Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

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Today, I am thrilled to be joined by Leslie Mosier, who is the host of the Diving In podcast, which you have to listen to, and momager of Doug the Pug.

Jessica: I just feel like it's really cool to be a momager in general of a pug.

Leslie: It's a dream. I won't call myself it, but other people have called me the christener of pugs. So I think that's a pretty cool thing.

Jessica: It is a pretty remarkable role to have in the world. I mean, it's just like how many christeners of pugs can there be?

Leslie: Right. It's very niche.

Jessica: It's very niche. And today, we're going to check in and talk to Doug the Pug; are we not?

Leslie: Yes. I'm so excited. I've personally been to psychics and done a lot of things in my inner work and spirituality, and Doug has come up a bit, but I've never gotten the chance to truly connect with them through someone like you. So I'm very eager to see what he says and the funny nuances that come up with our cats in the house and all of that stuff.

Jessica: Oh. You have cats as well?

Leslie: Yes. Two cats.

Jessica: Okay. So let's just go in. So will you say Doug's name, and then the cats' names, actually—everybody's name in the house?

Leslie: Sure. We've got Doug, Fiona, and Teddy.

Jessica: Okay. And what you call Doug at home?

Leslie: Dougie or Bubs.

Jessica: Okay. Hold on. And is he kind of—I wanted to say middle-aged, but that's not in a human way. But is he like three, four years old?

Leslie: No. Doug turns ten in May. Fiona is four.

Jessica: Okay. So that's funny, because I was really fixated on Fiona, but I was trying to focus on Doug. We're going to talk to Fiona first. Is that okay?

Leslie: Oh my gosh. Yes.

Jessica: She's kind of the—I mean, if you're momager to Doug, Fiona is momager to all, is how it feels. She feels like the boss. Does that make sense to you?

Leslie: (laughs) Yeah.

Jessica: Yep. And what do you call her?

Leslie: Fuzzy.

Jessica: Okay. So there's a bunch of things. She has a place she sits, like a perch higher than everyone? Or is that just her personality? She actually physically has a perch?

Leslie: She's always up on things. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. She is really into being up on things for a number of reasons. One, she thinks everyone smells. She's got a thing about smells, and she thinks everybody smells. And so she's keeping herself physically separated from these boys. The other cat's a boy cat, eh?

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. She literally likes to be above people, which I respect as a woman a lot. I think she's very charming. She is a person who wants to be seen as powerful and impressive, and she is kind of easily exhausted by people. She just feels like all these people could learn things and then be better around her. I wouldn't say she's very happy, because she's not exactly happy; she's more like a very exhausted queen.

Leslie: Oh, you are nailing it on the head.

Jessica: Of course she came through first, because she is the queen of the household.

Leslie: Yeah. She is.

Jessica: So she's kind of an exhausted queen, but she feels happy to rule over her queendom. And she gets fed really well. She's showing me that she's really chubby. Is that true?

Leslie: She's chubby, yeah. They have chubby cheeks. Their whole breed is very chubby roundness.

Jessica: Oh. I love that. She's proud of her chubbiness. I don't know if that's thanks to you always telling her how cute and chubby her cheeks are, but she's showing it to me with a sense of pride. The things that bother her she's kind of happy to be bothered by, like the annoying peons upon the ground. The other cat doesn't jump up high frequently?

Leslie: No, he doesn't. But he's always trying to chase her.

Jessica: Okay. What's his name again?

Leslie: Teddy.

Jessica: And what you actually call him?

Leslie: Teddison.

Jessica: There it is. Okay. Good. Thank you. Hold on. He is a much more simple person. He is a much more simple person. He is very like a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy. You know what I mean? He wants to play when he wants to play. He wants to snooze when he wants to snooze. He has no preference between the cat or the dog as roommates or siblings. I mean, sometimes both of them bug him, but he's so simple it's just like he gets over it really easily. Is he a snuggler?

Leslie: Oh yeah.

Jessica: Because he feels like he just loves to be in a crook. It's just like he likes to pop into a corner, and when he does that, he's just incredibly happy. I hesitate to say that Fiona is a low-maintenance person, because she is the opposite of a low-maintenance person. But on a certain level, these cats are so low maintenance because they're very self-possessed. They know their place in the family. They're very happy cats. Are you planning on having a human baby?

Leslie: No.

Jessica: Okay, because Fiona's not into it. She doesn't like—

Leslie: Oh. Cool.

Jessica: She doesn't want you to have any babies. She's not a fan of you having to bring in more dependents. She knows what that would be.

Leslie: Wow.

Jessica: So I don't know why that is. I don't know if you've had kids in the house or if she lived in a different household. Have you had kids in the house?

Leslie: We've had some kids in the house, yeah. She's very much the cat that will hide under the bed while people are over, and Teddy is like—I mean, he's like a dog. He'll run up to people and fetch. I mean, it's kind of crazy.

Jessica: That's adorable. It's adorable. And also, Teddy is, again, meat and potatoes. He's like, "You want to play? You want to play? I'll play. You don't want to play? I won't play. It's not a problem," whereas she doesn't like the unpredictability of a lot of people, and she doesn't feel like people understand how to engage with her. She is large and in charge. So she's thrilled if you never have a child. She's thrilled for it. So congratulations. You have a cat. So do you have any questions about the cats before we Doug the Pug you?

Leslie: I guess my one question would be if Fiona will ever—and I think based on what you connected with her, my answer would be no, but would Fiona ever be more tolerant of Teddy? Because they have moment—

Jessica: No.

Leslie: No? It's just going to—

Jessica: Sorry. Sorry. I just—she has this very quick—you keep on going, because maybe I'll get more of your question, and then I'll give you more of an answer.

Leslie: She's been—because we just hit a year. Teddy's only a year old, and we just hit a year of him being in the house. And right around that year mark, I mean almost to the day, we noticed that she was letting him lay near her and they'll share a bed. But when it comes to walking around the house and walking around the corners—Teddy's very young. He wants to play. And so there's a lot of hissing from her and getting angry and being more skittish, and we obviously want her to be happy. But I think she is happy, so it's just this whole—

Jessica: It's her personality. So it's a couple things. She doesn't want to be on the same level as Teddy because she's not. So, therefore, no is really the answer. But will it evolve over time that they have more of an understanding and that he is kind of better suited to interacting with her? Yes, and also no, because Teddy's going to Teddy. You know?

Leslie: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: Teddy's going to Teddy. And so there's no—is that one of them now?

Leslie: Doug just kicked my leg.

Jessica: Okay. Doug's turn is next. She's not unhappy with Teddy there. She's not. Sometimes she really enjoys him, and sometimes she finds him to be a nuisance to be dealt with.

Leslie: Annoying little brother.

Jessica: Yeah, or even more specifically, a subject to be managed and ruled. It might become more familial and sibling-oriented over time, but she really does enjoy feeling like she manages people. So she really does see him as someone to be kept in line. Honestly, she feels that way with the two of you as well, with you and your husband as well. She just feels that everyone is a subject to be kept in line, and she feels happy to do the job. She feels well equipped to do the job.

Leslie: We named her well. We named her Princess Fiona, and she's elevated to a queen.

Jessica: Yes. She has elevated herself to a queen, luckily not through murder, but it could have been, with her personality.

Leslie: Yes.

Jessica: And we can come back to them, but let's check in with Doug. And say his name and then what you actually call him again.

Leslie: Doug, Dougie, Bubs.

Jessica: Okay. There he is. Got him. Okay. Is there anything you want to ask him?

Leslie: There is some stuff I want to ask him. Does he miss the traveling? Because before COVID stuff, we traveled so much, and yeah. Does he miss traveling?

Jessica: He doesn't miss it, no. He enjoyed it so much. He enjoys people, and he got a lot of great attention when you traveled, so he really enjoyed it. There's parts of traveling he doesn't enjoy, though. But he's had a really great time with you in this period. He's gotten more attention from you. He's had a lot of really, actually, really great experiences through COVID, obviously not related to COVID, but related to how stable things have been for his experience—I'm sure not completely from yours. So he doesn't miss it, no. He enjoyed it. If it comes back, he'll enjoy it. But he's—I mean, hopefully you know that this is a very happy, well-adjusted dog.

