Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

The state uses media and technology to silence, surveil, and criminalize marginalized communities. Big tech companies partner with ICE and law enforcement to spy on Trans youth, folks seeking abortions, activists, immigrants, Muslim families, and more. Tech and media don't just shape how we tell our stories; they also determine who is and is not free. MediaJustice is a BIPOC- and Queer-led organization fighting for racial, economic, and gender justice in a digital age. Home of the MediaJustice network made up of more than 70 grassroots partners, MediaJustice fights discrimination, surveillance, algorithmic bias, and dehumanizing narratives alongside communities most impacted by these issues. Support MediaJustice's vision of a world where everyone is connected, represented, and free. Visit mediajustice.org/give today, and follow MJ on social media, @mediajustice, to join our movement.

Jessica: Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. What would you like to talk about today?

Guest: So I'm just having a few intimacy issues with my relationship. I'm not really sure where I should go with it because⁠—so she's having some health issues, and those health issues have just caused a lot of issues with her intimacy, so our sex life and everything like that. But it's been a few years of this issue, and I'm just having a tough time deciding if I can sacrifice that side, that intimate side that I really like, and keep moving forward with the relationship or not.

Jessica: All right. That's intense, and I'm sorry. So let me ask a couple background questions. The first is how many years have you been together?

Guest: Seven.

Jessica: Whoa. Okay. So I'm going to share your birth information. You were born August 18th of '91, 3:39 p.m., in Paducah, Kentucky. Seven years is a long time for anyone, but at your age, that's like your whole 20s.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: That's a very big deal. So, before the last two years⁠—two years, you said, right?

Guest: Give or take. Probably actually more than that. I would say it increasingly got⁠—not worse, but more intense as the years progressed. So probably around three or four.

Jessica: Three or four. That makes astrological sense, and I'll get there in a minute. So, before this four- to two-year period, depending on how severe we're looking at it, was the sex satisfying? Was intimacy satisfying?

Guest: Yes, it was.

Jessica: Okay. Awesome. Mutually, right? You both were into it?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Do you live together?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: And when did you move in together?

Guest: About a year after we started dating.

Jessica: Okay. So it's not related to living together, the intimacy stuff.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: And you've talked to her about this?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: And does she describe feeling attracted to you but just not sexual in her body, or is she having issues with attraction?

Guest: She has been dealing with some health issues, so it started with that. She was just in a lot of physical pain, and then I think it just became like this automatic reaction to any sort of intimacy was just shut it down because of the pain that she was having.

Jessica: That sucks for both of you, a lot. And has she expressed missing sex or intimacy? Because it sounds like you're talking about both fornicating but also snuggling, being tender and romantic; is that correct?

Guest: Yes. That's correct. She mentioned recently that she does not miss sex at all.

Jessica: Wow.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: And you very much miss sex, I'm assuming.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Yeah. I'm so sorry. And does she know that you very much miss it?

Guest: I think she knows. I try not to mention it too much because I don't want her to feel bad, because it's not something that she can control, you know?

Jessica: So let me dig. You said you try not to mention it too much. Have you said it⁠—it's been going on for four years. Have you said it in plain, direct English, "I am unhappy. I feel bummed about this. I miss having sex"? Have you said that really directly to her at least four times in four years?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. So, before I dive in, I guess I want to ask, what kind of advice are you looking for? Are you looking for ways of getting out of the relationship? Are you looking at ways of staying in the relationship and making it work?

Guest: I mean, I would ideally like to make the relationship work.

Jessica: Why?

Guest: Because I think that we are a good match in a lot of ways. I think that I truly love her. She's my best friend, and we've built a good family together. We've built this life together, and we do kind of have a good sense of direction for the future together. So that I really want to keep, but I also know that⁠—I just don't know if I'd be sacrificing a part of myself and if I'd grow resentment.

Jessica: Yeah. So, first of all, that's a great reason to want to make it work. And I'll tell you, over the years where I've done sessions with people, I've heard a lot of very mediocre and bad reasons to make something work or to try. This is a great reason, so yay. And it sounds like outside of this dynamic and the kind of unintended consequences around it, the relationship is still good, correct?

Guest: Yes. Yes.

Jessica: So there's a lot that I want to say, but I'm going to start with you. In February 2020, you entered into a period called Neptune square the Ascendant. This transit ended in February 2022. And also, in April 2020, you entered into another Neptune transit period that will end on January 18th of 2023. So you've got a few more months. It doesn't surprise me that you say it's been kind of significantly worse in the last two years because these Neptune transits are⁠—I mean, to call them boner killers is a vast understatement. It tends to put you in a position where, unfortunately, you don't get your needs met, and you don't know how to advocate for your needs. And it feels like you're in an impossible situation.

Classic Neptune shit is being laid off of your job⁠—it's not like you're fired; it's outside of everyone's control⁠—or having a partner who is not okay with themselves and therefore can't be there in a way that you need as a partner. And it's very hard to be like, "I'm unhappy. You're not giving me what I need," when you are aware that they're struggling, and it's not about you.

I want to just acknowledge this has been going on in your birth chart, not in hers. And that means that this issue of identifying your needs and preferences, advocating for your needs and preferences, and having healthy boundaries with yourself and others has been your lesson in this period. And this is part of why I was asking you how much you've actually said to her about this, because Neptune transits tend to make it really hard for us to advocate for ourselves. And in particular, in your birth chart, you have a natal Mars Ascendant square, and this means a lot of things, including you can be really assertive, like you're pretty good at being like, "I want to do this. Why aren't we doing this?" Correct? Yeah?

Guest: Yes. Definitely.

Jessica: And in this period, I imagine that you have flip-flopped between not advocating for yourself, not saying what you need, and then just kind of barfing it out or barking it out.

Guest: Yes. That's exactly what it is.

Jessica: Yeah. And so, of course, that has completely the opposite of the intended effect. Neither of those things work. And so, from this larger perspective spiritually or astrologically, this period and this situation are happening so that you find more effective ways of expressing your needs and preferences. So I want to start with that because we will get into what's going on with her and what's going on in your dynamic, but as I look upon your chart, my dear, look at this.

You've got Uranus/Neptune/North Node in Capricorn, as people born in the early 1990s often do, in your first house. And so the way that you come across to people is not always how you actually are. And so finding someone that you deeply love and care about and that you're comfortable with and that sees you as you are⁠—it's not a nothing to you. It's a big thing to you.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: On top of it, you have a Moon/Ascendant conjunction in Sagittarius. So you want what you want. You really are a person who gets strong feelings, and they tend to gallop forward or away from things. And so those two things alone, just not even getting into the rest of your chart, articulate that it's kind of a miracle that you're still emotionally in this because it is your nature to⁠—even though you feel safe and you want to be invested with someone, it is your nature when you keep on walking into a wall for you to be like, "All right. I'm leaving. I'm burning through the house and I'm leaving."

