: I could literally listen to this for 17 hours.

Bryan: Oh yeah.

Jessica: Oh my God. That's exciting. 17?

Erin: Yeah.

Jessica: Why not 20? I'm hurt.

Bryan: She needs to get some sleep.

Jessica: Okay. That's fair. That's fair. So this is something fun that no one likes to hear, but I'm going to tell it to you anyways. You are going through one of the transits associated with midlife crisis.

Bryan: Really?

Jessica: Yes. There's a series of transits associated with midlife. You are going through one of three of them. You've already gone through the other one, and then the third one will happen in a couple years still. Neptune square to Neptune. And what it does is it kind of makes you really aware of your spiritual value system, and it also makes you aware that culture is not made for you anymore. You're like, "Boop, boop, boop. What?"

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: That is a thing, and it hits you spiritually instead of cognitively. But the good news for you is that this is happening after the shit show that was '17 and '18 because if this had all happened at once, I don't know what would have gone on for you. I mean, puddle, puddle, puddle, puddle, puddle.

Bryan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jessica: It was really demoralizing. And it will never occur again, for whatever it's worth.

Bryan: That is worth a lot.

Jessica: Okay. Good. And if you had a health thing come up at that time, it is unlikely to reoccur. I will say about your body health you have very strong health, but what happens is you run your shit into the ground, and then you're down so far that it takes you upending your whole life to prioritize your wellness.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: So you need to shift that this year so your life is a little more flexible. Do you know what I mean?

Bryan: I do.

Jessica: Yeah. Your health is really important. And I know that in LA people are like, "Pedicure. Work out." But that's not just what I'm talking about. I'm talking about staring at a wall and doing nothing, just actually giving yourself space to have emotions, because when you forget to do that, it piles up on you. So it needs to be part of your routine. Now, let me see if there's anything I missed for you. Oh yeah. No, your life is going to totally keep on changing. Do you like stability?

Bryan: That's a good question. I don't know how to answer it.

Jessica: Well, that means no.

Bryan: Okay.

Jessica: That means it's not that important because people who love—

Bryan: I would like to say that I like stability, but I don't know.

Jessica: Well—

Bryan: I don't know.

Jessica: —I would say if it's not a clear yes, I mean, it's kind of a no.

Bryan: Right.

Jessica: Good, because you're not going to have a lot of it. But it's exciting. 2020 is exciting for you. There's a lot changing inside of you. And if you just keep on working with your shrink and doing this stuff, you're just going to become something that you don't recognize right now, but that's in a really good way, which is—yeah, it's just very exciting. So yeah. So that's what I would say about that. And that is your reading, unless you have questions for me. Do you have questions for me?

Bryan: I don't think I do, except I just have compliments that that was—

Jessica: Thank you.

Bryan: I guess one of the differences in at least the psychiatrist I have, who I do connect with and really like, is that it's nice to just be told something and not just have questions, that you're—you know what I mean? It's just nice—I guess it's very therapeutic—

Jessica: To have real guidance?

Bryan: It's very therapeutic for someone just to say, "This is what I'm seeing," instead of constantly asking me—which I understand is valuable—"Why do you think this? Why do you think that? Why do you think this?" It's nice to work it out—do you know what I mean—in that way; it's nice to hear it in this way.

Jessica: Yeah. I think it's really valuable with what I do to have a stranger be like, "This is what you're feeling. This is where it comes from. This is the time. And these are your options within it." It's not equal to therapy, because when I put it in my words you can be like, "Oh my God. That's right." But a therapist is not going to do that. It's not their job. Instead, they're going to be like, "You put it in your words," and that is deeply therapeutic.

Bryan: Yes.

Jessica: So I would say they're equal but different.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: Somebody who doesn't like astrology would say they're not. But trust—I have a lot of therapist clients. A lot of therapists want readings.

Bryan: No, I can see why. I can see why.

Jessica: Yeah.

Bryan: You sort of cut to it.

Jessica: Yeah. Thank you very much.

Bryan: Thank you so much.

Jessica: Also, oh my God, it is an honor and pleasure.

Bryan: Oh, please. Same.

Erin: That was fascinating to watch. And I have to say I had chills when you said certain things because you were just so spot-on, and I'd never heard anybody assess—well, especially with stuff with your parents, I'd never heard anyone assess that. And I never even thought about how your—

Bryan: I haven't—I mean, I have thought about it, but I've never really thought about it.

Erin: Contextualizing trauma as something that everybody has and not just parents are acting this way and that's all that is—I thought that was just really—that was just an astute way of putting that.

Jessica: Thank you. Yeah, one of the things that I have taught myself and really specialized in—and it is low key in the book, as much as I could put it in a beginning book—is inherited trauma. In particular, I'm interested in immigration patterns. And I see immigration not just from the perspective of coming from Syria but also class transcendence, looking at immigration of being raised in not a straight home but in a straight community where it's like you're not allowed to be gay. There's also themes of immigration that exist in there.

