Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

I have had the total pleasure of being a guest on the Chatty Broads podcast several times over the years, but recently, I got to hook up with the Chatty Bros, the men of the Chatty Broads podcast. I gave a reading to Evan and Grayston, and I'm sharing half of that episode. So you get to hear the reading I gave to Evan. If you would like to hear the other half of this episode and the reading I gave to Grayston, you can listen to it over on the Chatty Broads feed, Episode 449.

Jessica: Let's start with you're an Aquarius. You're an Aquarius. You've got your Sun in the eighth house in Aquarius. So, again, I'm just starting with what I thought was interesting, which is why I was like, "All right. Of course, it's the Aquarius who's like, 'Let's get readings. I'm going to make this happen.'"

Evan: Right.

Jessica: And then you have this beautiful Moons/Venus conjunction in the tenth house. So you can get a little woo. You can definitely be very spiritual, a little woo. You're very sensitive. Ladies like you. I'm not talking about romance. You're married. But ladies are comfortable with you. You're comfortable with ladies because you're comfortable with your emo side and you're comfortable with intimacy. I mean, I'm going to say something that's the opposite of that in a minute, so don't get too excited.

But you're comfortable with intimacy. You like it, and in particular, you're good at being caring with people and receiving care. So you can get a little tender. I know Aquarius⁠—the stereotype is being cold, which again⁠—yeah, okay. Sure. But you've got this nice little Pisces Moon. So, yeah, you can be a tender puppy. So this kind of experience⁠—I was like, yeah, this makes sense for you. You can totally do this.

Evan: Got it.

Jessica: Now, I have to ask. You've been married for many years?

Evan: Ten years.

Jessica: That's such a long time.

Evan: Yeah. It's very long.

Jessica: It's a long time for anyone, but for your age, that's like your whole life, pretty much, eh?

Evan: Yeah. I was 24 and a half when I got married.

Jessica: Very young.

Grayston: Are you okay?

Evan: Help me.

Jessica: No.

Evan: No way. No. I mean, it's also one of those things, too, where I was not ever going to be that guy, too, that was going to get married young. It just was never something I wanted. But then I met Jess, and so that was the difference.

Jessica: I mean, being married young is written in your chart.

Evan: Got it. Okay.

Jessica: Yeah. You've got this Saturn in the seventh house. You're like a serial monogamist. You really like your bestie. You don't like endings. You like things to be consistent. Now, at the same time, you're fucking easily bored. You need things to change up. And this is where sometimes your relationships can get a little tense, so not just your marriage, but your close relationships because you like everything to be the same until you wake up one day and you're like, "Yeah, I need things to be different." And that's how that is for you. And it can be a little like, "Wait. What?" for the people around you.

Evan: Sure. Sure.

Jessica: So you're somebody who needs to change, and you need your relationships to change. And as long as that's present in your life, you're really well suited to marriage. You're really well suited to all manner of partners. And I know that you two are kind of partners as well, so it's like you're well suited to that. You're good for it. Now, I have to say when I was studying your chart⁠—and I'm going to make you ask me questions in a minute, but when I was studying your chart, I was like, "Okay. A couple things." Thing 1, do you exercise a fair amount?

Evan: I used to a lot, probably from, honestly, 0 to 22, 23, and then over the last decade, it's⁠—I mean, I would say the last five years, less, because the industry that I work in is just very dark rooms, no movement on desks, and I work long hours. And so, a lot of times, what happens is just it's hard to get momentum going. But I've had a real intense need to get back into it.

Jessica: Agreed.

Grayston: I like that you said 0 to 22.

Jessica: For you, it's therapy. It's like you have to. And I'm going to say this funny, but you're not on sports teams? You don't play sports?

Evan: I used to. Literally, I was a highly competitive athlete from⁠—yeah, like my whole life until I kind of reached mid-20s.

Jessica: I cannot stress enough how important it is that you reprioritize it. And it doesn't have to be for being competitive, although you can't help yourself.

Evan: Right.

Jessica: You got this Mars in Sagittarius, and it's square to your Venus Moon. So, yeah, you like competing, but you also really like team sports because it's a way of having camaraderie with people, which is part of what you enjoy. But you are somebody who needs to physically push yourself; otherwise, you get irritable, which⁠—it looks like you're uncomfortable with being irritable. So, when you're uncomfortable with being irritable, you can just get shut down instead. Does that make sense?

Evan: Yes.

Jessica: Yeah. You're welcome.

Evan: Dead on. Yes.

Jessica: So, for you, what becomes really important is having an outlet. And that might even mean if you're sitting in a dark room, which is⁠—so you're in film something?

Evan: Music.

Jessica: Music. Okay. Yeah. If that's what you're doing all day, I mean, there's got to be a way, a workaround. Running is good. It's not the best for you. It doesn't give you the same mental thing that pushing does. Did you ever do any kind of combat stuff, like fighting?

Evan: I boxed for a summer last year.

Jessica: And you didn't love it?

Evan: No, I loved it. It was just like⁠—you know how⁠—whatever. I let things get in the way of it.

Jessica: Yeah. So if you could just⁠—

Evan: But all my sports as a kid⁠—I was a football player and a hockey player. So everything was high-contact sports.