There are many things in your chart that articulate the ways in which you are loyal, and building family with someone, having someone become a part of your routines, is huge for you. But not getting your needs met, some of your basic needs⁠—which I do believe that in a romantic relationship between two people who start off fucking and having lots of fun, sexy times, there is this unspoken and sometimes spoken agreement that we're not just bros; we're here to hook up. There's more going on. And so it's perfectly reasonable for you to expect to have an active sex life with your partner, whatever that means at any given time.

And I'm going to have you say your full name and say her full name. We're not going to look at her birth chart because she's not here, but I'm going to look at you both energetically.

Guest: Okay. My name is [redacted], and her name is [redacted].

Jessica: Oh. Is she quite serious?

Guest: She can be.

Jessica: Okay. She looks like she's holding her breath. Is that just where she's at right now, or is that the kind of person she is?

Guest: I would say that's a great description. She looks like she's holding her breath.

Jessica: Okay. She looks like she's holding her breath. Okay, because it's really what I see when I look at her psychically. Okay. Bear with me for a moment. Okay. So, when I look at this energetically, I see there's a lot of things you're not talking about. And this happens⁠—you've heard of the seven-year itch, right? This happens in all marriages, which⁠—I think after three years, I don't care what we call it. Let's call it a marriage. I think this happens. I also think some of what's happening with intimacy⁠—so I'm not talking about sex exclusively. I'm talking about intimacy. Bear with me. It's like I'm having a hard time seeing which one is the chicken and which one is the egg.

Is it kind of like the two of you aren't hooking up, and you aren't being intimate, and therefore other things are building, building, building, and no one wants to bring up anything serious because once you start talking about one serious thing, everything comes up? Or is the lack of intimacy a response to things having already been starting to build before? I kind of can't tell. Do you know?

Guest: I definitely think it's the lack of intimacy first because other issues that I have I can look past if there is intimacy. Does that make sense?

Jessica: Of course. Yeah. Yeah. So this is what I'm going to say about what I'm seeing with where she's at in her body. She is sometimes in pain, sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes fine. Is that correct?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Yeah. It ebbs and flows throughout the month.

Guest: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: But she doesn't feel quite safe or right in her body, and she is just kind of struggling with being over-associated, like hypervigilant, or disassociated from that part of her body. Does that make sense from what you experience with her?

Guest: I think so. I think that is.

Jessica: And it does not look like she has a therapist; is that correct?

Guest: That's correct.

Jessica: Yeah. I mean, listen. You listen to the podcast. I'm a fan of therapy. And it's not like I think talk therapy is the only or even the best way, but I am a fan of having a person that's dedicated once a week⁠—you don't have to ask her or them any questions about themselves; you only have to talk about yourself. And to me, that's worth its weight in gold. And I feel like your partner could really use a person to talk about all of this stuff with you because it's not appropriate to talk about with you or with friends at the extent that she does need to talk about it.

So, connected to this whole topic, I do encourage you to encourage her to find someone to talk to that's like a safe third party. This is not about couples counseling. It's about her relationship to her body. I'm going to just be really frank and direct about what I'm seeing here. She doesn't want to try. She doesn't want to snuggle. She doesn't want to give you a millimeter because she's scared that if she gives you a millimeter, then she's going to have to give you an inch. And if she gives you an inch, she's going to have to give you a mile.

Guest: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: And so she's giving you nothing.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: And this is a coping mechanism that looks like it's deep from her own childhood shit. Does that make sense to you?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. So now we're in⁠—it's about how she relates to survival and self-control, and it's how you relate to survival and self-control, because in your early trauma what you had to do is if you wanted to make something happen, you had to make it happen. It was on you. So being passive was not the healthy, effective way. And if you at the beginning of this process were pushing her more, or somewhere in the middle of this process you were pushing her more, I imagine it spectacularly backfired. Were you pushing at some point in the relationship around sex more?

Guest: Yes, definitely.

Jessica: It didn't work at all, I imagine.

Guest: Right. It didn't, and it hurt my feelings.

Jessica: Yeah. Of course. It hurt your feelings, and it made her dig in her heels more is what it looks like, because again, she's just like, "I cannot give you a single instant of hope that we're going to hook up, because I don't want to reject you. So I'm just going to just cut off that whole part of our relationship dynamic." I do want to acknowledge that she is not doing this because of how she feels about you, although it's changing how she feels about you and it's changing how you feel about her. She's doing it because it's the only thing she knows how to do.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: And that doesn't make it better or worse in practice, but it is a different motivation, and that's valid and relevant, right? In the course of a marriage and in the course of a lifetime with someone, shit happens, and we have to be able to deal with it. What I'm concerned about when I look at this is, yeah, first of all, you are very fucking unhappy with this. I mean, the way you talked about it sounded much more chill than what it looks like. This is kind of heartbreaking for you. Is that right?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: I'm sorry. And it's exacerbating the rigid part of her nature, and she's not unhappy with this dynamic. I think she's being honest with you. I think she doesn't think about sex unless she's thinking about you wanting to have sex. And it's not like she's thinking about having sex alone with herself or with other people.

Guest: Right. Right.

Jessica: I don't think that's what's happening. I fear that she's slipping into this kind of comfort around, "Well, this could just be life. This could just be the way it is." And this is not how you can live. I mean, I got real close to the mic. I wanted you to feel like I was there with you. This is not for you. You really do⁠—listen. You have a stellium in your eighth house. You've got Chiron, Jupiter, the Sun, Mercury, and Venus all in the eighth house. And that Sun/Jupiter conjunction is intercept your eighth house. So, for you, having adventures and being playful and dancing in the kitchen and boning are all ways of experiencing love and validation, and it's part of the life you want.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Yeah. It looks like those are specifically the things that she's pulled out of the relationship. It's not just about sex. It's about playfulness, like a certain kind of playfulness is now gone.

Guest: Yes. Yes.

Jessica: I'm so sorry. I mean, I'm sorry for both of you because, I mean, it's not making either of you happy. She's in survival mode. She's not trying to be happy. And it's not because the [redacted] is that extreme. It's because her psychological and emotional response to the [redacted] is that extreme because⁠—

Guest: No, you're right. You're right on the money.

Jessica: I mean, I don't want to minimize her lived experience in any way. But there are lots of ways for the body to suffer, and I think she's having a really strong, hypervigilant fear response to the suffering she's having as opposed to the suffering being extreme. Sometimes the suffering is extreme; physical suffering is extreme. But that's not the core problem for years on end.

