Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

Supporting local abortion funds that help arrange and pay for abortion care for patients who need it is one of the most impactful actions you can take for reproductive justice today. Planned Parenthood is great, of course, but also consider donating to the Yellowhammer Fund, Mississippi Reproductive Freedom Fund, and Margins: Women Helping Black Women. The links for all three of these orgs are in show notes. If you or someone you know is a pilot, you can consider becoming a volunteer with elevatedaccess.org to help transport passengers at no cost to them to access gender-affirming and abortion healthcare. And finally, the Church of Prismatic Light is a religion for LGBTQIA+ people and allies who want religious freedom to have the right to bodily autonomy, marry who they love, transition, and have gender-affirming care. You can find them at prismaticlightchurch.org.

Jessica: So, Marija, welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. What would you like your reading about today?

Marija: Yeah. So I have a problem with partying, and it goes basically like this: that I'm super excited about going to party and meeting people and having fun and dancing, but before I prepare myself to go, I feel really anxious and almost like I don't want to go. And then I'm really confused about that because I'm like, "I want to have a good time," but then the party ends up being not so fun and I use drugs or drink a lot to numb my anxiety.

Jessica: And it works, right? It does numb your anxiety?

Marija: Yeah, it does. It does work.

Jessica: Okay. And then let me ask a couple things. The first one is, do all your friends party? Is that a big part of your social world?

Marija: No. So that's the other thing. I don't have a friend group. I have friends all over, and so some of my friends don't like to party; some of my friends like to party but not the same kind of parties as me. So yeah. So I end up going alone sometimes, or sometimes with somebody I don't really connect that much.

Jessica: Yeah. That makes sense. So another question I have is, are you concerned about your substance use, or is that not part of the question?

Marija: It's not so much part of the question, but it's really hard for me in that situation not to drink, even though I really, really don't want to. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. And then, when you drink, do black out or anything like that?

Marija: It does not happen that often, but it could⁠—so, last time I partied, that happened, that I blacked out. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. That must be why I’m seeing it. Okay. I just want to start by saying what you've described is very normal. I think it's a pretty universal problem for⁠—not everybody has it, but I think it makes sense. But the second that I first read your question and you talked about the anxiety of going out, I was like, "Okay. So where is Neptune?" That was my first thought because Neptune is the first planet that I think of that's associated with anxiety. Uranus is the second, but Neptune's the first. And of course, in your chart, Neptune and Uranus sit right on top of each other. You were born November 25th, 1991, 9:00 p.m. in Vienna, Austria. Yeah?

Marija: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Okay. So yeah. People born in the early '90s, you all have this Uranus/Neptune conjunction in Capricorn. And the thing that's really interesting in your chart is that you have those planets plus Saturn in Aquarius all in the sixth house. And the sixth house is your body as much as it is work and other things. And so, when something is not right for you, you feel physical anxiety. Is that correct? It's physical, right?

Marija: Yes. Yes.

Jessica: And so your system starts being like, "I can't," and then you're likely to hold your breath, not breathe, which makes everything worse in the body. And the truth of the matter is, if you're feeling really anxious and you pour alcohol on it or eat the right drugs, you will feel less anxious. But that doesn't mean it's medicating the anxiety effectively. It just means it's smooshing it down. And so, before I kind of get into it, I also want to acknowledge you're a Sagittarius with a Leo Rising. Yeah, you like to go out and have fun. You like adventures. You want to do weird shit, and you want it to be dynamic and playful and⁠—yeah. You want it to be active, right?

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: Not only is that true, but you've got a Sun/Mars conjunction. It's out of sign, which means you have Mars in Scorpio and the Sun in Sadge. But they're conjunct in the fifth house, which is just like⁠—yeah, you want to go to a rave. You really want to go to a rave. You want to go where people are dancing and weird flirting can happen. Intrigue can happen. You want to be somewhere where things are moving fast, and the vibe is kind of intense. Does that all make sense for you?

Marija: Yes.

Jessica: Yeah. The trouble is⁠—look at your Cancer Moon in the twelfth house. Your Cancer Moon in the twelfth house is like, "Yeah, but I don't feel safe in those environments."

Marija: Yeah, no.

Jessica: And you've got Venus at the bottom of the chart. It's in the third house conjunct the IC, which means you love being home. Your home is pretty. You've got a nice sanctuary home, and when push comes to shove, you're comfortable on the couch.  And those two parts of you are present all the time, just like these other parts of you that are like, "Yeah, but fucking Leo Rising. I'm a Sagittarius. I want to go and I want to have fun." And so it's unsurprising to me that you consistently want to go out and play, and you consistently don't want to go out and play, and then you force yourself to go out and play and you have mixed experiences. I mean, I'm guessing it's sometimes really fun and you meet people and it's good for you, as well as it being not good. Correct?

Marija: Yes. Yeah. I do have good times as well, but most often not so⁠—the anxiety is just always there also when I have a good time. But yeah. Mostly, it's annoying. It's so annoying.

Jessica: Sucks. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so sorry. This is where we get into the real thing about your question, which is your body is telling you very clearly what is safe and what is not safe for you, what you want and what you don't want. And you're like, "Fuck you, body. I'm a Sagittarius. I do what I want." You're not listening to yourself, and then you're having these experiences were you're powering through so that you can have fun, which is not fun.

Marija: No.

Jessica: Right. The thing about substance use⁠—and it looks like you can kind of play with lots of different substances. It doesn't look like you just drink or just do drugs. But the thing about substance use is it's really effective. If you drink, you'll have less social anxiety, yes. You'll dance longer if you take certain drugs, for sure. But it's not soothing, and it's not repairing.

Marija: Yeah. I know. And I also don't really like it, especially drinking. I don't like it. I don't feel good afterwards. I really hate it, actually.

Jessica: But you do it.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: Weekly or multiple times a week?

Marija: No, no, no. Just when I want to party, and that's become less and less and less. So maybe two times a month, three times a month, four times max.

Jessica: Okay. So it's either once a week or every other week.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. So here's some fun facts about your birth chart. Neptune in the sixth house can mean that you're very escapist, like you want to leave your body. You want to leave material reality because material reality is hard, but that Neptune placement indicates that your system is incredibly sensitive to substances and to environments. So, if you go into an environment where everyone's fucked up or buzzed, it's almost like you feel like you have to get buzzed in order to tolerate the energy of where you are.

Marija: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Unfortunately, your body as get older, you will find, likes this less and less and less because you can have all of the negative consequences, so whatever⁠—hangovers, exhaustion. You're draining your serotonin levels, so it's like more depressiveness. And let's add to that you have Saturn in the sixth house, which makes you especially sensitive to blood sugar stuff, which is part of why alcohol is not your buddy, because it just spikes your blood sugar amongst other things, and then there's a crash. The other thing is that you do want to have fun, but the way that you're going about having fun isn't actually fun.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: And it's weird because if all your friends were doing it, I'd be like, "Oh, okay. So I get why you're doing it." But it sounds like you're going pretty far out of your way socially to have fun in a way that is not fun for you. And this comes back to Neptune and Uranus being so close to each other. There's this feeling of, "I don't want to be a bummer. I don't want to be too serious. I know I want to dance. I know I want to be in a fun, chaotic environment and be spontaneous." And so you're kind of doing it in the way that you know instead of in a way that works.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. And my guess is that this is a pattern that plays itself out in other ways of your life and not just around this.

