Ghost of a Podcast with Jessica Lanyadoo

January 29, 2022

244: Failing My North Node + Horoscope

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Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit, mystical advice for living your very best life.

 

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Welcome back to Ghost. This week's question is about the North Node, and it goes like this:
"Your latest episode helped me understand that my North Node is in Pisces in the seventh house. From what I understand, the seventh house is about relationships. I've accepted the fact, due to my own personal issues, I'll probably never marry and I shouldn't have kids. I don't get along with people well, and I have a hard time making and keeping friends, so I've kind of given up. Does that mean running away from my soul's path? Loneliness, interpersonal conflicts, and not fitting in have all been major themes of my life since I was young and drivers of my depression. What happens if I 'fail' my North Node? How can I get back on track to fulfill my soul's path?" And Failing My North Node was born on August 29th of '88 at 7:39 a.m. in Southfield, Michigan.


So, before I go about answering this question, I want to say a couple words about the North Node or the nodes in general. And I've dropped an episode about the nodes on Episode 135, and I've given a talk on the nodes on my Patreon back in 2020. So, if you want to join me over on the Kittens level of Patreon, you can watch that. So, for some reason, I have been flooded with questions about the nodes recently. And most all of those questions have had within them a kind of misunderstanding of what the nodes are meant to be.


The nodes refer to evolutionary conditions. They're not personality markers. They are related to, yes, our soul's purpose, but in an evolutionary way. In other words, what our North Node points us to is where we are meant to evolve towards. So we're not meant to be perfect around our North Node, and everybody's nodal placement for their North Node is difficult for them. That's just how that goes.


The South Node refers to where our soul has already evolved to and where we're not meant to put more effort this lifetime. That gets really complicated for people very quickly because people hear that, and they start to get really literal. People will say things like, "Well, if my South Node is in the tenth house, does that mean I'm not supposed to have a career?" And the answer to that is no, it does not mean that. It's a lot more complicated and nuanced.


And while I'm not going to give a nodal lesson here, I want to acknowledge that this question actually kind of gets this concept that we can look to the North Node to have a sense of our soul's path. And the seventh house is in fact the place where we find intimate relationships. There's actually lots of points in the birth chart that point towards relationships in general, but the seventh house is where we find, essentially, partnerships. That's your bestie. That's your partner, whether it's your business partner or your mate. It's close personal relationships.


Here's the good news. You can't fail your North Node. You don't fail your own evolution. What it is is that you make more progress or not. You make mistakes and you learn from them, or you make mistakes and you don't learn from them. But you don't fail. That kind of thinking is not right thinking about astrology in general and life in general, probably.


Now, related to that, I want to reiterate something I've said about the Nodal Axis before, which is that the nodes are not planets, and we are not meant to be at a state of embodiment of our North Node before the age of 40. And you, my dear, are very much before the age of 40. You were born in 1988. Whether or not we are on track to embodying our North Node is hard to determine with any kind of accuracy before the age of 40. All we can do is strive to embody our birth chart to the best of our ability, and then we'll have a much clearer sense of what that means on a soul level in the face of life that occurs after the age of 40.


The cool thing about that is that we grow and evolve throughout every stage of life. And there is this misunderstanding, especially in youth culture, that when you're 30 it's over, that being in your 50s doesn't count. And, of course, that shit is ridiculous. And talking about the nodes is a great articulation of that. There is a phase of our life and development that happens post-40 and doesn't happen pre-40. So let's just not hold on to the North Node too tightly, especially if you're in your 30s or 20s.


Okay. All of that said, my dear, let's get into your question because you're asking about relationships, and you do in fact not only have the North Node in Pisces in the seventh house, but it's conjunct your Descendant. And so what this means is, yes, your nodal placement is articulating that you've come here in this life to figure out how to be in intimate relationships with healthy boundaries and flow in a way that doesn't obscure or oppress your own individual identity. It's kind of a mouthful, but that's what your nodal placement articulates. And that's hard for anyone, and as you're saying in your question, that's really hard for you.


