Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

Jessica: So, L, welcome to the podcast.

Guest: Thank you.

Jessica: I'm very excited/emotions to give you this reading. So will you please share what you would like a reading about today?

Guest: Yes. Thank you so much. I, too, am excited and emotions. And that emotion is anger. So I wrote you as I was coming out of experiencing COVID-19 for the first time, and I am immunocompromised and had avoided it, and then had it. And during that time of literal heat and fever, I just felt even more enraged that society is not doing more to care for each other and to avoid this and take this seriously. And I guess the root of my question is, how do we hold that anger that is real and righteous and worth experiencing while trying to also live a full, happy, grounded, open life? I'm angry at people who don't wear masks. I lost friends and family over how they choose to party and be. And I don't want to get over it, but I want more balance.

Jessica: Yeah. First of all, I'm sorry⁠—

Guest: Thank you.

Jessica: ⁠—that you got COVID and that you're just going through this. And I chose this question; it's such an important one, but also, I haven't had COVID myself. And I'm not immunocompromised, but I feel that same anger and upset, and it's very hard to reconcile. And so part of why I chose this question was to help you, of course, but also to be like, "Can I find some answer in this as well?" because it is really hard to see a society just decide, "We're moving on. People who are immunocompromised, young people, old people⁠—whatever⁠—deal with it yourself. We're fine." It hurts. It really hurts.

Guest: Yes. Yeah.

Jessica: So that's actually where I want to begin. And I'm going to share just your birth date and year, correct? That feels good?

Guest: Yes. Yes. Thank you.

Jessica: So you were born June 21st, 1985.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: So the first thing I saw when I pulled up your birth chart is that you have a stellium in Cancer.

Guest: Yes, I do.

Jessica: Okay. So we've got Mars in the twelfth house conjunct your Ascendant and Mercury conjunct your Ascendant in the first house, all in Cancer. And so it's really important to start with the ferocity and clarity of your emotions is always big because the ferocity is Mars; Mercury is the clarity. You've got words. You've got ideas to back it up. And it's not just that you feel so strongly, which you do, but it's also that you wear it on your chest because even though your Mars is in the twelfth, it's conjunct the Ascendant. Mercury is in the first. We're talking about things that people can see. So it's not like you can be like, "Yeah, I'm pissed about this, but I'm going to go and have a good time." That's not you.

Guest: No. No.

Jessica: That's not you, nor should it be. But I think it's really important to acknowledge that⁠—and this is like the classic Cancer "hard shell on the outside, soft, soft, soft skin on the inside" stuff, is that you're pissed and you're angry because it's easier than feeling hurt and heartbroken, which is actually what's going on.

Guest: Yes. Yeah. Just diving in, huh?

Jessica: Yeah. I mean⁠—sorry. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. I was just like, "Oh"⁠—I think you even used an anger word as the title for your question when I read it. And I was like, "Yeah. Me, too. I'm pissed." And then I looked at your chart, and I was like, "Oh." It's easier to be pissed off at your friends and community than it is to just feel torn open and sad about it. So, for me, that was also like a, "Oh, right. I'm sad. Oh shit. We're sad. This is sad."

Guest: Such a time of grief.

Jessica: It's such a time of grief. There are so many things, so many things that have been touched or destroyed through this period of COVID, which is not even slightly over.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: So I want to just acknowledge that the primary response you're having around anger is a great coping tool, and it also is not a great coping tool. I think it's important for us to start with the ways in which your anger is protecting you. It's making your Cancer crab pinchers sharp, and it's keeping you feel safe. And even though the anger is no way to live, and I'm clearly hearing you say⁠—and when I say clearly, I mean you're being verbally but you're also being energetically clear as you say, "I don't want to be pissed off all the fucking time."

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: In this exact moment, if we were to just rip the anger from you, I don't know it's better for you to be sad, to be sad at the level you're sad. And that is something that I think that there's a solution for. I think it's more about recognizing this is where we are. And when we look at it from more of a Lunar emotional perspective, I'm going to say to you what I actually said in⁠ a—I gave a quick answer to someone in one of the episodes where I answer many questions at once, and something that I tried to tell myself, which is that there are some people who are just straight-up assholes. There are some people who are walking around being like, "Fuck everyone. I don't care." But most people, and probably most people in your life, are not those people.

Most people are doing the best that they can do, and much like your anger is the best response you can embody because walking around heartbroken would be too devastating, a lot of people have disassociated. They have made the decision that their comfort and their ability to live a "normal" life is well deserved after whatever it is that they lost or gave up during COVID. It is very hard when you are somebody who is super associated, as you are, or somebody who just has no choice. If you're immunocompromised, you just have no choice but to be really careful during COVID.

It's really hard to be like, "Okay. Well, they're doing the best they can do. We're all doing our best." But I think it's important to acknowledge that there are not going to be tidy answers to this question. It's such a messy time and a messy situation. So that was my starting point. I've got something else I really want to get to in your birth chart, but before I do, I want to psychic you if I can.

Guest: Sure.

Jessica: So will you say your full name out loud? Give me all your names.

Guest: [redacted]

Jessica: That's not your full name. What are you missing?

Guest: Maybe a spiritual name?

Jessica: What's your mother's last name?

Guest: [redacted]

Jessica: There it is. Okay. Hold on. Let me just ground into you. So part of what I'm seeing is that you're struggling with acceptance. You're struggling with acceptance that you still have to be here because you don't want to be here, and you're struggling with acceptance with your own choice. And part of what I even see is that if you were not immunocompromised, how much harder it would be for you to be making this choice. This is not a choice that you're like, "Yeah, this is what I want." This is like, "This is what I need." And this feeling kind of bullied by circumstance, it's fucking with you. Does that make sense?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: If we pull back and we then consider, from other people's perspectives, if nothing is making them mask up and be really considerate of people who are immunocompromised or who just don't want to get sick, you can understand how you would probably make different choices. Maybe not 100 percent different choices, but you'd make different choices because of how fucking sick of this you are.

Guest: Yep. That resonates on a level of⁠—I always post and talk about and encourage masking, and then I want to be like, "You think I like the mask? I don't like it. I like my face," although sometimes it's great to be able to just hide your face.

