Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

Jessica: I welcome you to the podcast. What would you like to ask about today?

Guest: Sure. So I'm 35, and for as long as I can remember⁠—since I was six or seven years old⁠—I've struggled with saying goodbye, the idea of things ending, and just the general concept of death itself. And when I was younger, it manifested as fear and anxiety. And as I've gotten older, I've sought out therapy, and spirituality has really helped. And even just having a busier life, the fear and anxiety has dissipated. But the grief is still very much there. When it comes to life transitions, I really struggle with it. Whether it's moving to a different city or passing of a loved one, I would grieve very intensely for weeks, for months, and I think for a lot of people around me, it feels like a very sensitive topic for me and maybe sometimes an overreaction.

The interesting thing is that even when my life is great⁠—there's no change; there's no disruption⁠—I still feel this underlying sadness that this will end one day and that we're all going to die. The people I love will pass away. And I know this is something that I'm sure so many people on this Earth think about and experience, but for me it feels very much on the surface and something that I think about very easily. So I'm curious if you see anything that can help me understand this part of myself and any guidance on how to let go of this current attachment to whatever iteration of my life is going on at this time.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. This is very real. And of course, both as an astrologer but also as a medium, I'm very interested in this topic. So I want to just ask you a couple orienting questions here. Is your fear of death bigger than your fear of transitions, or are they kind of the same? Is there one bigger than the other?

Guest: My fear of death is the ultimate fear, so it's the biggest one.

Jessica: Okay. And are you scared of dying or of being dead?

Guest: I'm scared of losing the people around me and losing life. So it's not so much that I'll die one day but that I won't have whatever this is in front of me.

Jessica: And is that because of how much you love what this is?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. So it's not netted in a fear of what's next. It's more netted in a love for or attachment to what is.

Guest: That's right.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. That's really good. That's great information. And do you have any kind of spiritual convictions around what happens after death?

Guest: No. I'm very drawn to spirituality. I'm very drawn to leaders and people who think a lot about this stuff and just different resources related to spirituality, but I have not found the one thing that's really grounded me or something that I could really believe in. So I'm kind of continuously looking for spaces, but I don't have a particular religion where I've completely committed to.

Jessica: Yeah. That makes sense. That makes sense. Okay. So thank you for sharing that. And then can I share your birth info?

Guest: Sure.

Jessica: Okay. So you were born December 24th, 1986, at 7:02 p.m. in Paramount, California. Okay. There's so much to talk about with this topic, and I do see it in your chart. I'll say the second that I read your chart⁠—and this is just a tiny aside but fun fact about me. I never pay attention to Sun sign. When I'm looking at people's questions, I'm really bad at being like, "Oh, this is a Capricorn," because I read your question; I was like, "Oh, this person has a lot of Sagittarius in her chart." And actually, is she/her your pronouns? I forgot.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. Cool. So I thought to myself, "This person has a lot of Sagittarius in her chart." And I'll tell you why in a minute, but⁠—spoiler alert⁠—you do. So, yes, you are a Capricorn, but very, very Sadgey. And the reason why that was my first instinct is because Sagittarius⁠—the stereotype we have is that it's a positive, optimistic sign, right? But the shadow side of Sagittarius⁠—and you've got Saturn, Mercury, Uranus, all in Sadge, plus you've got Jupiter and Mars conjunct in the eighth house. The shadow side of Sagittarius or Jupiter is this feeling of "Everything is good, but there's more. Yes, this moment is great, but there's going to be another moment."

Guest: Yep.

Jessica: And it's this form of depression that is not classic depression. It's not like classic Capricorn "I feel bad. The world is shit." It's more "I feel bad because I know that there is bad, but there doesn't have to be bad."

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. And this is a spiritual condition. It is a spiritual condition that, from my perspective, is a result of being so attuned to what could be that it's hard to stay present with what is.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: And so, before we get any deeper into any of the things, creating a practice around being present is the move. And I'll say lots of other things, and I might even give you homework, but that's the move. That's the thing. Have you worked on that in your spirituality or with your therapists or whatever?

Guest: Yes. It's the only thing that works. I try to think my way out of it. I try to come up with some big-picture solution, but at the end of the day, it's just about being in the moment.

Jessica: It is.

Guest: And I'm still, I think, seeking that big answer that's going to make sense of it all. But time and time again, the moments I've found peace is when I'm in the moment.

Jessica: In the moment. And so let's talk about why you're seeking the answer. In your birth chart, you are a Capricorn, but you have a Sun/Neptune conjunction in the sixth house. This conjunction can make a person a little susceptible to people who promise you an answer, religious systems that promise you of being absolved. So it can kind of make you susceptible to cults and cult leaders. And the reason why is because this aspect in the birth chart can incline you to wanting a perfect, pure answer.

Guest: Yes. Yes. It's a little meta because before this call, I was thinking, "Don't make our reading the answer to everything."

Jessica: Thank you. Yes. Yes. I mean, and that's hard. I mean, it is your nature to be like, "I am water, and I will pour myself into this glass. Maybe this glass will make me feel safe. It will make me feel whole." And that's Neptune's mishigas. It's almost like you don't need to be responsible for yourself and how you feel and how you function if there's an answer.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: Yeah. And Sagittarius can kind of fuck with that, too. So, because you have all of these things happening in your birth chart, there is a way that you can want to find an answer so that you can find peace. And when you find peace, everything will be lovely. And when everything's lovely, you will never worry about death or endings in general. Right?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: That's the thing. So this is the problem with all that Sagittarius and with Jupiter in general. It's like, "When I find the thing"⁠—whatever the hell that means⁠—"everything will be rosy and perfect and lovely. And because I haven't found that thing, I am suffering and others will suffer." What I'm describing, it starts to sound a little like magical thinking. I imagine that you don't have the psychological disorder of magical thinking, but you flirt with magical thinking a fair amount.

Guest: Right. Yeah. Right.

Jessica: And so this is where an Earth-based or a grounded, pragmatic, sixth-house Sun in Capricorn kind of spiritual practice is going to be the most important and the most effective for you, because there is in life action and consequence, and then there is in life complete mystery and everything is out of our fucking hands. And they're both true, and that's going to drive you bonkers.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: But they're both true. Most of the time⁠—in my view⁠—most systems or people who are promising you a perfect answer cannot be trusted because there is no perfect answer, especially not to life. Life is bullshitty. I mean, I don't want to pursue Capricorn-on-Capricorn violence here, but life is hard.

Guest: Yeah. Life is hard.

Jessica: Life is hard. And you will have good hours and shit hours and good years and shit years. And in the shit years, and amazing things can happen, and in the good years, terrible things can happen, and on and on. What you have been seeking is safety and assurances from the outside to make your insides feel better, when what you need is to cultivate a presence and a relationship with yourself where you have confidence in your ability to respond and to handle shit.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: And that is very hard to do before the age of 35.

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: It is very hard to do before the age of 35. And the cool thing is at around 35, we go through a Saturn transit. Even though I've been doing what I do for a living for many years⁠—since I was very young⁠—I always have felt that when I turned 35, that was when my life really began. That's when shit really clicked because something happens where you're just like, "Oh. Oh, this is what life is. This is who I am." Have you been experiencing that this year?

Guest: Yes. Yes.

Jessica: It's classic of this age. Somebody hearing this when they're in their 20s is going to be like, "Oh no. I'll be so old."

Guest: That's a long time.

