Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

Jessica: I am so glad you're here with me. We're going to get into your Saturn Return. We're not sharing your birth information. That's all established and happy. But you tell me, what is your question? What would you like a reading about?

Guest: So pretty much the long and short of it is I'm in the midst of my Saturn Return, and I'm just trying to figure out how can I just really stay present in the middle of all of this chaos? There's been a lot of change going on, especially within the last year. I moved states. I changed jobs. I finished grad school, internships, the whole nine. And I'm just trying to keep my head on, and then, you know, global pandemic and all that other fun stuff. So…

Jessica: So chill. So chill. Yeah. What a time to have a Saturn Return. I'm going to double-check something before I open my trap. I checked it, but then when you said that you were in the middle of your Saturn⁠—did you say you were in the middle of your Saturn Return?

Guest: Just kind of figure-of-speech-like.

Jessica: Okay. Cool.

Guest: I know I'm in it, but I don't know exactly where I am on it.

Jessica: It hasn't begun. So that's why [crosstalk]⁠—

Guest: It hasn't begun? Oh my God.

Jessica: I'm so sorry. Listen. When I pulled up your birth chart, I was almost jealous because your chart makes me look like I'm not much of a Capricorn. And I am so identified⁠—I have Sun, Moon, and Rising all in Capricorn. But, my God, you've got Mars, Neptune, Uranus, Venus, and the Sun all conjunct each other, and they're all very tightly conjoined. But they're all in the twelfth house. So there's a lot to say, but I guess I just had to exclaim at the beginning. That is a lot of Capricorn, like a lot of Capricorn.

Guest: It is. It is.

Jessica: It is a lot of Capricorn.

Guest: It's got me in a chokehold.

Jessica: It truly, truly does. And also, it's the kind of thing that ages really well. So, pre-Saturn Return, having that much Capricorn in your chart is pretty damn difficult, especially in childhood. Then the next two Saturn cycles can get a lot easier because the world kind of catches up to your maturity. But I digress. We're going to pull back, and I want to just acknowledge that your Saturn is at 28 degrees of Aquarius, which means your Saturn Return actually begins February 11th of 2023 and will remain active until March 7th of 2023. It's a bada-bing, bada-boom. It is not even a full month of the active transit.

But that actually⁠—I mean, it of course means something, but I think it's important for me to say that your Saturn Return can be seven days, and it can really impact a person. Where you are is in the lead-up period to the Saturn Return. But what's kicking your ass aggressively is Saturn. You're not wrong. Saturn is conjunct your Ascendant at 19 degrees of Aquarius. So you're definitely feeling Saturn. You're in the build-up period to the Saturn Return. You have this incredibly clustered chart. There's so many conjunctions in it. You have all those planets in Cap. You have Mercury and the Sun conjoined out of sign, and then you've got this really rich interception in your first house. You've got the zodiac sign of Pisces intercept your first house where the Moon is packed away, and you also have Saturn in the first house, not in the interception.

The reason why I'm naming this is because for you, your Saturn Return has so much to do with you finding yourself and identifying who you are. And that would be so much easier if you didn't have almost every planet in your chart⁠—like almost every planet in your chart⁠—in the twelfth house and your Moon in Pisces intercepted the first. So you're really good at being responsive to situations. You're really good at being responsive to people, to calamity in the world. You know how to locate yourself in that, but identity is kind of a different thing. And the Saturn Return in your birth chart is really about, yeah, you giving yourself full permission to be who you are. Does that make sense as a starting point?

Guest: Oh hell yeah, because I've definitely been feeling, especially since graduating from grad school, it's been this buildup of, "Okay. Well, where do I see myself going with this? Is this even the right path that I'm on? Is this the path that I want to make a career out of?" It's been a whole lot of that and, "Who am I outside of academic achievements and career and stuff like that?"

Jessica: Let's talk about that because⁠—and what did you study? Do you mind me asking?

Guest: Oh. Forensic psychology.

Jessica: Forensic psychology. Fascinating. I mean, I gotta say you're doing an excellent job of embodying your birth chart to a damn T because you've got this really strong square in your birth chart between Saturn, your ruling planet as a bazillionaire Capricorn, and your Saturn is square to Pluto, which is all about getting to the bottom of things; any kind of forensics would work. But also, you've got Pluto and the North Node in the ninth house, the house of higher education. And so I would imagine that university, higher education in general, drives you bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S. And you're also really good at it because there are really clearly described rules, and you⁠—as much as you don't necessarily enjoy that, it's relieving to you because it's like putting a puppy in a pen, like, "Okay. This is the place I have to guard. This is my move."

Guest: Exactly. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. So you graduated, and then what job does that mean you want to have?

Guest: The pipe dream would be to work for the government. I have a particular interest in domestic terrorism and extremism. The J6 stuff was not a surprise to me. I saw that coming back when I was an undergrad in like 2017, 2018, and I did an entire project on it. So it's stuff like that that really interests me. Just, I guess, the more general sense is I want to help people. I want to make my community a better, safer place and stuff like that, which is why I love the psychology part of it.

Jessica: So I gotta say I'm not surprised that you were able to call it. Your Pluto is at 27 degrees of Scorpio. The United States' Pluto is at 27 degrees of Capricorn. So there's a direct conversation there. On a spiritual level, it makes sense. Understanding the way that the corporation of America functions⁠—very intuitive for you. It's not that you don't study and you don't try, but it's just like a nice click because there's a conversation between your chart and the USA's chart, which is interesting on its own. But the other part of it is working within institutions makes a lot of sense for somebody with a stellium in the twelfth house. And again, as far as twelfth-house stelliums go, this is one of the biggest I've ever seen. I've seen a lot of charts.

Guest: Oh, lucky me.

Jessica: You're so lucky. Nobody's jealous, but you're super lucky. But on the positive⁠—sorry. On the positive of it is the professional stuff. You know what you have an interest in. You have skills in it. The question is, do you have the ovaries to push yourself forward understanding that in this field, first of all, there's going to be a lot of roadblocks, and it's also a slow path? I mean, I guess for some people in your field, it might be like, "Boop, I graduated, and here we are." But I feel like it's likely to be a slow path for you because Saturn forms a square to your Pluto. So Saturn tends to slow things down. Are you having a hard time getting a job in or adjacent to what you want?

Guest: Yes, very much so. I've been able to do internships⁠—of course, none of them paid⁠—that are within the field. I literally just finished one last night⁠—it was for a national nonprofit⁠—and provided different emotional support and resources and stuff like that. And I know that this is the area that I want to be in. I love it. It's just a matter of finding paid jobs or paid opportunities to do it. And yeah. It's been a slog.

Jessica: So there's layers of what we need to talk about within this, but I'm going to say, Capricorn to Capricorn, we are going to talk about your personal life. I will not be tricked by this fascinating conversation.

Guest: Fine.

Jessica: Okay. Cool. So Jupiter is right now trine to your Midheaven. That's great news. Jupiter is trine to your Midheaven because it's in Aries at around six degrees, and I think that you've got a couple more months of this. I can give you the exact date if you would like. But what that tells me is the internships, though grueling and unpaid as they may be, will bring you into conversation with people or into opportunities/connections that kind of plant seeds that will bloom in not too long of time because Jupiter acts fast.

So I want to say assume that everyone has power and everyone can help you get a job that you work with at this time, even if they don't in this moment, which I feel like I don't need to tell you because you have all that Capricorn, so you know how to handle people. But the other thing is the way you describe what's going on sounds like a total boner, like not fun at all. But when I look your birth chart, it looks like it is a struggle, but you're in the right place doing the right thing around the right people. Does that line up?

Guest: Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty consistent with how things have been for years. And so I'm used to the struggle, and some days I get in my Pisces Moon; I'm just like, "Why is this happening to me?" But it's like I gotta go and grab my balls or my ovaries and just be like, "All right. Well, I made it this far. Shit. Keep it coming."

Jessica: So I want to pull back and cut to the chase. You've got a stellium in Capricorn. You've got Saturn in the first house square Pluto in the ninth. You've got a North Node/Midheaven conjunction. All of these things tell me that you will achieve your conscious life objectives. Let me start there. Now, I can tell you this, and every older person that you've ever met who's worked with you has probably told you the same fucking thing. Am I right?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Yeah. Uh-huh. And it doesn't matter because you're like, "It's perfection or failure, and there's nothing in between." Capricorn. Yeah. But I want to just affirm that and I want to assert that, because I really do perceive that. And it's not because you're lucky. You're not especially lucky. It's because you work really hard, and you're focused. So that's a really important place to start, but we're not going to linger there because until you're plucking fruit from the tree, you're like, "Is it a tree? Is it a long plant? Nobody knows."