Marija: Oh, definitely. Yes, yes, yes.

Jessica: Okay. And again, this is part of why I felt like this was such a good question for the podcast, because it's important to talk about this thing that you do, but this thing that you're doing⁠—it's like a symptom of a larger issue for you. It's not like the thing. I mean, it can become the thing if you keep on doing things that are bad for you, but the underlying issue is how can you find a way to be your fiery, passionate, weird, playful self⁠—no negative connotation on weird. How can you find all those things that don't cost you shit you don't want to pay? I have to ask, are you⁠—and this might sound super weird, but you dance, obviously, for fun. But do you dance⁠—like do you take dance classes or dance in a group or anything like that?

Marija: Yeah. I tried to, but I struggled finding a class that suits me. And I tried different classes, but also there, my anxiety sometimes is too high and I need to take breaks. I did some contact dancing and stuff like that, and I can't⁠—yeah.

Jessica: Yeah.

Marija: It's difficult.

Jessica: So there's a couple things I'll say to that. The first is, with that Mars/Sun conjunction, we're not talking about partner dancing, because part of what raves⁠—you mentioned raves, right? I'm not making that up?

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: That's part of why raves work: because everyone's there dancing together but completely alone. And that's your vibe. Sun/Mars conjunction is like it's really about you doing you. And so, first of all, partner dancing, contact dancing⁠—out. That's not going to work for you. The other thing is there's a certain amount of anxiety that you have that is just your personality, and it's not a sign that you're doing something wrong. And then there's a certain amount of anxiety you have that is your body saying, "This is not working for me." And that's the core thing that we need to unpack.

But I do want to say⁠—and I don't know. I mean, are you still in Vienna?

Marija: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. I don't know if they have straight-edge parties or if straight-edge parties are even a thing anymore. Do you know what that is?

Marija: No.

Jessica: Street-edge parties are basically like raves and parties where everyone's sober. So being straight edge is not using, basically. That's what that means. Again, I don't know if it's a thing anymore. But you might want to look for, first of all, raves and parties that are specifically sober or straight edge⁠—I don't know what the word would be⁠—where people aren't using. I do want to throw that in the mix.

I also want to encourage you to look for dance classes that are less about being a dance troupe and more about a bunch of people just letting go. I also would say that Sun/Mars conjunction can get into some fun, weird shit, like it's a bow and arrow⁠—you know, archery. Archery.

Marija: Archery. Mm-hmm.

Jessica: You could get into archery. You could get into⁠—there's a lot of kind of odd things that you could find really fun that are about you being with your body and doing something dynamic. It's social still, but it's not about partnering with people. And I do want to encourage you to be interested in what else you could do that's physical and fun that you would really get a lot of pleasure out of because, again, I think that's an important thing, is, when you identify, "Oh, this isn't working for me," there is this way⁠—because you do have so much Capricorn and Scorpio and Leo in your chart⁠—that you can be like, "Well, I'll find the next thing." And if the next thing doesn't work, you're like, "Well, forget it. It didn't work. I'm done."

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. And so there's a need for you to cultivate curiosity. Like, "What are the things that I like about going to raves? Why is it that I get excited about them?" Write a list. I know that's super boring, but make a list of all the things, and then look for other activities that satiate those same things. And then, from that place, you can start to explore, "What's my anxiety that tells me this is wrong for me versus my anxiety that tells me I'm scared of being around people or doing shit?" And it's mainly about being around people, eh, the anxiety?

Marija: Yes. Yeah. And it's also like when I hear talk about, yeah, exploring what I enjoy, I was thinking it's so funny because I want to go mostly to these raves because I think, "Oh, they're so cool. The people are cool there." But I don't really like those people. Not that I don't like them, but they make me anxious. And I'm just like, "Oh, but I want to be like them. I want to go there because they're so cool." But it's actually not really fun for me to be around them.

Jessica: Yeah. So let's get into that. So you've got this Venus at the bottom of the chart, as I mentioned. It's square to Uranus and Neptune. And so do you like weirdos? Fuck yeah. You like weirdos. You like people who are living on the outside of shit. And it's not just aesthetic. You like the value systems of rejecting so much of what's conventional. Does that make sense?

Marija: Yes.

Jessica: Yeah. The trouble is Neptune because Venus squared Neptune is⁠—you can put these people on a pedestal and assume that because they dress a certain way, dance a certain way, go to certain places, that means they share values with you.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: And part of why you like this group of people, or at least you think you like this group of people, is because you associate an aesthetic with a set of values. And the truth of the matter is that is not a thing. At one point, it might have been a thing a little bit more, but in this day and age, it is not. And that⁠—it makes you feel like, "What's wrong with me that I'm not happy with people that I thought I would be happy with?" instead of, "Oh shit. These people don't make me happy." It's kind of like if you try on a pair of jeans and they make your ass look bad, and then you think, "Oh my God. I have a terrible ass," instead of, "Oh my God. These are terrible jeans for my ass."

And I want to give you this metaphor to remember because, of all the jeans in the world, they make your body look and feel a million different ways, which tells you it's about fit. It's not inherently about the clothes or about you. It's about the fit. And so the same thing is true with people and places. And your Venus/Neptune square tends to idealize others, place them on a pedestal, and assume that it's your fault if it doesn't work.

Marija: Yes. Exactly. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. Because you have this Chiron/Ascendant conjunction and a Moon/Saturn opposition, this keys into early childhood stuff. This is like⁠—we could go deep into your family stuff. And that makes sense to you, eh?

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. So we don't need to do that in this conversation unless that feels helpful. But what I do want to acknowledge is, as we're unpacking this, you can see that this is not really about the surface thing of partying. What it's really about is the ways in which you were trained as a child and then have taken on this kind of method of ignoring your feelings, ignoring your lived experience, and powering through even when you have evidence that this is not working for you.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. So you don't want to lose track of you are fun. You want to have fun, and you want to have fun through your body. We don't want to pathologize that. We don't want to lose that, because you are fun. You want to have fun. And the world is burning, so let's have some fun in the ways you can. But as soon as you get to a place and you realize, "I thought this was going to be fun, and it's not fun," then the funnest thing you can do is bounce, a.k.a. leave.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: And there are parts of your chart that say to you, "That's a failure. You're failing. If you have to go, it's a failure." And this is where I want you to come back to the jeans because if the jeans aren't fitting, you take them off. You don't buy them. You don't wear them. Same thing with places. The next time you decide you're going to go to a party, and then you go to the party and you're like, "This is stupid. Why am I here?" do not drink. Do not do anything that will numb you out so that you can stay. Instead, be like, "Oh shit. I have to go home. And if I want to dance, I have to dance alone. I have to just go home and dance," which is fun for you, no?

Marija: Yeah. I do that.

