Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

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Jessica: I am thrilled to have you join me today, Kat. Tell me what you would like a reading about today.

Kat: I'm wondering if my chart sheds any light on what I've always felt is a deep split between my inner and outer life. Growing up as a white girl in the South, I have a lot of familial and social pressure to be outgoing, to please others, and to be pleasant at all costs. I really felt the internal pressure of this kind of lying, and I could sense that there was suffering behind it in myself and around me. And there was certainly suffering in my family where there was depression and what I thought was eccentricity but have now been given to understand as mental illness.

So, as a child, I would escape into hiding places and create elaborate worlds in my imagination. As I grew older, I began to be attracted to other girls, and this was in the 1950s. And I spent a lot of time in fantasy and imagination about these girls. And of course, it could never be spoken or acted upon. All of this felt crazy and wrong and certainly secret. In adulthood and now out, I continued to feel the pressure to be social. So I felt self-absorbed and often judged in my preoccupation with my own mental health issues and habit for escaping and to hiding and to fantasy connection or solitary activities, like meditation or doing things like spending hours in a darkroom making pictures. But being too much around others, I feel too porous, and imagination and sensitivity can turn into paranoia, and I get exhausted.

So now I'm 71, and I'm really at a crossroads. I have just relocated across the country, and I can think that the best hedge against isolation is getting out there and meeting people, but honestly, I dread that. But am I setting myself up for isolation and depression if I really lean more into this inner world and actively cultivate my intuition in various ways? I wonder if a more authentic bridge to other people as an elder is more bravely living the life of the mind and spirit, and is that the better preparation for my death?

Jessica: That's a really important question. And thank you so much for sharing all of your vulnerability within it. Before I really get going, I just want to share your birth information. So you were born March 19th, 1951, at 10:07 a.m. in Birmingham, Alabama. And are you partnered currently?

Kat: No, I'm not.

Jessica: Okay. And do you want to be partnered?

Kat: Not really, no.

Jessica: Congratulations. And let me tell you the reason why I say congratulations: because I agree you don't.

Kat: Yeah.

Jessica: And that doesn't mean that you don't want companionship.

Kat: That's great.

Jessica: Yes. It is in your chart. It doesn't mean you don't want companionship. It doesn't mean that you don't want romance or sex. It does mean you don't want a partnership, which is a different story because, really, let me boil it down to the crux: you do very well on your own.

Kat: Yeah.

Jessica: You are an introvert's introvert. This is articulated in your birth chart in a lot of places.  Most strongly, I would say you have a Moon/Pluto conjunction. And I'll talk about all these things more in depth as we go, but this Moon/Pluto conjunction gives you such a deep inner world and a hypersensitivity to other people's feelings and needs and everything that it can feel like getting hit by paintballs. You know what I mean?  I don't know why I said that, but that's what it feels like. It just feels like you're really getting hammered by people⁠—

Kat: Yes.

Jessica: ⁠—when you're just around. It's not even something bad happening.

Kat: So true.

Jessica: Yeah. And then, on top of it, you're a Pisces. You've got Jupiter conjunct the Sun, which⁠—if you looked at astrology textbooks, you'd be like, "Oh, that means you're social and you love being around people." But that's not it. The way that it articulates itself in your birth chart is that your fantasy life and your imagination, as you referenced⁠—it's like your happy, safe place.

Kat: Yeah.

Jessica: Unfortunately, you have a Saturn opposition to this beautiful conjunction, and this Saturn opposition means that it has always felt to you or it has frequently felt to you like it was kind of at the expense of your responsibilities. And maybe sometimes it was or is, and then maybe sometimes it's just having a spiritual life, being a creative person, being an introvert, is not societally acceptable for most people, and in particular I think for not-men.

All of these things really clearly do articulate what you're describing in your question. You've got a bunch of Aries placements intercepted in the eleventh house, and what this means is that you can get pulled into the tide of social demands, I imagine especially when you were younger, and I mean younger like in your 20s, maybe your 30s⁠—get pulled into other people's enthusiasm and what people say you should do. But ironically, you're great socially. You hang out with people. And I think the stereotype of an introvert is you can't make eye contact. You don't know how to engage. That's not you. I imagine that you're lovely at a dinner party, that you do really well in social environments⁠—now, not in a true, deep, personal way. It's, again, paintball being hammered at you. But it does look like you've got great social skills, and you're funny and you're odd and you know how to be around people. Does that sound right?

Kat: That does sound right. I mean, that's more difficult as an older person because you start to lose it, you know? You start to lose your ability to communicate and lots of other things.

Jessica: Well, let me reframe something with that because, first of all, on the one hand, yes, what you said is true. It's your experience, so therefore it's true. But also, I think it's objectively true. But from an astrological viewpoint, what happens post-second Saturn Return, so after around 60, is the shift is meant to be internal. We are meant to become more spiritualized beings because so much of the human existence is about going out and being part of society and doing things, and after the second Saturn Return, there is meant to be a shift towards reflecting on what that means and exploring the internal landscape, and not just how our actions impact others, but also how we orient in response to our actions, we orient in response to our impact upon others.

So this is part of why communication and, for a lot of people, going out and doing things tends to really recede after the second Saturn Return. And you're a decade out. We're not meant to be doing that anymore. You've had all these years of doing that⁠—the good, the bad, the ugly, the awkward, all of it. And here you are. So there's the question of introvert, yea or nay? And then there's how to manage this move you've made and make sure you're taking care of not just immediate, right-now you but also ten-years-from-now you. Am I hearing those are the two big questions there?

Kat: Yes. Absolutely.

Jessica: Great. Let's start with the easy question for me to answer. Introvert: yea. Very yea. Very yea, like all yes. Something else I didn't mention before is you've got Uranus in the first house. That makes you very individualistic. There's a lot of ways you can interpret that word, but in the context of Uranus in the first house, especially in your chart⁠—it's smack-dab in the middle⁠—you do fine on your own. You're not bored. You may have many problems in life, but boredom does not look like it's on the list at all. You have the capacity to be interested in your own thoughts and in your inner world and in things that don't require external engagement. That make sense?

Kat: Yes.

Jessica: So are you an introvert? Yes. Does spending time alone work for you? Yes. Does that mean you don't need people at all? No. Does that mean that putting yourself outside of your comfort zone at times is a bad idea? No. So that brings us to the other part of your question, the meaty part of, okay, what do you do now? So did you move to a place where you feel like there are people that you could like?

Kat: Well, I moved from New York to Los Angeles.

Jessica: Okay.

Kat: And what precipitated the move was, well, the pandemic and the idea that I might be helpful to my chosen family/nephew and his two little girls, their two little girls who are one and a half and three now. And so they're there, and we were a tight little pod for a year and a half. And all that is changing and shifting now, and I'm still feeling very integral to the family, and I love my time with them. And then there's this vast other amount of time that I don't have a plan for, really. I just got an art studio, so that's one thought, because I'd had one previously in my life for several years. But I'm sure there are people in Los Angeles that I could really like. I love a lot of my nephew's friends, but they're 33⁠—and fascinating, but I'm not really one of them, as it should be. It's how we all want it to be.

Jessica: So this is where shit gets real. Let's do this.

Kat: Okay.

Jessica: Okay. So, first of all, I want to say I'm really happy to hear that you get to play auntie to these little kids, because that's the perfect dynamic for you, to be able to be a part of family without really being beholden to family.

Kat: Yes.

Jessica: You're great with kids. Kids are great with you. You like family structure when you have several escape doors.

Kat: Yes.

Jessica: You're like, "Open windows. There's something in the attic. There's something in the floor." As long as you have all of that, you're good. So this setup is brilliant for you. The fact⁠—you said you did get the art studio or you're going to?

Kat: I got it.

Jessica: Okay. Great. This is great for you. I think that⁠—and this is not an age thing. This is just a you thing. When you have a hard time cognitively figuring things out, it is really helpful for you to use your hands. It is helpful for you to get into some sort of creative practice because it forges connections that it can be really hard for you to connect otherwise. And that's because you're too good of a thinker. It's not because you're not smart enough. You're too smart. You can just create narratives out of everything. You can make sense of anything.

Kat: That is really true. I mean the part about creating narratives. Yes.

Jessica: Yeah. It's a really strong skill of yours, and it can get in the way of making sense of things on a simple level. And on the simple level is the meat and potatoes, if you will, of day-to-day life. And so an art practice is an easy yes, but that's not the answer to your question, right? That's just a lovely life-affirming truth for you and something to pursue without a lot of pressure, hopefully.

Kat: Yeah.

Jessica: But this is where⁠—and this is annoying, what I'm going to say. I mean, I'm not going to be annoyed, but I think it may be annoying for you.

Kat: Okay. I'm ready.

Jessica: Dating…

Kat: No.

(laughter)

Jessica: Did you just say no?

Kat: Yes.

Jessica: (laughs) I'm sorry. That's a very honest response. Thank you. And hey, I could be wrong. Just hear me out, but I am happy to be wrong.

Kat: Okay. I'm all ears.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. So, currently, you've got Pluto forming a square to your Venus. Now, this is a once-in-a-lifetime event. It doesn't happen to everyone. It's a big deal. And there's so many ways that it plays out. One way it plays out is feeling this deep, compelling need to get back into the art studio, whatever that means. And I imagine you have many mediums you like to work in.

Kat: Mm-hmm. That's true.

Jessica: Do you work with clay ever?

Kat: It's funny you would ask. I did buy some clay, just⁠—it's in there.

Jessica: It's in there.

Kat: It's in the studio.

Jessica: That's what I keep on seeing. I mean, you mentioned photography, but I'm seeing you literally need to get your hands dirty. That's where it's at right now.

Kat: I'm laughing because my oldest friend works with clay.

Jessica: Oh. And are they in LA as well?

Kat: No, in Maryland.

Jessica: Okay. I mean, honestly, Zoom is a really great thing for you, or video chats are a really great thing for you, because it's like all the social connection you actually need. And so, if you could play with clay with your friend over video chat, that would be perfect, actually. So your creativity has the potential of being deeply transformational for you at this time and deeply engaging. So, again, it's like a no-brainer. Definitely do this. Yes. And sometimes over the next two years, it will feel like a no. Trust that. You've just kind of got to ebb and flow with it, and you're good at that, actually. So this is why we don't really need to talk about it.

But then the other thing is that Pluto square Venus is a confrontation in some meaningful way with your values around romantic and intimate connection and what you do or don't want romantically.

Kat: Right. Okay.

Jessica: So have you been in relationships, like long term?

Kat: Yes. Yes.

Jessica: Okay. And only women, eh? That's who you date?

Kat: Yeah. Let's just say yes.

Jessica: Okay. Is that⁠—

Kat: I mean, in long-term relationships, yes. Only women.

Jessica: Okay. So, if you're thinking about dating now, is it men and women, or⁠—

Kat: Honestly, I don't think about it at all, as I indicated.