So that brings us back to your Saturn Return. So, first of all, the Saturn Return⁠—what is it? And you probably already know, but I'm going to give you my quick spiel on it. The Saturn Return happens two to three times in your life depending on how old you get. You are at your adult-onset Saturn Return, as I think of it. It's the closure of your childhood and the opening of your adulthood, which is super annoying for most people to hear, especially people with a lot of Capricorn, because you're like, "I've been an adult since I was ten. Fuck you." But you may be a highly mature⁠—

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. Exactly. I see your chart. But regardless, being a very mature or very smart or very savvy child is not the same as being an adult. And the difference is time and experience⁠—so Saturn of me to say. But that's literally the difference, and that's literally what Saturn governs. The Saturn Return marks that time where you're no longer reacting to your childhood or your childhood self or your parents or the people you were raised around or the people that you hated that you were around or whatever. It becomes a response⁠—our lives become more of a response⁠—to who and what we are and the choices we make.

So the Saturn Return, therefore, is such a big deal. And for the last couple of years, you've been struggling. But this is the fucking problem with your chart, is that yes, in the last couple of years, you have been going through the buildup to the Saturn Return. That takes about two years, and your Saturn Return starts in about six months, a year and a half. But on top of that, Pluto has been sitting on top of every Capricorn placement in your chart for the last several years. So it's really hard to separate these transits for you because it all is just like, "The Universe is raining fury upon my head." And it's hard to⁠—

Guest: Yeah. That's how it's been feeling. Oh my God.

Jessica: I'm sure. I mean, I'm sure. The Pluto transits are once-in-a-lifetime events. What you've been going through over the last couple of years with Pluto has been so destabilizing for what you thought the world was, who you understood yourself to be, your peace with yourself⁠—which was already tenuous because you're a person⁠—then the Saturn Return over the last year and a half, as it's been building, has been probably forcing you to more consciously confront things and confront things with people. And that's the thing that's so uncomfortable for you because in your birth chart, Venus is in the twelfth house, and it's conjunct, yes, the Sun, Uranus, and Mars, but also Neptune.

And so, even though you have a really strong personality⁠—you have really fixed ideas⁠—hello, Mercury in Aquarius⁠—you in many ways really know yourself. When it comes to interacting with other people, you're so good at finessing them, figuring out what they want or they need and kind of bending yourself to that, that when you're in situations or periods of life where you've got to just be like, "No. It's X. It's not Y," it really can be quite uncomfortable for you. Does this make sense?

Guest: Oh yeah. Oh yeah, because that's definitely been a recurring theme over the last several years, and it's gotten to points where I've had to put my foot down, and I hate it. Internally, I'm shaking. But things have escalated, in different work situations particularly, where I've had to just kind of lay down the line and be like, "No. I'm not going to put up with this. We're not going to do this." And it sucks. It's effective, but it sucks going through it.

Jessica: It's effective. It's effective. So were you raised with both your parents?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. And⁠—

Guest: Yep.

Jessica: You knew this was coming. So sorry. So sorry. It's the fucking stellium. It's not me. It's the stellium. So which one of them was the really assertive, aggressive one? Was that your mom?

Guest: It was kind of both of them because they're both Cancers. They're several years apart, but they're one after the other in terms of birth. So Mom's a Cancer, a Cancer Sun, Aries, Moon. Dad's a Cancer Sun, Virgo, Moon.

Jessica: Damn. So did you have a harder time with one of them, or was it with both of them?

Guest: Harder time with Mom. Dad was at least a little bit more grounded and we saw things much more similarly. I pride myself on being logical, whatever that means. But Mom was more emotionally driven.

Jessica: The Virgo Moon that your father has would make more sense to you. It's just logical. But also, even if he's a swirling mass of emotion, he doesn't lead with that, whereas that Aries Moon with the Cancer Sun placement, for sure, is just like, "Feeling action. Feeling action." Of course, having so much Capricorn in your chart, having two Cancer parents, they're likely to have taken a lot of things personally that are just your damn nature. The reason why I ask you this question in this moment of our conversation is because in your childhood, you were taught very firmly and clearly, whether or not it was expressed directly, to hold all of your maturity and your fixed ideas about the world and how things should and shouldn't happen to yourself. So you're supposed to take responsibility for yourself and take care of yourself but not bring it to anyone else, not tell anyone else anything. That makes sense, right?

Guest: Oh, a million and ten percent, because⁠—yeah. I was the one that had to keep their head level and be able to handle everybody's baggage because I'm also the youngest of three. I didn't necessarily have the space to openly be like, "You know what? I'm struggling." It was almost seen as a personal attack, like, "Oh, well, what am I not doing?" And it's not about them. I have my own life and my own struggles. But yeah.

Jessica: It's really interesting because the way that your chart is written is you're supposed to take 100 percent responsibility for yourself, but if you take 100 percent responsibility for yourself, it's somehow seen as provocative or upsetting to other people. It's kind of this no-win situation. And when you were conceived and in the first years of your life, your parents were going through some fucking hard times, it looks like. And it wasn't your mom or your dad; it was your mom and your dad. Their coping method was to not cope, was to pretend it wasn't happening, to push it down.

And this is a really intense thing that shows up in your chart because of your twelfth-house stellium. And somehow, your fucking Saturn ended up in the first house, just sitting there like a big thumb. You know what I mean? Everything else in your chart is kind of hidden; it's kind of submerged. But that Saturn⁠—and so it's like you got to be your mother's⁠—I won't say enemy, but you were her adversary. You were her dad figure. You were her Saturn, basically. What you learned in your childhood is something that you're needing to unlearn now, and it's really painful and goes against your survival mechanisms.

And that thing is taking responsibility for yourself in a way that is self-appropriate is a healthy thing. That's what you're needing to learn now, and that's specifically what you were taught was not true as a child. Your childhood was very confusing⁠—is very confusing. It's like your family and your environment⁠—it wasn't just your parents⁠—were like, "It is a beautiful night outside⁠, bright stars, bright moon." And you're like, "Yes. It's a beautiful night outside. Look at those stars. Look at the moon." They're like, "Why are you saying it's the night? It's clearly the day. Why would you say it's the night when it's the day? Everyone knows it's the day." And it just got real weird. It doesn't look like it got consistently real punitive, but it got real weird after that. Does that make sense?

Guest: Oh heck yeah, because then my middle sister⁠—I think she's a triple Gemini. She would always try to kind of tag along, especially with Mom, especially if Mom and I were having a stark disagreement. So it definitely felt like me against everybody else in the house, and it's like, "I'm literally just making a statement of fact. I don't understand what's going on. How did this devolve?"

Jessica: Right. Okay. So, there, what you just described, is that basically what's been happening at work for the last year and a half?

Guest: Kind of, yeah. I feel like I'm sitting there looking at my coworkers like, "What the hell? What? What? What planet are we on? Oh my goodness." I try very hard to be as clear as possible in my communications, to reach out and be like, "Hey, is this everything that I need to know?" And it just seems like, "Oh, well, why didn't you ask about X, Y, and Z random thing that you wouldn't know anything about?" It's like, "Because I know nothing about it. No. Surprise. I don't know what I don't know." So yeah. It's been like⁠—just kind of wondering what the hell is going on all the time.

Jessica: So there's a couple things I'll say. One is, during the Saturn Return, we tend to find ourselves in situations that mimic our childhood trauma situations. So it's not that they're necessarily the same, but you're in the same position where you're like, "What's real? What's not real? What do I have a right to? And how can I express my needs and my questions or my preferences in a way that actually gets my needs met?" Because I imagine at work and in the situations you're in now, much like in your childhood, you're being totally reasonable. Your Mercury and Ascendant in Saturn are all in Aquarius. You've got hella planets in Capricorn. Totally reasonable.

And people are like, "Ow. Why? That doesn't make sense. You're being mean. Why?" And some of that is because you're working out how to own your space, essentially, in a way that isn't reliant on other people validating you. It's like you giving approval to your own damn self is part of the lesson of Saturn in the first house, but there's another reason why. This part you have a little more control over. It's that there's a reason why people meme Aquariuses to be like aliens or robots. And I myself also have a Mercury in Aquarius and a lot of Capricorn. So I am with you on this.

But finding ways of verbally communicating that aren't just about saying the specific truth but are a little bit more about receptivity⁠—because you want to remember that Aquarius Mercury is a fixed sign. Your Saturn is a fixed sign. So Aquarius is the most open-minded zodiac sign around except for when it doesn't want to listen or change its mind. It's like this super open-minded except for when you're completely close-minded classic Aquarius.

And so part of what I think is important for you overall and developmentally, and in particular now because Saturn is squaring your Ascendant, is considering how you are listening to the emotional and unconscious information people are giving you. You're a fucking forensic psychologist, so I'm guessing this is right up your damn alley. So I say it from a slightly woo place. You say it from a more clinical place, but potato/potäto. So the key here is listening a little bit more to how it is that people communicate, and doing what that twelfth house is and that Pisces Moon is really good at doing, which is kind of reflecting it back to people.