Jessica: Yeah. I see that. It's fun for you. Sun/Mars conjunction can be very much about dance and about combat, which is why I was like, "Archery." The tricky thing is, because of your Venus square to Neptune, I wouldn't recommend boxing or doing capoeira or any kind of combat where you're touching people, because your Venus/Neptune square is like, "That's mean. I don't want to be mean."

Marija: Yeah. That's so true. Yeah.

Jessica: Which is a shame, because your Sun/Mars conjunction would love to be mean, like absolutely love it. So this is where dancing your face off is kind of your sweet spot because you bring yourself to a state of exhaustion through being playful and having fun, and that's a yes. It's these environments that are a no. Now, I have to ask, do you date dudes?

Marija: Not only.

Jessica: Okay.

Marija: Yeah. I identify as Queer, so I date [crosstalk]⁠—

Jessica: All the genders?

Marija: Yes. All the genders.

Jessica: All the genders. Respect. Respect. So my question for you is, when you go to these parties or raves, are you meeting people to date? Are you hooking up? Are you meeting people to flirt with or date?

Marija: Yes. Sometimes.

Jessica: Okay. And these are Queer environments, so all the genders are there.

Marija: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. Now we're getting to it. So Queer environments where you're meeting people who are datable, theoretically.

Marija: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Okay, because that's part of this, is it not?

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. It's the silent part. Why you didn't mention that part is fascinating to me, because I feel like it's a big part, no?

Marija: It is, yeah. And the part of me⁠—why I don't mention it is I feel ashamed of it a little bit. I don't know why, but I'm like, "Oh, that is so pathetic."

Jessica: Oh shit. Okay. This is what we need to be talking about. So, wherever we have shame, we act out against ourselves. Let's start there. I mean, some people have shame and they act out against others. But you've got a Moon in the twelfth house, so you're going to act out against yourself. So I want to just, from a broad perspective, say there is no shame in going places where people that you could have vibe with live or party. That seems like a good strategy to me.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: There's no shame there. But it's not working, right?

Marija: Yeah, no. It's not working. And that's why it's also why I think it's so pathetic, or it's annoying me, because so much of it is about that, and I'm like, "It's not working. It's not good."

Jessica: It's not working. It's not working for a couple reasons. So listen. Do you hook up? Are you somebody who can hit it and quit it?

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. Okay. Good.

Marija: Well, no. Hit it and quit it, not so much. But yeah. At a party, making out, that⁠—yes.

Jessica: Okay. So making out on a dance floor is like your happiness.

Marija: Yes.

Jessica: It is so fun for you. It is not a reliable step towards a relationship. It's a reliable step towards having a fun, random experience. You have Venus square Uranus. That is great for you. Sun/Mars conjunction in the fifth house, that is great for you to get out there, find someone, hunt them down or let them hunt you down, and make anything happen. Joy. Pure, pure joy. Right? I'm not going to take that from you. That is good.

However, the annoying thing about being post-Saturn Return⁠—and you are now post-Saturn Return⁠—is the shit that works in your 20s when you're pre-Saturn Return, a.k.a. in the adult part of our childhood, it doesn't work once you hit your Saturn Return. So, the last four years, it hasn't been working for you even though it may have worked really well before that. Does that make sense, from what you've experienced?

Marija: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jessica: I'm sorry. I'm sorry because⁠ here we go. You know? It's like the rest of your life here is not going to work the same way. So that doesn't mean that you can't do this anymore. It means this is like you're in a fucking mood, and you know you want to go out and make a thing happen or be open to something happening, and you spontaneously go to the party. That's where you actually will end up having fun, but that's like 12 percent of the time. It's a very specific number I said, but it's what showed up in my head. It's just like a tiny percentage of the time. It's not 1 percent, but it's definitely not 15 percent either.

Marija: Okay. Yeah.

Jessica: Small percentage of the time. So we come back to anxiety because the problem with anxiety⁠—I mean, there are so many problems with anxiety, but a big problem with anxiety for you is that you feel anxious and overwhelmed, and I know this sounds weird, but it looks like you feel kind of dizzy.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: Does that make sense to you? Okay. It looks like you feel dizzy, and so what happens is you really pull away from your body. You recoil from your body like a reflex. And through the process of that, you are abandoning yourself. You are leaving yourself alone in your anxiety. What's worse is that it's like your brain goes offline, like you have a hard time staying focused, which is weird because you're a very focused person in many ways. You're very smart. You're very inquisitive. But when anxiety becomes physical for you, your brain just feels⁠—and I don't mean your physical brain. I'm not a doctor, obviously. But I'm saying your mind is just⁠—I don't know how to describe what I'm seeing for you, but it's like your mind⁠—

Marija: It's shut down somehow.

Jessica: Yeah.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: It's weird. And it feels like being adrift a little bit. So hold on. Let's see what we can do with this. Bear with me. We say your full name out loud?

Marija: Marija [redacted].

Jessica: You're missing a name. What's your mom's maiden last name?

Marija: [redacted]

Jessica: Better. Were you not raised with your dad?

Marija: I was, but when I was born, they weren't married. So on my first birth certificate, it's Marija [redacted].

Jessica: Okay. Okay. That's why I'm seeing it that way. Thank you. I see. Okay. You are so tied in with your parents it's intense. Do you talk to them?

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: And your mom has an anxiety issue?

Marija: I think she does, yes, around⁠—yeah.

Jessica: I do too.

Marija: Around people. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. I think she made some decisions early in her life around limiting her life so that she wouldn't have to experience the anxiety, and that's part of why you're not doing that, because you're not wanting to let your anxiety stop you, which I love. Unfortunately, the way you're approaching it is not working.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: But that doesn't mean that you can't work with this, because you are very intuitive. I don't know if you're psychic or not. That doesn't matter. People get really weird about that word. Part of what you're experiencing when you're experiencing anxiety is fear around uncertainty, around the unknown. Part of what you're experiencing when you're experiencing anxiety is fear that you're not going to be able to take care of yourself, and it's going to be bad. And so you're freaking out because you don't know what to do. And then part of what you're experiencing is overwhelm as you become flooded by other people's energies and emotions.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: And they're all interconnected because you don't know how to take care of yourself around that, and you don't know if you even can. And so there's more of the shut down and pull back, which again intensifies this confusion and overwhelm. And so one bit of advice is if you're going to continue to go out to parties⁠—which of course is not a great idea, but whatever. Realistically, if you're going to continue to do it, 45 minutes of dancing or serious physical activity before you go so that you get in your body.

I have a cheat for getting in the body. It's very simple. Say your full name out loud in your head three times. And you have to say your first name, your mother's maiden name, and your⁠—whatever⁠—government name. Yeah. Say all three of those names because your mom's maiden name is very strong for you. When you start to feel anxious or start to be like, "Oh shit. I'm feeling really confused," say your full name out loud in your head three times, and set the intention that when you do that, you're calling your energy back into your body.

It won't automatically get other people's energies out of your body, and it won't empower you to magically not feel any anxiety. But it will give you a little bit more strength. So, right now, are you feeling⁠—because I was feeling your anxiety pretty intensely just a couple minutes ago. Are you feeling less of that right now?

Marija: Yes.

