Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

Jessica: Megan, welcome to the podcast.

Megan: Thank you. So excited.

Jessica: I'm excited, too. Tell me what you would like to talk about or what your question is today.

Megan: Well, when I wrote in, I think it was during Mercury Retrograde, and those hit me really hard. And I've just felt like I'm going to work every day; I'm working for everyone else. I'm doing good work, but I'm just not getting the personal satisfaction out of it that I used to. And I know your take on purpose, but I just felt like this can't be it. This can't be all that there is to it. So I think I just felt like I'm just kind of burdened by everything that's going on in the world and that work, and I don't have a refuge for myself. But during that time, I have news since then. It's that I felt so physically tired, so just last Friday, I found out that I was pregnant.

Jessica: Congratulations. Congratulations?

Megan: Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Good. Congratulations. I was like, "Is this good?"

Megan: It's good. It's good.

Jessica: It's [indiscernible 00:01:34], so hopefully you want it, right? It's complicated.

Megan: Right. Very.

Jessica: Yeah.

Megan: Yeah, but it's good.

Jessica: Congratulations. And are you in a position where you were trying, or were you just like, "Oh. Wow. This is why I'm tired. I had no idea"?

Megan: Kind of not trying, but this definitely explained the physical fatigue. And then I'm like, "Well, okay. Now I have my own personal purpose." But I mean, is that really what this is? I'm just looking for more direction, especially with my life changing so much, to make sure that I'm a whole person as myself but also a whole person that I can be an example to for my child.

Jessica: Yeah. This is great. And is this your first child?

Megan: It is.

Jessica: Congratulations.

Megan: Thank you.

Jessica: Okay. So there's lots to talk about within this. And you're not going to share your birth information, but I have your chart pulled up. And I love all the privacy in Scorpio season. It feels very on brand. I feel like we're living astrology, and it's good.

Megan: Good.

Jessica: But I want to just check in. So there's moving parts to your question. There's this larger question of purpose, but you also mentioned work. So my question for you is do you mind sharing what you do?

Megan: I am a family medicine physician. So I see kids, babies, all the way up to geriatrics. My oldest patient is 103.

Jessica: Wow. 103.

Megan: It's amazing to see.

Jessica: That is truly amazing and slightly scary. 103 sounds very, very old. Very old. When it comes to work⁠—and obviously, we're living through a pandemic, and it's a bananas time to be a human, let alone a human doctor. Is a meaningful part of your question about your work, or is it just a meaningful part of your life?

Megan: I mean, it's a very meaningful part of my life, but I've always felt like I didn't want my whole being to just be a doctor. If I could never be a doctor again starting tomorrow, I don't want to feel lost. And I think I read somewhere⁠—this was probably in my 20s when I read about my North Node. And it basically said I was here to work.

Jessica: Interesting.

Megan: And that was it. I'm like, "Wait a second."

Jessica: I wouldn't agree with that statement.

Megan: Okay. Good.

Jessica: So we'll talk about that.

Megan: Okay.

Jessica: Do you love being a physician?

Megan: Yes and no. I think almost every doctor could probably agree with this, but I feel like I love the patients and my interactions with patients, but once I step out of the exam room, I don't love what comes with it⁠—the business, the paperwork, the administrators.

Jessica: Yeah. The burden of being an American physician is real.

Megan: Right. Right. Yeah.

Jessica: I have so much I want to say already, but let me just kind of stay in my information fact-finding moment. And are you partnered? Do you have somebody who's going to coparent with you?

Megan: I do.

Jessica: Okay. Great. And do you trust them?

Megan: As a father/parent, yes. As a partner, not completely.

Jessica: Yeah. And are you in a monogamous relationship with him?

Megan: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. And does he have other kids?

Megan: One.

Jessica: Okay. That's why you trust him as a parent, because you've seen it.

Megan: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. And when it comes to not fully trusting him as a partner, is that because he doesn't show up day to day, or is it more the big stuff?

Megan: I mean, I've diagnosed him in my head. I think he has a form of ADHD. So he procrastinates a lot. I feel like I have to nag him, which I hate doing. I just don't think he's been consistent enough to earn my trust when it comes to being a partner, checking in, being open in a relationship.

Jessica: Yeah. And you're late 30s⁠—37, 38⁠—right now?

Megan: 37. Yeah.

Jessica: 37. Okay. Great. So you know me. I'm not a fan of fixating on the Nodes before the age of 40, but you're so close to 40, and this is a moment, so we're going to go there.

Megan: I am. I am.

Jessica: We're going to go there. So you have the North Node in Taurus, and it's in the second house, the house of Taurus. Okay? So it's in the sign of Taurus, the house of Taurus. And this nodal placement, honestly, I find to be one of the harder ones. And the reason⁠—that doesn't mean it is. It's just my personal take, and it's like my take is influenced by my birth chart. But let me tell you why: because having the North Node in Taurus means that you've come here in this lifetime to figure out what your values are. You called it purpose; I called it values. I did not know we were going to talk about this today, but of course, it's a freaking Eclipse, and I've been talking about values nonstop.

So this nodal placement says that you have come here to figure out what your values are and that in your most recent incarnations, it was to let go of things. It was to move past convention and find yourself in that way. And in this lifetime, it is to identify with the things that give you purpose, the things that you authentically value, and to organize your life around that. It's not about work at all. It is about values. And the reason why I think it's so hard for people is because I've seen a lot of people with this placement throw themselves into things like drugs or work or service⁠—it can be any number of things⁠—but throw themselves into things with the hopes that, "If I really give myself over"⁠—which is a very Scorpion way of thinking; it's that South Node in Scorpio⁠—"then I will find my purpose through the losing myself in the action."

And that actually doesn't work for this nodal placement. So you can kind of go far and wide in a direction before you're like, "No. That's not working. It doesn't work for me." Does that make sense, what I'm saying?

Megan: Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Yeah.

Jessica: The way that this particular nodal placement is difficult is not like it gives you a bad life. It's more that you can very efficiently hide your pain from everyone else and struggle because it's such a spiritual, existential thing that it's actually foundational to your material welfare, as well as your emotional/mental welfare. So it can be quite difficult. This is a really triggering period for you in that regard because, again, we're in this Eclipse Season that's triggering the Scorpio/Taurus polarity, but also for other reasons, which I'm going to get to⁠, I promise you.

So I want to say something else. In your birth chart, you have a Midheaven in Sagittarius with a Moon/Uranus conjunction in Sagittarius. So, for you, work is really important, but if it's too routine, man do you get bored. When you get bored, you get irritated. And when you get irritated, it's very hard for you to focus. And so what can happen is you become too efficient, and you become efficient for efficiency's sake instead of for the actual task at hand. Does that make sense to you?

Megan: Yeah, it does. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. Work is really important in your birth chart. There's a lot of things that are really important about work, so about career, but also just labor, work, daily habits⁠. So having a partner where you're like, "Oh. He requires consistent nagging about little things," that's actually a bigger problem for you than it might be for someone else because you're very particular about how things should go. You have a stellium in the sixth house. You just get things done. It's how you take care of yourself. You're just like, "I just have to do it. Just get it done. Just get it done." And you hate being a nag. It doesn't mean you're not a nag; just means you hate being a nag.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: You detest it intensely. You want people to be self-starters because you're a self-starter. So I do want to talk a little bit about coparenting if you're open to that. Are you open to that?

Megan: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Cool, cool, cool. We're going to do that. We're going to do that. But I want to start with this larger theme of purpose.

Megan: I mean, now I kind of do feel like here's something else that I can put my energy towards; here's another kind of identity, another purpose for myself, besides just being someone's girlfriend and being a doctor. So I think what the question that I'm asking now is, is this being a parent, being a mother⁠—is this what I'm meant to do? You've already told me it's more of being here to determine my values and to live my values.

Jessica: So that makes me want to ask you the question, have you always wanted to be a mom?

Megan: Wanted? I guess yeah. I don't think I ever thought that I wouldn't be. I might have went through a phase where I just thought, "Okay. I'm just going to be a single lady out here, and Single is going to be my first name." But that changed. That changed very quickly. And I think I had so many mother figures besides my mother, and I always felt like I was a nurturer. It just⁠—I don't know. I just always thought I would eventually have a kid at some point.

Jessica: Okay. So that is a great answer⁠—doesn't at all answer my question, but I wanted to let you go all the way with it to see if you were maybe going to⁠—before I was like, "That's not an answer."

Megan: Sorry.

Jessica: No, no. It's good. It's good because the truth is most women, in particular straight women⁠—I don't know if you're straight. Are you straight-identified?

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. I made that assumption. Sorry. But I was right. Okay. Cool. Most women are never actually asked the question, "Do you want to be a mom?" And so most straight women have the assumption, "I will." And then, if they don't have a baby by their early or mid-30s, they're like, "I guess I won't," which is really different than asking yourself the question, "Do I want to be a mom?" You've given me the answer so far. The answer is you actually haven't fully asked to yourself the question, so you don't fully know the answer. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it or that it's a bad idea. It's just important information, and it's connected to this North Node thing we're talking about because it's about identifying, "Would being a mom give me purpose?"

I fear for you that if you don't have conversations with your partner now about what you expect and what you need and what he expects and what he needs and what he's willing to offer, that you will be very fucking annoyed. That is my concern for you, and that's not about parenting. That's about coparenting. This Moon/North Node/Midheaven conjunction in Sagittarius tells me very clearly you need time alone. You need spontaneity. There is a reason why you're a doctor, and it's not just about medicine. It's also about being in a position of authority, holding space but also data for a lot of people, taking care of people⁠—these things are natural to you, and they're important for you and to you.

But what I have seen literally countless times in my counseling sessions is that a lot of women put up with a lot of shit from their men until a child comes, and then all of a sudden, you realize that some of what he needs is what you need to give to a child because it's parenting. So I'm not trying to freak you out about this guy, so sorry if I am at all.

Megan: Just a little.

Jessica: A little. I could tell. I'm seeing your face be like, "Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit."

Megan: Oh no.

Jessica: But can I look at him psychically?

Megan: Sure. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. So we're going to beep out his name, but will you say his full name for me?

Megan: [redacted]

Jessica: Do you clearly communicate with him what you need?