And so this brings me to kind of a key part of your question, which is that you say you've given up. There is a really big difference between deciding that something is not for you and giving up, because you could decide, "I don't want to be partnered in this lifetime," or, "I want to be partnered, but I don't want to be married." You could decide to not have children. You could decide to not prioritize personal relationships. All of those things are perfectly reasonable choices that a human can make.


However, they are not equal to giving up. Giving up indicates that you want something, but you've given up trying to get it or make it happen. In the way that you've asked the question, it betrays that it's not really what you want to not have close relationships. It's that you don't believe you can get it, so you've stopped trying. And I would say that that is a bit of running away because life is hard. Relationships are really hard—harder for some people than others, but it's hard. And to give up before you're even 34 years old, before you hit your mid-30s, doesn't make a whole lot of sense. It's, again, a misunderstanding of time and age and even human nature, and certainly of astrology, because what astrology shows us is that we are always going through a personal evolution. And within that, we have the opportunity to change and grow.


And, again, if you don't want to have personal relationships, if you don't want marriage or kids, that's super cool. That is not a problem. It's giving up because you think you can't have them or because they're hard that is the problem. Generally speaking, with people who have this nodal placement that you have, personal relationships are hard, like soul-level hard. And on top of it, you have a Mars/Moon conjunction in Aries in the seventh house, and it is the focal planet of—or the focal planets of a T-square between Chiron, Neptune, Mars, and Moon.


And so, for you, boundaries are really hard. This is further iterated by the fact that you are a double Virgo. You've got your Sun in the twelfth house in Virgo. You've got a Virgo rising. And so boundaries are really hard. It's hard for you to identify what your boundaries are. It's hard for you to feel that you have a right to have them. And it's really hard for you to communicate them. So that Moon/Mars conjunction comes in, and you may snap at people. You may be really irritable with people. And it might be really hard for you to control your temper when it comes out. So you may repress, repress, repress, and then it pops out.


All of this is within your nature, but it's also within your nature to decide that you are going to cultivate an inner life, a spiritual life that supports you in identifying and validating your own feelings and needs, and then figuring out how to express them first alone with yourself—whether it's at a gym, with a diary, whatever—and then how to embody your needs and preferences with others—how to communicate them and how to embody them. And the embodiment piece is always big when Mars is present, but also the Moon. And it's the embodiment piece that is the hardest part for you, I would imagine.


And so none of this means you cannot or should not have a partnership or kids, but what it is articulating is how and why it's difficult. And within that is your assignment of what you need to work on. The Moon/Neptune square that you have in your birth chart—Neptune's also natally square to your Mars—makes it so that you feel that conflict—interpersonal conflict, fighting, any of that kind of stuff—is really bad. It feels really bad to you. You can have a value judgment with it, especially because you have all that Virgo in your chart.


But the truth of the matter is conflict is not fun, obviously, but it's not bad. We have conflict with people, especially if we're close to or around people who have really different values and preferences than us. Part of what's so important for you is to be able to navigate conflict and turmoil without abandoning yourself or acting out against yourself or others. And that's really hard. It doesn't mean that you can't do it. It simply means it's hard.


Learning how to be true to yourself and to honor yourself while in the company of other people, that is a really valuable and valid goal. And it's one that I would point you to from the wisdom of your North Node placement. However, I would not give you the goal of achieving that at this time. That's not the point. The point is not to cultivate close relationships. The point is to be willing and able to share of yourself with others in an authentic way. That's the point of this North Node placement. And you can do that with one good friend; you can do that with 12 good friends. You can do that with a partner or not. You can do that with kids or not.


Now, I will say there are things in your chart that indicate that you don't want children. Maybe I'm seeing this wrong. Maybe you do want children. But there's a way that when we kind of have a narrative running about ourselves like you do, like, "I can't keep friends. I don't make friends. I don't keep friends," it's easy to put all kinds of things in the same bucket that don't necessarily belong together. The desire for friendship, the desire for partnership I would hold really separately from the desire for children and parenting. For some people, these things are connected. I don't know that they are for you.


So, again, we come back to this theme of discernment, the need for discernment that you have in your own life so that you don't abandon your own goals and desires because things are hard. And I recognize they're pretty hard, but that doesn't mean that you're not capable. If you decide that you don't want to work on this or you try and it doesn't work out well, that doesn't mean you failed. It just means you've got more work to do.