But in terms of inherited trauma, I mean, it's one of the things that when we can validate, "Oh shit"—like even if it's like your grandfather was an alcoholic and it was really hard on your mother, even if your mom is well adjusted and treated you like the sweet little babe that you were, it's still an inherited piece of trauma because we as adults, when we're parenting, are acting out of this place of making sure we're not what we come from. Now, I don't have human children, but I do that with my cats. I mean, who wouldn't? Right?

Bryan: Right.

Jessica: And so the reality of it is that we're constantly pulling away from our trauma or reacting to our trauma, or we're being batted around by it. And I think when we give ourselves permission to be fucked up, it's just easier to start to unpack it and then heal it. And what happens is, when we're like, "Oh, I see other people had it worse," that is a way we just invalidate our own experience—or the flip, when we're just like, "Everything traumatizes me. Everything is something that I need to write 20 pages about."

Erin: Hashtag, victim. Yeah.

Bryan: No one has it worse than I do. Yeah.

Jessica: These are both—they're both kind of—

Erin: Similar expressions of that? Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. And they're great phases of development, but you don't want to get trapped in either one.

Bryan: Right.

Jessica: You know? And I think that's the thing, is moving through your shit instead of getting locked into your shit. And that's why we have these difficult transits, because they fuck us up so that we get through our shit.

Erin: Shake it off, or do we stay in them?

Jessica: No, we don't have to stay—I think it's a matter of effort. And I have this thing that I believe, which is that we all have these tunnels of shit. And they're just these long, dark tunnels. I am very poetic. And they're full of our own shit, and they stink. And you start to move through them—

Erin: It's the end of Shawshank Redemption.

Jessica: That's exactly—it is. You've seen it. Okay. So you start going through your tunnel of shit, and it's dark and it's awful and it's long. You get halfway through, and you're like, "I have no idea what's on the other side, and it's so much further. Fuck this." And we go right back where we come from. It takes us the exact same amount of time, it's a ton of effort, and we feel like, "Well, I've been working on this for years. Why isn't it better?" But it's because we never move past the part where we don't know what comes next.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: And that's where—when we go through Pluto transits like you are, it's the time where you just need to go through the tunnel. And you have to be in the discomfort of not knowing who you're going to be and what you're going to lose. Most of us are unwilling to do this, for very fair reasons.

Erin: It's so scary.

Jessica: It's terrifying, but it's also the most gratifying thing because when you outgrow who you were, you get to be this better version of yourself. And, also, everybody has free will. So we get to be assholes. We get to be geniuses. We get to be whatever the hell we need to be. But yeah. I also want to read you. Can I?

Bryan: Yeah.

Erin: Yeah. All right. Let's take a short break real quick before we get into mine, and we'll be back in a second.

Erin: I'm very curious because I have recently had this done.

Jessica: How recently? Was it like five months ago?

Erin: Oh, no, it was last year.

Jessica: Okay, so not too, too recently.

Erin: No, not too recently.

Jessica: Okay.

Erin: It was during my dad's health crisis.

Jessica: Is he still with us?

Erin: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. So—

Erin: Look at how fucking—

Jessica: I love your chart. You have a lovely chart. 2019 and 2018, were those the two years that your dad was sick?

Erin: My dad started getting sick in 2018, and then yeah, last year was the worst part of it.

Jessica: Yeah. You were going through a Pluto conjunction to the Moon, and it was—it's like everything that you've done in your whole life to avoid being this person, it was like the universe was like, "That's cute. That's really cute. You're going to do it." And you found a new way to be responsible and to be present. And it was, I imagine, excruciating, especially because you had Saturn opposite your Ascendant and on your Moon off and on throughout the whole year. And so it was like you were having to make a feast out of very small grocery bags. Tie in. Well played.

Bryan: Thank you. Thank you.

Erin: Well done.

Jessica: You're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome. Thank you.

Bryan: Thank you. Stitcher Premium. Thank you.

Jessica: Yes, yes. Stitcher Premium. Yes. So it was—man, I mean, that you were able to be funny through it is very impressive because this wasn't fun. This was fucked up. I have very good news, though. It's over. 2019/2018 was not fun, but you have come through it.

Erin: Isn't that weird that we both had similar—

Jessica: Well, it's not surprising.

Bryan: Well, 2019 wasn't terrible for me. 2017 and 2018 were—

[crosstalk]

Erin: Oh, right. Okay.

Jessica: Yes. And, also—okay. So this is what's interesting. You are currently going through—and, again, I wrote down the dates. I can grab them. You are currently going through something called Neptune conjunction to Mars. Did the other astrologer mention this to you?

Erin: Mm-mm.

Jessica: So this is the one—

Erin: Well, I don't remember —

Jessica: Okay. Yeah.

Erin: —because some of this stuff—I mean, not to be disparaging, but I don't remember—I always have to ask her where my Sun and Moon are because—

Jessica: Sure, because why would you?