Jessica: Yeah. I was like, "Is it me or is it you?" Okay. Good. You're feeling that. And it's because we validated what you're experiencing as real. So, again, it's about ownership of self. When I see you going out to party, it's like you really just⁠— you're gone. You leave yourself in the bathroom of your house, and you go out. And I don't know why I'm seeing the bathroom. I don't know if it's because you're getting ready, and through the process of getting ready, you get more and more anxious, and so you're gone at that point.

And if that's the case, what I want to encourage you to do is ask yourself, "Why am I feeling anxious?" Oh. I see. Your answer is always "I don't know." That's not true, though. You do know. Okay. Hold on. Bear with me. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. Okay. Instead of asking yourself why you feel anxious, I want you to promise yourself when you start to feel anxious, "If I am there and I am anxious for 20 minutes, I leave," because the truth is every once in a while, you dance your ass off; 20 minutes later, you're still having fun. You forgot you were anxious. Fine.

You could dance for an hour, then get anxious. You give yourself 20 minutes once you notice you're anxious, and then you bounce. Then you leave. What this is doing is building trust in your relationship to yourself. That will change your anxiety.

Marija: When you said that I'm saying that I don't know why I'm anxious, I think, yeah⁠—and you're right. I do know, but I don't want to accept it. It's just that I already know that I will not have fun, and I actually don't want to go.

Jessica: Right. Right. That's exactly what it is.

Marija: So it's this feeling that I'm already like, "No. I know I don't want to go. I know I don't want to go, and I will not have fun. I just know it." But I also want to have fun [indiscernible 00:30:18] anyways.

 Jessica: So that's the thing. The next time this happens⁠—and first of all, again, look for other parties. But the next time this happens, if you're just going to go anyways, 20 minutes max. That's the new rule. And if you decide, "I'm anxious and I realize I don't want to go," still get dressed up. Cutify the self. And then see if there's something else you can do, because there might be something else you can do. Where you live, there's lots of Queer spaces, no?

Marija: Yeah, there are some Queer bars and⁠—yeah. There are some Queer bars.

Jessica: Are there Queer spaces that are inclusive, or is it like men's bars? I know there's lesbian bars. There's not a lot of things that are Queer spaces.

Marija: I don't know. I don't really know the scene so well. I just⁠— it happens that I see on social media that there is a party or something, and then I go to this party, or I know people that are going somewhere and I like them. I just decide really randomly [crosstalk].

Jessica: Okay. I mean, that's kind of your thing, though, right? You want it to be random. That's part of the fun of it. I'm going to give you homework, and it's to find lots of different kinds of parties that are Queer, or at least Queer-ish. And challenge yourself once a month to go someplace you've never gone before. And if you feel anxious 20 minutes into it, you leave. And it's not a waste of time, and it's not a failure. It's a triumph. Listening to yourself is a triumph. And if we go back to your mom⁠—again, not to get too much into that, but she doesn't listen to herself. She doesn't trust herself. Does that make sense to you?

Marija: Yes. Yes.

Jessica: Yeah. Instead, what she does is make her life smaller and smaller and smaller to try to control how she feels. And what you've done is blown all the walls and the ceiling off your house in efforts to stay big, but having the same consequence of your mom building too small of a room to live in. It's like the opposite instead of different. In other words, it's an anxiety strategy. Within this, it's about developing the skills to engage with your anxiety instead of work around your anxiety⁠—

Marija: Okay. Yeah.

Jessica: ⁠—because part of why you're anxious is because people are difficult.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: And another reason why you're anxious is because you have a proven track record of not taking care of yourself around difficult people.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: So your system is like, "I don't trust you." And you're like, "It's fine. We'll go back to the place where you were miserable last." And your system's like, "I still don't trust you." And then we have a problem.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. So I would add, if you're on online dating apps, there's nothing wrong with setting up a first date in that kind of environment if you think it's someone you just want to hook up with and you're not really that interested in outside of hooking up. That might be a fun, random way to go to these things and actually have a reason to be there.

Marija: I see. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah, because that gives you more of what you're looking for. And if there's no vibe, then you can be like, "There's no vibe." And you know how to handle that, right?

Marija: Yes, yes.

Jessica: And a date that you're not into?

Marija: Yes, definitely.

Jessica: Yeah. Venus square Uranus. I love it. So it's integrating two things that you kind of love doing and you kind of hate doing in equal measure. So okay.

Marija: Yeah. That sounds good.

Jessica: Okay. Good. That's workable.

Marija: Yeah, no. I love the homework. I love everything you said. Yeah. One thing that I'm still curious about⁠—because often, when I want to go to these parties or these places, it's because I want to connect with people that seem interesting to me or do interesting work or where I think I would be inspired or am inspired by. So it's somehow, yeah, I really want to be at these places, but at the same time, I don't know what to do because I don't feel⁠—yeah, as you said, I don't feel connected to myself. Not really great.

Jessica: Yeah. And do you actually know that the people there do interesting work?

Marija: Well, that's the question. I don't know. If they seem to me like they do interesting work but it's⁠—I don't really know them and I don't really know what they're doing.

Jessica: Right. And when you say interesting work, do you mean artists? Do you mean activists?

Marija: Yes, artists. Yes.

Jessica: Artists. Yeah. Are you an artist as well?

Marija: Artists and activists. Yes.

Jessica: That looks like it's your sweet spot, artists and activists.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: So they may be there, but they're not there to be artists and they're not there to be activists. They're there to party. And I think that part of what you're trying to do is everything all at once⁠—Sagittarius. And so you're like, "I want to party. I want to meet people. I want to flirt. I want to know artists. I want to know activists. I'll go to this place, and everything will be there." Nuh-uh. No. Doesn't work like that. So this is where I want you to separate out the desire to hunt and flirt, which is wonderful, from the desire to be around artists and the desire to be around activists⁠—there's a Venn diagram where they're connected, but also, they're separate, right?—and then the desire to have fun and spontaneity and the desire to do random, weird shit.

They're all separate desires, and they have an overlap. But in terms of connecting with artists, there have got to be⁠—I don't know⁠—this is a regional thing, but like a vernissage, like an art opening where you can go and connect with people and you actually talk to people. That is a place where you may be a little anxious, but it's a different kind of anxiety. It's not as bad. You're just like, "Oh, I'm anxious because everybody's anxious."

Marija: Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Yes.

Jessica: So there's that. There's being a part of social movements or activist communities, and that's pretty direct, how you would get there, right?

Marija: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: It looks like you dance around these communities, but you haven't fully stepped into the communities.

Marija: Yes. Yes, exactly.

Jessica: Yeah. So, if you have a headache and you drink lemonade, there's no reason to assume that your headache will get better. It's possible, but if your headache gets better after drinking lemonade, it's not because of the lemonade. It was a coincidence. And that same thing is true for meeting artists and activists at a rave. You can't count on it. You can't count on it. So this is where I want to give you new social homework of going to more art openings, going to more⁠—whatever it is that's happening in your community where activists are, artists are, and doing that sometimes at night, sometimes during the day, making connections, and from there, if those connections become more social, going out with them.

Marija: Okay. Yeah.