Leslie: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Dogs are little more in the moment then humans. So, while they absolutely can miss people and things, even their experience of missing is often really different than what we identify as missing. But because things have been so great for him, there's nothing to really miss.

Leslie: I love that.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. It's very nice. It's very nice.

Leslie: That makes me very happy.

Jessica: Good.

Leslie: Yeah. We've definitely—we don't want to go back to the amount of traveling that we had before, even though he did great and we did great. But it's like there's a whole different way of doing things now, and it feels much more right. And just—I've become more protective of Doug's time and energy and what we'll say yes to and what we'll say no to. So that feels very, very in line, for sure.

Jessica: Good. I'm glad. Yeah, and he's a—I mean, he really likes attention. He doesn't have Fiona's problem at all. He really enjoys attention, so whatever amount of attention he gets, he is happy if it's exclusively from you or from many people. So for whatever that's worth.

Leslie: So I have a question that I think well, I personally want to know, but also, Doug's followers would want to know. What does Doug think about a pug sibling, a baby pug?

Jessica: Interesting. You must have asked him this before.

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: Honestly, he's on the fence. He feels like it would make you happy, and so he's inclined to want to do it. So you must have told him you wanted a baby pug and that you thought it would be really cute, and you've probably shown him images from your mind. You've probably shown him images of how fun it would be for him to play with a sibling pug.

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: He's perfectly happy. He is not missing anything. So does he want a sibling? Not exactly, no, he does not. But he doesn't want me to say no to you because he wants to make you happy, and he understands that you believe that having another pug will make you happy. He doesn't know that that's true, but he understands that you believe it's true. So I don't know if that's accurate or not, but that's what he's saying. So, first of all, is that accurate?

Leslie: Yeah. That's so accurate. Doug and I have an extremely close soul connection. I mean, I have never experienced this with any animal in my life, and I don't believe I will again. He and I are connected beyond anything, and yeah. I suffer with anxiety about him because I always just want him to be okay, and I get into that fear-intrusive mindset where I'm so afraid that the shoe is going to drop and something's going to happen to him. And so he and I will bounce off each other, and then I have to stop myself and be like, "He's picking up all my anxiety here. I don't want him"—but one thing that—and I don't know if he's able to give this to me, but any sort of reassurance that the shoe is not going to drop and he is going to be here for a very long time.

Jessica: He definitely can't—he doesn't—I've never met an animal who was scared of dying. I've met animals who are dying, and they have fear in the process of it. But there's no preemptive fear of dying that I've ever encountered in an animal in all my years of communicating with animals because it's a natural part of living, and they have a different relationship to it. They also have a different relationship to physical pain than we do. We are very averse to it, and animals have a different tolerance. They have a different experience of it.

He feels that he is younger than you feel he is, and now that's starting to make more sense to me because if you're like, "Please never die. Please never die. Please never have any health problems. Please stay young forever," he is like, "Hey, lady. I'm not that old. What are you worried about?" You know what I mean? That's not his tone of voice; that's my tone of voice.

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: That's definitely not how he talks. But he doesn't have any problems, and I know pugs can have health problems.

Leslie: Yeah. I mean, pugs do have certain predispositions. Doug, though—I mean, we have an herbalist for him. He eats the highest quality food.

Jessica: Of course.

Leslie: We've done energy work for him. All of the above. He lives a very—acupuncture every three weeks. So he even visually looks a lot younger than other pugs do at his age. And the cool thing about our job is we've met pug owners and pugs from all over, and we've had people tell us, "My pug lived till 19." "My pug lived till 21."

Jessica: Oh. That's awesome.

Leslie: So yeah. I do feel he's always showing me, "You don't need to worry about me. Look how happy I am." He's, like, sprite. He plays every day and wakes up with his tail wagging.

Jessica: His breathing is really good. He keeps on wanting me to tell you his breathing is good. So I don't know. Are you sometimes worried about his breathing?

Leslie: I guess I'm worried that a problem could develop and we've just gotten really lucky until now.

Jessica: I see.

Leslie: That's one thing that pugs do have an issue with sometimes, is their—

Jessica: Breathing?

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: Well, he's telling—he's slightly confused why you're so fixated on it because his breathing is fine. And he's like, "Is my breathing fine? My breathing's fine." So here's a multi-part answer to your question. The first part is your concern about his health and lifespan is putting ideas in his head that something might be wrong, when he's perfectly healthy and happy and well adjusted and feels very young and chill. So, when you name it as anxiety, I want to really support you. And yes, this is anxiety. And when the anxiety comes up and it's not in response to, "He's fallen and he can't get up," if it's not about something, then instead of chasing the thought, I want to encourage you to be like, "Oh shit. This is me being in anxiety mode because I love this dog so much that I'm scared of losing him, and not because there's anything that I can do or should do right now."

So tend to, "Oh, wow, loving someone this much is terrifying," because that's the honest emotion, and then you're not communicating a concern about his welfare to him. You're communicating a concern about your ability to love to him. And then it'll be easier on him and more honest and ultimately easier for you. Now, the other part of what I want to say, though, is this is the tragedy of loving animals that have different lifespans than we do. You can't get around that. I mean, you just unfortunately—yeah.

Leslie: Yeah. No, and that's very helpful. I've made more of a conscious effort— Doug's herbalist actually brought it up, and she was like, "You can't hold Doug when you're in that anxious state. He is trying to take that away from you, and he's taking it on himself." And so I've been much more aware of speaking things to him like, "I won't worry about you. You won't worry about me." And then I instantly have that body rush of, "Everything's good. And how lucky are we that he's so happy and"—I can just look at him, and like you said, he feels so young at heart. He looks so young. And that will take away a lot of it. But it's a lot of work. When we love our animals so much, it's hard.

Jessica: It's devastating. I mean, loss is the shit side of love. Grief is the shit side of love. And when you really love someone, it's hard to not project into what it would feel like to lose them, and to try to get ahead of those feelings because of how terrifying they are. Part of what I want to bring your attention to is that—hold on. Now say your full name.

Leslie: Leslie Mosier.

Jessica: That's not your full name.

Leslie: Leslie Ann Mosier?

Jessica: Thank you. Sorry. I see—

[crosstalk]

Jessica: —so sorry. I need it all. This is like a you issue, right? There's this part of you—and actually, this is a lot like Fiona. You get fixated on anything that feels bad, and then you kind of keep on checking it and checking it and checking it. And for you with Doug, some of this is just really authentic, and some of it's actually a habit. It's like part of how you love him is by checking everything to make sure everything's perfect. And so it's hard to be as attentive as you are and to also—are you laughing at—

Leslie: No. My husband's laughing in the corner because he's like, "This is exactly."

Jessica: I think the superstition inside of all of this for you is, "How can I be as attentive as I am and also not obsessively fear the worst?" because you feel like that hypervigilance is what keeps him safe.

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: So how could you stop being hypervigilant if you want him to stay safe? It's a lot of assumptions folded into each other, so it's hard for you to pull them apart. And so I would recommend doing something to the effect of giving this a nickname, this compulsion, this complex, nuanced compulsion—giving it a nickname. Be like, "Oh, this is my paper hat"—whatever. I just made that up. I don't know why. But like, "This is my paper hat," so whenever it comes up, you can easily identify it. And when we name things or we number things, it gives us a little separation from them. And you're really good at working on shit once you've identified what needs to be worked on, but there's a part of you that doesn't want to fix this because your hypervigilance is what keeps him baby fresh.

Leslie: Yeah. Oh my gosh. You're so right. I think a lot of it stems from—we had a traumatic experience, and the ball kind of did drop with Doug. And everything is obviously fine now, but I had given him—he was only like three years old—a medication to help with some itching, and he had an extremely rare allergic reaction. And his platelet levels dropped life-threateningly low, and he had to be in the hospital for several nights. And so my brain is always like, "Oh my God. We have to prevent something like that from happening again," because it was truly the Universe looking out for us.

My husband just so happened to bring him for some routine blood work, and that's when these spots popped up, which were the platelets. And so, if we hadn't gotten that blood work, we would have taken a bit longer to figure it out. So I know that everything has our back, but it is a trauma. It's PTSD. I am working on it, but all of this is so reassuring and helpful.