So I'm going to pull back into your birth chart. Between now and the end of January 2023, my advice to you is to work on finding empathetic ways⁠—and I mean empathetic to yourself and to her⁠—of advancing your goals or discussing your needs, preferences, and boundaries. This is as hard as it sounds⁠—

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: ⁠—because in order to have a real process with a partner, we need consent. And I fear that she will not consent to having a conversation about this stuff anymore. Has that been your experience?

Guest: It's definitely happened. But I will say, the last time we spoke about it, I really wanted to just say just emotionally how sad it was, and she really just flipped it back onto me. She didn't absorb any of it, it seemed like. And that was like a real turning point for me. It was almost the last straw, and then I messaged you.

Jessica: So okay. There's lots of layers to this. The first one is I'm not encouraging you to give up yet. I understand that you have a little bit, and so has she. She's not trying to break up. That's not what she wants, but she's given up. And I have a lot of empathy for her, and for you, of course. But it's not like there's a bad guy in this situation.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: Wouldn't it be chill if there was a bad guy and you could be like, "Fuck her. This sucks"? But this is a really fucked-up situation. And so I'm going to give you advice about how to talk to her about this topic, but it's not just talky advice. It's about being honest. And this is what's really hard in situations that aren't black and white, that are complex and nuanced like this one, is that we tend to overspeak the details or underspeak the details, and both are not genuine.

And so here's my advice. You're going to come to her one day and you're going to say, "I really need to talk about this. Do you have the bandwidth to talk about it now?" And if she says yes, you have the conversation. If she says no, you say, "Okay. This is really important to me. Can you promise that you bring it up when you're open in the next two weeks?" And if she says no, that's fucked up. I don't think she'll do that, but let's just be real. If she says yes⁠—which is my guess what she'd do⁠—and then doesn't bring it up, okay. Two weeks and one day, you bring it up.

And if you have to bring it up again, you say, "I told you something was important to me. I asked you to bring it up. You promised me you would, and you did it. I need to trust you, and you broke my trust. So I'm going to ask you again, can you be open to talking about it?" The key here⁠—and this is very important⁠—is the getting consent part. And the key here is to not be defensive because she is caught up in her own trauma patterns. This is like a trance pattern. She is in an avoidant state, which is why my guess is that she won't be available to have a conversation if you give her an out, because she's in an avoidant state. And it's not avoidant of you. It's avoidant of a certain depth of emotion because she's suffering.

So, when you finally sit down and have the damn conversation, it's very important that you keep in mind that you are expressing to her your feelings, needs, and preferences, and they're all valid, and that she is your teammate. Set this conversation up as, "I am in love with you. I am invested in you. We've had seven years together. I want to know what you look like when you're 70. I want to be annoyed with you when you're 70. I want to do this together. I want to grow old with you. I want to be with you forever. And I'm really unhappy with the dynamic in our relationship, and I want us to come to some sort of resolution or some sort of plan on how to engage with it over the course of the next six months, not this week."

It's very important that you name that for her. "We're in this together. I am invested in you. I'm not mad at you. I just am scared. I don't want to lose you. And so we need to start to unpack this over a chunk of time." So I'm just slowing down my advice. I'm getting into that Mercury in Virgo that you have. I'm giving you the deets. But I really want you to focus on these details because the mistake that most of us make when processing with people we deeply care about is we come at them when we're hot. And when you come in hot, people go into defensiveness and they're not listening. And if you come in too cool, people don't hear you because you're not really being there. You're not really authentic.

So this is how you achieve that middle ground. So that's our starting point. And then, from there⁠—is she a really analytic person?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. Cool. So I'm going to give you a couple options of how you can do this because you've tried talking to her about this before, and you basically say something to the effect of, "We're not having sex. We're not having intimacy. I'm really upset." Is that it?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. So you're going to ask questions. I would start with talking about intimacy, so saying to her, "I want to talk to you about intimacy, not about sex, but about our intimacy." And then say, "I do want to talk about sex as well, but I really perceive them as separate, and I want to talk about them separately." So, if either of you slips and starts to make this about sex at this stage of the conversation, you want to rein that back in.

And you start off with asking a question: "Do you miss"⁠—or maybe you even want to⁠—depending on where things are at, you can start with, "Have you noticed that over the last four years, which is half our relationship, we've been becoming progressively less intimate and snuggly and tender with each other?" Have you ever asked her that?

Guest: Yes. Well, I don't think I've asked her it that way, no.

Jessica: Okay.

Guest: I haven't worded it like that, no.

Jessica: Try something to that effect, so just asking her, "Are you aware of this?"

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: I'm guessing she is less aware than you are. So we start with that. The next one is, "Do you miss it? Do you miss being intimate?" And it's important that you're curious about her answers instead of setting her up. Don't do this if you're feeling defensive, and if you catch yourself feeling defensive, try to be like, "I need to know how she feels. I need to be curious about where she's coming from."

So then ask her, "Do you feel like if we're snuggling in front of the television or being playful and having a wrestling match"⁠—whatever the kids are doing these days⁠⁠—"if you feel like we are being romantically snuggly-touchy but not sexual, do you feel like that means we're going to have to have sex? Do you connect those two things, or do you feel like they're separate?"

You need to know the answers to these questions. If she gets defensive, I would encourage you to just slow her down and be like, "Listen. I know that we've fought about this. I know this is a point of contention. But I am so invested in this working, I really want to know what's going on for you." So interrupt her defensiveness with empathy and kindness. Do you think this is viable for you?

Guest: I can try.

Jessica: That's what we're looking for, ever. Okay. Cool, cool, cool⁠—because some people aren't so verbal in the particular ways I'm recommending here, and some people aren't as comfortable being direct. You are very weird in lots of ways, but in this particular way⁠—congratulations; I love weird⁠—but in this particular way, it's like you're very direct but you're also very nondirect sometimes. So that's why I was like, "You could do this, but would you do this?"

Guest: Right.

Jessica: Okay. So, in other words, what you're doing is you're being curious about the intimacy piece. And then you can say to her, "Do you want to ask me those same questions, or do you not really want to know the answers to those same questions?" I could see, depending on how defensive she is, her saying she doesn't want to know, which is important for you to hear if that's the case. It is very bad news if that's the case, but it's important for you to get that news if that's her truth. If she doesn't want to know how you feel, that is an injury that you don't want to pretend isn't there, as much as you may want to pretend it isn't there.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: If she does want to know what your answers are to these same questions, you can answer them without any prompting or advice from me. You could write a novel, right? You know how you feel about this shit. From there, if she does miss it, or if she doesn't miss it but if she wants that back, to have a conversation about what could the two of you do that is playful, intimate, snuggly, based on the agreement that it's not going to lead to sex. It's not about sex at all. It's about snuggling, dancing, playing, whatever, because I think for you, that is not enough. It's too little too late, a little bit. But it's progress.