Erin: Yeah.

Jessica: This is why—I mean, you may have noticed I didn't talk about astrology too much when I was reading for you, because it's interesting—you're like, "Ooh, she knows words," but it's not actually that helpful. So I don't really talk about astrology too much. In recent years, I started doing it more because people are studying astrology more now. But, in any case, you tell me if what I'm saying you've already heard.

Erin: Okay.

Jessica: But one of the things that is happening for you right now—so, again, you've come out of a lot of heaviness. You've done a lot of work around family. And there was a loss, no?

Erin: Well, I mean, technically my mom's not speaking to me.

Bryan: Well, but also your grandfather.

Erin: Oh, my grandfather died. Yeah.

Jessica: Oh. She also had a rough childhood.

Erin: Yeah.

Jessica: And for her—

Erin: Which she's in denial about.

Jessica: Oh. Yes.

Erin: And that's what this whole thing was about, because I wrote about her family because we lived with her family for a while.

Jessica: Wow.

Erin: And so I wrote about them, and the whole family was basically like, "How dare you? How dare you talk about the truth?"

Jessica: Right. Well, they're very private. And, also, the way they cope is with denial. They just drink from the river. Drink from the river. And your coping mechanism is really effective for you. You just name it, name it, name it, name it. And her response to people rejecting her is to get very needy and very demanding, which is the opposite of what works on you. It's literally the opposite of what works on you—and because she's your mom. And so what you do with people, not just your mom—when they cross a line for you, you're just like, "Oh, that's cute. The line's over there. I'm over here. Bye." And what shifted in 2019 is that you just found this deeper well of emotion than you've allowed yourself access to. And it was fucked up, and it was actually really good for you.

Erin: Yeah.

Jessica: And what's happening now is that you are stepping into more spirituality, and it's actually helping your creativity. It's just not as public yet. There's something—I don't know. Are you a writer as well?

Erin: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay, because—are you working on something right now?

Erin: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Because it's really good, and it's really different. It's like a different creative process. It's a different kind of story. And you have to be more protective of it than you normally are. This is like clay, and you don't want a bunch of bitches touching it yet because it'll change it. And I think you need to give yourself permission to be more private, which is fucking ironic because that is part of the conflict with your family, but it's different. It's not pretending something isn't real; it's giving yourself permission to have boundaries, soft boundaries, because you're good at the hard boundaries. "Bitch, you cross the line, I'm going to cut you." That's your gift. It's your gift.

But what's harder for you is, "I actually want to just say that this is a line for me, and I'm going to just hold the line, and I'm going to be clear about the line." And that's actually a huge part of what you're doing this year, is figuring out how to give yourself permission to have these soft and firm boundaries that don't have to be like—because you always see it coming. You're like, from a mile away, "This is a person who's going to fuck with me or trigger me," or whatever. And you don't call it until they actually do the thing, and now you're like, "Oh, I can actually just trust myself. I can actually just name it." So that is the beautiful thing of what's happening for you this year, and there was something else so important. Okay. How is your health?

Erin: Not good.

Jessica: Is this new?

Erin: Yeah.

Jessica: I'm sorry. And is it autoimmune?

Erin: No. Well—so I have breast implants because I had a BRCA 2 preventative mastectomy. And so they have been recalled, but I can't get my doctor to call me back to tell me if I actually have the implants or not. So, basically, I don't know if I have to have them recalled because he just won't call me.

Jessica: The fuck?

Erin: It's really fucked up. And I didn't like this guy from the beginning, and now I doubly hate him. So now I'm trying to get the hospital to call me to tell me what implants I—I don't even have access to my own information.

Jessica: That's—I'm so sorry.

Erin: So I don't know. But—so that's—I don't know if that's affecting my health, but basically, because all my time has been devoted to other people, I haven't done anything—like I don't exercise anymore. I don't meditate. I eat—I had pizza last night for dinner. I stopped drinking, so that's been good, but—

Jessica: Good for you.

Erin: Yeah.

Jessica: That's not a small thing with your chart.

Erin: Oh, no, because I'm like, "I need to"—

Jessica: It's in the family, like deep in the family.

Erin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bad. Yeah.

Jessica: It looks like it's pretty damn bad.

Erin: My grandmother's a noon drinker.

Jessica: Yeah. I'm not surprised. It's like generations-deep alcohol stuff in your family. So quitting is so good for you. The advice I want to give you is just do really fucking small things for your health. Eat the fucking pizza. Give yourself permission to do the stupid shit, but choose one thing. And the thing about doctors not advocating for you and not being reliable is actually a big part of what happens under Neptune conjunction to Mars. Often, it brings up weird, rando health stuff where you're like, "Why do I feel off? I'm exhausted," or, "Do I have weird, leaky implants?" or something.