Jessica: But it's not. It's really not. It's just how long it takes to get to know yourself, for most of us. And even those of us who really know ourselves⁠—something changes in the mid-30s. With this, I want to say that life will throw you curveballs. Some adjustments will be improvements. Some adjustments will be neutral. And some adjustments will suck. You'll deal because the irony in this is you're very good at dealing with things. You're not good at dealing with things when you're imagining them happening, but when things are actually happening, you're great.

Guest: Yeah. I think that's one of the things that's helped me manage the anxiety, is just life experience, knowing that I've done it before, I've gone through things before, and that I'll continue to figure things out. And change happens, and it's been good; it's been bad. And I get stuck in that tension, and I think it's something that will always be there. But I do think, like you said, as I've approached, maybe, 35 or just gotten older, that I feel more confident in just focusing on what is and not what could be.

Jessica: It's kind of ironic that you've developed more confidence and ability to do that during a terrifying pandemic, right? It just goes to show that it is not your circumstances that define your ability to cope. That's not actually the thing. It's that when you're thinking about the risk of having to cope, you panic. When shit gets on fire, you're good.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: And that kind of clarifies the problem. The problem is psychological, emotional, spiritual. It's not material. You tell yourself it's a material problem, but it's actually more of a mental problem, which isn't better or worse. But it is clarifying, which brings me to some other shit. Okay? Let's do a damn thing.

Guest: I'm ready.

Jessica: I know you are. I know you want me to do this. So did both of your parents⁠—are they American? Did they immigrate from somewhere?

Guest: Yes, my dad immigrated from Hong Kong, and my mother immigrated from Taiwan.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. I ask this because you've got Pluto in the fourth house, and it's square to the Ascendant. You've also got that Jupiter/Mars conjunction in the eighth. I could actually name a few other things in your chart, but let's just start there. What this indicates is that one or both of your parents left something behind. They left things behind that they meant to leave, that they really wanted to leave behind, and they left behind a lot of things that they didn't want to leave behind. Does this make sense to you?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Was that both of them or just one of them?

Guest: Both of them.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. And their relationship to control and safety is very tenuous.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: It's not great. And their way of handling it was different from each other. Your mother's way was different than your dad's way. But the thing they had in common was hold on for grim fucking death. You hold on tight because you can't trust outside. You can't trust outside systems. You can't trust communities. You have to become self-reliant. Otherwise, everything can fall apart at any moment. And they don't just have that thought; they've had that lived experience.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: You haven't, but they have.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: So this is where we see the articulation of both an epigenetic issue⁠—right? It's in your DNA. It's in your genes, this lived experience, because your parents experienced it, and that's how epigenetics work. But it's also psychological and emotional because you were raised by these people with these values and these experiences. And so it's really important to be able to sit with this. And I just need to pull myself back and say, as I'm saying this to you, I can see energetically a couple things are happening for you. Part of you, like the analytic part of you, is leaning in. You've thought about this stuff. You've talked about this stuff. This is actually an interesting topic to you.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: And then there's an emotional part of yourself that is pulling away. And the emotional part that's pulling away is doing so because you were raised to protect your parents and their privacy.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: And we're getting into a topic that's not exactly yours. It is 150 percent yours, and it's not.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: Yeah. And this is not uncommon, I think, for children of immigrants or for families that are raised in communities that are not completely their own communities, this feeling of "I have to protect my family, and I have to protect how they come across." It's like it's such a burden, and it's really heavy.

Guest: Right. Yeah.

Jessica: And your chart articulates this.

Guest: Yeah. I was doing a mental calculation as you were talking about wanting to affirm a lot of what you said because it's 100 percent true, but trying to be careful about casting them in a particular light and not revealing too much. So that's 100 percent where my mind was going. And it's true I grew up with a lot of fear and anxiety and just this general sense that bad things were going to happen at any moment. And I think it is reflective of how both of my parents grew up around a lot of uncertainty and some chaos, too.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. It looks like they grew up around violence.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: And the violence wasn't just in their individual environment. It was a violence that was out of control, that was in the larger world.

Guest: Right. Right.

Jessica: And they very much imparted to you⁠—not inaccurately⁠—that anything could go wrong at any moment, and you would have no control and suffer.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: And they're not wrong. I mean, I had a similar upbringing. I'm not going to tell you that's wrong. That shit's not wrong. That's right. I think they're right. I think your worries are fair.

Guest: The end.

Jessica: And we're done. Have a nice night. Yes. Exactly. But I do think that there's layers on which to cope with this⁠—and we're not going to get into your parents' story, but it is important that we touched on the fact that you pulled back, because this is part of what gets in the way of you getting into healing this for yourself, because you're protecting them, I imagine, when you're talking with a therapist alone, not just when you're having a reading on a podcast or whatever. But there is a way that your survival mechanism kicks in to protect them, and that is not a bad instinct, but it does come at the expense of understanding yourself. And it is not a betrayal of them to be different than them in this way. But on a deep, unconscious survival mechanism level, they think it is, and you think it is.

Guest: Yeah. Even internally, not talking to somebody else, when I have a thought that⁠—it feels harsh, and it feels like I'm being unfair. And these are just thoughts within myself, and I've had to kind of figure out how to say something that's kind of negative that happened to me growing up without the immediate, "But they went through a hard time," or, "But they came to America and all this stuff happened to them." It's hard to just let it sit with, "Okay. This is kind of a bad thing that happened when I was a kid."

Jessica: I will say if there's any reason to be in therapy, it's this. It's not your anxiety. It's not your fear of transition. If you work on this, then those things change. And it's the last thing you want to work on. I mean, listen. I look at your chart, and I do absolutely see⁠—and we're not going to get into details. You know your parents' story, right?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: You know your own childhood. But I can absolutely see the terror that they lived with, and I see the losses they endured, and I see the ways in which it inspired them to do more, create more, be more, and the ways it made them hard and shut down and become cruel to themselves and sometimes the people that they loved the most.

Guest: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: There's no value judgment on that. It is what it is. But if you do not give yourself the grace of having your own lived experience and your own story, then you're going to unintentionally do exactly what they don't want for you, which is to essentially live their trauma. They do want that from you because they want you to be able to identify with them. They want you to be safe. And also, they definitely don't want that for you. It's complicated because humans are so fucked up and complicated.

Guest: That's right.

Jessica: It's terrible. But if you are in therapy, are you in therapy with somebody who has a similar cultural or racial background from you?

Guest: I have been in the past. Mm-hmm.

Jessica: It might be easier to talk about this stuff with someone who has a similar background.

Guest: Right. Right.

Jessica: Certainly somebody who is from immigrants who had to struggle. That would be a lot easier because this instinctive foundational impulse that you have to protect your family at all costs from outsiders⁠—it's not going to go away. I don't encourage you to get rid of it, but it's more about having a more flexible relationship with it. And so that's my vote for exploring that, whether it's with your current therapist or finding someone else. If you really love your therapist, stick with your therapist. But that's something to experiment with because Pluto in the fourth house is a really difficult placement. It means all the things I said about your family, but it also means that you didn't feel safe at home.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: And not feeling safe at home is not very uncommon. Maybe it's more uncommon to feel safe at home. I don't know. Maybe. I don't know.

Guest: Yeah. I like to think that.

Jessica: I mean, I don't know. I don't know.

Guest: Everyone's like this.

Jessica: Exactly. But this Pluto placement⁠—it communicates that you imprinted their trauma in a very dramatic way, dramatic to you. So, whether or not there was great trauma in your childhood⁠, which⁠—it looks like there was some trauma in your childhood. Regardless of that, you just really resonate with their trauma and with the parts of their story they have and the parts of their story that they have not told you, because they have not told you all the parts, and it's very obvious to you, eh?