Jessica: Let me throw something else into the mix of that, which is, in your birth chart—because you did share your birth chart with me, July 17th, 1992, 12:47 p.m. in Adak, Alaska—okay. So, in your birth chart, you've got a Saturn opposition to Mercury. And what this does is a lot of things, but relevant to this conversation, it gives you a hypervigilance. That's your nature. Platelet problem or not, this is your nature. You can be really rigid in your thinking when you're scared and kind of return to things with an editorial mind.

And so there's this way that you're looking at anything you love—Doug is the topic of conversation right now because the love is so pure and the baby is so golden, but also, this is kind of a thing that extends beyond Doug for you where you can look at it with an editorial mind of, "How can I make it better? How can I make it better? How can I make it better?" Which is, on a more spiritual level, "How can I be safe? How can I make me better?"

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: And there's a kind of function of this part of your nature which is really healthy and makes your life so much better, actually, and keeps things organized and together. And then there's a line, and it's so easy to cross it, and you spend a lot of time on the other side of the line. And it makes you miserable and can actually make things worse long term, right?

Leslie: Totally.

Jessica: And so I think, for you, another bit of advice I would give you—and we'll come back to Doug in a moment here, but when you have something that you tend to stress about, write out notes. And you can write out notes about 30 points of things that are important and that need managing, and then pick three. And then pick three. And each day, you can focus on three, not four, not 17. Three. It's about narrowing your focus to what's constructive and productive because, for instance, with Doug, there are so many things you do that are constructive and productive, and worrying about his health in between those things is not one of them because you've already done the things.

So, in organizing your thinking that way, it's not going to make your feelings change in the short term, but over time, it will because you'll have a reliable internal container that you can work with, which is basically what you do for everyone else. Just do it for yourself.

Leslie: Yeah. I love that. Cool.

Jessica: Okay. Good. So did you have other questions for Doug?

Leslie: Is there a favorite memory that comes up for him?

Jessica: That's interesting. So I'll preface this with I've rarely had dogs share memories with me. People ask me about dog memories a lot because—I think a lot of times because they adopt dogs, and they're like, "Well, what happened before?" Animals are often very Zen. But hold on. That said, let me see if he gives me something. Do you put him in outfits?

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: And do you put him in hats?

Leslie: Sometimes.

Jessica: Okay. It's weird. Dogs either fucking hate or love clothes. He seems to like them, and he especially likes the way people react to him in clothes. Is there a little soft hat that you've given him or that he's worn?

Leslie: Definitely. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. And was it for a photo shoot or a whole day of outfits, or a day where he got tons of attention and care?

Leslie: Yeah. We've had a few big commercials or photo shoots in New York where there is a crew of 50 people, and he gets the shot and they're all clapping for him, and he's—

Jessica: And he loves it.

Leslie: —so happy. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. So that's what he's showing me. He's almost showing it to me like photographs. I don't think it's because he understands photographs per se, but he's showing me these moments where he was dressed up and everyone was so excited by it, like so excited by it. He loves it. And there's something about—I don't know if it's this time or these times where he wore these soft hats or if he just quite likes a soft hat. Are you giving him a toque? You know what a toque is. You're from Alaska.

Leslie: Yeah. Yeah. Beanies?

Jessica: It's a beanie. Yeah. It's a beanie.

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: Is that what you have him wear?

Leslie: Uh-huh.

Jessica: He keeps on showing me this—it's a blue beanie. I don't know if it's the right color, but he keeps on showing me this little beanie, and he just loves—that was a great memory for him whenever he wears that beanie. So it could just be because you happened to put the beanie on him in these special occasions where everyone's like, "You're the queen of the castle." Hold on. Is he very particular about going for walks to pee?

Leslie: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Certain things just feel dirty to him, and he is not interested in doing them. He is very particular about going for walks and peeing. And you and your husband have very different ways of relating to that?

Leslie: Yeah. No, we have a beautiful front yard. It's fenced in, beautiful backyard that's fenced in. And we'll let him outside. I'm like, "Go pee. Go poop." And he'll go a little bit, but if we really want him to go, we have to take him down the street.

Jessica: That makes sense. And it looks almost like AstroTurf, like perfectly manicured lawn. You keep your lawn tight and short?

Leslie: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay.

Leslie: We have the lawn people even—their logo is a pug now that comes. They love Doug so much.

Jessica: That's so cute. That kills me.

[crosstalk]

Jessica: He doesn't find that to be the way. He's got a very particular way that he likes to get his business done, and he would prefer that there was less of a conversation about it every time.

Leslie: Okay.

Jessica: He's not a diva. I'm saying it in a way that makes him sound like a diva.

Leslie: Yeah. He can be a diva.

Jessica: But he's not even. He's just more like—that's his preference. He's trying to be chill. He tries to accommodate, but yeah. He just wanted you to know—

Leslie: That's hilarious.

Jessica: —he doesn't prefer the AstroTurf. That's how he's kind of just showing me your lawn. Maybe it's too short.

Leslie: Yeah. He does—when we take him on a walk, he goes to the longest grasses. And we do say stuff about it because we're like, "We don't want you to get fleas. We don't want you to get a tick. Doug, don't go in the long grass." But he's like a little bull. I mean, he's a Taurus. He charges right through it.

Jessica: He does like the way it feels. He's not going to change. What his preferences are are his preferences.

Leslie: He grew up, too, peeing in monkey grass in our apartments complex. And it's like that long monkey grass. So I wonder if we could plant some of that for him and let some grass grow.

Jessica: And see how that goes. I would, because he tries to be accommodating. He's not miserable or whatever. But he just knows what he likes, and I don't think he prefers the way it feels to walk on the grass when it's so short because it's a little sharper.

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: Again, it sounds like he's a diva, but he's really not. He's just sharing his preferences because this is one of the few things that he struggles with with the two of you. It's a conversation all the time, when he feels like, "Why is this a conversation?" So this is why he's bringing it up. It's literally the only thing—not his food, not his water. He likes the clothes. He likes everything but the pee time. He doesn't even like talking about poop, though. He's a little dainty in that way.

Leslie: Yeah. Yeah. He is for sure.

Jessica: Yeah. It's remarkable. I've never met a dog like this before, but he's talking to me about peeing and not pooping.

Leslie: Dougie.

Jessica: It's cute. What else do you want to know?

Leslie: I just thought of one thing. So, about a year ago, we started the Doug the Pug Foundation, and it helps children with childhood cancer and other life-threatening illnesses. And it's been probably the most rewarding thing that we've gotten to do with Doug's stardom/fame/following. Pre-COVID, we would get to bring him to the children's hospitals, and it was kind of like an out-of-body experience watching him interact with these kids who really needed this love. It just showed us how beyond special he is.

And now, it's a little different because we have to do more events that aren't hospital-based, but he's still able to raise all this money and doing these incredible things. I guess I just wanted to know if he realizes the impact that he's been able to have on people. People always ask us, "Does he know he's famous?" Like does he know not even that he's famous, because I think he knows that he loves the attention, but does he know that he's changed people's lives?

Jessica: That's interesting. He definitely doesn't frame it that way. He loved going to the hospital. He loved it. He would get on the kids, eh?

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. He keeps on showing me that he would get on them, and he knew they were sick and he knew he was helping them. So he really did like it. It was a little exhausting for him, but it was worth it. He was into it. He knows he's loved, and he knows that he has all the love he could ever want. And he knows that you feel loved because of him and not just from him. So he's aware of all of those things, but he is not—I don't think he has a context for internet fame or—you know what I mean? That may be a lot of explaining to do. But he has nothing to compare it to. He just feels like, "Oh, this is a happy dog life."

Leslie: Yeah. That's the best.

Jessica: He doesn't realize he has an exceptional dog life. It's interesting. He does miss going to the hospital. He did not tell me that he missed traveling, but he does miss lying on sick kids. And that's the way he shows it to me. He just shows me he kind of lies on their bodies and he touches them.

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: And that was really important to him because he could feel them being helped. He understands why it's not happening, but he hopes it happens again. Hold on. Is he a prancer? Does he kind of prance his little feet?

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. He keeps on showing me him prancing through the hospital. He just feels very proud of that job. He just feels very, very proud of that, and he does feel like that's a job, like it's a job he's really happy to have. Yeah. He's a really sweet guy, but he doesn't feel more famous than Fiona. He understands that he is a dog, and he gets different attention and he goes out and she doesn't. But he understands the hierarchy in the house. So keeping it humble.