Jessica: Right. That is what works for you.

Evan: Yeah.

Jessica: So, if it's an issue of time, I would recommend investing in a speed bag or a heavy bag, something that you can have in the house and you can just be like, "Everyone's driving me nuts. Pardon me. I'll be back in ten minutes," and you just pound a bag and then come back, and you literally will have a bit of a reset. It just looks incredibly important for you. Related to that, do you wear a night guard?

Evan: What's that?

Jessica: A night guard? That's a no. But a night guard is like a dentist prescribes it, and you pop it in your⁠—

Evan: Oh, for grinding? Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. It's for grinding and clenching.

Evan: No, I don't.

Jessica: But do you know if you grind or clench?

Evan: I've never been told that.

Jessica: Do you wake up with jaw tension or neck tension?

Evan: Neck.

Jessica: Yeah. I'm no dentist, obvi, but I strongly recommend the next time you go to the dentist⁠—and do you go to the dentist?

Evan: I mean, no.

Jessica: That's a no. I'm like, nobody prescribed it to you because you never went to the dentist. Okay.

Evan: I go every once—I go when I need to. You know?

Jessica: Sure. Okay. 

Evan: When something starts hurting. 

Jessica: Here's a fun fact about teeth grinding and clenching, is that you can both fuck your teeth but also your gums, which⁠—by the way, your gums are very sensitive. Are you a flosser?

Evan: I tried to, but it's interesting you say that about the gums and teeth. You know how people can bite into an ice cream?

Jessica: Yeah.

Evan: I will hit the ceiling. I can't even come close to doing that.

Grayston: That's not my jam.

Evan: So yes. I do have sensitive gums, and I need to get better at⁠—I brush my teeth, but again, we all know that that's not the most important thing.

Jessica: No, but hey. Thank you for brushing those teeth of yours. I'm sure everybody appreciates it.

Evan: It's 50 percent.

Jessica: Also, let me be the one to say get a Waterpik.

Evan: Okay.

Jessica: Floss those teeth. Go to the dentist, and ask if you need a night guard. My guess is they're going to say yes because it's really preventative dental care, and you do not want periodontal surgery. Your gums are sensitive even if you don't have a gum problem. So yeah. Strong recommend.

Evan: Okay.

Jessica: The other thing I'm going to say to you before I invite questions is you're going through one hell of a time right now, like one hell of a time. And you are meant to be questioning everything. You've come out of a period of your life that has been also a time of questioning, but you have more energy than you had. You're right now dealing with consequences⁠, the consequences of your actions⁠—the ones you've taken, the ones you haven't taken⁠—and you are meant to be really considering, "What am I doing with my life? Where am I going? What is the fucking plan?"

And it doesn't need to be written in stone, because you have an Aquarius Midheaven. And so you do need things to be kind of open and flexible, and you like being like, "I don't know what's going to happen. Let's see what'll happen." Again, well suited to an astrology reading. But this is a time in your life where it's really important that you ask yourself hard questions and not shy away from work. You may be getting opportunities that you're like, "Yeah, I could do this, but it'll cost me something." Yeah. Take opportunities that are good opportunities right now. Any opportunity that comes your way you've earned.

Sometimes in life, things just are like, "Whoa. That was a lightning bolt." Not right now for you. Everything that's working is working because you've made it work, which is really cool. Actually, maybe I have a few more things to say. Is that okay, before I ask you to ask me⁠—

Evan: Please. This is amazing.

Jessica: Okay. That's what I'm doing. Another thing that's happening in your birth chart⁠—do you still talk to your dad?

Evan: Yeah. Yeah, but not even remotely close like I used to.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. And do you mind if I talk about that?

Evan: Sure.

Jessica: And is he with your mom?

Evan: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Do you talk to her?

Evan: Same.

Jessica: Same. Okay. Yeah. First of all, congratulations. It looks like it's the best move for you at this time because no amount of boundaries were working. And it's not because they don't love you. It's because they're very fixed in their morality and in their idea of what's right and what's wrong and what's real and what's not. Does that make sense?

Evan: Yes.

Jessica: Yeah.

Evan: Absolutely.

Jessica: And so, right now, part of what's happening for you is that on a very spiritual level, you're reconfiguring what it means to be a man, what it means to be⁠—you're a father, right?

Evan: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah, because⁠—what it means to be a father, a husband, and this is keyed into how you're organizing your thoughts of what you want from life. It's keyed into your ideas about what's possible and what's not possible and what you want to take on or not. And I have to ask, was your father violent?

Evan: No, no. Definitely not. But he's really strong in his⁠—both my parents are extremely religious. You know what I mean?

Jessica: Okay. Yes.

Evan: And work in that world. And so definitely not at all physically violent or anything like that, but also just very⁠—a strong guy who believes what he believes and is pretty behind it.

Jessica: That makes sense because there's this rigidity that I see in the belief system that I typically only see within religious Christian backgrounds or military families, like people who were raised by cops or military folks. There's only one way to see the world, and it's his way. And that is kind of a form of a violence. It's not a physical violence, but there's no room in it for anything but his way.