Megan: I used to. I think that I'm getting better at it, but there are some things that I have just gotten tired of asking for, and in my mind, I've just decided that he's just not able to give that right now.

Jessica: Like what?

Megan: So we had a recent argument⁠—it was a really big argument⁠—about physical intimacy. And he is just ready to go all the time, which⁠—sometimes that's okay, but most of the time, that's just not what I'm into. I need the whole romance and the flowers and the music and the lights. That's just how I am, and not just because I want it. It's just that actually helps me kind of get out of my mind, get out of what I think I should or shouldn't be doing. He's done it sometimes, but for the most part, he hasn't, and he still doesn't understand why that's important.

Jessica: Okay. So he doesn't understand that those are all parts of sex for you. So, when I look at your birth chart, you've got this Mercury/Mars conjunction in Aries. I just was like, "Oh. You speak your mind. You say what you need to say." But then I looked at him energetically, and I was like, "Oh. You don't. You don't. You do when you're pissed, but you don't until you're pissed."

Megan: Yeah. I speak my mind at work.

Jessica: Right. Right. At work, and it looks like in places where you're advocating for other people in general, it looks like you're good at it.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: But when it comes down to it, there are certain things that it looks like you just feel like, "Well, I shouldn't have to say it." It's like a little bit of girl damage stuff, like, "You should know. I shouldn't have to say it." And it looks like it's about lots of little things in particular, like just little things, even dishes or texting or⁠—

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: It's those little things. You let them go. You let them go, and then one day, you can't let anything go because you've been letting so many things go. And to⁠—I'm not going to say to his credit, because I could criticize him a lot because⁠—okay? Because I could. But he doesn't know that you're compromising a fraction of the amount that you're actually compromising. He doesn't. To be fair, you don't tell him. And sometimes, when you tell him, you're having an argument, so he's not really listening. He's just like, "Why is she mad?" instead of actually listening because you're mad. And you've got Mercury and Mars in Leo, so when you're mad, you're mad. Am I seeing that right? Is that correct?

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. I'm not mad at that. I mean, you know, I get mad.

Megan: Yeah. It's fire. It's heat. Yeah.

Jessica: It's a lot of heat. And you've got Jupiter opposite your Mars/Mercury conjunction. On top of that, you've got Saturn square your Mars, so when you're like, "Okay. We're opening up the furnace," it's like, "Whatever. Let's just burn the house down. It doesn't matter." But the rest of the time, you're very concerned about maintaining everything to be healthy and good.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: So do you feel bad that you get angry?

Megan: I do. I do.

Jessica: Oh. Why?

Megan: And I know I shouldn't, but I always think back. It's that always, "What could I have done better? Oh, I could have expressed myself better." And it almost feels like a failure, like I didn't communicate properly, and I've gotten to this point, and now I'm mad. And it could have gone a different way had I done better.

Jessica: Interesting. Interesting.

Megan: Yeah. Yeah. That's how I feel about it.

Jessica: And does he ever get mad?

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: And do you think there's something wrong with him getting mad?

Megan: I think he gets mad about a lot of stuff that he really just shouldn't be mad at. I mean, you're in traffic. You're in traffic. Just be in traffic.

Jessica: Right. Right. Just let it go. What are you going to do? There's nothing you can do. But do you think when he's mad at you that it's a failure on his part to communicate effectively, or is that just what you think⁠—

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: You do think that?

Megan: I do think that, too.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. So this is your overall feeling about anger.

Megan: Okay.

Jessica: Interesting. Interesting.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. We're unpacking this. We're going to unpack this. Mars conjunction Mercury in Leo⁠—you get irritated, and irritated sometimes becomes mad. And I don't have a negative association with anger at all. If you've listened to the podcast, you probably know that. I am a big fan of anger because it is a human emotion. Now, being abusive, being a massive dick⁠—not a fan. But there's a way to be angry which is simply like expressing and sharing an emotion. I don't know that one can be in a healthy relationship and never get mad at that person, because it's a part of human emotions. And I don't know you can have a child and not get furious with your child multiple times, like maybe daily. Children are people, and they're annoying little people. They're cute so that we keep on taking care of them, but they can be quite annoying, right?

Megan: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: And so this issue of figuring out how to be mad in a way that you're not punishing yourself for having that emotion but also that is consistent with your values, consistent with what you believe to be right, is really important. Now, I will say you have this Mars/Mercury conjunction in Leo intercept in your sixth house. And so what this tells me is that you had a parent⁠—were you raised with your parents or guardians?

Megan: My mother and her family.

Jessica: Okay. So it's parents and guardians.

Megan: Yeah. Parents and guardians.

Jessica: So at least one of those people had a relationship to the way they expressed anger that modeled for you that it was not a good thing to do.

Megan: Oh yeah. Definitely my mom. Yeah. When something pushed her over the edge, she would have her angry moment, and then she would almost be almost ashamed or upset that she got angry.

Jessica: I see. I see. So you're just following her model in that way.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. Interceptions work that way. One way or another, we are shown that our very natural human emotions are not to be expressed. The wisest thing to do is to sit down with your man and say, "Let's talk about how we communicate. I know I do x, y, and z. What does and doesn't work for you about it?" And just listen to him, and don't give him feedback even if you're like, "That's ridiculous." Just listen to him, and then flip it. Ask him. And then you set up a second conversation. Does he fuck with astrology at all?

Megan: A little bit. He is very proud that he's an Aries.

Jessica: Oh no.

Megan: Very proud. Oh yes he is.

Jessica: A proud Aries man. That is not⁠—

Megan: Very proud. Oh yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. All right.

Megan: I picked one.

Jessica: Okay. You did pick one. You absolutely picked one. So⁠—okay, because I was just like, could you tell him that your astrologer gave you this very specific advice?

Megan: I could. I could.

Jessica: Okay. So he would listen to this. So, then, the second conversation to have after you have both learned how the other one hears you better is you're going to talk about that thing I referred to before: shared responsibility. How are you going to manage housework? How are you going to communicate about the things that you tend to not do well as a team? Come up with an action plan, and it doesn't need to be a perfect plan. Is he a visual processor? Am I seeing that right?

Megan: Yeah. He is.

Jessica: Yeah. I think that if you can speak with visual metaphors, that is easier for him to understand. So, if you're explaining to him, for instance, why you need more intimacy before you get intimate, not just explaining it verbally but giving him visual metaphors will help him because, kind of coming back to your larger question that you're asking about, "Is being a parent my purpose?" I think it's everybody's purpose who is a parent because you're parenting, because it's really a big deal.

But I also think that a huge part of your purpose is to not only dedicate yourself to a task but to dedicate yourself to a task without abandoning the things that you value. And so that means if you give 100 percent of yourself at work, then you have 0 percent left when you're home. You're just collapsing on the couch. And we're living through a pandemic, so I'm sure there's been times where that's just an inevitability.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: But that's not the baseline. This is an extreme scenario, right? The baseline needs to be that you save energy so that you can be a whole person. And that will actually help you be a better doctor.

Megan: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: And the same thing is true with parenting. Your chart screams that you need an equal copartner, like coparent and partner. You need that. And if he is not equal in the way that he actually lives with you, I imagine you'll find him profoundly annoying, which doesn't mean you can't be a successful couple. But you don't like being annoyed is the problem. You are going through a really important transit⁠—a couple really important transits. One of them is called Pluto opposite Venus, and that one started for you in February of 2020. Nothing much was happening, I'm sure, in your life at that time as a doctor.

Megan: Well…

Jessica: Total sarcasm.

Megan: Now that you mention…

Jessica: And it'll be over December 9th of this year. So it's almost over. And have you been with this guy for longer than this period?

Megan: Eight years.

Jessica: Shit. Congratulations. That's a long time.

Megan: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Good. You're going to have to work on this irritability thing. You're going to have to figure out how to let yourself be mad and annoyed because I don't know that there's a person out there that's not going to annoy you, and not because you're so irritable or people are so terrible, but because everyone on the planet is annoying. You're annoying. I'm annoying. We're all annoying. That is just a normal, healthy emotion. It's being able to stay with the emotion instead of act on the emotion so that you can understand what the emotion is about. Is the emotion about, "I'm irritated by his face because I need to be alone, or am I irritated by his face because he's been ignoring me for the last hour or because I asked him to do something and he's forgetting to do it?" Or whatever. It's important to be able to understand our emotions. And so that's going to be your problem with him. You know?

Megan: Well, my therapist⁠—we're going to⁠—this is on the to-do list.

Jessica: Okay. Good. That makes me so happy.

Megan: By the way, she was so excited to hear that I was going to do this. So she's going to listen [crosstalk].

Jessica: Excellent. Oh, that makes me so happy your therapist is into it.

Megan: Yeah. Oh, completely. Completely.

Jessica: That's great. Well, I'm glad that we all three agree that this needs to be on the table. But I will say the Pluto opposite to Venus that will be over December 9⁠th—it brings up major stuff, but one of the major things it brings up is struggle around your sense of values and purpose. So what you've been going through is right on time, and it's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. You're never going to go through it again. I think part of⁠—and I'm sure this is just one part. I think this has had to do with your relationship with this man, but I think one part of what has happened with the Pluto transiting through your eleventh house is the need for you to show up at work has been what it's been. I'm sure it's been quite dramatic at times in this period.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: And having such a high value in the world, being able to do such important work, and seeing that it doesn't fill that need for you has probably been pretty fucking rough, to be honest. And so I want to just validate that. I want to say it's over December 9th. And in the meantime, the best way to make use of this transit is to have difficult conversations with the person that you love because you need him to understand what love means to you, like what are the actions of love, and you need to understand more of what the actions of love are for him. I don't think you have a poor understanding of that, but we have to approach these conversations in an equal way; otherwise, they don't work. Okay. So that's one thing that's happening.

Megan: Okay. Okay.

Jessica: You're going through a Saturn square to Mars and a Uranus square to Mars. Guess what Mars governs in astrology.

Megan: Work?

Jessica: Anger. Irritation.

Megan: Of course. Of course.