Guest: Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting that you say that, because I do spend a lot of time imagining what it's like in their situation. Even, like you said, in situations where I don't know their past, I would spend time thinking about the different possibilities and what types of hardships that they've been through. And I didn't even think about my parents with this, and they also have fear around death. They've been really strongly attached to a lot of things. And I have a sister, and I think she kind of more or less has a lot of this energy, too.

Jessica: This is a huge thing in your chart. And you wouldn't need an astrologer to tell you that, but it is written in your chart. And it's not something I'm encouraging you to get rid of or shake, because it's part of who you are. But if you don't explore it and practice tolerating it a little more⁠—not the ideas and the stories, because that you do a lot of, but feelings⁠—then you will unintentionally end up carrying that trauma with you through your life even though they did their best⁠—whether they did it well or not is a different conversation, but they did their best⁠—to not have you have that experience. Does that make sense?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: You are really woo. You're pretty woo. And so, in those moments where you're not activated around all the stuff we've been talking about, you have faith, not that everything's going to be lovely, but that you can kind of ebb and flow with things.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: You do. So I will say that's yours. That is who you are. I will also say that part of your nature came to you from parents who found a way out of really scary situations, and they did create a much better life here. They're doing quite well on the outside.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: It looks like they're doing great. Yes, they live in constant terror that they'll lose it. Yes. That's their shit. But you don't only have this model of things being scary and dangerous. You also have the model of choices can be made that will, over the course of time, improve your conditions and make you feel good. Within this, I want to say you're exactly where you should be right now. I mean, you're suffering; I'm sorry. But you're in the right place with your suffering because it's empowering you to do this work, to explore these concepts, so you can make changes. And there isn't a magic [indiscernible 00:24:30] answer to this, but there is a way that you can engage with your different parts so that you can achieve greater flexibility with your rigid parts and a little bit more patience and presence with your restless parts, and find a way to honor the privacy of your family or your parents, to honor your family legacies and your cultural epigenetic history, and also who you are, where you are, and the choices that you want to make here and now, because⁠—okay.

You've got this North Node conjunction to the Midheaven in Aries, and this is a very strong story. And what this story is is that you have come here in this life to figure out who the fuck you are, which means you did not come here inherently knowing it or finding this easy, and to create a material life⁠—and I don't mean material like money; I just mean not just a spiritual life, like a life path⁠—that is a reflection of who you actually are. And so kind of working with and breaking through a lot of the stuff we're talking about is a part of that journey. You've probably heard me say before on the podcast I don't ever expect anyone to embody their North Node before the age of 40. That's not how birth charts work in my view. This struggle you're having is the struggle you need to have in order to get to that place.

Guest: I think a lot of this tension is⁠—it does come from a place where there's uncertainty. It's just a little overwhelming just thinking about it all. And I feel like this calling for finding myself my entire life⁠—and it has been a struggle to kind of weed out what's from my parents, what's from society. And I do feel like I have a strong sense of myself, but it's just kind of wrapped up in a lot of things. And so all this makes sense that that's the path that I'm on right now, and it's what I'm working towards.

And I'm trying to think about how this relates to, I guess, just this overall sadness that I feel. There's a lot of, I think, hope and growth in how I think about my future, but there is a flip side of it were I also just see a lot of grief over losing things. So I would like to believe that the more I'm me and the more I find myself, I'll strengthen and be able to let go of that attachment. But I'm not making that connection.

Jessica: Yeah. So let me speak to that because I really love the way you said it. You're not just talking about being sad; you're talking about your attachment to your sadness, right⁠—

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: ⁠—because I think you are wise to not make it a goal to not be sad. There's nothing wrong with being sad. Life is fucking tragedy. Be sad. I'm down for that. Happiness is great for people who are wired that way, and it's fine if you're not. But it's the attachment piece. And this is where I want to come back to Neptune, that Neptune/Sun conjunction, because that Neptune/Sun conjunction can be idealistic in a way that is seeking perfection and purity. And until you have perfection and purity, there is an attachment to "What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong?"

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: So you're looking for the reason why so you can fix the reason why so you can get to that perfection and purity. That doesn't exist, perfection or purity. That's not a thing.

Guest: That's right. Thanks for the reminder.

Jessica: You're welcome. You're welcome. Any day. Anytime, any day. It's just not a thing. And some people will say it's a thing. Certainly, very religious people will say it's a thing, or very atheist people will say it's a thing. But it's a slippery slope to not taking agency for your actions. It's not considering the context, the social and political, the time-we're-in context of what you're feeling. I don't know. Is it kind of shitty to not be sad all the time, I would say? I think it's shitty to not be sad sometimes because the world is real sad.

The part that you're speaking to where you're said about transitions, it's because you fear fundamentally that whatever comes on the other side of this bend is worse than what was before it or you will not have control, and if you don't have control, then you don't have agency. If you don't have agency, then you have to rely on other people, and people are not reliable. Yeah?

Guest: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. This is really about developing a relationship with yourself where you have more willingness and confidence, A, to trust yourself, and B, to fuck up, because⁠—and this is classic Saturnian or Capricorn lesson, which is that failing at things does not make you a failure. Fucking up does not make you a fuck-up. It's very hard to trust that, in particular with your family background, because there's this real survival mechanism associated with it. The thing that I think is so difficult is that your ability to handle things is not your problem. It's just not your problem. But your fear that things will take a turn and that you won't be able to handle them is a problem.

Guest: Yeah. Right.

Jessica: And within this, you are⁠—I mean, honestly, I'm not going to try to convince you that you can handle everything. You can't. Nobody can. I'm not going to try to convince you of anything because, honestly, you know better. This is part of the problem. It's about your willingness to, like I said, fail, to struggle, to falter, to be out of control, and to not have that thing define you but instead your response to whatever struggle you're dealing with define you. And you're actually very good at that when push comes to shove. You're not good about that when you're thinking about it about to happen.

Guest: Yes. Yes. It is an overall struggle to accept life as it is⁠—

Jessica: Yes. Yes.

Guest: ⁠—and all the different ways⁠—I want it to be perfect, and I want it to last forever. I want it to just be about love and being together. And I struggle with it thinking about things politically, and I wish that things weren't the way they were. And on an existential level, this idea that we need to move on and bad things can happen⁠—even though I've accepted it on some level, deep, deep down, I really have not accepted it.

Jessica: Yeah. Okay. So you're just speaking about your Jupiter/Mars conjunction in Pisces in the eighth house right now. That's what you're talking about⁠—also your Sun/Neptune conjunction. But there's two parts of what you're saying. One part is you're not completely in acceptance that you're alive in a body. That's a Sun/Neptune conjunction thing. It's just like, "What's a body? What's 3D?" You know what I mean? It's just kind of like, "Are we really here? Is this a simulation?"

Guest: Right. Right.

Jessica: Very Sun/Neptune conjunction.

Guest: I've asked that so many times.

Jessica: I'm sure you have, and you will again. And you will again. So there is that part, but the other part is everything should be a fairytale. Everything should be lovely. Everything should be positive.

But every single thing dies. Everything dies. Every single thing has seasons and changes. And if you were to stand on 5th and Main, you were to walk over to 5th and Main at 5:00 p.m. on Tuesday and you were to stand there and you weren't to move at all, everything would change around you. The light would change. The temperature would change. Different people would come and go. Cars would come and go. People would fuck with you. People would ask you if you needed help. All kinds of things would happen even if you didn't change, right?