So, if people use a lot of emotional languaging, you don't have to all of a sudden become a Cancer. That's unrealistic. But you can, when writing emails or communicating in general, make an effort to be like, "This person responds well to niceties inserted or emotional signifiers inserted. I can be aware of that because they're likely to not respond as well when I don't." And it's not like you have to bend to other people. That would be a reiteration of trauma from your childhood. But what's confusing to you is you do everything logically correctly, and it doesn't always work, and it's mystifying for you.

And this is part of what that's about, right? It's listening to the information that people share of themselves with you and using it to make them more comfortable so that you can have better communication, which I think you're very good at technically but maybe a little less good at emotionally.

Guest: Yeah. It's definitely been a lesson that I especially had to learn with this past internship because it was a lot of communicating with people, whether they were in distress⁠—because I had actively suicidal callers. I had people just sobbing on the phone with me, and I had people just looking for resources. So just understanding how to meet them wherever they were and knowing, "Okay, so this person really responds well to me showing a little empathy," or, "This person prefers me to just shut up and let them talk," and stuff like that. So it was definitely a huge lesson to kind of learn that in the⁠—thankfully in the internship setting. But yeah. I see it played out.

Jessica: It's the Saturn square to Ascendant that was teaching you that one so aggressively. But here's the thing. You're very good in a crisis. If there's going to be a crisis, I want Saturn/Pluto square people to be in my field. Somebody calling you suicidal in a work environment⁠—not that it isn't hard or challenging for you, but it's in your wheelhouse. You know how to deal with buildings on fire. You grew up in a building on fire. Everyone was like, "I smell no smoke. There's no smoke." But the building was on fire.

That said, where it's more tricky for you is when you're dealing with your coworkers over email at the end of the week. Where it's more triggering for you is when someone is like, "I asked you to do X," and you're like, "I have evidence in front of my face on a computer screen where we both are looking to say you did not," and people just really sticking to how they feel about what they asked you⁠—that's your trigger more.

Guest: That has literally happened, just asking, "Oh, but what about this and this and this?" I received like ten messages in a row. I'm like, "That literally is antithetical to the conversation we had not even two hours ago," or, "Literally, this is the evidence that I did these things. I don't know what else I can do to show you that here's what you need."

Jessica: Right. Okay. So this is good. I mean, this is terrible, but this is also good.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: It's terrible. First of all, I mean, that's just people for you. I don't care what your birth chart is. That's just fucking people, for better or worse, probably worse. But the other thing, the reason why it's good, is because when someone shows you their ass, it's not a reflection on you or your eyes that are perceiving said ass. It's a reflection on them. Why did they choose to show you their ass?

What's really important with this Saturn placement in the context of your Saturn Return is recognizing that some people aren't willing to do the work. They aren't able or willing to participate. And it's not personal, because what you didn't just share, but looking at your chart, I feel like I can infer, is that when these things happen, it drives you to distraction. It's really demoralizing and really upsetting to you; is that correct?

Guest: Oh yeah. It can be, because it falls under the implication that, "Oh, well, you're not doing what I asked," because it had even come up in previous conversations. I was like, "I am. And I can document all of these things," or, "Well, you're not communicating X, Y, and Z. But I do." And it just bounces right off. I've provided explicit examples. I have mentioned it multiple times, and it just⁠—bink⁠—does not get absorbed into the noggin.

Jessica: That was the perfect sound. I knew exactly what you were talking about. The head has a helmet. Just flicked right off. This is an inevitability in life when you work with people. What your Saturn Return is teaching you, kicking and screaming or not, is that as long as you've done your due diligence, you can let it go. And you have, right? Maybe more than your due diligence. You've done a lot. And you can let it go. That's the kind of cool part of this.

And the hard part is that it's really fucking hard to let it go because you feel like you have to prove yourself, and this is partially because objectively, you do⁠—it's work⁠—and then also because this is a trigger from childhood for you. It's like this feeling of, "I have a right to say that it's sunny out when it's sunny out. I actually have a right to this." It's a really deep trigger for you, and it makes you feel this very real loneliness is what it looks like. So okay. Say your full name out loud.

Guest: [redacted]

Jessica: No. That's not your full name, is it?

Guest: I don't even have a middle name.

Jessica: What's your mother's maiden last name?

Guest: [redacted]

Jessica: Why a human child should be linked to the patrilineage over the matrilineage, it makes no sense. And when I look at names energetically, I can see energy. And when I looked at your name, I saw something missing. And then, when you said your mother's maiden last name, I could see more of your energy.

Guest: Are you also potentially picking up on the last name of [redacted]? Mom's had a complicated⁠—

Jessica: Oh, interesting name.

Guest: ⁠—relationship with her family. She was adopted by, technically, her aunt.

Jessica: Okay. Wait. I have to ask you about this. Are you partnered? Are you dating?

Guest: Single as a Pringle.

Jessica: Oh. I didn't know they were singles. I thought they came in big chunks. Okay. Okay. Single as a Pringle. Do you want to date?

Guest: Eventually, but the options out here are kind of rough, and yeah, just COVID, monkeypox⁠—I'm very conscious about that stuff. So eventually, but I'd like to try to be safe.

Jessica: I really appreciate that. Yeah. It's a bonkers time. Have you ever been in a relationship?

Guest: No.

Jessica: Okay. Those were a lot of words you used on me about why you're not dating right now, but I could tell that other part. So, when you do date or crush out, any specific gender or all the genders or some of the genders? What do you like?

Guest: Unfortunately, men.

Jessica: My condolences to you and yours.

Guest: Thank you.

Jessica: You're welcome. You're welcome.

Guest: Oh my God.

Jessica: Men are rough. And Mars in the twelfth house conjunct Neptune doesn't make it easier for you. So your Saturn Return does encompass intimacy, platonic and otherwise. And I'm going to say some shit which you can feel free to dislike, because here's the thing. Work⁠—very stressful. Do we need to talk about work at all? Actually, not more than five minutes. We did because I knew you wanted it, but the reality is you're going to make a difference in the world. I'm not worried about that.

I mean, am I worried about how it's going to feel along the way? Yes. But you're so driven. You're so clear. You're so skilled, and you're so impatient. You're going to make shit happen. You're going to get the job you want. I don't know how long it'll take. That's the problem. People think, "Oh, Capricorn is a patient sign." No. Capricorn is very impatient but has longing. There's a difference, right?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Pulling back. Intimacy. Intimacy. Intimacy. Boundaries are not your forte.

Guest: Oh yeah. Yeah. It's been a work in progress.

Jessica: And it shall be for your days, I imagine. I mean, I think it is for most of us, but twelfth-house stellium, all that Neptunian influence, Saturn in the first is all about rules and rigidity and not so much about boundaries, actually. And then that Moon in Pisces intercept in the first house⁠—all of those things teach major lessons around boundaries. And what's really hard is you don't like being out of control. You don't relish the idea of having a bestie or a date represent you poorly in public. That's a big deal for you. You don't like the idea of being a chump, being in a situation where someone tells you they'll be there at 6:00 and they're not there at 6:00. That is not a Capricorn's happy place or an Aquarius's happy place. But that Pisces Moon will be like, "Yeah, but maybe I should just wait another ten minutes and see what happens," just foiling the rest of your chart's plans.

Guest: Oh my God. Yes. Yes. A million percent.

Jessica: Yeah. It's tough. So I agree with you that Saturn square your Ascendant, Saturn Return in the first house⁠—not the easiest or best time for dating. Some people do successfully get together with someone in this period, but it tends to be more like a partnership and not so much a fun, sexy time. I mean, it can be fun and sexy, but that's not inherently what Saturn is about. But I want to warn you against de-prioritizing vulnerability and intimacy at this important gateway, a.k.a. your Saturn Return, because all of these conjunctions that you've been going through from Saturn, from Pluto, and including your Saturn Return, which is a conjunction from Saturn to Saturn⁠—they are all openings to a new cycle of development.

So the last 27, 28 years has been the cycle you're in. But you're at the precipice of a new cycle. You do want to build a life with someone, and you do need it to be built on trust. Trust is the biggest of all the issues for you. And if you don't trust yourself, it is hard for you to put yourself in situations where inevitably you have to be vulnerable, because then you place all your trust in someone else, even though all⁠—and literally all⁠—of your other instincts are like, "Don't fucking do that." Your heart's like, "But that's the only way." The Moon in Pisces, especially now that it's intercepted here in your first⁠—I kind of think of it as a little bit of a Disney princess thing. You know how the Disney princess, when she gets kissed, her little foot kicks up behind her because it's so romantic and she loses herself?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. So your Moon in Pisces wants that kind of like or that kind of love, and the rest of your chart is like, "What is love except for a choice to show up?" But your Moon in Pisces is like, "It's a feeling that transports you to another place." So it's important to bring all your parts together, and the way to do that that will actually work for you is by building trust in yourself so that when you're in dynamic with a person at work, platonic friends, romance, whatever⁠—when you're in a dynamic with a person, you are not abandoning yourself or giving up authority over your self-esteem to someone else. When you do that, you have to deal with the worst parts of the Pisces Moon where you just kind of feel like a sucker.