Jessica: Bless your soul.

Kat: But yeah. Women.

Jessica: Women mainly. Okay.

Kat: Women only.

Jessica: Women only. Okay. I'll use she's. I'll use she's. But we're going to just have it in the mix that there's a flexibility in there somewhere. Okay. So, when I look at you energetically, what I see is that you feel that there is a right way and a wrong way for relationships to go, and if it doesn't go right, it's really not worth doing because it's not worth it. Does that make sense to you?

Kat: Mm-hmm. It does.

Jessica: Yeah. Very Saturnian and of you. I, as a Capricorn, am like, "Yeah. There's a right and a wrong way of doing everything." But I actually know that that's absolutely not the case when it comes to intimacy. And I think that this is where we get into the real crux of the issue, which is that yes, perhaps you just don't want to date, period, and that's it. Or perhaps you haven't truly given yourself the freedom to date in a way that works for you.

Kat: Honestly, I've never dated, to tell you the truth. It's a lesbian U-Haul all the way.

Jessica: Okay. So you're just like, "We rented the U-Haul on the first date, and then we put all our money down on the second." I respect that. I have been there. Okay. So that's a great starting place because Uranus in the first house is not a particularly monogamous placement. It is not just about sexual monogamy; it is about emotional monogamy.

Kat: Yeah. Right.

Jessica: The U-Haul is the enemy of Uranus in the first house. So we'll start there. Let's go second. Let's go second. You're a Pisces. Jupiter conjunction⁠—very devotional form of loving. So you're just like, "Our eyes met. It was glorious," and then you can see 50 years in the future. This is in the realm of romance and fantasy. It's not the most pragmatic material thing. But it compels you to get into the U-Haul even when your better judgment is like, "You don't like U-Hauls at all." Then you have the Saturn opposition to the Sun/Jupiter, and that opposition is like, "Well, this is how things are done." And that Saturn is very monogamous. It's like, "I will build family with this person. We will anchor ourselves through each other." That's the move.

Then, to make it a little more complex, you have Mercury, Mars, and Venus all in Aries, so you're impulsive. You just jump on in. You're like, "We don't have to worry about gas. We don't have to worry about where to park it. We just get in, and it'll feel good, so it'll be good." So I imagine that when you've gotten into these relationships, you've stayed longer than you should have. Is that correct? Or did you get out?

Kat: Oh, I got out through a fantasy, through affairs. I got out through affairs.

Jessica: Right. Okay. Here's the important question. Did you cheat and say, "Oops. I cheated. I gotta get out," or did it drag out?

Kat: It dragged out, and I lied, and the whole thing.

Jessica: The whole thing. Okay. Okay. So this Moon/Pluto conjunction is infamous for dragging shit out. It is infamous for dragging shit out because endings are so scary, and they feel like value judgments on everyone involved, that it can be in the short term that your compulsions can say, "It's easier for me to do something that makes me hate myself and that is not what I want to do than to just say, 'I'm unhappy; I gotta go.'"

Kat: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: If I was queen of the world, this is what I would decree for you: no U-Hauls. You see a U-Haul; you say, "Thank you very much. No thank you." You keep on moving. No U-Hauls for you. You do like making home with someone. You do. And I don't mean cohabitating. I mean having a sense of trust and reliability that is really ironclad. It is something you can depend on, you can show up for and they show up for.

Kat: Yeah. Yeah. That's happening now with my nephew and his partner.

Jessica: Good. Okay. Good.

Kat: And their girls.

Jessica: I'm going to add that we want that to happen romantically, but again, only if I'm queen of the world. We'll see how it goes. We'll see how it goes. Okay. So what I would say is the most successful component to, probably, your relationship with your nephew and their partner, also your best friends, over the course of time is that it is not obligation based.

Kat: Exactly.

Jessica: There's room for spontaneity, and that spontaneity can be for you to be like, "We have plans for dinner, but I can't leave the house. I love you. Buh-bye." That is what is, I imagine, a consistent thread between all of your successful relationships over the course of your adult life.

Kat: Yeah.

Jessica: And so the enemy of a U-Haul⁠—that is the enemy of a U-Haul because a U-Haul is, "We had a feeling, and now we're married, and it shall be grand." And in the way that you are successful, it's, "I'm going to stay present to my feelings as they ebb and flow, and as long as there is communication and consent, it's good."

Kat: Right. Right.

Jessica: So what I contend is that if you dated in the way that you befriend people, which is to say picky⁠—very picky, a little sparing; you're not all over the damn place⁠—but that you take the time to get to know people when it's not romantic. You take the time to develop terms and conditions of the union.

Kat: Right.

Jessica: That's what works for you. So if⁠—again, queen of the world, and I could just wave a magic wand and give you anything, here's what I would give you: somebody who has a car and feels important. Somebody who has a car and a place that they love that is not immediately, immediately close to you but also is in the same town; it's not far from you⁠⁠—within an hour of you. You don't cohabitate. You could, but you choose not to. And that means you both can spend the night or many, many nights at each other's places and feel truly comfortable, but there's not an obligation there.

Kat: Right. Right.

Jessica: There is monogamy. I actually think monogamy is what works for you. But there's also an open policy around what that means emotionally.

Kat: Yes.

Jessica: It's the emotional piece.

Kat: That's the thing. Yeah.

Jessica: Yes.

Kat: That is the piece.

Jessica: It is. For you, infidelity is not really about sex. I mean, I'm sure it has been here or there. Whatever. Life is long. But that's not inherently what it is. It's about, "How can I get out? How can I get free?" And if you have freedom that is woven into the fabric of the foundation of a relationship⁠—

Kat: Yes. I see what you're saying.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. And it's possible. I mean, I know for certain that it's possible. It's also harder. It takes more intention. And all that Aries in your chart would have to reign its shit in so that you're not like, "This feels good. Let's go."

Kat: Yeah. And that involves a lot of honesty.

Jessica: It does. It does.

Kat: And that's never been my strong suit.

Jessica: Okay. Let's talk about that. First, let me ask, when you say it's not your strong suit, do you mean it's not your strong suit with women you're dating or with people, period?

Kat: With people, period. I mean, certainly in relationship, but I don't even allow the truth in a lot of the time because I'm going to have to tell it, and then I don't want to.

Jessica: Yeah.

Kat: So yeah. I mean, I lie about the stupidest things just to kind of keep things moving along.

Jessica: Mm-hmm. And when you say keep things moving along, do you mean to keep people from junking up your wheels, or do you mean just as a matter of course of life?

Kat: I think it's more a matter of it being too revealing about me in a way that makes me feel vulnerable.

Jessica: Okay.

Kat: So it's easier to just gloss things over.

Jessica: This is ironic because you're very intense about other people being honest; are you not?

Kat: Yeah. I am, actually. That's true. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. It's really, really important to you.

Kat: Yeah.

Jessica: So let's talk about it, the lying in general, not specific to women or dating. This Uranus again, Uranus is square to Mercury. And this aspect can often get you to be like, "The words come out of my mouth." And then, afterwards, you're like, "That wasn't technically true," or, "That was an embellishment for literally no reason."

Kat: Yeah.

Jessica: This is the downside of this aspect. The upside is so many things. I actually really love this technically challenging aspect. It makes you smart and weird and allows you to have lots of different kinds of connections with lots of different kinds of people. It makes you not attached to people, and you don't require attachment from them. Wonderful things, right? But the downside here is that you often will not process, "Why am I saying a thing?" because you're just, as you said, moving things along. Right?

Kat: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Jupiter lies. Jupiter lies, and it doesn't lie out of malice. It lies out of a desire for things to be easy and lovely.

Kat: Yeah. Exactly.

Jessica: And that's something I've talked about before in the context of infidelity specifically. Then, on top of it, you got this Moon/Pluto conjunction, which is truly kind of like a terror of being discovered.

Kat: Oh. Interesting. And it's in Leo, right?

Jessica: Yeah. Yes, it is in Leo. And your generation, the Pluto in Leo generation, had so much pressure placed upon you from your parents and grandparents, from society, to be okay, to be good. Everything had to be good for the baby boomer generation. You were not allowed to have⁠—I mean, mental illness wasn't a conversation. It wasn't even a topic. But you weren't allowed to have complex negative emotions, and so it created this culture of repression which kind of worsened everything. And because you have the Moon conjoined to Pluto, this is a really deep issue in your family. And so you did reference that there is mental illness in the family. Yes. It does look like that. There's a couple places that that shows up in your chart.

But also, it taught you really, really young, so fundamentally it taught you, that if you show people your harsh side, your intense side, your messy emotions, that you will be abandoned, punished, or worse.

Kat: Exactly. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. And so, when we talk about lying or⁠— and infidelity is simply an extension of that⁠—but when we're talking about lying, what this is is a survival mechanism that has outgrown its usefulness. So you're using it even when it's not appropriate or useful to you.

Kat: Yes. Right.

Jessica: And these are some of the hardest things to change in life because your survival mechanisms are literally there to make you survive. And the second you try to come at it and change it, all of your red alarms go off. Okay. So I'm going to give you homework here.

Kat: Okay.

Jessica: The step 1 is to consider⁠—and you don't have to say anything about it here if you don't want to, but to consider if you actually want it to change, because I see how deeply motivated you are to never change. So there's that, right?

Kat: Yeah.

Jessica: And I have never encountered a thing within myself or anyone I've ever encountered, ever, where our survival mechanisms want us to change. They don't. That's their fucking function, right? And so being able to acknowledge, "80 percent of me doesn't want to change and be more honest, and then there's this 20 percent, and it's loud and it's persistent, and it keeps on coming back up. But it's only 20 percent." I want to encourage you to first explore that. Get honest with yourself about that. You don't need it to be 50/50. You don't need it to be 98 percent in order to decide to be interested in it and to explore the part of you that does want to change.

I would say that it is important to promise yourself, and to mean it, that you're not going to stop lying. That can't be the goal, because your survival mechanism is doing that to protect you. What can be the goal is to take a beat⁠—just take a beat before you speak in situations that you know are more likely to be where you tell stupid lies⁠, or deep lies. But again, it looks like for the most part, unless we're dealing with a really intimate relationship, most of the lies are kind of stupid. Is that true?

Kat: Well, they're mostly nonverbal, actually. A lot of them are nonverbal lies, like going along with something when I'm really just miserable, like in a social situation where I just feel like I'm being pinned against the wall and I need to get out, which is being very accommodating and Southern and friendly. And I just leave it feeling⁠—

Jessica: Terrible.

Kat: ⁠—kind of gutted. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. Okay. This is very important. Thank you for sharing that. So we're not going to stop doing that. That's not the goal. Instead, the goal is to find, "Is there one thing I can say verbally that is authentic to what I'm feeling right now or authentic to the situation?" So it's not about⁠—

Kat: Yeah. That's good homework.