Guest: Right.

Jessica: So the very nature of the material condition of being a person⁠—I mean, I could say of being alive at all, but just of being a human⁠—is change. And the beautiful thing about nature is that if you think of a tree or a flower, it grows and grows and grows, and then it makes these beautiful flowers or fruits or leaves or whatever, and then it drops them. And it drops them, and then those things rot in the ground, and it looks like shit and it becomes fertilizer. It becomes compost. And then it adds to life. So the cycle of growth and then creation and fruition and abundance and then laws and then mess and then transmutation and fertilization and then on we go⁠—that is the cycle of all living things.

Guest: That's right.

Jessica: Yeah. Now I'm speaking to your Jupiter/Mars conjunction again, the part of you that has faith in the interconnection.

Guest: Yeah. There is a part of me that sees the beauty of everything that you described and understands that this is a thing that makes us who we are and makes the world such a beautiful, wonderful place. And I can tap into that energy. And then there's another part of me that just still wants everything to stay still.

Jessica: Yeah. Of course. Of course. Yes.

Guest: It's so odd. Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: I mean, odd or not, these are parts of you. And what you have done, because the world has made it either necessary or seductive because of your childhood, because of your epigenetics⁠—what you have done is you have fixated on and seized upon that part⁠—and it's just a part, but⁠—that part that is terrified of change, terrified of losing control, terrified of endings, which includes but is not limited to death. And then there's these other parts.

And so what the move is at this stage is to strengthen your other parts, not to weaken your fear of death or your fear of change, because that's your survival mechanisms, and you cannot shoot down your survival mechanisms. All that does is make them stronger, which is why if you have parents who sacrificed everything to create a life that's safer for you than what they had, and then you do something like⁠—I don't know⁠—go to an art school or something that they think is not the thing, to them, it's like the end of the fucking world because it's that survival mechanism thing, although⁠—are your parents actually controlling about what you do for a career?

Guest: No.

Jessica: It doesn't look like it. Yeah.

Guest: They have anxieties, but they don't try and control me that way.

Jessica: It doesn't look like it. I mean, your parents' control is around your existential safety.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: And it's not really about your material things. So I meant that as a metaphor as opposed to a literal example, but you get where I'm going here. Really, what it's about is strengthening these other parts so that instead of this fear of change/fear of death thing being the loudest voice, you can have them all be the equal volume so that you have more agility in where you act from, because that part of you that is scared of death is human. That part of you that is scared of change and losing control is a form of vigilance that can keep you safe when shit goes sideways. It can make you attuned to danger or to things being off balance in a meaningful way.

So we don't want to get rid of this part of you. We just don't want it driving the car like a mean dad all the time, which is what's happening, just like yelling at everyone deciding where you go. This is within your nature to do. That said, most people are scared of death. Most people are scared of transition.

Guest: I'm curious what you think about distractions. I struggle with the difference between staying present and being distracted. And sometimes it feels like it's the same thing. It's easier to focus on something that doesn't matter or something that's numbing because it's easier to replace what you don't want to think about with something that you don't really care about than to replace it with something meaningful. Do you have thoughts about that?

Jessica: I sure do. I mean, you said it. It's numbing. And being numb is better than being in a state of panic or anxiety or depression, right? So there's a great value in it as a step, as a phase of development. What happens to most people is that we get stuck there in a state of distraction. And when you get stuck in a state of distraction, it stunts the emotional development. When our emotional development is stunted, everything suffers. And so, when you're activated in a state of anxiety or panic or whatever, yes, distract yourself so you can get to a state of neutrality.

But then, when you start to feel better, it's not return to the scene of the crime and re-harm yourself. That's not the move. It's find something constructive so that you go from, "I'm losing my shit," to, "Okay. Okay. I'm okay. I'm fine. Everything's okay right now," to, "How can I take care of myself?" or, "What do I need?" So it's about adding a step. When you say distract, there are so many different ways to distract. You have a Sun/Neptune conjunction in the sixth house, and it's in Capricorn. So, to me, that's most likely to be serial, like TV shows as opposed to movies.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. Capricorn loves to watch seasons and episodes.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: And the other thing would be video games, any kind of scrolling. That's how Neptune loves to disassociate. It could be drugs, but your system⁠—you're very controlling. So I imagine that drugs are not exactly the most attractive thing to you. Is that right?

Guest: Right. Right. I have what I call an addictive personality, and so there's the part of me that doesn't want to go there because I know how hard it is for me to⁠—

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Smart. And do you metabolize alcohol well?

Guest: I think so.

Jessica: I imagine that's a limited-time offer, honey, because you and sugar are not BFFs, and alcohol just⁠—you know, it's just pure sugar in the body. So it's definitely something to be mindful of. Especially if you physiologically have issues with sugar, yeah, alcohol is something to be a little bit wary of for your system. You've got that Mars/Jupiter conjunction, so you can drink, but I don't think you should. Is that your favorite substance to use when you use substances?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. Sorry about that. I just shit on it.

[crosstalk]

Jessica: You can, but I agree, you're addictive. And so it's about enjoying it as a way to calm down or have fun with people, whatever it is, as opposed to self-medicating with it. It's a little sticky. So okay. All of that said⁠—bear with me. Let me just ground back into your question. Before I give you more words to it, I'll say this. I'm a medium. I talk to dead people. I talk to a lot of dead people. And because I've talked to dead people and I'm talking to you over Zoom right now, eh, there's not a big difference. So for whatever that's worth. It's not like when I talk to dead people, I'm talking to a ghost. That's not what's happening. I'm talking to a person who is not in the body and not fixed in location or time. And I'm now talking to you, who's in a body. You're fixed in location. You're fixed in time. But you're on Zoom.

So, theoretically, you could be AI and I wouldn't know it. I mean, I don't think that's happening, but what I'm trying to say is I have this unique perspective of talking to dead people, and they're not really dead. I mean, they're for sure dead. I have been bereaved. People I love have died, and they're dead people to me. But they're not dead. They're living. They're very much living. It's just a change, and it's a change that we have no control over but we adapt to. All of us adapt.

Guest: Right. I actually find great comfort when I hear you connect with people who've passed because of that exact reason.

Jessica: It's interesting because I personally⁠—it's not like I have, per se, beliefs about what happens after you die. But I've just talked to so many dead people that I have experience with that. And because of that, I personally am scared of dying because it can be painful and prolonged and all this kind of crap. But I've met people who've died in terrible ways, truly terrible ways, but I've never met anyone who was particularly attached to their death or the way they felt when they were dying, even people who spent decades sick and suffering.

It's kind of like if you're stuck on the train and you're miserable and you're just surrounded by sweaty, annoying people and you just want to go home, and you're sick of it, and the second you're off the train it's done⁠—so maybe you're still agitated or whatever. You have feelings. You had that experience, but you're no longer on the train. It's done. It's the same thing with being dead. It's like people don't seem to be very attached to it because you're no longer in the body. And so, for me, the important thing about the fear of death is that it's truly a fear of the unknown and being out of control with the unknown.

I think that for you, working on your relationship to control and to safety and all the things we've been talking about will take care of that. And I don't mean take care of it like fix it in a perfect way because, again, there's no perfect. But it will soothe, care for, and support that part of yourself. So what you've been doing is accurately seeing these parts of yourself and being like, "Well, I'm going to try to work on this, this fear of death, fear of transitions." But that's not exactly the thing to work on. If you work on the root issues, then you end up healing those bigger things.