And it's a lesson in advocacy for yourself. Again, it's an extension of boundaries. It's like self-advocacy. And so the key for you is to treat it like a task instead of—and this is, again, ironic—what your mom would do, which is taking it personally, which is like—it's like a trigger for you that you don't play out personally as much as you do in impersonal situations. Does that make sense?

Erin: Yep.

Jessica: Situations like this. And so this is—if you can see it this way, this is actually like—all of these bitches are unconscious teachers. You don't want to give their personality any credit, but you want to say, "This is an opportunity for me to engage with some core shit with more awareness," because if you do, your art gets better. Your life is easier. It's actually really valuable for you. The downside is Neptune conjunction to Mars makes it really hard to advance yourself, like in a material way. So you call the doctor. You do all the fucking things. You write the emails. You contact the right people, and crickets. It's really annoying, and it's a two-year transit. So I will tell you the dates before I leave just for your edification.

It's a pain in the ass, but when I look at the big picture of your life, I want to say that the reason why this is happening is to kind of motivate you to make your life reflect your needs, not in a selfish, individualistic way, but in a really practical way—like in a really meaningful, practical way. And maybe that could mean a million different things, but if you're exhausted and you don't have energy for exercise, then maybe it means not exercising. And if you're actually like—

Bryan: I think that's good.

Jessica: It is.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: I think you're ready, because you had a time where you didn't—you were in survival mode for, it looks like, two years.

Erin: Mm-hmm.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: And it's okay to be like, "Oh, okay. So self-care is actually watching Netflix. That's actually self-care right now."

Bryan: I am so glad you're saying that because I don't think Erin does consider that self-care. Do you?

Erin: Oh, well, so—no, and, by the way, I only do it when I'm alone.

Jessica: Interesting.

Erin: If there's other people around me—

Bryan: You won't do it.

Erin: —I won't do it because I'm like, "Oh, there's too much to be done."

Bryan: But it is self-care to just sit in front of a TV and be a lazy piece of shit for a couple hours. Yeah.

Jessica: Yes. Yes.

Erin: I want to be a lazy piece of shit.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: In particular, it looks like you like serials.

Erin: I love serials.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. Serials.

Erin: Are we talking about eating or binge watching?

Jessica: Honestly, I was talking about binge watching, but cereals in a box, too.

Erin: No, I love to just sit all day and just watch one thing.

Jessica: I see that, like Broadchurch. Have you seen Broadchurch? It's so good.

Erin: No. I've heard it's—

Bryan: I have. It's excellent.

Jessica: It's so good.

Erin: The last thing I binge watched was—

Jessica: Sam loves it, too.

Erin: —The Durrels in Corfu.

Jessica: The what?

Erin: It's a PBS thing. I like stuff that's so [sacran 00:38:38] and British.

Jessica: Well, this is British. Broadchurch is British, but it's not sacran.

Bryan: It's not sacran, but it's really good.

Jessica: Oh, and I love those two actors.

Bryan: Me, too. I can never think of the guy's name, though.

Jessica: Dr. Who.

Bryan: Yeah.

Erin: How can we get a show on BBC? I feel like that would be what we should be doing.

Bryan: At BBC—sorry. I'm talking to my Siri. At BBC, we want a show.

Jessica: Top of the morning to you, governor.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: Just say that.

Bryan: Oh yeah.

Jessica: Yeah.

Bryan: At BBC, we want a show. Top of the Morning to You, Governor could also be the show title?

Erin: Oh yeah. That's great.

Jessica: It is. It is. It's just top notch because all British people, they wear top hats.

Bryan: They do. Every single one.

Erin: All of them.

Jessica: You've seen it.

Erin: And when the wind blows, forget it. How are you going to find out which is your hat, which is Broadchurch's hat?

Bryan: Can I ask you a more crucial question?

Jessica: Yes.

Bryan: Are Harry and Meghan doing the right thing?

Jessica: Absolutely. I have seen every episode of The Crown because I was forced to.

Bryan: I love—I only really appreciated this last season of The Crown, which I loved because I love Olivia Colman and Helena Bonham Carter.

Jessica: Because she's amazing. Yes.

Bryan: But are they doing the right thing? They are.

Jessica: Fuck yeah.

Bryan: Oh hell yeah.

Jessica: Fuck yeah. I'm so against the monarchy.

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: Fuck the monarchy. I'm sorry if you're listening, Meghan.

Bryan: No.

Jessica: I mean, she might be—

Bryan: She might—definitely if she's coming back.

Jessica: Maybe she's happy. Honestly, the whole time I watched The fucking Crown, I was like, "These motherfuckers."

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: In Canada, we have the Queen upon our money.

Bryan: Yeah, that's right.

Erin: But why? She's not really—

Bryan: When was the last time she even visited?

Jessica: Honestly—

Bryan: Oh, wait. She did. Or, no, William and Kate did a couple years ago.

[crosstalk]

Bryan: It doesn't count. Yeah.

Jessica: I mean, but she's an elder statesman.

Bryan: She is an elder statesman. She's getting to an age.

Jessica: I mean, I don't know if she should be flying.