Jessica: The Saturn square to Mars was happening February through late March of 2022, and then it came back on August 27th, and you're in it until December 16th of this year. Now, the Uranus square Mars, that one began July 8th, and you were in it until October 12th, so very, very recently. It's going to come back April 24th through June 16th. It's going to be over April of 2024. Uranus square Mars is a big deal. That one is a once-in-a-lifetime. Saturn square Mars⁠—also a big deal, but it is not once in a lifetime. Happens a couple times in a lifetime.

So here's the thing. Saturn square Mars brings about frustrating situations where you feel blocked, where it feels like you're just trying to fucking move things forward, you're just trying to get ahead, and nothing comes to fruition. And so this particular transit will often be quite a frustrating time. And I'm assuming⁠—wait. Did you conceive in⁠—you conceived recently, right?

Megan: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: So you conceived during this period.

Megan: I did.

Jessica: You weren't trying?

Megan: I mean, I would kind of tell him, "Okay. Well, you know, if you don't pull out, it probably will go down this week. So, if you don't, this is the possibility."

Jessica: And so you were both like, "Cool. Let's have a baby," or, "Cool. Let's roll the dice"?

Megan: "Cool. Let's roll the dice."

Jessica: You damn weirdos. I love it. So weird. I'm a Capricorn, and I'm just like, "That's not a plan. What are you saying? Does not compute." But I respect you. I respect you've got a Moon in Sadge. I respect it. Okay. So I will tell you you must be fertile, because Saturn square Mars is actually not a great time for conceiving. It's not like because it's a bad time; it's just more of a difficult time, usually, for conceiving. So you were like, "It's going down." Yeah. It went down. It went down. It went all the way down.

So this transit, I just want to say, is likely confronting you with things you have to do that don't necessarily feel very rewarding to do. So, when you originally wrote that question, you were going through all these transits that are triggering so much. Now we found out you're pregnant, so there's a whole other thing to focus on. But these transits are still happening, and so I wanted to just acknowledge them. And again, if you have any questions, let me know.

But I also want to say the way you were feeling is a very valid. It's very valid. And if being a mom gives you a greater sense of purpose, that's wonderful. And maybe then there's not much more to say about these transits. But if being a mom or a mom-to-be gives you a sense of purpose, and also, you're still feeling these feelings, that's okay. It doesn't mean that it's a mistake to have a child. It simply means you're going through a challenging time, and this challenging time is specifically challenging Mars, which is a planet you have a hard time embodying. And so it's triggering something in you that you have a hard time dealing with when everything is easy. So, when things are complicated and hard, it's going to be harder. Now, Uranus square Mars kicks up change, like big, side-swiping change. Hello.

 Megan: Side-swiping change. Okay.

Jessica: Yeah. I mean, it's like it wasn't like you were planning on having a kid, but oh my God, you're having a kid. Right?

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: And this happened in the first transition. And I'm going to guess that there was other things changing either at work or in the relationship already.

Megan: Mm-hmm. Everything.

Jessica: Everything. Everything's changing.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: And Mars in astrology is your sexuality. It's what you do. It's your ambitions, your ego, your goals. It's also anger and irritability. And so Uranus is the nervous system. When Uranus and Mars are square, people get very annoyed very quickly and easily. So you may be annoyed at work in ways that are not normal for you. You may be annoyed at home in ways that are not typical for you. And the reason why this occurs is because this transit makes us want to be free. It makes us want to have greater autonomy and be more authentic. And so, when you're making compromises and you're like, "This is bullshit. Why am I doing this?" you cannot, under this transit, effectively suppress that energy, whereas typically, apparently, you're very good at that⁠—suppressing the energy.

So this is a very important thing for you to be aware of. The other thing is it's not surprising that you're going through this transit when you're having your first child and it's kind of a surprise child. It's kind of a roll-the-dice child. So it's kind of like your whole entire life is going to change, and that is as this transit is. There's no other way that this transit can be. So, in that way, it is written, which is kind of nice. You're also going through a Neptune trine to Venus. This one started April 2022, and it will be over in March on March 7th of 2024. Now, this transit is lovely. It is a transit that literally can kick up your capacity for love and empathy, and it's a really great transit to be going through when you have a kid.

It also can bring about ease with your hormonal system. So, in that way, it's quite nice. When I looked at your chart, you've got Cancer on the fifth-house cusp, and you've got your Moon/Uranus. Huh. Interesting. Does your ovulation tend to be a little bit all over the place, not super consistent?

Megan: Yes.

Jessica: Yeah. That's what it looks like.

Megan: That's how we think that it happened.

Jessica: It, like…

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: I mean, you're a doctor. You know you weren't trying to not get pregnant, but also, I hear what you're saying. You're fertile, but you've always been very fertile. But your ovulation is a little erratic and hard to predict. Sometimes it's really consistent, and sometimes it's all over the place. I imagine the same is true about cramping for you, but with symptoms around your menstrual cycle. It looks like you can be a bit of a bleeder, and there can be a lot of cramping. And then sometimes you're fine.

Megan: I actually self-diagnosed myself with PMDD.

Jessica: I'm sorry. I mean, not that you self-diagnosed, but I'm sorry that you have it. And I'm inclined to agree with you, from your chart.

Megan: Yeah. It's rough. Yeah.

Jessica: It looks real rough. And I mean, I know you're an allopathic doctor, but herbs would do you right, absolutely. If you ever get acupuncture⁠—and I imagine all that stuff is going to help with your pregnancy because, really, what we're talking about is your body's hormonal nature. And it's kind of like, "Wow. Fireworks." Your system is not chill when it comes to hormones. That said, this Neptune trine to Venus I'm telling you about gives you a lot more chill. It really is a wonderful indicator for your experience of your hormonal health through this pregnancy. So⁠—knocked on wood, just because I'm not a doctor. I'm a woo, so I knock on wood.

[crosstalk]

Megan: ⁠—going to be like, "Jessica, I'm having night sweats. What do you mean?"

Jessica: Also, I feel like if anyone's going to have night sweats, yeah, it's you. You run hot.

Megan: I do.

Jessica: You run real hot. Yeah. I mean, again, you're a doctor, so I'm assuming that means you know how to advocate for yourself with other doctors. Do you?

Megan: Here's the thing. I have not had⁠—and I think this is because I'm an African American female seeing my mom and grandmother have their experiences with the medical field. I don't do well with other doctors. I'm actually looking for a midwife right now.

Jessica: Yeah. Good for you.

Megan: But I know that there's great doctors out there, but I've seen a whole lot of doctors that aren't great. And so it scares me.

Jessica: That's fair. I would say if you can find a good midwife who can refer you to a good doctor, that might be your way to find someone.

Megan: Okay.

Jessica: Okay. That brings us to the transit I didn't want to tell you about before. I mean, I always wouldn't want to tell you about it, but I was like, "I'm not going to start with this one," even though it's the first one I wrote down. This is the Saturn square to Saturn. So the Saturn square to Saturn is really important. It's related to the Saturn Return cycle. When it comes to the Saturn Return, which happens at around 29 years old⁠—right? Every seven years, we go through another challenge between Saturn and itself, transiting Saturn and Saturn in your birth chart. And it brings up the themes of that cycle.

So, on some meaningful level, what you're going through now is directly linked to what you were going through at around 28, 29 years old. And we'll get there in just a moment. But this transit started March 22nd of 2022, and it was active until April 26th of 2022. So I'm guessing this fucking spring was something⁠—something going on this spring. Is that right?

Megan: I advocated for myself at work, and I said, "I need a better work situation, or I gotta go and do it all differently." And it worked.

Jessica: Congratulations.

Megan: I have a great, understanding boss who was like, "We value you, and we're going to make this work."

Jessica: Good.

Megan: So that was a big deal for me.

Jessica: Massive. It's massive. It came back July 16th through August 26th of this year, 2022. And you'll have one more hit, and that final hit's coming December 17th of 2022 through January 15th of '23. You got one more month. So Saturn square Saturn is⁠—it's a really important transit because what's happening now is you are old enough to have a different level of understanding of what happened during your Saturn Return, a truly mature adult integrated understanding of that period. And a lot of people feel really blocked and fucked up at this age and through this transit, and a lot of people feel really a sense of, "Oh. Okay. Yeah. This is hard, but this is what I need to do. This is just who I am and what I need to do." And most people feel both, to be honest. It depends on the hour.

This is also related to how you advocate for yourself at work but also how you advocate for yourself privately, personally, understanding that you have not only very real things that you're dealing with but also power, and a power that you didn't have before because you've grown up and into yourself. And of course, in your birth chart, just because there's a solid theme happening today, Saturn square to Mars⁠—that's your birth chart aspect from Saturn. Saturn doesn't do a lot in your chart, but it squares your Mars quite aggressively. And so there's this part of you that fears, "If I come on too strong, if I ask for what I want, there will be consequences and I will suffer. And it's worse for me to ask for what I need or what I want and not get it or I'm punished for it than for me to just take what I can get and wait for this to pass," kind of thing. Does that make sense?

Megan: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: And so, first of all, congratulations that you advocated for yourself and you got what you needed. It's really important⁠—it's not just like "Yay you" in this situation, but developmentally, in the context of your Saturn cycles, it's a huge deal. Also, it's not over. So this is a part of your pregnancy, right? So be your best advocate. That's going to be the work. If you start developing a relationship with a physician or any kind of medical person and you don't feel like they're giving you the respect and care that you as a physician know can be given and you as a human person know you deserve, fire them. Emphatically fire them. It's part of the transit. It's like owning your space and also asserting yourself without guilt. So, easier said than done, but that's the work. And you don't have to do this alone. Your partner can help you. Do you trust him to help you around stuff like this?

Megan: No, but I⁠—yes and no, because when you say fire emphatically, he would be, "Yes." I would have to pull him out of the exam room. But because he can come on that strong, I don't trust him.

Jessica: Okay. So this is my advice about that. Bring him with you to all the appointments. He better fucking come with you to all the appointments. That's a starting point, right? Even if you don't want him to be in the room with you, he can sit in the waiting room. He should come with you to all the appointments. And say to him, "I need you to understand that you are my customer service representative. If you represent me in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable, then I'm not going to get the care that I want, and that's not going to work for me. I need you to⁠—if it's time to fire someone, you're off the leash. Do your thing. But until then, I need you to ask questions. Hold my hand. Let the doctor know how loved I am. And remember what they say, because I might not because I'm emotional. I need you to not be aggressive. I need you to smile and make them comfortable," or whatever it is that you need. Am I seeing it correctly, that you just want them to feel comfortable so that you get better care?