Guest: That makes complete sense. It makes so much sense. I know exactly what you're talking about, and I think there was a part of me that was hoping that I would get something kind of mystical. You know what I mean? Something spiritual that could kind of link things together. But I struggle so much with control. And I want to believe that I've managed it to a certain extent, but it permeates everything. And I think when I was young, it was very intense, this feeling of control, and there was a deep fear. But because I've made progress and because⁠—it's like you said. Bad things would happen. I would figure it out. It wouldn't be a big deal. I had this history and examples that I could look to. I felt like, "Oh. I've figured out this control thing. I've controlled this control thing." And then⁠—

Jessica: Very Capricorn. That is the most Capricorn thing you've said the whole time, just so we're clear.

Guest: I've controlled the control. Yeah.

Jessica: Yes. Yes. Yes.

Guest: And realizing that that's very much not the case, and it's coming up in different ways, and that's okay. And do you mind if I just ask you one more⁠—

Jessica: Go for it.

Guest: ⁠—mystical question? When you do speak to somebody who's passed, do you ever feel that they miss being on Earth or being alive or they miss the people that they left behind? Or is that not usually the case?

Jessica: Yes. Yes, sometimes. So, usually, when people miss being on this Earth, they pass young or they feel that they didn't use their time. Typically, that feeling of they didn't use their time is because they had addiction⁠—that's been my experience⁠—or because they just really didn't⁠—they weren't able to live in the way that they wanted. But these kinds of regrets that, yes, can translate to missing, are part of, from my perspective, the soul's journey of healing because if I⁠—I don't know⁠—walk up to you and steal your juice box, and then I walk away with no remorse, it may be when I have enough time to myself that I'm like, "Oh. Wow. I was a real dick, and I stole her fucking juice box." And now I have to live with the fact that I stole your juice box and you didn't have any juice.

And when I see that form of suffering for the dead, I do not feel bad about it. I understand, and so do they. That's their journey, is to be in their own lived experience and to heal. In terms of missing people, it's complicated for me to answer because you've asked a very 3D question. It's very hard to talk about this stuff and think about this stuff. But you and I are in different physical locations, and we are both in September of 2022. But when you are no longer in a body, there's no more "there" there. There's no more physical location, and there's no more time, which means that a dead person can be chilling on a beach in Croatia and hanging out with their mom who's still on this Earth and staying really loyal to their bestie and checking out yada, yada.

And this is very hard to conceive of in the material plane, but we are not limited. It's just like you're sitting here and you're talking to me, and you're present, but you're also thinking about what you have to do after the call, and you're also remembering something that happened in your childhood and thinking, "Maybe I should ask Jessica this question." Right? You're in lots of places.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: So it's kind of like that. We can be in many places. So, if a person who's in spirit wants to be connected to someone who's still on this Earth, they'll just be connected to someone who's still on this Earth. It is that simple. But it's not literal from our 3D perspective.

Guest: Right. Right. That's helpful to know.

Jessica: Good. Oh, good. This is the thing. Again, I'm a medium. I've lost people, and it's not like I'm talking to them all the damn time. Some mediums might be, I guess. But it's not like that, because when somebody dies, they die. They are not here anymore. That's real. When you moved to the area you live in, you no longer lived in the area you grew up in. That's how that works. It's an ending, and it's also⁠—I mean, you could just get on a plane, in a car, on a train. You can get back there, and it would still be there, and you would be there.

So it's like it changes⁠—it's a weird thing. You can return, but you're no longer the same. But you can always return. Life is a pain in the ass. Nothing is safe. Life is tragedy and suffering. Life is glorious. It is the greatest gift in the world. It is joy and love and connectivity, and they're both true. And if you are a child of trauma, then you will see it as all or nothing. And you have Pluto in the fourth house, so ding-ding-ding, you get all or nothing. And that means that when you fall back into your survival mechanisms, it's either/or, all/nothing.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: And that's how you know you're in your survival mechanisms. You think you're being rational. You think you're being reasonable. You're in your survival mechanisms. When you are still accessing your survival mechanisms but not being driven by them in the same way, then you can be like, "Either/or, and/also, maybe, could be, once was."

Guest: That's right.

Jessica: Right? So it's about strengthening your other parts so they can cohabitate with your survival mechanisms, and in that process, win the trust of your survival mechanisms⁠ that you are an adult [indiscernible 00:49:16] is reliable so that your survival mechanisms can kind of go offline or go from being on at a 10 to being on at a 6 and then maybe a 3. And I know you do this already sometimes, but it feels like you don't have a great deal of agency or control over when you do it.

Guest: Yes. Yeah. It's so interesting because this deep sadness that I feel sometimes when everything's great and nothing's wrong⁠—there's no change, but I still feel just this ongoing grief underneath⁠—I think that is the survival mechanism. I've never thought about it that way before. I just think it's like this random spiritual thing that all of a sudden I feel sadness, and all of a sudden I'm kind of drawn into this all-or-nothing thinking and just real desire to keep things as is, real desire to keep this moment that's good forever. I think there is a beauty to it sometimes that I attach to because I'm like, "I'm appreciating it. I'm enjoying the person in front of me. I'm enjoying my life." I like it so much that I'm struggling. But there's something about it, when I tell people, they're just like, "That's odd. That's an odd way of enjoying something." And I think it's what you're talking about. It's some of that trauma coming up.

Jessica: Yep. That's it.

Guest: Yeah. Wow.

Jessica: And within this, it's a good idea to pay attention when that feeling comes of, "I love this so much now, I'm in grief over it"⁠—what has happened over the last couple days? That's a thing to notice because if, let's say, you read about all the states in the U.S. that don't have any water all of a sudden or what's happening in any of the regions of the world that are just heartbreaking, including your own town⁠—let's say you've been exposed to some information and it really got you in the heart, but you were living your life and you were going through the motions, and there's nothing you can do. So you're just going to live your life. Okay. Expect within the next 72 hours, you're going to be in grief about something good because it's like your psyche is placing it someplace that you can make sense of. It's literal and in your life. It's like, "Oh, this is a good feeling in the sea of scary things. I can't lose this good thing because of all the scary things."

So, again, it's a survival mechanism, and it's not a bad one. As far as survival mechanisms go, there's a lot of logic to it. It makes sense. It's not destroying anyone else's life but yours, right? So that's cool because a lot of people's survival mechanisms harm other people. You don't.

Guest: Right. I'm just silently grieving.

Jessica: Yes. You're suffering all the time. You're suffering all the time.

Guest: That's it.

Jessica: Yeah. But in regards to this survival mechanism, the fact is that you can work on this. You can come to healing, and it does matter that you're not harming others with it. It does matter. And this is why I say it's not the worst survival mechanism. It's absolutely not working for you. It absolutely needs support and love and a better kind of concert members to make it a better song. But it's valuable to be able to say to your survival mechanisms, "Hey. I see you. This is actually serving me. I can be grateful that I have found a way to torture myself but not others. I can be grateful that I have love and appreciation netted into my anxiety⁠. And also, time for change. Time for expansion. I'm going to work on other things." But when we demonize our survival mechanisms, it makes it harder to heal them because it activates them.

Guest: Yes. Yes. Something is clicking for me right now because I think at this stage of my life, when this stuff comes up, I get frustrated because I thought, "How am I still dealing with this? How am I still in this dark place?" And there is this desire of really wanting it to go away. And the more that I think I do that, the more I feel attached to it, where something would be good, I'd be good for a couple days, and then I would feel, "Don't forget. Don't forget that everything's really bad, and everything's going to end one day. You're too happy right now."