And for her, if she can't do this, that's really important information for you to have. And if she can do this, it becomes this foundation for developing a new kind of intimacy with this new body she finds herself in. So, first of all⁠—and I'm going to get to the sex bit in a minute; don't you worry. But first of all, I want to just check and see, does that seem realistic? Does that seem like it could work? Does that seem different enough from what you've done in the past?

Guest: I think that it's definitely realistic. It just worries me for what's going to be the response.

Jessica: Yeah. Let's stay with that for a second. I think it makes lots of sense to be worried. Most of the time, in serious relationships, we don't ask our partners questions because we're terrified that they'll give us the wrong answer. But if she's going to give you the wrong answer, it's already the wrong answer here and now.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: You need to know. You deserve to know. The two of you have such a solid foundation of⁠—I won't say friendship. That's the wrong word. It's not friendship. But you have a solid relationship foundation, not just sexual, not just romantic⁠— relationship. It would be so sad to lose that. And if this goes on much longer without some measure of intervention, yeah, you're going to resent the fuck out of her. You already feel really badly about yourself. Eventually, that's just going to get pointed to her. Of course it will.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: And so, even though what I'm advising you to do is very risky, it's the least risky thing left available to you because at this point, if things continue to go the way they are, I mean, you know how it's going to end, right?

Guest: Right.

Jessica: What I'm recommending will take a lot of bravery, and it's worth it, unfortunately. Yeah. I'm sorry. It's also⁠—again, just to pull back into your birth chart, it's also you embodying your own transit. It's being assertive without being a bully and without diminishing yourself. It's you advocating for your needs and preferences and not doing it by means of controlling or over-asserting, because we're dealing with Neptune/Mars square. I said it was a square; it's actually an opposition. I said it wrong. Sorry. But this is your transit.

And so whatever she says or doesn't say, whatever she does or doesn't do, this is your transit, and it's therefore really important that you find a way, that you take the risk, to be assertive about your needs. And I keep on saying preferences because some of this is about your preference, and some of this is about your need. And they're both equally important and valid. And you guys are monogamous, right?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: And you're a monogamous person by nature?

Guest: Yes. I would say so.

Jessica: I'm glad to hear that, because I will say I am not a fan of couples who don't have sex opening it up to other people, because opening it up to other people is what you do⁠—it's like dessert. You've had a delicious meal. It was very healthy. Now snacks. But you need to get fed at home before you start opening things up.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: So I'm definitely not encouraging anything in that realm. So I think it would be ideal if the two of you were able to make a pact that you would be physically in contact with each other every single day. And again, it would have to have the agreement that it does not lead to sex. So, basically, this leads me to the sex part. And this is probably not going to make you very happy here, but I recommend that if she follows through with cultivating physical closeness and intimacy with you, that you take fornicating off the table three months where you say, "We're not going to talk about it. We're not going to try. Even if tension builds between us, oh well. Nothing is happening."

I encourage you to take it off the table 100 percent, and then in three months, have a date set where you check in about it again. And this is because I don't know that from where she's sitting she can go from -50 on the sexual scale to allowing someone to touch her and have it feel good, to sexual engagement. It feels way too threatening for her at this stage.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: I do think you need sex in your life in order to be happy, and it's healthy and normal and great. And I also think it's worth continuing to try with her, so it's okay to keep on not getting that need met for a period of time, as long as there's progress.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: So intimacy would be progress. Play would be progress. Jesus Christ, you need play. You need play. That's very serious. So, at a different time in a different conversation, after getting the same kind of consent from her about having this conversation about sex, you sit down and you ask her kind of the same questions, like, "Do you miss sex? Do you think about sex when you're alone?" Say her name again.

Guest: [redacted]

Jessica: Yeah. She's just super out of her body. You guys dance?

Guest: She used to dance when she was younger, but not anymore.

Jessica: Do you like dancing?

Guest: I love to dance.

Jessica: So I would throw it in the mix. Maybe the two of you take a ballroom dancing nerd class or something⁠—something that is a form of dancing where you're physically touching, and it's partner dancing, but it's also⁠—there's a structure to it. And that would be really cool for her because it would feel a little more safe. And also, if you were taking a class, it would be like once a week, and so you'd know that every week, that would be happening. And that would be really cool for you. So I want to throw that in the mix.

This is the part that looks a lot harder because I think you know the answer to her questions about sex more than you do about the intimacy. And about the sex, I don't think she's really thinking about it a lot. I don't think she's feeling it. And so this is where, after asking her those questions, you want to get to, "Do you want that to change? Are you satisfied with it as it is?" And this is the million-dollar question, which is not the question you'll start with, but this is the million-dollar question because if she is satisfied with it as it is, your next question needs to be, "Are you aware of how it makes me feel?" If she is not aware, either you've done a worse job describing your feelings that you told me you did, or she's lying. Right?

Guest: Right.

Jessica: And we all lie about heavy shit. So, again, no judgment towards her. But if she is aware and she just really doesn't want to have sex⁠—that's just not a part of what she wants⁠—the two of you have to have a very uncomfortable conversation. And I want to let you know that if her sex drive is completely gone, it's not on you. It's really not about you. And also, you have a right to want a sex life. You're really young to not have sex ever again. That's not a great goal. And when I look at her, it's not like she's ace. That's not what this is about at all. This is more of a trauma response right now.

So, if she is unwilling to work on this, then unfortunately that's your answer. And I know you don't want to hear that answer, and I hope you don't hear that answer. But I still advise you to ask the questions and believe her when she tells you whatever she tells you.

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: There is a really big difference between leaving somebody because they are sick and, four years into a dynamic, finding that you're not getting your needs met and having to make a tough call. I don't know what the work-around is if she is unwilling to work on this.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: I'm really sorry to say that. Hopefully, she will be willing to work on this. But I will say that if she's going to work on this, it's going to take a lot of time. It will be slow baby steps. And I think it's really important for you to understand and have empathy for the fact that she is taking care of herself by not being in her body. And so what you need from her is to stop doing that and to find a way to tolerate being present in her body⁠—which she doesn't know how to do; otherwise, she'd be doing it⁠—and then, from there, to meet you in your body, which is happy, healthy, going, and to feel spontaneous and present and all that stuff. She doesn't know how to do that anymore, not at this moment.

