Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

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Jessica: Welcome to the podcast.

Guest: Thank you.

Jessica: Thank you for joining me so early in the morning in Australia.

Guest: It's a pleasure.

Jessica: Tell me what you want to talk about today.

Guest: So I actually wrote my question to you over that last Scorpio Eclipse we just had, that Full Moon, because it was coming up big time. And it's a pattern that has come up for me over the years where usually I'm on a project, usually out in the middle of nowhere, so I have to marinate in the triggering dynamic. I can't just kind of flip it off. And so there's a group dynamic at play, and then there's a woman in the group who is a bit older than me, like sometimes just a little bit older than me, sometimes that generational gap older than me, who⁠—yeah, just⁠—it feels like just has it in for me, and there's just sort of this strange tension where I feel⁠— just for being me sometimes without even opening my mouth.

There's this sort of tension, and I feel like they need to, yeah, try and kind of use weird passive aggressive techniques to sort of make me small, or women more around my age or generation, I suppose. You trigger people all the time, but that doesn't bother me so much. But when it's someone a bit older than me, a woman where it's sort of⁠—I guess has this mom connotation⁠—it's like, "Ouch." It just gets me. I can sort of [indiscernible 00:02:51] more when it's my age. So that came up a big time over that Moon, and I just wanted to unpack it a bit.

Jessica: I am here for it. So I'm going to ask you a couple of contextualizing questions. The first one is you mentioned that you're off on project. What do you do?

Guest: I'm an artist, and I work as a curator and coordinate different community arts projects.

Jessica: So you're working in community but also with institutions at the same time.

Guest: Yeah. Yeah, and more and more kind of doing my own thing. But yeah, a lot of it is very remote work and, yeah, bringing it back into metropolis kind of contexts and institutions.

Jessica: When you say remote, do you mean distance, like on Zoom, or do you mean out in the bush?

Guest: Yeah, out in the bush.

Jessica: Okay. Out in the bush. Okay. Cool. Cool. And the other question I have is what's your relationship with your mom?

Guest: Well, she's also an Aries, bless her. Yeah. I find it hard to be around her for extended periods of time. Let's just put it that way.

Jessica: That is very diplomatic of you.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: I can see your chart, so that is diplomatic. So okay.

Guest: I could say a lot there, I guess.

Jessica: We're going to just dive right in. So, just for people listening, you were born April 10th, 1990, 5:44 a.m. in Perth, Australia⁠—Western Australia. Okay. There's so much to talk about here. You are a double Aries, so that means your Rising and your Sun are both Aries. You were born on a Full Moon; you're a Full Moon baby. So you have a Libra Moon, and it's pretty tightly opposite your Sun. And your Full Moon opposition forms a T-square to both Neptune and Saturn in Capricorn at the top of your chart.

So there's just tons and tons and tons to say there. But one place to just kind of start is this configuration indicates that your relationship with your mom was stressful and inconsistent and not satisfying. It didn't give you the kind of nurturance and validation that you needed as a child. Is that correct? Yeah. The thing that's really important⁠—because we're not going to focus on your mom, but when you say it doesn't really rattle you when young women are annoyed or don't resonate with you or get competitive or whatever, but it does rattle you when older women do, this is where I'm instantly like, okay, so we're tapping into parental stuff. Right?

Guest: For sure.

Jessica: Is your mom very passive aggressive herself?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. This is the thing. You've got this T-square, which I'll unpack with you in a moment. But then you've also got a Pluto/Mars square in your birth chart. And so it looks like you were raised with a lot of passive aggression and a lot of aggressive aggression⁠—both. And do they both come from your mom?

Guest: Both of those traits?

Jessica: Mm-hmm.

Guest: It's so tricky to talk about because it's, on the surface, perfect family. And me talking about it⁠—you're not allowed to. You have to keep everything surface and happy, which is bullshit and unproductive. But yeah. There's a lot of undercurrent tension there coming mainly from my mother's direction. Yes.

Jessica: Do you know anything about her childhood?

Guest: Yeah. Big family, a lot of chaos. No one really saw or heard or was witnessed. Everyone was loved and fed, but it was the '70s. It was pretty hectic, I think.

Jessica: A big part of your mother's behavior comes out of trauma in her early developmental experiences, and this all shows up in your birth chart. Her early developmental experiences taught her that being aggressive and being assertive could lead to danger and chaos. And so she puts all her effort into holding it together and making everything okay. And of course, things aren't okay all the time. And so, when she pops off, she pops off. And she does it in a way where you're hearing resentments or frustrations from the last 30 years of her life. This is kind of a thing that it looks like happens.

And so I don't know if she is outwardly aggressive or if it's just that she's really intense, and that intensity leads to withholding because Saturn is part of this T-square. But first of all, does that all make sense?

Guest: Yeah. Very much on the withholding. Yeah.

Jessica: It's a form of aggression, I would say. And it is in particular something that for you landed as abandonment. And so, when we then look at this pattern that's playing out in your adult life with older women who you unconsciously or consciously identify as mother figures who either are triggered by you or are competitive with you⁠—whatever it is⁠—it reiterates this feeling of being, first of all, out of control, like there's nothing you can do, because it's not completely about you, but it's also this form of abandonment that is really hurtful to you. Does that make sense?

Guest: Yeah. It just baffles me because I'm like, "Oh my God. When I'm your age, I want to support and love younger women." And so I just find it really weird and hurtful because it's sort of sad.

Jessica: It is sad, and I hope that that's true, but I'll also say it's easy to imagine when the world is your oyster and you're a young woman and you have very little experience in your field, but the world is giving you the same opportunities as women who have 30 more years' experience as you, it's easy to assume that you'll be gracious and easygoing about that. But a lot of people⁠—especially women, who are minimized in every industry⁠—they don't know how to process their feelings, and they do get defensive.

And so I'm not defending it, but it is about contextualizing it because when we're interacting with any person, but especially an older person who's had more time to have more shit happen in their lives, we are dealing with their whole lived experience and not just what's happening in the moment. And then, if we are able to, instead of imagining what it's like to be in their position⁠—because you can't. You can't imagine what it's like to be a 50-year-old or a 70-year-old or whatever. I mean, you can imagine, but you can't know, because each of us lands at each age differently, but also, they're going through all manner of things that you may not be considering.

And I'm sharing this with you not to make okay what they do but because it feels so personal. It feels so personal to you that you're likely to be kind of jumping into the dynamic and reacting really strongly, really quickly, to what you're perceiving instead of slowing down and being like, "Oh. Is this person threatened because I am young and I'm bringing in new ideas, and they don't want to be edged out?" It might have nothing to do with the things you're thinking about. It might have nothing to do with you, and it might. I don't know.

But I think that the thing about your Full Moon in Libra⁠—and you've got the Moon in the seventh house, so it's like a really strong Full Moon in Libra⁠—is that you're so sensitive to interpersonal dynamics, you care so deeply about getting on with people and getting on with people well, that that paired with your double Aries nature is you can kind of jump to assessments really quickly that are really emotionally driven instead of based on all the data that you could develop. Does that make sense, what I'm saying?

Guest: Yeah, it does. Yeah.

Jessica: And it's really annoying because you're a damn double Aries. You've got Jupiter opposite your Midheaven. You've got Uranus conjunct your Midheaven. You've got Mars in Aquarius in the eleventh house. All of these things mean in different ways you have good instincts. You can rely on your instincts frequently, and you like to be able to move quickly through things, and that includes your emotions. And when you're dealing with these people, my guess is they're playing the role of Saturn or Neptune, which is to say they're utterly confusing⁠—Neptune⁠—or they are behaving in ways that are demoralizing to you, or they're being rigid and are not leaving room for interplay with you. Does that make sense in your experience?

Guest: Yep. Absolutely.

Jessica: First, I'm sorry. But secondly⁠—here's the fascinating part, or at least I think it's fascinating⁠—is I am not looking at any of these women; I am looking at your chart. And so it tells us that what you're experiencing is what is called the projected form of the birth chart. You're experiencing your own nature but through other people. And so this stellium that you have⁠—you've got your Midheaven, Uranus, Neptune, and Saturn all in Capricorn in the tenth house. And this stellium of Capricorn stuff is just like⁠—it's kind of all over the place for you because on the one hand, you've got Saturn in Capricorn in the tenth house. That is so fucking Capricorn. You've got three planets and your Midheaven in this sign. This is so Capricorn. 