It just means that there is more of a cause for investigation into what is authentic and true for you, and also what you want, because I imagine that you do get a lot of value from time alone. You do not need people around you all the damn time. But that doesn't mean that you don't need any form of intimacy at all. It doesn't mean that you can't get a great deal of value from having relationships where you can be yourself and you can be there for others.


So the way to get on track to fulfill that North Node in Pisces on your Descendant is to not give up, to keep on trying, to understand that giving up on having any kind of relationships at all is in effect giving up on yourself. And there's no value in that, really. It's starting small. It's having boundaries. It's trying. It's knowing that there's no relationship that is completely conflict-free and that your fear of conflict or your fear of making mistakes or having relationships be difficult is just that: it's fear. It's not intuition. And it shouldn't be treated like wisdom.


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Let's get astrological. We are going to look at the week of January 30th through February 5th of 2020. But before we get into details, I want to announce an AMA I'm doing—that's an Ask Me Anything—in honor of Valentine's Day. Do you love V-Day? Do you hate it? Me too. I love it and I hate it. And I am really happy to be doing an Ask Me Anything that will be prerecorded on Patreon.


What this means is you can join me over on Patreon at the kittens level, and between January 30th and February 6th, there will be a post that you can drop your questions about sex, love, intimacy, self-love, loneliness, dating, partnership, anything in that V-day category, anything lovey. And I will record a video that I will drop on February 14th that will be up to two hours long answering as many of your questions as I can get to in that time frame.


I'm really excited about it. My beloved patrons voted on what they wanted me to talk about and how they wanted me to present the information, and so I'm inviting you to join us over on Patreon and get into the conversation. And of course, as always, on the kittens level of my Patreon, you can hear the month-ahead horoscope, which drops on the first of every month, learn tarot with me, get into a bunch of spiritual content that I don't always talk about here on the podcast, and yeah. It's just generally lovely over there. So join me at patreon.com/jessicalanyadoo. It's always linked in my show notes, and if you follow me on social media, it's always linked in my Linktree.


Okay. Let's get into this week's busy horoscope. This week starts off with an exact transit on the 30th between the Sun and Uranus. The Sun in Aquarius is forming a square to Uranus in Taurus. And this transit is honestly pretty upsetting. When people hear the word "upsetting," they often think, "Oh, that's bad." And it can be bad, but upsets are not inherently bad things. They're simply surprising, unexpected, and destabilizing.


And in order to create the kind of changes we often need in our life, in order to shift our perspective to grow, to take risks and have adventure, we often need upsets, or we create upsets. And so Uranian upsets are not necessarily bad. They are, however, upsetting. They may upset you; they may upset someone else—TBD. Nobody knows.


What we want to do when we know that the Sun square to Uranus is coming is to prepare by not getting too attached to things going according to plan. Yeah. Mercury is still Retrograde, so best of luck with things going according to plan. Also, Sun square Uranus absolutely is curveballs. It's shit coming out of left field, and it creates a dynamic where we must be able to respond kind of impulsively or spontaneously. That can be really upsetting. It can be really difficult. It can cause a lot of nervous tension and nervous anxiety. And so, especially if you're prone to tension, then we may have a couple of days here where you're feeling particularly nervy and easily upset.


This information, like all astrological information, is not a sentence. Nothing is written in stone. What this is is a weather report. Don't forget it, my friends. I know I say this a lot, but I feel like it cannot be said enough. It is a weather report. And if you prepare for bad weather, then it's not that bad. And if you prepare for good weather, then you get to enjoy it. It's the same thing with astrology. Don't freak out. Also, be prepared for potentially rapid changes, surprising changes, unpredictableness, abruptness.


And because we are going through this larger transit of Uranus square to Saturn, what we have is this kind of added layer of data that lets us know that whatever upsets we're dealing with are likely to upset our sense of reality or the status quo, our habits, in some sort of way. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is specific to you. We will continue to see issues around infrastructure on a social level but also on a personal level because the infrastructure of our lives, of ourselves, of our communities, or of society—they all are being kind of shaken up by these transits. And so be on the lookout for outbursts.