I feel so attached to this grief that I have, and I think it's because I'm rejecting it because I just wanted to get rid of it completely. And there's a part of my brain that's like, "Friendly reminder. Everything is going to end one day." And I'm just like, "Why am I going there?" But maybe if it's more integrated, maybe if I can accept it, like you said, as something that's served me, it doesn't come out in this very aggressive way.

Jessica: Yeah. It can come to the point where you're like, "Friendly reminder. I will suffer, and so will everyone I've ever had contact with," and you can be like, "Yes. I accept that. I'm not fighting that. I accept that, and how can I honor this moment?" It's about not allowing the moment to define you. Not every failure, not every feeling, not every loss, not every gain is a defining thing. They're all⁠—the tapestry is what defines us, not the details, the pinpricks. Your survival mechanisms are so strong. That sucks for you in a lot of ways, and it's wonderful for you in a lot of ways.

Getting more curious about that will really serve you. There are a lot of resources that are out there that you can learn from about epigenetics, survival mechanisms, and a fear of losing control. And none of them are going to fix your problems. None of them are going to solve your problems, none of them.

Guest: Thanks for the reminder.

Jessica: Yeah. Let's just adjust the expectation. It ain't going to happen. But it will empower you to understand that what you experience is actually very human, and there's a cultural context. There's physiological context. And that gives you a little more space because it's not like, "What's wrong with me?" which is what happens. You clench up. "What's wrong with me?" Now, when you clench, your survival mechanisms are in full gear. So it can help you to be like, "Oh shit. This is where I start to panic. Okay. Cool. I'm going to make a different choice right now," and that choice might be put on TV, scroll, to get to a state of neutrality. And then, when you're in a state of neutrality, you do that healthy thing you do, like⁠—

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: ⁠—you know? Or whatever it is, like a breath-work thing or a vagus nerve thing or whatever it is. Then you take that next step. It's like identify you're slipping. Go to a state of distraction. Go from the state of distraction to a positive action or a positive reflection. That's the move. And it requires being able to identify, "I'm in my survival mechanisms right now."

That's the hardest part of this whole thing, is being able to identify as it's happening instead of when you're already under sea level. That's when most of us notice it, is when we're drowning. So it's a practice, and you will for sure fuck up sometimes. And you'll do all the right things and it won't work sometimes. And that's just being a person.

Guest: Right. I love how you have to keep reminding me that, because there's part of me that's just like, "Oh, done. I figured this out." You're giving me a three-step process.

Jessica: Yes. It's a prescription. You're gel. But this is the problem, is that getting it right means failing. Getting it right means not getting it right all the time because it is through our struggles and our failures that we learn. So what you're struggling with, the very things we're talking about⁠—and I don't want this to sound too idealistic, but it is actually like a reflection of your parents' dreams coming true, that you have the freedom to work on this psychologically. That is what they wanted for you, want for you. And it's what they did not have.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: So this is something so powerful because you have the opportunity to be in a state of reflection and to use your resources to access spiritual, psychological, physical support, and this is a really beautiful thing. And when you falter or fail or you forget to do the things or you have a shit month or whatever it is, you can be like, "Yeah, but I actually get to bounce back. I have all of these resources, and that's a gift." You can beat yourself up and be like, "Oh, I fucked it up," but it's really about, "Oh, I needed to learn this. I struggled. I lost track of myself, but I don't have to." That's a good thing for your survival mechanisms to hear.

Now, I know we've touched on a lot of things. But I want to just, before we wrap up, check with you and see, is anything kind of lingering in your head? Do you have any final questions?

Guest: No. Everything's clicking for me in a very real way, and yeah. Yeah, I think it's issues that I know is in me but have not been able to connect. I think a lot of the questions that I would ask you is like, "Well, what about this or that?" or, "If I try to control this more, if I pick the right job, will I have"⁠—you know?

Jessica: Yes.

Guest: That's honestly a thought I had. I was like, "Well, maybe I'll ask Jessica if my job is right, because maybe if my job is right, then I'll fix this part of myself."

Jessica: There you go. So you got it. So you've got it. You've exactly got it, because it's not about having those thoughts or having those feelings. It's about recognizing them and being like, "Okay. That's my survival mechanism."

Guest: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: Boom. That's the move. Good job.

Guest: So any question that I have for you is just a little bit irrelevant because they're questions about control. And there's a part of me that's just like, "Well, just ask her. Just confirm that your job is right for you." But I think that that's not⁠—

Jessica: I agree with you. It's not the thing. It's really not the thing. And it's funny you say that, because throughout our conversation, there's been a couple moments where I wanted to ask you what you do for living. But it doesn't matter. And you could Google your birth chart, and some astrologers might look at your birth chart and really want to fixate on career. But at any stage of your life, if you came in for a reading⁠—unless, I guess, when you were going through a big career transit⁠—I would point you away from it because it's the thing you're the most comfortable worrying about. It's the thing you're most comfortable talking about and you're very well equipped to deal with.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: It's the thing you're comfortable struggling with. You're not fucked up around this. You're just like a person in a world.

Guest: Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's easier to focus on these things because it feels like it can be that magical thing, like you said, that we've been talking about that can unlock more peace, more healing.

Jessica: Yeah. Also, it's because you don't have the same fear of losing control with work.

Guest: Yes. That's right.

Jessica: That's why you're comfortable talking about it and you want to return to it, because it's not the thing that makes you feel like you're falling off a cliff, even though for a lot of people, working career is that. For you, it's not.

Guest: Right.

Jessica: And all humans have a tendency to want to focus on the problem that is actually the most in our control instead of the problem that needs more of our care. I guess I'll just say one last thing before we're done. Being aware of and in resonance with the end of all things good and bad. It's sad, and it's also honest. And it's okay. And if you feel sad about the reality of things ending, that's healthy and okay. What you don't want to do is preemptively live the grief before it happens, because that does not protect you from the grief. Your survival mechanisms make you think that it protects you from your grief to preemptively feel that grief, but it doesn't.

We don't want to get rid of your survival mechanisms. We want to make them more efficient so they're not constantly running juice and you're wasting all this energy on it. I really think you're going to be able to get this. And I don't think you're going to be without sadness and grief and control issues and fear and you will all of a sudden magically not have had your childhood or have your epigenetics. None of that. I think it's about finding peace within the mess. It's about finding acceptance within that which is shit or not in your control. I think you can find that, not by magic, but through a practice, through intention, through care for yourself and for others.

That's how this is going to play itself out. So I'm really confident in you, and you don't have to be confident in you. You just need to be in practice. That's all you need. And through your practice, the confidence will organically emerge, as it already has in your life.

Guest: Right. Right. Thank you so much for all of that. The first thing you said about that it's okay to be sad⁠—I think that's where I get tripped up because I think the reality is very sad. And so there's this aspect of, "Well, this isn't an overblown thing. This isn't something that is deeper. It's just everyone should be sad." You know, that type of thing.

Jessica: Everyone should be sad.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: I mean, this is a very Capricorn thing. And so many other people are going to be like, "What the fuck are these people talking about?" But everyone should be sad.

Guest: [crosstalk]

Jessica: Exactly. We have a grasp on reality. Reality is said. The human condition is [crosstalk].

Guest: Exactly. Yeah.

Jessica: 100 percent. 100 percent.

Guest: I'm so glad that you said that, because I think I return to that thought a lot where I'm saying, "Okay. This feels like you're going down the deep end," and then there will be another voice that says, "But this is just reality."

