Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

I love small businesses. If you have a brand or product that you sell and you would like to run an ad on Ghost of a Podcast, please contact my team at media@lanyadoo.com. Just write an email to media@lanyadoo.com to have your ad considered for Ghost of a Podcast today.

Jessica: Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. What would you like a reading about today?

Guest: Hi, Jessica. I am so excited to be here. Right before the pandemic, I had a major breakup with someone. I lived part time with his two kids. And so we broke up; I moved out and then a couple of months later got pregnant and lost the baby right at the start of the pandemic.

Jessica: That's a lot.

Guest: It's a lot. And then my beloved cat died like two months later, and I was just alone in my apartment where I lived alone for most of the year. And it was just really awful. Eventually, in 2021, I bought a house outside the city and moved, which has been like a nice⁠—a big change. For a long time, in the pandemic, I was just by myself in my apartment and grieving and not really sure how to move through the grief, and for a long time intentionally either trying not to date or trying to date and it was unsuccessful because I wasn't ready.

I feel like I'm intellectually ready to move on and to meet someone new and to start doing that relational processing of the grief by moving on instead of ruminating. And I'm wondering if you see in my chart things about it being a good time to finally let go of things and move on or if you see anything promising about my future partner, because my intention is hopefully to get married, have a family of sorts.

Jessica: And when you say family of sorts, you want to procreate, or is that not⁠—

Guest: I don't think that's biologically an option anymore because of my age, but a family of⁠—whether it's seven dogs and a teenage foster kid or something.

Jessica: Okay. Great. Yes. Okay. So, first, I'm going to share you were born February 15, 1976, 9:30 p.m. in the metropolis of Sherbrooke, Québec.

Guest: Yep.

Jessica: Okay. Let me just start a little bit in the past.

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: So you were going, as of February 21st of 2020⁠—so right on time for the pandemic⁠, you entered into a once-in-a-lifetime transit that will be over on December 9th of this year. So you're not out yet. Yeah. It's a really rough transit. It's Pluto conjunct Venus. And that is the transit that astrologically is related to a sense of isolation, breaking up, mourning, and loss⁠—and in your case, it was losses. It can also be related to disturbances or changes with your hormones or your hormonal health, and losing a child will absolutely just create havoc for many people hormonally.

The Pluto conjunction to Venus is not a great time for dating, TBH. It's not, and it's because you are going through a really profound transformation of your values and your understanding of yourself as a person who dates. So it's very complicated. And in your birth chart, Pluto is sitting on top of Venus, which happens to be a part of a T-square with Saturn and Jupiter. And so, for two years before 2020, you were going through a Pluto square to Jupiter, which to me suggests that⁠—were you with your partner for about two years?

Guest: No. About five and a half years, but it was a lot of getting back together/breaking up initially. And then we moved in together in 2016 and broke up in 2019.

Jessica: Okay. So the last two, two and a half, years were likely kind of complicated because they were triggering some of your biggest issues around how to again be a partner, how to live in collaboration with someone else. Another transit has begun. So Pluto started to oppose your natal Saturn at the end of February of 2021. And that transit won't be over until December 20th of '23.

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: So that transit is not about your love life. It's not about dating. However, because that planet, Saturn, is connected to a T-square which involves Venus, it's inevitably going to feel like it's about your love life in some ways. So, in your birth chart, you have a North Node in the first house. It's hugging the second-house cusp, but it's in the first house. What this means in English is that you have come here in this lifetime in a meaningful way⁠—because the North Node is meant to articulate your soul's journey in this lifetime, and the North Node being in the first house is very much about coming here to figure out who you are and to truly embrace who you are.

And because of this, a lot of times, people with this placement struggle with partnership because it becomes way too easy to start centering your identity around your partner and being overly responsive. Does this make sense to you?

Guest: Absolutely. I've prioritized my romantic partnerships above all else for years and years. Yeah.

Jessica: And it backfires every time.

Guest: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: That's the annoying fucking thing right there, is that it does backfire every time. In your chart, having a Saturn/Venus opposition can indicate that you get into partnership later in life. Okay. Cool. You're already there.

Guest: I'm already there.

Jessica: You're already there, so we're cool with that. But this opposition gives you both the capacity and drive to be in a long-term committed relationship, like to grow old with somebody, to be like, "Yeah, I don't recognize you anymore, but I'm super into you." You've got that in you. It also gives you the priority to make that happen. However, you've got Jupiter and Chiron conjunct in the seventh house, and it's also sitting on top of the Descendant. And what this means is that either you can find yourself in relationships with people who are just takers⁠—they're like, "I need. I need. I need"⁠—people who just change on a dime, and you're like, "Whoa. Okay. Wait. What? I thought we were going left, and you just all of a sudden stopped the car and got out. Wait. What? This is making no sense to me"⁠—or you're that person.

Guest: Yes. I have tended to date a lot of people who need nurturing in a nonreciprocal way, and one significant relationship where someone was really push-pull. I'd like to think that I've been pretty steady, but it's hard to know what you're like as a partner if you're not⁠—you know. So that's the work I've been trying to do the last few years.

Jessica: The way that your birth chart is written, the most obvious interpretation is that you're attracted to partners who are ultimately⁠—they don't think of themselves as selfish, but ultimately their behavior is very "me" centered. It's them first all the time. It's not how they think of themselves, but it looks like that's a lot of the function. And because so much of your preference in relationships is being supportive, like a Venus in Capricorn opposite Saturn in Cancer⁠—yeah, acts of service are part of your love language.

At first, it's great with you. You're cool with it until that's all that it is, and then you're in this Jupiterian soup of things aren't following any kind of consistent structure, which does not work for you. No. Sometimes people project that shit out, and so then it would be you who was doing it. But with you, it sounds like you're nice and literal. Congratulations/weird/here we are. Okay.

So back to this North Node. Here's the thing. What you're going through now with Pluto still on your Venus and with Pluto opposite your Saturn⁠—and I didn't get into this yet, but I will just name and bookmark Saturn is sitting on top of your Sun, which happens once every 29 years. We'll come back to that in a moment.

What the astrology of your chart is saying is that this is the time to figure out who you are and how to break your participation in the patterns of your relationships that simply just don't fucking work for you, which for you inevitably has so much to do with embracing yourself and really getting to know yourself, which⁠, because you've been going through Pluto transits during a global pandemic, which is just terrible⁠—I'm sorry⁠—it's felt awful.

But as Pluto gets off of your Venus, it'll potentially lighten up a bit⁠—hopefully it'll lighten up a bit. Certainly, when Saturn gets off of your Sun, which, again, I'll get to in a moment, things will lighten up a bit. But this is not a great time for being like, "Let's go out on a first date and just see what happens," because you have no chill right now. You just have no chill.

Guest: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. And there is nothing wrong with that. Getting it out of your head that, "Oh, I should be willing to date. I should be over it," is going to be so helpful because part of self-acceptance is about acknowledging yourself and meeting yourself where you're at, even if you don't like it, even if it feels bad. And an old pattern is to have a partner who's like, "Okay. You're tired, and you want to hang out at home. But let's go out and have an adventure," and then you're like, "Well, fine. I guess we'll go out and have an adventure."

And now you don't have a partner, so you might do that to yourself by being like, "Oh, I don't really actually want to date, but I don't want to get stuck in not dating, so I should force myself to go out and have an adventure." But you're not ready is what I'm seeing. Does that make sense?

Guest: It does. It does in a lot of ways, but I feel like something has shifted recently where I think I'm more ready than I have been. And I also wonder, if COVID wasn't happening, would I already be in a relationship? There are a lot of ways that I've stopped myself from making dates or continuing dates because of how scary the world is. And if there's a way to safely connect⁠—because I think I'm really⁠—I've been literally living alone for this entire time.

I have a lover and I have lots of friends, but it's like I feel like I'm on the verge of always Googling, "Is it possible to lose the ability to fall in love?" I just feel a little bit broken. And it used to be the center of everything for me, and I'm eager to have that joy again and that connection. And so the thing that shifts in December, does that have to do with⁠—

Jessica: Yeah.

Guest: Yeah?

Jessica: So the thing that ends in December is the Pluto conjunction to Venus ends on December 9th. Mark it on your calendar. And this will definitely lessen the intensity you've been feeling around your isolation. This feeling that you have of "If it weren't for COVID, would things have been as isolated?"⁠—yeah. Fuck no, it wouldn't have been. There's no way you would have stayed as solitary as you have if it weren't for a once-in-a-century pandemic. In a way, it's the worst possible timing for you for this to have happened. And on the other hand, it's actually the best possible timing for you because you wouldn't have stayed alone with yourself.

Guest: That's true.