This is not a great time to act out. You want to watch out for toxic individualism coming out of yourself or others. If you act out in a way that you realize 15 minutes after the feelings pass was shitty or in some way overstepping, protecting your rights at the cost of others, protecting your peace at the cost of others, then the work is really simple. You be humble. You own it. Don't berate yourself. Make amends if you need to. Offer apologies if you need to. And handle it, basically. Every setback, every failure is an opportunity for growth if you take it that way. It's hard. It's terrible and hard, but it's also true.


So, on the positive, this transit is excellent for breaking through stagnation, breaking through routines or ruts, and creating a more dynamic and pro-future way of engaging with your life. And I say pro-future—I don't think that's a word. I apologize. But Uranus is related to and concerned with the future, and the Sun is your identity. So if you're going to shake things up, if somebody else has shaken things up and you have to respond, don't just think about today you. Think about the needs of tomorrow you because Uranus wants us to have a more free and autonomous life. So how can you think about that in the midst of whatever limitations or frustrations you encounter on and around this day? Trust me, future you will be very happy for it.


Now, the next transit for me to tell you about is a New Moon in Aquarius, and it's happening on January 31st at 9:46 p.m. Pacific Time. This is not a bad moment for me to remind you that if you want to track the transits, you can always subscribe to my astrologers' pro tool, Astrology For Days, where you can adjust the time zone to meet your needs. Are you traveling? Just change the damn time zone. Do what you gotta do.


Anyways, okay. Back to the New Moon. We've got a New Moon in Aquarius, and New Moons always occur when the Sun and Moon are the exact same degree of the same sign. And, generally speaking, New Moons are a time for seeding things, planting seeds. It's a time for initiation. It's the start of a cycle. It's an opening. New Moons are a fertile time of the month. They're a time where we can renew our energies. That's a beautiful thing, right?


Now, during this transit, we are still very much under the influence of the Sun/Uranus square. So that means that the Sun and Moon are square to Uranus. Also, Saturn is very closely conjunct to the New Moon. The New Moon's happening at 12 degrees of Aquarius, and Saturn is at 15 degrees of Aquarius, giving this New Moon a much heavier feel—like a much heavier feel. And Saturn and the New Moon are all square to Uranus, giving it an unpredictable and potentially frustrating vibe.


The tension between Uranus and Saturn is frustrating. This is why so many countries around the world are like, "Masks? We don't need them. Pandemic? It's done," while hospital and death rates are somehow really high. So we have this "What is real? What are we supposed to believe? What is the right thing to do? Do we be conservative or do we take risks?" This is really classic of this Uranus/Saturn energy, the square between these two planets. And note to whoever is organizing things up in ye olde Universe, maybe we don't have a Uranus/Saturn square during a global pandemic next time, you know? I don't know. It's just an idea I'm kicking around.


Anyways, this New Moon is laden. It's got this heavy Saturn energy that Uranus is trying to usurp. And this can, again, lead to major tension. This can be your mental health. This can be your emotional health because Uranus and Aquarius energy is very mental, and of course it's a New Moon, so we're dealing with Lunar energies, in other words emotions. You may have to deal with some unexpected change; we're still in that Sun/Uranus vibes, but now it's more intense. And that unexpected change may come from within you. It might come from another person or your circumstances.


You are likely to feel a sense of tension because you can't necessarily do what you want to do, or you may feel that doing what you want to do has consequences that you don't want to deal with. This energy really suggests growing pains. And, again, don't just think about today you. Think about tomorrow you, next-month you, five-years-from-now you. Think about your future when you're dealing with your present. I don't mean this in a future trippy, overwhelming yourself with too many options kind of way. I mean this is a time to invest in yourself. This is a time to understand that investing in yourself is, in the highest vibe sense of Uranus energies, also about investing in your community, investing in others, in the collective.


We don't want to forget that all this Aquarius energy and Uranus energy is revolutionary. It is expansive. And the thing about revolution is, when it has some realism kind of wired into it, when there's a sense of action and consequence and intentionality, revolutions can be really effective. The cool thing here is Saturn's involved. And because Saturn is involved, there is the energy here for us to make plans for our futures—again, individually or collectively—that have roots, that actually build up to something that creates real change, and that that change is more humane and offers more autonomy and freedom, which is really fucking cool.