But the rest of your chart is⁠—again, it's like you're an artist. You're spontaneous. You're a feeler. And so, when you go into professional dynamics or you're dealing with older people⁠—both tenth-house things⁠—you start to engage with your Capricorn. And the Uranus conjunction to your Midheaven that's opposite Jupiter⁠—and tell me if I'm giving you too much astro babble, but that dynamic in your chart is like, "Okay. I just want to move through this quickly. I just want to trust my instincts and I want to push through this," because that's where you're most comfortable. But that Neptune and Saturn, focal planets to your T-square, kind of slow everything down and require you to process through what your intentions are, what you need to be flexible on, where you need boundaries.

So this brings us to the real fucking annoying crux, which is this is really about boundaries with people that you perceive to be maternal or having authority over you. So, before I keep going, does that make sense?

Guest: Sure.

Jessica: And do you have any questions about it so far?

Guest: Probably. Just⁠—yeah, digesting as you⁠—

Jessica: No problem.

Guest: ⁠—cover the groundwork. Yeah.

Jessica: Let me know if you do, and interrupt me as we go if that feels helpful. Okay?

Guest: Sure.

Jessica: Because I am aware, like I mentioned, I'm a middle-aged woman. I mean, I'm not a mother figure, I don't feel, for anyone⁠—but maybe. Maybe. And I've got hella Capricorn in my chart. So I'm aware as I give you this reading that I am actually a perfect person to trigger you, ironically. Not saying that you're triggered by me, but astrologically, I would fit into this. So I want to just be really mindful and aware that if you end up feeling like, "Oh, it's coming up for me right now," don't be shy to name it because this is a really great opportunity.

Guest: Yeah. I also just want to say I have so many beautiful women⁠—I love women, and I have so many women friends of all ages. There's that as well. It's just these⁠—yeah, when the right kind of situations come about, when it's just the particular kind of person that triggers, and I can't just get out of there quickly, then it's like⁠—yeah, ouchie.

Jessica: And when you say you can't get out of there quickly, you mean it's a situation that persists and that you're not able to just be like, "Okay. This isn't working. I'm leaving"?

Guest: When we're camping in a remote location for like a week.

Jessica: Sounds like hell.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: That sounds awful. It sounds so scary and terrible not getting along well with somebody you're in camping situations with. That sounds awful.

Guest: Well, yeah. I mean⁠—yeah. Even when there are so many other positive aspects in the situation⁠—and yeah, there's just that one little thing that just gets me.

Jessica: Okay. So let's stay with this, okay? Because you say it's one little thing, but it looks in your birth chart like one massive thing that encompasses many things. So there's this way that I wonder if when this comes up, you try to make yourself smaller. Is that what you do?

Guest: I get this so much. I get so angry that I don't feel respected, but I internalize that because I'm in a group situation. One-on-one I could deal with it, but we're in these⁠—we all have to kind of be an organism in these situations that I'm triggered in because we're literally in these really remote locations or situations where we just have to get something done. So it just feels like⁠—yeah, it's just really tricky, and I'm not quite sure how to navigate it. Yeah. I can see similar tensions in sort of a micro way coming up around the dining table when my whole family is together as well. I can see the relationship there between those energies.

Jessica: Good. I'm glad that you're saying that, because it's like what you're really describing is when you're in family situations where you're a kid and you can't leave, and it's like a perfect trigger.

Guest: Yeah. And I don't have the autonomy. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Let's try this. Let's try this. There's a particular situation that recently happened, eh?

Guest: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Okay. Do you mind sharing that with me, and then I can psychic it and we can work it out from there? Does that sound okay?

Guest: Sure.

Jessica: Yeah?

Guest: It was a group of 20 people on this particular project, which was just over the Full Moon. And there was actually two women within that dynamic, and I sort of connected with both of them. And then, yeah, one just started⁠—because I was the youngest person in the group⁠—just started talking to me like I was in year nine. She wasn't talking to anyone else in the group like that. And I got so mad, but I didn't know how to address it because we were in this group⁠—like furious.

And then there was another old⁠—much⁠—this one, the woman who was talking to me like I was in school even though I'm very much not, was in her 40s, like later 40s. And then an older woman who had a lot of pain⁠—I could feel; I could see that. But she was just very brisk and snappy and shutty-downy. And it was just like I can see it was coming from her⁠—whatever was going on, old stuff. But yeah. I guess it was just the two energies together just really brought up⁠—yeah.

Jessica: Was the older woman snapping at everyone or kind of focusing on you?

Guest: I later saw that she triggered one of the other younger people there, too. But she got me pretty good in front of everyone.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. It was like that.

Guest: Pretty publicly disgraceful. Yeah.

Jessica: That's awful. I'm so sorry. So I'm going to have you say⁠—and we're going to bleep out all of this. Could you say your full name out loud, and then say the 40-something-year-old woman's name?

Guest: Sure. My name is [redacted], and then the 40-something-year-old woman's name, [redacted].

Jessica: Okay. Hold on. She's a white woman with kind of lighter brown hair, straight hair?

Guest: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Yeah. Okay. I'm seeing her right, then. Okay. Had you met her before?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: And was she okay with you before?

Guest: Yeah. We were good. That's what I was confused [crosstalk]⁠—

Jessica: She's threatened by you. She's insecure around you, especially in that environment. Are you kind of a Sporty Spice?

Guest: Me?

Jessica: Yeah. Are you good at camping, and are you comfortable in that environment?

Guest: I love being out in the country. My favorite.

Jessica: Yeah. Do you know if she was maybe a little less comfortable out in the country?

Guest: She was a little bit isolated from the group. I was really making an effort to make sure she was⁠—I connected with her, so I was just kind of baffled that she [crosstalk].

Jessica: So what you're not saying and I can see psychically, and kind of hearing what you're not saying, is you were trying to take care of her, and she rejected your care. You were trying to make her feel good.

Guest: Yeah. I was. I mean, I guess so. I guess that's just what I was doing on some level.

Jessica: Does it not seem like you were?

Guest: Well, I guess I was. Yeah. I was trying to make her feel comfortable, yeah, because she was a little bit more isolated.

Jessica: She was uncomfortable, and she was isolated. And she was isolated because she wasn't in a situation that she felt strong in. There's a couple things that I'm seeing. One is she just felt threatened by you, not because you did something but because you were really comfortable at something she was really uncomfortable with. It looks like the way that you were being with her was kind of careful and gentle. Does that seem right to you?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. And she took that as⁠—because she was defensive. I'm not saying that this is a fault of yours, but she was already in a defensive state, and I think she took your care, ironically, as kind of talking down to her. And I say ironically because you felt like she was then⁠—she was talking down to you. So this is like this chicken/egg problem, and I think this is kind of a pattern that I imagine⁠—I'm seeing this in this one situation; I think it's kind of a pattern because what you were doing was you were like, "Oh. Okay. I can show up. That's not a problem. I can show up. I'm a double Aries." And you did, but I don't know that she was willing or able to be seen in her vulnerability. And you were seeing her in her vulnerability.

And so she acted like a jerk. It looks like she acted like a jerk, and it's not your fault. She acted like a jerk because she acts like a jerk when she gets like this. But this isn't a reading about this one woman; this is a reading about this pattern in your life, right? And I think part of what happens for you⁠—and we're going to look at the second woman in a moment to see, okay, is this pattern a pattern, or am I just seeing this in the one situation? We're going to see. But part of what I think happens for you is I imagine that you're quite nurturing with your friends, people you get on well with. You're someone who takes care of people. You notice people, and you kind of show up for them. Is that correct?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: That's one of your great qualities, and it's what people like about you. But in these situations where it goes sideways for you, what happens is you seek to help someone who doesn't want help, and then they feel looked down upon, condescended to, whatever, and they get defensive, and then they act out. And then you're very hurt because you're like, "I was literally just showing up and being kind to you, and now you're being a dick."

This is where I want to empower you with actual things that you can use so that it either doesn't happen as much or when it happens⁠—because it's going to happen sometimes⁠—that it doesn't hurt your feelings as much, because for instance, with this woman, if there's anything that you maybe could have done differently⁠—I wonder if you asked her, "Hey, do you want to interact?" or, "Hey, do you want help?" or, "Would you like to be around"⁠—or did you just kind of assume she wanted help and wanted to be around people?