Jessica: Yeah. And it's a different approach, right? We're not going to take away your coping mechanism. We're going to add something to your tool kit because what will happen over time if you practice this and there aren't the consequences that your survival mechanisms are convinced there will be, which is punishment and abandonment and worse⁠—

Kat: Exactly. Yeah.

Jessica: ⁠—then you can start doing it more. And then what we can do eventually is get to a place where you have the capacity to silently suffer or to be dishonest in situations where it's necessary and it's healthy, but it's not your default setting. What we're going to do is start to build up a new muscle so that it can eventually become a default setting. This could take a couple years. It doesn't have to happen in three months. It's not about that. And the motivation for doing this is because it will make you more peaceful. I'm not saying happier. That's not what this is about.

Kat: I hear you.

Jessica: Yeah. It's about having more peace with yourself.

Kat: Right.

Jessica: This brings us back to the central issue, which is⁠—it's boundaries. You with the boundaries, not so much. So you're good at rules sometimes. You got that Saturn there. You're good at being impossible to pin down or all these other things that are kind of very strong. But boundaries, boundaries are flexible, adaptable, authentic. And for you, this core wounding from the Pluto/Moon conjunction is one of self-abandonment as a means to survive.

Kat: Yes. You got it.

Jessica: Yeah. And that core wounding⁠—hold on. I just want to pause because you said I got it, and then something happened where you⁠—woosh. You left your body. So I want to just check in and see, how are you feeling in this moment?

Kat: Yeah. I mean, everything you're saying is so spot on. It's a little disorienting in a good way. But yeah. I don't know where I went. I'm not sure.

Jessica: Okay. That's okay. I just wanted to check and make sure I wasn't going too fast.

Kat: No, no. Not at all.

Jessica: I mean, listen. Your brain can track if I go ten times faster. I'm not worried about your brain. Your brain is not your problem. It's your heart.

Kat: That's right.

Jessica: From what I'm saying energetically, the reason why you swooshed out is because your survival mechanisms were like, "No. This is pushing on⁠—this is too close."

Kat: This is getting too close.

Jessica: And so I want to just track that something in you goes into disorientation or a little bit of confusion, and that's your survival mechanism's first pass.

Kat: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: So, whenever you feel this disorientation⁠—I mean, it happens a million times a day, I'm guessing.

Kat: A million.

Jessica: Yeah. It's just core to who you are at this stage. It's not truly core to who you are. I mean, a little bit of it is, but most of it isn't. It's just at this point. So, when that starts to happen, I want to give you the advice to do this. And this is woo-woo, but⁠—

Kat: Good. I'll take it.

Jessica: Okay. Good. Great. Acknowledge that it's happening. Be like, "Okay. This is that thing. This is the first step of self-abandonment because there's some emotion I don't know how to feel right now." So acknowledging it, step 1. Step 2, either take a deep breath, or if that doesn't feel right, shake your body. Physically wiggle or something. Move to get a little bit more engaged, either or equal. And then say your full name out loud in your head, or you can say it out loud if you're alone, three times.

Kat: Oh. That's really cool. I love that.

Jessica: Call all your energy back into your system. So you're calling all of your energy into your energy body and your physical body. And this is just⁠—it's like the opposite of self-abandonment. It's just bringing your parts back in. These acts will not trigger your survival mechanism because we're not pushing on her. Right?

Kat: Right. Yeah.

Jessica: So this is why this will work. The process of doing this⁠—what it's going to do is slowly, over time, build this muscle of discernment.

Kat: Exactly.

Jessica: Yeah.

Kat: I thought of that word today. It's funny you bring it up.

Jessica: It's the one right now. Is the one. It's like if you give yourself the gift of discernment⁠—I mean, you know how to judge. You know how to discern. You know how to analyze. But again, this self-abandonment and not⁠—it inhibits your capacity for boundaries.

Kat: That's true.

Jessica: And so, again, we want to start with the discernment of, "Okay. This is what's happening for me right now. This is how I want to cope with it." And then sometimes, you can be like, "Okay. I will lie my way through this social interaction because I truly like this person; I just don't want to be around them." Right? You can go for that. That's a choice. We all make that choice sometimes. You might make it a lot more than sometimes, but it's a perfectly valid choice. But there are other times where you can be like, "Huh. I could say, 'This restaurant's too loud for me. Is there any way you'd be down to take a seat outside⁠—I know it's a longer wait⁠—or to find a different place?'"

You could advocate for yourself in small ways. Be a little bit more honest about, "Hey, listen. I'm really happy to be hanging out with you, but this environment is making it hard for me to connect. It's not about you, but I am having a hard time in this."

Kat: I can't⁠—I mean, I can imagine saying that, and it's so different from what I think I would have to say in order to change the situation.

Jessica: Yes.

Kat: Or do.

Jessica: I'm curious. Is what you think would have to be a lot more complicated?

Kat: Just a lot more⁠—something that's subject to judgment from the other person.

Jessica: I see. I see. Yeah. I am a big fan of the KISS method in literally everything I do. And it's an acronym for "keep it simple, sweetheart" or "keep it simple, stupid." I'm a Capricorn, so I like stupid. But as you wish. As you wish. You're a Pisces. We can keep it sweetheart. Identifying something that is tangible to you⁠—and that might be, "I just got really tired," and it might be, "This restaurant's too loud," and it might be, "I love you. We've been hanging out for three hours, and two and a half is my maximum." It can be something that is truly tangible to you.

And if you can identify it with the other person and really make it about you, like, "This is how I'm feeling. This is what works for me," then you can next make a decision, either alone or with that person, about what the remediation is. Maybe you're just letting them get to know your preferences. And maybe you're checking to see, "If I tell this person I am unhappy in this situation, will they prioritize making me happy?" That's important information.

Kat: Right, and it involves trust⁠—

Jessica: It does.

Kat: ⁠—that the other person cares enough to…

Jessica: Yep. And it's not just about caring. It's about caring in a particular way because in our relationships, we are constantly training people how to treat us. And so, if you have spent your life training people to ignore your needs because it makes you uncomfortable to have your needs seen, inevitably you have relationships where people will not know what to do with your needs. And it won't mean they don't care inherently. It'll mean that you've done a very good job, and we both know you do a good job when you want to protect yourself.

So there will be bumpy roads around this, and that doesn't mean people don't care for you or that you're fucking up. And this brings us back to women. It brings me back to women. You don't have to come, but I'm going to force this a little bit. Bear with me. So, if you had the capacity to say, "This was a lovely date. I'm going to go home now. Let's talk later," if you had the capacity to say, "I really like where this is going, but I don't know what I want yet. I can't make any commitments yet"⁠—if you had that capacity, dating would not suck for you. It wouldn't drain your life force, and it wouldn't be so risky.

Kat: Yeah. I mean, even just socializing wouldn't suck for me, I think.

Jessica: Correct. Correct. Yeah. I agree. I guess part of⁠—I'm talking about dating, but the truth is⁠—and what you just said kind of clicked it⁠— it's not just about dating people. It's about developing Queer community with your peers⁠—

Kat: Right.

Jessica: ⁠—which I kind of am calling dating, but it's not exclusively or inherently about romance, although I do think that it would be great if you went on some dates. But I do think there is a huge importance for you of having Queer peers.

Kat: That's absolutely true. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. And it is really hard to step into that space and not risk dating, realistically. I mean, how do you know? Is this a friend date? Is this a date date? Time will tell. Or maybe if you don't need time, your Jupiter is like, "Just jump in the U-Haul and see what happens." Don't do that. Don't do that.

Kat: No. Those days are over.

Jessica: Yeah. Good. So I'm going to give you another piece of homework, and you're going to do two different versions, one for friends and one for potential lovers or dates. Okay?

Kat: Okay.

Jessica: Okay. So we're going to go with the rights and responsibilities list. This is a R&R. In terms of getting to know a new friend or having a friend, what are your responsibilities? Write a little list. Bullet point. It's not a poem. It's not a novel. Just bullet point, because I think that you have a really clear sense of your responsibilities. It'll be kind of easy for you. The next list I want you to write is your rights. Do you have a right to say, "I'm not having fun anymore"? Do you have a right to say, "These are my preferences"? Do you have a right to say⁠—I don't know⁠—be true to your word, or whatever it is, and that they are as well? I want to encourage you to just bullet-point out those two things for friends and for lovers separately. These are very emotional exercises, so if it takes you months and months to do them, that's perfectly reasonable and normal. No one really does this homework quickly unless they're not doing it with their heart. So it's okay if this takes time.

The next thing I'm going to have you do is⁠—so you know in the notes section of your phone⁠—

Kat: Yeah.

Jessica: ⁠—what you're going to do, write out quick, simple one-liners of different ways to say no in different situations. You didn't think I was going to recommend that. That's the move. That's the move. It's being able to say⁠—let's say to your nephew⁠—"This isn't fun for me anymore. Buh-bye." Obviously, you're not going to say it that way. But there are diplomatic ways of one-liners of how to say it. In fact, you can spend time googling this.

Kat: Oh, that's funny. Yeah.

Jessica: Would you? Have you?

Kat: Well, I've definitely googled "What can I say when…" or "What do you say to a person who…"And you feel crazy and stupid doing it, but there's⁠—you know.

Jessica: But you can see when you start to write those sentences in a search engine that you're not the only one who is searching it.

Kat: Definitely.

Jessica: At all. And this is the thing. The process of writing out simple, kind, yet firm no's, like, "This is my preference," "This isn't working for me"⁠—for a date, one of my favorites is, "It's been a real pleasure connecting with you. I don't think we're a match romantically, but I wish you the best," or, "This was really fun. I'd love to hang out again sometime." That's an obvious one. Everyone does it because it's a yes. But if you're not sure, you can say, "This was fun. Text me if you're interested in hanging out another time." Put it in their lap. There are so many ways you can write these things down and have just a ridiculous amount of notes of how to assert preferences.

Kat: Yeah. That's good, Jessica.

Jessica: Yeah. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. In doing this, again, you're supporting your survival mechanism as well as everything else⁠, because your survival mechanism wants you to be safe. And what these things are is safety, and let me tell you part of why. Okay. So, if somebody's like⁠—whether it's a friend or a date, and they're like, "Hey, I want to go to this restaurant across town for dinner," and in your mind, you're like, "I do not want to drive in LA in traffic across fucking town for any person in the world"⁠—right? You're a New Yorker. I respect.

So okay. You probably don't want to say it exactly like that, so then you might not say anything. But you're going to have something in your phone, and you can just copy and paste it, or read it if you're on the phone. Yes. And that thing would be, "I really don't enjoy driving across town. Is there any way we can meet here?" So you're telling them two things. You're telling them what you do and don't like in general, and you're telling them what you are get down for. Right? Two things, one sentence. Simple. Bear with me for a second here. I'm losing you again. You're out of your body. Hold on. Let me just⁠—

Kat: I think it's the dating thing. It's just making me⁠—I feel really anxious about that.