And what I'm seeing is that you are going through a very personal, very, I would say, spiritual period of evolution the next couple of years⁠—but it's been really intense for the last year or so⁠—where you're figuring out what you believe and that it's how to have a morality that maybe in some ways has similarities or parallels to your family and in particular to your dad but is ultimately a reflection of what feels authentic to you.

And it is really important to you to not get too rigid. And at the same time, there's things that are true and things that aren't true. And I think you're kind of, on a spiritual level, going through a bit of a struggle with that right now. And it's a healthy struggle. It's a good struggle for you to be engaged in. Does this make sense?

Evan: 100 percent. It's interesting you say all this. I was raised in this family that was highly religious, and over time, I always really struggled with it. I was always kind of one foot, one⁠—my dad worked in it, and I was kind of working in it because of that as well, working with him and doing different things. Over time, just the tension became too great. I just couldn't ever find myself in it. And then, over the last five years, really just completely off of it entirely, wasn't even associated with it at all and flew the opposite direction, like I don't believe in anything; everything's bullshit.

Within the past, I would say, year, year and a half, I've been trying to just push down all the⁠—I don't know, just shut off⁠—not being so shut off is what I'm trying to say, and being more open to, "Okay. Let's reset the clock here. Let's just reset my brain, allow myself to kind of find where I land"⁠—for the first time, meeting with someone in a setting of⁠—I call him my guru because he's not really a therapist, but he's someone that has helped my friends' lives a lot, and he's been helping me process this.

And you used the word "woo." It's funny because I feel that way in myself, but also, I come from that background that there is no woo at all. So I'm just kind of opening myself up to it for the first time. And he's extremely woo, I guess you'd say. And he's been helping me just kind of be open to things. And that goes with the life stuff, too. I've been working hard for years, and I'm in this industry that I love, and this and this, but at the same time, I'm hitting this wall where I'm going, "What is the reason for all of this? What do I really want?" It's been interestingly⁠—I don't know⁠—existential lately for the first time in almost⁠—maybe ever.

Jessica: It is, in some ways, the most existential crisis you've gone through. And in other ways, it's not. It's just that you're old enough that you understand the stakes and you know yourself. And before, you knew the stakes but not yourself, or yourself and not the stakes. But certain things happen with time. You know?

Evan: Yeah.

Jessica: And the perspective I want to share is that you are a deeply spiritual person. It's that you don't like the rigidity and rules and the component of condemnation, which is, again, a form of cruelty or violence. And that really doesn't resonate with you. In your moments of insecurity, it doesn't resonate with you because who doesn't want an answer? Who doesn't want to be told that life is black and white?

Evan: 100 percent. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. But you don't believe that. I mean, you don't believe that life is black and white. That doesn't make sense to you. And you do have more of a polyamorous religious style. You're not a monogamous person when it comes to spirituality. It's poly for you. Do you know what I'm saying?

Evan: 100 percent.

Jessica: Yeah. And that looks healthy. That looks like it's authentic because throwing away spirituality will be just as damaging to you as being dogmatic in the way that your family of origin is. For you, it's about self-discovery and exploration. And there needs to be both an element of logic for you but also an element of "This touches something that's hard for me to put my finger on." You need both of those things.

And this is directly linked, but in a "the soil that is the home for the roots of the tree" kind of way⁠—this is directly linked to your relationship to what kind of man you want to be in relationship but also just as a person in the world, and how you want to organize your goals, because if you're doing work and it's not bringing meaning and it's connected to larger goals that do bring meaning, okay, maybe it sucks, but it makes sense. But if you're ambiguous about the bigger goals, then the compromises stop making sense.

I don't have an answer, and the reason why I don't have an answer is because the journey is the answer. The path is the answer. Asking the questions, feeling uncomfortable, not settling for these easy answers that life will offer you in the short term⁠—that's the answer. It's the path. And I think that what I'm saying is intuitive to you. It makes sense to you. But then, when you're actually in it, there are these parts of you that are just indoctrinated into there's right and wrong and good and evil. It's like, "Okay. Well, I must be making a mistake because I don't know what the right answer is."

But for you, nuance is the right answer. And that's uncomfortable a lot of the time. And so I just want to encourage you to stay with the discomfort because from my perspective, cultivating the skills of being present with discomfort⁠—that shit is like⁠—that's emotional maturity. And that emotional maturity will give you just a better life, better outcomes in life. So there is that.

The other thing⁠—are you making music for yourself or for other people?

Evan: For years, I did it for myself. And then, over the last three, four years, it's all for other people.

Jessica: And when we say other people, do we mean⁠—are you creating soundtracks, or are you making music for other people or bands?

Evan: So I for a while was making⁠—I'm a producer and a songwriter, so I was making music with artists for their career. And then, over the last three years, I've done⁠—I'm a music director now. So what I do is I build out live shows with the artists. So the artists will get done with their album, and then I will convert it into⁠—when they go to the arena, how do we make it sound? How do we make it look? I kind of build all that out.

Jessica: And you're enjoying that?

Evan: I actually really love it.

Jessica: Great. That looks really well suited to you. For you, it looks like making your own music is better suited to a personal practice because when it starts becoming your career, you lose your juj. You know what I mean? And creating what I call soundtracks⁠—because I wouldn't have known that job. It's very specific.