And I'm not looking at her whole birth chart or anything like that, so I don't know how much work that would take for her. But I do want to hold space for what you're asking for is perfectly healthy and fair, and also, part of what you're asking for is for her to overcome her shit in her relationship to herself in order to get to you. And that's the work. That's deep, heavy work. Again, therapy⁠—some form of therapy⁠—would be really helpful. And I actually don't think you need couples counseling on this at this time because this is about her relationship to her body. And if this is something she is willing to work on, I don't think she should work on it for you. I mean, certainly inspired by you⁠—she doesn't want to lose you⁠—but she needs to work on it for herself. This is much bigger than you. And I think if she was right in her body, then the feeling would be really different. Hopefully.

So, that all said, if you're three months into snuggle-fest 2022 and you're actually⁠—just whatever, watching TV/snuggle, stupid shit where you feel close and you're like, "Oh yeah, this is my partner"⁠—if that's happening and you have these conversations and she is willing to work on it, what I would recommend is making an agreement around how long⁠—so could be a month. It could be three months. It could be whatever. But make an agreement together about how long you're only going to make out. That's it. It's just making out. You're not going to push it. I know you like to push things a little bit. I see your chart. So that's part of how you roll, and that worked with her before.

So you're going to have to just have a sense of humor about it and be like, "Oh shit, not pushing it. I forgot." You have to just laugh about it. Don't get too heavy about it. But make an agreement that all you're going to do is make out for the first X amount of time, because again, she's got real control issues. And so she's wanting to stop things as a way to make herself feel safer. And that's not great for you, Sun/Jupiter conjunction. Stop things? Wait. Double Sagittarius? Just stop things? Wait. What? It is not your thing.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: So you are going to have to find a way, if this all works and she's willing to do the work, to sexualize that and to have fun with that. You're very flexible, so I think you could. Does that make sense to you?

Guest: Yes. Definitely.

Jessica: Cool. So if you can just say to her, "Listen. We're just going to make out. Even if I want it to go further, it's not going to go further. This is an agreement. You have my word," I think from there, the two of you can absolutely make this work. I do. Your relationship doesn't have a great outlook if you don't center your own needs a little bit more⁠—

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: ⁠—which is why I'm giving you such detailed advice about how to have conversations with her. The other thing is that she's not happy. She's not happy with this dynamic in herself. And so part of what you're doing is you're getting your own needs met, but you're also helping her out of⁠—she's put herself in a corner. And she's really unhappy in the corner, but it's like the only way she knows how to cope. And I think in your desire to be supportive to her, again, you've given her kind of too much space. You haven't intervened because the truth is you're like, "Yeah, I want to help you, but I also want to help me. And I feel like an asshole, so I'm not going to do anything."

Guest: Right.

Jessica: And that's not working either, right?

Guest: No.

Jessica: I do think the two of you can overcome this. I do think the two of you can return to sex. The big but is it will take her being willing to do the work with you. And I'm not positive that she will.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: And again, it's not about how she feels about you. It's about how she feels in her own skin. At every step of the way, I want to encourage you to create some sort of a mantra for yourself of, "All I'm doing is getting information."

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: You can make decisions based on that information afterwards, but in the short term, it's just about getting information because avoiding getting information⁠—it's like this is where you are, and it sucks. It sucks. It's not helping her either. Unfortunately, this dynamic has kind of enabled her to stay really stuck. So I know that's kind of a bummer. I'm sorry.

Guest: It's okay.

Jessica: Tell me, do you have any questions or anything that I didn't speak to or anything that you want to make sure I speak to?

Guest: I guess just the biggest issue is deciding if the romantic side of things can outweigh the intimate side of things. And it's just a tough situation because a lot of times, obviously, with how I'm talking right now, it's hard for me to even understand how I'm feeling. So to express to somebody else how I'm feeling when I don't even know sometimes can be difficult. So maybe some insight with that.

Jessica: Sure. Yeah. Absolutely. Your Moon is in the twelfth house. It's conjunct the Ascendant, which means you're a twelfth-house Moon, but the Ascendant's pulling your Moon into the first. So not knowing how you feel is kind of your thing. Having really strong, intense emotions that you're like, "But wait. Is this yea or nay?"⁠—it's very confusing for you. Welcome to the twelfth-house Moon.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: On top of it, you've got Neptune in the first house. So people misread your emotions all the damn time. They're like, "Oh, you hated this movie," and you're like, "Are you kidding? This was my favorite movie." Shit like this happens for you.

Guest: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: So I'm not surprised to hear you say that. So there's a couple pieces. Piece 1, if you're having a conversation with your partner or you're trying to figure something out and you don't know how you feel, then that's how you feel. You feel confused. So, instead of saying, "Oh fuck. What's wrong with me? I don't know how I feel," to be able to be like, "Okay. I'm confused." So then, from there, what I want to encourage you to do when you feel⁠—can you actually feel confused about how you feel about her right now? Do you emotionally feel it?

Guest: Oh. Yes. I feel very confused.

Jessica: Okay. Cool. How do you know you feel confused? Where are you feeling that?

Guest: I feel like I feel it in my chest, like my abdomen.

Jessica: Okay. Your chest and your abdomen or your whole torso?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. All right. What I want you to notice is that you're energetically pulled away from your torso. Does that make sense, what I'm saying?

Guest: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: So what I would recommend doing is see if you can breathe into your chest and torso, into the feelings. You're a little in your head, so try to not think about it, but just breathe into it, kind of like you would if you ever get a charley horse. You have to breathe into it because, if not, you'll tighten up.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. Does that feel a little bit better, or are you still in your head?

Guest: No. It just makes me feel sad.

Jessica: Okay. That is good. Sad is good because the confusion is the scab over your sad. Don't worry. Your sad is a scab over something else. But let's stay with the sad. How do you know you're sad?

Guest: Just based on how⁠—I have, like⁠—my eyes are watery.

Jessica: Do you feel it in your torso anymore? Did it shift away from there?

Guest: It kind of just went all over my body.

Jessica: Okay.

Guest: Like it consumed me.

Jessica: Yeah. Okay. So the confusion was really localized, and the sadness is like an omnipresent emotion. And with your sadness, there's also this energy I'm seeing of disempowerment, like a hopelessness or helplessness.

Guest: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Okay. I'm sorry. But this is why you stay confused, because you don't want to feel this. This is worse than confused; am I right?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. Cool. So what you can see is that your confusion is actually a really⁠—not very helpful, but a very developed survival mechanism so that you don't feel certain emotions. So, with your sadness, you're feeling it all over. My question for your sadness or the question I would encourage you to ask your sadness is, what does it need from you, if anything?

Guest: The only thing I can think is⁠—the only word that came up was freedom.

Jessica: Okay. So let's stay with that. I'm not shocked to hear you say that, because I'm looking at your birth chart, and your Mars square to the Ascendant is like, "How do I get away? How do I make this different?" So, again, we're back to why you would feel confused as your go-to emotion. You feel sad and grief, and it's so hard to stay with it that what your system wants is to get away from it, is to be free of it. Right?