Jessica: And even if they want to go to the same rave, it will be a different experience for you.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: I don't know that you're really a rave person, if I'm being honest. I'm so sorry. All this fucking sixth-house stuff, it's real rough on the system. Moon in the twelfth house, it's hard to be in any environment where people are really fucked up and not get fucked up as well, which is why you're using, even though you're like, "This isn't fun," 100 percent of the way. It's not like there's one part where you're like, "This is awesome." You're just like, "Why am I doing this to myself?" Your twelfth-house Moon isn't resilient in this way. So that doesn't mean you can't party. It just means if you can do it once a month, pick a really fun time. Don't do it four times and be like, "Shit. Why am I miserable?"

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Does that answer that question?

Marija: Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. Great. Now, I'm going to say a couple more things. So dating. Whether it's polyamory or non-monogamy or something else, I do see the desire for you to keep things open so that you can have various forms of intimacy with different kinds of people in your life. It's not just sexual intimacy. I think you like to have flirting and snuggling. There's a lot of things you really enjoy.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: You also have a Moon in Cancer opposite Saturn. And so you also really want to be important to one person and chosen.

Marija: Yeah. Yes.

Jessica: And you like dependability and consistency. I do think you can have a successful relationship. I do not see these things at odds. All this means is you need to be a good communicator and to work on this pattern of abandoning yourself because with your birth chart, I think you could have a relationship, like a primary relationship, with somebody who is much more introverted, who is somebody who is steady and has their own shit going on, but it's not super extroverted shit, somebody that you can be your introverted self with⁠—

Marija: Wow. Yeah.

Jessica: ⁠—and somebody who you can really trust and that requires you to be dependable and reliable because you actually like that part of yourself, even though you judge it and you're very weird about it. I mean, I call it very weird because I'm a Capricorn, but you're not completely comfortable with that part. You can have that as long as you don't live in the same flat together, as long as you⁠—I mean, I'm not saying you can never live with a partner. I'm just saying you don't want to. And if you did, it would be like they're upstairs; you're downstairs. You're in this part of the building; they're in that part of the building. That would work for you. You need space.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: You need autonomy. And that doesn't have to happen at the expense of having consistency and real commitments. It's not complicated if it's consensual and the right person to do it with. And I think that for you, you have been struggling to accept your eccentricities, and so you haven't. And because you haven't accepted them, you haven't found people who are a good fit because you're not presenting yourself as you are. You're presenting yourself as you think you should be.

Marija: Yes.

Jessica: And so this brings me to what's going on right now, which is to say you are going through some very intense shit right now. Pluto is opposite your Moon, and this is a once-in-a-lifetime transit. It's a two-year period, and it feels like it guts you, this transit. It doesn't happen to everyone, so not everyone will be able to identify with this, but it's like you're confronted with your deepest emotional, innermost psychological patterning, and you're being forced to heal. It's a bummer. It's also exactly what you need.

Without this transit, I honestly don't think you would be ready to do the work of changing the stuff we're talking about because it's deep and it's related to your mom. It's inherited issues. It's deep shit. And so the Pluto opposition to the Moon⁠—this is a time where you're meant to do this stuff, and it won't go well all the time. You will fuck up, and that's not a bad thing. It's the process of healing. And I say this because I see that you can be quite a perfectionist, and if things don't go right, you're like, "Well, fuck it. They're wrong." But if things don't go right, it's an opportunity to investigate what that's about.

A lot of the worst things that happen to us or a lot of the worst things that we do become the most healing events in our lives. A lot of them don't, but a lot of them do. And this is a period of your life where you do need to find ways of engaging with your emotions that are healthier and more sustainable⁠.

Marija: Yeah. Definitely.

Jessica: And it doesn't need to look like anything you've seen before. It can be your way. Now, on top of it, Neptune is forming a square to Mercury. This is another once-in-a-lifetime transit that doesn't happen to everyone, and it's an anxiety machine. Yeah. I'm so sorry. So it brings you closer to anxiety and uncertainty as you are looking for simple answers. Neptune's like, "Here's a simple answer that's absolutely false," and then you do it, and you're like, "What's wrong with me?" So this is part of why over the last, I'm guessing, six to nine months this pattern has become worse for you: because you know better, but you don't want to accept it. And so you are like square peg, round hole, over and over again.

And I want to say the lesson here is boundaries, and it's boundaries with yourself as the foundation for having boundaries in your life. And if you do the work, which I do believe you are doing and will do⁠—but if you do the work of these two transits, what will happen is you will be in a really different place in the next two years than you are right now, which is great. 

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: But here's where it's not great. Let me be honest.

Marija: Oh.

Jessica: So sorry. Yeah. Sorry⁠—is that you will then have outgrown your mom. And this is part of why you're dragging your heels. Not like you won't be able to have a relationship with her. It's not that. It's that you will have progressed past some of her deepest shit that you actually can really identify with her around. And whenever we do that, unconsciously what happens is something in our animal brain says, "Don't. Then you're going to be alone. If you really heal this, you're going to be truly alone. You'll never find people who identify." Does that make sense?

Marija: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: There's going to be some internal resistance to the level of healing you're doing because you won't be able to recognize yourself from here once you're there. And that's what you want in your brain, but the heart and the body are like, "I'm not so sure about that. What if it's worse? What if it's worse?" So I want to just kind of acknowledge all of these pieces so that you can work with them because there's going to be moments where you're like, "Progress. Yes." And there's going to be moments where you're like, "Oh no. No, no, no. I'm stuck," or, "I failed." And I want to say that being stuck and even failing are part of progress if we engage with it in a new way.

Okay. So I guess the last thing I would recommend is⁠—have you ever taken 60 days off of all drugs and alcohol?

Marija: Yes.

Jessica: Great. When was the last time you did that?

Marija: Oh, I think it was during lockdowns. So last year, maybe.

Jessica: I would encourage you to return to it. And that means if you want to go to the rave, you have to go sober and stay sober. And it will be harder for you to lie to yourself about how unhappy you are, which will be great for you. You know what I mean? It'll be really helpful. You'll be more aware of why you are unhappy in those environments, and then you can accept it. And once you accept things, it's much easier to work with them. So I would encourage you to fuck with that, and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But it's worth doing, not out of necessity, but out of choice.

Marija: Yeah. I can do that.

Jessica: Okay. Good. Cool. So I think we're at the end.

Marija: Yeah.

Jessica: I am so happy we got to do this, Marija. It's been such a pleasure.

Marija: Me too. Thank you so much. Yes. It was so good to hear all those things. I needed that so badly, and I was so happy when I read the email that you were going to answer my question. I knew I would get really practical things, and I love that. I really, really love that. Thank you so much.

What's a girl to say? This past week has been very intense. And last week in my little preamble of the horoscope section, I discussed a bunch of stuff. Amongst the things I discussed was the bigger picture of the Pluto Return as the great American experiment proves itself to be a dumpster fire, which for those of us who are paying attention, is not new. We've been smelling the smoke. Our shit's been burning up for a long time. And for a lot of people, it feels shocking and new. But either way, in the Pluto Return, we are seeing violence. We are seeing the repealing of civil liberties. We are seeing a rollback on our individual freedoms and protections from church and corporation. It is bad, and it is getting worse.