And your Capricorn stuff has no bounce back from feeling that way, like none. Your Aquarius⁠—very similar. Does not bounce back. So it's really important that you trust you. Trusting you means you give people⁠—I'm a big fan of three shots, three strikes and you're out. It's a sports metaphor that I don't understand, but I don't care. It's three strikes and you're out. Giving a person⁠—people fuck up. On a first date or second date, people get nervous and they act stupid sometimes. I have. You have. Everyone has. It's about giving somebody three chances but not five chances to screw you over. It's three is my attitude. Now, you might come up with a different number. It's okay for you to have⁠—kind of like you do with work⁠—a sense of, "Well, what are the rules? What are the parameters that I function well within, and what are the parameters that I don't?"

And they need to be flexible in your personal life, but having a sense of self-awareness where you don't defer to the situation or the person, that's what will create a foundation for you inside of yourself, so then when you meet somebody that's exciting to you, you don't throw away all your common sense or grasp too tightly to your common sense, which tends to be either/or for you.

Guest: Most definitely.

Jessica: And the thing that's so tricky about this is that the Saturn Return can be a time where people start to think about family and building a life. And do you want kids?

Guest: Oh, no, no.

Jessica: Okay.

Guest: I'm good. I have two nephews. I love them immensely. I'm good to go.

Jessica: I respect that so very much, so very much. Great. That's a beautiful thing because what that does is it takes away something that so many people struggle with, which is the timeline. There's no timeline when there's no need for kids. So you can partner up whenever it flows for you in your life without any kind of pressure. That said, most humans get stuck in a way of being if we're not actively engaged with our relationship to emotion and vulnerability. So I want to say I don't think you need to be dating or working on this right now outside of building a relationship with yourself that is based on trust.

And it's a theme I want to really encourage you to think about throughout your Saturn Return, so in other words, until the end of your Christ year, a.k.a., your 34th birthday, to really set it as an intention that you're going to not forget that you need to trust you. You need to be a bestie to you. No matter how important the job is, no matter how important the crush is or the whatever is, your relationship to yourself is incredibly important, and it needs to be healthy. And sometimes it is the best thing you can do to make a decision to suck it up or do something that's outside of your boundaries. As long as it's a conscious choice, that's okay. You just don't want to slip into giving away your agency.

This is a major lesson of so much of your chart, but certainly that Saturn in the first house. I imagine as we get a little bit closer to your Saturn Return, this part of the Saturn Return is going to become more of a thing. Whatever idea that you may have that you can't or shouldn't or won't be partnered or have love, I want to disavow you of it. That's too much Capricorn in the birth chart. That's what that is, because you absolutely can have those things if you choose it. You basically are the kind of person who, when you decide you're going to do a thing, you do a thing. You haven't decided that this is the thing you're going to do quite yet. Have you dated at all?

Guest: Here and there, but⁠—and it took me, really, until COVID hit and⁠—because I was working from home, and I'm stuck at home with my parents. And there were a lot of things I had to come to terms with. It took until then to realize what the issue was, and I caught myself repeating patterns of behavior that I did with my family, which was always being the caretaker and the one that has to be on top of everything and the one that puts their needs last and the one that has to go and have that stiff upper lip and yada, yada, yada.

And once that realization hit⁠—because I thought, "Oh, I'm just attracting the wrong people." It was like once that realization happened, it just completely changed me even considering being in a relationship. I need to take my time to kind of figure out who I am and try to establish some sort of boundaries because obviously there's an issue, because I'm repeating the pattern for the course of damn near my adult life.

Jessica: I love that you figured this out, first of all. Congratulations. And second of all, you've probably heard me say this before. I don't know how frequently I say it, but I feel like I say it a lot. I'm a big believer that life is like a game of Deal or No Deal with Howie Mandel. Bear with me, okay? You've seen the show?

Guest: Oh yeah.

Jessica: Okay. I mean, you're Capricorn. I feel like you have to have seen the show, or we'll take away your Capricorn card. Okay. So we participate in⁠—let's say in the situation we're talking about, your relationship's in a particular way. You're doing what most humans do. You're repeating what's familiar in intimate dynamics, even though it makes you miserable, even though you don't want to. And the Universe offers you something a little different, and you get to say, "Deal or no deal." And most of us, if it's too different, say, "No deal." But if it's a little different, we say, "Deal," and then we force our same family trends pattern onto the new relationship dynamic, and it doesn't work. And then it feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So there's two things I want to say out of my stupid metaphor. One of them is part of truly changing through these difficult transits is recognizing when it's the same shit deal and saying, "No deal." So the next guy that you have vibe with, you may find really quickly that he is looking for a mommy or a daddy or he's just way too much of a⁠—what do they call it⁠—fix-it project. And then it's going to be important, no matter how good the chemistry is, no matter how good the other parts are, to say no deal to that.

But the other part is recognizing that no matter what situation you find yourself in, you're you. And you'll have your own history of trauma or whatever. And so it's really important to be able to, again, return to, "What is it that I'm on this game stage for? In other words, what is it that I'm actually here for, and what is it that I need to remember about who I am and how I want to be in dynamic?" And it's really hard for you to not be helpful when you can be helpful, because you're very helpful. And you're very good at seeing what kind of help people need.

So it's about learning to let people struggle on their own. That's actually what it's about for you. It's being like, "Okay. This is his struggle, and I could help. I could help in five minutes what would take him six months to figure out a little bit," but that's part of being a good friend is letting people kind of come to their own thing and recognizing that while you, yes, can help, it's not always appropriate. Sometimes it is. But it's definitely not appropriate the first three months, which if you haven't been in a lot of relationships, is the bulk of your relationships is the first three months. Right?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: So it's really about recognizing your beautiful capacity for help and assistance is something that people can earn, not in a bartered way, but as trust is developed and you understand that they like you for things other than your ability to be helpful and that you like them for things other than the ability to make you feel safe because you're helping them and you know your value when you're helping someone⁠—that's an important piece⁠—once you've established that that's not the core foundation of your union, then you can help more.

And boundaries are easier to create once there's a different kind of foundation. So that's just for you to put in your pipe and smoke it later. You know?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Now, did I answer your core question? Do you have anything else that you would want to ask?

Guest: I guess maybe one other thing that I would like to ask⁠—do I have the spiritual support behind me, like my grandparents and stuff like that? Do they hear me as a⁠—

Jessica: Like are they with you?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: And did you know your grandparents?

Guest: I did. I never met Mom's biological mother, but⁠—I only have one remaining grandparent. That's my paternal grandfather.

Jessica: So there's a lot of layers to my answer. One is your mom's birth mother is a very chaotic woman. Is that what she's told you about her?

Guest: Mom hasn't told me really anything. I got most of my information from my eldest sister because we're almost 20 years apart. So that's primarily where I got my info from.

Jessica: And did you hear that your grandma was kind of a chaotic woman, or not so⁠—

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. Okay, because your grandmother is actually around you. She's the one who steps forward first, but she is very chaotic, very chaotic. She is East Coast thunderstorm chaotic. You know what I mean? Like big weather. You have a lot of spiritual support, not just your blood relatives in the last couple generations. You have a lot of energy around you. I see the value of tapping into some of your blood relatives as a resource for support, but⁠—and I don't want to contradict your spiritual values in any way. I'll just tell you what I'm seeing, and throw it away if it doesn't seem helpful. But I would say that one of your grandfathers who is in spirit looks very supportive and nurturing. Do you know who that is, which grandfather that is?

Guest: I think it would be, I guess, technically Mom's adoptive father. He passed the most recently, within maybe the last five years. And then his wife passed a few years before him, and then it was Dad's mom that passed maybe ten, nine years ago.

Jessica: She's moved on. She's moved all the way on. She's just like, "I did it. I'm done. See you never. I'm out." And it's nothing against anyone. She just⁠—she had her struggles, and she's moved on. Your grandfather was more of a⁠—he wasn't the most verbal guy in the world, eh?

Guest: From what I remember, he seemed very mellow.

Jessica: Very mellow. Yeah. He's actually⁠—if you're panicking, if you're having a stressful time, he's the one I would tap into because he's there, and he's very nurturing. You have ancestors from down your family line on your mom's side that are very focused on you, that⁠—and I don't know names⁠—that are very focused on you and that are very much in support of you. Did you have doctors or people who worked in medicine in your mom's family line?

Guest: I have no idea.

Jessica: I don't think your mom does either.