Guest: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: So⁠—I see. This is really hard because now you're at the stage where your mind is feeling really fuzzy. Is that correct?

Guest: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: It's hard to concentrate a little bit?

Guest: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: So there's this⁠—the desire for freedom is really just like, "I don't want to feel bad." And so this is where your dynamic with your partner is like the perfect storm because she's disassociating, and it makes you feel terrible, so now you're disassociating. So everybody's left the room.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: And that's really difficult. So I'm going to give you very annoying news and advice. The annoying news is you are sad, like very, very sad. You're very sad, and you don't want to be sad, and you don't know how to not be sad. And you would like to do anything you can to not be sad, other than deal directly with the thing that's making you sad because it might make you sadder. That's the news. The advice is the next time you feel confused, follow the steps I've walked you through.

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: Ask yourself where in the body you're feeling the confusion, and then breathe into it like a charley horse. Have you had many charley horses in your life?

Guest: I've had a few.

Jessica: Okay. Because I'm like, why am I using this metaphor? I've not used it before. But okay. So you're going to breathe into it, and then you'll be able to access your sadness. And then put the timer on your phone, 90 seconds. 90 seconds, and just stay with the sad.

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: That's it. And when the alarm goes off, you can distract yourself. You can listen to music. You can play a video game. It doesn't matter what you do. But practice staying with the feelings. And if you do this over the course of time, after a few months, maybe make it the three minutes. Build up to be able to tolerate your emotions because if you were more in touch with these feelings of sadness and feeling so helpless, you would have done something more serious about the relationship a while ago because you're really unhappy. You're very, very sad. The way you've described it to me, even the way I can see it energetically before we tapped underneath the confusion, that's not where you're operating from. You're keeping your head above water.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: And I don't blame you. It's a good coping mechanism, but it's getting in the way of you taking care of yourself, and it's getting in the way of you being able to express to your partner how sad you are because I imagine the way it comes across is like, "I'm frustrated," not, "I'm sad." And she does not want you to be sad. And if you're frustrated, that's annoying. But if you're sad, that's something else.

If I pull back to the question you specifically asked about can you be okay with a romantic relationship that isn't intimate or sexual⁠—is that what you were basically asking me?

Guest: Right.

Jessica: No. No, you can't.

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: Some people can, absolutely. And I think that you can for a period of time. You are able to for a long time, actually. But it got worse instead of better, so the way it developed was it kept on going downhill and never went back up. It never really plateaued. It just kept on going down.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: You have tried to make this work is what I'm seeing. I don't think you've been quite as honest as you could be. And again, this is about your own limitations with yourself, as your confusion is a great⁠—the tears of a clown when no one's around kind of thing. You know what I mean? It's like your confusion is a self-protective mechanism that keeps you away from your emotional needs.

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: Classic twelfth-house Moon shit. Yeah. Sorry about that. And that said, no. Yeah. Uh-uh. You're really unhappy. It's not just about sex. You like being playful and goofy. If you can't be goofy with your partner, I don't know what you're doing. Are you guys goofy at all together anymore?

Guest: No, not really. She doesn't even like when I flirt with her.

Jessica: Wow. Yeah. That sucks. I'm sorry.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: The truth is sometimes in long-term relationships and marriages, there's this turning point that can occur where things become less sexual and less romantic. I don't get the sense that that's what's happened for her, but if that is what's happened for her, she needs to set you free.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: I don't think that's what's happened, but I do think it's important to hold space for, if that's changed, it's not because she wanted it to change⁠—because she's in love with you. And she tells you that, eh, that she loves you?

Guest: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Yeah. I believe her. I believe her. Do you believe her?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. I do believe her. This is like⁠—inevitably in relationships, we hit a wall in our partnership that is the wall that we have within ourselves. And both of you in different ways are doing that right now. But no. You cannot continue this way forever and be happy. And you knew that.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: You just want that to not be true.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: I'm sorry. It sucks. It super sucks, but it is as it is. I want to tell you one more thing. You are going through some Saturn transits, and one of them started in February of this year, and it'll be over in November of this year. And so I imagine that shit has gotten much worse this year, in 2022, in the relationship. Correct?

Guest: Yes. And we actually recently moved away from family as well, and I think that doesn't help.

Jessica: Made it worse. Yeah. I'm not going to say that was a mistake, but I'm going to say, yeah, you fast-tracked the problem. And astrologically, it makes sense that you did it, for sure. The Saturn square to your Pluto that's been happening February 2022 through November 2022⁠—it is hard, and it confronts you with your survival mechanisms. So I want to just acknowledge that as much as it would be easy to focus on what she is or isn't doing and what's wrong with her and what's not wrong with her, your chart is a little bit on fire right now, like America.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Sorry. Not like America, but similarly to⁠—as America. This means that how you engage, how you relate to your own emotions, how you advocate for your needs, how you are adaptable in the face of your partner's needs⁠—all of these very fucking serious, heavy things are yours. They're yours to deal with. And so, if you can kind of bring yourself back to that instead of, "She has health problems. I need to take care of her. She shuts down"⁠—it's very easy to focus on what a partner is or isn't doing. But right now, it's about learning about yourself and taking responsibility for yourself and having boundaries with yourself.

Guest: Right. Right.

Jessica: That's the move. And 2022⁠—I mean, if things go well and if things go poorly, it's going to be hard. Either one is going to be hard. So don't look for easy. There's no easy right now, not in a Saturn square to Pluto. Everyone goes through that transit twice every 30 years, and it sucks. It's so hard. It's like reality and survival mechanisms bumping up against each other. It's terrible.

Guest: Definitely.

Jessica: Yeah. So it's rough. Therefore, if things feel rough, that is not evidence that it's not working.

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: It's just fucking life right now.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: Now, is there anything else that you would want to ask me, or have we done what we've come here to do?

Guest: I think you've answered my questions, Jessica.

Jessica: That makes me happy. Also, I'm sorry.

Guest: I mean, it needs to be answered, though. You know? I needed that clarity so that I can take the next steps and progress, move forward.

Jessica: Yeah. I agree. And I really hope the two of you make it through, and if you don't, I hope the two of you can kind of do that as a team because I do think that your dynamic is not so far gone that that's not possible. If the worst happens, it can be done in a loving way.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: So that's kind of my hope for you because the two of you have something that would enable you to be in each other's life for a really long time in one form or another. Hopefully, it'll be in this form, but there's a lot to fight for here.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: My dear, we've done it. I want to thank you so much for joining me and for being so open with all this.