Jessica: 100 percent agree. Yeah.

Guest: I'm like, "Oh, people have to earn my whole face now." But I still don't actually like the mask. It just is so clear to me that it's such a simple way to take care. And another thing that resonates is when you said, "You don't want to be here," I had a moment of, "Here where?" And then I don't want to be actually in white supremacy and capitalism and all of the other things that underlie this experience. And that is where I'm like, "Oh. I can work my whole life to take it down. I can live in radical ways that I believe in, but I'm actually going to breathe every breath inside of white supremacy and capitalism, most likely, my generation." And so that's where I don't want to be, too. And that⁠—I'm like, "Do I have to accept that, though? How do we…"

Jessica: You're really naming something very deep here and very collective. This highly individualistic, this toxic individualism that even exists in "progressive" spaces and spaces of all kinds, it's like gasping for air in an oppressive situation where you can't get a full breath. It is so difficult to live within the many systems that are under the umbrella of what you're naming. And do you have to accept it? You don't have to do anything. Let's start with that. You don't have to do shit. And then the other thing is if you don't accept it⁠—so let's start with acceptance. Acceptance is not consent. It's awareness. Yeah. Yeah.

Guest: I'm going to run that back when I listen to this.

Jessica: Thank you. It is just being here in self-awareness of what is in this moment. It's not contributing to what is. It is not choosing it. It's simply being aware of it. And when we are in a state of resistance, it's like we are pushing away from the thing that we are in. So it literally creates resistance, which takes away energy from whatever needs to happen to cope, move forward, build, whatever⁠—rest. Whatever it is. And so do you have to accept it? No. You never have to accept it. And also, you've just described an awareness that is, "This is where things are and they are likely to remain." I mean, they'll change within it, but likely to remain within your lifetime. So how does not accepting it serve you?

Guest: Yes. I just⁠—so I'm 37, and literally in the last few months, I was like, "Oh. Wait. Staying poor is not actually an effective resistance to capitalism."

Jessica: Correct.

Guest: I'm actually very brilliant. I'm worth a lot in my consulting and freelance work. I need to be more expensive. And I don't like capitalism, so I try not to participate, but that's not real. I get to actually have abundance even though I don't want to have to have it. But since I do have to have it to be well in this⁠—

Jessica: Yes. I'm glad you're bringing this in because it might seem to some people hearing this that we're shifting gears in conversation; we're not. We're not. We're talking about unjust, unfair circumstances, whether it's brought by a bunch of fucking old white dudes or it's brought by a pandemic, climate crisis, time, whatever⁠. Whatever systems we're talking about, forming acceptance means that you find a way to be abundant, powerful, effective, peaceful, whatever it is⁠—and hopefully we get a little bit of all those things at different moments, and they ebb and flow.

But I really do agree that having anti-capitalist values doesn't mean you therefore have to suffer under the boot of capitalism. There are ways of thriving financially without putting your boot on anyone's neck, and that takes so much more care. But within the care, first we need the acceptance. This is a system that is built for men who want to⁠—well, people who want to stand on the backs of others.

Guest: Yeah, who are okay with that.

Jessica: Yeah, who are cool with that, who are cool with that whether doing it directly or indirectly. And this is the same thing as people not wearing a mask and telling themselves it's fine because they're at a bar and everyone else is not wearing a mask, so everyone's obviously cool with it, when you don't know that everyone's cool with it. It's just that people go along with the systems that are presented to them. They go along with what's the greatest ease. And in order to have⁠—whether we're talking about COVID stuff, economic abundance⁠—we must first accept and understand where we're starting from because by understanding and accepting it, we can start to navigate it in a way that is ethical and in a way that is sustainable.

And this is where it brings me to another part of your chart. Okay. You've got Venus conjunct the North Node in Taurus in the eleventh house. This placement means that in a profound and meaningful way, you have come here in this lifetime to identify your values, to embody your values in the material world, not just the spiritual world. You have Neptune in the sixth house. You've got the Sun and Mars in the twelfth. It will be very easy for you to keep in the woo. And you know I love the woo. But that's not what you've come here to do.

You've come here to figure out how to do what you're doing, which is saying, "It is within my ethics and my values to mask up, not just for me, but for other people who are vulnerable. And therefore, it is my choice, and I accept my choice even though I also have other emotions." And I don't want to⁠—I was like, I was about to move too fast, but I'm seeing how this is foundational to hold all the emotions because I think what's happening for you when you're enraged or just distracted by how fucking frustrating everyone is being, it's that you forget that you're making a choice and that the choices you're making are right for you physically but also spiritually, psychologically⁠—all of it, right?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Because this conjunction is in your eleventh house and it's intercepted in your eleventh house⁠—I don't know if you noticed this is a little interception here⁠—you will inevitably lose friends over this. And that's beautiful. I mean, it's not fun. I didn't call it fun. But a lot of things that are beautiful are not fun. It's exactly as it's meant to be because if people are not aligned with your values, they're not aligned with you.

And that doesn't mean that everyone is your enemy who was once your friend who you are recognizing that you're unaligned with. And I think there have been so many shifts socially/politically separate from COVID, although encompassing COVID, that have clarified where people really stand, the difference between their theoretical views and their deeply held beliefs. And it does come down to what we do in many ways.

Guest: And actions. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. There it is. And so, for you, this is a calling. And all that Cancer stuff in your chart is like, "Yeah, but they're hurting my feelings and I'm pissed."

Guest: Yeah. Wow.

Jessica: And that's fair.

Guest: I mean, Jessica, I didn't tell you this or it's not in my letter, but I'm literally in a dual-degree master's program right now that is at seminary getting an MDIV, a master of divinity, and social work for therapy and trauma because I am interested in, how do we embody our spiritual understanding in our healing work? What is the action that aligns with the belief? And I'm losing it a little bit. It's hard because I'm not seeing it. I'm not seeing it in a lot of places. And I'm excited to be in this work, and it may be the forefront of that, but it's⁠—wow. For you to say that is what I'm here for, I'm like…

Jessica: It is what you're here for. If I tried to pick a perfect career for you, it wouldn't have occurred to me to pick that career because I didn't know that was a career. But that's the career.