Jessica: You wouldn't have. You would have moved quickly into something even though you weren't ready because the Pluto conjunction to Venus is generally so painful that we don't know how to stay alone with ourselves. And so this is one of those⁠—they call it a healing crisis because it's a fucking crisis. And because of your Saturn opposition to Venus in your birth chart, so because of your nature, I'm not surprised that you're like, "Can you stop knowing how to fall in love?" I mean, I feel like that works.

That is very on-brand for your birth chart to have that worry because there is this part of you that's like, "Everything that I'm experiencing is the only thing that I know for sure I can experience." So, if you're having anxiety on Monday, you're like, "I will always have anxiety." But then, if Monday evening you're not having any anxiety, you're like, "You know what? I'm really resilient. I'm fine." You know what I mean?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: It's just like there's going to be that written in stone thing that happens for you. So is your ability to fall in love gone? No. No, it's not. No. Is your concern around COVID healthy and balanced? I don't know. Who in the world knows what healthy and balanced is with COVID? I mean, I just saw that Canada is dropping all COVID precautions, but it's happened here in the U.S. as well, right? So I don't know how one stays safe.

And in your birth chart, you have a Neptune/Mars opposition. Also, you've got Pisces on the sixth-house cusp. And so you're not one to take risks with communicable diseases. That's not your thing. It's not good for you to do. It's like an anxiety machine for you, A, and then B, you are a little bit susceptible to contagions. You're probably the person who⁠—if you're around somebody with a cold, you end up with the cold.

So I think you being really cautious with that is healthy for you physically and mentally. And also, I am hearing you say something really clear, and I agree: something shifted for you. And there's an upcoming New Moon, and it's going to sit right on top of your Uranus. And I bet something else is going to⁠—there's going to be a little⁠—your little oyster is going to get shucked out of the shell. Something's going to shift. Things are shifting and opening for you in many ways. Pre-pandemic, typical you would be like, "Okay. So let's go."

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: And we're still in the pandemic. And also, your heart is still⁠—it's tender. It's like the clay is not dry yet. It's taking shape, but it's not dry yet. So, because of those things, I'm curious about can you create a way of learning how to get to know people that is really different than what you've done in the past but isn't as much of a "Either I'm doing this or I'm not doing this"? Does that make sense, what I'm talking about?

Guest: It does. It does, and mostly because of COVID, but also because dating as a middle-aged person is just such a different experience. And I was in back-to-back monogamous relationships since I was in my early 20s. And so this is really the longest time I've ever been single. This is very new for me, but it's coming up on three years.

So I do feel like figuring out new ways to connect that aren't the traditional "Let's go get drunk and go home together and then figure it out"⁠—I'm trying to be more intentional. I'm trying to be slower. And honestly, I feel like a skittery deer, like I don't quite know what the steps are. But I'm open to figuring that out, I think.

Jessica: I got advice. I got advice. Get ready for it. Okay. Saturn is sitting on top of your Sun at 26 degrees of Aquarius. It started May 20th, and it was active until June 22nd. It will come back at you January 25th through February 18th⁠—so very brief, not even a month. But you're still in this general phase of it. And Saturn conjunction to the Sun happens once every 29 years, and it is a time⁠—a 29-year low point of your physiological and psychological vitality.

This is happening in your fifth house, the house of sex and play. And so this is not an easy time for tra-la-la-ing through life. This is not an easy time for it. So don't be hard on yourself. If I was queen of the world⁠—which we all know I'm not, but if I was, I would have you not putting pressure on yourself to date until the spring of 2023 and then opening it up.

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: Yeah. I would just say, you know what? It's the autumn. It's almost the winter. Shit is cold. Let's lean into that. Then, from this place, I'm going to give you advice. Because you have Venus in Capricorn opposite Saturn, for you, having a partner or a date who shares your values is incredibly important. But you've got this Mars in the eighth house. You've got Jupiter as a focal planet to a T-square and Uranus in the first house⁠—also Pluto on the rise. All these things in different ways say you like to have fun. You like to be spontaneous. You like things to be dynamic and intense. So it's not light. You're not looking for light and easy, but you do want them to be passionately intense. Does this make sense for you?

Guest: It does. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. The reality is what you actually trust and partner with in a successful way is different than that. So what I'm trying to say is what you need is somebody who's incredibly loyal, reliable, somebody who lets you take care of them because it feels loving and not because they don't know how to take care of their own shit. You need somebody who is very respectful of your career, which we haven't named here; we're talking about something different. But Saturn is at the top of your chart, and it is right on top of your Midheaven. Your career is a mammoth part of your life.

Guest: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: And so you need somebody who's incredibly supportive of that. And what that means inevitably is you need time alone. And so maybe they're in another room or they've got headphones on and they're in the same room, but you need time alone. At the end of the day, to have the kind of partnership you're talking about with seven dogs, maybe a teenage foster kid⁠—what it is that you truly need is a sense of "We have the same values around money. We have the same values around how to live. We have the same values around fighting."

That's the shit you really need. And so the truth is, even though it feels different now in middle age and even though it feels different now in fucking pandemic and because you've been single for so long, which⁠—three years is not that long, but for you it's very long, right?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Because of all of these factors, I could see why you'd be like, "I need it to be the way it once was. I need it to be dynamic, to be like girl's still got it." But I would kind of point you in the other direction to see, "Can I slowly get to know a person before we go on our passionate bender moment together?" because you want a partnership, not a boyfriend.

Guest: No. It's true. And you were saying this in another podcast I was listening to earlier about not getting together with the person who you get hot for right away and being more slow and intentional, which is something I've been thinking about in terms of prioritizing that kind of frenetic passion instead of the slow values-compatible person that I connect with and then having that passion build, which is something I haven't really done before but is intriguing to me.

Jessica: Yeah. You've got Sun in Aquarius in the fifth house. You like sex. Again, that Mars, that Pluto, that Jupiter⁠—you like sex, and you like fun adventures. You like getting kind of spun out on someone and excited by them and just kind of being like, "Fuck the world. Let's just do this and see what happens." All of these things are true to your nature. Also, do you date cis dudes now?

Guest: They're at the bottom of the list, but yeah, potentially.

Jessica: It kind of makes you on the pan tip is what you're saying.

Guest: Yeah. I ideally would like to find a butch that I love and settle down.

Jessica: Who wouldn't? Who wouldn't?

Guest: But just Trans men, masculine spectrum is where I go for.

Jessica: Right. Right. God bless the butches.

Guest: Not that I'm equating the two.

Jessica: No. I understand. We're talking about your preferences and who you date. I feel like, also, in a lot of Queer community, that's also very normal. Just get in there; get it done. You test drive the car a bunch of times before you decide to take it off the lot. That's what we do.

Guest: Yeah. Totally. That is our way, especially our generation. Yeah.

Jessica: It is our way. Absolutely. And I'm very about it. I'm very for it. That said, it's a combination of circumstances. We're talking about the pandemic, but even if it weren't for the pandemic, I would be saying at this stage of your life, this is the thing you haven't tried, and therefore it's worth trying. And it's not in any way to say hooking up right away is an error, because it isn't an error. This is why I was like, "This is your nature. This is good." There's also the cultural component, which is, again, good. But it's more about where you're at, and I don't think you really want to be doing this "We're together for a few years and it's tumultuous, and then I'm done" thing.

Guest: No. Not at all. No.

Jessica: I wanted to encourage you to come at this with clarity of intention that reflects how important this is to you because this is really important. And I think that you're somebody who's really good at being a partner. Sun/Venus opposition is great at being a partner. It's about getting into a relationship that is stable enough for both parties and also holds enough spontaneity and space for both parties. That's the magic recipe for you. And it's much easier to get into a dynamic where one person has a lot of freedom instead of both people have a lot of freedom.

And knowing whether or not you're with somebody who's kind of your old pattern where they're the ones who get lots of freedom⁠—you can actually figure that out in the first three months. That's doable if it's not just about the sex and the fun, if you're moving slowly enough. So I will say to you what I say to everyone who has strong aspects between Neptune and Mars or Venus or the Moon. And it's annoying, so prepare yourself, my friend. If you want to bone in the early months, my advice is don't do a sleepover party.

Guest: Okay. And you told me this when I first broke up with my ex, and it really worked. It totally worked.

Jessica: Yeah. It works. It works. I'm so sorry. I'm glad I've told you this before because it's the thing. It's really, for you, the key. It's the key to being able to keep your head. And it's also about asserting boundaries with somebody early on, and that is a really fast way to find out whether or not someone respects your limits and also whether or not someone is capable of hearing the word "no" and being like, "Okay." And that's what you need because when somebody else says no to you⁠—not in all circumstances, of course, but generally⁠—you're like, "Okay. That's a limit. I can respect that. I can work with that." But I don't know that you've had that as much with your partners, and that is something you really need, like really need.

Guest: Yeah. A couple of months ago, in spring, I dated someone for about a month and a half, and I was intentionally trying to be very slow. And I could not figure out⁠—because we didn't have that sizzle-sizzle boning energy, and I was like, "Great. This is perfect." But then I couldn't quite decipher what our connection could be. We ended up not being compatible. I ended up figuring out that I wasn't on the same page as he was in terms of how fast he wanted to move versus me wanting to be slower.