Megan: Yeah. Yeah. I don't like that either.

Jessica: I mean, nobody likes it. Nobody likes it. But here we are. I mean, listen. You've got Venus in Cancer, and it's⁠—the only other thing that Saturn does is it trines your Venus. Squares your Mars, trines your Venus. And so that Saturn in Scorpio trine to Venus in Cancer tells me that you're strategic. You understand you're going to get more⁠—what is that⁠—flies with honey than vinegar. You understand you're going to go in there and get your needs met if you are easier to work with. I mean, that's why I said all that, because the trine just tells me that's your perspective.

There's nothing to feel bad about. I mean, listen. You do need to have a good relationship with this person. What you don't need to do is make yourself small in order to get it. But you also don't need your partner to come in guns a-blazing, because that's not going to work either. He needs to earn your trust here because part of why I asked if you trusted him is because I want to know if you trusted him, if he is a jerk, whatever⁠—but also because you don't trust anyone with this stuff. So I already knew the answer was no, in part, because you don't trust anyone with this stuff. And if he's going to be your coparent and your life partner⁠—theoretically, hopefully, right?

Megan: Right.

Jessica: Then you need to give him a chance to be trustworthy, which is scary for you. And he will probably mess this up sometimes. I think that's okay. It's not ideal, but he gets to be imperfect as long as he's listening to you and trying.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: And hold on. Yeah. He can be real⁠—I guess he's an Aries, right? He can be really sloppy. He can come in with the real clear intention of what he's going to do, and then he just does what he wants, which is just not a Virgo's dream. And yes, you have a Sun in Virgo, so this is not your dream come true. You have Sun in Virgo, Moon in Sadge, Pisces Rising. You're mutable. You're flexible. You're adaptable. And he's not so much. And so it's part of why you get on well, and it's part of why it doesn't work sometimes. It's both.

So okay. Okay. Hold on. I'm hearing that we should try to check in with your mom. Is that okay to do now?

Megan: Yeah. I'm hesitating a little bit because I'm so nervous because she passed away in 2012, just when I became a real doctor⁠—

Jessica: Oh. Wow.

Megan: ⁠—done with medical school. She passed away on my birthday.

Jessica: Oh, honey.

Megan: Yeah. It's a lot. A lot came from that moment, and it just⁠—I mean, that was my first best friend, my person. So it just shaped me in so many different ways, the way she passed, when she passed. But it has made me a very good advocate for my patients. I've been able to share with them because of that situation. So she gave me that gift, in a way.

Jessica: Yeah. And where were you at in your Saturn cycle? How old were you in that year?

Megan: I think I lost a year when that happened. I think I was 28.

Jessica: Oh. So it was your Saturn Return. Okay. And is your grandmother also in spirit?

Megan: She is.

Jessica: Mm-hmm. Your family actually really got along with each other, eh?

Megan: I call them my girl group⁠, my mom, her sister⁠—her oldest sister⁠—and my grandmother. Yeah.

Jessica: It looks like you're just really good friends.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: Is your aunt still alive?

Megan: No. She passed away as well.

Jessica: Okay. Then I'm seeing the right woman. Okay. Bear with me. So it's your grandma who comes through first, and she laughs⁠—I'm making sure it's her. She laughs big and loud, and she is somebody who has access to joy. Is that her?

Megan: Yeah. That's her. She's got a little tinkle at the end of her laugh.

Jessica: Yeah. She's, I mean, just full of light. Okay. She's so warm. She's so gregarious and also doesn't completely trust outside people, eh?

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. So her attitude⁠—so she came in strong, and then she was like, "I don't know about you," which I respect. I like when people are suspicious of me in this way. I just think it's very charming.

Megan: Well, she grew up in that time in the South, and⁠—you know.

Jessica: Yeah. Absolutely. That is fair. That is fair. She doesn't feel that there are things left unsaid. She's just come in⁠—she came in instantly with this⁠—I don't know how to put this other than, you know⁠—what are those flowers called and you blow them and you make a wish? Little dandelions.

Megan: Yeah. Dandelions.

Jessica: Yeah. Not when they're yellow flowers, but when they're all like these magical, sunlit puffs⁠—her energy looks like that to me, just like this bright, warm⁠—I'm not doing a good job of describing this because I've never seen energy quite like this before. Your grandmother is a force, and she loves you, loves you, loves you in such an intense way. And were you with her when she passed?

Megan: I was not. I was not. She had dementia, and she was in her home. And I was not with her when it actually happened.

Jessica: She says you were with her. So what I'm understanding is that you were maybe not with her in the moment of her passing, but you were with her throughout her dementia. Is that correct?

Megan: Yeah, especially the beginning of it. Yes.

Jessica: Mm-hmm. She doesn't have any regrets about the way she died. She feels she lived a good life and that her life was hers. This is very important. I don't know how you feel about her death, but she was just like⁠—that's good. You were with her. She felt you with her. But your mother's death was much more complex.

Megan: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: So my chest is tightening up. I can't tell if this is my lungs or my heart, or was it both?

Megan: Yes. Heart.

Jessica: It's heart.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: Was that a heart attack?

Megan: Yeah. I do think so. I found her down, and I started CPR on her. And I just remember the emergency room doctor telling me that⁠—her EKG reading and how he couldn't get a line on her. And so she had heart trouble. That's what I thought her death was from, that she had a heart attack from strain after dialysis, actually.

Jessica: Oh. I'm so sorry. But they couldn't confirm, is what you're kind of saying?

Megan: Honestly, I don't even think I even looked for a diagnosis on her death certificate. I think that I just knew that's what it was.

Jessica: Yeah. You're right. It feels different than I've experienced with heart attacks before, and it might be because she was dealing with the dialysis, so something wasn't right-feeling.

Megan: I think that I do recall that after I had done chest compressions on her, I had this burning stinging. And I think that she was having chest pain, and she actually put Icy Hot or Bengay⁠—you know what I mean⁠?—on her chest.

Jessica: Yeah. That makes sense to me because it does not feel like⁠—often, when people die from heart attacks, it's such a distinct feeling. This feels like⁠—I can see why she would put Icy Hot on it, which is not what you would do if you think you're having a heart event because that obviously wouldn't help. But it feels almost pulmonary, almost pulmonary, like a shortness of breath was associated with it, which, again, I think a lot of people don't associate with heart stuff. I do think it was her heart. But your mother has so much grief that you found her.

Megan: I know. Yeah.

Jessica: I'm sorry.

Megan: I knew she would.

Jessica: Yeah. I'm so sorry. It's like the last thing she would want. And sorry. Your mom⁠—she's a little bit making fun of this man that you're partnered with, in a loving way. Sorry. That's why I was like⁠—I started laughing, and I was like, "I need to tell you why I'm laughing, but I don't want it to seem like"⁠—one minute we're talking about something very intense, and then she's kind of like⁠—you know.

Megan: She's very opinionated.

Jessica: Yes. She is opinionated, and you know why she would tease about this man or make fun of this man.

Megan: Actually, I'm not completely sure except that he annoys me so much.

Jessica: He annoys you because he does, and it's exactly what would annoy her. The things that annoy you would annoy her. She⁠—after your dad, she just didn't try with men, eh?

Megan: It didn't seem like it.

Jessica: No. She was just like, "It's not worth it."

Megan: Seemed like she was above it.

Jessica: Yeah. It's not worth it. And so she looks at this man, and she's like, "Is this worth it? What's he doing? What's he bringing to the table?" And I don't think that's what she's wanting me to say to you, but that's kind of her first feedback after she's talking about how terrible she feels that you were there. But she is thrilled about⁠—all three of these women⁠—I mean, you have a lot of dead, but all three of these women are very clear that they will be there for the birth.

Megan: Okay.

Jessica: There's no ambiguity there. I mean, there's no ambiguity there. I don't know if you can tell, but you have all of this support with you all of the time, like all of the time. It's harder to tolerate it when you don't have time alone, though, because it's like this very personal, private thing is very hard to share with other people. Your mother's pride in you is⁠—I mean, oh my God. Proud of you is not⁠—it does not do justice to how she feels about you. Was she like this when she was alive as well?

Megan: She didn't tell me, but I knew because I kind of set out to do what she want me to do, even though she didn't tell me that exactly.

Jessica: Interesting. She's not just proud of what you do, like that you're a doctor. You're a good doctor.

Megan: Okay.

Jessica: She's like, "You're a good doctor. You're not just a doctor; you're a good doctor." She's not just proud of what you do. She is proud of what you do, but she is proud of who you are, like how you are with people. I mean, you don't always take as good care of yourself as you should, but you really⁠—she's so proud of how you live. She's so proud of how you live. You were the center of her world. You knew that, right?

Megan: I knew that. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Yeah. It's really interesting. All three of them came through so strong, and all three of them are like⁠—they're very ambiguous about their desire to talk to me. They're not ambiguous about their desire to talk to you, but they don't want me to therapize them. They don't want me to analyze them⁠—and I will. It's true. I will for sure. So your mom is doing what her mom did, which is kind of a little pull back. So let me ask you this. Do you have anything you would want to know or any questions?

Megan: I'm glad to hear that my mom is proud of me and that she understands how I found her was traumatic. I think that I've always wanted to know since then⁠—is that she's okay, that she's happy, that she sees what I'm doing that's good. I think that was the biggest question.

Jessica: Yeah. She's not leaving. She's not leaving while you're here. I mean, it's really intense that we're having this conversation just after you found out you're pregnant, because for her, you were⁠—again, saying that you were important to her is a profound understatement. You did give her a sense of purpose. You did give her a sense of meaning in life, not just because you were her child but because of who you were. Yeah. She's not going anywhere for as long as you're here. And is she happy? Happy is such a weird word. I don't know if she's happy.

Megan: I mean content. [crosstalk]

Jessica: She is healthy and well and whole. Yes. Your mom and happy⁠—I'm not 100 percent that that's the best descriptor. Does that make sense to you?

Megan: Yeah. Yeah. She dealt with depression.