Jessica: That's fair. That's fair. I mean, I warned you you're not going to like this part of the conversation.

Kat: I'm glad we're having it, but yeah, I think that's what's happening.

Jessica: It's really hard because what I'm talking about, if you practice this stuff, dating makes a little bit more sense.

Kat: Yeah. Yeah. I hear you.

Jessica: That's the problem. That's the problem because you're ambiguous. We're going to get more into this in a second, the dating part. But let me just stay with this. So let's say in this situation, you're saying, "I don't want to drive across town," with this new friend or a date, and they say, "Well, that's really the only place I want to go." And inherently, what they're saying is, "I don't mind if it makes you uncomfortable. I don't mind if you're unhappy. I want what I want." Okay. You'll definitely attract people like that. Why? Because it's your habit and it's your family.

Kat: Oh, all the time.

Jessica: Yes. Okay. So instead of doing what you've done your whole life, which is saying, "I knew it. I can't have what I want. I now have to shut down and just suck it up. Oh well"⁠—instead of doing that, what I want instead for you to do⁠—and so you might need to write this on that same note⁠—is, "This person is showing me something about themselves. What do I think of it?"

Kat: Right. Oh, I'm going to be very judgmental about it. I can tell you that.

Jessica: That's great. That's fine. This is a great place for judgment. But this is the problem. Being judgmental and having boundaries are radically different things. On the surface, they look the same. So let me tell you why: because you would judge them but then still go to a fucking meal.

Kat: Definitely. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. So that's no boundaries, just judgment. So, instead, what you want to be able to do is say, "Okay. So now I know that my new friend, who I thought was really lovely, has a tendency to be selfish. Maybe they're always selfish. Maybe they're being selfish in this moment." Then you ask yourself, "Do I want to give them a chance to waste my time?" Because it's about taking agency for what you're choosing instead of going into, "I have no choices." As a kid, you had no choices.

Kat: Yeah. This is really, really true. All of it.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. It's clear as day in your birth chart. But as an adult, you have all the choices. You can pretend you went into a tunnel and your phone doesn't work anymore. You can yell obscenities. You can make yourself miserable. You can ask for compromise. You can give them a chance, but only one chance, and never again return to that chance if they ruin the chance. You can do anything. You've got so many choices. Those are just a couple off the cuff. So it's about remembering that you have agency. And sometimes you will compromise because it's the best thing to do. Sometimes you'll compromise because old habits die hard.

And sometimes you'll say, "You know, I get why you want me to come across town. That place sounds amazing," or, "I get it's closer to you," or whatever the thing is. "I just can't do it today because it sounds like a bummer, and I want to show up really engaged and ready, and I'm not going to be able to do that. Let's reschedule this or schedule something else that works a little bit easier." If they are a dick, then you know you don't want to date them or be friends with them, period. Right? And if they are accommodating, great. And if they have questions, that's actually great, too. You don't want to be with a doormat. That's not interesting to you.

What I want to just acknowledge is that what I'm encouraging you to do is to be willing to fail and to be willing to be rejected.

Kat: Well, that's huge. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. And that's why you haven't done it yet. It's not because you couldn't have figured this shit out. It's because your terror of failing or being hurt or abandoned is⁠—

Kat: That's paramount.

Jessica: It is. It really is. And it's not even based on your lived adult experience. This is inherited trauma. This is childhood trauma.

Kat: Right. Okay. And how do you see it in the chart?

Jessica: Yeah. Lots of places. Let's start with Pluto/Moon conjunction. That fucking conjunction. You can distill a lot of your problems to this conjunction, okay? And this is, again⁠—it looks like it comes out of your matrilineage, but not⁠—

Kat: Yes. It does.

Jessica: Yeah. And it's generations. It's generations of women in your family really suffering profound consequences for having strong preferences, for being intense, for being powerful at all. This is epigenetic. It's like it's in your genes. Another place this comes from the chart is your Saturn opposition to the Sun and Jupiter. You believe there's a right way of doing things and a wrong way of doing things. The culture you're from, yeah, it reinforces that. There's rules, right?

Kat: Yeah.

Jessica: And those rules are not just about what's right or wrong. It's about morality. Good people do this, and bad people do that.

Kat: For sure. That's right.

Jessica: And then there's one more thing which I haven't spoken to yet, which is you have a Neptune opposition to Mars. This placement in your birth chart⁠—it's like when you use your ego energies, you feel anxious.

Kat: That's so true.

Jessica: Yeah. It's weird. It's just instantaneous. So, if you and I were walking down the street and somebody started to harass me, you'd have no problem getting loud.

Kat: I'm laughing because there are examples.

Jessica: I believe. I believe. You will be very aggressive. You will not skip a beat. But if somebody is coming for you, it's a completely different story. This is the difficulty of this particular natal aspect is that when we have the need to embody the ego, there is this feeling from Neptune of, "I can't be here for this. This is too much for me. It's too much. It's too heavy."

Kat: Yeah.

Jessica: And then you have all these beliefs and all this inherited trauma and even lived experience that reinforces it. I mean, not many women need to be told twice. You're asking for too much to believe it because it's being told to us from everywhere, everything. So okay. All of this said, I'm pulling this back to love because I'm a jerk. I'm into it. I'm into it. Okay. So here's the thing. If I'm back to queen of the world, she has a car. She lives 45 minutes away. You see each other on the weekends, most weekends. Sometimes during the week. You do some socializing together⁠—not always, not inherently.

She has her own passions and interests. She has her own inner life. She doesn't need you around all the time. She reads. And sex⁠—when it flows, it flows. And when it doesn't, it doesn't. You have Neptune in the fifth house and Saturn in the fifth house. And so both of those things, but especially Neptune, can give you really long periods where sex is not important⁠—it doesn't really occur to you⁠—and other periods where it feels like the most vital way of connecting. Does that make sense?

Kat: Yeah. I mean, mostly in fantasy.

Jessica: Okay. So let's speak to that because when you say "in fantasy," have you ever shared fantasies with the people you're with?

Kat: Not really so much, no.

Jessica: And is that a preference or is it more of a shyness thing?

Kat: I think it's both, really.

Jessica: Yeah.

Kat: Yeah. It's both.

Jessica: That feels like the right answer to me. I think some of your fantasy landscape is private, and that's why it is so successful for you, because it's yours and you don't have to worry about anything. And some of it is⁠—when I look at your birth chart, I do think that for you, sex or sexual dynamic with someone you really trust kind of has to⁠—it has to have fantasy to it in order for it to work more than a few times. And if you have all the fantasy stuff happen in your own head and not shared with the partner, then eventually it just weakens the sexual dynamic, and it weakens the trust. Right?

Kat: That's right. Yeah.

Jessica: And so then you need a new fantasy, a.k.a. a new person. So, at first, it can just be in your head, and then it becomes a person. So the other piece of homework I'm going to give you⁠—if you meet someone who's worth getting busy with, which⁠—big if. We're not pressuring, right?

Kat: Okay.

Jessica: We're not pressuring. But if that happened, I would recommend playing with the idea of⁠, "Is there the smallest, least vulnerable fantasy or aspect of my fantasy life that I could share? Or is there a way of my actions could betray more of my fantasies or my fantasy life?" And I want to encourage you to be thinking about that now, not as a pressure, not as a plan, but be interested in this question.

Kat: I am really interested in the question.

Jessica: Great.

Kat: Yeah.

Jessica: I am a fan of movies, videos, or writing, like erotica or porn⁠—whatever. But I'm a fan of not always having to do the heavy lifting of figuring out how to say something awkward and vulnerable⁠—sometimes being like, "I really love this story that I found in this collection of stories. Have you ever read it?" And then you can have her read it. And then you've shared something of your preferences and your fantasy life without having to be like, "Here are all the details of my preferences," which is obviously really uncomfortable for you; otherwise, you would have done it already. Right?

Kat: Yeah.

Jessica: So, again, you're not dating. This isn't homework/I'm a Capricorn, so I give homework. Find erotica or porn or whatever it is that you feel like captures something that is authentic to you, and just have it in your back pocket if you meet someone worth sharing it with. So part of what I'm recommending, I hope you notice, is preparing not for a specific person but preparing yourself for you so that⁠—

Kat: That's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. That's it.

Jessica: It's too hard for you in the moment to sort through all this stuff, and you're fast. And so, if you had to figure something out, if the choice is take your time/figure it out slowly, or just say something to make this happen and make it pleasant for everyone, you're going with the pleasant. So this other concept is having it like, "Okay. I have these files in my phone, and all I have to do is be like, 'Pardon me. I'm going to the bathroom.'" And then be like, "All right. I have this idea already written down."

And by the way, bathroom breaks are your friend. Bathroom breaks for your mental health, bathroom breaks for your emotional health, bathroom breaks to remember what you wrote down that you were not going to do or you were going to do in this social encounter⁠—they are your friend. It doesn't matter if everyone thinks you have the smallest bladder in the world. Let them. It's really good for you to take breaks within social dynamics.

Kat: Yes, and feel okay about⁠—I mean, I do that all the time anyway.

Jessica: Good. Yeah.

Kat: But I don't feel good about it. I feel like [crosstalk] problem.

Jessica: Interesting. I will say that I'm a massive fan of letting people know who you are. And I don't know if I've ever shared this, but I'm going to share something with you, which is that I also have a Mercury/Uranus square. So I am impatient. And when I first moved to San Francisco many, many years ago, I would hang out in groups of friends because that's what people did, even though I don't enjoy hanging out in groups. But I would hang out in groups of friends, and we'd walk from one location to another. And I would go bonkers. I would get so agitated having to walk slowly with a group of people and feign interest.

Kat: It's awful.

Jessica: It's the fucking worst. I'm so glad you feel that way too, because it's just so annoying. It's not for me. And then, by the time I'd get there, I wouldn't want to be there because I would have used all my social resources for doing something I deeply didn't want to do.

Kat: It's really funny.

Jessica: Yeah. Funny/very sad. So, eventually, what I chose to do was I would just walk ahead of everyone, and I'd be like, "Hey, I'm going to walk ahead. It's nothing personal. I'm just a really fast walker, and I get irritated if I'm not a fast walker." And some people thought it was rude, and some people found it annoying at first. And then, eventually, they saw I was really consistent, and I was in a better mood when I got there. I was more fun to be around. And it got to the point where people were like, "Oh, Jessica just walks ahead. That's just what she does."

Kat: And many of them probably wanted to do the same thing but couldn't.

Jessica: Correct. And some of them would come with me, and they would walk fast and they wouldn't be annoying because they were doing what I was doing. They were running away from an annoying interaction. And it ended up being something where it was just like if I met new friends, they'd be like, "Oh yeah, Jessica just doesn't walk with groups. That's just what she does." No one was offended. It didn't hurt anything, and it gave me such a massive amount of peace of mind so that I could socialize, even though I don't⁠—

Kat: Right, instead of being done by the time you got there.