But it did end up leaving me with, "Okay. I did that. I made a boundary. I didn't want to move as fast. We weren't on the same page, so I ended it." That felt like good practice. But do you have any insights into understanding when you actually like someone in the absence of that sizzle-sizzle feeling? Because how do you allow that to build slowly with somebody instead? Because it's not always so clear for me.

Jessica: It's not always clear. And think, also, some people are showers and some are growers. You know what I mean? So I feel like sometimes you can let something build, and then you're like, "Oh, this is platonic. We missed the boat," or, "I could have gotten into this at the beginning, but it would have crashed and burned within three months." Right?

And you're done with the crash and burn. That's fun in your 20s, and then it's heartbreaking in your 20s or your 30s, and we're done. So okay. Here's the good news. Let me just double-check and see if⁠—yeah, I'm seeing this correctly. Here's the good news. I actually don't think this is going to be confusing for you. I only think it's been confusing for you because, A, you've barely practiced, and B, you're impatient.

Guest: Yes, I am. I'm A, B, C. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. Totally. And also, you practiced it with the person that you weren't that into and you could have had sex with a few times, and maybe one of those times would have been fun. But you never would have been that into it because they weren't the one. I think that you're going to feel that unmistakable feeling of "I definitely want to hook up with this person" when it's there. The thing that's confusing is why, because sometimes you want to hook up with people⁠—so I'll just say it right now. I'm looking at you psychically. Sometimes you want to hook up with people because you're like, "I am sexually attracted to this person," or, "I am emotionally attracted to this person." But sometimes it is not about that.

Sometimes it's about you being attracted to their attraction to you. Sometimes it's about you just being excited by the particulars of that dynamic. It's like an adventure, like sometimes you watch a movie to the end even though you're like, "This is a stupid movie. I don't love this movie. This isn't a great movie. I know what's going to happen." But you still jump when something startling happens. It's like an experience. And I feel like there is this part of you that really loves just taking roller coaster rides.

Guest: I am a very fearful person who has never taken a literal roller coaster ride, but I do take emotional risks.

Jessica: You're really emotionally into them, like a lot.

Guest: Yeah. Yeah, in a bad way.

Jessica: I mean in a way that has brought you where you are, and sometimes it's really hurt you, and sometimes it's brought you to some really cool, fun, weird experiences that you wouldn't have had otherwise. So, I mean, we can call it bad, but we could also call it good. I think it's about recognizing that you're willing to be hurt emotionally if it's fun going down.

Guest: That is true. That is true.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah, which is basically what a lot of people feel about roller coasters. It's like, "I don't mind if I puke on myself if I have fun while I'm doing it." We're talking about Jupiter. This is all we're talking about Jupiter. And so I'm very aware that my Canadian accent is ramping up as I talk to you, and I'm just very aware of it. Okay. But I digress. So there is a part of you that is very naturally just like, "I want what I want. That looks delicious. I should eat it. That person looks delicious. I should eat them." This is how you are, and we don't want to change that.

But having the ability to pace yourself⁠—that's the thing that I think we want to shift because I actually don't think you have really been confused when you know you're hot for someone. When you're hot for someone, it's very obvious to you, right?

Guest: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jessica: You're just not hot for all the people. Sometimes you're hot for all the things we just named.

Guest: Yeah. I think I'm incredibly picky, I guess. I don't know if it's picky or if it's just like it doesn't happen very often for me.

Jessica: I think from what I'm seeing is that you are picky for something that you could do more than twice. There is this part of you that⁠—let's say you weren't feeling⁠—you've just come through this really rough year. Let's say there wasn't a pandemic. We're fantasizing, right? Or we're turning back time. I think that there's this way that you could just kind of get in there and get your hands dirty and see what happens with a lot of different people and be okay with that if you were in that playful state of mind.

But now that you actually want something real, now that your heart's been broken enough times for you to be like, "Yeah, I'm not doing this again," now we get to the part of you that is really picky. And I think it's important for us to hold space for all your parts because you run the risk at this age, but also with all the transits you're going through, minimizing or demonizing parts of yourself that aren't bad. And so that's why I'm like, "Let's not say you're picky." I mean, if you know who the fuck you are and you're a grown-ass adult with preferences, we can call that picky, I guess, or we can call that discerning. Let's call it discerning.

Guest: Let's call it discerning.

Jessica: Yeah.

Guest: But yeah. I feel like if I look at my 20s and 30s, I had a lot of lovers and relationships, but I fell in love deeply like three times.

Jessica: Yeah. So you have Pluto conjunct the Ascendant, quite closely conjunct the Ascendant. And that placement often indicates that you don't fall in love quickly or easily, but when you do, it's very deep. And getting over love takes a very long time for you.

Guest: So long.

Jessica: Years and years. It's very hard on you. And again, Saturn/Venus opposition gives you a very serious, kind of monogamous nature. You have very contradicting things about the monogamy thing in your chart, but the Venus/Saturn opposition itself is very monogamous. With that, I'm not surprised that you've fallen in love three times. And falling in love three times does not sound like a small amount of times to me. And this is where, again, you want to hold in context some people never fall in love. Some people fall in love once. And you haven't just fallen in love three times; you've fallen deeply in mutual love three times.

And I think that's a really important detail that would be easy for you to gloss over. All to say I want to be really firm and clear: I can promise you nothing. Life is unfair and tragic. So sorry to say. But I definitely think you're going to fall in love again mutually. Yeah. Do I think it's going to happen in the next six months? I am absolutely not on that train. But I have the⁠—what do they call that⁠—the schedule, the train schedule, in my hand. I got bags. They're not packed yet, but I can see the train happening for you. It's just not this moment because⁠—and this is just to be perfectly frank⁠—because you're not different enough yet to make different choices.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: You are different enough to agree with me, to know what I'm saying, but you're not different enough yet to truly make a different choice. As fucking annoying as it is, it's not bad news. It's just news.

Guest: Right. Okay.

Jessica: So let's go back to this. So did you mention you have a lover currently?

Guest: Yes. So I have someone who I started dating right after my breakup, and then we are now really good friends. We've sort of been very good friends through the pandemic, kind of each other's bubble or whatever. And so we still sleep together occasionally, but we're not an item.

Jessica: Right. Right. Just for your self-esteem, it's very important for you to hear that your description of your experience is "I have been single and alone for three years," but you actually have had a consistent lover/friend person⁠—

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: ⁠—for those three years, which most people who are single don't have.

Guest: True. True. Yeah. That's true. I think it really distinctly does not feel like a partnership. It does feel like a friendship, and I think that's also a little bit because he's a cis guy. He's a Queer cis guy. But I just know that we're not on the same path.

Jessica: When I look at it energetically, it's definitely not a partnership. But again, I will just say it's very easy for us to get caught up in our narratives about ourselves, and in doing so, you can miss out on⁠—throughout all of this, you have had somebody who you've been able to have affirming, fun times with who you also are really clear, "Yeah, you're not going to be my partner. This is not what we're doing." But it's somebody who likes you and wants you and you like and want back, which is [crosstalk].

Guest: Yeah. It's been really lifesaving. Yeah.

Jessica: When I look at it energetically, it looks clean. It may have had moments where it wasn't perfectly clean, but it looks clean to me. And given the astrology you're going through, it's very unusual, very unusual for a person to succeed in having a clean sexual or romantic dynamic during this transit of Pluto conjunct Venus. So, for me as an astrologer, it's like you're doing great given what you're going through. And I get, for you, you're like, "Yeah, but I'm not in a partnership, and that's actually what I want."

But I feel like the more chaste parts of getting to know somebody when you're starting to date them need to be a little longer and a little more innovative for you. And so I often think about this. I had a first date with somebody I ended up being with for many years, but they brought a multiple-choice questionnaire to the date. And I thought, "Well, this is weird, and I'm very into it." I love multiple-choice questions. Now, most people don't, so it was like a weird risk that they took.

Guest: Capricorn thing.

Jessica: Yeah. Such a Capricorn. It was a weird risk that they took that really paid off because not only was it so weird that I was immediately like, "Tell me more, you damn queerdo," but also, we got to know each other in ways that we would never have because there were just such weird questions. So it was really cool. And I often think about that because I think that was a person who was so comfortable with themselves, they were comfortable with me not liking something they did. And it was weird. And also, it really worked.

I'm not recommending get a quiz; bring it with you on all your first dates. That's not what I'm saying. But I am saying that there are things that you genuinely want to know about a person, and there are so many different ways to try to find them out. There's simple things that we can do, but then there's more complex things where you can try to figure out, okay, if you have a history or a pattern of dating people who listen to your fun stories, but when you tell things that are little harder, they glaze over⁠—they're not as engaged; they don't ask questions⁠—make sure you pick one story that's very personal/also not raw that you can share in the first three dates to see if they glaze over or if they ask interesting questions. You know what I mean?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. So it's not a full multiple-choice questionnaire, but it is⁠—

Guest: A strategy.