Bryan: That's true.

Erin: She's on a private jet.

Bryan: I don't think she even goes anywhere anymore. I don't think she's gone out of—

Jessica: But you have to wear compression socks, and so—

Erin: Oh, right.

Jessica: —I don't know when you're older if it's harder on your veins.

Bryan: Yeah.

Erin: To go up in that altitude?

Bryan: I bet she's got some.

Jessica: Honestly, I do believe.

Erin: Look, we appreciate you coming on, taking the time to do with us our charts. This is a lot of work and a lot of mental energy.

Bryan: It is.

Jessica: It is.

Erin: And you're giving—I imagine—I thought you were just going to collapse after you did Bryan's—

Jessica: No.

Erin: —because it's a lot. I mean, it's just a lot to take on.

Bryan: She's got fortitude. She comes from immigrants. Do you know what I mean?

Jessica: That's right. I fly by my—

Bryan: Your people are survivors, ten times over.

Jessica: Yeah. Yes, we do. Totally. Living in the desert—

Bryan: Yeah.

Jessica: —or in the shtetl, depending on which side of my family.

Bryan: Sure. Yeah.

Jessica: But yes.

Bryan: Jessica Lanyadoo, you are a dream and a treasure, and thank you for today.

Jessica: Thank you.

Bryan: Yeah. See you next week, and don't be a Radisson dick pig.

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All right. Let's get astrological. This week, we are looking at kind of a big week because we're looking at the astrology of December 26th through January 1st, 2022. That's right. Happy freaking New Year if you're into that kind of thing. Is it arbitrary, this New Year thing? Yeah, I think it's totally arbitrary. And, also, is it like a huge measure of time and collective reality? That, too. Yes, absolutely. So, whatever you do for the new year, I hope it's life-affirming. I hope it's life-affirming. That's my wish for you.

Okay. Before I get into the astrology, I got two things to say. The first thing is astrology works. Like, it totally works. And some evidence of that is that last week I was hoping to launch my new website, and Saturn was square Uranus, Venus conjunct Pluto. It didn't happen. And it was a great way for me to engage with the lessons of the Saturn/Uranus square, the frustrations of moving forward. So that's cool, astrology in motion. Astrology works. And the bad news is, of course, that my new website is not up yet, but it will be soon, sooner than later. And I'm just going to say that when you see it, when you rest your sweet little eyes upon it, I hope it sparks you with the same level of joy that it sparks me with. It's pretty damn good.

And you probably know—maybe you don't, but I have an app on iOS called Tiny Spark. It's an app that helps you to resource your intuition. It's kind of like a magic 8-ball. You ask a question, you tap the screen, you get an answer kind of thing. But it's infused with a lot of magic. I really love this app. It's free at the iOS store if you're into it. But if you don't have an iPhone and you're like, "Jessica, please bring it to Android," I say unto you, my friends, instead of that, I brought it to my website. So, once my new website is launched at lovelanyadoo.com, you will go there, and you will be able to use Tiny Spark right there on the homepage as frequently as you like, till your sweet little heart is bursting with joy. That's the goal, anyways.

The other thing I want to say is I am so thrilled and honored at the amazing response to my January 2nd class, my forthcoming class with Rachel Budde of Fat and the Moon called Plants and Planets: Tools for 2022. I'm really just thrilled by everyone who signed up, and I want to encourage you to sign up for the class if you haven't already. If you can't show up live for the January 2nd, 2022, at 10:33 a.m. class—that's just when the New Moon is exact, the first New Moon of the new year—no problem, because you'll have the recording in your inbox, and you can listen to it whenever you like and as frequently as you like.

And in this class, we will be not just going through the major transits of 2022, but Rachel, an herbalist, will share the corresponding plants and tell us how to work with them. This is really, really exciting to me. I can't wait to learn from her and to share with you. But, also, it's just really practical because it's a stressful time. So I feel like we could all use tools that we can use on our own to take care of ourselves as we need, as stuff comes up. And this class will—it'll give you that. So join us there, and the link is in the episode show notes. It's also on my website, yeah, lovelanyadoo.com. That again.

Okay. So that's a lot of words, and I got more for you. Let's start your horoscope, okay? On the 26th of December, we have an exact sextile between Mercury and Neptune. For those who don't know, a sextile is a 60-degree angle, and it's like a spark of energy. So when Mercury and Neptune form a sextile, what we have is the capacity to kind of make connections intuitively. So if you're doing any kind of intuitive work, any kind of creative work, if you're a writer, a musician, a painter or whatever the fuck it is, this is actually a really great time for having ideas spark, for things to flow. If you enjoy singing, this is actually a really great time for using your voice as a tool for releasing energy. Isn't that nice?