Guest: Wow.

Jessica: That's the perfect path for you. But then that makes this conversation all the more important because you will, month after month, year after year, see what you're seeing now, people who are allies but not accomplices, people who at the end of the day forget, or they care, but they don't pair their caring with action, partially because no one else is doing it, because they're just not that kind of assertive⁠—there's a million reasons why people fuck off. And if you personalize any of them, this will be very hard work for you to do.

And all that Cancer in your chart makes it hard for you to not personalize it, because it is personal when it literally is happening between you and a person. What's more personal than that? But holding space for people are showing you who they are and you must accept it⁠—you do not need to consent to it. You do not need to participate in it. And sometimes you're going to make the choice to participate and to consent because life is complicated, and some relationships are worth holding on to even though you're like, "Yeah, and I lost respect for you, and you haven't gained it back." And that's what's true. And the more you can accept, "I have this dear friend, and I don't respect them anymore in a really powerful way. I still love them, and I respect them in other ways. And that feels messy to me, and I need to sit with my messiness around it," the easier it'll be for you to navigate this.

This is not letting people off the hook. This is giving yourself space to be messy. And this is what's complex because this North Node Venus is in Taurus. Taurus wants things to be secure and tidy and pretty. And you've got Pluto and Saturn intercepted in Scorpio. So, for you, the thing that undoes you is messy. And it's not like you don't like mess. You do. But Scorpionic mess, it really⁠—it is either like your happiest place or your most miserable place. When you step into the mess and it really⁠—it hurts your feelings, it insults you, it feels disrespectful, whatever it is, you have a tendency to go into judge, jury, and punisher.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Fucking Saturn and Pluto. And you don't like that in yourself. It doesn't come across chill to others. It doesn't invite them into the dance of integrity or whatever, right?

Guest: Right. It's not transformative justice.

Jessica: No. No. No. It's not. I think that's a safe statement. It is not transformative justice. And this is where I want to pull you back into yourself to recognize that a big coping mechanism that you have is being a dick to yourself. You're really good at it. Sorry.

Guest: I was not expecting that.

Jessica: I mean, you've got a Moon/Pluto square. Pluto is intercepted in your fifth house in Scorpio, and it's square to your Moon. And so you are mean. You bully yourself. You shame yourself. You blame yourself. And then you work just as hard to make it up to yourself, to others, whatever. This placement is the destroyer and that which brings life. Sounds great on paper, but it's really rough when you're walking down the streets and you're like, "Where is your fucking mask? Now I have decided you're a garbage person, and I hate you." And that is part of how you feel.

What's essential for me to say is that being a dick to yourself, to others, whatever it is, is a survival mechanism for you. And when we try to aggressively change our survival mechanisms, they get stronger. When we try to subtly, gently change our survival mechanisms, they get stronger because their primary function is to protect itself. And so, because of certainly some inherited issues and early developmental issues, you learned you fucking power through. You find a way out. You do what needs to get done.

And the depth of your emotion is one of your greatest strengths, and it's also something that can usurp you. I used the word "usurp," which I don't feel like I use out loud very often, because you've got a fucking Leo Moon. And it's like the king or the queen on high. You know what I mean? It's like, "My emotions are the most important emotions." And then Pluto is just like, "We're just going to cut off your head, then. That's cool," or, "Yes, I am the most important." And it's so important for you, in the cycle that can happen for you emotionally and psychologically and spiritually, to create space for you to feel shitty feelings towards yourself and towards others without attaching to them or trying to figure them out.

Guest: Yeah. Right, or fighting them.

Jessica: Correct. Fighting doesn't work.

Guest: So much time fighting.

Jessica: It doesn't work. We're back to acceptance. We're back to acceptance. It's like⁠—okay. You may have heard me say this before, but Pluto feels like being pulled into the undertow of the ocean. Have you ever had that happen to you? Have you ever been in the undertow?

Guest: Yeah. Just once. It was terrifying.

Jessica: Me, too. Just once.

Guest: And she loves me, mommy water. So I was like, "Don't keep me."

Jessica: You're like, "Please let me go." Well, if you fight, you die. There's no beating the undertow. There's no strong-enough swimmer. It's about letting go. That's what Pluto is. Pluto is not fire. We use all these metaphors around burning it down and the phoenix from the ashes. No. Pluto is the depths of the fucking ocean. Pluto is emotion, and again, patriarchal bullshit that we are like, "Firepower. Waterpower," and so the power of being able to be in your messiest, most demanding of emotions to say, "Okay. I am in my undertow right now. When I'm in my undertow, I breathe through it. I support my body around it. I do not attach narrative to these feelings. I do not try to figure things out, because I am not objective. Instead, what I do is I take care of myself around it while it's happening and wait for it to pass."

And a good tool for that is also neutral distractions. So a neutral distraction is not turning to your deep spiritual texts or your academic texts. Bad time. When you're in your undertow is when you tell yourself, "Okay. I'm going to figure this out." But it's when we're meant to not figure it out. Again, we're in the water. It's roiling. So it's about being in it until the intensity of it passes. And then you can figure shit out. When we come back to this primary issue you've reached out about that I know you're not alone in of how to cope with the anger, the rage, the resentment of people showing their asses, people showing that they don't care, it's accepting that and allowing yourself to be sad and knowing that sometimes you are going to be in your undertow about it.

Guest: Yeah. When you went from anger to sad, I have a reaction of, "It's so hard down there, though. I don't want to⁠—what if I⁠—yeah. What if I end up at the bottom of the ocean again? It's happened before." And there is a surrender. Surrender is hard.

Jessica: Surrender is the worst. Staying with the emotions⁠—I mean, I'm a triple Capricorn. You know I don't like that. It's my least favorite thing in town. It's not my favorite. It's not supposed to be easy, and that's why most people aren't doing it. They're not willing or able to be in those emotions, make those choices. And that is hard to accept. But whether or not we accept it, it is what it is what it is. Part of what⁠—ah. Okay. That's it. So there is a part of you that doesn't feel that you have a right to have the emotions you're having, which is making them worse.