Guest: I know she doesn't really like to talk about that stuff, and yeah. But it's very piecemeal, what I know.

Jessica: Yeah. I'm definitely looking at women in your maternal ancestral line, and it looks like they worked with herbs or medicine or something like that. So I think I might be looking far down the line. But you have a lot of support, but you're also just very woo. I know you've got a zillion planets in Capricorn, but they're twelfth-house planets. You're very woo. Your access⁠—if you're panicking, you can tap into the Earth. You can tap into the ocean, the stars. You don't have to only work with your ancestors because your ancestors are⁠—they're an interpersonal relationship. And that's sticky for you right now.

And so you might do that and then be like, "Why does it make me feel soothed?" So you might be doing it right/correctly technically, but it might not consistently make you feel better because you're actually right now in the midst of doing some deep transformation with your relationship to your heredity. So it's not about those in spirit, but it's not neutral in the same away as connecting to the Universe or God or trees would be. Were you raised with religion?

Guest: It was very liberal. Dad's Roman Catholic, very Puerto Rican. Mom grew up, I think, Christian, and then she converted to Buddhism. So my parents were just very much like, "We don't care what you believe in. Just believe in something."

Jessica: Find your path. Yeah. Yeah. So, first of all, in your birth chart, you've got this Jupiter in the eighth house in Scorpio trine to your Moon in Pisces in the first, and that is a really classic experience of religion and spirituality. It's permissive and expansive and like, find your way, find your connection to spirit, which is weird. It's in contrast to a lot of other things in your childhood. But that is why astrologically you had that experience. What you're doing is so in the machine. You want to work in government. Well, you have a degree in forensic psychology. These things are all very linear in a way. They're all very analytic and kind of connected to the system. And so your spirituality, which is really big, is something that is, I imagine, very personal, too. It's not necessarily something that you're Instagramming or whatever. It's very personal.

And so I would say that your connection to your ancestors, your guides, the Universe, God⁠—whatever resonates for you⁠—is something that you will develop over the course of your life and I would say is essential for you to make space for because it will improve your mental health in a meaningful way, which is foundational to being able to be in intimate dynamics in a healthy way, whether it's through friends, lovers, whatevers, even your parents. I actually think you do best when your spirituality is quite private, honestly. There is a way that a lot of people do a lot of sharing of their spiritual practices in public, and most lineages are not actually a great fan of this.

There is a real power to keeping some things close to the chest and having a private life. So I think that's great that you honor that about yourself, but I do think that part of what is probably incredibly helpful for you is having things that you can learn from. So maybe you're listening to Ghost of a Podcast, and you're like, "This is where I learn from things. Yay." But over the course of your life, you're going to need many sources because I don't know that being spiritually monogamous is necessary for you.

I think for you, tapping into your connection to that something more that exists, whatever we want to call it, is a really important part of finding your own voice, for lack of a better word, for finding yourself. And doing that through your grandparents, your recent blood relatives, absolutely makes sense for that to be a part of it. But I wouldn't imagine that that's the whole of it for you.

Guest: It's comforting to know that there is a team out there because especially moving down here, it's just me. I don't know anybody. So, even if it's not necessarily the most tangible support group, it's nice to know that I'm not alone.

Jessica: You're not alone. And honestly, now that you tell me that, I'm like, "Well, that makes more sense why your grandmother is the first one there, because she's so chaotic." And you're like⁠—you stepped off a ledge, moved someplace you don't know anyone. And it makes sense why your grandmother would then be like, "Let's fuck shit up. Let's see what happens." You know what I mean? She's definitely the wild card in your ancestral line that I can see. I'm sure there were others because there usually are more than one, but your grandmother definitely feels like a wild card.

And I think what she's trying to get you to do is unmoor yourself, which I would give you more words to if we weren't in a double pandemic. So, first of all, she thinks it's funny how seriously you take yourself because she does not take herself that seriously. I'm just being shown they are going to be just fine. It's like you get worried, and so you take a step back as a way to protect yourself from your worries. Again, let your Saturn Return be the time where you tolerate your worries without stepping back because when you step back, it's like you're stepping into the fear instead of standing firm and letting the fear just move through you.

Emotions are energy. They have motion. They have movement to them. And you don't have to match the movement. Matching the movement is like a childhood trauma for you. It's like everyone's saying it's nighttime out, and you're like, "Well, I don't want to fight, so fine. It's nighttime. Even though I'm getting a sunburn, it's nighttime." This is kind of part of that don't-step-back thing. Your grandmother does not disagree with what I've said, but what she thinks is you should just go out and try to have more fun, which is a weird piece of advice to give to a Capricorn. I'm not going to give you that piece of advice, but that's her advice. Do you dance?

Guest: Oh my God. I used to a lot. Yeah, especially when I was younger, I'd put on a CD and just dance, dance, dance the night away.

Jessica: Yeah. That's what your⁠—

Guest: But these knees are saying no.

Jessica: Oh shit. Okay. Capricorn has come for you. Listen. Your grandmother thinks you should be dancing. I mean, she's just like⁠—you love dancing. So I'm going to agree with her on this, actually. Maybe you're not going to dance the way you did as a 20-year-old or something. You know what I mean? Your knees may say, "We're going to do a different kind of dance." But it's not just because it's life-affirming and makes you like yourself more or differently. But she feels that it's connected to putting yourself out there more. So she actually wants you to go out dancing, but again, double pandemic. I respect you. Also, you're building a career.

But it is the summer, and you could mask up and do an outdoor dance class or event or⁠—those things may exist. And if they do, you can be like a Capricorn twelfth-house lurker⁠—go to them, not participate. Yeah. I see you. I see you. Go to it, don't participate, and then come back a different time and participate if you want.

Guest: I find it hilarious that she would say, "I want you to get out more," because that was pretty much kind of the running theme throughout my entire life because I always was very academics-focused. And it was like, "Okay. Well, this is the role that I have to stay in and study," and yada, yada, yada. And actually, within the last three days, something just came over me. I was like, "You know what? I'm going to start seeing what's out there." I signed myself up for yoga classes and for different events that are outdoors so I can be masked up and far away from people⁠—

Jessica: Yes.

Guest: ⁠—but just things to help me experience this new city that I'm in.

Jessica: Good for you, and⁠ I can't help but wonder if she knew that you were going to get a reading and she's been in your ear, because the second you started asking me about this topic, she jumped in instantly, which⁠—when I said that, I could see the surprise on your face because she's not like the grandparent that you had experience with or anything. But if you've been asking for help, she'd be the one to be like, "Let's go tear shit up. Let's have fun." She does not talk like that. I want to be really clear. She's very uncomfortable that I'm representing her as saying, "Tear shit up." That is not at all how she talks, but it's the easiest way for me to say it. Sorry. That makes her feel a little better.

She's wild and fun and maybe not a great parent, but a great person if you're like, "I want to figure out how to let go a little. I want to get out there and get my flirt on. I want to connect to my body. I don't always want to be working." She is a great resource, and she wants to play with you. She wants to be engaged.

I know you have to get back to work, which again is the most Capricorn thing you could possibly have to do after your reading. But I really want to thank you for doing this with me, and yeah, it's just been such a pleasure getting to meet with you and read with you.

Guest: It was nice to meet you, too. I'm such a fan.

Jessica: Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. Well, now I'm a fan of you, and I'm certainly a fan of the work you're doing and you want to do. Okay. Sending you big Capricorn love.

Guest: Thank you again so, so much. I really appreciate you taking the time to do this with me.

Jessica: It is utterly my pleasure, totally my pleasure.

School boards and lawmakers around the country are banning and challenging books at a pace not seen since the 1980s. The American Library Association tracked 729 challenges to library, school, and university materials and services in 2021. And librarians have even been threatened with criminal charges and jail time in some places in this country for lending out challenged books. You can contact your representatives about this issue by emailing, calling, or tweeting at them. And above all else, buy banned and challenged books. Support the important work of authors who are being banned or challenged, and in the process, support independent bookstores. My favorite bookstore, Marcus Books, is the oldest independent Black-owned bookstore in the country and has a banned and challenged book list on their website. You can go to marcusbooks.com to see this list and to shop, or visit whatever independent bookstore that you love. Support banned and challenged books and authors today.

Strap yourself in. This week, there's a lot going on. But I just want to start off by sharing something I've been thinking about a lot, which is how bananas everything is. And we have only had pocket computers and 24-hour news feeds for a very short amount of time in human history, like very short. And between COVID and now monkeypox⁠—what? A second pandemic?⁠—and watching brutality and war real-time online all the time, dealing with food insecurity, a tanking economy, a climate crisis which is increasingly terrifying, as the billionaire class gets richer and everyone else is struggling to survive, how are we meant to carry on with business as usual? I mean, seriously, how?