We also last week within the horoscope had a lot of "easy" aspects, sextiles and trines. And I want to just take astrology off the page with you, which is to say when studying astrology, or a lot of times when astrologers are not consulting astrologers⁠—they're not working with people primarily through their practice⁠—it is easy to look at the way things are on paper and assume that that's how they will be in practice. But life is messy. Societal issues are messy. And so what we saw last week, so many difficult things, so many truly terrible things happened in the world when we were all going through these "easy" aspects⁠—is that what sextiles and trines and astrology are referencing is a system functioning properly. So that system can be an internal system in yourself; it can be a system in society and everything in between.

When we see a system flowing or creatively, dynamically moving, it is easy to want that to be a good thing, just like when you see a challenging transit or aspect in astrology, it is tempting to assume that that is a bad thing. But what we can see really clear evidence of in the past week is that social and political conditions within the United States have not gone well, like at all. And this is because the system has been functioning exactly as it was set up to function. The system as it was intended to work is working well. And that's a pretty terrible thing.

Obviously, this is worth noting as citizens because I know a large portion of folks who listen are in the U.S. or are Americans, but it's also really important to understand this concept as astrology students and astrologers, or even as astrology fans⁠—is that when things look bad or when things look good or easy, that is an oversimplification, and it's a perspective that is lacking synthesis and nuance. So we need to really ground ourselves into the systems in ourselves, in our psychology, in our hearts, the systems that we have for coping with things in our lives and in the world, the systems themselves that hold up societies, religions and whatever ism you live in is functioning within. If these systems themselves are unethical, unkind, or cruel, then we don't want them to work well.

This is really important because we are in really difficult times, and these difficult times are activated, and they're going to stay activated whether or not an astrologer talks to you about them. We've got a couple years on this shit. So, when things go poorly in the world, it is really helpful to be inquisitive and to be able to say to yourself⁠—if you have the privilege to be reflective, like if you're able to do that, to be able to say to yourself, "Okay. The system is working. How is it working? What are the roots of the system? How are they set up?" because within that there is kind of a to-do list that can emerge pretty organically.

And to that end, I want to talk about something else before I get into the details of this week's horoscope, and it's hopelessness, because it is really hard to not feel hopeless and powerless and helpless right now because we're dealing with so much devastation around gun violence and, fuck, any number of really racist, misogynistic, ablest, transphobic and homophobic shit. I mean, I'm confident I missed a lot of things. But I want to speak to this because listen. It is easy to feel helpless and hopeless and powerless, and in some ways, we are powerless. None of us individually have control over the world or even over our circumstances and how we react to things. But when we're dealing with systemic issues, it is very easy to feel crushed by the weight of them because what can we do as individuals?

And so, if you have been feeling crushed or helpless or powerless, I want to remind you that action is the antidote for anxiety. Now, of course, action is not the antidote for medical anxiety. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the anxiety about the world, about the climate, about gun violence, about whatever it is. Pluto is in Capricorn. We're talking about the Pluto Return of the United States. It is happening in the zodiac sign of Capricorn. And so it stands to reason that we want to get systematic. We want to get organized.

In the face of problems, we can take different approaches to coping with them. We can take a slow-build approach. We can take a quick-acting approach. There's a bazillion things we can do, and if we're being honest, both approaches are needed. The only thing that we can't do, the only thing that's not good enough, is doing nothing. And so what I want to kind of encourage you to do over the next weeks or months is to consider your nature. Consider your resources and your circumstances, so not one, but all three of these things: your nature, your resources, and your circumstances. And based on these three considerations, strive to determine the best way for you to participate.

So I'm not saying find the only way to participate. I'm not saying try to find the ultimate and ideal best thing to do, because when we get perfectionistic, we get in our own way. We don't need perfection right now. What we need is masses of people, people of conscience, coming together and doing their part. So don't be perfectionistic here. You don't need the perfect thing. You need the thing that you can sustain, that is effective, and is effective for you to do based on, again, your nature, resources, and circumstances. There are revolutionary actions that you can choose to participate in. There are ways of working within the system that you may choose to do. There's a ton of momentum around mutual aid. And if you're somebody who's like, "People talk about mutual aid," and is not exactly sure what the fuck that means, I have linked a tool kit to understanding what mutual aid is in the show notes of this episode.

There are so many ways of showing up and of helping. And, that said, the old adage of thinking globally and acting locally is a good one to follow. I will say something about republicans. They have been patient, systematic, and taken highly effective long-term approaches to creating the changes that they want to see in the world. Now, what they want to see in the world and what they're fighting for and making happen stands in opposition to all that is good in my eyes. But regardless of that, this approach of not needing to see immediate advances but instead doggedly returning to working towards shared ends over the course of decades, being up the asses of politicians, writing letters, building community around their principles⁠—all that shit's really effective. And it's also really slow.

If that makes sense for your nature, I do want to acknowledge that in these times of tragedy, it can feel like you're doing nothing when you're doing slow, big actions, when you're doing things that are more of an investment that builds over time. That can feel like you're not doing anything, but it is something, and it's a really important set of somethings. And again, we do not all need to agree on the best way to show up and advocate for our needs and the needs of others. We just need to show up.

What's important is to be generous, to be generous with your resources if you can, with your time and your energy if you can⁠—and not all of us can, but if you can⁠—and to make sure that your actions⁠—your actions, not just your thoughts and your prayers; we love thoughts and prayers here on a woo-woo podcast, obviously, but thoughts, prayers, and actions. We don't want to lose that actions part. So we want to make sure that your actions reflect your values, that you are actively participating and making the world what you want it to be. And that is slow work some of the time, a lot of the time. But it can be done.

And this is the last thing I'll say before we get into this week's horoscope. It can be done because the Pluto Return is a time for transformation. And when clients come into my office and they're going through Pluto transits, the way I describe Pluto transits for years to individuals⁠—and it works for the Pluto Return⁠—is that if you imagine that you are a house⁠—so let's say these here United States are a house. What the Pluto Return is is a bunch of big-ass yellow trucks, and one of them comes, and it knocks down the house. And the other one comes, and it digs real deep under the foundation of the house and pulls up the foundation, pulls up the plumbing, pulls up the electric, just pulls up everything. It guts the place where your house once stood. And then you get to rebuild.

That's what a Pluto transit is. And so, as upsetting, as terrifying, as devastating as so much of what we've gone through and we are likely to still go through is, it is not only a time of oppression and repression, of pain and suffering; it is a time where we can⁠—we the people, we the majority, can⁠—come together and strive towards healing. And healing means we don't just shift our problems, and it doesn't mean we just pass the torch from one oppressive dirtbag to another. Healing means healing. So the capacity for us to achieve this in this period is incredibly high. It's incredibly high, but it won't happen without effort.