Evan: No one knows that job exists except people who do it. It's weird.

Jessica: People who are in the industry and people who need it, people who do it.

Evan: Yeah.

Jessica: But it's essentially like a soundtrack, right?

Evan: Right.

Jessica: That is your happy place. This is a great direction for you. I imagine in the last year, you've had really cool opportunities. And if that's happening during a fucking pandemic, you know you're doing something right. So I will say, on that front, for whatever it's worth, I think you're really on the right path. But what's difficult is the relationships that you have. Having boundaries and not being rigid⁠—not your forte. Very confusing to you.

And so you might need, if you don't already, to have somebody who's kind of representing you and managing the business end of the relationships so that you can just be in the creative space with people and have somebody be your strong arm. I think if I was queen of the world and I had all the power, I would get you that person, and then I think you would really flourish and be very happy. Does that make sense?

Evan: 100 percent. I was talking to Jess the other day about this. I was like, "I feel really conflicted as a person because I've been trained through my upbringing to be a person who takes care of things and knows finances or gets the"⁠—you know, all those things. But my nature isn't that. My nature is very much more like flowing, not holding to any of that stuff. And so I was even telling her⁠—I was like, before even having a kid, which brings a lot of love but at the same time brings a lot of responsibilities, and you're up at 7:00, and you're getting lunch going⁠—you know? It's a lot.

I feel like people who are naturally more organized⁠—it comes a little bit more natural to them. I found that it was really hard for me to jump from super being in a creative flowing space to rigid, or from rigid and organized to creative. That's always been kind of my dilemma, is I have to almost live a lifestyle to make the creativity just flow, but that lifestyle doesn't work very well with things that need to get done. Or at least it's hard for me.

Jessica: It is. It is. I mean, you don't have an Aries in your chart. I mean, you have one planet, but it's the wateriest planet. You're not an earthy person that way. You are much more of a flowing person. And a lot of what you're describing is you were raised to be an alpha male, and you are able to do it as long as you shut down all of your creativity in your heart. And you hate yourself and you kind of don't like anyone else when you do it, but you're capable. It's just not worth it.

And again, this is the larger theme you're going through of deciding, is it okay to be the kind of man you are, like what you really are? And how can you get support? Because there's lots of creative people⁠—maybe most creative people aren't great at that linear stuff that requires rigidity and consistency. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just about if you accept it, then you can conscript⁠⁠—that's the wrong word, but you can get the right kind of support that you need; it's not that big a deal. It's when you're battling yourself, you're not accepting yourself, and you're like, "Oh, I have to be all the things all the time. That's the only way to be the man I'm supposed to be"⁠—that's when you are not as successful. And even if you're technically successful, you don't feel successful because you're fucking uncomfortable. You know what I mean?

Evan: Yes. I completely identify with that because I feel like there will be things I'll be working towards, and I'll accomplish it and it'll feel like nothing happens. And I'm like, "What the fuck?" You know what I mean?

Jessica: Yeah. That's exactly right. So, for whatever it's worth, whenever that shit happens, that's how you know you've done something that's not authentic to you, and you are kind of out of alignment with yourself. And if you're a musician, you know what alignment is. You know what it means for somebody to hit pitch, note, rhythm, all the things. That's alignment. And we must be in alignment. And when you are, you know it because it's easy. It doesn't mean it's not difficult, but even within the difficulty, it's easy. There's a flow. When you're not in alignment, yeah, everything feels like teeth grinding, basically.

Evan: Yes.

Jessica: Yeah. So I guess I did talk to you a lot. But I want to ask, do you have any questions?

Evan: Well, no. I mean, you kind of answered it right at the last minute there, which was I have felt a lot of conflict personally with how I live and how I don't feel a lot of peace. It's like I feel like I'm two people, which is like if I go on vacation, I can chill harder than anyone you've ever seen, but then the second I'm home, it's like I have to be busy⁠—ideally productive, but even if it's not, it's like filling my mind with stuff, watching stuff, listening to stuff⁠. There is no calm. And it feels sickening, almost. It feels like a loop. I'll create these almost nausea-inducing⁠—I always have to have something happening with myself because there is a level of "because you're not good enough if you don't do it, if you don't accomplish, if you don't do all those things." But I feel my body screaming in a different way. And so⁠—

Jessica: That's a great question. Okay. So let me just first of all say I'm really happy for you that you're naming that, because it's one of your core things, actually, and it is tied in to the religion that you were raised in and the way that you were raised within religion. Are you from a Foursquare background?

Evan: I mean, non-denominational/Baptist.

Jessica: Okay. Baptist. Okay. There it is. Okay. There's a certain⁠—I don't⁠—anyways, that's another conversation. Focus, Jessica. Okay. I'm going to give you the thing. So, at core, there's lots of things you can do. You can practice meditating. You can whatever. But here's the core foundational issue. It's that if you slow down and you don't consume anything and you don't take anything in and you're not doing anything, you feel sad or you feel mad. That's the problem. And you don't like feeling sad even more than you don't like feeling mad, but you really don't like feeling mad.

And so you're constantly doing this thing where you're like, "Oh shit. I have to distract from these feelings. Why am I constantly distracting myself? I'm going to drop into my feelings." And then, when you drop into your feelings, they're waiting for you, except for it's been years. And so then you do more to distract.