If you're doing spiritual work, I would encourage you to keep it really grounded in order to honor the Saturnian energy that is in this New Moon chart. Additionally, we've got a stellium in Capricorn. Venus and Mars are conjunct in Capricorn, and Mercury Retrograde and Pluto are conjunct in Capricorn. There's a lot of fucking Capricorn energy for anyone any day of the week. What this indicates is that this New Moon is a very relational New Moon. So it's very much about our relationships, whether it's your relationship to yourself, your relationship to others in an interpersonal way or in a social way.


However it plays out for you, this energy wants us to take responsibility for how we engage, for what we consent to participating in and how we choose to participate. Some of this will require us to mind our mind, and that is because of the Mercury/Pluto conjunction that we're still feeling. Minding your mind looks like noticing where your thoughts are lingering, what your attitudes or obsessions and fixations are focused on, and making sure it is constructive, and if it's not constructive, redirecting your thoughts. It is difficult. It is so difficult to do, but it's also very simple to do. So don't let it get too complicated. You don't have to fix things or figure them out.


What you want to do is get aligned with your focus being pointed in a constructive direction. By all accounts, by all indications here, that will be difficult to achieve. But the struggle is a challenge worth engaging with. If you're working with groups of people, any kind of project, really, you're likely to notice it. Let people reveal themselves to you. Take in the information. Don't fight it. Don't try to be like, "This doesn't make sense. Why is this happening?" Just pay attention to what people are showing you of themselves because when we feel fucked up or destabilized, sometimes we act out in ways that do not reflect who we are, but sometimes we act out in ways that really show our ass.


This is a good time to pay attention to that. And if you, my dears, are the ones showing your own ass, then take responsibility for that because no one amongst us is supposed to be perfect. No one. We are all making mistakes. That is kind of part of the human game. We're going to keep on making mistakes. And what we want to do is not strive to be perfect, but instead, strive to learn from our mistakes, to have enough strength of character to be able to acknowledge that you fucked up when you fuck up, or when you acted in ways that didn't quite reflect how you wanted to act. This New Moon can help us to facilitate that kind of growth, to move in that direction. That's the good news of that Saturn conjunction to the Sun and Moon.


Now, the next major transit is Mercury going station direct. What a joy. This is happening on the 3rd of February, and we will be in the Retroshade period until February 24th. All told, this Mercury Retrograde has spanned from the first Retroshade on December 29th of 2021. Mercury actually went Retrograde on January 14th. It is over February 3rd. And then, on the 24th of February, the Retroshade is over and we will not have another Mercury Retrograde until early May. So we won't start feeling a Retroshade until late April.


Yay. This is really great news. Venus is no longer Retrograde. Now Mercury is no longer Retrograde. And in this Retroshade, a.k.a. for the rest of the month, we can expect that some of the miscommunications or the misunderstandings that happened during the Retrograde start to come to light or you have to deal with the consequences of them. This Retroshade period is still one where you want to be particularly careful with all that Mercury Retrograde stuff—communications, contracts, plans. But it's not a Retrograde, so you don't have to overthink it.


That brings us to the last transits of this week, and we've got two exact transits on the 4th of February. One is lovely and one is hard, because fucking life, right? Okay. So we've got an exact Mars sextile to Jupiter and an exact Sun conjunction to Saturn. Happily, these transits can kind of counteract each other a little bit or work together in a way that is constructive because the Sun conjunction to Saturn can be quite depressing. This transit coincides with feeling just like your tank is empty. It can make us feel depressive. It can make us feel like we don't have the psychological or physical vitality that we need in order to get through the day. It's only a three-day transit, so we'll feel it the 3rd, 4th, and 5th, but it's exact on the 4th.