Jessica: She's not depressed. She has no depression anymore, none.

Megan: Okay.

Jessica: But she has a heaviness that is her nature. There's a contemplativeness, a seriousness. And it's not unhappy, but I wouldn't be like, "Oh yeah. She's happy." I know people want to hear that, but it's not exactly genuine to who she is. But she's not suffering. She has no illness. It's like⁠—okay. This is the thing. She doesn't want me to therapize her, but I am incapable of not therapizing if someone shows me what's really happening. And so she's like, "Just tell her I'm happy. It's fine." And I'm like, "But you're not showing me that that's exactly how you're feeling."

So it's like she and I are kind of having a⁠—not a struggle, but she wants you to be comfortable, and she wants you to feel good and to feel at ease. She has⁠—okay. I'm going to put it in my words. But the burden of her death, of how it happened and how it happened to you⁠—not how she died for herself, because it wasn't that bad. She was very uncomfortable, and then I think right after that, she had a heart attack, and she wasn't really aware of what was happening after that. It wasn't like she was suffering for hours or something like that. It does not look like that to me.

Megan: Okay.

Jessica: But how it was for you⁠—I mean, it is a burden for both of you. It is a pain for both of you, and she regrets it. Obviously, she didn't do it on purpose, but she really regrets it. But it is the only regret she's showing me that she has⁠. Not that she doesn't have regrets about things she did⁠; she actually threw that in there. She has regrets about things she did. She did some things. But they're not like real regrets, not like this. Not like this. This is like a whole other thing. But your mom wants you to have more faith that you feel her presence and that you feel her love. Was she religious?

Megan: I think more than she let people know.

Jessica: I'm seeing that. It's not a conventional form of religiosity. It's more like the spiritual side of religion than the moralistic side of religion because the way she is talking about this is like she's like, "You know you feel the light of love inside of you," and that's her love for you. And⁠—Oh. You have depression, too?

Megan: I do. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. She said that your depression makes you get so in your head that you turn your back on this light, and you stop feeling it or you don't trust it, and it makes it hard for you to feel her love and her presence. And so what I'm saying⁠—not what your mom's saying, but she's not disagreeing with me; it's just not how she would say it⁠—is I would encourage you⁠—you ever do any kind of meditation stuff?

Megan: All the time, but always with the intent to just ground and center myself. Nothing beyond that, really.

Jessica: I'm going to give you a different one. This one is⁠—and maybe do your ground to center, however many minutes, and then sit and visualize the sun, just staring at the sun but not in a way that would hurt your eyes. So it's visualizing. And open up your chest to the sun and receive the light. And I'm saying the sun because the way she's showing me this light and this glory, it's kind of like how I described⁠—I did a poor job of describing your grandmother energetically, like that beautiful dandelion in the sun. It's that same white, bright, circular light⁠—just to receive it. Don't go to it. Don't understand it. It's just practice sitting with receiving it because she says that the depression runs in your family a little bit, on her side of the family. She has it. I think somebody else in the family had it. Is it your grandma? I mean, I don't know that your grandmother identifies with the concept of depression, but I think she had her⁠—

Megan: No, she wouldn't.

Jessica: Yeah. But I think she also⁠—were she a millennial, she might say that she was depressed. You know what I mean? So this is a practice of receiving not only⁠—essentially, God's light is what your mom is talking about. But it's not like she's saying she's God at all, but what she's saying is when you receive God's light, it's easy to feel the light of love coming from her. And so this is a practice for filling yourself up with her love, and⁠—oh. She is so relieved that we talked about this, actually. Oh. I understand what's happening now. And this is cultural, for sure, but it's also her personality and my personality. But she just feels like it would be nice if I would not be so aggressive about things, if I would not come so hard on things. Just she wants me to come at things a little more gentle. And does this make sense?

Megan: I think she's very in control of her image, what she wanted to present to people. And she likes⁠—she probably sugarcoated some things. Yeah.

Jessica: I mean, again, it's this thing you and I were talking about earlier about how you have those intercepted planets and how she was uncomfortable expressing agitation, irritation, aggression too much unless it was on her terms in her moment. Yeah. And I'm the embodiment of somebody who is constantly expressing their agitation, irritation, and I am too much. I am like⁠—that is a real thing. So it's very interesting because I'm experiencing how she's so much herself, and yet she does not want to put that forward, and she finds it annoying that I want to put that forward. So she's annoyed by me, and it's okay. She can be annoyed by me.

She believes that you can feel her love and feel her presence without me, without anyone. But, that said, if you have questions for her, let me know and I'll see what I can give you. And you might not, but if you do…

Megan: Is she with my aunt? Are they together?

Jessica: So your aunt, the third woman that I'm seeing⁠—yeah. The three of them are together. The three of them are completely together.

Megan: Okay.

Jessica: Did you have a question for your aunt?

Megan: I don't know if I can communicate this to her through you, but I mean, she kept me going after my mom went away, and she has continued to keep me going because she has given me my uncle. So I need her to know that⁠—

Jessica: She does.

Megan: Yeah. Okay.

Jessica: So the thing you need to know is that they hear you all the time. You talk to them.

Megan: Oh. Okay.

Jessica: All the time. And we don't need anyone to help us communicate with the dead. We just often need somebody to help us hear them. But I mean, you talk to her, like, every day. So she's with you⁠—all three of them. You don't talk to your grandmother every day. You have periods where you do with your mom. I think your aunt is, in some ways, easier of a loss, not that you loved her less. It's just something about it.

Megan: I think it was more expected, and I had lost my mom, and so I think I could handle it. And I had my uncle there to help me, too. So it's just a lot more support all around.

Jessica: Yeah. And your aunt was ready to pass. She was ready to go is what she's showing me.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: It's not like she wanted to die, but she was okay with it. And there's something that is easier about that across the board. But your aunt⁠—she feels like a structural parent to you instead of an aunt.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: And she goes with you to your hard meetings. She's with you in those moments that you would call her. All three of these women are with you all the time. I mean, not inappropriate times, but all the time. They don't want to be around you when you don't want them there; don't worry. But the way that the women of your family love is just all in, like all in. It is at 100 percent. And for me, it's really cool because I don't often see families that have this much love, and you get along with each other. You don't just love each other; you liked each other.

Megan: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: You really, really did. It's such a gift. And so, yes, she's very much with you. Your grandmother is also very much with you, but in a way that was more like she was, like big and everywhere kind of thing instead of as localized. Your mother, I mean⁠—hold on. Do you get help for your depression?

Megan: I have a therapist. We have been together for six years, and her practice is changing, so our relationship will end. Our therapeutic relationship will end in January.

Jessica: Oh. I'm sorry. But again, it's these transits. It's your Saturn⁠—

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: So remember that Saturn square to Saturn that directly linked to when you were 28, so that heavy year when you lost your mom⁠—that Saturn square to Saturn kicks back in December/January. So, again, it's part of this larger piece. So I do encourage you to try to put someone else in place before the end so you have her to talk to about the new therapist and what you do and don't like about them. Potentially, I think that might be a good way to support yourself through this ending because I imagine it'll be triggering for you.

Megan: Okay. Yeah.

Jessica: Your mom⁠—she's not worried about your depression like, "Oh my God. I'm worried about your depression," kind of thing. But she's acknowledging it, and it's kind of like an existential loneliness is what it looks like.

Megan: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: She just wishes she could fill that up for you.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: Your mother loves you. You said you guys were best friends. I think you said you were everything to each other, right?

Megan: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: And yeah. I see it. That is not an over-characterization of the situation. I mean, it's really powerful, this love. And as someone who's going to be a mom, that's kind of exciting to have that kind of love in your life. And I understand more now why you would be so wild as to be like, "Let's roll the dice and see what happens," because you had such a great experience of a mom.

Megan: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: She was so in love with you all the time. I know that she wasn't mushy-gushy, and it wasn't perfecty-perfect all the time. That's not what I'm suggesting. But the love was there.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: You don't pray?

Megan: That must be my grandmother asking. In a way, I do. It's almost like a meditation.

Jessica: Yeah.

Megan: Yeah. But like how my grandmother⁠—no.

Jessica: No. Yeah. No. Of course. Yes. So I think that if you're going through a period⁠—and this is coming from your mom, okay? If you're going through a period where you're feeling bereft, where you're feeling sad or lonely or depressive, taking a more traditional, "I'm going to take a moment to pray," to talk to your grandmother will be your easy access. So you don't have to do something that's out of alignment with you, but that's just an easy way to know you're talking to her and she's hearing it. With your aunt, honestly, she's the easiest of the three of them. So it's like you just talk to her. Bada-bing, bada-boom. You're there. With your mom, it's that opening up and receiving her because she's always there for you, and she just wants you to be filled up with her love.

These are three different ways, and they're all very subtle differences, but three different ways you can receive their presence, which is always there even when you're not feeling it in your times of need or duress. And your mother just wants you to have that, to have a thing you can do that makes you feel connected, because she feels like you've always been this kid that just gets in their head. You just get in your head, and you can turn yourself in circles and you forget what the question was kind of thing. It's really about letting things be a little less complicated and just being here. I think that's ultimately what it's about, and that will help.

Your mom just wants me to tell you that you're beautiful and that she's proud of you and she loves you. It's very sweet. Makes me emo. It's very sweet. Yeah.

Megan: Oh goodness.

Jessica: She doesn't disapprove of the man. She also wanted me to correct that. She has her thoughts.

Megan: [crosstalk] thinking.

Jessica: Yeah. Were you just thinking that?

Megan: I was just thinking⁠—I was like, "She just walked in. She's probably like, 'Okay.'"

Jessica: Okay, because she does not disapprove of him. She just sees what you see. She just sees what you see. She had no time for men. At a certain point, she was just like, "To what end?" And she wasn't lonely.

Megan: Okay.

Jessica: She was fine with it. She was fine with it. She had her family. Everyone was there. It's different. It's different. You're not the same people, and it's not the same situation. And it's not that she wasn't lonely in moments, but she wasn't a lonely person.

Megan: Sure. Okay.

Jessica: She wants you to ask for what you need and want more. And okay. Okay. So she's down for me to show this. So let's say you ask your partner to touch your hair or give you a foot rub or do whatever little thing as a way to be like, "This is how you preheat an oven." You know what I mean? "If you want to bake, this is how you preheat an oven." You know what I'm saying, right?