Guest: I remember asking her if she wanted to come and sit with me while we were learning this particular thing, and she said, "I'd love to." And she came and sat with me, and then she proceeded to be a bit funny.

Jessica: Was she kind of a jerk at that point, or did she become a jerk a little bit later?

Guest: Kind of shortly after that, as we were learning the technique. Yeah.

Jessica: And were you learning it kind of quickly?

Guest: We were at the exact same level of learning, both of us. It was humbling for both of us.

Jessica: Interesting.

Guest: And that's when she became…

Jessica: Snappy?

Guest: Yeah, and just rude. And anyway, yeah, these just seem like little insignificant things, but yeah, it really brought up this tender wound thing in me that definitely felt preverbal.

Jessica: So I agree that these specific women and these specific situations are not things you're going to remember in five months, let alone five years. But the pattern is really a big deal. The one thing that I saw from the start is that she was feeling threatened. And so, whether it was threatened by you⁠—and maybe you feel like, "Oh, we were both struggling through this thing; we were learning." She might not have felt that way. She might have felt like you were not struggling. She might have felt just like because she was struggling, her struggle was more important and worse than your struggle. I don't know if she's a jerk across the board or if she was just being a jerk in this moment, and it doesn't⁠—

Guest: She's not a jerk, really.

Jessica: She's not?

Guest: I liked her, but then she behaved like a jerk. Yeah.

Jessica: Like a jerk. Yeah. It came out of insecurity is what it looks like. And honestly, most of the shitty things that most people do most of the time come out of insecurity or some sort of feeling bad about yourself. But there's this thing that I'm seeing that I just don't know if it's going to resonate with you or not, but it just keeps on coming up and coming up, which is this very classic Aries problem of reading the room when people feel vulnerable or insecure or poorly about themselves. I think, like you've kind of named, in one-on-one situations, you're very good at reading that out and interacting with that. And I think in other situations⁠—and maybe sometimes one-on one⁠—you really want people to feel better, so you kind of can get yourself involved when people are not feeling right with themselves.

And so this is one⁠—it feels like a thread of a pattern. It doesn't feel like the whole pattern. But one thing to ask yourself is, "Is this actually very helpful for me as a person?" Because if you're trying to build close relationships, the answer is yes, it is helpful. You see somebody kind of struggling, somebody isolated; you reach out to them. That's a great thing to do. And if what you're trying to do is learn something and really focus on that, then sometimes your instinct to get involved is not something you can completely focus on or follow through on. And again, this is not specific to this one situation, but it does look like it's part of this pattern. Your desire to connect and have it be really juicy and close-feeling is a healthy and good desire, but it's not always appropriate for the situations that this pattern comes up in. Does that make sense?

Guest: Sure.

Jessica: So let me just pull you back in here because I can feel that⁠—I don't if it's not landing, or I don't know if it's just not quite⁠—it almost feels like you don't want to talk about this anymore. So will you tap in and let me know what's going on for you?

Guest: I guess I feel like the little incidences that have triggered me just seems so silly. And I know from a mile away that people are threatened, and I just⁠—the combination of me coming with good intentions and love and compassion, actually, and that being so misconstrued⁠—yes. I know. I feel a little bit like talking about the ins and outs of the trigger point feels, I guess, a little bit embarrassed because it feels a bit petty even though the deeper trigger isn't. It's very real. I think it touches something of just that child who's just being itself. It's just breathing. It's just being in its nature. Yeah. When a child is just being itself and that's a gift for everyone, and when that's met with such unfriendly negative behavior, it gets that little child really riled up.

Jessica: So do you want to be a mom one day?

Guest: Yes. One day, yes.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. I assumed from what you're saying, because it's interesting because as a woman who's 47 years old⁠—47 and a half, not to brag⁠—I never think about nurturing people's children, especially not adults. I mean, children, I think about nurturing. But I never think, "Oh, I'm engaging with somebody's child," unless I'm counseling them. There's a couple things you're naming, and one of them is that⁠—is again, it's this thing where you're kind of projecting your frame of reference and the way that you experience the world.

I mean, what you just described of the kind of naivety and earnestness of the inner child, again, is so Aries. You're a double Aries, and this is the thing. I'm Sun, Moon, and Rising in Cap. You're Sun and Rising in Aries. And when we have so many planets, especially of our big three, in the same sign, things just seem really obvious to us. Our perspective seems like that would be everyone's perspective. But that's not the case for everyone. And so what you're saying is perfectly real and totally right, but it's not real and right for everyone.

And I think a lot of women who no longer look like they're in their 20s⁠—so let's just frame it that way. It's not about being in your 20s or not being in your 20s. But when you stop looking like a young woman, quote unquote, people tend to project grandma/auntie/mother onto you. And some people really like that, and some people really chafe at that. So I want to just put that in the mix of all of this because I think that is a thing for you to be aware of, not so that you change your behavior⁠—because I don't actually think you're doing something wrong. It's just about having that kind of broadened perspective so when people act in a particular way, you might be like, "Okay. This is how it feels to me because this is my worldview. And I don't know this person's worldview. I don't know where she's coming from, and I don't know what she's dealt with to get to this age." Just think of all the shit you've been through to get to 32. And by the time you hit 50, that's almost twice as much shit. So it's like⁠—

Guest: So just that thing about I shrink in the face of those dynamics⁠—but I shouldn't need to shrink just because someone has a different world reference view than mine.

Jessica: Yes. Agreed. You don't need to shrink. And I don't even think that all of these situations require you to shrink. I think it's your trigger to shrink. And your trigger to shrink is for two reasons. One is because you get pissed. You have a Mars square to Pluto, and so anger can come up really strong. Also, you're a double fucking Aries. So anger can come up really strong. But combo platter of Moon in Libra, Venus in Pisces⁠—which we haven't talked about⁠—and having Neptune as the focal planet of your T-square, a.k.a. being in a household where that was not encouraged to do, to have strong emotions and strong reactions⁠—it's not your style to be like, "Hey, I was being really kind to you. Why are you coming at me with aggression?" or, "Did I do something to offend you? What's going on right here?" which would be a perfectly appropriate thing to do, and actually in some ways in your personality to do it.

But also, you have Mercury in Taurus. All of these things are nonconfrontational. When somebody acts a fool around you, instead of you being like, "Huh. What's up? Are you being a fool? Or did I do something?"⁠—instead of just naming it with them, you do shrink. But I agree with you; you don't have to. I mean, sometimes you do, because life. But I think that the pattern that we're getting at is about how you feel how you feel both about people but also how you feel you're allowed to take up space. And with your peers, with younger people, it sounds like it just doesn't trigger you as much.

And that's more about what power you attribute to older people than it is about who these individuals are. So would you ever, in a situation like you were with this woman where you're being totally nice, you're in a group situation, you're stuck somewhere with her, and she turns around and is kind of an ass to you in that moment, even though that's not who she typically is⁠— would you ever, honestly speaking, be able to say, "Oh. That kind of hurt my feelings. Did I do something to upset you?

Guest: Yeah, I could, actually. Yeah. But I often just need a bit of space to process, "Was that not okay?" And I do think if we had a moment one-on-one later in the day, I'd just say, "Hey, that really triggered me when you said that thing and that thing." But it didn't come up, and then it was just too far gone. So I just let it slide. You have to sort of get it closer to the [crosstalk⁠]—

Jessica: Agreed. Agreed. It's not like you're trying to process with your partner. It's a colleague. It's somebody you're working with. It's different. I would encourage you⁠—so I'm just going to give you this little thing you can put in your pipe and smoke it later kind of thing, of coming up with one to three quick little one-liners that you can say when you feel an ouch. And one of them could be to the effect of, "Oh. Did I offend you?" You don't have to know that they did something shitty. And you don't have to tell them that you're triggered, because saying that you're triggered is a very intimate thing to say because what you're really saying is, "You have triggered something that exists inside of me," not, "You've done something wrong"⁠—that "Something inside of me is aching, and you pressed on it." That's what saying that you're triggered is saying.