Leslie: She keeps him in check. I love it. Go Fiona.

Jessica: Yeah. She's trying to keep everyone in check, including you and your husband, just FYI. She believes that's her role in life. So all hail is what I say. All hail.

Leslie: Well, that was the best. Thank you so much to give me the chance to talk to all of them. That was so cool.

Jessica: It's my joy. Now, did you have any questions you wanted to ask me about you?

Leslie: Yeah. So I guess I can give you, and kind of the listeners, a little bit of a backstory. I've gone through hell with my health journey. I am on the road up, the way up. I've suffered from endometriosis for the past seven, eight years.

Jessica: I'm so sorry.

Leslie: Thank you. I had my excision surgery, which was a huge day, like big, big surgery, on January 17th of this past year. So I'm three months officially post-op. I'm feeling so much better. I've had three cycles without excruciating, debilitating pain. And so life truly feels—

Jessica: Congratulations.

Leslie: Thank you. Life feels a lot lighter. The future feels lighter. But there's a lot that comes with it, and I do also still have autoimmune issues, Hashimoto's, issues with foods, just the whole thing. And I'm just kind of curious. I know I'm in my Saturn Return right now. I just want to see what you think my chart says about this health journey and what I can kind of home in on. I've listened to other episodes of yours. There was one episode with the girl who had ovarian cysts, and it was like you were talking to me because she and I had so much in common. So yeah. That's kind of it.

Jessica: So okay. Lots of things. First of all—so your Saturn Return is officially over. You're in the integration phase. But in your birth chart, you have Saturn in the fifth house, and it's part of a T-square, which is when we find the endometriosis. So your Saturn Return was getting the surgery. Your Saturn Return was over in February. So your Saturn Return was the surgery. It was the freedom that would come from taking responsibility for your health journey and, I imagine, making sacrifices. So that's a lot. And do you want me to slow down at all?

Leslie: No. It just makes me emotional because it was such a big decision and the scariest thing. And it wasn't covered under insurance, and it was a huge, "Are we going to go for this? This has to be the thing that works after trying everything for years." And just hearing that is the biggest "I knew it" feeling.

Jessica: Yeah.

Leslie: I told myself I wouldn't cry, but…

Jessica: No. You're good to cry. And also, you 100 percent did the right thing because the surgery, it looks like, was really, more than anything, you really—at the risk of sounding dramatic—but it is this dramatic feeling for you. You deciding to be here and you investing in yourself—that's what this was. And I don't know if you have any kind of fears around medical stuff, but your chart kind of looks like it. So getting a surgery—some people are like, "Oh well. I gotta get a surgery." You're probably not one of those people. It is a big deal.

Now, in regards to—so let me be grounded in this question because you said Hashimoto's and something else.

Leslie: Mostly just the Hashimoto's and hormonal imbalance and adrenal fatigue and just unable to feel that balanced, back to everything kind of flowing properly and working properly stillness.

Jessica: So are you on medications for Hashimoto's specifically?

Leslie: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. And do you feel like they work?

Leslie: Not really.

Jessica: I mean, honestly, I've never met anyone with a thyroid condition who's really happy with their medication. It's just constantly shifting, and it's terrible. And you do energy work and herbology for your dog. How about for you?

Leslie: Oh yeah. Yeah, I do all that stuff. Yeah.

Jessica: Great. So I'm looking at your Venus/Chiron conjunction in Leo, and that's where we see the Hashimoto's. The difficulty in getting the right treatment is kind of articulated in a few places in your chart, unfortunately, although I think pretty much everyone who has Hashimoto's has a hard time getting the right treatment. I hate to say this to you. I feel really bad about it, but diet. There are so many things that your body just doesn't do well digesting. So do you have a restricted diet?

Leslie: I do. I am gluten-free, dairy-free, soy-free. I am three months no alcohol. It wasn't something that I drink a lot or very frequently, but it would totally wreck me for days if I did. And then, as of today and listening to your podcast yesterday, I think I need to make a hard stop on caffeine because it has been really—I just don't feel like my body is able to metabolize what it should.

Jessica: I agree. So I'm glad to hear—I mean, I'm sorry about all those dietary restrictions, but I'm glad to hear—I don't know that you do well with spice, like hot stuff or very hot stuff. But yeah. Chocolate, caffeine, alcohol—enemies. They're your enemies, unfortunately.

Leslie: Chocolate.

Jessica: I know. So ignore that as much as you like. You know what I mean? I don't want to encourage you to be rigid with yourself because that'll create its own problems. But it's more about really recognizing that your body is incredibly sensitive, and it really likes certain things and it really doesn't like everything else. And there's a way that when you're in the stage right now of kind of shifting foundationally your health, your dietary stuff I think you probably need to be a little more restricted to give your body a real chance. And then, when things get a little more stable-feeling in your system, that's when you can experiment with extra bits of chocolate, and "What about tea if I can't have coffee?" and that kind of stuff.

But this Moon in the sixth house, you have it square to Mars. It's like you do really well with eating all day long, small amounts. Large meals do not do well with your system. And this kind of destabilizes you, and this—obviously I'm not a fucking doctor. Hopefully, this agrees with what doctors say to you, right? I have to say that just—I know it's obvious, but I have to say it. But it looks like what happens is when your digestive stuff is off, everything gets a little worse with your immune stuff. And it's going to be a whole new world for you now that you have hopefully handled the endometriosis. Life is going to be a whole new thing.

But your system is just incredibly sensitive, and you get thrown off. It doesn't just throw off your physical health; it kind of looks like it hurts your feelings. When your body doesn't work the way you want it to, it makes you emo. And you're a Cancer, so you're entitled. But it's still really rough. Also, recovering your adrenals is slow, slow work. It's such slow work. And I would say of all the things you have going on, that's the one to prioritize right now. I don't know if that's what you are prioritizing. The reason why I say this is partially because I do see you have an acidic body type, and you are a stressy person, which is weird because you're also really good at relaxing and being a hedonist.

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: But when you're not stressing and relaxing, you're a stressy person. It's either/or, it looks like, for you. And so the thing about the symptoms of adrenal fatigue and the symptoms of Hashimoto's are hard to parse out from each other. I don't know if you've noticed that as well.

Leslie: Yeah. For sure.

Jessica: Yeah. And so dealing with the adrenal stuff, I think, will help clarify what your thyroid needs, whereas if you focus on the Hashimoto's, it's going to be a little bit harder to, again, parse it out. And I think a lot of times, doctors—conventional doctors—are really happy to deal with Hashimoto's and not so happy to deal with adrenal fatigue and stuff. And so it just makes it kind of you're on your own, which is really frustrating. But this is where you're at. Now, say your full name one more time for me.

Leslie: Leslie Ann Mosier.

Jessica: Are you still recovering from the surgery?

Leslie: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: That's what it feels like. When I look at you energetically, it's almost like you haven't integrated. It's like you took this part of your body, and you put it outside of you because it was painful. On a lot of levels, it was painful. And then surgery was so invasive. And if you're still doing energy work, if you're still working with the healer, or if you just do basic five-minute-long meditation in bed before you go to sleep, I would practice talking to your body and touching your body and being like, "Hey, buddy. We're in this together. Let's get to know each other again. Let's be friends," because that already helps. When I look at you energetically, it already helps.

You're very good with energy work. You're good at trusting your intuition once you give yourself permission to trust your intuition. You're just weird with giving yourself permission.

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. Your inner dad is kind of a dick, but when he gets on board, you're good. You're good.

Leslie: Right.

Jessica: So I do see that that will help, and also—again, not a doctor—do you work with vagus nerve? Do you do nervous system work, work with your vagus nerve, at all?

Leslie: I could do more of it. So our next-door neighbor is actually—does brain work, and she—I remember one time, she let me borrow an vagus nerve tool that you—it does this whole thing. So I can make that more of a priority.

Jessica: I would encourage you to. And there's YouTube and all this kind of stuff. I mean, there are so many really simple, free things you can do. I would play with all of them and pick whatever feels the most sustainable because it's better for you to do it more frequently than for you to do the perfect thing rarely. You know what I mean? And I can see you get quite perfectionistic. So it's the consistency. Hold on. And do you want to—you said you don't want to birth human babies; is that correct?

Leslie: At this time, I don't. My husband and I are not really wanting to.

Jessica: You're not there at this time.