Jessica: It's a strategy, and it's a strategy for being authentically yourself but also in a way that is self-protective, where you're not actually sharing the most raw thing about you. From what I'm seeing in your chart, everything's cool with the people that you've dated when you're in a good mood and when everything's cool, but they have a harder time when they need to show up for you. And so let's figure that shit out in the first three months.

And I think that what's hard about that for you is that you don't like to show up with your vulnerabilities in certain ways. There's some ways that it looks like you're very open and honest about vulnerabilities and other ways that it's not how you like to start a romantic or a sexual relationship. This is also about recognizing your own patterns, your own participation in the very patterns that you don't like in your life, so that you can tweak them.

I think that if you put yourself out there⁠—and I'm not even sure what that means in 2022, but if you put yourself out there, I do think that you can have fun, weird things with people. Now, I don't recommend it, simply because the Saturn conjunction to the Sun is coming back. So do you remember what was going on for you in June, like the end of May through June?

Guest: End of May through June? Yes. That's when I was starting to have some dates with the person who I wasn't compatible with.

Jessica: Right. So that's the transit that's going to come back end of January through mid-February, right after your birthday. If you can go into it with an honest attitude of "I'm dating to have experiences with myself, and if something more emerges, wonderful. But I'm not going into it for a partner; I'm going into it to see who I am in dating"⁠—if you can go into it with that attitude, go for it. Date before the spring. But if not, I would say wait till the spring.

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: Yeah. But I do think finding people to date is not exactly your problem. It's finding partnership that's the problem here.

Guest: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: And I think it's really important when you talk to yourself about this topic that you remind yourself of that, because if you tell yourself there's a scarcity of options or, "I just have to find somebody who I want to be with who wants to be with me," that's actually not your problem.

Guest: No. And in fact, that's how I've made mistakes in the past. Absolutely.

Jessica: That's it. That's it. And so much of what we're talking about here is how to be really honest with yourself about who you are, where you've been, and what it is that really works for you and what doesn't because if you can be honest with yourself about these things, then you can deal with the actual problem instead of the things that you habitually tell yourself are the problem but aren't.

Guest: Okay. Another thing that was happening around that May/June period was that I decided to stop a communication process with an ex-partner. It was the first time I was sort of like, "I don't want to continue this conversation," which felt good to be the one to initiate that. But I guess I wonder if you see anything in my chart around is that the right way to go about the⁠—I think we were kind of seeking closure and potential mediation. And do I need that in order to move on? Should I keep choosing not to have that involve him? Is that a whole other question?

Jessica: No⁠. It could be, but in this situation, it's not, luckily. It's not, because I just psychically see it so clearly. There's nothing this person is going to give you in a conversation that you don't already know. Any kind of process is a continuation of the dynamic that's over, that needs to be over.

Guest: That's what I was feeling.

Jessica: Yeah. And I can see this so clearly because you know it so clearly. And this part of you that's like, "But am I making the wrong choice? Am I being selfish?"⁠—all that kind of stuff, that's the part that I was saying, okay, you haven't changed enough yet because you're letting this person who's not in your present⁠—right? But you're still letting this person's take on things derail yours.

Guest: Yes. A lot of things he's said and a lot of things that happened still loom large.

Jessica: I see that. It's like walking into a swarm of gnats. It's just like you know it's not going to hurt you, but you can't get away⁠. It's overwhelming is what it looks like. And so I wanted to say this thing that you asked, on the surface, was a completely new question. But when I look at it, it's the exact topic we're on, and you're bringing it up at the exact right moment because you already know the answer. You know it so clearly. And his opinion and his needs⁠—they keep on cracking the door open, and they expand your uncertainty.

And I think being humble and being willing to work on things is really healthy. But when you do that outside of trusting in yourself, it just fucks you. And that's what happens, I think, with the people that you get really serious with and with this person in particular. They heard what you said, and they were like, "Okay, but…" And you were like, "No." And now they're like, "Okay. But seriously…" You've taken care of the situation. You've done a really good thing. What I can see in this moment is that he just doesn't want it to be done, which doesn't mean he wants to be in it. And that's the whole problem. That's the whole problem. And so you need it to be done.

Guest: That's interesting because historically, I've been the one that is not done, and he's been very done.

Jessica: That's what he says. So what I'm saying is that that's the dynamic. You guys are playing this⁠—you're playacting this dynamic, when in fact he's quite needy, and needy with you, even though he doesn't want to do the work to be in it, and he doesn't want to do the work to be in it. He doesn't want you to move on. He doesn't want it to be done. And this is the very reason why he's not the one to be with, because he could be the one to be with if only he was different. And this is like the fucking million-dollar question that we all face in life, is the person who would be perfect for you if only this, this, and this was different is not the person that's perfect for you.

I think you both see in each other all the good things possible between you, but the reality of who you both are⁠—it just doesn't work. And I would say the greatest form of self-care in this situation is to continue to do what you're doing, which is to say, "We have done this. This has been done. I have all the information. There is not new information here. I'm not going to yield new information. He's not going to yield new information," and to give yourself the grace to have grief around and to be sad around that and also to accept it and to not question it, because I wouldn't have said this to you two years ago, but now you're at a place where you know that it's done, eh? Do you know that?

Guest: Well, I think I⁠—well, I know intellectually. I would never⁠—and I think he has said very clearly that he is done. But I think emotionally, I'm just a hanger-on kind of person. So I don't think I'm as done emotionally, and I feel like part of the big question that I asked you today is about the feeling that⁠—and a therapist has said to me about the final stage of really moving through the grief has to involve another person.

And I feel like that's partly why I'm hoping to find someone new to do those final stages of work on myself with because I think I have really done the reflective inner work in the last few years about what my role was in our toxic dynamic, what I did wrong, all of the incompatibility issues that we had. But the final leap, I think, of cutting the cord between us is having a new relationship.

Jessica: Interesting.

Guest: And I don't know if that's true or not, but that's sort of what I've been going on.

Jessica: I mean, I don't want to contradict a therapist, because I'm not a fucking therapist, obvi. But I will say this just to add more ingredients to the soup, I guess, for better or worse. This Pluto conjunction to the Descendant, this North Node placement⁠—I don't believe that you need someone else to fully move on from the last person or the last meaningful heartbreak. You don't need someone else for that. Now, it may be evidence, or it might be not the final nail in the coffin but the coffin going down into the dirt. It might be that.

But I personally don't see it that way as an astrologer looking at your chart. And also, I think it might be a more constructive reframe to say, "I get to put the final nail in the coffin on this. I get to heal this on my own in my time. And also, I'm aware that the next time I'm in a relationship, it will completely shift things in a way that is different." Do you know what I mean? Which is not completely different than what your shrink is saying, but it is⁠—I just can't stress this enough. Your chart articulates that getting to know yourself, to value yourself, and to be able to truly care for yourself, provide for yourself, is a huge deal for you in this lifetime.

And so I worry that the idea that you need someone else in order to move on from your last major relationship is keeping this mental connection, or it's tying your brain your heart in a particular way that's just screwing you. I would not expect you to be over a major love in less than three years, pandemic or not, middle-aged or not. I don't know if you've ever gotten over someone quicker than that.

Guest: I know that I've held on to certain things, but I've always been in a relationship with someone new within a few months, even if I haven't let them go.

Jessica: Okay. This is actually a great moment of evidence because when you've broken up with person you were in love with A/you're now in a serious partnership with person B, are you actually over person A because you're in a new partnership?

Guest: Right.

Jessica: So I'm guessing that's a no.

Guest: I mean, sometimes I have felt very done. But often, that has been because the last two years of the relationship were already⁠—it was already over.

Jessica: I see.

Guest: I did the grieving before the leaving kind of thing.

Jessica: Yes. Pluto conjunct the Ascendant⁠—generally, I give it three years.

Guest: Three years. Okay.

Jessica: Generally, I do. And it varies based on a variety of things in the birth chart and all of that, but generally, yeah. This is the thing. It's like when you have the ability to and you choose to get into back-to-back relationships, everything starts to overlap, and you're like, "Well, was I really, really⁠—I don't know⁠—irritated by this person, or was I just dating the opposite of the last person where they were irritated by me?" or whatever it is. You know what I mean? Asking yourself these kinds of questions is really valuable now because it helps you to get to know yourself.

The going out drinking, waking up, and just powering through your day even though you feel like garbage thing⁠—it works really well before middle age and not well after middle age. Similarly, breaking up from something very real and then just jumping into something else without fully healing and getting to know yourself in middle age⁠—I mean, it's not as cute as it was in the 20s and 30s.