And I don't think you need to give somebody who's being unkind to you, or even somebody who's triggering you in that moment, that much of your truth and your intimacy. You get to protect yourself more because even saying you're triggered could be a way of making yourself small, in effect, whereas saying, "Ouch. Did I upset you just now? Because that felt sharp to me," is a way of kind of putting it back on them and asking a question instead of sharing too much about how it landed for you. And if she says, "What you mean?" then you're like, "Okay. She is being a dick. Cool. Good information have." Or if she's like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I just snapped. I'm having a hard time with this," great. Good information for you to have.

And it's not just about having information. It's about interrupting that cycle where you kind of pull back, shut down, abandon yourself, or make yourself small. And I think it's kind of like a combo platter of all of those things. I even saw it when we were talking about in the camping scenario. I want to say at a campfire, but you didn't say you were at a campfire. But I'm assuming that's where you were. So, when you were in that situation⁠—we were talking about it; I could feel you kind of pulling back energetically. And in that way, I think that's part of what your pattern is, is when you start to feel something that you've determined it's not safe or appropriate to process, there's a way that you kind of pull back and into yourself so that you can figure it out later.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. And that process⁠—it's really interesting because I noticed⁠—I could feel it because I'm psychic, but it wasn't 100 percent because I'm psychic. You also changed. Your body language changed. And so, if I was feeling defensive or insecure or if I thought you were never insecure at all and that you're always super open⁠—which a lot of people, I'm sure, feel about you because, again, double Aries⁠—I would take that to mean maybe that you didn't like what I was saying or that you didn't like me. And then, if that happened and I was already feeling defensive or insecure, then I would put up my wall a little higher.

And so this is where a very small practice of naming things⁠—not even⁠—asking a question, yes, but it's really about naming things. Like, "Ow. Was that what I thought it was?" could be very helpful for you because it would interrupt your own pattern of pulling yourself out of a situation, which I think kind of adds to the dynamic.

Guest: Often, the behavior that triggers me is either cutting me off or invalidating something that I've said. It's always something to do with stamping me out or downplaying me. So me coming back with, "That wasn't so cool," or whatever, kind of counteracts, I guess, the desired effect.

Jessica: I think that's important. And I'll add to that saying⁠—what was it that you just said?

Guest: I think I said, "That wasn't cool."

Jessica: That wasn't cool. That's right. That's what you said. So, that, I actually would encourage you to avoid, and let me tell you why: because when you tell people what it was, you have stopped the conversation. That's a defensive approach. And when you tell people what happened, again, you've stopped the conversation. And so that's more a function of feeling like you have to defend yourself than it is a function of you being able to say, "That hurt my feelings. Did I do something to upset you?" or, "That felt sharp to me. Is something going on?"

Anyway, what I'm recommending that you do is give them one "ouch," basically. There's a lot of ways of saying the word "ouch," but I would encourage you to just be like, "Ouch." What happens when we identify "ouch"⁠—I know I'm making this sound really simple, but bear with me. When we basically identify "Ouch. That hurt," people tend to be less defensive. When we say, "That really triggered me," or, "I feel really upset because you did this thing," now I'm defensive again. So just being like, "This is my experience. Ouch," or, "I thought we were getting along. Did I upset you just now?"⁠—throwing it back on them and asking them to explain why they behaved a particular way, it's more effective.

So it's not shrinking yourself, but it's also not asserting your version of what happened. And I think that's really important⁠—

Guest: Yeah. Making it rhetorical.

Jessica: ⁠—yeah, because what I'm seeing as part of the pattern⁠—and I think sometimes you're just dealing with people who are having a shit day or are just jerks, right? Sometimes they're jerks. Everyone's a jerk sometimes, to be fair. But I think a part of the pattern for you is people get insecure or they're having a rough day or a rough moment, and it gets kind of thrown at you, in part because you're engaging with it because you're trying to help in some way, and sometimes maybe you're engaging with it because you have no choice because you're in a fucking situation with a human person.

But when I look at this, I'm seeing that this is⁠—again, as I said at the beginning, this is really about boundaries. And I don't just mean boundaries with these women. I mean boundaries with yourself to say, "First of all, this woman does not have any actual authority over my actual life. This woman doesn't have any actual authority over my self-esteem. I am maybe giving her that authority in this situation for very valid reasons or not valid reasons"⁠—depending, right? But your feelings are perfectly valid. Even if she didn't think she was snapping and you're overreacting, your feelings are still valid even if you're overreacting. I don't like this idea that because we are overreacting, our feelings aren't valid. No. Our feelings are always valid.

What we want to make sure that we are doing is responding to our reactions in a way that doesn't make our heart hurt more or life more manageable. And I think part of what happens for you is your coping mechanism is for you to do exactly what you're scared is being done to you. It's like getting small. Are you somebody who gets into fights with people? Do you have conflicts with people that are verbal?

Guest: I can⁠—yeah. In certain contexts, yeah, I can speak up, I guess. Not all the time.

Jessica: So let me just be slightly more me about it and say you're 32. In the last ten years, have you had fights with people more than thrice?

Guest: Fights like…

Jessica: Conflict talk. Aggressive conflict talk.

Guest: I've had a few rounds with my mom, maybe like⁠—yeah [crosstalk]⁠—

Jessica: Okay. So I don't mean your family of origin or somebody you're dating. I'm talking about friends, colleagues.

Guest: No. I wouldn't say so.

Jessica: Okay.

Guest: Not yelling fights, no.

Jessica: How about aggressive conflict talk? You know what I mean by conflict talk.

Guest: Conversations at a pub where you're debating something with a friend?

Jessica: No. No. That is discussion. What I'm talking about is, "You crossed a line, and I want to talk about what's going on," or, "I'm really upset that you did X."

Guest: I've had conversations with people, but not aggressive fight fights, no.

Jessica: Not heated?

Guest: Maybe a little bit. I'm not very⁠—yeah. I don't know.

Jessica: It's interesting to me that this question I'm asking you is a little confusing, that we're trying to figure out what even a fight is. That's the answer. If you don't know what a fight is, that's the answer right there. You know what I mean?

Guest: Yeah. I guess that's the answer. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. That's the answer because fights with friends are not always screaming; sometimes they're just like, "You are hurting my feelings. What is happening? Why are you"⁠—blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean? But you'd know. If you're fighting with people, you know. If you're not fighting with⁠—

Guest: I try and avoid that. It's so exhausting.

Jessica: Yes. Okay.

Guest: So exhausting.

Jessica: Here we are. We have arrived, my friend. Okay. So you try to avoid conflict because it exhausts you. And when people do not avoid conflict, it just feels like there's no room for you because you don't know how to engage with it without being a part of the conflict. I know it's a silly individual experience, but this one woman in this one situation was kind of a dick in that moment. And instead of engaging with it and being like, "That's mean. We're not mean to each other. What's going on?" which would have been perfectly appropriate and not dramatic or yelling, but it would have been like, "You pushed me. Honey, no. Please don't push me." You pulled back. And this is where⁠ I mentioned this thing called the projected form of the birth chart.

Guest: Yeah. I've heard you mention that before.

Jessica: Let me tell you what I mean by it. So, when a thing is in your birth chart, that doesn't always mean it's your personality trait. So much of what we see in our birth chart is our personality trait, like you have a Libra Moon in the seventh house. You really care about your relationships. You are very nurturing towards people, very loyal, and you're very relationship-minded. You're thinking about building connections with people and how to and all that kind of stuff. Yeah? Make sense?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: So, that, you identify with. However, you've got a Mars/Pluto square in your birth chart. You've got Saturn and Neptune as focal planets to T-squares. So what you less identify with is being rigid, being really kind of aggressive, being easily irritated, having a real hard time sharing power. You don't identify with those things. Instead, what happens is you unconsciously project out your birth chart, and the way that you do is you pull in people who behave that way. And this is what all humans do. It's not just you. It's not a personal failing. It's just this is how it goes.

So there's this way that you're engaging with these patterns so that you can find ways of, as healthy as possible, embodying your own anger, your own ambition, your own relationship to power or rigidity or flexibility, adaptability. These situations where the other person might be technically doing these things to you or at you, it pushes you up against a wall so that you have to respond one way or another. You have to engage. And this is how we embody the birth chart. Sometimes it's through the projected form, or some circumstance or person kind of forces our hand. And so, in your chart, this is about how much power you are willing and able to hold around other people you perceive to be powerful and how you engage with rigidity, which is related to power.