The strain that it is taking on our mental, emotional, and physical health is very real. And even if you're the kind of person who tends to focus on the positive and doesn't really pay attention to news, it's got to be an act of will to do that. It's got to be an act of will not be aware of and take in all the bad news that's out there. And I just want to say it's having an impact. I'm seeing it in the questions you send me. I'm seeing it in the world. And I don't have an answer or prediction to offer, but I do have empathy. I've got empathy for you; I've got empathy for me and everybody else, even people who are responding to this uncertainty and fear by being massive dicks.

I've got empathy for us because this is hard. And if your life isn't going the way you thought it would, if you don't feel the way you wish you did, I want to remind you that there is a bigger picture at play. This isn't just you who is struggling. It's not a personal failure to be having a difficult time coping, for your life to have taken a slower or a different turn than you expected. This is happening to us as a collective. And so, yeah, just be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with your progress and your process, and keep in mind that the strain that you're going through, it's not just you; it's all of us. And a lot of us don't talk about this enough. A lot of us put on a brave face and a cute filter and keep on posting, keep on socializing, keep on whatevering. But it's a lot, and it's okay that it feels like a lot. I would even say it's healthy that it feels like a lot. So I don't know. Be kind to yourself and others, okay?

Now, kind of on that tip, I want to share a little bit more about something that I've mentioned once before on Ghost, which is this amazing thing that I've gotten to do at the Oakland Museum. I can't even tell you how thrilling it is for me to be a part of the Hella Feminist exhibit that's happening over at the Oakland Museum. It's opening on July 29th, and BTWs, if you are in the Bay Area, come along on the 29th. It's going to be open for six months, so you'll have plenty of chances to check out the exhibit. But I'm going to be there on the 29th, and maybe you will, too.

Anyways, I created something I'm so thrilled about, which is a portal. And this is something that I use in my personal spiritual practice. If you're a member on Patreon, it's something I've talked about and shared how to create. I created, dare I say, my strongest and best portal ever at the Oakland Museum for this immersive, integrative experience where you can enter into this space which is jujed up, my loves, jujed up, and tap into difficult emotions, painful emotions⁠—grief, loss, panic⁠—and release them into the portal. And there is an audio component of it where you hear my voice talking you through how to do it. Yeah. Come unburden yourself, and whilst you're at it, check out a bunch of cool art. If you're in the Bay and you want to go or if you're just interested in this event, I put a link to get tickets and learn more in the show notes. So bada-bing, bada-boom. Click, click, click.

Okay. Let's get astrological. And I'll start by saying it's Episode 269, and we are looking at the week of July 24th through the 30th of 2022. And this week has a lot. If you're already following along through Astrology For Days or if you listen to my month-ahead horoscope⁠—again, over on Patreon⁠—then you have a sense of what's coming. But I just want to heads-up you this week is squares and oppositions galore. There's some heavy stuff. So, if you're not in the frame of mind to hear kind of heavier astrology, come back to this episode. You know what I mean? Maybe wait for the transcript and read it on my website when it comes out 24-48 hours after the episode itself comes out. But if you're down to get astrological, let's do it.

So the first transit of this week is exact on the 24th, and it's a lovely square. It is a Venus square to Jupiter. This is a great transit because the tension that squares bring between Venus, which is romance, finances, love, beauty, all those kind of good stuff, and Jupiter, which is expansive and adventurous⁠—it's great. Does it have a downside? Of course it does. Everything has a downside. But it's not a heavy downside. It's not a big deal. It's like, may you eat too much delicious foods? May you spend too much of your precious duckets? May you jump headfirst into a flirtation or relationship without really considering consequences? Yes to all of those. But in the realm of difficulties, it's not such a big thing.

This transit is wonderful for feeling yourself, for connecting with people, having really fun or just lovely social experiences. If you need to buy new clothes, this is actually a great time to try things on because even though, yes, you may spend too much money, you're likely to get things that make you feel good in your body or feel good about your aesthetic. So that's kind of cool. It's a great time for first dates and flirt-a-thons if you're in the market for such things. And if you're partnered or not somebody who likes dating or wants to be dating right now, Venus square Jupiter is just as good⁠—it's just great for connecting or reconnecting and feeling the love.

And if you're not about dating or romance or sex, this is still an excellent transit for social connection. And if you really just feel that people aren't cats, and therefore why bother with them, first of all, I hear you, and second of all, this is still a great transit for you. It's a great transit for reconnecting with the big picture⁠—Jupiter⁠—of your values⁠—Venus⁠—of going through your finances and organizing a big-picture approach. It's great for enjoying art, watching a good movie and feeling authentically transported⁠—I don't know⁠—putting together new outfits. It's a great transit is what I'm trying to say. And so find a way to, as intentionally as possible, tap into the energies so that you can make the most of them, if you can, if you're in the market for feeling good.

Okay. So that's on the 24th. Now, on the 26th, things get a little real. Starting on the 26th, we start to feel the exactitude of something that will be full thrust on August 1st. And I mentioned this in the 2022 year-ahead horoscope, which⁠—if you haven't heard it or you want to listen to it, it's in the ticker tape of my website. I mean, you can just look at my podcast feed, but it's also in the tickertape of my website under Pluto Return of the USA. So you can click on that, and it'll bring you to that episode, both the audio and the transcript. So I kind of spoke to it a bit there, and honestly, I've been kind of hesitant to talk about it too much outside of that. But it's here. It is upon us.

So what we're looking at here is a North Node/Uranus/Mars conjunction in Taurus. Have we been feeling this in the last couple weeks of July? Yes, we have. Yes, we have. It's been building up. But really, the 26th through the 1st is when it's in its exactitude moments. Now, it's important for me to name a number of things. The first thing is that yes, Uranus and the North Node meet every approximately 15 years. So conjunctions are transits that spark all manner of things⁠—again, which I'll break down in a second⁠—but they're also the start of a cycle. And this is in a meaningful beginning to a 15-year cycle.

So it's not just that this date is important, the dates of when it's exact, but it's also important to understand the start of a cycle. It's also important to remember that the last time Uranus was in the zodiac sign of Taurus was during the period that spanned the Great Depression and the beginning of World War II. The last time the North Node was in Taurus was in the early 2000s, and this is when lots of things were happening, but within those lots of things, it's when social media really started to become a thing and we developed new ways of using technology for all manner of things, including connecting and creating community.

Uranus and Mars in astrology are the two most reactive and combative planets when it comes to their individuality. The risk is always present when these two planets meet up in any way that we will experience or be exposed to toxic individualism or toxic masculinity. We can certainly expect, and we should certainly expect, disruptions, the unexpected, explosions, and all forms of electric heat. There are many astrologers out there that associate these transits with extreme weather. For me, that's really kind of outside of my expertise. I mean, I'm very interested in weather, but it's not how I use astrology. But it's interesting, and it's especially interesting because we have seen that in the past couple of weeks in a really intense way.

Now, you want to keep in mind that this conjunction⁠—North Node/Uranus/Mars⁠—is happening in Taurus. And Taurus is a fixed earth sign that seeks stability and security. This is an indication that we will see disruptions in regards to gender-based rights, and of course, we all know cis men⁠—they're not struggling for their rights. So it's everyone else. We can also see disruptions in regards to food production or the availability of food, the economy in general, and conflicts based on values. So nothing to see here, right?

We can expect disruptions and upsets in all these areas globally, and we want to also keep in mind that any transit involving Uranus right now is going to effectively trigger the Saturn/Uranus square, which you've heard me talk about so much if you've been listening to the podcast for the past couple of years. That particular transit was active all of 2021 and then a good part of 2022, and it's just come back into orb. So, for the rest of 2022, we're going to be experiencing more of that breakdown of infrastructure that is inevitable with this transit. And it will give more of a paternal, restrictive, or heavy vibe to the transit because Saturn is squaring it. This can be felt in your personal life in many ways, and in the context of the world, it's laws imposed and restrictions enforced. In the context of your personal life⁠—I'll talk about this transit in that context in a minute. We're going to stick with the global stuff for a hot second first.

The risk here with this three-planet or two-planet North Node conjunction is civil unrest. And this could be a response to violence from the state. This could be an increase or presentation of terrorist attacks, domestic or otherwise. And essentially what we have is the risk of toxic individualism and the desperation of people's stability and security feeling threatened with the heat and passion and defensiveness that Uranus and Mars can bring. And this can lead to either individuals or militias feeling entitled to strike, maybe even like they have to strike in order to survive. And because of the nature of these planets, we may also see acts of violence that erupted spontaneously instead of being preplanned. Within that, you play with fire; you might not plan on burning something down, but things get out of control. So these are definitely things we want to be looking out for in this week and in general in this period.