Leslie: Yeah. I'm not 100 percent closed off to it, but in no way is that something that I desire currently.

Jessica: Great. I just want to take a moment to validate that.

Leslie: Yes, please.

[crosstalk]

Jessica: Yeah. You're a Cancer, and so lots of people will say, "You're a Cancer. You'll be a great mom." Also, your personality—people meet you; they're like, "Oh my God. Do you have 50 children?" You've got the personality of somebody who'd be a great caretaker/nurturer. Yeah, but I don't see that you want to be a parent. There's none of the markers that I look for in your chart for wanting to be a parent. And so it's not just about procreation, although that too. It's about parenting. If you felt like, "Yeah, I don't want to be a mom," I want to validate, yeah, I see that you felt that—

Leslie: Wow.

Jessica: —and also, I don't see it changing. It might, but I don't see it.

Leslie: Yeah. I keep waiting for it to come. I'm at the age where all of our friends are starting to have kids, and I love their—I babysat our friend's baby yesterday, and he is the cutest baby ever. I should be like—if I wanted it, my ovaries would be like, "You want a baby. Go have a baby." But I've felt guilt about that. There's—I don't know. I do feel like Rob and I would be great parents, but I also don't feel like it would be fair to have a child just because that's what we should do. And so we take it very seriously, and I'm proud of us as a couple for having the conversations that we do and asking ourselves, "Okay, but do we want to be parents?" And I'm not trying to think about what's going to happen when we're really old—who's going to take care of us? It's like, no, do we want a child? And I just want more pugs.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. I do see that, honestly. There's nothing in your chart that suggests that you would be happier with human babies. Honestly, also, the ways that your relationship thrives, from what I'm seeing in your birth chart, some of them would go away if you had kids. Some of meaningful ways would go away if you had kids, because kids are constant compromise, constant negotiation of responsibility.

Leslie: Wow.

Jessica: And you guys do good. You guys do good with that stuff. But it's because you're meeting as two independent people, and that's harder to maintain when you have babies.

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: This is a great choice, as far as I'm concerned. I don't imagine that this is going to change for you, and if it does, you can cross that bridge. But I am personally of the mind that loving children, working with children, being the best aunt or babysitter or whatever, has nothing to do with being a parent. Some people are amazing parents and they hate children. And some people love children, and they just don't want to parent. Plus it would be a terrible time for your body, but that's not—

Leslie: Right? That's the other thing, is I just went through eight years of extreme pain with my female reproductive system. And not to be morbid, I know—maybe we should say a trigger warning—I know so many women struggle with infertility and miscarriages, and that's something that I am predispositioned to with my health. So I'm like, I'm happy. I'm content. I don't want to change anything. I don't want to risk anything. And even self-love, it's a hard thing for me. Body dysmorphia—I don't know. I just don't have that calling.

Jessica: From my perspective, I just say lean into it. And if the feeling changes, change your mind. Whatever. You've changed your mind before. You can change it again.

Leslie: True.

Jessica: But again, there's nothing in your chart that suggests the drive to carry a child or the drive to parent. So you can put that in your pipe and smoke it. And tell all your friends that they can hang out with your pugs when they get tired of their children. You know what I mean?

Leslie: Exactly.

Jessica: The pressure to have kids I find to be really odd. For everyone who doesn't want to have kids, I'm a big fan of, "Okay. Cool. Don't do it." What's important for you is having a home and having a family. That's deeply important to you. And if you have a home and you have a family—which are kind of just like synonyms, but they touch on different parts—then you're living in accordance with your truth. I don't know if you have a house with land, but I think eventually you're going to need that. You do well with space. But you're young, so one day. It doesn't have to be today. And yeah, the kids thing is not showing up as big. That said, is momager your full-time job, or do you do something on the side as well?

Leslie: It is full-time job, but I'm leaning into musician more—singer/songwriter.

Jessica: That's great. Congratulations.

Leslie: Thanks.

Jessica: Do you have any questions about that?

Leslie: Yeah. I mean, so it's been an interesting journey. I started when I was 16 years old and had a really cool opportunity where I was able to record an album at the Goo Goo Dolls' studio in Buffalo.

Jessica: Wow.

Leslie: It was a dream come true. My song was on the radio in my hometown, and that's why I moved to Nashville and then had some kind of tough experiences in the music industry, put it away for like ten years, and then my wonderful husband is a musician and a producer. And so we built a studio in our basement, and now music is a major part of our lives. He is producing, and he's produced new music of mine. And I'm going to be releasing my first few songs soon, and I'm making the music that I want to make. It's all very empowering, kind of like self-love anthem-type music, very early 2000s. But yeah. I would love to have any guidance on what that side of things—because that's like—obviously, Doug the Pug is dream come true, dream job, but music for both Rob and I is our first love. That is such a passion.

Jessica: First of all, congratulations on all of that.

Leslie: Thank you.

Jessica: Very cool. And the thing I see for you with music is that you love it. You love, love it. And the thing we talked about that Doug kind of pointed us to earlier about how you can get hypervigilant and kind of come with an editorial eye at things, the further things go with the music, the more you're going to have to deal with that part of yourself so that you don't ruin the thing you love by putting too much pressure on it. That's the only kind of word of warning I have around your relationship to music, is that—they say play music, like, "Let's play music," and you don't want to ever forget the play part.

You've got a lot of Leo in you, so you're well suited to that, but you've got Saturn in the fifth house. When we have Saturn in the fifth house, you can turn art into a job, which—

Leslie: Yeah. Everything I do, I'm like, "I can monetize this."

Jessica: Right. Right. You can really [crosstalk] a thing. And that can be really good, right? And it can also strip some of the joy and the play from it. And so my impulse is to say to you—because listen. Real talks. You are impatient. You are very impatient. This is like slowly unwrapping a gift because you know it's going to be good, not ripping open the wrapping paper. Do not rip open the wrapping paper here. It's like scratching an itch for you, but it is more related to your anxiety impulses than your creative impulses.

Leslie: Wow.

Jessica: Does that make sense?

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. So you actually are going to start going through something in May 2022. It's a once-in-a-lifetime transit called Neptune square to the Midheaven. It lasts two years, and there's a lot of things I can tell you about it. But in regards to having a debut album or debut for the first time in ten years album, it's actually a great transit. It's a sticky time to sign contracts. So, if you do have the opportunity to get a music deal or something, triple-check everything. Don't sign away your rights, your IP. Be very protective of your IP for all things you're doing in the next couple years.

Aside from the business side of things being potentially a little sticky in this period because you have to have good boundaries—that's what this period's going to require of you—in regards to making music and also being seen in the world as a creative, this is an amazing time for that. I would just say that if you're going to make a video or perform in some way, there's a value in considering, do you want to show up as Leslie or do you want to show up as the singer that you are? Do you need to kind of create a glamour of yourself when you're onstage so that there is some separation for you? Because if it's all 100 percent you 100 percent of the time, more of your hypervigilance comes through, and that's where you get—you have a harder time with play.

Leslie: Yeah. I mean, that checks out because sometimes I feel such a call to feel so authentic, and I have to be this vulnerable, authentic, 100 percent me that it feels like I'm giving a little bit of my identity to the public. And I've stepped back a bit from posting so much on my personal Instagram for that reason. It was very helpful while I was going through my endo journey so intensely because I was able to connect with so many people around the world going through the same thing. But when it comes to my music and me, the essence of me, it feels very sacred. And I feel such a call to go more inward and protect her. So that's a really interesting tip.

Jessica: I have this thing. It's like I have stupid nicknames that I make for things in my head, and I used to suggest this to my artist clients all the time, or I've suggested this to many artist clients. But I have this concept of action slacks—as an artist, when you put yourself in the world, to put on your action slacks. So put on some sort of glamour, some sort of thing that reminds your body that you are performing. It's not just you're not performing your authentic self; your performance comes from your authentic self. And it is healthy to have some separation and have that be, again, glamoured—because I'm talking about Neptune, so it's really all about glamour—so that you are giving yourself wiggle room around how you share that authentic offering. Does that make sense, the difference?

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: It's something for you to play with. And I tend to be of the mind that if you have this idea that you don't really wear skirts, but whenever you perform you do, or you don't wear hats, but whenever you perform you do—kind of like Doug and the beanie.

Leslie: Yeah.