Evan: Yes.

Jessica: And so the answer⁠—and this answer will kind of have this ripple effect through just about everything in your life⁠—ideally, with support, cultivating a practice where you sit with and do nothing about your feelings. And that's really hard for you because you have a feeling, and you try to fix it. You have a feeling, and you try to get away from it. You have a feeling, and you try to get it to change unless it's happiness.

Evan: Honestly, that's the way I feel like I'm trained. If something's wrong, fix it.

Grayston: It sounds very practical.

Evan: Yeah. Super practical. But when you apply that to every aspect of your body and mind, I think that's when I start to lose my mind.

Grayston: Yeah. What you just recommended sounds insane to me.

Jessica: I'm sure it does. We will get to you, sir. 

Grayston: Sit in the middle of a bunch of problems and do nothing about any of it.

Evan: And sit with it and mentally lose yourself.

Grayston: That's causing so much anxiety for me to think about.

Jessica: Okay. So think about it this week. Let me give you⁠—because you both have kids, right?

Evan: Yeah.

Grayston: Yeah.

Jessica: You can watch a kid try to⁠—I don't know⁠—learn how to read. And when a kid tries to learn how to read, you see them get frustrated, and you can see them be like, "Well, fuck it. I'm not going to try to read." Your kids probably don't say "fuck it," but whatever. They mean it. So they might say, "Fuck it. I'm not going to try to learn how to read because reading is hard." But you know by listening to stories, practicing reading, pretending to read, what happens is the mind is doing work in a nonlinear way, and then eventually, they realize that they can read.

Same thing with speech, right? They can't talk. They can't talk. They can't talk. And then, all of a sudden, they've got a sentence. It's the same thing with our emotional development. And what happens when we go feeling/action is we're skipping⁠—it's like we're like stone, gap, stone. We're not building a bridge between feelings and actions, and that's the problem because if you don't build a bridge and all you do is take this leap, on those moments where you can't take the leap, you fall.

And what I am recommending is not not doing something, but it's being able to not do something. And when you feel sad or mad, if you can create a practice where you're like, "Okay. I feel sad. There's no fucking way I'm sitting in these emotions. What I'm going to do⁠"⁠—put 20 seconds on the clock, literally on your phone that you were just scrolling to distract from your sad feelings. 20 seconds on the clock. Practice just sitting and feeling them. That's it. 20 seconds. And then build from 20 seconds to maybe a minute. And maybe eventually, you can be like, "All right. I'm going to feel feelings for 20 minutes." And this is a practice that will simply give you more options.

So it's not so that you can languish in emotion. It's so that you can understand what that emotion is about. And that's the only way to take care of that emotion because if you have a screaming child and you're like, "Kids scream, and then they stop. Fuck it. I'll leave the kid alone in the room. No big deal," yeah, probably, the child will eventually stop screaming, but you'll never know what was wrong and you will not have fixed the problem. And when it happens again, the child will scream more because it knows that no amount of screaming will get help.

And we are all that child. We are all that child. So much of what I'm talking about, in more psychological or more dramatically woo terms, it's like re-parenting yourself. It's being able to tolerate your own emotions and not being like, "Boys don't cry. Tighten up. Do something. Pray on it." It's being like, "Oh. What are these emotions? What are they actually communicating?" because most of the time, your emotions are telling you that you feel something for a reason.

And the only way to figure that reason out is to sit with the emotions so that you can listen to them. And the only way to listen, to let your emotions open up to you and reveal what they're really about, is for you to be trustworthy, which⁠—you're not currently trustworthy to that part of yourself because you're constantly squashing it, judging it, repressing it, right?

Evan: Yeah.

Jessica: What I'm talking about is your deepest shit, if I'm being honest. This is why I was so happy when you brought it up because I wasn't going to bring it up because I thought I pushed you hard enough. I'm thrilled that you brought it up. And I just recommend thinking about what we're talking about, engaging in a practice with it instead of being goal oriented. And I see you. You're really competitive. And so that's part of why I was like, "Make sure you're doing sports or you're beating something up routinely," because that will help you to be present with your emotions because you'll have run some of your energy instead of needing to repress and disassociate from that energy.

Evan: It's funny you say goal oriented versus practice because that's a huge problem in my life, is I'm really good at goals and I'm really bad at practice. So, if I said, "Oh, I'm going to get totally in shape by three months," I'll get in shape in three months, and then three months later, I'm back out of shape because I didn't have the⁠—you know what I mean? I didn't have the practice.

Jessica: Yes.

Evan: So, for me, the same goes with all the stuff you're talking about. It's like the daily practice⁠—I really struggle at daily doing it. But if I have a "I gotta get to this thing," it's easier for me. But that's obviously not how life works where there's a goal at the end of therapy or meditation. It's like I really need to focus on just daily practice.

Jessica: I mean, I think the goal⁠—and this might not work for you, but setting the goal of by the age of⁠—and you're how old now?

Evan: 34.

Jessica: Okay. So, "By the age of 36 or by the age of 37, I want to make sure that I am a man who knows how to feel his own feelings, who can tolerate sadness"⁠—that's a goal.