So, within all of this, we've got to be paying attention to our civil rights digitally, and not in any one country. This is a global issue. Governments generally lag behind the progress and development of technology, especially technology developed through corporations who are by and large guided by their own bottom line and their own desire to make money and attain power and not the needs of the people. So, as a result, technology is moving much faster than legislation, if we even trust legislation to be there to protect the populace. We may see some major developments in this regard, for better or worse, through this transit.

And as we've been building up to this transit, we've seen chaos, revolution, the climate crisis spiking. These things are all connected to this monumental transit. And because of all of this, it is certainly possible that we will see the spark that has been lit of civil unrest in many nations to catch fire. That is a risk here. And I certainly wouldn't wish that upon any peoples, and anyone who would, I think, is not thinking about the impact on the most vulnerable amongst us. But business as usual cannot continue. It cannot continue. So something's got to give.

So I've named a bunch of scary and heavy things that this transit can provoke, but luckily, it can also provoke really progressive things in regards to revolution and people coming together to use our collective power to make a change, maybe to force a change. So collective ideas and movements may be birthed in this period or gain traction or cultivate more power. We have the power to come together and build communities that actually provide for the people. We have the power to make change under this transit. The key is to do it together. Again, the risk with Uranus and Mars is toxic individuality, toxic masculinity. And so we want to avoid the urge to make ourselves the main character of everything we do. Listen. You are the main character of your life, but when it comes to collective movements, yeah, we need to work as a collective. We need to come together as a collective.

This transit is powerful and unpredictable by nature. Uranus governs that which is unpredictable. And therefore, the potential for discovery, for innovation of new paths and new ways forward, the potential for accelerated development and healing through this transit, is great. It's huge. But it won't come from seeking dominion over others. It won't come from main character syndrome. It comes from collective movements where we seek liberty and freedom for all, especially the downtrodden, instead of trying to push some people down so that we can get our individual needs or our group's needs met.

Now, I promised to talk about this on more of a personal level. On a personal level, all of the stuff I'm saying applies. There is a great potential for upsets and ego clashes, but within that is the potential for things to get destabilized so you can create a new and better kind of stability, a new and better kind of security. So the key is to have a healthy ego, and a healthy ego doesn't mean no ego. A healthy ego means a balanced ego. It's important in this period to make sure that you are truly listening to others and collaborating with them instead of trying to force your needs or assert your needs and perceptions onto other people.

You may encounter new parts of your sexuality, your ambitions, your relationship to your ego or bravery or your role in the world at-large, your goals for how to engage with the world at-large. And this can be a moment with things suddenly open up or suddenly change or suddenly shut down. It's unwise to do anything terribly rash, even though this energy is going to make you want to. You may have to deal with other people who just did some weird shit. They didn't think it through, and they did some shit, and you have to deal with it. Again, Mars and Uranus are both related to explosives so, yes, that is literally bombs and guns, but it's also explosive energies, like big reveals, passion, that kind of stuff.

Because of this, this transit can coincide with accidents, especially if it hits your birth chart directly. This is happening at 18 degrees of Taurus. So check out your birth chart and see if you have anything at 18 degrees of a fixed sign because that will be a particularly lit-up point in your birth chart. And you want to make sure that you do not get into accidents. So, if you're feeling angry or frustrated or just really activated, be particularly careful with your body, also with your mouth. Make sure you don't say shit that you don't want out there, because once it's out there, you can't take it back. It's like there is the Wayback Machine on the internet. But when you say things to people, they can live in their minds forever. That's just how that goes.

This is a great time for getting weird in the bedroom if you can do so safely and consensually, of course, and keeping in mind, of course, we have a new pandemic, monkeypox. So be especially careful. But it's a great time for getting weird, for getting sweaty. So do it alone, do it with partners, whatever works for you. But it is always a good idea to find a way to viscerally express Martian energies. So dance in your bedroom, sing really loud, get sweaty⁠—whatever. Mars likes all of it. Mars is going to take whatever you give it. So, yeah, there's that.

And this particular transit is scary. It has the potential to be scary, anyways. But part of why it's scary is because change is scary. And being destabilized, which is Uranus's whole thing⁠—it governs destabilization⁠—is scary, but we need to have things destabilized in order for them to change. And change is an essential part of creating progress, of improving things. So, if you're somebody who doesn't like change⁠—of course, this is happening in a fixed sign, a zodiac sign that does not like change⁠, probably the sign that likes change the least in all the zodiac, Taurus. If you have a relationship to change where you kind of instinctively greet it with resistance, then this is a great opportunity for you to reconsider. Try to build a different muscle, a little bit more of a flexible muscle. You don't have to get it perfect. You don't even have to get it good. You just gotta try. Just try. And sometimes the best learning opportunities come through your fuck-ups. So be humble and present enough to be able to learn from what isn't working.

Now, if you thought that was a lot, oh, well, that's too bad because I got more. On the 26th, we have another exact transit, and it is a Mercury square to Mars. So, on the 26th, Mars is at 15 degrees and Uranus and the North Node are at 18. So the Mercury square to Mars is not exactly square to Uranus yet. And Mercury square to Mars is irritating. It's irritating. When this transit occurs, you're likely to be super annoying or super annoyed or, most likely, both. And is this bad news in the context of the transit I just told you about? Fuck yeah, it is. It is bad news because people are more likely⁠—and you, of course, are included in people. We are all more likely to be defensive, irritable, aggressive, sharp in the way we communicate. We are more likely, therefore, to take things personally and act out.

This transit is just straight-up annoying. It's annoying. It would be very easy for you to tell yourself that people are out to get you and that somebody is gaslighting you, attacking you, and I don't know; maybe they are. Seriously, maybe they are. But I want to encourage you to slow down because Mars heats everything up, and Mercury is your mind, your attitudes. It's communication. You may be having a really strong reaction to something someone said or wrote or the way they gave you a side eye. And your reaction may be adding fuel to a fire that would put itself out if left alone.

Choose your battles very wisely, very wisely. And know that you're likely to be irritated, and so is everyone else. It's just annoying. So, again, be careful around having accidents. You want to be really aware of your energy so you don't do something that has some sort of disruptive impact on your life or on others. And try to be aware of your ego. When we have a maladjusted ego⁠—in other words, when it is too aggressive or not aggressive enough, when is too big or not big enough⁠—that's when we're most likely to have a difficult time under challenging Mars transits like this one, or like these ones.

And so this is a great time for you to get some feedback from le Universe about where your ego is set. Do you need to strengthen it? Do you need to give it a cold shower or something? No value judgment. You don't need to judge yourself for where you're at, where you're coming from. It's just about finding ways of being like, "All right. This is where I'm at. And what do I want to do about it? What can I tolerate to do about it?" Keep in mind if you're having a rough minute and you're asking other people for help, they may not have the energy because Mercury square Mars is also really busy. It's a busy transit. And again, the overlap of these transits is not going to make anything more chill. It's not going to make anyone feel less irritable, less busy, less triggered, whatever it is.

So it's not going to last forever. You know what the weather report says. The weather report says weird storms full of lightning and thunder and rain, and maybe it's really hot, or maybe it's not. Nobody knows. It's a weird weather report. So prepare for it to the best of your ability. Part of preparing for it is knowing that you can't completely prepare for it. You can only respond to the best of your ability when shit gets weird.

That brings us to our next transit. And this one⁠—not so bad. Not so bad. I'm so happy to tell you that. On the 27th, Mercury forms and exact trine to Chiron. This transit fosters willingness to work on things, a willingness to mentally or verbally⁠—to communicate with others or to think about things that are difficult, things that are challenging and triggering, which⁠—pretty good timing, wouldn't you say? This transit is really lovely. And while it can still bring up heavy themes or difficult conversations, what the astrology of this week⁠—I mean, cool. Whatever. It certainly strengthens our willingness and ability to get real with people, to get real with ourselves, to change our minds, to kind of excavate some of our triggers and to work with or on them. This is a great thing.

Now, if things are real sideways⁠—they're really just not working for you⁠—your best move is to choose a little introspection. Spend time in a little place called "me." You know what I mean? In other words, what I want to encourage you to do is reflect on what you're thinking, on what your logic is, on whether or not you've listened to other people's perspective, even if you think their perspective is stupid or they're wrong. Have you actually tried to understand what the other person or the other people are feeling, what they're thinking, what they've expressed to you? It's a huge part of communicating. It's listening, and it's taking in information so that you can process that information. It's not easy. None of this stuff is exactly easy. But the Mercury trine to Chiron is really helpful in the context of this week's astrology. So it might just be a little wind beneath your wings, but it's a nice wind. So hopefully now you know it's there; you can kind of use it a little bit more.