There's lots of ways of holding power, but most people, the more power you have, the more rigidity comes up. And this is why when somebody who's 29 years old does this or 35 years old does this to you, you're like, "Whatever," and when somebody who's 45 years old or 65 years old, you're like, "This is wrong." And so the cool part⁠—I'm going to call it cool, but as a counselor I think it's cool. It's not going to be super cool to you. But the cool part of this is that you are engaging with these people⁠—and they happen to be these women, right? You're engaging with these women, and what's essentially happening is you're engaging with yourself.

You are having these opportunities to access parts of yourself that you aren't choosing to access, and so the Universe is like, "That's cool. You want to be forced? We got this lady here. She's really rude when she's insecure. We'll just put you out on a camping trip. Cool." And it works. And it works. It just doesn't work easily. So let me tell you what's happening. When I was studying your chart, girl, every part of your chart that is involved in this dynamic in you is being hammered right now, which is why that shit went down. I know. I'm so sorry. 

Guest: [crosstalk]

Jessica: Oh yeah. It's fucking odd. And it all started in February of this year.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: Does that make sense? Did you start having stuff in February?

Guest: Yeah. It's been like a bit of a bull ride. Yeah, just like a lot on constantly.

Jessica: Yeah. And it won't be over until⁠—oh man⁠—the summer of 2023.

Guest: So midyear. My winter.

Jessica: Yeah.

Guest: That's when I hand my thesis in. I think that's my homestretch for my⁠ thesis.

Jessica: That makes perfect sense.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: That makes perfect sense. So it's a PhD? Is that what you're getting?

Guest: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. There's no better way to have terrible transits then to get a PhD. I have never seen it go otherwise. It's just like it's a very intense, very ambitious thing to do. And so you are having Saturn and Uranus lean on these parts of your personality, and they're doing so so that you come into your own power in a way that is in alignment with your values. And you cannot do that if you are quiet when somebody steps on your toe every time. And you know what? Sometimes it's appropriate to be quiet when someone steps on your toe. We don't want to go into a rigidity of, "You have to assert yourself every time."

But it's about being able to assert yourself in the moment when somebody hurts your feelings by being a dick. And I know I keep on saying being a dick, and that's not your words. And you've kind of tried to pull me back from saying that a couple times. But part of why I'm saying this is because I think part of what happens for you⁠—and again, this is classic Libra Moon, Venus in Pisces shit⁠—is that there's a way that if I say that she was being a dick, there's this part of you that's like, "No, she's not. She's a nice person. She's a really nice person, and I like her."

And what I'm saying is, in this moment, she was being a dick. And what you're hearing is, "She is a human dick." And those are really different things, right? Those are really different things. And I want to just hold space for each individual action is not the thing. And you can be a lovely person and a terrible jerk in a situation or in several situations and still be a really lovely person. And she may have done something that I might not have really noticed but really rubbed you the wrong way, and that's valid.

And so, within all of this, what I want to kind of bring you back to is you are stepping into ownership of your craft and skill, of your lived experiences as a grown-ass woman, of healing work you've done around family-of-origin stuff, which is forever-until-the-day-you-die work. But still, you're in this place of ownership around that. And it is perfect timing for this stuff to be in your face in a very annoying way because this stuff could be in your way, or it could become, when integrated, a real source of power. And this is where the T-square in astrology⁠—and I keep on referring to your T-square. A T-square is when you have two or more planets that are opposite each other, and they form a square to one or more planets.

And so, in your chart, the Sun and Moon both square to Neptune and then slightly more loosely to Saturn. And so those focal planets⁠—in your case, Neptune and Saturn⁠—what they are saying in your chart is that you are somebody who could be a great authority over whatever it is that you are doing professionally because this all lands in your tenth house. You are somebody who really cares about the environment you're in. Neptune in the tenth house, especially because it's really close to the Midheaven⁠—if you're working on a project or whatever for a job, and the people and the environment don't feel like a yes you, it can fuck everything else up. You're so sensitive to environment.

And so one bad apple ruins the bunch is the expression. And for you, that really fucking means something when it comes to this topic. It really can throw you off your center. I'm using all these words to say you are really sensitive, and you deserve and have the right to validate those sensitivities and find ways of taking care of yourself around them because you don't want to take yourself out of collective environments, and you don't want to stop working with older women and people in general, and you don't want to stop on your path.

So the work becomes noticing what comes up for you in those situations and seeing if you can make a different choice, and practicing/experimenting with it, because not only do these transits end in the winter of 2023 for Australia/the summer here in the U.S., but at that time, you're going to be 33. So you're going to be hitting your Christ year, which is kind of like the integration year for the Saturn Return. So all the shit that at 30, 31, 32 started to seem like it kind of went away from 28/29, your Saturn Return, it comes back. And so I would be really surprised if this theme didn't play itself out during your Saturn Return in a meaningful way.

And so 32 is the age where I want to really encourage you to very consciously notice how you're engaging in this pattern and to really explore ways of engaging that are more effective for you, that are you taking better care of you, understanding that one way of taking care of you is not creating more drama. You don't want that. And that doesn't mean not advocating for yourself or honoring what's happening for you.

This thing I was saying about the jerk, if you say to me, "Hey, Jessica, that feels really rough. That hurts my feelings. Ouch," there is this part of you that fears that if I then respond poorly or if I don't respond ideally, that then I'm going to think you're a jerk⁠—and if I think you're a jerk, that is very hard for you to tolerate, as opposed to being like, "Oh. I said this thing. Maybe I said it poorly. Maybe I said it wrong. Maybe I said it perfectly." Doesn't matter how you said it. You could be perfect. You could be the worst, anything in between. And how I respond to you identifying your needs and your feelings is a reflection of me. It's not a reflection on your value.

And if I identify your value based on a single thing you do, then yeah, I'm kind of a jerk, or I have major problems with myself that I haven't worked out yet. A little potāto/potäto. You know what I mean? And I want to just hold space for this because part of you giving yourself permission to get it wrong when you have kind of "ouchie" conversations with people is you needing to be more flexible, adaptable. It's okay to get it wrong, because you're just trying. And it's okay if she got it wrong, because she's trying. It doesn't mean you're entitled to act a jerk or she's entitled to act a jerk. It means it's okay if you acted a jerk, because you can apologize and you can make better.

Guest: And often, these women do come back and apologize because they know they're being a jerk to me. I think that gets my Venus in Pisces, and then I'm like, "You knew you were being a jerk."

Jessica: That's awful. Here's the thing.

Guest: But it's good.

Jessica: It is good. And also, if you are not driven to be diplomatic and make yourself small all the time, then you, too, will be a jerk sometimes. And if you're doing your work, then you'll be a jerk and you'll be like, "Oh shit. I'm sorry. That was rude." We all do that. If you work around people, it's kind of inevitable. And some of this is about you. I mean, again, you're a double Aries. Do you trigger people? Duh. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Double Aries. I mean, you don't need to be a magician to figure that part out.

You have Uranus on the Midheaven. When you show up in work environments, you're a disrupter. That's kind of your magic. That's your whole fucking⁠—you got a North Node in Aquarius, got Mars in Aquarius in the eleventh house, Uranus at the top of the chart⁠—yeah. You're an innovator. And I imagine that's what you want when we're not talking about this topic. You like being innovative and being able to disrupt things that aren't working.

Within this, having the flexibility to be like, "I have done something that is outside of how I'd rather do it, or it didn't get received well, and that doesn't mean that I did the wrong thing"⁠—that right there is so⁠—again, it's small. It sounds so small, but it's a core thing for you to give yourself, and even others, permission to be able to do. And for somebody who is kind of wired to rattle people and rattle situations a little bit, you're very empathetic. You're very kind, and you care. You actually really care.

And so I am not worried about you going forth and stamping your feet and your fists and just being a jerk. I'm not at all worried about that. And I, as an astrologer, have the perspective that the more that you take up space being a little bit more honest about, "Huh. That feels a little⁠—are you feeling something towards me? What's happening here?"⁠—again, being inquisitive. The more that you can do that, the less this pattern will show itself because you will be embodying your chart, so you won't need to get into situations that force you to embody your chart. Does that make sense?