Guest: Or effective.

Jessica: It doesn't work for most people most of the time. And when it does, it costs a lot. And so, as painful as this period is, again, I do want to say I think this is great that you've been here. I mean, again, I feel bad saying that, because I know you're like, "Fuck you. No." But it's what you need in order to make the changes within yourself that you need to choose the person who is stable because what I think, again, is really good for you is being with somebody who's truly stable but is fun and unpredictable⁠—fun and unpredictable instead of selfish and changeable. It's a kind of subtle but meaningful difference.

Guest: Interesting.

Jessica: Part of this for you has to do with your relationship to your own mental health, your own sense of loneliness, an existential sense of loneliness that you may have, and making friends with these parts of yourself so that you're not trying to jump from a destabilized relationship with the self into a relationship with a partner as a way to evade those parts of yourself, because then they just kind of get tucked into the corners of the relationship. And I think that in the last few years, as difficult as it's been, you have been doing that work, eh?

Guest: I have been really focused on trying to keep my head above water in terms of the pandemic anxiety and stuff, but I have been really focused on my independence and sense of self. Yeah.

Jessica: I mean, you bought a damn house. Congratulations. It's amazing. And to me, this is the foundation upon which a future relationship can and should be built. But again, I think where you're at in building the foundation is you have built the foundation, but literally, it's the bare-bones foundation. We're not ready to put a house on it yet. So, for whatever that's worth, I don't see it being years or anything more. And I don't think that means you have to be without sex or fun or dates. But I do encourage you to stay with this work and expect it to be this work through the spring. So go with the current instead of against it is my advice.

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: So I want to thank you for doing this.

Guest: Thank you.

Jessica: Thanks for doing this. It is my pleasure.

Guest: Take care.

Jessica: Thank you. Take care.

Guest: Bye.

Jessica: Bye.

Several governments have restricted access to the internet or implemented surveillance in attempts to control the spread of information. In particular, this is happening right now in Iran, and it's so important that if you're living in a country that doesn't have restricted access to the internet that you do what you can to help. Snowflake helps users avoid being noticed by internet censors by making internet activity appear as though they're using internet for a regular video or voice call. You can help to support people in Iran to bypass censorship by installing Snowflake as a Chrome browser extension. Just go to the Chrome Web Store and search for Snowflake by Tor and install.

COVID-19 is raging again, and healthcare workers need our support. Consider donating to Emotional PPE at emotionalppe.org. They're an organization that provides any worker in healthcare impacted by COVID-19 free mental health services with licensed therapists. Another way you can help is by donating to your local general hospital's spiritual care department and to earmark that donation for staff support. Give what you can.

My loves, my loves, let's get astrological. You know my preambles can be all kinds of things. This week, it's going to be purely astrological because I've been getting a lot of questions from people about the Eclipses that are forthcoming. I always get questions from people who are telling me, "Okay. I see x, y, z transit coming, and I'm freaking out. Tell me what to expect." So I want to address this because that's just not a great use of astrology. I mean, listen. It's a human thing to see something coming and to want to prepare or to project into it.

So let me just start with the Eclipses. Eclipses⁠—Solar Eclipses and Lunar Eclipses⁠—are not something we can do a great job of predicting, and let me tell you why. Trying to figure out exactly what will happen during an Eclipse is like trying to predict when an earthquake will happen and what it'll do. It's just not possible. So we can understand the themes, and we can understand the themes of an individual Eclipse. And then, when we overlay that with the data of your birth chart, we can understand what it is in your personal life that is going to get activated.

But the thing that we can't know is, is it something circumstantial that activates you, is it something interpersonal that activates you, etc.? When we are looking at astrology⁠—when we're looking at Eclipses specifically but transits in general⁠—if you're only considering your personal life and not social or political concerns, this Eclipse or whatever other transit may be a wake-up call because our transits happen in the context of larger things at play astrologically. In a less astrological way, I can say what we are going through as individuals, what we're experiencing in our lives, cannot be separated from the world at-large and what is happening in the culture. It's just not realistic.

So a better use of your energies and of astrology's potential in general is to ask yourself who it is that you want to be, maybe what it is that you want to learn, how it is that you want to show up, that kind of stuff. And we have the Solar Eclipse occurring on October 25th and the Lunar Eclipse happening on November 8th. Because they are happening in the Taurus/Scorpio polarity, a better use of your energies to prepare for these Eclipses is to align with your values⁠—that's Taurus⁠—and to be willing to go deep into your psychological, spiritual, and emotional truth⁠—that's Scorpio.

Being scared of a change that may or may not come, being scared of circumstances that may or may not occur and events that are completely out of your control, is anxiety. And we don't want to use astrology to produce or expand upon anxiety. And honestly, there are a bazillion things to feel anxious about right now, from the climate crisis to all this talk about nuclear war and nuclear activities and so, so much happening in the world all around us. I'm not aware of any nation in this world at this time that is going through a completely stable, easy time. This is an intense time.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is there is no lack of things to feel anxious about. And so what's really important is to not invest in that anxiety through astrology, because that's not going to help you, and it's not a great use of astrology. So, again, return to, "Who do I want to be in this situation? How do I want to show up in this situation?" Striving to be a part of the positive potential, to show up in service on some level to what it is that you want the world to be or your life to be, is a really good move.

Now, another question I get from a lot of people is about "What the hell are values?" because I do talk about values a fair amount on the podcast. And in particular, right now, there's a lot of reasons for us to be talking about values. In particular, one that I return to a fair amount is the transit of Uranus in Taurus and how it really does trigger our values, like who do we value and how do we express that value? So what the hell are values? So I want to talk about that briefly here.

The first thing I want to share is the visual that I always use to describe values from an astrological perspective. In astrology, Venus governs values. Neptune governs ideals. And I think a lot of people get these two things confused or smooshed up. Ideals are like stars in the night sky. They light up the darkness and they can guide us, but realistically, we're never going to reach them. They're out of our control. They're out of reach, whereas values are like streetlamps. They're also things that light up the night sky, but they are reachable. Literally, you could climb a streetlamp. You could get a ladder. And there's light bulbs. They're light bulbs, so eventually, they dim and they need to be changed.

This is the way I like to visually think about values versus ideals. Values are a little more pragmatic. They're a lot more in reach, and they need updating over time in order to light up our lives. On a more pragmatic level⁠—because you know I love to give you some pragmatics⁠—values are our foundational and core beliefs that can guide our behaviors and influence the creation of our goals and priorities. Values. When we are clear about our values, it becomes a lot easier to measure our progress, to make choices in general, because we have something to fall back on: does this align with my values?

Being clear about your values is so important to having a life filled with purpose and figuring out what it is that you truly care about. And when we discover that our behaviors, the core mount of our behaviors and our choices, do not reflect our values, that's when we can really make progress in our lives because if our actions don't reflect our values, we are not happy. That's just how it works. So getting clear about your values, investigating what your values are, is so healthy to do. And this Eclipse season is a great time for getting interested.

Now, one more thing I'll say about this is that when I have a hard time understanding a concept around something like values, something that's kind of like a simple, clear concept but is hard for me to wrap my brain around, what I do is I look up that word in multiple languages and I look up the definition in multiple languages, and that helps to give me a new shape to my understanding of that concept or that word. And that might be something that works for you. It depends on how Mercurial you are whether or not that matches your brain.

But it's something to consider because different languages have different takes on concepts and words, and they can just reshape something, because I feel like in English, but in particular in the U.S., the Christian right has kind of done this really effective job of claiming the concept of values, of Christian values or whatever. And so it's become kind of this buzzword that has lost a lot of meaning for a lot of people. So, anyways, values⁠—look into them. Develop a relationship if you can with the concept of values and investigate what your values are.

And within that, if you can determine what your top values are⁠—and I'm talking about three to five things. Most people do not have many values. We have lots of goals. We have lots of ideals. We have lots of fantasies. But values⁠—it's not too many things. So, once you identify what your values are, when you're making compromises, when you're making choices, you can refer back to them. And you'll find that things get a lot simpler, and it becomes a lot easier to align with choices that are healthy for you, that makes sense for what you actually care about and help you to become the person you actually want to be.

So, all of that said, we're about to get into your horoscope. But connected to this topic, connected to all these themes, I want acknowledge that many of us are feeling gutted by the world and scared because it seems like things are really careening in some frightening directions. And if you are feeling that way, I want to acknowledge you, and I want to say that you are not alone. A lot of people have a real low tolerance for staying with these kinds of fears, these existential fears where it's hard to know how to behave and what to do, and other people have maybe too deep of a tolerance for staying with fears. But I want to acknowledge that things are frightening right now, and that is spiritually, psychologically, behaviorally⁠—it's a lot. It's a lot.