Jessica: Exactly. This is really about giving yourself the space to be unique. It's giving yourself the space to be a little bit of a weirdo. You have Uranus in the first house. You're a weirdo.

Kat: Yeah. My main partner in life, whenever she would say, "You're weird," I would get so mad.

Jessica: Interesting. Oh. See, to me, it's like the highest of compliments.

Kat: Now I think it would be, but then it was like, "She's telling me I'm crazy."

Jessica: Yeah. With your family history, I can understand. Also, generationally, I get it. The pressure to conform for your generation was so aggressive. Uranus in the first house is odd.

Kat: Yeah.

Jessica: It's odd.

Kat: I'm willing to embrace that now, I think. I have no choice. Old people are⁠—you know.

Jessica: Odd.

Kat: They are.

Jessica: We say eccentric. We say eccentric. But it's another word governed by Uranus. Eccentricities, oddness, queerness, they're all Uranus. Impatience⁠—they're all Uranus. And so, if you can give yourself permission to be eccentric or odd in the ways you are, to have the preferences you have, as long as you're acting in accord with your integrity or your values and you are doing things with consent from others⁠—because that's an important piece, of course⁠—

Kat: Of course. Right.

Jessica: ⁠—then you can do whatever the fuck you want. And I know it's easier said than done because⁠—

Kat: No, but it's great you're saying it. It really is. I love the homework. I love it all.

Jessica: Okay. That makes me so happy. And here's the thing. If you meet a woman, let's just say, and you're like, "There's some juj there," and she sees, "Oh, okay. You're a person who when you're tired, you leave"⁠—like they just get to know, when you're tired, you go. That's nothing personal. You're just really good at stewarding your energy. And if she doesn't like that, then she will not date you. And if she does like that, she'll be like, "Oh. That works for me." And then she will date you. And this is the thing is being more yourself only means that your relationships become more successful⁠—

Kat: Yeah. True.

Jessica: ⁠—as long as you don't lose yourself in this part. Here's the "this" part. When you make a big change in yourself, whether it's with people or just internally, what most of us do most of the time is we start to move through this tunnel of our own shit, and you take chances and you make yourself uncomfortable and you do the work, but it's dark. And it stinks. And it's long. And you get halfway through the tunnel, and when you're halfway through the tunnel, you're like, "I don't know if anything's better on the other side. What's the fucking point of doing this?" And we stop, and we go right back where we came from.

Kat: Right.

Jessica: And it feels like you spent all this time and all this effort, and why didn't it work? And it's because we all have a limit to what we're willing to do without assurances, without evidence that it's the right thing, that it's working. And I imagine that you're not going to have too many steps in the tunnel before you hit that wall because your survival mechanisms are very well oiled. And so, if you do that, what I want to say is just hang out at that space if you can, because you're not going to get evidence that it's working right away, and it won't work all the time. When we don't get on well with others, sometimes it's a reflection on us, and sometimes it's a reflection on a lack of compatibility, and sometimes it's a reflection on them.

Kat: Oh, I never considered the last two.

Jessica: I know. I know you don't. You go straight to, "What is wrong with me?" And there are so many things that are wrong with that approach. Of course, so much of it has to do with the quality of life that you experience, but some of it, it's just not true. And when you deal with lies in your self-dealings, it destabilizes everything from there.

Kat: That's true.

Jessica: Some people are dicks. Some people are not inherently dicks, but they're dicks to you. Some people are totally lovely but not well suited to you. And then sometimes you're the dick. All of these things are true. And I think if more of us could spend more energy kind of being okay with that, then it wouldn't be so personal when something didn't work out.

Kat: That's really good. That's really good. Yeah.

Jessica: I will say this. When I was studying your chart before we got together here today, I thought, "Oh shit." You have a choice to make. Are you going to be open, or are you going to put nails in the doors?

Kat: Yeah.

Jessica: I'm not saying make the decision today. I'm actually not, per se, recommending that.

Kat: Yeah. I know you're not. I know you're not. That is the question, though. You're right.

Jessica: Yeah. It is the question. And I don't think you should put nails in any of the doors or windows.

Kat: Okay.

Jessica: What I recommend is opening the windows and locking the door, but you don't need a deadbolt. You just need a lock. And from that place, it's really about being open to what could happen and being willing to experiment with experiences.

Kat: Exactly.

Jessica: None of these experiences with friends or lovers needs to lead to anything. This is not a test that you need to ace. It's about experiences. And this is the thing about being in your 70s is that it's easy to be like, "Well, experiences are done. We're done with those."

Kat: Yes.

Jessica: But that's not your situation at all. I mean, it can be, but it doesn't have to be. It's not inherent⁠—you're not done. In fact, as I mentioned earlier, Pluto is square your Venus. And because Pluto is square your Venus, these issues are coming up because you want more for yourself. And when you don't want more for yourself, you want to want more for yourself, or you want to want less for yourself. Either one. I actually think that this transit represents a unique once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to heal this really painful shit.

Kat: How long is the transit?

Jessica: Two years, which is why I gave you all the damn homework⁠—

Kat: Thank you.

Jessica: ⁠—because listen. You can't fuck this up. I mean⁠—

Kat: Yeah. Yeah. I understand.

Jessica: ⁠—you can fuck up lots of things, of course. But if you choose to be closed, you'll simply deal with the consequences.

Kat: I understand.

Jessica: If you choose to be open, you'll deal with the consequences. And again, if you put yourself out there, I regret to inform you I don't think you're going to have a terribly hard time finding somebody to date or who wants to date you. This would be great news to so many people, but not you. You're just like, "I would rather have circumstances force me. That would be great." I mean, girl's still got it. If you put yourself in a Queer women's environment, if there are single ladies, you will have a single ladies moment. You know what I mean? I think that'll happen for you. And that doesn't mean you have to be responsive to it.

Kat: Right. That's true. That's a nice out. Thank you.

Jessica: Yes. You're welcome. I'm into the trap door, the attic, the windows. I'm with you on this. You get to say no. You get to change your mind. And you get to say to someone, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm really prudish. I don't make out for the first three dates." You can do whatever you want. You can do whatever you want. You can say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I always have sex on the first date. It's the only way I can get to know someone." You get to do whatever you want. And when you're introducing yourself to new people, you can be anyone. No one knows who you've been.

Kat: That's true. Yeah. I mean, that's one advantage of relocation is nobody knows me.

Jessica: Yes. Nobody knows you. And also, it's not just about relocation. It's about your willingness to challenge these issues we've been talking about. It's easy for you to be like, "Well, I know me, and I know I would never do this." But nobody else knows that. And you're actually a person who can radically change really quickly when you choose to. Hello, New York, LA, on a dime, I'm guessing. Right?

Kat: Yes.

Jessica: It's just that's how you do things. And it's not how you do all things. We're talking about trauma that can't be dealt with quickly and easily. But you can make certain choices if you really choose to around how you're going to engage. And again, this is part of why I've given you the homework to create scripts, because that will make it easier for you to automate different behavior in kind of familiar situations.

Kat: No, I like that.

Jessica: Yeah.

Kat: It's good.

Jessica: So you know how lots of people will give the advice of, "Go do things you really love doing, and that's where you'll meet people to date"?

Kat: Yes.

Jessica: I actually don't think that's exactly it for you because if you, let's say, join a spiritual group or a book club or whatever⁠—I don't fucking know. If you did a thing like that, you don't want to shit where you eat. Sorry.

Kat: No. I got you.

Jessica: So I do think that you are much more clear that you want community and friends than you are that you want to date. And so I do want to say it's okay to keep certain spaces sacred and platonic for you. I think that if you do that, chances are, because God has a stupid sense of humor, that you'll fall in love with somebody in the group. But regardless, I want to just put that out there that you don't have to do everything at once in every place. And that, to me, feels like an important thing to say because I do see how much you pressure yourself to achieve and do things right. There's no right or wrong way of doing this outside of trying.

Now, I want to just pause and make sure⁠—have I answered your questions?

Kat: Oh my gosh, and so much more. I mean, yes. Yes.

Jessica: Great. I'm really happy to hear that.

Kat: It's amazing talking to you.

Jessica: Thank you. I would recommend waiting 72 hours, until like five days or so, before relistening to the audio or making any kind of massive decisions.

Kat: Okay.

Jessica: Sit with your feelings because I'm seeing that something's loosened. Something's loosened, and if you kind of try to pop it out or loosen it more, it'll just go in deeper. So part of what I'm seeing here is by giving yourself permission to need space in even your relationship to this conversation, that is actually your smoothest and fastest way forward, which feels counterintuitive because what I'm saying is slow down to speed up. But that's what'll work.

Kat: Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Jessica: That's what'll work. So that's not laziness. That's not giving up. That's giving yourself space to be in the emotions because what you want to remember⁠—so much of what I kept on coming back to was your Moon/Pluto conjunction. And the Moon is feelings, which are not linear. So give yourself space to be kind of all over the place with it. And if something kind of⁠—you're going about your day and then something sparks or a connection is made, write it down. You're constantly writing, eh?

Kat: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. Good. So just write it down, and then you can kind of coalesce things when it feels right. So give yourself that spaciousness. Again, when you rush yourself and when you pressure yourself, then you're doing your old survival mechanism. So the way out of it is to be a little spacious and be like, "This is how I feel right now. Okay. Is that a response to how my trigger is? Is it a response to my situation?" Just be a little more curious. This little bit of adjusting your perspective, being open, this is the real thing to focus on, I would say.

Kat: Okay.

Jessica: Yeah. I think that's your reading.

Kat: So good, Jessica. Thank you.

Jessica: My pleasure.

Kat: Your work in this world is just fantastic. And thank you for it.

Jessica: Thank you so much. It means so much to me, and I'm so glad we got to do this. This is just perfect.

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There's so much to say, so let's just get right on into it, eh? This week, we're going to look at the astrology for May 22nd through the 28th. I am just floored that May is already gone, but here we are. But before we do, I want to pull back and acknowledge this here Pluto Return of the United States that we're going through⁠. For the past few years, I've been telling you that we would be confronting the shadow of our nation. And we all knew or could have known that that meant confronting the impact, consequences, reality of white supremacy and its many insidious tentacles⁠—and it has many. The Supreme Court potentially overruling the right to privacy, which is the foundation to how they're going to overrule Roe v. Wade if the leaked documents are any indication of what's coming⁠—it's terrifying. But it's also a very realistic articulation of this transit, the Pluto Return of the United States.

The United States⁠—we're loud. Globally, we're very loud. This is why other western nations are freaked out by us potentially losing the right to safe and legal abortion, because it emboldens and empowers conservatives and right-wing extremists in other nations to seize on this moment. So, even if you are not yourself in the U.S., this does have consequences. It does have a global consequence because, again, we are so loud. There is a major political shift in much of the south of this nation. We can look to the state of Idaho for the wild things that are happening politically there.