Guest: That does make sense. What you're just speaking to just sort of brings up, as well, some trauma around if you do call something out and make a deal of it⁠—this comes back to, I think, key family dynamic, lack of autonomy⁠—then you've got to stew in the other people's emotional immaturity, and it's going to be hell. So you just shrink and coast because otherwise, you're stuck in hell and you can't do anything. You can't leave. So that fully was coming up. I just feel that in my chest a bit when you were speaking as well.

I think I loved what you said about just experimenting and playing with it and just⁠—yeah, it's a game. It's all a big game, right? So you just play and know and just try to rewire that thinking that yeah, I have agency now. I don't need to be⁠—even though I'm stuck in these situations, to bring that to the fore.

Jessica: Yeah. And you don't have a lot of patience with yourself because these kind of early developmental experiences that set your chart⁠—just because you're 32 and you technically know better doesn't mean that the core wounding goes away. Just because you're 62 and you technically know better does not mean that the core wounding goes away. And having empathy for that part of you that's like, "I'm so scared of reliving this," is part of changing your survival mechanism's function because when you say to your survival mechanism, "Whatever you want. I'll give you anything you want,"⁠ that's terrible. That feels like shit. And if you say to your survival mechanisms, "I'm going to change you now," then they just get stronger.

And so being willing to be like, "Yes, this is my wounding, and it's being triggered in this situation. But this situation is not the same situation, so I'm going to play." And you want to play and you want to experiment because, again, Aries. This thing of things being⁠—again, Aries. Yes. And you want to be able to hold that and to know that you'll sometimes engage with people who respond really well to that, and sometimes they won't. And they're both okay. Ideally, everybody's happy all the time. But when missteps are made, you can come back from it.

And I think that that's a really important part of all of this because that Saturn at the top of the chart and that Capricorn stellium can be like, "It's written in stone. Now we're not friends. Now we're enemies. Shit," whereas what's really happening is you had a shitty interaction because she was obsessing on something that had nothing to do with you, and she snapped or whatever. And it's a valuable thing to be able to hold space for without minimizing yourself. And this is a practice.

And I would say that the stuff in your birth chart that we've been talking about⁠—I've never encountered anyone, ever, who has any of these dynamics in their chart who's healed them all in their 30s. That's not a thing. Give yourself space to be uncomfortable and to not feel weird about it because I know that earlier in the conversation, you were like, "Oh, this feels like we're talking about something petty." But it's not. It's just finding a way to tap into something that's really uncomfortable.

And I think when you tell yourself, "Oh, this is petty"⁠—I mean, I think it's good to say, "Am I being petty?" But once you've identified, "This is how I feel, and it's a strong feeling," as long as you're not being petty about how you seek to understand it and cope with it, it doesn't matter if it's petty. In other words, don't pathologize your emotions because that's what was done to you. And this is hard because this is a deep patrilineage thing. And if we had an extra hour, we'd just be talking about your childhood and your mother's childhood, honestly, because that's really core to all of this.

But hopefully, through this conversation, you have some tools and insights that you can kind of unpack from here. And if you have time this morning, when we get off the call, take notes about whatever it was that came up, and I want to encourage you to take notes about things I said that you don't agree with or that feel wrong or off or whatever. As the person who said them, I want to give you full carte blanche to be in the emotion of that and be with your own thoughts around it and to write it down, as well as the things that really resonated and felt right for you, so that you can give yourself permission to be in the wholeness of your feelings and thoughts.

And then you can return to them in a couple hours and a couple days and a couple weeks and be like, "Do I still feel that same way? Do I still think the same thing?" And this is a great way of knowing yourself. So, whether you land on "Jessica's a jerk" or not is okay with me because it's a great opportunity for you to be with yourself and take care of yourself without judging yourself for having whatever thoughts or feelings you have.

Guest: I don't think you're a jerk.

Jessica: Thank you. Thank you.

Guest: Yeah. I think you're the bomb.

Jessica: I appreciate it. Thank you. That's very nice. But just so you know, you can change your mind in 15 minutes, and I'm okay with it. I just want you to have that for whatever it's worth.

Guest: Cool.

Jessica: Yes.

Guest: Awesome. Thank you. Yeah. Lots to percolate, and I'm sure there will be seeds that I'll take with me.

Jessica: That's the hope. It's been so lovely getting to talk with you. And I know that you're going through really intense stuff right now. It is actually really heavy and intense. And when I pulled up your chart, I was like, "Well, this is why we're doing a reading," because your core stuff is being activated in a really heavy way. So be gentle with yourself. Be patient and gentle with yourself because the Universe will just do this really great job of bringing your shit up and being like, "Look. It's your shit," in any number of ways.

Again, in my experience just as somebody who's consulted with people, if you're doing a PhD when shit like this is happening astrologically, it'll all come up around the PhD because it's so consuming. And so don't let that color your enthusiasm for your accomplishments because I see that you're working really hard and you're doing really exciting work, which I know is a little off topic of what we've been talking about, but it feels really important for me to name. It looks like you're doing exciting stuff.

Guest: I'll keep that in mind, and yeah. Thanks so much for your time and deep dives. Yeah. So cool to meet you.

Jessica: Great to meet you, too.

Guest: Yeah. Take care out there.

Jessica: Thank you.

Guest: Until next time.

Jessica: Until next time. Take really good care.

Guest: Yeah. Thanks, Jessica.

Jessica: My pleasure. Thank you. Bye.

All right. Let's talk about it. This week has been really painful. It's been really, really rough. More than half of the United States' population has had our human rights violated, and this is of course clearly just the beginning. But so many of us are just being racked by grief and fear and upset. And within that, many of us are showing our asses. And many of us are dealing with other people who are showing their asses. Now, I don't mean to put shade on asses, because I love a good backside. But you know what I mean. When we feel our worst can be when we act our worst.

This is a lot. And it is hard to be graceful when we are dealing with so much pain and fear individually and also collectively. Inevitably, there is anxiety and fear and uncertainty right now. So, if you're at all impacted by what's happening, not just as a person living in a society but also as an empath or a highly sensitive person, you're likely to be feeling pretty bowled over in these days, and that may show up as anxiety, exhaustion, irritability, disassociation, panic⁠—the list goes on. And I want to just, first of all, acknowledge that. That's real, and you're not alone in that.

That said, it is important to remember⁠—I mean so important to remember⁠—that we are in a marathon and not a sprint, my friends. If we are to stay active and activated, we're going to need to have sustainable and healthy ways of approaching and experiencing these emotions and these realities. And I have some words that I'm going to share about some practical ways to participate in the world, but first, let me say this. In order to be an impactful ally, accomplice, or activist, at least to really be impactful on a sustained and meaningful level, you've got to know yourself. You've got to know what you can and can't do in a healthy way, what you are and aren't good at, and what's realistic for who you are and where you're at. So there is some important self-reflection and self-acceptance that is required for being a part of any collective movement.

In this past week, I've gotten many questions from people about where to begin to participate in the system and in being an activist. And this isn't the first time when something really terrible happens that impacts so many of us that folks, in your passion and in your emotionalism, are like, "Okay. I want to figure out my way of participating. What's my way?" And I want to say, if you have not been engaged in the fight for reproductive justice before this week or any other important social justice movement before recent days or months, I strongly recommend that you find organizations and activists who have been doing this work for years and back up their work.

So there are people in the reproductive justice and the body autonomy movement that have been working hard and effectively for years, just like that is true for the climate crisis, for Trans rights and Queer rights issues, for racial justice issues. So it's important to remember this. If your activism is solely emotional and reactionary, you'll burn yourself out. And that means you won't be impactful, and you won't feel good. We need strategy and intentionality. All movements do all the time. I mean, I'm going to wrap it into astrology; don't worry. All movements need strategy and intentionality, and this happens through community-building and skill-sharing and time. Yes, time. It takes time.

And so it is really key to not need to be the star of the show. And listen. We're here to talk about stars, right? It's astrology. And I want you to know that I believe every individual is special. And I know that so many of you want to be special, and that's important for you. And I know that it doesn't feel special to phone bank or put stamps on envelopes, but often, is the mundane and boring tasks that are what is most desperately needed for activist movements. So try not to center yourself by needing to be special or the star of the show. You do not need to reinvent the wheel, my loves. My loves, there are existing social justice movements. There are existing activists. Learn from them, not by DMing them or emailing them and asking them to teach you, but learn from them. Read their websites. Read their content. Figure out how you can support their movements.