We're talking a lot about this stuff on my Patreon right now and sharing tools and perspectives. And so, if that is something that you think you would gain value from, I invite you to join me over on my Patreon. The link is always in show notes and on my website. It's easy to find. So just want to throw out that resource for you. And also, thank you to everyone who is on my Patreon because I fucking love you guys.

Okay. That said, it's horoscope time. We are looking at the astrology of October 9th through the 15th of 2022, and there are transits most of the days of the week. So there's a lot to get through here, and it starts with a Full Moon, which is always a lot to deal with. Now, this is a Full Moon in Aries, and Full Moons always occur when the Sun and Moon are exactly opposite to each other, so by sign and degree. We need to keep in mind that degrees are very important with astrology. Astrology, my friends, is math. So we have the Moon at 16 degrees and 32 minutes of Aries, and the Sun is therefore at 16 degrees and 32 minutes of Libra. And it is exact at 1:55 p.m. Pacific Time.

Now, there's a lot to say about this Full Moon. The first one is maybe not exactly about the Full Moon, but it is a part of this Full Moon experience. Saturn and Uranus are square to each other, and they're at this time very closely square to each other. They're not going to become exact again, but this is a tight square at this point. And so we are seeing it reflected in the world around us when we're looking at the themes of infrastructure in the world but also when we look at the themes of infrastructure in our lives. I'm talking about how we relate to our own relationship to reality, how we manage our material needs and responsibilities, how responsive and adaptable we are to the needs of our health⁠—mental health and body health.

All of this stuff is very activated by the Saturn/Uranus square. Related to that, whenever I see the Saturn/Uranus square activated, I have greater concerns about COVID. And I'm talking about governmental response but also the response of the people⁠—how we identify our individual needs and whether or not we embody toxic individualism within that, because Saturn's in Aquarius; Uranus is in Taurus. And so I want to kind of bookmark that this Full Moon, because Full Moons tend to bring the shit we're trying to repress up to the surface. That's why people get a little emo⁠—just a little⁠—during Full Moons and act out.

And because this Moon is in Aries, there is a high likelihood that you or someone or someones around you will have sharp, intense emotional reactions and that those sharp, intense emotional reactions are somewhat defensive. And the reason why defensive is because Aries can be a bit of an aggressive or reckless sign. That doesn't mean people who have Sun in Aries are those things; I just want to be clear. But it does mean that during an Aries Full Moon, shit may be coming out of people without a lot of forethought.

Now, in particular, this Full Moon, we have a Chiron conjunction to the Moon and a Venus conjunction to the Sun. And let me tell you about the tension here. The tension is pretty intense because Sun/Venus conjunction in Libra, of all the signs, just wants to get along, wants everything to be okay, doesn't want drama, doesn't want conflict, doesn't want anyone to be riled up. This Sun/Venus conjunction is lovely on paper, but in the context of this Full Moon, it can be quite problematic because the Sun/Venus conjunction inclines us to want everything to be okay and to favor diplomacy and smoothing things over over dealing directly with things.

This is a problem simply because a Moon/Chiron conjunction in Aries, of all the signs⁠—it brings up our wounding. It means that everyone is likely to feel triggered, so triggered. Feeling triggered, but also like you can't speak your mind or you shouldn't speak your mind, can make people who have a tendency to feel victimized feel really victimized and can make people who have a tendency to barrel through things and force their will upon others to do that. And if you are somebody who tends to feel entitled⁠—when you're feeling down, when you're feeling triggered, when you're feeling upset, you feel entitled to act out⁠—then, again, that's likely to be triggered here.

Now, maybe you're a perfect angel and you never have bad feelings and you never act out, because you're perfect. Yet you're still living in the world, and so you might be dealing with someone else who acts out in response to this intense energy. And that can be something deep in your personal life. It can be something deep in the world, or it can be somebody cutting in line and being a total dick and you having a shitty interaction, and it just screws up your vibes and your day. So it can be deep; it can be not so deep.

But the reason why we talk about Full Moons, the reason why so many people who aren't even that into astrology tend to notice Full Moons, is similar to why people tend to notice Mercury Retrograde even if they're not into astrology: because it's evidential, because we tend to feel intense and see evidence of Full Moons when they happen.

And so this one, I want to ground you into the need for staying present with your emotions even as you're feeling triggered⁠—especially as you're feeling triggered⁠—to leverage that Sun/Venus conjunction, to be diplomatic and empathetic and kind to yourself and others when dealing with potential conflicts or struggle, whether that struggle is internal or external⁠—whatever. The opposition between the Libra and Aries forces is ultimately a tension between my needs and your needs, or our needs and my needs. This is challenging, especially because of the Saturn/Uranus square that we're all going through. And that is very tight here.

This is, again, why I gave you a nice, long spiel about values as my preamble for this horoscope, because while this is not a Taurus Full Moon, Venus is the planet that co-rules the signs of Libra and Taurus. So there's this important Venusian theme here which can be about relationships, which is further, actually, articulated by the fact that we're dealing with a Full Moon which is in opposition⁠—and as I always remind you, oppositions tend to get projected out, so they get played out in relationship between individuals or groups of people. We have this Venusian theme that is an important one for identifying the Sun with our values⁠—Venus⁠—as a way to cope with our emotions⁠—the Moon⁠—and triggers⁠—Chiron. You capiche? It's a lot, but I think you capiche.

Just to add a little more complexity to the mix, this Venus/Chiron opposition, which is quite tight⁠—it's not exact on this date. It will be exact on the 10th. But this Venus/Chiron opposition is absolutely an indicator of relationship issues. And again, that might be happening in your psyche, and it might be happening in your personal life or in the personal life of the people you're around and so then, therefore, kind of trickles down to you. It can happen on lots of levels. But on more of a social and global level, we may be seeing crises around the rights of women and people who are not cis males.

Because we're dealing with Venus, we're talking about feminine energies, which is a really big bucket of energies⁠—not exclusive to cis women, of course. And so we may see further crises in regards to oppressive and domineering patriarchal forces as articulated by that Chiron in Aries opposing that Venus in Libra. And this is certainly something we are seeing in Iran, and we're seeing it in the U.S. and certainly in other regions of the world. And it's an important thing to pay attention to in the news. This is a crisis moment. Paying attention to the world around you is good for you. It's good for the planet. So find a way to do it that's healthy and sustainable for you when you can, when it seems appropriate. Okay. I move on.

Now, there's a couple other things that are happening in this Full Moon chart. One is we've got Neptune forming a square to Mars, and the other is Pluto forming a trine to Mercury. Mars square Neptune is not yet exact. It will be exact on the 11th. This energy is demoralizing. Mars is about the body, and it is about assertion. It's the ruling planet to Aries. And Neptune is out in the ether. It's spiritual. And so we can feel truly exhausted under this energy or like, "I can't. It's not going to work"⁠—this demoralized energy. And so, if you're feeling this way, and in particular if you're feeling this way and you're triggered because of the Full Moon, this can lead to some pretty self-harming, passive-aggressive, or just basically anxious things.

So, this Full Moon, I'm going to give you some real strong advice. Simplify things, okay? If you're finding things getting really complicated, you've probably lost the thread. Simplify things. Simplify what you're focusing on. Simplify what you're requiring of yourself to do. Simplify how you relate to your body. Drink buckets of water. Also, make sure you're eating in a way that is good for your body, whatever that means for you, because Neptune/Mars square can just be really disorienting for the body, very ungrounding.

The other thing is don't hang out with your friends that you know are really just your frenemies; they're not really people who care about you or you feel safe with. This isn't the time for that. If you can get your body into nature, if you can do something that you know is soothing for you, yeah, that's a good move. Luckily, the Mercury trine to Pluto, which we talked about in last week's episode, is grounding and fortifying, and it helps us to focus on productive lines of thought if we want to. So it's not going to magically happen, but if you decide, "Okay. I am going to use my self-care or my spiritual tool kit, and I'm going to be really intentional not just on the Full Moon but around the Full Moon⁠—this whole week⁠—around how I engage with my thoughts. I'm going to be really intentional about how I relate to my material welfare"⁠—if you set the intention to do this, you're likely to be very helped by that.

And when I talk about self-care, I want to be clear. Prioritizing your wellness and the relationship you have with yourself is so important. My Lord, is it important⁠—so important. But that's not the only reason why self-care is important. Self-care is important because we are interwoven with each other. When our self-care comes at the expense of others, it's not really self-care. So having communities of people who are right with themselves makes it easier to have empathetic and sustainable communities of people because we can't all be right with ourselves all the time. That's unrealistic.

Life is hard sometimes. It's beautiful sometimes, and it's hard other times. And so, when we are prioritizing our relationship with ourselves, it empowers us to participate with others, participate in the world, in a healthier way because we're living more self-appropriately. So these are all things to think about and nothing that you need to get perfect. I just heard somebody say earlier today this quote, which I always forget about and I don't know who said it, but, "Don't let perfect stand in the way of great." Don't let perfect stand in the way of good. Do your damn best. That's the move, my loves. Do your damn best. This Full Moon may feel a little exhausting. If it does, relax. Find a way to prioritize it if you can.