Guest: Wow. Yep. That's it.

Jessica: Yeah. When I look at you energetically and I look at⁠—okay. So the next time you're in a situation with people who you just saw their fucking social media post where they were indoors with a bunch of people with no mask on, and you're like, "Fuck," you have total entitlement to your emotions. You know you're right. And equally, you feel like you're not entitled to your emotions, that you're overreacting. I guess this is really just like not being in acceptance. It's just I'm seeing it on a different angle. And this is how it's hurting you. And I want to just give you this advice around your relationships. Is this like an active issue with inner-circle people?

Guest: No, but the inner circle has really shifted⁠—

Jessica: Because of this.

Guest: ⁠—in the last few years. Yeah. And my newer partner⁠—I was amazed that she would start to date me and choose to wear masks more and talk to her family about masking. And I have this, "Oh, am I worth all that?" And we never even talked about it. She heard autoimmunity, and that was that.

Jessica: Beautiful.

Guest: I'm trying to still trust and accept being worth that.

Jessica: Well, you for sure are.

Guest: Thank you.

Jessica: Let's just⁠—no questions asked. You are⁠, and also, everyone is. Assholes are. People who vote against all of our most beloved values and rights are worth it. We are all worth protecting. Everyone is worth protecting in this basic way during a once-in-100-years global pandemic. My fucking God, right? It looks like, for people who are left in outer circles, it is important for you to determine how frequently you want to say what you need to say.

Guest: Yes. Yes.

Jessica: That's the real thing because, because you're not in total acceptance, you're not in total embodiment. And when one is not in embodiment, we have to repeat it over and over. We have to keep on doing it and doing it and doing it because we weren't really there for the last time we did it. And again, that makes you feel shitty. And then it comes across like you're a hammer and not a feather⁠—not that hammers aren't valuable. I love a hammer. I'm a hammer. But I do want to say, sometimes, if we come at something with a hammer over and over and over again, it doesn't work. We need lots of tools.

Guest: All the tools. Yes.

Jessica: All the damn tools. Okay. This⁠, I'm kind of hearing, is the last thing I need to say to you, is that your rage is righteous. Your rage is a scab protecting your sadness and your heartbreak, but it's also your rage, and it's righteous. And you deserve a place to bring your rage. And so, because of this Mercury conjunction to Mars and the Ascendant, I think it's your voice. I think⁠— do you sing?

Guest: I used to, and now I can't really do venues like that.

Jessica: Correct.

Guest: They're all unmasked. And I did end up with some throat chakra kind of vocal cord stuff for a while there, and yeah, plus that Moon in Leo⁠—I want the stage.

Jessica: You want the damn stage. Okay. This is my homework for you. Use your voice as a spiritual place of release for rage. So this is not singing like for your Leo Moon. This is not singing for performance. This is not singing to get yourself ready to show something to the world. This is singing the things that are not for the world, not, at least, at this moment. This is singing your emotions that you don't know how to process. And so you don't need to come up with original material for this. You can do this in a messy way. You can do this in the car. You can do this in the shower.

You can do this any way you like, but using⁠—when you start to feel that undertow, when you feel that rage, if it's possible given your situation, finding a way to vocally release the energetics of it will help with some of the overwhelming messiness. I don't have a value judgment on messiness personally. I think messiness is a huge part of being a person and healing and all that stuff. But there's too much noise in this for you⁠—for anyone⁠—to cope with. And it's not like you're dealing with a past trauma. It's a daily reoccurring issue, right?

Guest: Right.

Jessica: So this a form of release that I think could work for you. Do you ever do any kind of combat exercise, like any kind of boxing or anything like that?

Guest: No. I'm a yoga/dance kind of person.

Jessica: Capoeira?

Guest: I have liked capoeira in the past.

Jessica: Okay. It's kind of like dancing. Okay. If you, depending on what's going on with your body, and if you have a little bit of experience with it⁠—I mean, God invented YouTube for exactly this. Maybe this is something that you can do as a way to release some of the physicality of your emotions. Find what works for you without judgment, without getting too in your head about it, just something that is an act of release. And if it works for you on Monday and it doesn't work on Wednesday, try it again on Friday. It's coming at it with a bit of a loose hands instead of a tight fist.

This is part of the journey of acceptance. It's accepting that things do ebb and flow. And there's this part of you that wants there to be a finite, singular answer so you can finally rest. But you can rest in the messiness. And⁠—hold on. How is your sleep?

Guest: So the autoimmunity is like a chronic fatigue situation, and then my brain is really awake at night. So it's like getting to bed late and then rising exhausted and never enough, and yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. And your life right now with school is all about 9:00 to 5:00, really conventional hours, right?

Guest: Yeah, just trying to⁠—yeah. It's a very⁠—yeah, relationship to time is…

Jessica: I mean, you've got Neptune in the sixth house. This is kind of like a magical time situation where you're like, "Time? Isn't that fluid? What is time?"

Guest: Yes. I'm like, "That's a made-up concept. But I guess I have to be there on time."

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a real pain in your ass. I'm so sorry. And you're going through a Neptune transit right now. Neptune is on your Midheaven, so it's intensified. So, to that, I would say because you are person who thrives with being awake more at night⁠—that is to say your body clock. So, if you're moving towards, through this education program, creating a career for yourself, social work is a real 9:00 to 5:00, isn't it?

Guest: Yeah. I'll never⁠—I'm going to be in private practice.

Jessica: Okay. Great.

Guest: I'm going to build⁠—yeah.

Jessica: Beautiful.

Guest: I'm going to use my letters my way.

Jessica: Good. That's what I was going to say, so that makes me happy to hear. And I don't think that'll be a problem for you, as long as you ask for help with the organizational piece, because that'll be the thing that gets in your way if anything does. Before going to sleep at night, what I'm being shown is it would be valuable for you to acknowledge all your parts, to just⁠—and whatever works for you in terms of your spiritual and psychological practices. Acknowledge that you have parts and that one part of you is like a workaholic and does not want to stop, and another part of you wants to do nothing but sleep in a meadow, and another part of you is pissed and wants to fight everybody, and another part of you is just sad and wants someone to take care of you. And on and on it goes.