Evan: That's true. Yeah.

Jessica: And it does something to your brain where it sets a limit, like, "I am moving towards this limit." And that's satisfying, right? It's not the same as being like, "Yeah, I'm going to bench-press x within three months." That's such an achievable goal for you. But having this bigger-picture goal⁠⁠—if you have support, you can cut it into smaller goals, which is like tolerating sadness for ten seconds or whatever. And that is achievable.

But you've got this Mars in the sixth house, so you're always going to want to compete with yourself and do your personal best⁠—very Jodie Foster. You know what I mean? Personal best. So you're always going to want to do that. And you just gotta trick yourself, just like you would do with a child. You want your kid to eat veggies, so sometimes you're like, "Dessert is after veggies. Make a choice." And that's the move. But I do think physical exercise supports emotional patience for you. So I wouldn't recommend one without the other.

Evan: Okay. I've been feeling that big time, by the way, so you're nailing it on the⁠—physical exercise thing has been pounding in my brain. So yeah.

Jessica: It's the fucking thing. It is the thing. I mean, again, if I was queen of the world and we were all made of money, I'd get you a pool. I would have you enough time. You wouldn't be running the business end of your business. You'd have support with that, and in that time that you would otherwise spend, I would have you doing fitness stuff. You know what I mean? I just architected what I think is ideal for you.

Evan: Can you fund this dream, please?

Jessica: I wish I could. If I could, I'd be super excited. But I cannot.

Evan: Okay. I understand. It was worth a try. Thanks. I have a million more, but I think it's Grayston's turn.

Jessica: Grayston, you've been so patient.

Evan: So patient.

Grayston: I've been trying. I just like that we ended on what Evan needs in life is a house with a pool and a tennis court, and then you'll be happy.

Evan: Did I not just tell you the other day⁠—it's funny you said the pool specifically. I literally said, "All I need is a pool."

Jessica: You do.

Evan: I don't even care where I live. If I have a pool, everything's okay.

Grayston: Get an above-ground.

Evan: Okay.

Jessica: Honestly, if you could get an above-ground or⁠—you know they have those short little pools, but they have a current, and you just swim against the current?

Evan: Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jessica: That would do it for you because you'd be pushing yourself.

Evan: Like a swim treadmill.

Jessica: Yeah. That's right.

Grayston: Those are wild.

Jessica: That's right.

Grayston: My parents just got a massive above-ground pool for like 2 grand.

Evan: Really? Wow.

Jessica: Really?

Grayston: Yeah. It's really funny. But it's like a giant⁠—I want to say it's 25 or 30 feet long⁠—

Evan: Whoa. So it's like a big normal pool size.

Grayston: ⁠—by 15 or 20 feet wide. Yeah. It's a full pool. You can swim laps in it. And it was less than⁠—the entire setup, including leveling the ground, was less than 5K.

Evan: Wow. That's crazy.

Jessica: I'm shocked.

Grayston: And water and filling it up, the whole thing. My dad was very happy about it.

Evan: Wow. That does sound exciting.

Grayston: But it was like⁠—for a backyard, you don't need a 30-foot pool. But I'm just saying it's attainable.

Evan: I love it. I need to do it. I need to do it. It's attainable. You're right.

Jessica: I feel like the next time you do an episode of Chatty Bros, everyone's going to be like, "But where's the pool?"

Evan: Exactly.

Jessica: So it's a lot of pressure. It's a goal.

Evan: It's a goal. Thank you.

Jessica: You're welcome. Yeah. You're welcome.

Evan: Grayston, are we ready?

Grayston: I believe so.

Jessica: Are we? Hold on. We're going to do it.

Grayston: Yeah. I got to watch Evan's.

Evan: You pull up your chart. It's just black.

Grayston: I know. Right?

Jessica: Wait. I have the wrong⁠—wait. Hold on. Hold on. I got it. And scene.

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Okay. We are going to get into your horoscope today for the dates of October 10th through the 8th of 2022. But I'm going to touch on the Eclipses at the end, so make sure you stick around. Let's do this. On October 2nd, the first news I have for you is Mercury goes station direct. Huzzah. Basically, what this means is the Mercury Retrograde is over. The Retroshade, which is the period in which Mercury travels through the degrees it was in during the Retrograde, so it kind of circles back⁠—that will be over on October 17th. And so we still have some wonkiness that can occur. During the Retroshade, we have a time where the things that we've been going through in the Retrograde have an opportunity to kind of be flushed out or worked out, which is great. But functionally speaking, that means that we can experience some Retrograde light vibes. So nothing to worry about, just something to keep in mind.

Now, on October 6th, we have the first exact transit of the week. On this date, we have a Mercury trine to Pluto. And for those of you who like to be nice and specific like I do, Mercury is at 26 degrees of Virgo and Pluto is at 26 degrees of Capricorn. So this is happening in earth signs, which means we're going to have a little bit of an extra grounded vibe running here. When Mercury trines Pluto, it's an excellent time for concentration, especially because it's in earth signs. This is a transit that can deepen our thinking, so we're more willing and able to explore things that are deep, that are psychologically complex or that are tactically complex.