It's like a downer. It's just a downer. And a lot of people when they feel bad go into dissociation or anger or sadness, all kinds of emotions that are kind of like the scab over what's really happening. And so, if the Mars sextile to Jupiter wasn't happening, I would be a little bit more concerned about how this transit is going to show up for us. But, luckily, the Mars sextile to Jupiter is really good for fortifying our energy. It's kind of the opposite of what I just said about the Sun conjunction to Saturn. It offers up the energy that we need to feel resilient, to have physical and psychological energy, and to have kind of a sense of, "Oh, I can do something with this energy. I am not stuck."


This transit, Mars sextile to Jupiter, puts us in touch with our agency in a really healthy way. And Jupiter is a planet that governs generosity, amongst many other things. And so a Mars sextile to Jupiter can incline us to not just think about what I need, which is kind of Mars's jam, but what we need, or "How can I get what I need while considering the needs of others or being generous with others?"


This is a really great transit to have at the same time as a Sun conjunction to Saturn because the Sun conjunction to Saturn can also find us feeling really clear about what needs to get done. This transit can confront us or clarify for us what needs to be done, how it needs to be done, and when. This is actually really great energy to do menial tasks with, like to organize things, to follow through on a bunch of shit you don't really want to do but absolutely needs to get done. And the Mars/Jupiter sextile will just really help that energy along. It'll help us to make use of this energy.


All this Sun/Uranus/New Moon in Aquarius energy, it's kind of all over the place and focused on potential in many ways. And then we have this Sun conjunction to Saturn, which can be a total boner, just making us feel like, "Well, shit. Now what? I can't do anything." That's the negative. On the positive, this transit can provide the energy that we need to get to work, to do things, and to follow through. So all this Aquarian and Uranus energy—like I said, it's all over the place. It can have us big on ideas and not so much on the follow-through. But the Sun conjunction to Saturn absolutely gives us the energy for follow-through, for actually putting our money where our mouth is, as it were. And the Mars/Jupiter sextile gives us the resiliency and the energy to get that shit done, which is really wonderful.


And so, if you are feeling really down and low energy, I would encourage you on and around this day to ask yourself, "Is there one thing that I can do today that is constructive, that will help my to-do list, that will help the kind of nuts and bolts of my life?" If you can, that's a great use of this energy. And, of course, gratitude is always an anxiety buster. Technically speaking, Saturn is related to depression and not anxiety. However, the week's energy—yeah, it can be pretty anxiety provoking.


And so, once we kind of tumble out to the end of this week and we find the Sun/Saturn conjunction, you just might be feeling destabilized. It's valuable to remember what you have to be grateful for, if you have the energy or resources to be generous and kind to others, because that shit when it is not paired with expectations feeds you, and it feeds the people around you. And there's really no downside to that.


Now, one more thing I'll say about the Sun/Saturn transit is that if you get any kind of accolades, if you get an opportunity or any kind of recognition or kind of the consequences of hard work done—if there's anything in that nature around this date, you should feel really, really good about yourself because when we achieve things or we get accolades in the presence of Saturn, it is well deserved. It is hard won and well deserved.


And so take the time to be really, again, grateful for your accomplishments. And know that while Saturnian energies aren't great for slowing down to smell the roses, when you do, great things can happen. And, again, this is where we turn to that Mars/Jupiter sextile, and we say, "Thank you very much. I like that very much. Thank you," because that energy supports us in taking a moment to be happy about things, where the Sun/Saturn conjunction—it's not so much focused on happiness.


Now, my dears, I'm going to run through the transits of the week one more time in case you're taking notes. On the 30th, we have an exact square between the Sun and Uranus. On the 31st, or the 1st depending on where you are in the world, we have a New Moon in Aquarius. It's happening at 9:46 p.m. Pacific Time. On the 3rd, Mercury goes direct and we all rejoice. On the 4th, we have a Mars sextile to Jupiter, and the Sun meets Saturn for a conjunction in Aquarius.  And that's it. That's your damn horoscope. I hope it helps you to plan for the energies for the week ahead.


As always, if you get value from this podcast, please do give it five stars wherever you listen to your podcasts and subscribe to it. Also, if you'd like to learn more with me and joining me for that AMA is not exactly your vibe, you can go to my website, visit the Shop page, and find classes and a link to buy my book, Astrology For Real Relationships.


All right. Thanks for listening, and I will talk to you again next week. Buh-bye.