Jessica: It's just reality.

Guest: Yeah. Yeah. And so that's such a helpful reminder, I think, that there is some truth to it, but it's kind of the way I lean into it that is not serving me.

Jessica: Yeah. It's not serving you. That's exactly it. I'm really glad we did this. I'm deeply glad we did this. And I can see⁠—like I hear what you're saying, but also, I can see a lot of things have clicked and shifted, like instantly shifted, for you.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: So I see, again, nothing magic, nothing automatic, nothing perfect, but I definitely see you using this. And so this makes me really happy.

Guest: Yeah. I've gotten so much⁠—it's like continuous goosebumps throughout our conversation. And I didn't have the expectations that this was going to be everything that I was looking for, but it's so much. And so I just thank you for this gift. It's⁠—I don't want to say it's life-changing.

Jessica: But it did a thing. It did a thing.

Guest: And I'll fail because it's going to be hard. Yeah. It did a huge thing. So thank you so much.

Jessica: It is my pleasure. It's so my pleasure.

School boards and lawmakers around the country are banning and challenging books at a pace not seen since the 1980s. The American Library Association tracked 729 challenges to library, school, and university materials and services in 2021. And librarians have even been threatened with criminal charges and jail time in some places in this country for lending out challenged books. You can contact your representatives about this issue by emailing, calling, or tweeting at them. And above all else, buy banned and challenged books. Support the important work of authors who are being banned or challenged, and in the process, support independent bookstores. My favorite bookstore, Marcus Books, is the oldest independent Black-owned bookstore in the country and has a banned and challenged book list on their website. You can go to marcusbooks.com to see this list and to shop, or visit whatever independent bookstore that you love. Support banned and challenged books and authors today.

My loves, we're going to get into your horoscope of September 11th through the 17th of 2022, but I'll give you a quick reminder Mercury is Retrograde. It's not the end of the world, but it's certainly annoying. This Mercury Retrograde is likely to tint everything we're going through because it's annoying, and the annoyances are meant to slow us down a little bit so we don't go out and do and plan and all that kind of stuff, and remind us to reflect and use the rule of re's. We're supposed to reflect and recalibrate and reassess. And in doing this, it might be that things seem like they're slowing down.

But the truth is things only slow down so that we make sure that we're going in the right direction. And I also want to remind you that you're going to have to make plans. You're going to have to make decisions. You have to do the things that astrologers say don't do during a Mercury Retrograde, and that's okay. Every time Mercury goes Retrograde, I get a few emails, at the very least, being like, "I'm getting married," or, "I have this major thing planned." You just gotta live your life. But if you know Mercury is Retrograde, then you know to triple-check things.

And I want to just remind you, with Mercury Retrograde, just like with everything else astrological, what we can do is use this tool, astrology, to understand what's happening now, how it's related to what has happened in the past, and plan for our future. That's the move. So, if you find yourself getting activated around anxiety or you're like, "Oh God. What do I do?" then you're not using the tool the way it's meant to be used if it's just creating panic. So do what you gotta do. Live with the weather fronts we're dealing with. And that's pretty much that.

And before we hop into your horoscope, which is not too long this week, I want to thank everyone who came to my webinar on sex and sexuality last week. It was so fun. I think it went more than an hour over, so yeah. You all are troopers. And if you missed it but you still want to learn about sex and sexuality through the birth chart, the class is for sale on my website. You can go over to ghostofapodcast.com and find that and other classes there if you're in the market for learning more astrology.

Okay. Let's start with your horoscope. The first transit of this week is exact on the 11th, and that transit is a Sun trine to Uranus. This is a lovely transit. It's great for creating progress. So Uranus itself is progressive, and the Sun is your will. And so, if you have things that you need to move forward in your life that require some measure of innovation or risk-taking, this is the transit for you. It's very possible that something will come out of left field or some sort of surprise will emerge that will be exciting and an opportunity for you. But with Uranus transits, similar to Jupiter transits, when we have opportunities come out of the clear blue sky, it's not just about the opportunity. It's also in some ways a test of how well you know yourself because what is a good opportunity for someone else or a good opportunity on paper may not be the right thing for you, or it may be the right thing for you but not the right time for that thing.

And so there is a measure of needing to know yourself in order to make the most of this transit, and maybe you will get to know yourself better through this transit. It can be really exciting. It can be really dynamic and a time of adventure and exploration. It can also just be a chill nice couple of days⁠—Sun transits are always three days long⁠—where you feel good; you feel open. And that's nice. Let's not judge it. This transit is happening at 18 degrees and 47 minutes of earth signs. So the Sun is in Virgo. Uranus is in Taurus. So, if you have anything around 19 degrees of a zodiac sign that is directly aspected by Virgo or Taurus, then you will especially feel this transit. And that's a really good thing.

So you're more likely to get a little more juj for the transit if you've got a planet that gets directly hit by that. But either way, it is a lovely time. If you are able to make new connections⁠—social, professional, romantic⁠—it's all very good. And it might be a little surprising, which⁠—again, when it comes to a Sun trine to Uranus, the surprises are generally a pleasure. So lean into it. Be open to it. If you're sitting around and you're like, "Well, should I leave the house? Should I go hang out with these friends? I don't really know them," the answer is yes. Tenth, eleventh, twelfth⁠—the answer is yes, I think you should.

And that brings us to the 16th. And on the 16th, we've got two exact transits. One of them is a yea and one a not-so-much. So I'm going to start with the yea. The yea is, on the 16th, we have an exact square between Venus and Mars. Venus is at 14 degrees of Virgo, and we've got Mars at 14 of Gemini. And this is a great square. Not all squares and oppositions⁠—a.k.a. hard transits or hard aspects⁠—are a bad thing or a stressful thing. Venus square to Mars is kind of exciting. It's great for socializing and connecting with other people and for creative endeavors in general. So it's a really lovely transit. It is not the most spectacular of transits, however, simply because it happens very frequently and it's just like a nice breath of fresh air, a nice infusion into your creative and social life.

But when we have a transit like the Sun opposite Neptune happening at the exact same time, you're going to feel a little bit less of that Venus square Mars and a little bit more of that Sun opposition to Neptune. So let me explain. The Sun is at 24 degrees of Virgo, and Neptune's at 24 of Pisces. And this transit provokes anxiety. This transit can kick up your desire to disassociate or just basically distance yourself from or avoid unpleasantness, while at the same time, it kind of weakens the auric field. In other words, it makes us more sensitive⁠—more sensitive to the things we don't know, the things that are scary. This can make us a little bit more gullible or a lot a bit more gullible.

And because this is a transit that is happening to everyone in all the roles of society and walks of life, this can lead to misinformation and disinformation, shit-talking, gossip, lies, that kind of stuff. And sometimes lies are spread on purpose; sometimes they're not. So we want to be really careful with this transit. It can be a time where you are feeling off. You're feeling exhausted. You're feeling overwhelmed, demoralized, anxious, and seeking easy answers. That's unfortunately what Neptune can inspire us to do, to seek these perfect, pure answers. And there is no shortage of people out there peddling oversimplified answers to very complicated and nuanced problems.