Okay. Now, that brings us to the 28th. So, on the 28th, we have two exact transits. The first one is a New Moon in Leo. Yes. On July 28th at 10:55 a.m. Pacific Time, we have a New Moon in Leo at 5 degrees and 38 minutes. And on the same date, we have a Mercury square to Uranus. Okay. So giddy-up. New Moon in Leo is an excellent time. I mean, who doesn't want a New Moon in Leo? Maybe the answer is Taurus. A New Moon in Leo can be a life-affirming, buoyant time where we tap into our emotions and our intentions and we have the capacity to be in alignment with those two things. And so you're going to see lots of astrologers, or astrology websites or whatever accounts, talking about, "All your dreams will come true. The New Moon of possibility."

And yeah, I don't personally see it happening that way. That is because this New Moon is happening in the context of the rest of the astrology. We do have the Uranus/North Node/Mars conjunction. It's not exact, but my God, it's very close. And it is all being squared by Mercury. So Mercury square to Uranus but more loosely square to Mars, and not very loosely. We are still under the influence of the Venus/Jupiter square⁠—yay⁠—but also feeling the effects of the Venus/Chiron square⁠—nay, or rather, boo. Also, Saturn and Uranus are square, and as you know, Mercury and Uranus are square. So that means⁠—yeah, you guessed it⁠—Mercury and Saturn are opposite each other.

Okay. Don't worry. I'm going to break all this down. Here's the upshot. You may be in a really negative frame of mind and feeling like you're chafing at it. So we may see, as an example, mask mandates reimposed in many of the places that have taken them away. We may see some sort of restrictions imposed that actually are for your freedom that make you feel like you have less freedom. And the key is, can you cultivate an objective enough frame of mind to perceive what is happening, or will you stay in a reactive state? Or you may be a living angel, but you're still going to be around other people who are dealing with this and maybe not dealing with it gracefully. So other people may be acting out or feeling really trapped and defensive, even if you yourself are not. And again, this is particularly impacting people who have fixed signs in the birth chart. So we're talking about Leo, Aquarius, Taurus, and Scorpio. Those are the fixed signs.

So we may have disagreements, misunderstandings, unexpected reveals or changes in any area of our lives, but because of the Venus component as well as Mercury, we can certainly expect this to be impacting our relationships. So you might be going through a bananas time at work or really panicking about the climate crisis, or you suffered some sort of setback or are dealing with some sort of frustration, and you're having a moment. And it might have nothing to do with your relationships. But when you feel shitty, it's more likely that you'll act shitty, consciously or unconsciously. And then, if someone else is also having a shitty day or is just done with dealing with other people's shit, they may have a conflict.

So, again, it is important to know that when things come to the surface, they do so not to torture you but so that you can cope with them. So finding ways of being forthright and humble is really important. For so many people, it is far easier to express needs or boundaries in an angry or defensive way or to express no needs and no boundaries and be really nice. And so this New Moon will offer us opportunities to get better at expressing our needs and limits. And those opportunities may come in the package of a pain in your sweet little buns, but it's still an opportunity and one worth making use of.

The ways that you experience and engage with frustration and feeling blocked or in any way trapped is likely to get triggered this New Moon. Luckily, it's a New Moon in Leo, so even though, yes, it's a fixed sign, it's also a sign that is all about courage. So tap into heartfelt courage, and not in a defensive way if you can avoid it, but in a way that literally is in alignment with your heart. That's the best-case scenario for this New Moon and one we should all be making an effort to experience and enjoy.

Jupiter is forming a trine to the New Moon, so the potential for us to make use of the positive potential here is really strong. But I feel that it would be idealistic to ignore that Uranus/North Node/Mars conjunction or the Mercury/Saturn opposition in this chart. Those things keep our attention focused on what is difficult and even on scarcity, and that sucks. It's difficult. On top of it, the Mercury square to Uranus is disruptive. It's stressful. And it can incline us to blurt things out or make choices that are spontaneous and not necessarily in our best interests.

So a lot of this New Moon is about impulse control and making sure that you are acting in ways and holding things in your internal world in ways that are life-affirming and that align with your values instead of your fears because, as you know, fixation on fear is like a prayer for what you don't want. And we're not doing that in 2022. That's like a 2016 thing. We are not doing that in 2022. Actually, a lot of us are. We're doing it. But we have a great opportunity in this New Moon in Leo to make a shift, make a change, destabilize things so that they can achieve a greater form of security and stability.

It's important to keep in mind that this New Moon in Leo July 28th is happening in this period of intensity. Now, again, the conjunction of Mars, Uranus, and the North Node is in its perfect exactitude August 1st⁠—I would say July 31st through August 2nd. But we're very much in it right now. And because of that, what we're seeing, what we're experiencing now in our personal lives and in the world around us⁠—this is a harbinger for what's to come in a very real way. So what control do you have over the world? Not so much. Maybe some, and please do exercise it to the best of your ability. But what you do have control over is how you respond to your emotions, what intention you bring, your willingness to do the work in your life. And that's something you can be aligned with.

Now, that brings us to the last exact transit of this week, and that, my friends, is a Mercury opposition to Saturn⁠—yes, the thing I mentioned in the New Moon chart. So this transit is likely to put you and everyone else in a pretty serious frame of mind. In fact, Mercury is your mind and your thoughts and your friendships, while Saturn is restriction and scarcity. Therefore, we can find ourselves really fixated on a negative track of thinking. We can experience depressiveness. The reason why this happens is because of Saturn's tendency to focus on scarcity, what we don't have. And so comparing yourself to others, comparing yourself to where you think you should be or where you thought you would be⁠—this shit is just a waste of your precious energy. It really is. Other people's success or failure does nothing for your success or failure. Where you're at is simply that: it's where you're at. It's where you're starting from.

The positive potential that we should do our best to make use of when it comes to this transit is humility. Being able to stay present with things that are maybe hard to stay present with is aided by a willingness to experience humility. So you may need to contemplate. You may need to acknowledge harm you've created or mistakes you've made. And that doesn't mean you're a harmful person or a failure. We can make mistakes. In fact, we all make mistakes all the time. No one amongst us is perfect. We all struggle. We all have insecurity. We all experience fearfulness and problems and failure in life. Learning how to cope with those experiences is really important. It really is. This transit can be an opportunity to cope with those things in a productive way because, again, Saturn governs productivity.

This is not a great time to end things, so cancel contracts⁠—cancel or sign contracts, actually⁠—end relationships, any of that kind of stuff. Not a great time for it, because your negative frame of mind or the negative frame of mind that the people you're dealing with are in can get in the way of your progress. It is not a great time to ask for something from someone else because everyone's under the influence of this transit. And if I'm in a state of scarcity, then I'm not going to want to give you something extra, probably. So time your requests wisely, if you can, by avoiding it, honestly, this week. And if you can't avoid it this week, try to put it closer to that Venus square Jupiter and further from the Mercury opposition to Saturn, which includes don't do it on the New Moon, where the transit is practically exact.

If you find yourself fixated on friendships or projects that didn't turn out the way you wanted them to, again, try to learn from whatever it is that you're fixating on, from whatever story you're telling yourself. If you find yourself dealing with people in a way that's painful or stressy, don't try to win. Don't try to win. Just try to listen and be authentic in what you share. That's your best move. Mercury opposite Saturn is⁠—it's a depressive, heavy frame of mind. It's a rough transit in many ways. But Saturn has energies that can be leveraged, and those energies are around, again, productivity, responsibility, humility, showing up, doing what you say you're going to do.

So, if you've been putting off a bunch of things and it's just been getting to you, yeah, try to do it around the New Moon, around this date⁠—so, again, around the 28th through the start of next month. Now, that might be interrupted by this Mars/Uranus/North Node mishigas. But the Mercury opposition to Saturn actually can be quite grounding in the context of all this chaotic, upsetting, unpredictable energy. You just don't want to ground into fear or scarcity.

So, my friends, my loves, my nerds, that's your horoscope. I'm going to run through the transits one more time. On the 24th, we have an exact square between Venus and Jupiter. On the 26th, we have an exact square between Mercury and Mars and the onset of the exactitude of the North Node, Uranus, and Mars conjunction in Taurus. On the 27th, Mercury forms an exact trine to Chiron. On the 28th, we have a New Moon in Leo, and that's exact at 10:55 a.m. Pacific Time, and an exact square between Mercury and Uranus. And then, finally, on the 30th of July, we have an exact Mercury opposition to Saturn. Huzzah. And that, my friends, is your horoscope.

As always, if you want to support the work or learn more with me, join me over on Patreon. On the 1st of every month, I drop a bonus episode of Ghost, and it's a month-ahead horoscope so you can prepare for the days and weeks before you. So join me over there. And if you get value from the podcast and you're just not a Patreon kind of person, it would mean ever so much to me if you would hit the Subscribe button wherever you listen to podcasts. Give the show five stars, and write me a kind review.

Okay, my loves. I know this was kind of a heavy download. I hope it is helpful for you and that you stay safe out there and that you meet the energy of these times with fortitude and strength. I'll talk to you next week, and if you're in the Bay, maybe I'll see you on the 29th. Okay. Bye-bye.