You've got so many parts, and to take a moment⁠—you don't have to name them, but to be able to say, "I want to take a moment to be like, hey, I have lots of parts, and they're all going in lots of directions. And I want to say, 'Hey, buddies'"⁠— really just acknowledge and call in to your body as a safe space for them to be while you sleep.

Guest: Yeah. Wow.

Jessica: And especially when we have chronic physical ailments or any kind of physical suffering, which is, I feel like, so much of life, it is hard to call in all our parts to our body as a safe space. But sleep is kind of like the lightest lift for that request, and to just acknowledge this is the time that we can all rest and not be in this world but be in the vast spaciousness of your psyche. Creating a small practice⁠—and don't let this be a full ten minutes. This could be like 90 seconds. This could be really simple, but creating a practice around this may help support your sleep because I do⁠—amongst all the other things, I do think you need more sleep because you're moving through such intense psychological, spiritual, physical shit.

Guest: Yes. Yes.

Jessica: And I believe there's been studies that during COVID, millions and millions and millions of people⁠—our sleep has been radically changed because of the level of stress. It's not just that we're living through a once-in-100-year pandemic, but never in human history has there been pocket robots screaming news and keeping us connected in the way that we are, which is more analytic and cognitive and less emotional and embodied. So nobody has the skills accrued to cope with this. We've not gone through anything like this before. And so, of course, it's fucking up our sleep and our psyches. And so many people send me questions being like, "I don't know why things have been so different for me the last couple years," to which I'm always like, "Well"⁠—

Guest: Gestures at everything.

Jessica: Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. That's exactly it. So I want to just check in and see, have we addressed your primary question?

Guest: Yes. Yes. Yeah, in the way that we can.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. I mean⁠—

Guest: And you said my hot-button words. I'm like, "All right. Acceptance. Surrender. Not being a dick to myself and others." And I think I'm generally pretty good at not being a dick to others directly, but then I turn it on myself.

Jessica: The impulse to be punishing and for there to be a right and a wrong and a good and an evil⁠—it leaks out of us even when we don't mean it when we treat ourselves like shit. And for people who are service-oriented in the way that you are, sometimes the greatest motivation to being kinder to yourself is because it is ultimately not possible to sustain true kindness to others over the course of time when you're beating yourself up all day long. So it's like you create these limitations, much like you were talking about with financial prosperity. It's like, when you beat yourself down, there's only so much⁠—you tamp your growth.

Within all of this, it's about recognizing that this is a profound turning point for you, as it is for most humans on the planet. And you are⁠—whether or not it's completely by choice, because you have an immune condition, an immune suppressing condition⁠—but you are having to stay associated. And that's fucked up. And you're allowed to be pissed off about it. And as fucked up as this is, so much of what this has done for you has clarified who you are to you, which is so powerful⁠—not fun, not easy, but powerful. And it will serve you in your life moving forward if you allow it to.

Guest: Yes. Yes. I feel that. I keep saying COVID is a portal.

Jessica: Yes.

Guest: And physically, I've witnessed it in caring for others, and now I've experienced it, and also collectively. I'm like, "We could go through the portal or not." And some people are looking at it but not going through it.

Jessica: I mean, unfortunately, it is a mass-disabling event. And we haven't fully seen that show up because it's such a fresh pandemic still, even though I know people feel like, "Oh, it's been years." But for those who are old enough to have had chicken pox⁠—right? Because I don't know⁠—it's like you can get shingles when you're 50 if you had chicken pox when you were 10.

Guest: Exactly.

Jessica: It's like some things just sit in the body. And we don't know what will happen with this. And so I think the ways in which this is a portal are still unfolding. And that's scary. It's scary, and it's also a lot to hold for those who are really engaged with it. So be gentle with yourself because it's too much.

Guest: Yes. Thank you.

Jessica: Yeah. I'm really glad we did this because it reminded me of the things I need to stay aligned with, too, because it is very hard to walk through the world and see people actively not caring, you know?

Guest: Yeah. Yes. I was going to ask you if this conversation served you in that way.

Jessica: Oh yeah. It really has, because it's really hard to not personalize it when it's your literal personal experience. And it's really hard to be gentle with others when you're holding yourself to a high standard. But again, it's about acceptance. It's about surrender. Yeah. I don't like any of that shit. I don't want to surrender and accept. I want to walk around angry and telling people what to do, but⁠—

Guest: Right? I want to walk around unaware⁠—I'm like, "Oh, it looks so nice over there. It all looks so peaceful."

Jessica: Yeah. I mean, hanging out with friends who are not masked when you are, and you're itchy and sweaty and you feel zits coming out of your chin and all the things that happen with a mask⁠—it's a real boner killer.

Guest: Yeah. Yes.

Jessica: But it's good to do the right thing because it's right.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Well, L, I am so happy we did this. I'm so happy we made it happen.

Guest: Yes. Yes. Thank you. Me, too.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much.

Guest: Thank you for your work and for this conversation, and I will be sitting with for sure.

Jessica: Thank you.

Hey there. It's me again. I just want to share some statistics with you because I love you. So what I want to share with you⁠—my source is from the New York Times, and they get their data directly from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. So that's the source of what I'm going to share, which is, as of November 26th, 2022, the daily average of people in the ICU in the United States with COVID is 24,297 humans who are struggling and suffering, and potentially their families are also struggling and suffering. And there is a current average of 2,300 deaths⁠—that's 2,300 deaths per week⁠—in the U.S. alone from COVID.

Being vaccinated does a good job of protecting you from severe illness with COVID, but it does not protect you from the risk of organ or tissue damage that we are learning is prevalent from even mild infections of COVID, nor does it protect you comprehensively from long COVID. Reinfection increases your risk of immune dysregulation and severe outcomes even if you've had multiple mild cases. COVID-19 is a mass-disabling event, and we still don't understand fully what it does to the human body and how long its effects will last. Protect yourself and protect others by wearing a mask. It's so simple. It's annoying, but it's so simple and such a small thing that you can do that can make a massive difference to your own health but also to the global community that we live in. So, this winter, mask up when you're indoors in public spaces with human people.