And that, my friends, brings us to the 10th. On the 10th, two things are happening. Venus forms an exact opposition to Chiron, and that is happening exactly at 6:15 a.m. Pacific Time. Mercury moves back into Libra. So the reason why Mercury is moving back into Libra is because it was Retrograde. It went Retrograde in the zodiac sign of Libra, and then it did its little Retrograde mishigas back into Virgo. And now she's moving on back into Libra. The Retroshade ends on the 17th of October. So the Retroshade⁠—the way that we know it ends is because it finally moves all the way through the degrees that Mercury retrograded through. So it's like now we're working in the shadow of the Mercury Retrograde, and we're going to step into the light, the Mercurial light, on the 18th.

So okay. Venus opposite Chiron⁠—let's talk about this a little more in depth. This transit is a little bit tricky because it brings up a lot of pain, or it can bring up a lot of pain. And it does so because it triggers our issues around self-love. So a common thing that will happen under this transit is that you will find yourself in a situation where you're focusing on what the other person did or didn't do, what the other person said or didn't say, your ex that moved on and what it means, or your friend who didn't invite you to something and what it means, or whatever. It can also bring up really intense stuff from your past around trauma, trauma that you've endured and survived.

The opportunity of this transit is healing. When it comes to Chiron, it's always healing. But it's like the only way through it is through it. And so this transit may bring up fears around not being good enough, fears around self-love and whether or not you feel right with yourself. It would be very tempting this week in general, and specifically on and around this date, to take it personally when other people hurt your feelings. And you know what? It might be personal. It might be that they are capable of doing right and they chose to do wrong. But chances are high, and it's certainly worth investigating, that it's about them.

When people do you dirty, it's a reflection on them and not you. When you hurt someone else, that's a reflection on you and not on the person you're hurting. This transit can highlight the ways in which we need to prioritize self-love by putting us in contact with the ways in which we don't. Whenever it comes to Chiron, we are meant to stay with the shadows, to stay with the painful parts. Learning to love yourself, learning to recognize when you have no contact with liking or loving yourself, is really valuable, and it's worth investigating. So this Venus opposition to Chiron⁠—which, again, is exact today on the 11th but is very active in the Full Moon chart⁠—is confronting, but it's also really valuable.

Now, another layer on which this transit can play out is around your finances because Venus is related to your personal finances and the shit that you own. And so, if you have a complicated relationship with those topics⁠—who amongst us does, right? Money's chill, right? No. Sarcasm. Sorry. That was sarcasm⁠—then that might also come up and get triggered this Venus opposition to Chiron. When we allow our values to be informed by the worst things that have happened to us and the worst people we've been in contact with, it's almost like we are getting twisted up in the very energies we want to have out of our lives.

And so this Venus/Chiron opposition and Full Moon is a very good time to check in with your values, to make sure that they are not exclusively or maybe even at all a response to other people's bad behavior. To the best of your ability, honor your pain by allowing yourself to experience it. But don't take it on as an identity in such a way that you lose access to your own inner resources and you get stuck.

This Venus opposition to Chiron⁠—it's tricky, and it's difficult. And luckily, Mercury moving back into Libra can be a support for taking a bit of a balanced view of things. So it can get in the way of being really willing to get dirty or too messy, but hopefully the Full Moon in Aries will counteract that and bring us to a place where we can seek balance. And seeking balance doesn't mean achieving balance. It just means prioritizing it in your viewfinder, looking for it, so that when you access it you can recognize it for what it is.

Now, that, my friends, brings us to the 11th. On this date, we have an exact square between Mars and Neptune. And this transit is the start of something long term and annoying, so bear with me here. The first thing you need to know is that Mars is going Retrograde at the end of this month. And that is something I will talk about soon enough, not in this week's episode because there's too much going on. But because Mars is going Retrograde, it happens on October the 30th, and it will go direct January 12th, 2023.

This particular transit of Mars square to Neptune is an incredibly important one to pay attention to because we are in the Retroshade of this Mars Retrograde. This transit will again be exact on November 19th in the Mars Retrograde. So November 19th, this transit will reoccur, and then again⁠—yes, again⁠—on March 14th of 2023 in its Retroshade. Mars will remain in Retroshade from January 13th of 2023 through March 15th of 2023. And so this Mars square to Neptune is giving us a lot of information about what to expect from the Mars Retrograde.

But maybe more importantly and more practically speaking, whatever it is that comes up for you or the world itself this Mars/Neptune square⁠—which we've honestly been under the influence of for over a week now⁠—whatever it is that comes up is not going to go away. In fact, we're going to be dealing with these themes through the spring of 2023. So we really want to pay attention to what comes up this transit. This is not the time to phone it in. This is not the time to phone it in. So let me talk to you a bit about what this transit is likely to do.

From my perspective, Mars and Neptune are the two planets that are the most different from each other in all the zodiac. Mars is the body, and Neptune is not about embodiment. Neptune is the ether, and we are all connected, and we are all cousins, and it is high spirituality. Mars is my needs, my timeline, what I want for me; I'm going to take it. So you can see how when these two planets form a challenging aspect like a square is, we can have a little bit of problems, right? A little bit of problems. Here are some common things that happen under a Mars/Neptune square.

The first is exhaustion. Neptune drains energy out of the physicality of Mars. Mars can feel kind of inspired or excited by Neptunian energies, but it can often lead us nowhere. So, under a Mars/Neptune square, what will often happen is you'll feel low energy, low vibes, and that can, as a result, lead to all kinds of things like demoralization, feeling really easily overwhelmed or overstimulated on a physical level⁠—and this is in particular if it hits your birth chart specifically. But on a physical level, it can lead to challenges to the immune system, just basically feeling a low vitality.

And if you have a tendency towards phobias or insecurities or exhaustion, this transit can stimulate that. This particular transit is happening at 23 degrees. So Mars is at 23 degrees of Gemini, and Neptune is at 23 degrees of Pisces. So, if you have anything on or around those degrees, in particular of mutable signs but anywhere in your chart, you want to pay attention. This transit can make us feel paranoid. And the reason why it makes us feel paranoid is because Neptune increases anxiety by confronting us with what we don't know, with uncertainty, and often a sense of helplessness.

So you can find yourself just really expecting the worst. And it is certainly possible that lies can come up, and let me just give you a very serious pro tip here. The astrology of this whole week, but certainly the Mars square to Neptune, is a shit show for talking behind people's backs and gossiping, especially mean-spirited gossip. Just don't do it. This is not a time where you can assume your shit-talking will stay between you and the person. It's just not⁠—I mean, it's not nice to shit talk, but also, yeah, it's not likely to go well for you or anybody else. Yeah. Rein that shit in. Rein it in.

This transit, because it's discouraging, because it's overwhelming or confusing, it can lead us to doing things that are really not healthy, from concerning self-harm to mindless scrolling and you're like, "I just lost a whole day." It can really run the gamut. But what is the best thing to do is to acknowledge your negative feelings if you can. I'm a big fan of ranking it on a scale from 1 to 10⁠—where is it at?⁠—and then making a choice. "Do I want to deal with this? Am I in the right place to deal with this? And if not, what is it that I can do to bring myself to a greater state of neutrality, inner balance, peace, whatever it is?" And that might mean choosing to not think about anything. It might mean any number of things depending on your situation. But it is going to be important to recognize your own motivations and to take responsibility for your own behavior or lack thereof.

Because Neptune is associated with a victim mentality and Mars is so aggressive, this transit can really find us dealing with passive aggression, whether it's within ourselves or with others. So don't be the drama, this Mars square to Neptune, to the best of your ability. And if you find you are the drama, then do what you gotta do to acknowledge and repair. If you're on some sort of campaign to undermine someone, be it yourself through self-harm or others, it is not likely to go well. I cannot express this clearly enough. It's just not likely to go well. So rein yourself in.

You may be feeling jealous. You may be putting other people on pedestals. You may be in a place where your insecurities are really coming to the surface, or someone else may be dealing with those feelings. And when humans feel insecure and less than, we tend to act out. Most of the time, it's not that we're trying to act out. It's just when you feel fucked up, it's hard to act from a healthy, happy place.

This is a time where you may need to really work on something I talked about in the context of the Venus/Chiron opposition, which is not taking shit personally even if it is happening personally to you⁠—in other words, acknowledging, "This person is acting weird or they're acting out, and this is not about me. How I respond is about me. This is about them." So maybe it changes how you feel about them. Maybe it changes your conduct around them. But you don't want to personalize it and say, "They're acting weird around me because of me," because that can be a bit of a paranoid assumption. And if you have doubt, just ask, "Hey, is something going on with us? Is there something that I need to know?" There's a million ways to frame that kind of a question depending on the relationship and depending on your nature, but it's a good one to do.