If there's a downside, which—I'm a little bit stretching to say that there's a downside, but you know I like a balanced approach. If there's a downside, it can only be that you could waste time, just kind of get caught up in some sort of fantasy or be scrolling through your feed and be like, "Oh shit. I've been sitting here for an hour, and I thought I was going to sit here for ten minutes." So that kind of thing can happen. We just lose ourselves in the moment. These are things you might want to work on, you might want to pay attention to, but nothing too serious. It's real nice. It's real nice.

On the 28th, we have the planet Jupiter finally leaving Aquarius—won't return for another 12 years—and entering into the sign of Pisces. So we did have a sweet little taste test of this transit on May 14th through July 29th of 2021, and it kicks back in here on the 28th of December of 2021. And we will be in this transit until May 16th of '22, and then it will come back one last time on October 29th through December 20th of 2022. Okay? And I'm going to talk about this in depth in the year-ahead horoscope, which I'm dropping December 30th or the 31st. If you're not already subscribed to the podcast, hit that Subscribe button wherever you listen to podcasts so you'll know exactly when the episode drops and you can listen to it at your leisure.

There's a lot that I'll say about this transit in that year-ahead horoscope, but briefly, what I can say is that this is an important shift. Jupiter is very happy in the zodiac sign of Pisces. And so there are many astrologers who practice various forms of astrology that will be saying that this is going to be dreamy and wonderful, and there's tons of amazing things that will happen under the transit of Jupiter in Pisces. And that can absolutely be true, but you know me. I'm a humanistic astrologer. When I'm looking at these transits, I'm looking at it from a really human-centered perspective.

And I will say that in terms of what we can expect from Jupiter in Pisces is a lot of things, but one is incredible idealism, which—as you know, you put a thing on a pedestal; when it falls, it tends to crash. This transit can lead us to being dissociative, checked out, having a difficult time confronting reality, and we're in a very difficult reality in a lot of ways and around the world. Right? And so there is a lot to be concerned about with this Jupiter in Pisces. In particular, I will also say, of course, we're in a pandemic. Pisces can be associated with things that are infectious and getting flus and colds. And Jupiter is a big spreader—you know, spreader of good news a lot of times, but also just a damn spreader.

If you listen to Episode 232, called "Cyst Struggles," it's literally about how Jupiter is the planet that is associated with growths, benefic and malefic. Jupiter is growths. So we don't want to see COVID grow, and unfortunately, if people are feeling more idealistic, more dissociative, and we're dealing with a pandemic, then it can be really problematic. It can be very concerning. There are many implications to consider with Jupiter in Pisces. Some of them are really lovely and positive, and some of them are not.

And so I just want to—as a little whetting of your whistle before I really break it down in the next episode I drop, I just want to warn you about what I imagine you're going to hear a lot of, which is Jupiter in Pisces is amazing. All good things are going to happen. I don't want you to have too idealistic of an expectation of this transit, because I have not found that to bear, honestly—not in the modern world. And this is part of the lesson of Jupiter in Pisces. Can you flow? Can you grow from experiences that are and are not ideal and dreamy and lovely? Can you have healthy boundaries while being open to and present for your experiences? Jupiter in Pisces. It's kind of exciting. Also, it's important to have healthy and realistic expectations of what this will and won't do. More soon. More soon.

Okay. That brings us to the 29th of December. On the 29th of December, we've got three—not one, but three—exact transits happening. The first is a Sun square to Chiron. The next is a Mars sextile to Saturn. And then, finally, we have a Mercury conjunction to Venus. And if you are tracking the math of astrology or if you are an astrologer yourself, if you're using something like Astrology For Days, my pro tool for astrologers over at astrologyfordays.com—if you're doing any of that stuff, then you might notice that if Mercury and Venus are close together, that means that Mercury is not far from Pluto because Venus is very close to Pluto. So just put that in your little pipe. We'll smoke it in a moment. But let's stay here on the 29th.

So, on the 29th, these three transits are—two are lovely, one not so much. I'll let you do the guesswork on which is which. Mercury conjunction to Venus on its own is a lovely transit. It is social and stimulating and creative. But because Pluto is so close by—in fact, Mercury is exactly conjunct to Pluto on the 30th—it really does take a lot of the levity from that transit. So I'm going to unpack that a little bit more in one moment.

The Mars sextile to Saturn is a godsend between Pluto's involvement in the Mercury/Venus conjunction and the Sun square to Chiron. The reason why it is is because Mars sextile to Saturn is so grounding. It is so fortifying. It empowers us to use our energy constructively, to stay present, to follow through. So if you are in a position where you're dealing with difficult situations and you're feeling really overwhelmed, if you're feeling blocked or like you're just dealing with difficult shit, this transit can really help you to live up to your best potential, to have healthy boundaries, to not pop off on someone but instead to act in ways that reflect your integrity and the wisdom you have accrued, because it's great to do a lot of work—study astrology, play with tarot cards, go to therapy. These things are amazing. Obviously, big advocate of all of them.