Megan: Give some examples. Okay.

Jessica: Okay. Yeah. Give him some examples, but not just that. Here's the move. When he doesn't do it⁠—because he won't, right? Because he won't. Then you come to him later that day, the next day, whatever it is, and say, "You said you would do a thing, and then you didn't do the thing. And that makes me not trust you. And we're stepping into a deeper level of partnership, and I just want you to be someone I can trust. And I just need you to be good to your word. So don't say you'll do it if you don't think you're going to do it. And if you say you're going to do it, make sure you do it."

Put it to him that way because he'll understand that. He will understand that. He does not understand that things are important to you. Your mother is showing me that. You say, "It's important to me that you do x," and he hears, "Do x." Sometimes you say to yourself, "It's important to me that he does x, so I'm going to be really chill about it, and I'm just going to be like, 'Hey, it would be cool if you do x.'" And so all he hears is it doesn't matter to you.

Being clear with him about how important acts of love make you feel loved⁠—like actual actions are important to you⁠—this is your moment for doing that because everything is changing. And so you might as well pin it all on the change, like, "Okay. We're going somewhere else. You need to know this about me now. I need to be more forthcoming with you now." I think that will help. Your mother thinks that will help. It'll help you know where you stand one way or another. She doesn't want you to treat a man like a baby. She and I agree completely on this one, by the way. She doesn't want you to have to take care of a man.

Megan: Yeah. No, that would never be anything that⁠—that's never anything that's been modeled to me, not even really by my grandmother.

Jessica: I was going to say not grandmother, not your aunt.

Megan: Oh, no.

Jessica: That's just not what is done by the women of your family. And she fears that sometimes you do that with him, and she wants you to pull that back. I'm with her on that. And she sees that he looks at you with real love and that you do have a really comfortable friendship and that when things get real, he is there for you, eh?

Megan: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. I think she feels very similarly about him as you do. He's amazing 60 percent of the time and not 40 percent of the time⁠—sometimes it's 70/30. Sometimes it's 50⁠—it's all over the map, and some of that is who he is, and some of that is him not really understanding how important things are to you, which is sometimes something you can fix and sometimes something that he just needs to get it together. Hold on. It's interesting. She showed me something about him. His thoughts are really loud. Does he talk loud?

Megan: Yes.

Jessica: Loud. He's loud. He doesn't even realize it.

Megan: He's loud.

Jessica: He doesn't even realize he's loud.

Megan: Oh, no. It's his regular voice.

Jessica: His thoughts are so loud, and he's thinking so many different streams of thought at once. And they're all loud, so he can hear them all. And then sometimes it's like he's shouting when he's just fucking talking. He's just talking, but it's so loud. He does have a quiet voice, but he doesn't use it often.

Megan: If ever.

Jessica: Yeah. And your mother just showed that to me because she says, "So you have to be loud with him so he hears you, because he doesn't hear you when you're not loud." And I would not have picked up on that. But I think she's right. I think you should experiment⁠—like the next time you're like, "Oh, what should we eat for dinner?" try to be really loud about what you want, so it's not a big deal; it's nothing serious. And see if he hears you better.

Megan: Like vocally loud?

Jessica: Vocally loud. Vocally loud.

Megan: Okay.

Jessica: Try it.

Megan: Okay.

Jessica: See if it works, because then you have more information about how his brain works. And you don't want to be like a family of screamers, necessarily. I mean, maybe you do. I don't have a problem with it myself, but that might not be your vibe. But at least then you know you can get his attention by being physically, verbally loud⁠—not screaming, but verbally loud. And then say, "Okay. Now, my regular talking voice is this, but pretend I'm still being loud." You get his attention. You keep his attention, because she's showing me it's not about him not listening to you; it's about him not hearing you a lot of the time.

Megan: I get that. Yeah. I get that.

Jessica: Yeah, which I would not have seen. So that's really cool that she's brought that in. Again, she's paying attention. She's not mad at him. She is critical of him. But I don't think there's anyone you could be with that she wouldn't be critical of. I don't think there's a man in the world.

Megan: Oh, no, no. That's expected. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah, which I, again, very much respect. Okay. We got there. Your mom and I got there. That's nice. We got there. We're co-team⁠—oh, because we're⁠—

Megan: She takes the little warming up.

Jessica: She does, but also, we're analyzing him. We're not analyzing her. I get it. I'm respectful⁠—she's annoyed that I pointed that out because we were finally having fun. I respect that. Okay. I really adore your mom⁠—and your aunt and your grandma, but I mean I feel like your mom is⁠—it's very important to her that as we enter this conversation, we end with me verbally affirming how much she loves you, how beautiful you are, and how proud she is of you. And those things are just so deep in her heart, so true to her heart. She just really loves you, and she doesn't want you to feel alone and without that love, because she loves you.

Megan: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. She was just like, "That is the thing that needs to be said again."

Megan: That I need to know from her. Okay.

Jessica: Very deeply. Very deeply.

Let me take a minute to tell you all about the podcast Ask Iliza Anything. Can't stand your coworker? Did a friend ruin your wedding? Do you just need someone to be real with you? Comedian Iliza Shlesinger wants to be the person who will give you the advice you actually need to live well, while making you laugh, of course. Every week on Ask Iliza Anything, people submit their burning questions on topics like how to deal with bad coworkers, bridesmaid drama, faking an accent, and so much more. From wise and heartfelt to rage-inducing, Iliza's answers are always entertaining. Iliza is so confident about her advice that you want to ask her questions weekly. So go ahead and ask Iliza anything. Let Iliza give you the advice that your friends won't. Listen to Ask Iliza Anything wherever you get your podcasts, and don't forget to hit Subscribe.

All right. Let's just take a moment here because we have gone through the first Eclipse, the Solar Eclipse in Scorpio, that had lots of intense Pluto squares. And now we have a small chunk of time before November 8th, when we have the second Eclipse, which will be a Lunar Eclipse, which is a.k.a. a Full Moon, in Taurus. So it will be a Lunar Eclipse in Taurus, and it will come with it a lot of intensity, a lot of busyness, similar but very different to the Solar Eclipse. And so I want to just take a moment to explain how astrology works in the context of these transits a bit.

We go through transits, and those transits articulate challenges, opportunities, struggles, breakthroughs, etc. What astrology allows us to do is to have kind of an objective understanding because astrology is an analytic tool. It's lots of math, and we have to do a lot of memorization, and we have to understand many different concepts in order to synthesize data. So it's definitely an analytic tool. And this tool of astrology helps us to understand what we're going through, why, and how long it'll last. It also helps us to understand what we've gone through in the past, and we can apply this to individuals like ourselves. We can apply this to our parents or our partners or to society, to nations or corporations, etc. Astrology is so helpful, and I don't want to shock anyone, but I love astrology. Yeah. I know it's a big shock.

But here's the thing. When we're dealing with Moon transits⁠—and Eclipses are always Moon transits⁠—Full Moons, New Moons⁠—you know, it's in the title. They're Moon transits. What we're really being challenged to do is to be in a state of emotionality because the Moon isn't Mercury. Mercury is the mind. It's analysis and figuring things out and collecting data. The Moon is about reflection. The Moon is bright and visible in darkness, and it is meant to help to light up the darkness, but it's also so much about shadow, stepping into our shadow, reflecting on our shadow. And I don't just mean shadow in the way that, so many times, we talk about our shadow issues as our deep, heavy, dark issues. I'm talking about the parts of ourselves that exist in private, the parts of ourselves that we rest with, not just that we lead with and that we show other people or we put on parade about ourselves⁠. The parts of ourselves that are private and reflective⁠—that's the Moon.

When we are going through Eclipse Season, let alone an Eclipse Season in the Scorpio/Taurus polarity, where in this first Eclipse we had Pluto very prominent⁠—and if you don't know what I'm talking about, then you probably didn't hear Episode 282, last week's episode. So you may want to listen to that. But what is happening is that we are being challenged. We are being challenged to sit with difficult emotions. We are being challenged to act in ways that reflect our integrity or our values, our sense of self, instead of our strongest emotions, our most base emotions. And that is very hard. When we go through Lunar transits like we're going through now, what will often happen is we will encounter emotions within ourselves that we have a hard time being with or we don't know what to do with. And it's scary, and it is hard to share with other people. And it's not always safe or appropriate or necessary to share with other people. It depends.

But as a society, we are not great at this. When we are going through collective transits like Eclipses, then we're kind of all triggered. We are all, as a collective, human animal triggered and emotional, which means that there's lots of opportunities to feel weird or bad or get into it with people because everyone's triggered in our own individual, private ways. And so I want to just acknowledge that many of you are probably holding on. You're probably holding on tight because you're scared of how you're feeling. You're scared of what might happen. Maybe you acted in ways during the Eclipse that you know better and you wish you hadn't, or maybe you just are having fucking complicated emotions. It was an Eclipse in Scorpio. It's messy.

But I want to say this. When it comes to the Moon, it's not about holding on. It's about letting go. Letting go is not about not caring. It's not not taking responsibility for your part. It's not apathy. It's about identifying that you do not need to control or contain yourself, situations, or other people⁠—letting go. The Moon governs the tides, right? It's all about ebb and flow. And so, whether you're in an ebb or a flow or a drought or a tsunami, it's not the time to hold on but instead to release and to practice being present with that release. This may mean any number of things for you, given your nature, your situation. But I do want to encourage you to practice feeling your feelings without trying to fix them or understand them and to allow them to be uncomfortable because we can be uncomfortable and still be on the right path. We can feel bad and still be in alignment.

I think that a lot of people have a way of associating, "I feel good, so it must be right. I feel bad, so it must be wrong." But emotions are just energy in motion. So, if we don't attach to feeling bad or feeling good but we just let ourselves feel what we feel, then we can learn from those feelings. Then we can move with those feelings. And I'm not suggesting that you or anyone else get this perfectly, because we're humans. That's not how it works. But it's about the journey. It's about understanding that when we are in challenging times, as we are as a collective and for many people as individuals⁠—when we are going through these deep, emotional transits like Eclipses bring, we gotta be in our feels. And part of what that's about is being present with things that we have been successfully distracting ourselves from, that we have been successfully trying to be rational about or pretending that we are being rational about when what we were really doing is stuffing our emotions.