If you want to learn something new, this is an excellent transit for doing so. And if you have to deal with anything that requires concentration, then you should know this is a great transit for you because Pluto deepens our thinking, and Mercury in Virgo is already pretty good at focusing on details. So this transit's really good for hunkering down and doing what needs to be done. If you have something that needs to get talked through with someone at work/personally/whatever, this is an excellent transit for having a difficult conversation in a way that isn't so bad. Again, this transit deepens our ability and willingness to get real and talk about things in a real way, to think about things in a deep way.

Because Pluto's involved, even though it's a trine, which is a lovely transit, we can find ourselves a little bit on the obsessive side, a little bit engaging with our compulsions. But the good news is because it's a trine, we're likely to be fixated on things that are productive and healthy, which is really cool. If you're trying to work through addiction issues, past hurts, if you're trying to figure out a way to activate and become mobilized around the very many ills of the world, Mercury trine Pluto is your friend. This is a time where we can figure things out and we can have our voices heard. We can come to greater comprehension. We can uplift the voices of others. And I say voices because Mercury governs our voices, our thoughts, our attitudes, and information in general. So that's the Mercury trine to Pluto. It is a beautiful freaking transit.

And that brings us, my friends, to the 7th. On the 7th, we have a Sun opposition to Chiron. Now, keep in mind the Sun is in Libra and Chiron is Aries. And specifically, we're talking about the Sun at 14 degrees and Chiron at 14 degrees. So, if you have anything in your birth chart in a cardinal sign at around 14 degrees, you're really going to feel this one. But the Sun/Chiron opposition has so much to do with tensions between what we need as an individual and where we need to compromise. And in particular, Chiron is related to wounding. It signifies the parts of ourselves or of society that have been harmed and in particular have been harmed by patriarchal wounding, which is a pretty big bucket of problems, both for us each as individuals in our personal lives as well as on a societal level because all of these transits both happen to us as individuals and are happening to the collective; they're happening to everybody.

So this particular transit can be rough because, as we know, oppositions are often experienced and expressed as projections, a.k.a. they play out in relationships, relationships between individuals or groups of people⁠—so, again, personal versus social. When we go through a Sun opposition to Chiron, we can expect some shit to come up. And that shit doesn't come up in a way where you're like, "Oh my goodness. Look. There's some shit. It's coming up." It's more like you're getting triggered. Something within you that is tender from having been harmed or traumatized, depending on the situation, is getting confronted by situations, people, or triggers.

So it is important to acknowledge that there is a meaningful difference between a trigger and a trauma. And it's really important that we are looking at things in an honest way and dealing with them in an honest way. The most efficient way of finding the right remediation, the right way of coping, is to understand what the problem really is. And so I say this because with a Sun opposition to Chiron, it is very possible that you or someone you're dealing with or somebody who's close to you is feeling really harmed, but perhaps they're being triggered or vice versa. And it is important to be able to cope with this stuff, and this can be really painful. This can be really scary, depending on what's going on.

We certainly can expect to see further crackdowns from patriarchal strongmen rulers and systems that were set up to defend and protect patriarchal interests. And saying patriarchal is a very big umbrella term, obviously, and it can be applied in so many different ways. And that's Chiron for you. When we're dealing with a Sun opposition to Chiron, we have the potential to achieve meaningful healing. And so the positive potential of this transit is that you become self-aware about something inside of you that is functioning from a place of fear or wounding and that that self-awareness empowers you to heal in some very subtle or small way or in a very big and dramatic way. It can play out any old way, basically.

So that is the positive potential. The negative potential is the exact same thing. Often, in order to heal it, we need to feel it. In order to heal, we often need to step into our pain or our struggles, and that's hard. That's rough. And so what I want to kind of point you towards with this Sun opposition to Chiron⁠—and to keep in mind that this transit will be active the 6th, 7th, and 8th. The thing I want you to keep in mind with this transit is that what's happening within you, how other people are treating you, is an opportunity to get right with yourself, to get present, and to stay with our vulnerability so that we are not perpetrating harm to ourselves in our moment of need.

This may be something very subtle for you, or it may be a little on the dramatic side, again, especially if you have something close to 14 degrees of a cardinal sign. The key here is to be willing to heal, and healing is a pain in the ass because it means you have to feel your pain, at least for a little while. And so pay attention to your triggers, pay attention to your vulnerabilities, and be willing to do the work.

Now, on a more social level, we are likely to see continuing drama in many regions of the world as individuals seek to have their autonomy and their dignity honored and preserved and, unfortunately, as patriarchal systems clamp down to preserve their power. Chiron is a really difficult asteroid to work with. It's not a planet; it's an asteroid. And when we're going through difficult transits to or from Chiron, things can get really rough and messy. So, in the presence of personal or social or political difficulties, we always have a choice of how we're going to show up, how we're going to engage, whether we turn away from the suffering of others or even our own suffering, or we turn towards it. Sometimes bearing witness is the best you can do, and sometimes there are more things you can do.

The key here is to be aware of how your participation or lack thereof helps or hurts. And as we all know, intention is not equal to impact⁠—not always, anyways. And so it's important this week and certainly around these dates to be aware of these things that I'm speaking to. This actually brings me into wanting to talk to you about Eclipse season.