But if you don't use all of that wisdom in moments of duress and stress, then what's it all for? We don't want our spiritual, psychological, and emotional work to exist only in our bedrooms when we're alone with ourselves. We want it to be applied in real-life situations. And that, my friends, is challenging. But, luckily, Mars sextile to Saturn is a fortifying agent of support for exactly that.

The Sun square to Chiron—it's challenging. This transit can confront you with things that are unintegrated and need further healing, and not theorizing. The Sun and Chiron both want it to be embodied, to be acted upon. And this is difficult because, again, Chiron is associated with wounds from the past, and often core wounds. So it might be like, "Okay, I broke up with my ex, and now I'm getting triggered." But it's not really about the breakup with the ex. It's about the core wound that you may have around abandonment or having a difficult time letting go.

When we're dealing with a Sun/Chiron square, we want to, to the best of our ability, look at, what is it that's happening under the surface? What is the emotion motivating the reaction? What are the beliefs motivating the emotion? These kinds of investigations are really healthy both with the Sun square to Chiron and also the Pluto mishigas that we have going on.

Because this transit kicks off some sort of healing crisis, you may find yourself dealing with people who are acting weird. They're acting fucked up or they're acting weird—because you want to remember that when most people feel insecure, scared, or vulnerable is when we feel the most entitled to act a damn mess. You do it. I do it. Everybody does it. Some people are much worse at it; some people are better at it. There's different moments for different things. But people are likely to be acting out because they feel fucked up and they feel helpless or unsure about how to manage those fucked-up feelings.

What I want to encourage you to do, armed with this astro data, is to really manage your own responses, to have as much empathy and grace for others—and, again, I am not in any way encouraging you to eat shit or to take abuse, but to understand that someone's motivations for acting poorly may actually be really understandable and have nothing at all, even a little bit, to do with you. And that doesn't mean that you don't have to then take care of yourself and have boundaries and do something proactive and creative around self-care. But it does mean that the narrative you run about this, about other people's behavior—you want to be really mindful of that because everyone's triggered. And when everyone's triggered, a lot of people are going to act up, especially people who haven't done a lot of work on themselves or are at a moment or stage with the work they're doing on themselves where it's not emotionally integrated.

When things aren't emotionally integrated, when we get activated, we don't have access to our wisdom. We don't act the way we had thought we would act because our emotions, our old patterns around emotions, our old wounding around emotions—it gets triggered, and that's where we act from. And that'll be most people. I don't mean most people in your social circle and your immediate family, necessarily. It's most people in the world. So, again, that could go pretty sideways for us. But it's definitely something that if you know it and you're armed with that knowledge, then you can use it. And you can use it to temper your reactions and your actions.

Whenever we're dealing with Chiron, it's an opportunity for healing. And, generally, opportunities for healing are uncomfortable. So this is a good time to remember that not all pain is bad, and it's not always wise for us to evade or avoid painful feelings and experiences. Sometimes it's actually really healthy.

Now, Mercury conjunction to Venus is also exact on the 29th. But on the 30th, as I said, Mercury is conjunct to Pluto. And so that means Venus is still very close to Pluto. And so what we can expect on the 30th—and, unfortunately, we will also be feeling it on the 31st when a lot of people go out and party and have a lot of really intense expectations for fun and getting along. This transit is just so fucking poorly timed. I can't even tell you. I mean, I say I can't tell you, but watch me tell you.

Okay. So this kind of grouping of transits—Mercury conjunct Venus and Mercury exactly conjunct to Pluto and not in perfect exactitude, but Pluto also conjoined to Venus—all of these things happening intensifies our thinking. And it intensifies it in a way that can be very destructive. Pluto does not care if we are doing things in a healthy way or a destructive way. It just wants us to do them in a deep and intense way. And so a lot of people end up feeling compelled, compulsive, and obsessive around their thinking when Mercury and Pluto meet.

And because, of course, this is all happening in Capricorn, what we have is the tendency for us to go through all the things that have happened and hold them up as evidence for why we have the right to think what we think, say what we say, do what we do, feel what we feel. And you know what? That might be true, but it might not be. You want to watch out for self-fulfilling prophecies in the latter half of this week. This is not a chill time. If you are planning on partying on New Year's Eve, I want to encourage you to do a couple things. One is be incredibly careful around COVID. We are in a really volatile time with the pandemic because we have this new variant, and we're still not sure what it means. And most people don't seem to have gotten the memo that we have to be incredibly conservative because it is the most contagious variant. Suffice it to say be careful. Wear a damn mask. I know it's a bummer. It's such a bummer. Everyone's burnt out. But if you're sick of the pandemic and you're not doing things to actively stop the spread of the pandemic, then you are perpetuating the GD pandemic. That's just—it's bad math. Don't do it.