Guest: Thank you so much, Jessica. I really appreciate you and just taking your time to talk with me and help me out. So thank you.

Jessica: Thank you, and it's been a real pleasure.

Hello, my loves. Damn. There's just so much to talk about this week, per usual. Let me begin by acknowledging that we have had over 213 mass shootings in five months in the United States⁠. Mass shootings. We are living through such violent and explosive times, and of course, we know that this is not what happens in a peaceful society. This is not what happens outside of wartimes in a society. We have a serious problem with gun violence here in the United States, and it's deeply disturbing.

But we also have a serious problem with our men. The vast majority of people perpetrating gun violence are men. And within that demographic in terms of mass shooters, the majority of them are white men. This is really concerning, but it's also data. It's information that we have. And as a society, I think it's really important that we have caring, considerate, thoughtful conversation with ourselves, with our loved ones, with each other about what is going wrong with the men in our society. Where are we failing them? How can we create a society that is safer for all of us, which means how do we need to engage men and in particular white men? Because I think we do.

And of course, as a spiritual person, my take on this is all cruelty comes from pain. And so, if we can address the societal issue of pain, we have the opportunity to bring about healing. And I think that there's a couple things associated with this that are of course very astrological. One is that so much of the radicalization of men, and in particular young men, happens online. And here we are at the Saturn Return of the internet, the dawn of Web 3. Here we are, and we do not have protections for individuals online. It can be quite a dangerous place to be.

Anyone who has spent any time on any of the social media platforms knows that it is tailored to what those platforms or what those algorithms think is your preference, your nature, what will engage you the longest⁠—not even what you like. What will engage you the longest. And what happens on these platforms is that young men are being radicalized, and they're being radicalized in ways that deeply affect all of us. So there needs to be more of a conversation about that.

Connected to this, we are living in an anti-feminist society. We're living in a patriarchal society⁠—fails boys and men⁠—is they're not allowed to have emotions. They're not encouraged to do anything feminine. And they are rewarded for suppressing their emotions, being self-sufficient in all of these ways. Unfortunately, what happens when we don't have emotional intelligence or emotional resources, when we don't feel that it's safe or okay to feel sad or bad, then emotions get projected out and they get shoved down. And this can create a lot of twisted issues in a person's mind and heart.

And it is something that I don't have the answers for, of course, but it is something that I think we need to be thinking about and talking about.  And certainly, if you are a parent, I think this is a really important thing to be educated about because children spend a lot of time online, and it is risky business to not know where your children are going online and what kind of ideas are being fed to them, because a perfectly lovely child or adult can very easily get lost on an online rabbit hole of any nature. We as adults are absolutely susceptible to it. We've talked about that on Ghost of a Podcast in the context of QAnon stuff. But children and young people are way more susceptible. And so this is something that I think we need to be thinking about, talking about, and working on.

Connected to that but not the same thing, we gotta talk about the Pluto Return. Again, this nation was founded by some really violent and oppressive white men who ran the narrative that they were victims. They were fleeing one oppressive regime to oppress another group of people and put their flag on the land. And we know that these people talked about freedom for all, while giving women no rights, while enslaving people and perpetrating genocide. These men were very violent, and the systems they put in place⁠—it's what our Supreme Court keeps on coming back to, is we always want laws to refer back to those founding fathers and what they thought was right. They were not great guys, though.

And so here we have in the United States so many men, many of them young men, embodying in really grotesque ways the values and behavior⁠—in a modern way, of course⁠—of the founding fathers. But it is kind of consistent with the Pluto Return. What we want to remember is that the Pluto Return⁠—that any Pluto transit⁠—brings shit up so that we can heal it, so that we can repair it. And understanding that we are living in a time where technology is developing so much faster than we know how to keep up with as society⁠—certainly, then, the laws set to protect people are developing. The combination is real dangerous. So what do we do?

In regards to gun violence in the United States, I mean, I don't know. This is not my expertise, but I will say that all over my social media feeds on various platforms, I have been educated by a bunch of folks about a way to basically tell on the NRA. And in the show notes of this episode, I created a link to a form that you can fill out an email to the government. You can do this anonymously. And in it, I share exactly what to put in the form, which I actually got from somebody on TikTok named That Nick Powers Guy. So you can follow him or just get the information here on this Google doc that I have here.

Basically, it's reporting the NRA for donating millions of dollars to American senators even though they are a tax-exempt organization. Hopefully, if enough of us do this, it will motivate the government to have some sort of consequences to the NRA. I don't know. I don't know how much this will work. This is not my expertise. But I would rather spend less than five minutes doing something and trying than doing nothing. These are truly transformative times, and transformation is not good or bad. But it's also not chill, and it also doesn't resolve itself without our participation. So we need to be having these conversations.

Now, I'll say one more thing before we get into the details of this specific week. So much of the astrology of this summer suggests more violence. And this is not limited to the United States or the Pluto Return. This is separate and global. And what we need is so many things, but this is an astrology podcast. I'm talking about spiritual stuff. So I want to say what we need is to be able to cope. And to do that alone is a lot harder. So finding supportive places where you can talk about your feelings, where you can get inspiration for either things to do to make things different or better in society, for coping with heartache, for coping with fear, whatever it is⁠—this is an important thing to do because as much as each of us as individuals are unlikely to make a radical, thorough change for all people⁠—right? We're not going to change society, any of us as an individual. We can all make a difference. We can.

And if you are feeling overwhelmed with anxiety about the state of the world, find actions that you can do that even the tiniest, tiniest bit incrementally make things better. That's the move, my loves. That's the move. And vote in the damn primaries. Vote. The astrology for the midterms, the astrology for this period, looks really bad. Think of all the things you do to waste your time that are stupid and useless. Add voting to the mix if you're not a fan of voting or if you find it annoying. Come with crib notes if you need to. It doesn't matter, but just participate in the system we've got, even if it's bullshit. That's my hot take.

All that said, my nerds, let's get further astrological. We are looking at the week of June 5th through the 11th of 2022, and we got some shit to talk about. On the 6th, we have an exact Sun sextile to Chiron. This transit is pretty cool. I think it's pretty cool. What it does is it intensifies our ability to actively engage with healing. So, whenever we're dealing with Chiron, what we're dealing with is wounding. So, on a societal level, I think I've pretty well covered what we're talking about. But on a personal level, this could be childhood issues. This could be a million different things.

When we are dealing with Chiron, similar to whenever we're dealing with Pluto, even in the easy aspects, it doesn't usually feel chill. But it is an opportunity to get at things that are likely quite difficult or painful to deal with and to make some sort of headway. With the Sun sextile to Chiron, this is not going to be traumatic. This is not going to be bad. But what it will be is a possibility for engaging with parts of yourself or your beliefs about the world consciously so that you can locate yourself within those things and hopefully make adjustments that will help improve your ability to live in healthy and effective ways, happy ways.