We have so many ways of distracting or explaining away our felt experience. Sometimes that's the best you can do, and that's good, and sometimes not as much. And when we're in an Eclipse Season, your emotions do need to be dealt with. And as I always say, maybe this Eclipse isn't really hitting you that hard. It depends on a number of factors, primarily whether or not the Eclipses are directly hitting your birth chart. So let's say you're not the one who is really having a hard time; you're having a lovely time. Everything is kind of nice. You're in your feels, whatever. Things are going well. Chances are very high that there are people around you who are having struggle. And if that's not the case, if everyone around you is peachy keen⁠—you are just a unicorn sucking on lollipops; everything's good⁠—then I want to invite you to be a helper. I want to invite you to show up in the ways you can for people around you, the world at-large, because this is a time of great emotionality.

Eclipses are heavy enough, but Scorpio is so messy and emo. And Taurus loves security and stability and for things to not change. These are fixed signs. And so I just want to acknowledge all of this, and hopefully some of this has helped you to align or realign with your tools. There's a reason why we go through challenging times, a.k.a. from an astrological lens, challenging transits. We go through these so that we engage with the challenge, so that we are present and hopefully great. And growing sometimes means expanding, and sometimes it means contracting. It takes discretion. It takes presence, and often, it takes time. And if you are going through a challenging time this Eclipse Season, practice being in your feelings instead of only your thinking.

And if you find that you're overwhelmed by your feelings and being in your feelings is not the issue⁠—it's not drowning in your feelings⁠—then add grounding or centering into how you relate to your feelings. Grounding into your body, grounding into reality, like this moment right now, or centering your energies, centering yourself. And this is stuff I have posted content about on the podcast, so you can go to my website and use the search bar and see past episodes where I've focused on these things. You could also join me on Patreon, where I talk about that stuff a lot more in depth. And there's a million other resources in the world. It's easy to feel, when life is giving you curveball after curveball, like you're being punished or like something's wrong. I mean, yeah, that's what it feels like. It totally feels that way to most of us, most of the time.

But that's not usually the case. Usually, it's just that we're going through what we're going through, and the narrative that we hold that we're being punished is a way to distance ourselves from being in the feelings and coming to acceptance. And acceptance is simply awareness. That's all it is. It's not consent. It's not giving up. It's simply awareness. And so, if you've been resisting your reality, this Eclipse Season I want to encourage you to slow down and see if you can come into acceptance of what is. And you may just find that from a stage of acceptance, it becomes much easier to navigate both your internal and external conditions, even if there are things that you really don't like, even if things are scary or hard.

Now, I gotta get to your horoscope. But on November 8th, there will be another Eclipse. That's what's coming. So I'm not going to cover it in this week's horoscope. This week, we're looking at October 30th through November 5th of 2022. But we're definitely in the buildup. We're definitely in the buildup to the Lunar Eclipse, which is another kind of heavy Eclipse. And we're very much still in the feelings and integrating the Solar Eclipse. So, if you're feeling like you're just not catching a break, like your emotions are all over the place or people's energies are all over the place, especially if you're somebody who works with people or takes care of people, yeah, you're just feeling the vibes. You're feeling the energies. It is what it is. And I want to encourage you to be graceful with yourself, as well as others, if you can. And sometimes being graceful means having really firm boundaries.

I got one last thing to say, just one last thing to say. I thought that was all I was going to say, but I'm going to say one more thing. So you know how last week, little old Jupiter, sweet lady Jupiter, moved back into Pisces? Remember when that happened on the 27th of October? When Jupiter moved back into Pisces, where it will stay until December 20th of this year, of 2022, what happened was Jupiter moved back into a conjunction with Neptune. And I say back into a conjunction with Neptune because it was conjunct Neptune⁠—exactly conjunct Neptune. And it is not exact this time. Those two planets were exactly conjunct in the spring, in April, I believe. Neptune and Jupiter are conjunct to each other again. It's wide, but it is on through December 20th. So, October 27th through December 20th, we are under the influence of this transit. And it is very important⁠—very important⁠—to make sure your head is screwed on tight.

There are some lovely things that can happen with this transit. It can represent a time of increased generosity, humanity, and spirituality. Lovely, right? But it can also expand on the negative themes I referenced last week about Jupiter in Pisces⁠—religious extremism, gullibility and people kind of slipping into cults and other really destructive spiritual groups, and spiritual value systems or spiritual approaches. And also, it can bring up the fast spread⁠—Jupiter⁠—of things that attack the immune system⁠—Neptune in Pisces. What do we do? We mask up. When we do it? Indoors with other people.

When it comes to this theme of religious extremism, I'm going to passionately reiterate vote, because here in the U.S., there's a midterm election, and it happens to be on a fucking Eclipse⁠—an Eclipse. That Eclipse, there's a lot going on, but I will give you this. It forms a T-square to Saturn. And that is really good news for republicans. It is really good news for patriarchal, hierarchal, oppressive systems. And it can be very bad news for everyone else. The good news of it is Saturn is still in Aquarius. It is still the time for people coming together for each other, for the potential for revolution. But I don't know. In the U.S., we have a real apathy problem. Apathy and individualism⁠—it's real serious out here. So I will once again implore you, if you can, vote. It is not the only thing to do. It is the least that we can do. But it's the least we can do, so do the least. At least do the least.

Okay. All right. That's it. Now I'm going to get to your damn horoscope. Okay. So we're looking at October 30th through November 5th of 2022, and the first transit of this week is on the 30th. Mars goes Retrograde. Shit. So Mars goes Retrograde until January 12th of 2023, and then we're in the shadow, I believe, until March, which is a long fucking time, but here we are. This is the reality we are in. The last time we went through a Mars Retrograde was in the end of 2020. So here's the thing. Mars Retrograde is complicated. Mars governs men or dudes. So, yes, we're talking about cis men, but that's not all we're talking about. We're just talking about the archetype of maleness. Mars governs cars. It governs fire, knives, and hand-to-hand combat. It's fornication. It's fighting. It's egos. It's ambition. It's your red blood cells. It's your head.

Mars is a really important and powerful planet. If you're a student of astrology or if you're more into different kind of astrology than I practice⁠—I'm a humanistic astrologer⁠—you are going to see lots of things about how Mars is a malefic. "Eh" is what I say about that. When one is learning astrology, it is good to learn about things like malefics, and I think it can be a really useful way of understanding the function of the planet. But when we're actually using astrology for human experience, for understanding social conditions, I don't think it's very helpful, personally. And different astrologers who practice astrology in different ways will have a radically different take, and that is okay because there are different kinds of astrology, and they will center different perspectives.

When I'm talking about Mars, I'm not thinking that Mars is a malefic at all. Mars is a planet, and it is energy. And energy is energy. There are pros and cons of all energy. Now, Mars governs all those things I mentioned. Because of that, when it goes Retrograde, we can see the healthy ideal functions of Mars not going the way we'd expect. And so, because of this, it is not ideal to launch projects during a Mars Retrograde. Will it ruin your life? Probably not. Does a person gotta do what a person's gotta do? Do you gotta live your life? Absolutely. So you don't want to get too in your head about that. If you know it's a Mars Retrograde, then you know things might not go the way you planned. You know that things might move slower than you expected.

So we need to apply the rule of re's to this Retrograde. Reflect. Reconsider. Reassess. If things aren't really moving forward over these few months while Mars is Retrograde, take it as a blessing. It's not inherently a bad thing at all because Mars Retrograde wants us to do what all Retrogrades want us to do: reflect. Now, this Mars Retrograde is happening in Gemini. It will stay in Gemini this whole time. And it is wise to do your best to pause and think before you act, not just because it's a Retrograde⁠—because it's in Gemini. Gemini is an air sign governed by Mercury. It's a sign associated with thinking, with processing through lots of details. Gemini is not known for synthesis. To that, we would look to its opposite sign, Sagittarius. So we have Mars in a sign that gets real focused on a million details and can get distracted easily by details without thinking through the big picture or synthesizing those details. So you can see how Mars in Gemini is not the chillest of all the places for Mars to be for a Retrograde.

What I want to encourage you to do is reflect. And if you want to do that in a Gemini way by reflecting on lots of details, fabulous. Do your thing. But reflect before you act. And if you act before you think, then you'll just be engaging with the Mars Retrograde in that way, and that's cool. I mean, it's not the easiest way. But we're all going to do it to some extent or another. During a Mars Retrograde, it is very common to engage with⁠—not necessarily on purpose, but to engage with energies governed by Mars, so anger, sexuality, ambition, and ego. And this may be through your own issues coming up, and they are not coming up, again, to torture you. They're coming up so that you can learn and grow.

Engaging with your emotions is healthy. All of your emotions are healthy to experience. Now, I'm not saying it's healthy to experience all of your emotions in any way, and I'm not saying it's healthy to act on all emotions in any way. But we don't want to demonize any of our emotions, because when things get repressed or judged, this is when they tend to get twisted up. And that makes it harder for us to both understand ourselves and to make healthy, whole choices. And listen. Nobody is totally whole all the damn time. That is not a thing. That's not a thing. It's just a direction we want to point ourselves in.

So you may be feeling feelings during this Mars Retrograde or dealing with other people who are feeling feelings that are hard to deal with⁠—again, anger, agitation, passion, ambition, egoism. It's going to be important to make sure that you engage with those feelings or with those energies or with people coming at you with those energies in a way that reflects some measure of self-knowledge, some measure of intention. If you just go off of your habitual behavior, things are likely to get pretty messy because it's a Retrograde. It is absolutely possible that we will be seeing more violence in the world, and certainly, if you are concerned about violence in your personal life, take that concern seriously. Protect yourself or protect others. What is a meaningful concern for me is the fact that when I look at the chart of this Mars Retrograde⁠—which is cast for October 30th, 2022, at 6:25 a.m., because that's exactly when Mars goes Retrograde⁠—Mars is square to both Neptune and Jupiter, which are sitting conjunct to each other.