Now, on the 9th, which is next week's horoscope, we have a Full Moon in Aries. And the next lunation that we're going to have this month in October is an Eclipse. So we are in Eclipse season, my friends. And I want to talk about it for a minute. I will talk about the Full Moon in Aries in next week's episode; don't you worry. But if you're like, "No, no, no. I need to know now," then join me over on Patreon on the kittens level, where I drop a bonus episode of Ghost of a Podcast delineating all of the transits of the month ahead and giving you some unique content. I also explore a lot of woo themes on there. And so, if you want to get woo with me, giddy on up.

But I digress. Eclipse season. So the Eclipses are occurring in the zodiac signs of Taurus and Scorpio. On the 25th of October, we're going to have a Solar Eclipse in Scorpio. And then, on November 8th, we have a Lunar Eclipse in Taurus. Eclipses are like regular Full or New Moons but intensified, many times intensified. They're much more emotional. They can be a lot more chaotic, a little bit more unpredictable⁠—maybe a lot a bit more unpredictable. And they also have a longer sphere of influence. Whereas a Full Moon or a New Moon is going to influence us for about a full lunar cycle, a month, approximately, an Eclipse is going to influence us for about six months. So this is why we pay close attention to Eclipses. They're a big deal.

And we are in Eclipse season, even though the Eclipses haven't started yet. My take on the Eclipses is that the theme of them is, what do you value? What do you value and what are you willing to do or to let go of for what you hold dear? And we can see on a global stage that so many people are dealing with this in life-or-death circumstances, but we will also be dealing with this on a personal level. And so I want to acknowledge in the questions that I get for the podcast, which⁠—thank you all for sending questions to the podcast. If you are new here or you just don't know how to send me a question for the podcast, you can go over to ghostofapodcast.com and there is not only a form that you can fill out to send me a question, but there's pro tips to having your question chosen.

I've seen in the questions that I'm getting an uptick in loneliness. I'm seeing in the questions that I'm getting an uptick in a feeling of desperation, of, "When am I going to figure it out? Am I going to be okay? What do I do?" So this is where I want to say to you get grounded, my friends. Get grounded in yourself. Whatever reality you find yourself in, get grounded in it. This is a very valuable time to get grounded because when we're in a state of overwhelm and when we're in a state of fear, we have a habit, us pesky humans, of abandoning the body. And when we leave the body as a way to cope with overwhelm and stress, we're actually more vulnerable.

And so finding a way of connecting to the body, connecting to this earth, connecting to this moment, can be really powerful, not just in the moment but in terms of you making it through this tumultuous period in the healthiest way possible. So I want to encourage you to get grounded and then to reconnect or to connect with your values. And so what that looks like is going to be different for different people, but thinking about, "What is it that I actually value?" Not what are your ideals, not what are your philosophies, but what are your values? This line of thinking is a grounded line of thinking. It's very Taurean.

Try to connect or reconnect with your values, and this will help you to be more grounded, but it will also help you to be more decisive because when we're clear about our values, it becomes a lot easier to make choices. Because we can refer back to our values, it makes it a lot easier for us to be decisive and to be efficient or fluid with our energies. You don't end up wasting a lot of energy fighting yourself. So I want to give you that intention and the stuff to work with.

And if you're feeling lonely and you've had a hard time reaching out to people, I do want to remind you that the first half of this week where we're going to be feeling that Mercury trine to Pluto that's exact on the 6th but we're not yet feeling the Sun opposition to Chiron⁠—so that first half of the week⁠—is the time to reach out to people. Text a friend. Try someone new. Try to make new connections. The astrology supports it. If it doesn't work this time, that's okay. There will be other times.

I'm not going in depth about the topic of loneliness in this moment, but again, I do want to acknowledge how many of you are reaching out because you're suffering with loneliness and how hard that is. And I just want to say I see you, and I am sending you love. And life can be really rough. Life can be hard, and it can also be really beautiful and full of love. It's complicated. Having the ability to stay present with the nuance, with the complication, is really valuable. It's valuable for all of us at all times, but especially when we're going through hard times both as an individual but also in times of collective unrest and distress, as we're in now.

And that, my dears, is your horoscope. This week, there wasn't a lot to report, so you probably don't need me to run through the list of transits, but I'll do it anyways because I like to be consistent. On the 2nd, Mercury goes direct⁠—huzzah. On the 6th, Mercury is trine to Pluto. And on the 7th, the Sun is opposite to Chiron.

As always, if you want to be tracking the transits for yourself and keeping notes of what you experience and what me and other astrologers share with you about these transits in advance, then go over to Astrology For Days, and you can get my astrologer's pro tool for tracking transits like a damn pro. And if you get value from this podcast, please make sure you're subscribed and consider writing a little five-star review. It does make a huge difference over here.

Feeling pain, feeling insecurity, feeling overwhelmed⁠—these are human emotions. And emotions ebb and flow. They come and they go. Do your best to stay present with your emotions without attaching to them. There's a lot of intense energy in the collective, and for all of us that are sensitive, we're bound to feel it. As those emotions come in and leave, it's important to not attach to them but instead to perceive it as information that we're curious about and to nurture ourselves and the world around us to the best of our ability.

All right, my loves. I will talk to you next week. Buh-bye.