We need to let go of systems, of attitudes⁠—on a more personal level⁠—of relationships, ideas, feelings that no longer serve us, that maybe never served us. And that is painful. Pluto governs shame. Pluto governs reparations. Pluto governs violence, transformation, recovery, abuses of power, misuses of power, but also healthy embodiment of power, the transformational impact that power shared can bring. So we're all here for a reason. What are the fucking chances that you're alive right now? I mean, in a global context, like if you really think about it from a universal perspective, chances aren't super high. But here you are. And what are we going to do about it? That's all. That's all. What are we going to do about it? You don't have to find the perfect thing. Find the thing you can do, and do it.

Okay. Pep talk over. Maybe it wasn't that much of a pep talk. It was like a triple Capricorn pep talk, which is to say hard truths, pain in the ass, real talks. Get to work. That's how a Capricorn gives a pep talk. Okay. Okay. So let's talk about your horoscope.

This week, we are looking at the astrology of May 29th through June 4th of 2022, and there's some shit to talk about. On the 29th, we have a Mars/Jupiter conjunction. Now, I talked about this transit last week. So much of what we have seen in the last week has been a result of the Mars/Jupiter conjunction, and this is the intensification of aggression. So Jupiter expands; Mars fights. Mars is associated with aggression, ambition, competition, policing⁠—we've seen, certainly, in the U.S. some really fucking disgusting shit around policing. And Jupiter makes things bigger. It expands.

On the 29th, this transit will be exact. Now, on a personal level, this transit is really good for recovery, for building up your body or your ego to expand. So this is about taking up space in a healthy way. This is about strengthening your body and accessing your ambitions and your capacity for taking up space, getting shit done. This can be a very fortifying transit. It's also really good for hooking up and flirting, going dancing, that kind of fun shit, although it's still a pandemic. Hospitalizations are going up, deaths are going up, and cases are going up. Okay. Yeah. Wear a fucking mask.

Mars conjunction to Jupiter can be a super-spreader event because we're talking about all this Aries energy. And Aries is fire, and it spreads fast. It's a very pioneering zodiac sign. And so that kind of pioneering, fast-moving fire energy, it's not really what you want to play with in an airborne global pandemic. Yes, I'm not even mentioning monkeypox. You see where I'm going with this, though, right? We can push forward and use all that brazen, fiery, excitable passionate energy to do what we want because we want it and because it serves us as individuals. Or we can be more considerate and use that energy to advance causes, to live in accordance with our philosophies and ideals. Jupiter.

Unfortunately, most people probably won't choose to do this, because you're not being forced to do this. And this is why we love harder transits. That's why we love squares and oppositions. I know you think we don't love those things, but we do because unfortunately, while they do, yes, hand us our ass and they are difficult, they're also the thing that rein us in before going in the wrong direction, that teach us how to cope so that we can make better choices even when we don't have to. So that's the Mars conjunction to Jupiter.

On the 30th, I have two important things to tell you about. The first thing is something called Mercury square to Saturn. Now, this particular transit⁠—because Mercury is Retrograde, it's not going to hit exactitude. The last time this transit occurred was April 24th. So, on April 24th, Mercury was not Retrograde, so it had a different vibe. But from the 30th of May through June 8th, we are going to be under the influence of the Mercury square to Saturn. Again, it will not reach exactitude, but it's real close around the 30th and the start of June.

This transit is depressing. Literally, that's what it governs. Mercury is your mind. It's how you communicate. It's how you listen. It is your friendships. It's your DMs, your emails, all forms of communication, and also your attitudes that you have and your beliefs that you have. That's related to communication. And when Mercury forms a square to Saturn, which is reality and authority and obligation, maturity and wisdom, what we can be confronted by is a scarcity mindset. And having a scarcity mindset when things around you are burning can be kind of catastrophic, depending on your nature. It can also help you to be a little bit more realistic as you feel like you're forced to cope with or to confront what's actually happening here and now.

Mercury square to Saturn can make you feel lonely, like you don't have people, like you don't know what to say, like there's no hope, there's nothing you can do⁠—again, scarcity mindset. The positive potential here is that this transit can motivate us to research, to listen, to be humble, to investigate and communicate from a place of humility and personal responsibility. And we need more of that. My loves, we need more of that. So if, in this just over weeklong period, you are feeling especially down, I want to say this is a transit, and like all transits, it will pass. And there's a meaning to it. There is a value to it.

Now, Mercury is Retrograde at the start of this period, but it goes direct sooner than halfway through. It kind of drags out this Retrograde vibe because, as we know, Mercury Retrograde follows the rule of re's. We are reflecting. We are reassessing. And a Mercury square to Saturn is kind of like an opportunity to step into the garden and take a real gander, really look at where you've planted things and whether or not they are thriving in those locations, and if they're not, to get out your shovel, dig them up by the roots, and relocate them.

And so, while this is a bit more action-based than Mercury Retrograde is on its own, because this is starting in a Retrograde, it's going to drag that dynamic through to the 8th. Within this, you have the opportunity⁠—we all have the opportunity⁠ to engage with our own thoughts and our limiting self-talk, the ways in which we isolate ourselves from others. Maybe we get rigid when we are uncertain. We don't let others in when we desperately need to connect. This is a really important transit to pay attention to because from May 30th through June 8th, how you are experiencing this transit is great information for you to have about yourself.

Now, in terms of social and political movements, it's a tricky one. Movement can be made. Changes can be made. But it is through blood, sweat, and tears. That's how this goes. And so, if things are hard, that doesn't mean you shouldn't do them, right? If they're easy, doesn't mean they're great. Do what's right because it's right, not because it's easy and not because you're getting immediate validation that it's going to work. Oftentimes in life, we are called upon to identify what we believe to be right and to do what's right when we are getting no reinforcement. If the only reason why we do "the right thing," which⁠—open to interpretation. But if the only reason why we're doing the right thing is because we want others to perceive us as right and good, then we're not doing the right thing. Motivation is relevant. So look at your motivations. Look at your intentions.

It is okay to be wrong. It is okay to be suffering and struggling. You don't have to do it alone. Being humble enough to ask for help, being humble enough to acknowledge where you have been wrong, is valuable. It is really healthy to outgrow things, to evolve. And Mercury square to Saturn is actually a powerful time for our evolution but not a fluid time for evolution. It's the evolution that comes through maturity, and maturity typically comes through experiences. So be present with the experiences you're having, and through reflection and effort, you may actually be stepping towards abundance through this transit that puts us in contact with scarcity. I know it sounds paradoxical, but trust me. That's how this shit works.

Now, the other thing that's happening on the 30th is a New Moon in Gemini. Yay, New Moons. We love New Moons. Theoretically, we love New Moons. This New Moon in Gemini features Saturn square to Mercury. Saturn is at 25 degrees, and Mercury Retrograde is at 26 degrees and 37 minutes. So it's not an exact square, but it's pretty tight. New Moons are always a good time for turning a new leaf. They're always a good time for starting anew. They're always a good time for planting seeds and setting intention. Having a New Moon in Gemini is a particularly exciting burst of energy, and it's mental energy.

Now, you want to remember that the ruling planet to Gemini is Mercury, and Mercury is Retrograde. And so there's something more internal about this particular New Moon, which translates to us being kind of in a good place for self-reflection and for planting seeds in our own psychology. Yes, it's a Moon transit, but it's in Gemini, which is Mercurial. So this is where it's important to look at our emotional wellness and our mental wellness.