So the Sun sextile to Chiron, like we're learning about sextiles in the past few weeks, the way that it could go sideways on a person is if you have things in place as coping mechanisms, as behaviors, as attitudes, that are really essentially unhealthy and a maladjusted trauma response, and you kind of double down or further invest them. If that happens, you will feel like shit. Things will not go well for you. Then you can be like, "Huh. Okay. This is an opportunity for me to look at what in my identity, what in my attitudes or my behavior, am I doing that maybe actually comes from trauma and it doesn't need to be this way? What can I shift within?" That's the move. It's not an easy move, but that's the move.

The Sun sextile to Chiron can make it difficult to feel a sense of ease because you're likely to be needing to choose between more of your survival instincts and what you know better around. And this is difficult to do if you're feeling activated or if things are rough in the world or in your life. So my advice, to the best of your ability, be a kind, firm, and empathetic parent to your inner child. Yeah. I'll also say, if other people act a mess, if other people act poorly, I want to remind you that this is a reflection on them and not on you. When people show you their ass, that's on them. It is not because of you. It's really important to remember.

Now, on the 10th, we have another exact transit that is like an "easy" transit. This is a Mercury trine to Pluto. This is a particularly grounding transit, especially because Mercury is in Taurus and Pluto is in Capricorn. So these are earth signs. Mercury is now direct. Huzzah. And so we're able to kind of figure things out, clarify our thinking. If relationship or work stuff got kind of crumpled up during the Retrograde, this is a transit that will really help us to smooth things out. This transit, Mercury trine to Pluto, is really lovely. There's not a lot of downsides to it. If you want to socialize or connect with other people, if you want to learn something new, explore possibilities, get through your damn inbox or complete a piece of writing, this transit's great for all that stuff, all of it.

In particular, this transit is really good for learning. So, if you're willing to explore and learn without being too fixated on getting to answers or proving yourself to others or, I guess, to yourself, then this transit is just lovely, just so lovely. The only downside that I want to report to you isn't actually from the Mercury trine to Pluto. It's from the Venus conjunction to Uranus that is overlapping with this transit. So Venus conjunct Uranus is exact on the 11th, and Venus conjunction to Uranus is honestly⁠—it's pretty destabilizing. It's pretty destabilizing.

This is a transit that I personally really enjoy, but a lot of people don't. So let me just start off with what's wonderful about it and what I really enjoy about it. It's that it brings excitement up. It inspires unpredictable, unplanned-for things socially, creatively, interpersonally. It's really, really nice for shaking things up and feeling enlivened, which⁠—who doesn't need that, I ask of you? The downside of this transit is that Venus wants security and stability. It tends to prefer predictability, especially in the zodiac sign of Taurus. And Uranus, of course, wants freedom and unpredictability. And so this is a tense aspect. It's a tense transit.

You may receive or blurt out news that surprises someone or that surprises you, that takes things in a direction you were not planning for and maybe don't want. That's absolutely possible. This transit's disruptive. And if you love the way things are going in your life and a disruption sounds like a terrible thing, then that sucks. If things are not going great, the disruptions may be exactly what you need to shake things up and change your perspective. The thing that's cool about Uranus is that even though it's an upsetting planet and it's a disruptive planet, it kind of does these things not to torture us but so that we can perceive things from new angles, that we can have broadened and more inclusive perspectives.

And so this transit may shed some light on some Venusian theme like your relationships, your finances, your value systems, and your body image. So this could hit any number of very important issues⁠—thank you, Venus in Taurus. And the key is to be present and considerate of your future instead of attached in the moment, in particular attached to the past. That won't go well. But there's a lot of energy to work with here, and in relationship to the Mercury trine to Pluto, it is fan-freaking-tastic because the potential for us to understand things from a new perspective⁠—Mercury trine Pluto⁠—and to have that paired up with our value systems expanding to be more inclusive, more progressive⁠—Venus conjunct Uranus⁠—I mean, it's damn beautiful, or at least it can be.

So the key is to make use of these transits by doing your best. And one way to do that is to simply put yourself out there socially, connect with people, be open. If you're not going to do that⁠—I don't know⁠—read something from an author you've never read before. Seek out information or inspiration from sources you haven't tapped before. If you've been trying to make sure that you receive your news, your entertainment, your inspiration, creatively in the world⁠—whatever it is⁠—from a diverse set of voices, this week is a great one for doing that, for expanding your worldview by expanding your connections and your resources. So there's a lot to work with here.

Now, we are still in the Mercury shadow period through this week⁠—actually, also through next week. So you still may be having some fumbles and bumbles. Such is life. Work with them as gracefully as you can because, hey, you're an astrology nerd. You know shit happens. You don't have to take it so personally. You might have to clean up some messes. It's not the end of the world. We are still going through the Saturn/Uranus square. It is not super active right now, but you know it's still happening. So there's still a lot of tension in our lives and in the world around us around the structures we have set up. Are they actually helping us to be more free, or are they holding us back?

These themes are active throughout all of 2022. So it might just feel like normal or like the new normal because this transit is in its second year, with the backdrop of COVID being in its third year. And the way things are going, we're going to be talking about this stupid shit this time next year even without the Saturn/Uranus square. So the more awareness and acceptance that you have of what is in the moment, the better empowered you are to find the resources and support and care that you need within yourself or outside of yourself, to work with the energies, to make the best of it, because here we are. And what are you going to do about it?

Okay. Quick run-through of the transits. Very simple. On the 6th, we have an exact sextile between the Sun and Chiron. On the 10th, we have an exact trine between Mercury and Pluto. And then, on the 11th, Venus is conjunct to Uranus.

As always, if you're not already subscribed to Astrology For Days, go ahead and just visit astrologyfordays.com or my very gorgeous website at lovelanyadoo.com. And yeah. You can get that there and track the transits on your own. While you're at it, if you haven't already joined me over on Patreon, come on down. The water's just fine. We're getting pretty damn spiritual over there. It is pretty lovely. And it's early in the month, and so it's a great time to join at the kittens level so you can get the bonus episode of Ghost of a Podcast where it's just an hour-long horoscope. And it ends with Sun sign horoscopes, which I only do on my weekly on my website, but I do it in the podcast for the month ahead.

And of course, if you haven't already subscribed to Ghost of a Podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts, hit the Subscribe button. I really appreciate it. And wherever you are, however it's going, be kind to yourself and others because we're all in this shit show together, my loves. And the right thing is the right thing whether it's easy or not, whether it's a big deal or not, and whether anyone is paying attention to what you're doing or not.