If you're a fan of Ghost of a Podcast and you want to wear it on your chest, there is now a Ghost of a Podcast shirt available on my website. You just have to go to lovelanyadoo.com/shop to get yours or to gift it to someone you love. And while you're there, you can find classes, my book, and other goodies to gift to the astrology nerd in your life or the astrology nerd within.

Hey. Let's get astrological, as we do. Fun fact: the fight against fascism here in the United States⁠—and globally; who are we kidding⁠—isn't over just because Trump is currently out of office. And for those of us here in the U.S., we want to remember that we are still very much in the Pluto Return of the United States, where we just had another hate-fueled, senseless mass shooting at a Queer bar, and on the eve of Trans Day of Remembrance. Much of the Queer community here in the U.S. is in mourning, and me included. The grief is awful and hard to get through.

It's easy to get overwhelmed by the hatred and violence and injustice. There's so much to take in. I want to share with you that within grief is love and purpose. At times, we need to just be in our feelings and to not "do" anything. And at other times, we can understand that where our greatest grief lies may be inspiration and motivation for action, purpose-fueled action. So, if you need it, I want to just gently point you towards aligning with your purpose, tapping into what you love, what you care about, what you feel called to do. Allow yourself to be driven by love. And again, I want to remind you Mars is Retrograde. And during a Mars Retrograde is a powerful time to tap into our sense of purpose, or motivations, and even our anger, our rage.

You don't need to have the answers. I get so many questions from so many of you week after week trying to find the answer. The journey is the answer. So don't be so fixated on finding a materialistic answer, but instead explore what it is that has meaning and purpose to you, what it is that drives you. And if it's time for action, what are the next best steps? Not the best steps, not the forever steps. The next best steps. Okay?

So, that said, there's lots of astrology to talk about, per usual. This week, we're looking at the astrology of November 27th through December 3rd. I cannot believe it's the last month of the year already. I don't know. It's bonkers. But here we are, my friends. Here we are. And this week, similar to last week⁠—or maybe the last two weeks⁠—has some really lovely transits going on. Yay. But it also has some overlapping challenging ones, so giddyap.

Now, the first exact transit of the week is occurring on the 28th, and it is a Mars trine to Saturn. And what I'm going to tell you about it may sound a little familiar because it happened recently, because Mars is retrograding back through the transits it went through recently. So, on September 27th, Mars was trine to Saturn. Now, when Mars forms a trine to Saturn, it's quite a lovely thing, if you ask me, because our sense of purpose, the things we do, our ambition, our sexuality and sex drive, our relationship to anger and assertion and all that kind of good stuff, it's forming a harmonious relationship with reality⁠—Saturn⁠—with our sense of duty and our ability to manage time, like linear, material time, that Saturnian form of time.

This transit is a great one for connecting with your sense of purpose. It's a great one for grounding your plans, working through things that require some measure of concentration or basically that are a bit difficult. So, a lot of times, tasks that you've been putting off are easier to do during a Mars trine to Saturn. This transit is good at working with material stuff. So we're talking about your finances. We're talking about your career, that kind of stuff. Saturn is a materialist. And when Mars and Saturn get together, yeah, they tend to work within the system. But hey, if you want to work outside of the system, this is a very empowering transit, too. It's all about how you tap into it.

This transit can be really fun for sex. It's not so much about spontaneity, but it is good for getting in there and getting it done efficiently, and more than sufficiently. Again, I'm talking about partnered sex; I'm talking about solo sex—whatever works for you at this time. But broadly speaking, what's important for me to say here is that it is a good transit to make plans, and it's a good transit to follow through with plans. Because Mars is Retrograde, we want to make sure that we're honoring that rule of re's and we're reflecting and we're reassessing; we're recalibrating. We want to make sure that we are doing the inner work and not just acting from a place of egoism, because if you do that, you're not likely to deal with the best parts of this transit.

And to this end, I will remind you that I am teaching a class on manifestation during a Mars Retrograde on December 10th at 11:00 a.m. Pacific. So, if you'd like to register for the class, the link is in show notes of this very episode. And if you go to my website, you can't miss it. It's on the Shop page. So bada-bing, bada-boom.

Okay. Now, on the 29th, overlapping with the Mars trine to Saturn, we've got a kind of mixed bag of transits. So we've got Mercury sextile to Saturn and Mercury opposite Mars. So they're going to really influence each other here. Mercury sextile to Saturn is, again, a very grounding transit because Mercury is your thinking. It's your attitudes. It's how you listen. It's how you communicate. It's how you DM, email, talk, all that kind of good stuff. And Saturn is grounding. It's reality. It's sustainability.

So this transit is really good for exercising clear judgment, making practical calls, figuring shit out, working through problems, ideas, etc. This is a good transit for organizing. So the overlap between the Mars trine to Saturn and the Mercury sextile to Saturn is lovely because it empowers us to figure shit out and get shit done. Lovely, right? But the Universe is nothing if not a damn joker. At the same time, on the 29th, overlapping with these two transits is a Mercury opposition to Mars.

Now, this transit, Mercury opposite Mars, is annoying. Literally, what it does is it kicks up agitation and annoyance. So it is important to remember that you are annoying, and I am annoying, and everyone around you is annoying. And that's okay. What we want to make sure we do is not allow our anger or our defensiveness to embolden us to be assholes just because something is annoying. This transit can coincide with conflicts, with fighting. So, again, Mercury is communication. It's friendships. Mars is your temper.

And so this transit can coincide with being really fucking annoyed with people. They may say things where you're just like, "No. No, never. No, not now. Not never. No." And instead of sitting with your feelings and being like, "Okay. What am I really reacting to? How do I want to handle this?" you may do what we do during oppositions: just project it out and instead of sitting with the feelings, rapidly⁠—because thank you, Mars and Mercury; they both move very quickly⁠—just barf your thoughts and feelings onto other people.