And if you're a person who likes working within the system or your brain works this way, it is a good idea to find and support lobbyists that are working towards things that you believe in and you care about, or to become a lobbyist yourself. Now, I promised you some astrology. So Pluto is in Capricorn, right? We know this. It is the Pluto Return of the United States in the zodiac sign of Capricorn. So working within capitalism to overturn or transform capitalism⁠—not a bad idea. We need all the ideas. We need all the approaches. Let's not be Puritanical or idealistic. This is a big fight, and a lot of approaches will be helpful. We don't just need one approach.

So, as the far-right Christian extremist republicans are turning things over to states' rights, for now, states have power. And that means getting involved in local and state politics is wise. It's impactful. It's effective. So work with local groups. Work with people in your communities to create change locally. Don't look to your birth chart. I say this as an astrologer who has dedicated more than 30 years of my life, the bulk of my life, to astrology. I'm not looking to my birth chart for how I'm going to participate in the world. I'm not doing that, and I don't encourage you to do it.

Instead, I encourage you to look to community leaders, social justice leaders. See what they are asking for and do what needs doing. This is really important. Find a way that is realistic and sustainable for who you are and where you're at, and participate. Participate in the system that we're living in, as bullshitty as it is. Participate in the world so that it can better reflect what you want it to. Don't wait for other people to save you. No one's coming to save us. We save us. We are the majority. And if we come together, our collective power is undeniable.

I got one more thing to say. The Supreme Court⁠—I don't know how we get these people overturned. I don't know how we impose limits on their tenure. I don't have the answers for that. But I do know that in terms of hierarchical power structures, this is classic bad-news Capricorn vibe. They will not stop on their own because they don't have to. You don't need to be an astrologer to see that it's about to get ugly. It's about to get real ugly, and it's happening quickly. Find ways that you can be a part of this tide of change because whether you sit on the sidelines or you get activated, you are a part of the change one way or another.

And because this is all happening as a result of the Pluto Return of the United States of America, we can all trust that Christian patriarchal white supremacist values are what we are dealing with. And connected to that are violations of the land itself. They are inevitable themes that we will see interwoven through all the injustices that the Pluto Return brings to surface. These are the things that are at the roots of our problems as a nation, and we need to deal with these issues personally as individuals and collectively as a group.

So there's no easy path forward. There's no simple path forward. It's just time to giddy-up because this is going to be a bit of a wild ride. And while we are not able to change some fundamental realities⁠—a lot of fundamental realities of what we're dealing with, in our histories, etc.⁠—we have power. We are powerful when we come together. So, if you're feeling isolated, find community. Support the community. And in turn, that community will support you.

Okay. I know we need to get astrological because that's what we're here to do. We're going to look at the horoscope for July 3rd through the 9th of 2022. How are we halfway through this year? Are you wearing a mask indoors around people? Are you wearing a mask? I feel like you, for sure, are wearing a mask when you're around people indoors because you're not ableist, right? You care about other people, and also, you're taking good care of your health. You're taking COVID seriously still, right? I know I am, and I'm sure you are. That's where I'm going with it. But just in case you're not, let me say this. Jupiter's still in Aries, so we got this fast-spreading COVID going on. And COVID is spreading, and it's spreading fast. This was my worry about Jupiter in Aries, that it moves like wildfire. And that it has been.

But now we are feeling the Saturn square to Uranus. This transit, which I've talked about a ton because it was happening all of 2021⁠—it comes back into a seven-degree orb at the start of next week. So we're really going to be feeling it now. And the Saturn square to Uranus means a lot of things. One meaningful thing is we're going to be dealing with issues of infrastructure way more, which if we want to upset the Supreme Court is good news, and if we want to deal with infrastructure in terms of bridges and roads and public transportation⁠—not as good news. Basically, it's upsetting. And certain things we want to upset, and other things, when they get upset, everything gets upset.

And so it's a sticky, tricky time. But in the context of COVID specifically, you can expect the unexpected. You can expect that the infrastructure that we have⁠—in other words, what governments and corporations are doing to keep the populace safe⁠—are likely to run into problems. So use your common sense above all else. Just a little common sense doesn't usually hurt you.

Now, from an activist perspective, the Saturn/Uranus square is an opportunity, and it's only happening through the rest of this year. So it is a limited-time opportunity to create revolutionary change to our systems of governance. So use that as you will, my friends. Now, specific to this week, I want to just start it off by saying the Mercury square to Neptune that I talked to you about last week was exact on the 2nd of July. We're still feeling it at the start of this week, and it is an anxiety-provoking transit. So, if you have been feeling pretty anxious and overwhelmed, we can blame the transit. I mean, we can blame lots of things easily, but certainly we can thank this transit for it.

Mercury square to Neptune is kind of the last transit we need right now, but it's the transit we have. So be gentle with yourself, especially if you're feeling anxiety, and know that this transit, like all transits, will pass. Now, on the 4th, we have one exact transit and two ingresses. So, if you're new here, an ingress is when a planet ingresses, a.k.a. moves, into a new zodiac sign. And so, if you're an astro nerd and you're following along with Astrology For Days, my transit-tracking app, you'll notice that all ingresses, like in the side panel where it draws out all the transits, are always written in blue. So it's like, at a glance, you can see a planet is ingressing into a new sign. But I digress.

So, on the 4th, Mars ingresses into Taurus, and Mercury moves right on into, a.k.a. ingresses into, Cancer. And when they both make that move, they form a sextile between Mercury in Cancer and Mars in Taurus. This transit is a really great transit that I've got some words for because Mercury sextile Mars is energizing. It is a transit that makes it fun for getting out there and flirting, for reaching out to people, for making moves, especially socially. Mercury and Mars together, especially in a sextile⁠—they're going to make for a fun night out or afternoon out. Lots of things to talk about. Lots of things to do. It'll spark ideas. It will help to motivate you to move a project forward, especially if the project is Mercurial; it involves communication, learning, ideas, etc.

And that's exciting. That's good news. The -ish side is we're still very much feeling the Mercury square to Neptune. So, if you are overwhelmed by anxiety because you're already a little bit down the rabbit hole with Mercury square Neptune, and then the Mercury sextile to Mars comes along and kind of pushes you forward⁠—because Mars is pushy; it makes things move⁠—it can just feel pretty destabilizing. So there's an easy fix⁠—maybe I'll say a simple fix instead of easy because self-help is not especially easy, even when it's simple. But the fix is this. It's to use the energies that we are feeling on the 3rd, the 4th, the 5th⁠—use those energies to be really intentional about where your thoughts go, about the people you choose to engage with and how you talk to them, the energy that you're bringing to the situation.

If you use that sextile, that 60-degree energy that is so creative and dynamic⁠—if you use it as a way to achieve or attain some level of progress, if you use it as a way to bolster your ego and self-esteem, this can be really helpful on the tail end of the Mercury/Neptune transit. It can help with anxiety is what I'm saying, but it takes some level of intention to make that shift. Without intention, you may end up just feeling like things are moving forward and you can't give up because you're still feeling really anxious or you haven't fully recovered from that transit. So those are just some things to consider. And with that, my friends, you'll do your damn best, no more, no less.

On the 6th, we have another exact transit, and it's another sextile. This one is a Venus sextile to Chiron. Now, Chiron kind of features heavily in this week's horoscope, for better and for worse. And when we're dealing with Chiron, we're not just dealing with situations. We're dealing with our psyche on a meaningful level. It's important to remember Chiron is not a planet. Chiron is an asteroid, and asteroids and planets do not function in the same exact way. And just as a side note, it's hard to find information about the asteroids in general, and Chiron specifically, on the 'net because there's not as much information about the asteroids. They have not been used for as many years. Astrology is very old; there's a lot of existing data and research about the planets⁠—not as much about the asteroids. So fun facts.

Okay. Back to the transit. Venus sextile Chiron⁠—it's an opportunity to tap into your values around relationships, around finances, around gender, around beauty. I mean, Venus governs so many things. But to be able to actively engage with Chironic themes⁠—in other words, to be able to actively engage with where we have pain points, where we have beliefs that maybe don't serve us or that are a result of the interjected perpetrator, a.k.a., we have taken on beliefs and attitudes from people who have caused us harm or wished us harm, whether that's looking at it systemically or from our early developmental experiences⁠—and usually, with Chiron, it's a combo platter of the two. Venus sextile to Chiron is an opportunity to deal with these pain points in our psyches and our lives, but to deal with them in a way that's not especially painful.