This is the thing. When we look at the shifts of what's happening politically, it does reflect a shift socially, but really, the religious extremists, the people who want to give corporations rights and take away the rights of individuals⁠—they're the minority. We're the majority. And this is all an articulation, or another articulation, of the Pluto Return. It's supposed to be the power of the people here, the land of the free. But that's not at all what's happening. And at this moment, I want to gently but firmly remind you⁠—or if you didn't know, invite you to do a little research⁠—there are many nations over the course of time that at one point are free societies; they are democratic societies. And then something happens, and they fall into autocratic or fascistic leadership. This happens.

It's not like because we have had certain freedoms⁠—and when I say we, I mean we have to be exceptionally clear that our brand as a nation may be freedom and opportunity, and in many ways, there is so much freedom and opportunity here for everyone. In many ways, that is true. But when we look at the realities of the genocidal and oppressive way that this nation has treated Indigenous people since the moment we got here, if we look at the history of slavery and the continued oppression and dehumanization of Black people in this nation, if we look at the ways in which Brown people⁠—all people of color, right⁠?—and in a different way, but still in a very real way, Queer people, non-Christian people, immigrants, women of all races⁠— all of these people, in other words the vast majority of the people, have never enjoyed a totally free society.

The Pluto Return tells of the fall of an empire. And it doesn't have to go that way, but with an empire like ours, it seems like it could go pretty rough pretty quick. What I'm trying to say here is that things can get very bad. I am not saying this to frighten you. In fact, I really do go out of my way to not be scary in the way I talk about scary things and to try to keep it constructive. If possible, I like to keep it cute while I'm at it, but always try to keep it constructive. But the reality is that not everything can be talked about in a constructive way. Some things are scary, and that doesn't mean we should turn away. And I want to repeat that for the people who are spiritual and think that you don't want to lower your vibration by engaging with negative or upsetting things. That's not the way to be a spiritual person. That's called disassociation.

And listen. We all disassociate sometimes. That's fair. That's trying to survive. But we want to be realistic. This is our moment. Let's be realistic here. When we're talking about Pluto, we know that on an individual level it is the planet that governs shame. It governs shame and resentment, trauma and healing. And one of the most effective ways of healing Pluto problems is to resist the urge to isolate. This is why AA works for so many people. It's why it's such a Plutonian structure, addiction being quite Plutonian, but also why AA works. It's because you take what you are the most ashamed of, what is most painful⁠, you take the thing that you've been keeping private and hidden maybe even from your own self, and you go into a group of people and you share it. And you listen to them sharing their own version of the same thing. This is how we deal with Pluto problems.

Similarly, when we're dealing with a nation or a society, when we isolate ourselves out of fear, we lose. If we stick to our groups without intersectional thinking, without intersectional coalitions and communities, if our demands, our actions, and our hearts are not informed by the needs of others and considerate of the needs of others and not just our own needs and our own preferences, we lose. But what's worse than that we lose is that there are many people who know exactly what them winning looks like, and it should have us all shaking in our boots. We are the majority. We are the majority, and it is the power of the people united that, as the slogan goes, cannot be defeated. It's when we break ourselves off into groups in a way that is us versus them, Gen Z versus Millennials, Christians versus Muslims, cis people versus Trans people⁠—this is where the oppressor wins. And we can point in a lot of directions for what the oppressor is, but it's white supremacy and its many tentacles.

When Trump got elected, I told everyone who would ask me, which unfortunately was many people, was that this was the pregame show. This was not as bad as it's going to get. And then, in 2020 when COVID hit, everyone I talked to would say, "When are things going to get better?" And I would always say, "Don't ask. This is the pregame show." But here we are. The real game has begun. This is it. This is when shit gets real, my friends. When we talk about the potential fall of an empire, I want to say very firmly, very emphatically, that when empires fall, they fall on the most vulnerable. They fall on the marginalized, not the minority. The marginalized. That's the poor. That's the vulnerable. That's the sick. That's the repressed and the oppressed, not the perpetrators.

But within this, we have agency. And again, it's coming together. It's coming together. It is so important. And listen. These are extremely dangerous times. They are heartbreaking times that we are living through. The massacre that happened last weekend in Buffalo is devastating, just absolutely fucking heartbreaking and devastating. And it was one of five mass shootings that weekend. And yes, it was a Lunar Eclipse in Scorpio and all manner of astrology we can point to. But who fucking cares? Who cares? This astrology that is happening outside of the Pluto Return itself, which is specific and unique to this nation, happened all over the world. And this is the only place with five mass shootings.

To that end, I do want to say back on Episode 116, I shared a ritual bath created by Safiya Randera, who's a Queer BIPOC spiritual worker. And they created a bathing ritual for releasing grief and trauma specifically for BIPOC folks. And I want to remind you that that exists. And so, if you are a BIPOC person and you're looking for a way to support yourself, I want to either point you⁠—you can listen to the episode. There's a transcript on my website. If you go to my Patreon, you don't have to become a patron to see I took out the ritual and brought it out in a really clear, easy way. And you can go there and copy and paste it/use it without becoming a patron. So it doesn't cost you anything. And if you want to learn more about Safiya's work, you can go to heartofearth.ca to learn about their offerings and all that kind of good stuff. But that's a resource out there for you, and there's even a way to adjust it so if you don't have a bathtub⁠—you only have a shower⁠—you can use that. So hopefully that's a helpful resource.

But let me come back to this astrology and this period. Yes, these are dangerous times that we are living in. But we are living in them. This is it. This is reality. It is not an apocalypse. This is reality, and realities are hard. And I don't want to make it worse by talking about how shitty it is, but here we are, right? We are here, and we need to be able to have the emotional maturity and wherewithal to be present with painful and frightening realities so that we can do something about them. The only way to effectively cope with a thing is to have a foundation of acceptance: this is what is. And I will remind you that acceptance is not consent. It's not giving up. Acceptance is simply awareness.

And without awareness of what's happening in this country, in this world, in your community, you cannot be a contributor to the solutions that we so desperately need as a collective. And we do need solutions. And everybody's got their way. You don't have to do it any one way, but we all have to be doing something because no one is exempt from being a part of the violence of this society and of this time. We are all a part of it. And if you choose to sit out, if you choose to say, "It's not my problem. I'm really invested in what's happening on reality TV, and I'm not invested in what's happening in reality"⁠—if you do that, that's your participation. But there is no such thing as neutrality in the face of oppression. There's no such thing. Neutrality is siding with the oppressor. It's making it easier for the oppressor to be successful in their aims, period.

So finding a way to have acceptance of what is and then taking that acceptance and tolerating or coping with or supporting yourself with⁠—depending on where you're at and who you are and what's happening⁠—the emotions that come up, and then finding things that you can do⁠—it can be little things. It can be big things. That's great, obviously. Big things are fantastic. But little things are fantastic too. If everyone's doing something small, the world changes. Then we get great outcomes from this Pluto Return. With our agency, we have choice. We don't have great choices. We can do the right thing, and it might not work. But not trying to do the right thing because you have a theory that it won't work⁠—that's a luxury that we cannot afford at this time, my loves.

So listen. All this said, let me talk about the fucking democrats. To say that I am frustrated with the democrats is a profound understatement. I have always been frustrated with the democrats. They are not a progressive party, and I myself am a progressive person. But let me say this. Republicans⁠—if they win in the upcoming elections, it will be stunning, truly stunning, how quickly, aggressively, and violently things change. And I say this as a prediction, my loves. I'm sorry. I don't like to make these kinds of predictions, but here we are. And you don't need to be an astrologer to see that coming, but here we are, and that is my perspective as a person, but it's also something I'm saying as your astrologer.

I am a big believer in voting, not because I believe that the system isn't rigged. I mean, the system's objectively rigged. We already know this. But republicans would not put so much money⁠—and, Lord, do they put a load of money⁠—into gerrymandering and suppressing the vote, they wouldn't put so much effort into legislation and blood, sweat, and tears into repressing our vote, if it wasn't worth something. You might say, "It's a fucked-up system. I don't want to vote for democrats." Okay. Cool. I mean, obviously, you do you. But if for no other reason, vote against republicans as a "Fuck you" to your oppressors. By not participating, you are giving them what they want.

Maybe you vote and it doesn't really do anything. Maybe it's a rigged system. That's possible. But just think of how many stupid things you did for no point that had no positive outcome just in the last, I don't know, three days alone. Probably several things. This thing actually could work. It actually could make a difference. So it's worth it. I do want to encourage you to make sure you're registered to vote, and I want to encourage you to vote whenever you can, especially in local elections. Be aware of who your overlords are, and make sure that you're letting them know if you don't like what they're doing.

Now, I've got one more thing to say about last weekend, actually. On May 13th, it was the 37th anniversary of the MOVE bombing, and that was when Philadelphia police bombed a Black neighborhood. If you aren't aware of this, it is absolutely worth doing a little online search about it. It's a very big deal. And that was the same weekend that the terrorist attack occurred in a grocery store in Buffalo killing predominantly Black people and with that intent. I want to speak specifically to white people right now and white parents in particular. I don't want to encourage you to be ashamed of being white. There's no value in being ashamed of being white. There's no need for that. No one needs to be ashamed of the color of their skin or the culture that they were born into. It's absolutely unnecessary. It's a waste of your energy.

But it is important to understand the legacy you are born into and the legacy that you're from, and it is important to commit to being better than your ancestors, to being better than your cousins, and to actively parent in antiracist ways because in a racist world, we need to be actively antiracist. It's time to be a true ally. It means disavowing white supremacy, and that's really a complicated concept for a lot of people. It's very simple for a lot of people, but it is a complicated concept for a lot of people. But it is one worth exploring because to be in spiritual integrity with ourselves and to not excavate these issues, to not work on these issues, to not accept that we are living in a racist world and therefore we must be antiracist⁠—I mean, it's not real spirituality. If it's not humane, what the fuck is it?

Okay. I know that was a long intro. Let's get astrological. Again, we're looking at the week of May 22nd through the 28th of 2022. The first exact transit of this week is on the 22nd, and it's a Mars sextile to Pluto. So let's talk about this transit because on its own, it's a fucking fantastic transit. It represents a time when we can be quite fortified, where we can actively engage with things that at other times would feel too triggering, too upsetting. We can facilitate healing. We can facilitate transformation and regeneration. It's a great transit on paper. But we mere mortals are not made of paper.

And so, in the context of all that is happening in the world right now, this transit can be kind of explosive, honestly. We may see violence. We may see not just individual violence, like violence from a person or persons to one or more persons, but we may see systemic violence. And this can happen through legislation and all manner of things. Mars sextile to Pluto is⁠—it's a transit where we may see the assertion of power and dominion. And it won't be something brand new. It will be a system working as it does. And if you remember just a couple episodes ago, we were talking about the Jupiter sextile to Pluto.