So beware of defensiveness, beware of being really reactive, and beware of fights. Now, listen. Sometimes fights need to happen. I am not against having conflict with people or situations. But you want to make sure that if you are fighting with someone, you know what you're fighting about and that you remember that no matter how annoyed you are, how you say what you say, your body language, your tone, your caps lock⁠—those things communicate. And while you cannot control what other people say or do⁠—you cannot control whether someone else is a [indiscernible 00:56:42] emoji or a unicorn emoji⁠—what you can do is manage your own self. What you can do is participate with others and in the world in a way that reflects what you want to see in the world, who you wish to be. So, in other words, don't let other people's bad behavior empower you to act wrong.

This is a transit that I think is particularly interesting in the context of the Mars Retrograde because, again, if you're in struggle with your Mars, what's likely to happen is you will act out towards others or yourself. Your anger will become punishing, corrosive, or something like this. And so finding a way to access your body is going to be really valuable for you during this transit. And you're going to be feeling this, for sure, the 28th, 29th, the 30th. Mercury opposite Mars is a prime time for conflicts amid defensiveness, and that's not so great. But it can also be a good transit for bravery, spontaneity, and passion.

So it all comes down to, what are the differences between these two things, or these two buckets of things? It's your motivation. It's your energy. So it's important that you have a well-adjusted relationship to Mars. That's what is getting triggered here. And the way of going about doing that is being able to sit with Mars, sit with your passions, sit with your anger, your defensiveness, your ambitions⁠, all that kind of stuff. And that's hard for most people most of the time.

Now, I will say in the context of world events, yeah, this is a real risky transit in terms of violence and spontaneous violence. When we're dealing with Saturn, things tend to be planned. When we're dealing with Mercury and Mars together, especially opposite each other, things can erupt. Again, it's related to defensiveness. We want to pay attention to the world. We want to pay attention to the news on and around this date. And absolutely do your best to act from a centered place within you, and when you cannot do that, sit with your impulse to action.

Now, on the 30th, we have another opposition to Mars. And this one is much easier and more pleasant. It's a Venus opposition to Mars. Unlike the Mercury opposition, this one's fun, honestly. It's fun. It can just kind of crank up the chemistry. It can crank up your desire for fun and socializing. It just is kind of⁠—yeah, it's a dynamic moment. And so, in the context of everything that's happening, this transit may be a blip on your screen. It might not register as a whole hell of a lot. Or it may be exactly what you need to kind of have a little bit of fun, reconnect with what you care about or who you care about. Again, this transit can be really fun for hooking up with yourself or others. So, if you can do so, of course do so safely. But yeah. This can just be a fun-moment transit.

If you're an artist or creative somebody who's been wanting to get into some sort of creative venture⁠—and that's a very big umbrella that I'm referring to, but there it is⁠—this is a great transit for it because the Venus opposition to Mars can embolden you to just play, to just make things happen, explore your creativity, that kind of stuff. So, whether you are dealing with esoteric arts, the high arts, if you're a crafty person, this is a great transit for you, so definitely one to pay attention to.

That, my friends, brings us to the 1st, the 1st of December. And the 1st of December starts with a really annoying transit, unfortunately. If you are somebody who wants to know about the month ahead, per ushe, join me over on Patreon on the kittens level because that's where I drop a bonus episode of Ghost of a Podcast every month, and it's just an hour-plus-long horoscope for the month ahead. And don't you worry; I'm going to be doing a year-ahead horoscope.

Anyways, back to this annoying transit. Mercury is forming a square to Neptune on this date. Mercury square Neptune is not one of my favorite transits because, again, Mercury is your mind. So it's not the only planet that is related to your mental state, but it is certainly a meaningful one. And it's communication. It's how you hear things. It's whether or not you're listening. It's what you say. It's how you say it. It's your attitudes, your beliefs. It's data⁠—data you take in, data you put out. Very important in the world we live in.

And Neptune is confusing. If Saturn is the reality principle, then Neptune is the ethereal. Neptune is that without form. It is time as an illusion. Neptune is about interconnectedness and high spirituality, high arts. Sounds nice to a lot of people; to a lot of people, it sounds terrible. But in practice, when we go through squares or oppositions⁠—sometimes conjunctions⁠—to Neptune, what happens is we are overwhelmed by what we don't know. Most people, a lot of the time, will have an anxiety response to that. So feeling overwhelmed by the world, not knowing your place, not knowing what's going to happen in a relationship, whether or not you should take that person's flirting with you personally or if they're just kind of a flirty person⁠—all this kind of stuff is what it is what it is until we deal with a lot of Neptunian energies, and then it can become something that makes us feel paranoid. It can become something that makes us feel demoralized, anxious, exhausted, just kind of flattened.

So the Mercury square Neptune is definitely a transit to be on the lookout for because it can have you feeling all turned around and twisted up. That can lead towards, again, passive aggression, paranoia, all this kind of stuff that you don't really realize is happening until you're waist deep in it. So know that when you're having any kind of conversation, negotiation, especially if you're trying to do some sort of contractual agreement or some sort of professional agreement, this is not a great transit for that. It's not a great day for that.

We are likely to misunderstand, misrepresent ourselves, or deal with people who are lying to us under this transit. Unfortunately, Mercury square to Neptune can be associated with lies. So those lies can be in the disinformation or the misinformation buckets. If you find yourself obsessing, if you find yourself fixated, if you find yourself paranoid, know it's the transit and to do your best to find neutral ground to fixate your thoughts on, or even better, try to distance yourself from your thoughts and find a way to get present emotionally and in your body. Now, that's not always safe. It's not always possible. It depends on where you're at, who you are, etc.

But the reason why I give this advice is because Mercury square Neptune can make our minds kind of a chaotic place. And so finding a way to be present engages our heart and body, and that is where we can find more of a grounding cord, a sense of agency or presence. And that's really valuable during this transit and in general when you're dealing with situational anxiety.

Now, on the social level, if some sort of big news breaks out, I want to say let's see. We'll see if it sticks. When anything is broadly asserted or started during this transit, you want to be a little suspicious. You know what I mean? I'm telling you don't be paranoid, but we want to understand that things don't always go the way they seem they're going to go under this transit. So grain of salt with the news. I may be a fan of staying engaged, staying informed, but check the date on that article before you share it. Make sure you check your sources. Again, misinformation/disinformation, very Mercury square Neptune.