Jessica: Having this thing that feels like a reminder to you that you don't have to bare your soul in order to do this thing you love. And I honestly think this is a common thing for people online, this idea that you have to self-disclose compulsively all the time. So much pressure to do that. And I don't think we need to cannibalize our insides in order to have careers or to connect to other people. This is part of being post-Saturn Return, as you are. For a month or two months, you are post-Saturn Return. But this is part of being post-Saturn Return. It's really identifying, "I know who I am. How do I want to show up in the world?" and knowing that you actually get to set the tone for that. You don't have to do anything. You can do what you want. So play with that, and keep on playing with it.

Leslie: So cool. I love this so much.

Jessica: Yay.

Leslie: I'm just so excited and can't wait to tell Fiona what a queen she is.

Jessica: Well, first of all, I'm so thrilled. And it was so great to talk to your whole family. I want to thank you. This has been really awesome.

Leslie: Thank you.

I don't always talk about the Pluto Return of the United States, and that's for lots of reasons, including there's always a lot going on. But when we go through a transit, either in this situation—I'm talking about the nation of the United States is going through a transit, but also, this holds true for when you as an individual are going through a transit by something like Neptune or Pluto where it lasts around two years. In that phase, just about everything you experience and that you do, it's a reflection or an embodiment of the transit you're going through. And so, while it is tempting to imagine that now that Trump isn't president, there's nothing to worry about and everything is fine in this nation, that would be an error in judgment. That would be inaccurate.

As we are in this transit of the Pluto Return, what we do both domestically to the people, the states, the communities here in this nation, but also how we engage with other nations and their feelings about us, their actions towards us, their expectations of us—all of these things are the embodiment and articulation of the Pluto Return. And while none of us as individuals can necessarily change the course of time and history, we are all part of it because we are all here and we are all participants. And whether we as individuals or as communities decide to tap out and do nothing and just wait and see what other people do, whether we are obstructionists or we are actively trying to shift the course of things—wherever we fall, we are all a part of things. We are all a part of things.

There's a couple things that I want to just kind of bring your attention to, and one of them is this incredibly big deal, which is that the Republican National Community, which is referred to as the RNC, has voted unanimously to end more than three decades of bipartisan civic cooperation and to no longer participate in presidential debates. They don't want to do this because from what I can understand, they feel that it is unfair that journalists ask them the questions that they are asked. But having journalists facilitate presidential debates is really important. It's really important. And you know if you've been on this journey with me through Ghost of a Podcast over the years that I am a big, passionate fan of journalism and a free press. And this is actually very concerning in that regard.

Whatever you think of this American experiment, whether we have a democracy or it's slipping from our hands or whatever it is, if we want to have a democratic nation, we have to have a free press and we have to have vigorous public debate that is respectful. I mean, that's the way we come to the truth. And again, you can apply that to your personal life. You can apply that to this nation. But it is important for you to be aware of this, just like it's important to be aware of the fact that the Republican Party is really passionately and quite effectively passing legislation across this nation to limit or curtail completely our access to abortion and, at the same time, going after Trans youth and vilifying Trans and Queer people.

It is an attack on body autonomy. It is an attack on everyone's body economy except for, I guess, straight men. I'm guessing their main hope is white straight men. But this attack on body economy is so profound and so important, and it is absolutely a part of the Pluto Return of the United States. So what are you going to do about it? Well, you can make sure that your representatives, your elected officials, know what you think and what you feel. And if you're in the financial position to, you can educate yourself about the companies that you shop with or the banks that you do business with, what they spend their money on, who they're backing, and if there is an alternative that is more ethical and more aligned with your values, put your money there. It is really important that we participate with intention in the world around us. And it is healthy and wise to be outraged about these things.

But if we get blocked and stopped up at outrage, then potentially we are aligning with the perpetrators. We want to take our outrage and our upset and our demoralization and allow ourselves to experience it until we are ready for action, and then find a way to be activated. Find something you can do, big or small. Do something if you can. A meaningful part of that is actually also being educated. Hopefully I, an astrologer on an astrology podcast, am not breaking news to you, because this, my friends, is not a news podcast. If any of the things I've said is brand-new information, I invite you to become more interested in the world around you and to find sources that are interesting enough, engaging enough for you to actually listen to them because to be a spiritual person means caring about others, which brings us to one more very important thing I want to touch on before we get into this week's horoscope. And it's pandemic fatigue.

Pandemic fatigue is real. I am fucking exhausted by this pandemic. Are you? I know that most all of us, if not all of us, are desperate for this shit to be over, for the pandemic to be over. And if you look at, again, some of the laws that are being passed and the way that many businesses are being run, the way a lot of things are going, you might have a feeling of, "Oh, it's over. My social media feeds are full of people being like, 'Oh, when the pandemic was happening,' and, 'Now that the pandemic is over.'"

And just because we want the pandemic to be over doesn't mean it's over. COVID-19 is not endemic yet. It's still a pandemic. And you may have the personal freedom to, I don't know, not wear a mask on a plane or in a public bus, to go and get your hair cut and do it maskless. You absolutely in most places have the personal freedoms to do that, but it doesn't make it right. It doesn't make it right, because listen. We talk about ableism, right? We talk about ableism here on Ghost of a Podcast. We talk about it in the world because we are caring people.

Caring for people who are medically sensitive for any reason—for any reason—is such a simple thing to do in your actions. And when all you do is think about it, talk about it, like a post about it, it ends up making you ableist. So, if you go to a bar and you're, I don't know, 26 years old, and everyone in the bar is in their 20s and no one's wearing a mask and it feels fine—right? It feels fine. Everybody there seems healthy. Let's say nobody there has any immunocompromised issues. Everybody is healthy. Everybody's consenting to being maskless indoors in an environment. Okay. Fine. Let's say that's the case. Every single one of those people step out of the bar and into the world. And because it's an airborne pandemic, all the people they come in contact with are not able to consent to whether or not they're exposed if you persist in walking around without a mask on.

Whether we're talking about really young children, elderly folks, unvaccinated folks, whether we're talking about people who are struggling with cancer or Lyme's disease or any number of things, it takes so little to wear a mask. I mean, listen. Do I like my mask me? No. Do I find masks to be sometimes claustrophobic and always uncomfortable? Yes. It's a pain in the ass. But it is such a small action, it's such a small step to take, to actively care for other people, to make sure that others are safe, and in particular people who are vulnerable medically, people who are essential workers who deal with more exposure than anyone else because they're working with the public all the damn time. Wear a mask around them. It's such a small thing, but it is really the ethical thing to do. Just because you can do a thing doesn't make it right.

I want to invite you, if this makes you feel defensive or angry—which, if I'm being honest, whenever I talk about wearing masks on the podcast, I get angry messages from people, which blows my mind. But if it makes you angry, if it makes you defensive, I invite you to actually just look into that. What is that about? Because, worst-case scenario, it's silly and unnecessary to wear a mask. Right? But the best-case scenario and most likely scenario is that you are protecting the lives of people who need you to be considerate. Do your best to not be ableist. Investigate the ways in which you may be ableist, and understand that wearing a mask indoors in public spaces is such a small step towards protecting people in your community. It's such a small thing to do. So maybe put that mask back on.

All right. Okay. Let us get into your horoscope. And this week, we're in the final week of April. We're looking at the transits from April 24th through the 30th of 2022. And yeah, there's a lot to say. There's a lot to say. Spoiler alert, it all culminates in an Eclipse on the 30th. And because it all culminates in an Eclipse on the 30th, what you should know is that emotions are running high, just really activated, because that's what Eclipses do. They intensify our emotions. And that can be a beautiful thing; it can be a stressful thing or an overwhelming thing or anything in between. But it is a thing. It is a thing.

So you may notice that you're just feeling really a lot of feelings or that the people around you are super emo. I want to encourage you to have some amount of patience with that if you can, to be interested in your own emotions or how it feels to be around emotional people, because doing that, you're working with the energy instead of fighting against it this Eclipse season. Okay. Let's get into it.

On the 24th, we've got two exact transits, one of which I told you about last week. The first one is called Mercury square to Saturn, and the second is Mercury sextile to Neptune. These two transits happening at the same time is actually really great news because the potential for Mercury sextile to Neptune to soften the impact of Mercury square to Saturn is real, and that's what we want. The square between Mercury and Saturn tends to be a bit stressful. Mercury is your mind. It's your attitudes, your thoughts. It is related to your disposition. And Saturn is scarcity-minded, generally speaking.