Now, Jupiter is a social planet. Mars is not. It's a personal planet. And so it does have a different juj to it. It has a different impact when we have social planets or generational planets forming an aspect to other social or generational planets versus personal ones. But I think we can still expect to see some sparks flying on and around the 22nd. In your personal life, as an individual, you can leverage this energy and leverage this energy to make progress. I use the words "make" and "progress" very intentionally. There is energy here for mobilizing. So, if there's something you've been intimidated to do, if there's some sort of health-promoting regime that you've been meaning to start or to return to, this is a great energy for those kinds of things.

Mars is body-based. It's very visceral. And Pluto is transformational. So this is a particularly good transit for aligning or realigning with promoting your health in whatever way that shows up for you. It's also real good for sex and passion and general acts of bravery and fun. So lean into it if you can. Enjoy it as much as you can. If you see shit going down, do the right thing. Be brave and use your will and your agency to be a part of the solution.

That brings us to the next couple transits. On the 23rd, we have a Sun sextile to Jupiter, and Mercury Retrograde forms a sextile to Mars. So, of course, these transits overlap each other, and the Sun sextile to Jupiter is truly lovely, as is the Mercury sextile to Mars. Let me get into it. Sun sextile Jupiter, the energy is lucky. It is expansive. It is positive. It's positive. This is good news for the people, good news for all the people. This transit can be leveraged for all manner of things related to healing, fun, putting yourself out there, developing a broader mind, so going big picture in your approach to things⁠—all well suited. Not so much for getting super organized, and that is not in any way helped by the fact that Mercury is also sextile to Mars, which I'll talk about in just a second.

But this is just a lovely transit. And if you find that you are having a particularly hard time on this date and it's not related to some other transits, then what I would tell you is that you are probably dealing with a pattern of behavior or pattern of thinking, or whatever it is, that is taking on too much all at once because Jupiter, in its negative, can just kind of be like staring directly at the sun, jumping into the pool before checking if there's water, that kind of fun stuff⁠—stuff where it's technically fun, and then because you didn't think it through, there are negative consequences. So there is that to consider.

Also, Jupiter is associated with optimism, which is great. That said, if you have a nature which is fantastical and you have a hard time dealing with harsh realities and you like to make everything positive or easy, this transit if you're experiencing it in a negative way⁠—which is not likely but is certainly possible⁠—it's because you're having a difficult time being in the reality that you're in instead of your fantasy of what could be. So those are some things to look out for, but most people are going to experience the most positive aspects of this transit.

Now, at the same time on the same day, we have an exact Mercury Retrograde sextile to Mars. And so you want to remember any transits to or from Mercury are right now happening during a Mercury Retrograde. So we want to adjust our interpretation of this transit just a little bit. Mercury sextile to Mars is a great time for putting yourself out there socially, connecting with people, asking questions, being inquisitive, being flexible, exploring, that kind of good stuff. If you have the opportunity to flirt, this can be a real fun time for that, and in particular smart flirting, flirting through conversation. Absolutely well suited to that.

But because Mercury is Retrograde, the focus is meant to be more internal. And so let's say you're having fun flirting with someone through witty banter. It's an opportunity for you to not only flirt your buns off but also to become more aware of what you find attractive, of how you behave in reaction to having chemistry with someone or being hopeful about someone. This is a good time to reflect on your own engagement, on your own feelings, on your own behavior. It's a Mercury fucking Retrograde, and we follow the rule of re's. We reflect. We reconsider. We reassess. That's what we do during a Mercury Retrograde.

So this transit, because of the Retrograde, is a call to look within. And Mars doesn't love looking within. Mars likes doing shit. And so there may be an opportunity for you to reflect on your own attitudes, your own thought process, after you've done something. And that something could be really wonderful because it's a sextile; it's not a square or an opposition⁠—could be really a lovely thing. But if we only are introspective and reflective when things are hard, then we're not expanding the things that are lovely in our lives or easy for our nature. The things that are easy for us as individuals, they are kind of like little gold mines within us. And they can be expanded with intention so that we get more good from them.

So these are all things to consider with these three sextiles that are overlapping with each other on the 22nd and 3rd. Now, on the 24th, I got more for you. We've got on the 24th an exact sextile between Venus and Saturn⁠—again, overlapping with all these other transits. So we've got Venus in Aries sextile to Saturn in Aquarius. This transit is really lovely. Venus and Saturn are the two planets most concerned with stability and security in the zodiac. They're also the most concerned⁠—I mean, we could throw the Moon into the mix of this, but they're a top three, the top three planets concerned with fitting in, with other people liking them, being approved of. These are all strong drives from these planets.

And so, when we have a sextile between Venus and Saturn, and in particular if it hits your chart directly, which is at 25 degrees of a cardinal sign, what can happen under this transit is that your patterns, your habits around how you engage with your desire to be liked, maybe your desire to compromise yourself so that other people approve of you, being diplomatic or being people-pleasing⁠—which, believe it or not, Saturn can very much be, in a very different way than Venus, but absolutely, in the birth chart, it can represent that⁠—you're going to have the opportunity to experience whether or not that's actually working for you, whether or not that's leading to greater security and happiness, because if it isn't, this is a great time to reflect and to make adjustments.

The only way we can heal or grow or change if that's needed⁠—which of course, it isn't always, but the only way we can is if we are aware of what's happening in real time. And this week with all these sextiles is actually a really great time to become more self-aware of how you're participating and whether or not it's yielding the results that you want it to, whether or not it's authentic to you. And no need to feel guilty or mad at yourself or whatever. You're just getting information, and when you get that new information, you're just using it. You're just doing it. You're doing your best. And sometimes your best sucks. That's life, man. Don't overthink it is what I'm trying to say.

Okay. So Venus sextile Saturn is a great transit for investing in your long-term relationships. If you have a friend you've been friends with for a million years, if you're in a partnership, a long-term relationship, and maybe you've been leaning on it too hard, taking it for granted, this is a great time to come together and invest your care in a material sense in someone else. And when I say material sense, I don't necessarily mean go and buy shit. I mean let people know through your actions how you feel about them.

The transits of this week are a lot of "show me" energies. Mars is involved in two out of the four transits I've told you about so far, and Jupiter is involved in the third that I've told you about, other than this Venus sextile to Saturn. And these are all real "Do that; show me this" kind of planets. And so, now that we're adding the Venus sextile to Saturn to the mix, we have the opportunity to be present for the value of our actions to us, to ourselves, and also to others because as we all know⁠—and if we don't, we all should know⁠—that intent is not equal to impact.

You may have to be humble as you discover that your impact is not what you intended it to be. And you may get to feel good about yourself. Maybe you have a little more peace within as you see that your intention is being translated through your actions, your passive and your proactive actions. And that's really good to get to experience, and it's something to be mindful of this week⁠—I mean, and in general, but certainly this week with this astrology.

That brings us to the second event that is occurring on the 24th, and that is Mars moving back into Aries. The last time that Mars was in Aries, it Retrograded. So it was in Aries a really long time, longer than normal. And it was in July 2020 through January 2021. And in the context of COVID, it was a really big deal. It was actually the time when the vaccines were perfected for Alpha, and it was the time in much of the world, certainly in this country, in the U.S., where a lot of people were quarantining and on lockdown. People were really struggling. And there were many other things happening in this period. It's just a very intense period.

But when I see Mars moving into Aries again⁠—and this transit will last only until July, so it's nothing like it was in 2020. But when I see this transit occurring again⁠—and it just so happens to be occurring when Jupiter is also in Aries, so these are the two most spontaneous⁠—I mean, we could throw Uranus in the mix, so we can say the top two out of three spontaneous planets in the zodiac⁠—there is a real risk here of things moving fast, things spreading, as the saying goes, like wildfire because, of course, Aries is the first of the fire signs. And it likes to run through things real quick. That's the energies of Aries. So, again, not going to last very long, but when I see it, I have a couple concerns on a social level.

One is definitely COVID. And I want to take this opportunity to remind you that not only is COVID not over, but it's spiking. It's spiking pretty seriously in many places in the world, including here in the U.S. And there are new variants of concern. It just so happens to be occurring when everyone's throwing away their masks and putting on their hot-girl summer pants. This is an error in judgment, my loves.

If you are as sick of the pandemic as I am, and I'm going to guess you are, then the quickest way to get past it is to not pretend it's over when it's not over. So mask up. Wash your damn paws. If you're indoors with a human who breathes, who breathes air, and you yourself are a human who breathes air, wear a fucking mask. Just wear a mask. I know it's a pain in the ass. Do I like masks? No, I do not. But we need to get out of this, and we're not going to get out of this⁠—we are not going to get out of this⁠—if we don't act right. And as I've said before on the podcast, and I am happy to repeat, it is inherently ablest to not wear a mask during an airborne global pandemic.

And the other thing that is concerning about this Mars transit through Aries in a social context is that Mars is really comfortable in Aries, which is great, and I'll talk about that on a personal level in a moment⁠—the positives. But on the negative, this can lead to further violence, further aggression, to further individualism, in a way that is toxic. And there's nothing inherently toxic about Mars in Aries, nothing even remotely. But we must, as astrologers and astrology students and nerds, look at each transit in the context of the larger picture. We're not just words on a page. We're people living in systems.

And so Mars in Aries⁠—again, while Jupiter is in Aries and Pluto is in Capricorn and yada yada⁠—in the context of the Pluto Return and the context of the pandemic and the context of the Uranus in Taurus and the increased risk for world war, the increased risk for civil war, this is a transit that we should all be paying attention to, paying attention to it in the news and in the world around us, but also on a more personal level looking at your own relationship to passion, to entitlement, to anger and engagement. We don't want to repress our egos. That's not healthy. We don't want to overexpress our egos. That's not healthy either. What we want to do is have a well-adjusted relationship to our ego energies and a well-adjusted relationship to power.

This is difficult for a lot of people. It's difficult psychologically. It's also difficult because for a lot of people, when you go into the world expressing and embodying your power, the world stomps on you. So it's not simple. And again, it doesn't happen in a bubble. However, the transit of Mars through Aries is a time to engage your own Mars. It's a time to engage with spontaneity and power and play and competitiveness and ambition. Mars is fornicating and Mars is fighting. In the context of Mars in Aries, we may feel really activated. And as you feel activated, it's an opportunity to explore how you react to those activated feelings.

A lot of people recoil from strong emotions, from visceral feelings. And that's not inherently good or bad, but it's something worth exploring so that you can determine for yourself whether or not it's healthy and well adjusted. We want to take away all concept of good and bad when it comes to our relationship to ourself and instead consider, is this well adjusted? Is this healthy? Is this self-appropriate? Is this in balance with our situation with others in the context of our psyches? That kind of stuff.

So Mars in Aries. If you can get in there and get some, great. Mars in Aries is fun for that. This transit doesn't give us a lot of staying power inherently, but it gives us a lot of juj. So juj it up. Juj it up.