Because of this, if we are going to see violence, we are likely to see it in response to religious extremism. This is where we want to be particularly conscientious about conspirituality, misinformation, disinformation⁠—especially disinformation. We want to be on the lookout for things that we see published, things we see in the world, that are manufactured to elicit an anger response⁠—because social media is really good at that, putting things out there that piss you off, and so you stay engaged⁠—because a lot of that may not be true. I have talked for years about the need to both protect the press and have a free press, and I could talk about that for hours more just right now. I won't; don't worry. But this transit is really going to, I think, be an important shift around that. It's likely to be hard.

Alongside this Mars Retrograde, we're still going through the Saturn/Uranus square, which fucks with infrastructure, which makes it hard to know, "Do I need to expand, or do I need to pull back? Do I need more freedom, or do I need to buckle down?" It's hard to know what to do because reality feels like it is tenuous and hard to really pin down. That is intensified by Mars being square to Neptune and Jupiter. Neptune and Jupiter are not the most realistic planets. I would say they're some of the least realistic planets, speaking as a Capricorn. And on its own, not being realistic is not a bad thing. But when we're dealing with anger, rage, and violence, it is a really big deal. It's a super big deal.

And so, in the months ahead, there's going to be more of a cause for humanitarian engagement, the people coming together to unify as much as possible against oppressive violent regimes and forces, of which there are many in all nations and certainly in our individual lives. Here's the thing. When we're dealing with Neptune's energies, we can deal with victimy energies. And when we're dealing with Mars, we're dealing with aggression. And so you want to be on the lookout for being passive aggressive, making sure that you are not going into victim entitlement and doing it in a way where you're just basically flexing power. We can see this in countless ways, and this can play out in your personal life from you, from others⁠. So, again, we want to watch out for that this Mars Retrograde.

Because of this square between Mars and Neptune and Jupiter, there is a real risk of feeling just exhausted⁠—feeling exhausted and then being like, "I shouldn't feel exhausted, so I'm going to use these bursts of energy"⁠—that's Jupiter for you⁠—and then really exhausting yourself or creating a mess because you weren't acting from a centered place. And so, if you're feeling tired, hang in. It's okay.  Be tired. It's okay. This is an exhausting time. This is an exhausting transit. But again, it's really important that you are forthright because Mars is all about being forthright in its healthiest forms. In its best articulation, Mars is about bravery and courage and assertion, getting things done. And so, if you can't be brave or get things done, try to be honest with yourself and others about that.

Mars requires embodiment. Mars is all about the body. And because of that, you may have a hard time with your meat suit. Because of that, you may have a hard time with other things that are related to body, from health stuff to energy to sex to just feeling at home/at peace in your physical existence. So this is an opportunity for liberation, exploration that is physical, that is spiritual, that is contemplative. Again, we're reflecting with a Retrograde. We're not enacting.

This is not a great time for starting covert operations against other people. If you are feeling really fixated on someone else, my advice to you is to really ask yourself what that person is representing to you, and try to deal with it on a more internal level. Allow yourself to feel your anger or your jealousy or whatever is kicked up, but to feel it and to deal with those emotions as they are your own emotions instead of fixating too much on someone else, because Mars Retrograde is not a good time for that. Picking fights during a Mars Retrograde in Gemini⁠—eh. You could pick a better time is what I'm saying. It's not that productive.

Now, I'll talk about this Mars Retrograde more as time progresses. It's going to last for a little while. But that brings us, my friends, to the second transit I'm going to tell you about this week, and it just so happens to be the last transit of the week. There you go. And that's a Venus opposition to Uranus. This transit is exact on Saturday the 5th. This transit⁠—we're going to be feeling it the day before, the day after, and there's going to be an overlap with a transit that is exact on the 6th, so for next week's horoscope, and that's a Venus square to Saturn.

The reason why I mention this other transit is because it will for sure temper the vibes of the Venus opposition to Uranus. This transit brings about surprises. It brings about the unpredictable because Uranus is, by its very nature, unpredictable. This transit can bring about surprises and upsets in your relationships. Again, we're talking about Uranus bringing the unexpected and Venus relating to our relationships. But it's not just our relationships with other people. It's also our values and our value system, which is already⁠—these are some big themes that are already happening in the world⁠—the rights of women and people on the femme spectrum and diplomacy in general. So we're talking about diplomacy on a global level. We're also talking about just diplomacy in your day-to-day⁠—Venus.

Venus is also related to how we feel about how we look. And I want to remind you the way we look is temporary. It's changing. And it is something, hopefully, you're having fun with, hopefully you're in conversation with yourself about, but it's always a reflection of your values. So make sure that you are not giving it energy that is disproportionate to its value. Venus opposite Uranus is a transit that can be very disruptive to beauty norms. And that can be so liberating, or it can make you feel like shit. But if you can, point your viewfinder towards the liberation potential. I mean, that's just good for you. It's good for me. It's good for America.

So, classically speaking, Venus opposite Uranus is a time where things happen in your relationship life where you're just like, "Wait. What?" You all of a sudden speak some shit you were not planning on saying. Things happen that you were not expecting that are disruptive to your relationships. So, oftentimes during this transit, people will send me panic DMs being like, "I started a massive fight with my partner, and I don't know why, but now I'm in it and I can't get out." Yeah. That kind of thing can happen because Uranus is the nervous system. It sets off tensions. And Venus likes everything to be okay. So, if you are in any way repressing emotions, repressing your feelings, repressing your needs, then Uranus can all of a sudden just⁠—bing⁠—pop them out, just flick them out at the world or within you. So, yeah, it can be kind of messy. And this can come from you. It can come from someone else.

Now, this is a great time for being open to things changing, so changing⁠—not getting more stable or secure. Venus loves stability and security. That's its thing. But this is not the transit for making things stable and secure. It's the transit for exploring possibility. So, if you can explore without attachment⁠—I hope you're seeing themes emerge here⁠—then this transit can be really wonderful. But if you're like, "I know what I need. I know what I want. And I need this person to give me what I need and what I want in order for me to be okay," this is a much harder transit. And not to demonize that line of thinking. Sometimes that's real. Sometimes that's what it is. But Venus opposite Uranus wants exploration and openness and doesn't do as well with constriction and restriction.

Now, like I said, Venus is squaring Saturn at the same time. It will be exact on the 6th. And so that contradicts a lot of what I'm saying because Venus square Saturn is all about getting real, coming together with your values, making things stable and secure. So you can see how this larger Saturn/Uranus transit that we're going through is kind of meeting up with Venus, making us sad. So, again, not great for beauty or body-image stuff. Not great for clarity or certainty within relationships. You may be trying to have a conversation with a friend, with someone you're dating, somebody that you're close to⁠—have some sort of intimate connection with, because it's Venus⁠—and either you or they may not be able to give you a straight answer because they don't fucking know. They don't know what they feel. They don't know what they need. They don't know what they can offer or promise. Unfortunately, sometimes that happens.

If you can find a way to be healthy within yourself and to hold on and wait for these transits to pass, that might be great. That might be ideal, honestly. But you might not be able to. We're in Eclipse Season, and Eclipse Season means that shit is coming to the surface. And you may come to clarity that you need an answer, and if you can't get an answer, then that's the answer. But technically speaking, if you can hold out and let people and situations reveal themselves to you, that's valuable at this time. Again, emotions are all over the damn place during Eclipse Season. This is not a great time for creating stability.

And I will say, to that end, it's Eclipse Season; it's not a great time for doing drugs. If you're going to be partying this Halloween, yeah, be really grounded. Do your best to get super grounded before doing so. Make sure that you're safe. Play safe if you're going to be playing, because this energy is all over the damn place. Between the Eclipses, the Mars Retrograde, it's not great. But even if it wasn't the Mars Retrograde, Eclipses are not a great time for deep spiritual work, putting yourself in situations where your consciousness is being changed by something⁠—by anything, honestly⁠—because the Eclipses themselves are trying to change your consciousness. And again, we're meant to be open to it. But if you open up too wide, who knows what can come in? Who knows? So just be careful. Listen. I'm your Capri-mom/Capri-dad. Eclipsica? I'm workshopping names. But I'm trying to say just play safe if you're going to play because the energy out here is wild. It's just wild.

Now, I got one more thing to say about this Venus opposition to Uranus. The next time this transit is going to happen is the end of next year, the end of 2023. So this transit happens about once a year, but it only happens about once a year. And so, if you have been wanting to⁠—I don't know⁠—play with your style, take some sort of values-based risk in your relationships or your relationship to the way you look or play with your gender or whatever it is that falls into Venus's [indiscernible 01:50:47], this is a good time for doing it.

If you can experiment and explore without attachment, without future tripping, this is a great transit. And not everyone enjoys doing that. That's real, and not all times are good for that. But if you can get in there and have some fun with it, it's a really fun transit. Uranus can help us get out of our own way. It can also trip us up, if I'm being honest, but it can help us get out of our own way. And that's really powerful. And as much of a boner killer Saturn can be, especially when it's squaring Venus, it does help us to ground the electricity that Uranus brings. So something to play with.

Okay. So I'm going to run through these transits real quick. We're building up to another Eclipse on November 8th. I'm going to talk about it next week on the pod. We're paying attention to the fact that Jupiter and Neptune are conjunct each other⁠—loosely, but conjunct each other⁠—through December 20th of this year. On the 30th, Mars goes Retrograde in Gemini. It will stay there until January 12th, 2023. And on the 5th, we have an exact Venus opposition to Uranus at 17 degrees⁠—Venus 17 of Scorpio and Uranus 17 of Taurus. And that's it, my friends.

I thank you so much for joining me here on Ghost. If you haven't already subscribed to the podcast, please hit that Subscribe button wherever you're listening to the show. It does make a difference to a tiny little DIY show like mine. If you'd like to learn more with me and get a little more woo, have a little extra support through the mishigas we find ourselves in, you can join me over on Patreon⁠—link is in show notes⁠—and also on my very cute website, which⁠—if you have never see my website, I invite you to just go to the 'net and look for me because I'm there, and my website is cute. Plus that's where you can find the first and only existing Ghost of a Podcast merch. So, if you want to get cute. If you want to get cute.

Okay. Do your best to be kind to yourself and others, and I look forward to chatting with you next week. Buh-bye.