When these two planets clash, as a square implies, what we can often find ourselves in is a scarcity mindset. You may be feeling lonely or depressive. Your thoughts may be returning to what you don't have or what you wish you had or what you think other people have. It's kind of a depressive transit. It literally can depress your thoughts. It can make it harder for you to listen to others or to feel like you're effectively communicating what's on your mind. This is not a great time for processing with people, even though it is likely to provoke situations where you feel like you should be processing with people. So it's sticky.

The Mercury sextile to Neptune is quite supportive. This transit fortifies our ability to listen and to have a more empathetic and considerate mindset. You can see why this would be a really good thing to have alongside the Mercury square to Saturn. It can support us in remembering to be kind and to be patient, when Saturn can put us in a frame of mind where we feel like, "Well, I need to take care of myself because I'm feeling shitty," right? So it can put us in a selfish frame of mind because scarcity mindsets tend to lean towards selfish conduct.

These transits are really good for organizing your thoughts or your plans in general because Saturn can be quite stabilizing, and Neptune is expansive. So this is not a bad time for looking at your plans in whatever material way that may show up in your life and considering whether or not they're working for you. It's also a time where you may feel that you have to be humble about something, that you may need to check in with something you've done wrong or that you failed to do, and instead of getting into a punishing mindset or devolving into any kind of guilt, this is a great time for taking responsibility. And if you do that, it can actually lead to some sort of form of a spiritual experience. In fact, I would argue that being authentically humble is a spiritual experience—so not being a martyr, not being a guilt monster, but owning the good, the bad, and the ugly. That can be deeply spiritual and grounding.

So simply watch out for negative or scarcity-based thinking. And if you find that you can't get out of those kinds of loops, just know that this isn't a great time for making decisions or having important conversations. If you're feeling lonely, it will likely pass, but again, I want to encourage you to be willing to investigate how your attitudes, your actions, the way you're communicating, whether or not you're listening to others, is playing a role in your current state because whenever we go through transits, we have the opportunity to make use of the energy and not just suffer through it in trying to survive. So that's a good thing to think about this Mercury square to Saturn/sextile to Neptune.

Now, on the 26th, we have two things going on. One is another Mercury transit. We've got a lot of Mercury happening this week. Mercury will be forming an exact sextile to Jupiter. This, again, is an excellent transit to have coincide with the Mercury square to Saturn because it is really expansive. It empowers us to see the big picture. It can put us in kind of an optimistic frame of mind. It can make it easier to be generous with others, to be broad-minded. It can inspire us to have social adventures and to connect with people in a way that feels really life-affirming and lovely. So yay to Mercury sextile to Jupiter.

Now, as an astrologer who has been counseling people for more than 25 years, I will say that I am of the mind that whenever we're going through a difficult transit, a painful transit, most humans tend to feel that the most. We tend to focus on that the most. And that's not astrological; that's just human fucking nature. So it may be tempting or feel inevitable somehow to slip into the negative frame of mind that Mercury square to Saturn provokes, but Mercury sextile to Jupiter and sextile to Neptune, exact on the 24th and 26th and overlapping with each other—they're there. And all it takes is a shift in perspective. And I say all it takes—it might be difficult for you, depending on a number of factors. But the energy is there if you choose to use it to see the positive side, to be empathetic towards yourself and others, to be broad-minded and even optimistic in how you approach things, how you respond to things.

Now, I mentioned there's two things happening on the 26th. The other thing happening is the Mercury Retrograde shadow begins. So don't freak out. It's not Mercury Retrograde. Mercury is not Retrograde until May 10th, at which point it will be Retrograde until June 3rd, so it's not even a full month. And I promise to talk about that more when there's less going on and closer to the date. But the Mercury Retrograde shadow is a time where we start to feel like it's not raining Mercury Retrograde, but maybe it's drizzling Mercury Retrograde. Maybe it's overcast enough that you're like, "Oh shit. Mercury Retrograde is coming." You're going to feel it a little bit.

And so this is the time to tighten up your plans. Don't wait until the Mercury Retrograde. If you can organize your life in such a way that major decisions or travel plans don't need to happen during that Mercury Retrograde phase May 10th through June 3rd, great. You've got enough time to do it. But if you start to notice communication meltdowns or technological issues, blame it on the shadow. But after you're done blaming, get to work to working with and around it.

And that brings us, my friends, to the next exact transit of the week. This is a Venus conjunction to Neptune. And this transit, I shall tell you, is not easy. Venus and Neptune are the two romantics of the zodiac, and when they sit on top of each other—in the zodiac sign of Pisces, no less—this can lead to major romanticism, which maybe sounds good to you. Maybe that sounds fantastic to you. I'm sure there will be astrologers who interpret this as a lovely, wonderful thing. But here's the problem. Neither Neptune nor Venus are known for having healthy boundaries. In fact, both planets tend to want to see the positive side even when there's lots of evidence that it's not even there.

On and around the 27th, it's important to not place others on a pedestal, to not idealize situations and people. This is a terrible time for spending large amounts of money on impractical things, just a terrible time. And I mention it because Venus will often try to buy happy, to get pretty things to make the ugly feelings we are having kind of go away or be put out of focus. And Neptune can compel us to feel like, "Eh, it'll be fine. Everything will be fine." So, yeah, be careful with your finances this week and certainly on and around the 27th.

Venus conjunction to Neptune can be a transit that coincides with great romantic potential. And if you experience that, yay you. Lean into it. However, don't assume that anything that happens on and around this date is real. And I'm not saying assume it's not real. I'm definitely not saying that. But you want to allow a lot of space for things to play out. Don't attach what's happening in this present moment to the future. Try to just stay present with it. And when it comes to romantic situations and dynamics, I do want to encourage you to be safe.

So, if you're having sex with other people, have safer sex. This isn't the time to take any kind of risk with your health. This is a great time for creative and romantic potential and experiencing leaning into having romantic and creative potential, enjoying it, letting it fill you up, exploring it. It's not necessarily a great time for—and I put air quotes on this—"reality." Not a great time for that. And so time will tell if whatever it is that you're experiencing now or putting your energy into now is going to have roots to it or not. And if anything doesn't last, that doesn't mean it's not good for you or that it's not valuable to you. So be present. Be present if you can.

Another thing about the Venus/Neptune conjunction is it can make mundane reality feel like a total boner, like you don't want to deal with it at all. It can be hard to stay associated with things that are boring or that feel like they're lacking in specialness or meaning. And whether or not that's actually a good thing for you to experience is unique and personal to you. But this transit certainly does not favor routine, mundane shit. Also, it can make us feel easily disappointed, again, because we have a tendency to project things onto people or put people or situations on a pedestal. So, if you catch yourself imagining that someone is perfect or that your new crush is absolutely amazing and nothing could possibly go wrong, remember my words and give it a little bit of time to see what actually happens. Don't attach to those feelings even if you're having them.

The best way to enjoy this transit is without attachments, and that is difficult, but it is good work. You know what I mean? It's good work if you can get it, and if you can't get it, it's still good work. The final thing I'll say about this transit is Neptune governs anxiety. And so, for some people, this transit may provoke or kick off body-image issues, issues with your gender, beauty stuff. It might make you feel anxious about these things or like it's hard to be in your body around these things. And if that emerges for you, while again I don't encourage you to attach to your narratives, especially if the narratives you have running are around what other people think about you or what other people feel about you—because you're likely to be off about that—I do want to encourage you to not abandon yourself around these feelings and thoughts and to instead embrace herself.

If you're feeling shitty about yourself, my advice is to be kind to yourself. Oh, you're having a shit day and you feel shitty. What do you need? How can you nurture yourself? Neptune can kind of compel us to give ourselves less, to starve ourselves out, to go into a kind of martyred or denial-based approach at self-care. And that really doesn't work. So, instead, I want to encourage you to nurture yourself if you're struggling with any kind of anxiety stuff on and around this date. And luckily, on the 28th, we have an exact transit—another one from Mercury; this one is a Mercury trine to Pluto—that is very supportive in doing that. Mercury trine to Pluto is a transit that empowers us to go deep without a lot of pain.