Okay. That brings us to another lovely transit. On the 25th, we have an exact trine between Mercury and Pluto. So this is a great moment for me to remind you that I have dropped episodes about the aspects. So, if you're like, "Wait. What's the difference between a sextile and a trine?" You can always listen to Episode 101 of the podcast, where I unpack what natal aspects are and what transits are. So, if you haven't already heard it, it's a goodie. Also, you can always read it as a transcript on my website if you don't want to hear this voice. I mean, come on. You do. But if you don't, you can just read it.

Okay. So Mercury trine to Pluto is a lovely transit. It's really good for fostering concentration, communication, active listening, and learning. Yay. It's so good. Now, because Mercury is Retrograde, it's important to remember that this transit is meant to bring us within, to have us go deep. And so this is a great time for therapy, any kind of therapy, any kind of talk therapy or reflective therapy. This is a great time for having deep convos with trusted friends. This is a great time for introspecting. I've been saying to you for so long don't do deep spiritual work. I'm not saying that this week, please note. This is a great time for doing it. It's a great time for exploring your own psyche or working with others in a way that is not just about what you're doing; it's also about how you're listening to others, how you're holding space for others.

Mercury trine to Pluto is also a really lovely transit for reconnecting with friends or connecting with friends. I say reconnecting because of the Retrograde, but connecting or reconnecting with friends, in particular people that you trust. If there's something that you've been trying to learn but you've been feeling stuck around, come back to it here, this week in general, but specifically on and around the 25th. Pluto really is helpful for going deep, and Mercury is our mind. Mercury is our learning capacity, so leverage it if you can.

Now, there's something else that I want to name about the 25th, which is that on this date, we're starting to feel the effects of the Mars conjunction to Jupiter. Now, that transit isn't going to be exact until the 29th, but we're really feeling it on the 25th onwards. And I'll talk about it, of course, in next week's episode, but I do want to acknowledge it here because it's an important transit. As I already named in the context of Mars and Jupiter both being in Aries, we have things moving fast. And in the context of the law, because Jupiter is associated with the law, this can be quite scary. In the context of conflict, war, violence from the state or from individuals, Mars can be quite scary. And having Jupiter and Mars sitting on top of each other is not an inherently good or bad transit, but it is a really powerful transit, in particular in the powder keg that we are all living in at this time.

And so, again, this is why I am really emphatically encouraging you to be COVID safe and COVID smart, and I'm also concerned about violence. I'm concerned about violence, and I want to be really clear. When I'm talking about Mars, yes, it is traditionally associated with bing-bing, punch-punch violence, like physical violence. But there are many ways that violence occurs. And anything that is like a power struggle or an ego conflict is in the realm of Mars.

Now, on the positive, Mars conjunction to Jupiter can lead to acts of bravery. This can be a time where we see displays of overcoming obstacles, either from others or ourselves. This can be a time where we finally have the energy we need to do a thing that needs to get done, to try something we've always wanted to try. This can be a time where we learn something that's hard to learn. There's a lot of incredible positives about this transit, but the negatives are worth noting. And if you're going to make some noise, if you're going to be engaged and activated, let it be about things that really are consequential, that matter to you, and that matter to the world.

Again, this is where I want to bring your attention to all of these beautiful sextiles and the trine that we have this week supporting us in being more self-aware and intentional about how we are engaging with ourselves and others because Mars/Jupiter conjunction, whether positive or negative interpretations, is very spontaneous energy. And spontaneity can be a really great thing or a really bad thing. It's a risk. It's a risk.

Okay. So, all of this said, I got one more transit to talk to about, and it is a doozy. It's a damn doozy. Okay. On the 26th, we have an exact square between Venus and Pluto. Longtime listeners of this podcast or astrology students know this is a difficult transit, my friends. This is difficult. This transit destabilizes our sense of security, and it makes us feel like things are slipping out of our grasp. So Venus is associated with security and connection and intimacy, and Pluto is your survival mechanisms. It's your flight-or-fight mechanisms.

So, when there is a square between these two planets, it can feel like you're losing control or you're dying or you're being harmed in some way that you may not recover from. And in truth, it may not be that anything serious happens. It may be that someone doesn't text you back as soon as you think they should. It could be that someone's kind of a dick to you on social media that you don't even know. It may be that your partner is in a bad mood and is kind of shitty⁠—nothing that's actually associated with your security and safety and wellness in that way, but it may trigger something within you that is just a really raw and vulnerable spot, and it might make you feel like you're losing control or your very security is being threatened.

When we feel threatened and when we are in our flight-or-fight mechanisms is when we tend to behave the worst towards ourself and/or others. And so it's really important to remember that you're entitled to all of your reactions. But if there's not enough space between your reactions and your responses, then you're going to act in ways that do not reflect your integrity and what is authentically happening within you and what you authentically want to be doing in relationship to others or in relationship to the world.

Because of this, it's a terrible time for major purchases. If you can avoid dealing with debt on and around this date, please do. Don't do anything that puts you into debt on and around this date. You gotta borrow money? Not a great time for it. Listen. You gotta live your fucking life, so do what you gotta do. Don't overthink it. Just be conscientious and careful if you have to do these things. But this is the astrology.

This is a transit that can confront you with the consequences of not having acted in accordance with your values. You may get called out. You may have to bear the consequences of how you've behaved in relationships. Issues related to power, control, resentment, manipulation⁠—they can all come up in relationships on and around this date. It can suck, especially if you are feeling super tender or the person you're dealing with is feeling super tender, because another thing this transit does is it intensifies our feelings of wanting to be close to others, wanting to have intimacy, wanting to be safe in relationship⁠—just at the time that Pluto's like, "Yeah, but no one's safe. Nothing's safe."

Because of this, a lot of times, people will find themselves caught up in compulsive and obsessive behaviors and thinking. Do not cyberstalk people. Don't do it. Do not reread an email seven times. Do not do it. It is a mismanagement of emotion. When you're feeling activated, especially activated by Pluto, the most effective thing to do is to identify your emotions and cope with your emotions before you get engaged by the situation or the story. That's the best thing so that if you're activated, on a scale from 1 to 10, at a 9⁠—unless you're being chased by a bear. Unless there is an actual crisis, which⁠—of course, crises happen all the damn time. But if you're not in a life-threatening crisis, being able to identify, "Okay. I'm activated at a 9"⁠—if you're activated at a 9, you want to get down to a 7 before you try to deal with shit. If you're activated at a 7, you want to try to get down to a 5 before you try to deal with shit.

What I'm trying to say is you want to bring down your activation, not so that you're not intense, you're not having intense feelings or whatever, but you want to make sure that when you're in the heat of your reactions, that's not when you try to be rational and reasonable and to cope with things, because you're not likely to do it effectively. You're likely to do it from, again, an activated state.

This is a particularly terrible time, albeit a likely time, to issue threats, to try to control other people, to get involved in ultimatums, or to unpack all of your resentments or let people know the minutia of all the things they have or haven't done to you. This is not a great time for that. And I name it because it's likely to happen, and it might be coming from you; it might be coming from someone else. And it's likely to happen for a couple of reasons. One is because the energy is so intense that we're finally kind of internally motivated to deal.

And the other reason is displacement. Again, as I was saying, if you're really activated, it's easier in the short term⁠—not in reality, but in the short term, it's easier to focus on the other person and what they are or are not doing to create drama or engage with drama than it is to sit in our emotions, which⁠—there's often really nothing to do with our emotions but to be with them. But when we abandon ourselves in our moments of activation with distractions, with narratives, with drama, whatever it is⁠—when we do those things, we're doing a great disservice to our ultimate goal of being safe, being loved, even being right.

Relationships that begin on and around this date are likely to be very fucking intense. So have safer sex if you are hooking up with someone this week. It's not a great time for taking risks. This is also not a great time for first dates just in general. I mean, if you're going to go on them, great. Just know you might be feeling extra vulnerable or they might be feeling weird and defensive or insecure⁠—just kind of an activated time.

In regards to⁠—I mentioned just before that spiritual work is well suited to most of the transits going on this week. In relationship to consciousness-raising drugs, this would be a bad time to do them. We don't want to do that kind of stuff during Neptune or Pluto transits in general, so I definitely would encourage you to be conservative on and around this date. But deep spiritual work is well suited to this transit as well.

As a hot aside, if you're interested in understanding more about the connection between drugs and astrology either as a way to learn about yourself or to learn astrology, or if you're a consulting astrologer and you want to be able to read that for your clients, I am teaching a class through Astrology University on June 4th that you can register for. The link is in show notes, and it's in the ticker tape of my website. And yeah. You can show up live on June 4th, or you can just get your damn ticket and watch it whenever you want and from wherever you are in the world. Okay. That is a hot aside, but I am really excited about that class.

So those are just things to pay attention to this week with this particular transit. And as I said, that's the last exact transit of the week. I'm going to do a quick run-through of the transits, so get your pen and paper out, my friends. On the 22nd, Mars forms an exact sextile to Pluto. On the 23rd, we have an exact sextile between the Sun and Jupiter, and also Mercury Retrograde and Mars. So those are both sextiles. On the 24th, Venus forms a sextile to Saturn, and Mars moves into Aries. On the 25th, Mercury forms an exact trine to Pluto. And then finally, on the 26th, Venus forms an exact square to Pluto.

And as always, if you would like to track transits on your own and have a resource that adjusts for your time zone, you can subscribe to my web-based astrology pro tool, Astrology For Days, to track transits and take notes of your own predictions, perceptions, and experiences. Yeah. Astrologyfordays.com.

Okay. My damn loves, I want to thank you for joining me for another week of Ghost of a Podcast, astrology and advice for living your life right. I don't know. I just said that and it felt cute. If you haven't already subscribed to the podcast, please do subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. And if you would be so kind as to write a little review or five stars, I'd appreciate it so much. Also, reminder: you can send in questions to the podcast over at ghostofapodcast.com, and your question may be chosen to get a live reading with me, which⁠—kind of fun, right? It's kind of fun.

I want to just give you a little pro tip. If you want to ask a question and you hope for me to answer it, don't ask me five questions at once. Ask me one question. I know in the readings, you're hearing me cover a bunch of topics with people. That happens organically. But when I'm choosing questions, my loves, I'm only choosing questions that are written succinctly and people who ask me for one thing, one question. If you got multiple questions, send multiple emails. Don't ask a bunch of questions in a single email.

Also, while I'm giving you pro tips for having your question chosen, if you emailed me a question two months ago, I'm not going to choose it to answer it because I don't know if it's still relevant for you. So don't be shy. If you have sent me a question in the past and you want to send it to me again because it wasn't chosen, you can send me the question again. I'm not mad at that.

Okay. That's all. That's it. I mean, it was enough, right? It was a lot. Take care of yourself and others, and I will talk to you again next week.