When we're dealing with Chiron and Pluto and sometimes Saturn and Neptune, even in the easy transits, they can be kind of hard. It depends on a variety of details. But this sextile is an opportunity to align yourself with your values: what you value, how you experience that value, how you express that value, and what you feel is in the way of those things. It is essential to value yourself, and not because you're better than other people, but because everyone has value. Each and every one of us have value. And if anyone is telling you that you don't, yeah, this is a great time to look really honestly at why you're keeping them around, why you're engaging with them, and if there are healthier ways for you to do so because that sextile between Venus and Chiron is an opportunity to achieve greater self-awareness and to translate that self-awareness through how we relate to others, because Venus is very relational.

Listen. I'm not going to promise you that Chiron is not going to bring up pain, because it's fucking Chiron. Chiron can bring up pain. However, whenever we have a sextile, a 60-degree angle, we have the energy of creativity. And so seek creative approaches and solutions to your most stuck or difficult problems. That's the opportunity here.

And that brings us to the next exact transits. On the 8th, we have a Sun square to Chiron and a Mercury square to Jupiter. So let's stick with Chiron here. So, if you're doing your homework like a good astrology nerd, then on the 4th through 7th, what you're doing is you're investigating your values. You're looking at whether or not you've taken in and on beliefs or values that are not really yours, that don't really reflect what you believe. This is a time for dealing with relationships, etc., etc. But then the Sun square to Chiron gets activated. We're going to feel it the 7th through the 9th. It's exact on the 8th.

The Sun square to Chiron is intense. The Sun is your identity and sense of self, and Chiron is wounding. So what we're dealing with through this transit is deeply psychological and spiritual, not just situational. And of course, collectively, we are dealing with the cruelty of patriarchy, and we must strive to find ways of staying whole through the experience of that. Building a sense of self, returning to a sense of self, validating our right to be whole and big⁠—this is essential. It's an essential part of life. It's an essential part of this transit. And what this transit is likely to do is to trigger some sort of painful experience or catharsis that confronts us with ways that we are not whole within ourselves, that we are playing small, that we have been systemically or individually and personally shoved into a damn corner.

This transit is difficult. And unfortunately, when people feel threatened⁠—and this transit can bring up feeling really personally threatened because, again, the Sun is about the center of your chart; it's the center of your identity. And so when people feel threatened is when we tend to act the worst. So maybe not you. Maybe you're a goddamn angel. But other people are likely to act poorly. So I want to say, sure, don't take it personally, because not everything is really personal to you. Also, I hate it when people say that, because if it's happening to you and at you and around you personally, then yeah, it's personal to you.

But the point that's important here is that oftentimes⁠—not just sometimes. Oftentimes, the way people behave, including you and me⁠—the way we behave is a reflection on our mental state, our history of lived experiences, our epigenetics, so many things, and not about the specific situation we're in or the people we're dealing with. We are projecting all manner of shit upon things. And again, if you hear me say this and you're like, "That's not me. That's not true," okay. Fine. But it's definitely true for many humans.

So, in this kind of situation, what we can do when other people are showing their ass is to understand that that's a reflection on them and not on you. What's a reflection on you is how you respond. It's how you take care of yourself. It's how you show up in interactions. And it can be very easy whenever the Sun gets triggered to be defensive, to be like, "I have to prove myself. I have to get validation." And that won't do well. Let's add some extra complexity. It especially won't do well because as I mentioned, Mercury is also forming an exact square to Jupiter on this day. So this transit on its own⁠—I actually think it's one of the funner transits.

Mercury square to Jupiter on its own is a time where you end up running into someone on the streets and talking to them forever, and it's really fun and inspiring, or you learn something new. Maybe you talk too much. Maybe you don't listen enough. But it's not a terrible transit. It's no Sun square Chiron. That's for sure. But it is an error to use astrology and only look at each individual transit in a vacuum. We need to synthesize the data⁠—classic Jupiter stuff, right?

And so, in the context of the larger conditions that we are living in, there's an increased risk of propaganda, misinformation and disinformation, gossip, and just generally not listening to reason. Mercury square Jupiter can have you running at the mouth or have someone else running at the mouth. It can have you in situations where you are not listening to others or they are not listening to you, or no one's listening to everyone; everyone's just barking into the wind. Bark, bark, bark⁠—which can be satisfying if you're one of the barkers, but only for a minute. It's like⁠—what do they call that? A Band-Aid on a bullet wound. Doesn't do anything that needs doing.

Mercury square Jupiter at its best can be a time where we learn and we are emboldened to connect to others and to take in ideas and to share of ourselves. But at worst, it is propaganda. It is the abuse of information. It is not listening, not being honest or forthcoming, and talking shit. So terrible combination to have with the Sun square to Chiron, especially in the context of all the larger themes we have playing out in our world. Yes, it feels good to say something witty and biting and petty and cruel when you're dealing with bullshit. It feels really good, but it doesn't add anything to the world.

So resist the urge to shit-talk, gossip, and pull gotchas on people this week, and especially on and around the 8th. You may be right. I may be crazy. Oh, wait. That's Billy Joel. Astrology. You may be right, but shoving your truth down someone else's throat will win no hearts and no minds over. That's just not how it's done. And someone else shoving their truth down your throat⁠—yeah, doesn't work, right? It just doesn't work. If you are consuming news⁠—which I really hope you are. If you are consuming news, be a critical thinker. Don't jump to conclusions. If somebody sends you an article, look at the date before you read it. Look at the date it was published. Is it three years old? Is it three minutes old? Who published it? Is the reporting agency reputable? Have you ever heard of them before?

We have to be critical thinkers in this time. Mercury square to Jupiter tends to lead to messy thinking. So tighten up is what I want to say. Just tighten up. On the positive, this transit in combination with the Sun square to Chiron can embolden us to truly seek the truth. It'll be a lot easier to be defensive and sloppy and shit-talky. It's not healthier. It's not better. It'll just be easier for most people. So pick those battles wisely, my friends, because I don't know about you, but I sure as hell don't have the energy to waste. Not these days.

So that's it. That's your damn horoscope. Might not be that sweet, but it certainly was a little short. As a quick rundown, we're starting to feel the impact of the Saturn/Uranus square again. We are still at the start of the week feeling the impact of the Mercury square to Neptune. Also, on the 4th, we have Mars moving into Taurus and Mercury ingressing into Cancer. We have Mercury and Mars forming a sextile to each other. On the 6th, we have a Venus sextile to Chiron. On the 8th, we have a Sun square to Chiron and a Mercury square to Jupiter. 

As always, if you get value from this here forecast, I invite you to join me over on Patreon, especially because it's the start of the month and you can listen to the month-ahead horoscope. That's on the kittens level. And July, my loves, is going to be intense. So giddy-up. Get over there. Join me. Let's get woo. Let's get astrological. But if you're not into Patreon, that's cool. Subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen to podcasts, and give it little five stars on whatever platform you're listening. If you listen on Apple Podcasts, writing a review is always super helpful and deeply appreciated.

And I just want to remind you that if you took my High Times and Addiction webinar, whether you attended live or you've watched it since, on July 17th, I'm doing an AMA based on that topic. And I'm really excited about it. I'm doing it on this new platform called Social Hour. It's going to be cute. It's going to be fun. I'm very excited about doing this. So you can register for that class on my website at lovelanyadoo.com, where there is always transcripts for this here podcast. If you like to read along, if you're like, "Wait. What did she say?" just use the search bar on my damn website, and then you can find any topic, any theme that I've covered on the podcast most easily.

Listen. We are going through difficult times. And if you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, frightened, that's okay. It's actually really healthy to have that response. We are not in normal times. Things right now are not chill, and they're not going to be anytime soon. So identifying the healthiest and most sustainable ways of coping is a good idea. Asking for help, not isolating yourself, is a good idea. And if you're more like me and you're more of an introvert, you find a way. There are always ways. You don't need seven million friends and to walk into a community of 50 people at a potluck in order to find community and support and to offer yourself to community and to be supportive to others. There is a way for all of us. And this week's astrology presents the opportunity⁠—not the easiest one, but a good one⁠—to find yours.

Stay safe out there. I'll talk to you next week. Buh-bye.