I want to just warn you to not buy any magic beans on and around this date because it is highly unlikely to grow you a beanstalk. If something seems idealistic, too good to be true, absolutely perfect like you can never go wrong, be wary. Those are all things to be on the lookout for because it's hard to see things clearly when we're under the influence of Neptune. That doesn't mean you're screwed or things will definitely be bad at all, but it's really important to employ the 72-hour rule, which is simply to say sit on it for 72 hours if you can. And if you can't, I would ask, what's the rush? And there might be a rush. But a Sun opposition to Neptune during a Mercury Retrograde, yeah, I'm going to be very cautious over the dates that this transit will influence, which are the 15th, 16th, and 17th. It's exact on the 16th, but all three of those days, I'm going to advise you and I'm certainly going to take the advice to be real grounded and careful.

You may be feeling, as I said, kind of demoralized or discouraged. That can happen under Neptune. And if that's the case, do what you can to nurture yourself, to support yourself. And whenever it comes to Neptune, you want to simplify things. So don't try to take on all the things. Take on whatever is directly in front of you that you can handle in a simple way. If things are feeling really complicated, do your utmost to simplify them. This will support you in managing this transit to the best of your ability. A lot of times, for a lot of people, this just means you're exhausted. You're just like, "Fuck. I'm so tired." And if that's the case, if you can, nap. And if you can't, recline. And if you can't do that, just be gentle with yourself. That's the move.

Neptune transits, or transits to or from Neptune, will often remind us that we are spiritual beings in physical form having an experience. And within that reminder, we often have to reconnect to our true selves. And a lot of us, a lot of the time, get overwhelmed when we start to feel that, because it takes us away from the immediacy of our material concerns. And we have so many material concerns. So you just want to be gentle and careful with yourself. Now, as I always say during Neptune transits, not a great time for drugs if you can avoid it, and not a great time for proclaiming your love or making any kind of major move to process in a deep way with people. It's not a great time to ask for a raise or anything like that. If you can avoid making major purchases, please do. It's not a great time for major purchases. So there are some things to pay attention to.

Now, the Sun opposition to Neptune does have a positive. And that positive is that it is a great time for being in your spiritual body. And what that might mean to you might be very different than it means to somebody else. But having a spiritual experience within your body is a really powerful thing. And the Sun opposition to Neptune is a good time, an uplifting time, to pursue that. I just don't recommend getting high in order to do that. I recommend doing it without the use of facilitators. But you do you as you see fit. I'm just here giving you my best advice.

So the Sun opposition to Neptune⁠—it's a little stressy, a little anxiety-producing. Rest as much as you can. Don't jump to conclusions. And unfortunately, because we also have the Venus square to Mars, it kind of fucks with our ability to lean into socializing as a way to make yourself feel better. However, if you do have people in your life that you really trust and that you can really be chill with and be yourself with, this is a good time to spend with others, in particular if you can have spiritual experiences with them, whether that's by going to a concert where you're really moved by the music or getting a little more woo or whatever it is that works for you. It can be a great time for that, but Neptune⁠—it's a little touchy, so you might want to be a little more chill than all that. So, again, follow the energy. And if there is no energy, rein it in in and take care of yourself.

And that brings us to the final transit of the week⁠—yeah, this is a pretty chill week⁠—and it's happening on the 17th. So there's going to be an overlap between the Venus square to Mars and the Sun opposition to Neptune and this other transit, which is a Mars sextile to Chiron. This transit is happening between Mars at 15 degrees of Gemini and Chiron at 15 degrees of Aries. And this can be really powerful transit for moving through anger or passion or sexual issues and moving through those emotions, those Mars emotions, in a Chironic way⁠—in other words, healing these issues, healing these emotions.

So you might be typically triggered by, let's say, anger or ambition or competition. And Chiron is likely to be like, "Okay. This is the thing that usually triggers me, but I can be present through it." And that's the thing that I think is really important to look out for this Mars sextile the Chiron, is your ability to use your body as a resource and tool for being present even when, or maybe especially when, you feel triggered, when you're dealing with an old wound or something that is just really⁠—it gets under your skin.

The sextile between these two planets can be incredibly empowering and transformational, but it's not always dramatic, so you might not notice it. It might be something that happens on a more subtle level, like instead of taking the bait with the person who always triggers you, you're just like, "Oh shit. This thing that happens is happening, and I'm not going to take the bait. I'm just going to be annoyed instead of annoyed and acting out." It might be something as subtle and small as that, but that kind of thing is huge because big transformations are often made up of many small or smaller revelations and tiny bursts of progress. And so be open to small or large bursts of progress this Mars sextile to Chiron.

Chiron has a way of exposing wounds. It has a way of exposing the points of pain within us. And Mars is just aggressive. And so the kind of relationship between them with this sextile is an opportunity to intentionally move through content inside of you or in your life that is potentially really difficult. So it's not like a promise that you'll experience no pain or drama or whatever, but it certainly is an indicator that if you engage consciously and in an embodied way⁠—because again, we're talking about Mars here⁠—so when you deal in an embodied way with triggers and upsets, that this can have a lasting and powerful impact on you and the world around you.

So rise to the occasion. And because this transit overlaps with the Sun opposition to Neptune, this isn't going to be the easiest thing to do. As I said last week, I believe, Neptune and Mars are the two planets that are the most different from each other in the zodiac. Mars is very much about the body, and Neptune is very much about the ether. It's up in the clouds. And so having these two transits overlap with each other can really empower us to cope with the Neptune energies in a more present and embodied way, or on the flip side, having Neptune present with the Mars/Chiron can kind of distract us from what's important and make us want to disassociate or avoid unpleasant emotions, especially unpleasant emotions in our bodies.

So here's the weather report. Do with it as you will. My hope, though, is that you pay attention to the emotions and impulses in your body all week, but especially the second half of the week, so that you can notice what's going on inside of you, what you need, and how to best respond not only to your own emotions but to the people around you, whether it's your personal relationships or your community's needs. These transits may trigger people in a pretty dramatic way. The Sun opposition to Neptune, I imagine, will be quite triggering for people who are very religious and religiously motivated, especially people whose religious convictions have a tendency to be very idealistic or very fear driven. And when you pair that with the Mars/Chiron transit, this can have people really going out on a limb, or it can have people really finding something of meaning.

I want to just bring your attention back to the body, and remember that whatever it is that you're experiencing, whatever it is that you're going through, your body is there with you for it. So check in with your body. He kind to your body. And have grace for people who are doing it poorly or not doing it at all, people who are getting in your way, or people who are rubbing you the wrong way. And that, my friends, is your horoscope. That's what we've got for this week.

Now, I will give you a little heads-up for next week because on the 18th, we will have a couple exact transits, but one of them is that Mercury opposition to Jupiter. I'll talk about it more next week, but I've talked about this transit a fair amount on my Patreon and here on the podcast because it's the transit that really does a lot to articulate this Mercury Retrograde cycle. And so I want to remind you not to jump to conclusions and not to gossip, not to shit-talk, and to dot those i's and cross those t's. It's a Mercury Retrograde, and when Mercury Retrograde opposes Jupiter can get real messy. Let's keep it as tidy as we can this Mercury Retrograde.

I'm going to run through these transits one more time. On the 11th, the Sun and Uranus are exactly trine to each other. On the 16th, Venus and Mars are exactly square to each other, and the Sun and Neptune are exactly opposite each other. And then, on the 17th, Mars and Chiron are exactly sextile to each other. Short and sweet, just like me.

Okay. If you get value from Ghost of a Podcast, please do join me over on Patreon, where I drop lots of content all the damn time. And if Patreon's not your vibe, please consider hitting that Subscribe button wherever you listen to this podcast and giving the show five stars and writing a positive review. It always means so much. It really does.

Whatever you do this week, be kind, patient, and nurturing to yourself and others. And I will talk to you next week. Buh-bye.