Now, on its own, New Moon in Gemini⁠—fun, fun, fun, till my daddy took the T-Bird away. It can be real good. Unfortunately, we are living through messy times, and so this is a messy chart. And because we have this Mercury square to Saturn, we may see power struggles. We may see restrictions. You may see people⁠—and you're people, so it could be you⁠—but we may see people acting out, unintentionally or intentionally placing blame on others about where we are at. And so you want to watch out for that.

A depressive or negative state of mind can empower us, can empower anyone, to act like a dick. And that's not great. But most of the worst things that people do they do because they're in pain. And if you think back to the worst things you've done, you probably were feeling like shit when you did those things or living through a period where you felt like shit about yourself. This is where we tend to go sideways.

Now, let's add to this⁠—so Gemini tends to be a little all over the place, can get a little scattered. Saturn/Mercury, a little too focused. It's kind of heavyhearted, heavy-handed. And then we've got this Mars/Jupiter conjunction. It is no longer in exactitude, but we are absolutely still feeling it. In fact, we're going to continue to feel this transit through the 2nd of June. But we're still feeling it here. The combo platter of this New Moon⁠—excitable New Moon⁠—with the heavy scarcity-minded Saturn/Mercury square and the Mars/Jupiter conjunction in Aries can have people feeling really defensive and really quick to judge or react.

We may see reporting, like journalistic reporting, that is confusing or all over the place, that is wrong. We may also not truly get to see it, but we may also find that journalists or news reporters are unable to publish their findings. So, again, it may be like the system at-large is tamping down on free speech and on our ability to share news. There is a risk of violence with this combination. It doesn't help matters that Pluto is forming a square to Venus. We talked about that transit last week when it was exact. It is still active now, even though it is an out-of-sign aspect.

With this transit, we have kind of a struggle around values. Because Pluto is involved, that struggle is a power struggle around values, and so we may see violence emerge as some people try to abuse power based on their value systems. We are living in a powder keg. The world is in a powder keg right now. And what you can do about it is to mind your energy. If you feel really reactive, yeah, don't get online. Don't start shit with people. This is not the time to impulsively tell people what you think of them or get in the way of something that's not your business, unless it is necessary. And who deems what's necessary when I don't know, but I will say pick your battles wisely. Pick your battles with integrity.

Make sure that you are not projecting out your emotions or seeking to blame others or looking for a way to release your terrible feelings on a situation or a person that doesn't actually deserve it. This is hard work because when we are activated is when we are least likely to act right. When we're activated is when we act out. And so, again, this is an important period for you, and in particular this New Moon this date, which⁠—by the way, it's May 30th. It's exact at 4:30 a.m. Pacific Time. So, on this date, around this date, it is important to, as the saying goes, check yourself before you wreck yourself. Yeah. It works. The saying works.

Okay. Listen. The energy is chaotic. It's a lot. It's a lot of energy. A lot of people are really activated right now. Within that, I want to just ground you into the energy that is likely to be at play so that you can do your best to be your best even when you feel your worst. That's the best we can do. On a personal or social level, we can make great strides this New Moon. Progress can be achieved. But the energy is really intense, and I do have concerns about this Mars/Jupiter conjunction in a time of war because we are living through a time of war. I mean, honestly, it's always a time of war somewhere, but there seems to be a rash of conflicts occurring around the world. And I don't imagine it getting easier this week.

So don't forget that a New Moon in Gemini is a great time to be curious, to be inquisitive, to ask questions, to really listen to the answers, to do your own research if it comes to that, but to not make assumptions, instead to be interested and also to be adaptable. A lot of what's going on astrologically this week and on this New Moon is not very adaptable energy, but a New Moon in Gemini is powerful because it does support us in being adaptable. And in times of turmoil, we need that. Right?

So, all that said, my loves, I got more for you. And it's not a lot, but it's really valuable. It's really nice. On the 3rd of June, guess who goes direct? That's Mercury. Yeah. Mercury goes direct. It is good news for the damn people. It's good news for all of us. So Mercury is now in Taurus, and it is direct. And that means communication will improve. Huzzah. But don't throw a party yet, because we're going to be in the shadow period of the Mercury Retrograde until June 18th. So things are improving. Communication is likely to get more streamlined. But until June 18th, it's still going to be a little bit of a thing. It's still going to be a little bit of a thing.

So you can sign your contracts. You can do all that kind of good stuff. But it's still likely to be a little bit of a bumpy ride as Mercury moves back through all the degrees that it was in when it was Retrograde. So we're going to be revisiting a lot of the things that came up during the Retrograde. This is helpful because it helps us to clean up whatever messes may have been created, but it's also annoying because it means everything's not back to normal, whatever that means. Am I right? And, my loves, that's your horoscope.

In case you're not using Astrology For Days, my web-based transit-tracking app, which you should be using, of course⁠—astrologyfordays.com⁠—or some other transit-tracking app, I'm going to run through these transits for you one more time so you can take notes, put it in your little calendar, and be ready. On the 29th, we have an exact conjunction between Mars and Jupiter. It's combustible. On the 30th, Mercury is not forming an exact square to Saturn, but we start to feel the effects of Mercury square to Saturn, and we will feel them through June 8th. Also, at 4:30 a.m. Pacific Time on the 30th of May, we've got a New Moon in Gemini. And then, on the 3rd, Mercury goes direct. That's your damn horoscope, my loves.

So this week is the 1st of the month, and that means I am dropping on my Patreon a bonus episode of Ghost of a Podcast where I delineate the astrology of the month ahead. So if you are the kind of nerd who wants to go deep with astrology and have a sense of what's coming up, follow me there. I also drop just tons of content on my Patreon because⁠—and this is a true fact⁠—I fucking love my patrons. I love my patrons, and it's kind of my happy, safe place on the internet. I'm a big fan. I really appreciate everyone who supports me there, and I love getting to work with folks there. So, if you're interested, join me. If you don't really want to join me on Patreon, that's cool.

I am teaching a class June 4th. That class is High Times and Addiction in Astrology. It's going to be an explanation of drugs, substance use, and astrology. So, whether that's something that's personally interesting to you because of your own life choices or you're an astrologer, an astrology student, and you want to learn how to read that stuff in a birth chart and consult with people around it, join me. The link is in show notes. It's also in the ticker tape on my website. You can just click the link there, and yeah, join me June 4th. Or, I guess if you can't come, that's sad but totally cool because you get the recordings into your inbox right after the class. So you can watch it whenever you want.

As always, I invite you to subscribe to the podcast. That's free. Write a review for the show or give me five stars. It does make a big difference, and it is deeply valued. Thank you to everyone who's done that because it's very touching. I appreciate it.

I just want to say one more word about this week. You don't have to get it right for it to be the right thing. Right? Right. Okay. Do your best. Keep on showing up even when it's hard, and that includes showing up for yourself by taking time for rest and play, whatever that looks like for you, because life is a struggle and we need to use our resources to find meaning and joy within that struggle. Okay. I'll talk to you next week. Buh-bye.