Now, I know I've said this before, but I'm going to say it again. When we're dealing with squares to Neptune, it is a bad time for drugs. So, in particular, I say this to people who do spiritual or consciousness-raising drugs, so essentially recreational drugs but to facilitate a spiritual experience. This is not a good time for that because Neptune weakens the auric field and makes us more permeable and susceptible. And so we are not able to integrate because we're taking in too much, not just the information that we're meant or we're trying to take in, but we end up pulling in extra, and it gets overwhelming. And so we can have not-ideal outcomes. So you want to wait until a different date.

Okay. And that brings us to the last exact transit of the week. And this one's annoying; I'm not going to lie to you. It's another fucking square to Neptune. If you've been tracking the transits with me, you may know which planet it is. It's Venus because Mercury and Venus are still very close to each other. And so, on the 3rd of December, we have an exact square from Venus to Neptune. Let me tell you what it means. Venus is related to lots of really valuable things, including your values, the things that you own⁠—so your personal possessions, your finances. It's aesthetics. It's body image. It's how you feel about the way you look. If you're a very aesthetically driven person, it's aesthetics in general, so that can be very important to you or not so much. It's also your relationships.

And Neptune, we have established, is confusing and overwhelming. It's otherworldly. And so what can happen during this transit is you have an experience with someone, and you put them on a pedestal, and you assume that you're having a spiritual experience when in fact you may not be. So you want to be really, really careful at the start of December between these two transits of assuming some sort of otherworldly or extra special value to people in situations, because it may be true, but during these transits, it's not usually the case. And when something feels spiritually really connected and real, it can be demoralizing to be confronted with it not being true or not working out in a way that is life-affirming and positive. But here we are, again dealing with the reality.

There's such a value in astrology because we can often see what the test is. And during a Mercury and a Venus square to Neptune, the test is not in giving up and surrendering to someone else or to something else. Instead, it's having an experience but doing so with boundaries, be those energetic boundaries, behavioral boundaries⁠—in the case of Mercury, verbal boundaries. But it is always about having boundaries to protect our tender, permeable insides.

This is a terrible time for making big purchases. But you may feel called to give some stuff away or donate money, and that is a really beautiful thing to do with this transit. You just want to do it with grounded consideration of what you can give so that you're not martyring yourself, which is a negative thing that Neptune can have us do. This transit unfortunately can put you in a position where you are being taken advantage of or where you're taking advantage of someone else. So, again, you want to stay connected to your values and to remember the value in all people. This is pretty important with this transit.

Related to that, if you're somebody who deals with having a hard time with the way you look or having a hard time living in your body for any reason⁠—and there are so many reasons that we humans go through that⁠—yeah, this transit can trigger that. Conversely, if you always feel that way, this transit may come around and everyone else feels that way, and you feel a little lighter. Things may be a bit easier for you⁠—TBD. But the thing about this transit is it can really just bring up this sense of, "Do I belong? What does this meat suit⁠—what do I do with it?" It's rough. And in particular, it's rough because we're going through this Mars Retrograde where the big news of it is the Mars square to Neptune. So there's this larger theme that we're dealing with with that particular transit, and it's a lot of difficult, hard-to-pin energy.

You may be feeling really just exhausted and like you're not taking care of yourself; you're not taking care of business the way you feel like you should or you thought you would. And this transit and the Mercury square to Neptune⁠—both of them are just going to kind of exacerbate that if that's how you've been feeling. So what I wanted to share with you is that these are the transits. And sometimes we're not meant to do, and that can really suck. But sitting with our feelings, being in a greater state of receptivity, is valuable. It's really valuable. It's not always fun, but it's valuable.

If you're dealing with low self-esteem, don't put yourself in a position where you have to hang out with people who you know make you feel like shit about yourself. Take care of yourself. Have healthy boundaries. If you are being sexually active with other human people during this transit⁠—both of them, but especially the Venus square to Neptune⁠—yeah, definitely have safer sex. This is a for-sure thing to do, whatever that means for the kind of sex you're having.

Venus square to Neptune⁠—it can be demoralizing, but it has something larger to offer. It can teach us about the ephemeral nature of the body and of the way we look and, related to that, the limited value of it. However you look now, whatever age you are now, it'll change. It'll pass. And instead of lamenting that and mourning that⁠—I mean, whatever. Lament all you want. Mourn as much as you'd like. But coming to a state of acceptance⁠—very Neptunian, acceptance⁠—and then gratitude for what is right now and the lack of attachment to what is and cultivating meaning and value within yourself⁠—hey, that is a fantastic use of this damn transit.

Now, there's one more thing I want to say about this Venus square to Neptune, which is that it can be a rough moment for the rights of women and everyone who is not traditional cis male gender. Again, we want to advocate to the best of our ability for ourselves and others. If each of us⁠—if we show up, if we advocate, if we engage with the rights of women, Trans, and Gender Queer folks, the world gets safer and the world gets better, period.

These are some uncertain times, and it is hard to live with uncertainty. But again, there is a call to purpose within that⁠—not necessarily a call to action. Hopefully, action will eventually come from identifying with your sense of purpose. But find your sense of purpose within it all, what you care about, what's important to you in your life, in the world, whatever it is.

All right, my loves. I'm going to run through these transits one more time. On the 28th, Mars is exactly trine to Saturn. On the 29th, we have an exact sextile between Mercury and Saturn, and Mercury will be exactly opposite to Mars. On the 30th, we have a Venus opposition to Mars. On the 1st, we have a Mercury square to Neptune. And on the 3rd, we have an exact square between Venus and Neptune. And that's it, my loves.

I want to thank you so much for joining me here week after week for Ghost of a Podcast. And this is my weekly invitation to hit the Subscribe button wherever you listen to your podcasts because it does really make a difference for this little independent Ghost of a Podcast. Take good care of yourself and others, and I'll talk to you next week. Buh-bye.