Don't make assumptions, because they're likely to be quite negative under this transit. The best thing we can do under this transit and the great opportunity of this transit is to infuse our ego with more spiritually elevated motivations. This can help us to have a sense of purpose or meaning behind what we do. So, even when we struggle or we falter, if we have a spiritual connection, there can be a sense of, "Well, it's okay. This is just a part of the path," not, "This is a treatise on my capacity as a person."

Oftentimes, when we're dealing with Neptunian energies⁠—which, again, we will through the spring⁠—what we need to do is deal with what is present because if we're too attached to our assumptions about whatever or to the future, we tend to have more of that Neptunian anxiety. So striving to be unattached and present is seriously such a good goal at this time because it makes it easier to simplify, to focus on what we're doing as we're doing it, to allow ourselves the gift of acknowledging, "I can't do all the things at any given time. I can only do one thing, three things tops," ⁠whatever it is, and giving yourself permission to be a human⁠—to be a human, right⁠?—and to have limitations. To work with that is really what our spirituality is meant to empower us to do, to have acceptance of who we are and where we are at so that we can show up the best ways we know how for ourselves and the people around us.

Now, in regards to the Mars square to Neptune, this is bad news, unfortunately, for a lot of social justice-oriented or social injustice movements because Neptune can be quite a spiritual extremist. To make matters more complicated, Jupiter moves back into Pisces at the end of this month. So, because this is a several-month-long transit, essentially⁠—it won't be active 100 percent of the time, but it is on, really, through March⁠. And Neptune as well as Jupiter in Pisces can be associated with religious extremism. And in particular, because we're dealing with Mars, we're talking about things being enforced aggressively or things that are essentially patriarchal. They are things that center maleness and come from males or male energy.

So, again, there is an important call to identify and advocate for the rights of women and everyone who is not a cis man. We've been going through this⁠—it's not been exact yet, but we've been going through this transit for over a week now. And so you can already get a sense of what's going on and what to expect. Frail egos, and in particular frail male egos, may have a really tough time in this transit. Unfortunately, when frail egos⁠—especially the frail egos of men with power⁠—are threatened, they tend to act out and act out in ways, because of Neptune, that are justified by spiritual ideas or concepts.

This is why I have been thinking a lot more about the new-age to alt-right pipeline, the new-age to white supremacy pipeline, that exists and has always existed, but in particular in this very digital age is a serious threat. And that's something I want to talk about more on the podcast because it is so important. And in particular, it will become more important during this transit, in my view. So these are all things for you to be paying attention to.

But again, on a more personal level, try to be curious. "How is this playing out in my life? What's coming up? Is it coming up inside of me, or is it coming up in the people around me or the world around me?" Pay attention. Find ways of staying present so that you can respond in a way that reflects your values, that reflects your goals and empathy, kindness, your humanity. And for astrology students, I just used key words for Taurus/Venus, Mars, and Neptune.

Now, something else that's happening on the 11th is we have a Sun trine to Saturn. This transit is stabilizing. It's a stabilizing transit where we can focus our energies and get shit done, especially practical things. This is a transit that's really helpful for coping with reality⁠—yay. So I really love it that this transit is happening on the same day as the Mars square to Neptune because it implies that we will be able to, if we really try, get grounded, get real, and get a little organized. So, if you're a Dear Diary kind of fella⁠, much like myself⁠—you like to keep notes; you like to keep track of your experience⁠—please do. This week is a very important one for tracking your experience, your thoughts, your feelings, your goals, your insights, all that kind of stuff, because a lot of what's happening now will stay with us.

On the tip of tracking transits that happen over the course of time, on the 12th, we have a last pass between Mercury and Jupiter. Now, as you may remember, I've talked about this transit a fair amount because the last times it happened were on September 2nd and then September 18th. So this is our last hit of this particular transit. You've been hearing me talk about this transit for a long time, so I won't say too much about it except for to say this is the closure of a cycle that began at the start of September, and it is a big part of what we experienced through the Mercury Retrograde. We are still in the Retroshade.

And so, within that, shit that went sideways for you during the Retrograde may kind of reemerge on the 12th or around the 12th. And this is okay. You want to deal with it. It may have been a little sloppy. There may have been misunderstandings, that kind of thing. Just deal with it. If there's a major news surge on this day or if there's gossip passed your way, don't believe what you hear right away. Mercury opposite Jupiter is a little messy. We want to be on the lookout for propaganda. We want to be on the lookout for overeager communicators. So there's no shame in making sure you know what you're saying before you speak a thing. Do a little research. Pause. Take a moment.

So Mercury opposite Jupiter may bring up fun social experiences. It may put you in contact with people in a way that's just a little spontaneous and exciting. And it may bring gossip your way⁠—again, avoid, avoid, avoid. And it may make you just generally feel a bit restless and like you want to have an adventure or you want to explore things or just hang out with people. This is not the greatest transit for concentration, so if there's something that requires a lot of focus from you, don't schedule it the second half of the week, honestly. I mean, this whole week is not great for concentration, but in particular, the 11th and 12th is kind of shit for it.

So work around that if you can, and if you can't, then just know that you should do whatever you can to support your physical body and your mental health for concentration. So, for me, that means avoiding certain foods and eating others. It means remembering my breath work, remembering my spiritual tool kit, that kind of shit. So, whatever that means for you, do it because you know what? This little astrological weather report is just a resource for you to prepare for the weather. And if you don't need it, fabulous. But if you do need it, thank goodness you did it. Right? Okay.

Mercury opposite Jupiter is generally a transit where we feel pretty optimistic. Maybe we overestimate things and we're little too broad-minded, but it tends to be quite an optimistic transit, so there's nothing you need to truly worry about. Just, if you're going to jump in a pool, make sure there's water first. Don't overestimate yourself or others, and do your best to do a little bit of due diligence before making any bold statements or bold moves. This would be true at any time with a Mercury opposition to Jupiter, but it's especially true with that Mars opposition to Neptune, like for realsies true, okay? So that's something to pay attention to. If you're a writer⁠—I don't know if I've ever said this about this transit, but if you're a writer, this is a great transit to do a little creative writing. It's a real nice one for that.

Now, there's only one more transit for me to tell you about that is exact this week, and it's a Venus trine to Saturn. Venus trine Saturn is lovely. It is the exact thing we need right now. It is grounding and stabilizing⁠—Venus values/Saturn reality in a nice relationship. So this transit can help us to deepen our relationship to our values. Yay. It can help us to organize our finances. Yay. It can help us to organize our closets. If you need to do a little spring cleaning, this is definitely the transit to do it. This part of the week is the better time for doing that.

This transit can help us to⁠—if you've got to be a little bit humble or if it's important to initiate some sort of soothing or healing connection with someone after the Full Moon mishigas, Venus trine Saturn is good for it because it's a great transit for being humble, for taking responsibility, and expressing care in material ways, which is really cool. This transit can be wonderful for relationships, for, again, fortifying a connection, but also, if you meet somebody and there's some sort of a spark, whether it's platonic or romantic or business relationship, this transit is a really good sign. It's a sign that there is kind of a grounded potential between you and the other party or parties.

And I say this even though Venus and Saturn are both in air signs. Because they're both in air signs, it gives us more of a little bit of excitement, a little bit of innovation, but they are still very grounding planets for us to be dealing with in regards to our relationships, our finances, and our values. So this is fucking fabulous. You can use it to recover and rest and to care for your body, to care for the things that are important to you, or you can use it to put yourself out there. This transit doesn't have a single negative connotation to it, so huzzah for that, my friends.

So this has been a lot. I'm going to go through all of the transits one more time if you are a notetaker⁠—which I do. I do encourage taking notes. I always publish the transcript to each episode on my website at ghostofapodcast.com. It comes out within 48 hours of the episode itself. So you can always check the transcripts if that's an easier way for you to process all this data.

Let me run through the transits. On the 9th, we have a Full Moon in Aries, and it's exact in the middle of the day at 1:55 p.m. Pacific Time. On the 10th, we have an exact opposition between Venus and Chiron, and Mercury moves back into Libra. On the 11th, the Sun is exactly trine to Saturn, and Mars forms an exact square to Neptune. On the 12th, Mercury forms its last opposition to Jupiter in the trio of transits that we've been experiencing this Mercury Retrograde/Retroshade time. And then, on the 13th of October, we have an exact Venus trine to Saturn.

And that is it, my friends. I mean, it was a lot. That was enough. It was enough. But that's it. Thank you so much for joining me for another week of Ghost of a Podcast. It's Episode 280. It's a lot of episodes. I'm very excited. And as a person pretty obsessed with values, I hope you get value from this podcast. And if you do, please do make sure to hit that Subscribe button and leave a review wherever it is that you listen.

I hope you take good care of yourself and others this week and every week. And I will talk to you next week. Buh-bye.