And so this transit makes it more possible or likely that you will be able to explore complicated and potentially painful or difficult thoughts and attitudes and to do it with a healing mindset instead of a self-flagellation mindset. This is a great time for having deep conversations with yourself and with people, and if you have a shrink, it is a great time for therapy, any kind of talk therapy. Mercury trine to Pluto supports us in going deep. And this is, therefore, a really good transit for healing work. And because we are still feeling that Mercury square to Saturn, because we are still feeling that Venus conjunction to Neptune, it's important that you direct your thinking towards what is constructive, what is healthy, what is supportive, because it's always compelling to point our attention towards our loudest thoughts and our loudest feelings, but they're not reliably the most honest and true ones to what we're actually experiencing.

So be willing to do a little bit of digging, a little bit of self-exploration here, because the transits we're going through support being able to make a great deal of headway if you do that. There are some difficult transits happening, but there are very supportive transits happening alongside them. And whenever I see this, I get excited because I know that if you're willing to do the work, this can be a healing time. And I should contextualize this by saying having a healing time doesn't mean having an easy or a fun time inherently, but it does mean that if the Universe is giving you a bunch of lemons, you will make delicious and nutritious lemonade out of it.

So, all of that said, my loves, it brings us to the 30th. And on the 30th, we have a Solar Eclipse in Taurus. And on the same day, we have an exact Venus conjunction in Jupiter. And I'm going to unpack this chart with you, but before I do, my loves, let me remind you of this: Solar Eclipses, Lunar Eclipses, all the Eclipses are not a good time for doing manifestation work. It is not a good time for doing spiritual work. So listen. When I say don't do spiritual work, if you're a spiritual person and everything you do is essentially spiritual, then keep on doing you. I'm saying this is not a good time to do extra. Don't manifest. It's not a great time for taking drug trips. This is not a good time for trying to pile more onto the energy that the Eclipse brings.

This is when we are meant to let things unfold and reveal themselves to us, not to try to make things happen. And the way that I always try to describe this is when we try to manifest or do spiritual work during Eclipse season, and in particular on the Eclipses, it's like doing so on a fault line. And I sit here in the Bay Area, and I know all about fault lines. It's where earthquakes happen, and they can be very dangerous because the energy is unpredictable, and it can go really far outside of our control quickly. And so it's a time not to do, but instead to receive.

The thing about Eclipses is that they do have an air and an energy of inevitability to them. There's something evolutionary about them. And so what happens through the Eclipses is meant to aid or reflect our own evolution. It's kind of cool. And this is true for us as a community, us as a nation, us as a world, and it's also true for us as individuals, of course. And so be careful, my loves. Don't take on more than you need to is what I'm trying to get at here.

Now, Solar Eclipses happen during New Moons. And that means the Sun and Moon are exactly conjoined during a Solar Eclipse. And here we have a Solar Eclipse in Taurus, and this is a really potent form of energy because our feelings—the Moon—and our identity—the Sun—are in alignment. And the potential for coming into greater clarity and being able to seed things is really strong. But—of course, there's a but. Come on. There's always a but. But with this Solar Eclipse, we have a Uranus conjunction to the Sun and Moon. So the Uranus is at 14 degrees, and the Sun and Moon are at 10 degrees. And if you want to know to the minute, per usual, subscribe to Astrology For Days, where you can get the exact details on all the transits, when they're happening, and the degrees at which they are happening over at astrologyfordays.com.

Okay. So having Uranus conjoined the Sun and Moon creates this unpredictability to this Eclipse. Taurus doesn't like unpredictability. It's a sense-based fixed-earth sign. It likes stability and some measure of predictability and beauty and diplomacy. And Uranus says, "Fuck all of that. Let's run." And so this transit comes to us with a wild card, and this wild card is Uranus. This may mean that something emerges within you, something emerges in your life, that better aligns you with what is authentic and gives you greater feeling or puts some sort of spotlight on where you will achieve more freedom or how you can be more authentic. Beautiful, right?

It can also utterly destabilize you and make you feel like something came out of left field, and it totally threw you for a loop and you don't know what to do. Now, again, it's an Eclipse, so don't do anything. Instead, try to stay present. Acknowledge your feelings. Be present for whatever it is that's happening now. And part of being present is being cognizant of our past and centered around what we do or don't know about our future. The Uranus conjunction to this Eclipse is going to bring about the unpredictable. In addition to that, Uranus is related to our nervous system, so it may make you feel a little anxious.

Again, this kind of restlessness that Uranus is known for is actually reiterated in a couple places in this chart. Uranus is not about the status quo. Uranus is individualistic and all about kind of going its own way. It can be associated with humanitarian efforts, but it's also associated with individualism, which as we know can be quite toxic. This transit may kind of bring up a situation or feelings or some sort of revelation that is really freeing, or it might bring you around a corner and land you in someplace that you really weren't planning on being. And you kinda gotta roll with it one way or another.

Now, in this chart, we have a Mars in Pisces sextile to all those Taurus placements. And in fact, it's worth mentioning that including the North Node, we've got four planets in Taurus. We've also got four planets in Pisces. So it's very empathetic, very loving energy on the positive. On the negative, these are energies that incline us to want to say, "Everything is fine. Everything's going to be fine. Nothing is bad." And that can get us into trouble. The Mars sextile to the Solar Eclipse and to Uranus is fortifying and strengthening. It empowers us to take action if action is needed. It can be really good for sex or for moving forward with your goals.

But on a deeper, more emotional level—because, again, this is an Eclipse—it is strengthening, and it can really help to fortify you. So, if you're experiencing classic Mars energies—a.k.a. anger, passion, ambition, horniness, all of these things—again, I want to encourage you to explore those emotions. Be interested in those emotions because if they are coming up during an Eclipse, yeah, there's a reason for it. And it's one worth exploring.

One way or another, this Eclipse is likely to bring about some sort of turning point. And that turning point may be really subtle and very personal and internal for you, or it may be something kind of major that happens in your life. Whatever it is, remember that Taurus is a sign that is associated with our value systems. So make sure that the ways that you're choosing to behave, the ways that you're talking to yourself or you're treating other people, your actions and attitudes in general, reflect your values.

This is a very Venusian Solar Eclipse because we've got this Venus/Jupiter conjunction with Neptune involved, and Venus is the ruling planet to the zodiac sign of Taurus. And so it may be tempting to go the diplomatic way, to be accommodating instead of being authentic. But I want to bring your attention to what is authentic and to act as diplomatically as you feel is appropriate around what is authentic instead of centering, "How can I be accommodating? How can I be easygoing in this situation?"

If we use this Eclipse energy to become more authentic, then the turning point it will bring us to will inevitably be in our best interest. We want to lean into all of the Mercury energy that I've been describing happening throughout the week because we'll still be feeling these transits, though much more widely. Be interested in how you feel. Be interested in the world around you. Be interested in your beliefs, where they come from, who they benefit, how they're functioning, how you're engaging with others, whether you're listening, whether you're being verbally clear, all that kind of good stuff. Be interested in it.

Now, my loves, my sweet, nerdy loves, that's it. That's what I need to tell you about this damn Eclipse. I'm going to run through the transits of the week again if you're taking notes. On the 24th, Mercury forms an exact square to Saturn, and Mercury forms an exact sextile to Neptune. On the 26th, we have an exact Mercury sextile to Jupiter, and the Mercury Retrograde shadow begins. On the 27th, Venus forms an exact conjunction to Neptune. On the 28th, Mercury forms an exact trine to Pluto. And then, on the 30th, we have an exact conjunction between Venus and Jupiter in Pisces and a Solar Eclipse in Taurus, which I failed to mention will be exact at 1:28 p.m. Pacific Time.

This is an important week to be inquisitive and to be willing to shift in the direction of what we value, what we love, and what's authentic to us. Easier said than done sometimes, but that's the damn work.

As always, I thank you for joining me for another week of Ghost of a Podcast, and I invite you to subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts because it really helps the show. If you'd like to learn more with me, you can visit the Shop page on my website for classes and my book and all kinds of fun stuff you can learn with me. I mean, really, if you haven't gone to my website yet, lovelanyadoo.com, you will be delighted when you arrive. And finally, if you would like to send a question to be answered on the podcast, you can do that over on my website too.

Stay safe out there, and do your best to keep showing up.