Okay. Anyways, the other thing is drugs—you know, drinking, drugs, whatever. To me, alcohol is in the bucket of drugs. Pluto does not govern a good trip. Pluto does not govern moderation or a healthy experience with substances. So, if you're planning on partying, I would encourage you to go slow and to be somewhat careful because Pluto is going to give a very intense set of feelings and very compulsive thinking around this time. And that can lead to really intense social drama. Make sure you're not placing yourself in unsafe situations in terms of your bodily safety, your mental and emotional safety, because again, Pluto can find us in unsafe dynamics and situations. So you want to be careful. It doesn't help that the Sun square to Chiron will be active on the 30th. Luckily, it is not active on the 31st, but again, all this Pluto stuff will be.

This transit can spark power struggles and power dynamics that are really unpleasant. It can also theoretically spark really good, passionate experiences with people where you have great sex, or just something really exciting and engaging happen socially. So that's a positive potential. Mercury conjunction to Pluto is really good for deep self-work, for going deep inside. So if you're the kind of nerd that I am and you plan on doing some sort of deep spiritual work on the new year or at the closure of the old year, this transit favors that. It doesn't necessarily make it easy or fun, unfortunately, but Mercury in Capricorn is a very literalist placement. So it's good for doing work, like real work, and it's deep and investigative because of Pluto's presence. So it's a great time to get woo.

Now, the final thing I'll kind of point to about this transit is its mental health implications. This transit will intensify your thinking. And so, if your nervous system is feeling really taxed, if you are struggling with a lot of anxiety or depression, this transit will stimulate that. It will strengthen that, or at least it has the capacity to. That doesn't mean you're doomed, and it doesn't mean something bad is inherently going to happen. But it does mean, again, you are forewarned. So put things in place to support you around your mental health. If you're planning on going out, make sure that whoever you're going with knows that you might end up feeling weird, and if you do, you have a sign for "Please leave with me" or "Please step outside with me" or whatever it is. I mean, I say step outside, but really, we know that we're not supposed to be in indoor environments with many people, right? We know that as a collective. Right? Yes, I'm very, very worried about super-spreader events this week. I'm very worried about it. And I don't want to spread worry, but if you're not concerned, then I'm concerned for us all because, of course, pandemic, pandemic, pandemic. Right? Okay. Thanks.

So, back to your mental health, the good news is that on the 31st, the Moon is in Sagittarius. Hello, lovely Moon in Sagittarius. It's a lovely, optimistic, and fun placement for the Moon to be. And that, depending on your nature and your situation, can be really wonderful for helping us or helping you to feel more optimistic, willing to see the positive potential, to have experiences, and to really throw yourself into experiences. That can go either way in terms of whether or not that's good news or bad news, depending on your nature, your situation, and the moment you find yourself in.

So what you want to do with this information is temper it out. Temper it out with all of your personal factors and details so that you can make choices that are sustainable for you. Whatever it is that you do around New Year's Eve, whatever it is that you do with these kind of heavy transits that are happening at the end of the week, I want to encourage you to, in classic Capricorn season fashion, get grounded. Get present with where you are right now and where your life is at right now—not your ideals about what should be or should have been, not your fantasies for the future. If you want to do that after the 1st, be my guest.

But as we lead up to the end/the closure of 2021, a really intense and quite difficult year in a series of intense and difficult years, get grounded. Take stock, if you can, of what you have achieved. If what you've achieved is you fucking survived things you weren't sure you could survive, hey now. Celebrate that. If what you've achieved is less than you planned, it's different than what you expected or wanted, don't be a dick to yourself. Don't be mean to yourself. Appreciate how far you've come, whether or not it's what you expected or wanted, because when we can get really present and activate gratitude for what is, it makes it a lot easier to then mobilize towards what we want to create.

This is a terrible time to look at 2021 and be like, "Oh, I should have done this, and I thought I'd be here," or, "I wish I was there." It's a total waste of your energy. And it's also fair that you think or feel that way, but it's not a good use of your energy. To the best of your ability, get present with what is, and have appreciation, have gratitude, for what is and what has been. And you don't have to stay here forever, but come to the present moment and join me in this. From this perspective, it will become a lot easier to set intentions for the new year to come.

And that's it. That's your horoscope for the week. I want to thank you for joining me for another episode and another year of Ghost of a Podcast, which I don't only think of as a podcast. I think of it as a community of people striving to find ways of living that are healthy and looking for happiness in a world that isn't always happy. So I just want to thank you. I want to thank you. Thank you for showing up, however you show up, as frequently as you do or don't. And I want to wish you a happy new year, and I will talk to you again before the year is over.

If you haven't already joined me over on Patreon, please do. I drop lots of lovely woo supportive content over there, as well as teach tarot. And, of course, on January 1st, there will be a month-ahead horoscope in addition to the year-ahead horoscope that I'm going to be dropping right before that. Also, if you've gotten value from Ghost of Podcast throughout the year, this is a great moment for you to write a kind review, a five-star review, on any of the platforms that have reviews. It does mean so much to me and to any podcast that you listen to, especially the DIY ones outside of networks. So I would appreciate it.

I think that's it. I think that's it. Thanks for showing up, my loves. I'll talk to you next time. Bye.