Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

Jessica: Okay. First of all, you titled your email the best title of any email I've ever gotten. We're totally naming the episode after that. Yeah. It's perfect. So I was just like, before you get a reading, I want you to know no matter where this goes, we're calling it "Recovering Scumbag" because it's so good.

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. What would you like a reading about today?

Guest: Well, I've been listening to your advice, and during this Mercury Retrograde, I've been really reevaluating things and sort of reassessing, and I've been getting into some sticky places. As I wrote to you, I am a bit of a recovering scumbag. There are definitely some not-great things that I'm taking responsibility for, and that's not always the cutest thing to do. Yeah. And I guess I'm wondering if there are things in my chart that can kind of help me out, and just on top of that, it kind of feels like there's a never-ending onslaught of⁠—just things, right?

Jessica: Yes. Yeah. Things. Things everywhere. Yeah.

Guest: Trying to learn from the past to make the things that continue to come a little bit easier to deal with. And one sort of more specific thing that I didn't mention in my initial question that has sort of happened since is my oldest daughter is not really speaking to me right now.

Jessica: Oh. I'm so sorry.

Guest: Yeah. It's a wicked bummer. Her birthday is coming up and stuff, too. And I would love to get any advice that you see in my chart around that for sure.

Jessica: Okay. So I'm going to ask you some follow-up questions, but first, I'm going to share your birth information if that's cool.

Guest: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Yeah. So you were born May 3rd, 1979, 10:45 p.m., in Danbury, Connecticut. And so my contexty questions is⁠—recovering scumbag. Love the term, but in reality, what do you mean by that? Are there specific things that you feel like you've done as a pattern or on loop, or what does that mean?

Guest: Yeah. I mean, I think I will affectionately say sometimes that I was under-supervised as a child. And I think that's sort of a way of me saying I was neglected. And again, we laugh so we don't cry. But it's not to put blame on my parents. I'm 43 years old, so we're past⁠—we're at least trying to get past that and really into what I can do to take responsibility and control for all of this. But I started⁠—I think I had my first cigarette when I was, like, eight. I had my first joint when I was 11.

I kind of fumbled through high school and my 20s and did relatively well considering how⁠—I think I was definitely using substances to kind of escape my home life, and I don't know. I behaved in a lot of selfish ways. I stole some boyfriends in high school that I still feel bad about. And I kind of thought that I had put those behaviors behind me, and then when I was 37⁠—and I would love to know if I was going through a particular transit, 37, because let me tell you something all was happening.

Jessica: Yes. There was.

Guest: But I repeated some of those scummy behaviors after I had really felt like I was out of it. I was in this "aha" moment where I was like, "Oh. Wow. Here I am, 37, and I'm so gay."

Jessica: So you just realized you're queer at 37?

Guest: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I think yes/and. You know?

Jessica: Yeah.

Guest: I knew, and I had actually⁠—the first time I tried to come out, I was 13 and I was sent to a therapist that was⁠—it wasn't like conversion camp, but it was those ideas. So, yeah, I really have struggled with knowing my ass from my elbows, like really just, who am I? And I really relied a lot as a kid and teenager on my family to tell me who I was, and that didn't work out that great. They're very homophobic. When I came out at 37, I really lost a lot of relationships that weren't great ones anyway. But I have a couple close relationships now, and they're good, and we do a lot of work on them. I guess I would just like to know how to not mess these relationships up.

Jessica: And are they friendships? Love relationships?

Guest: Yeah. One of each.

Jessica: Okay. Great. I've got lots to say, lots to say. So, back when you were 37, when you came out, that was 2018; is that correct?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: So⁠—good news⁠—that was when you were going through a Pluto square to Mars. It's a once-in-a-lifetime transit, and holy crap is it dramatic and often coincides with you coming to some sort of painful yet exciting confrontation with your sexuality, with your will, with your ego, and brings up confrontation, brings up fights. It also can give you amazing sex, like amazing⁠—maybe not so good for you, but amazing, sex.

Guest: It all checks out. It all checks out.

Jessica: Yeah. So the good news of this is this is a once-in-a-lifetime transit that doesn't happen to everyone, and it is never going to reoccur. It is done. And that transit happened right on the heels⁠—because of the way that your chart is written⁠—of a Pluto square to Mercury. So you had years of buildup of intense drama. And so I have to ask before I really dive in, where are you at with substance use?

Guest: I don't drink. Well⁠—yeah, I don't really drink. And I went like⁠—because the other day, I did have a little bit of a glass of wine, but that's all it was, and then I didn't really like it anyway. I do smoke marijuana fairly regularly.

Jessica: What does fairly regularly mean? Like several times a day or several times a week?

Guest: A day.

Jessica: Okay. And anything else?

Guest: Mm-mm.

Jessica: Okay.

Guest: Like currently? You're not talking lifetime? Because that's a different answer, but⁠—

Jessica: Nope.

Guest: Excellent.

Jessica: I mean, I inferred recovering scumbag⁠—I'm going to guess you did all the drugs and had all the experiences. So I'm actually going to start with why, like why now, we're having this conversation. And it's because you're going through your Uranus opposition. So, basically, everybody knows about the Saturn Return. And the Saturn Return happens around 29, around 59, closer to 90. But the Uranus opposition happens but once per lifetime, and it happens somewhere between your late 30s and early 40s. So, for you, this particular transit began in July of 2022, and it won't be over⁠—you have a long one. It won't be over until April of 2024. It's a longie.

Guest: So they range?

Jessica: They range, and that's because of the planets' movement. So, for instance, a Saturn Return can last seven days, and it can last a year.

Guest: Oh.

Jessica: Yeah.

Guest: Wow.

Jessica: Because of all of the outer planets⁠—they move slow, but then they retrograde. It may retrograde back and forth over a particular planet or a point in your chart, and in your case, you're having this July of 2022 through October 11th of 2022, and then it comes back April 24th of 2023. And then it'll be off and on, but closer to on, throughout the year until April 5th of 2024.

Guest: Wow.

Jessica: So a lot of people won't have this little period you're having right now, but you're just really lucky. But also⁠—sarcasm aside⁠—it is lucky because the Uranus opposition is the midlife crisis, or it's one of the transits associated with midlife crisis. It's when we hit this age where we're like, "Well, shit. I'm not old, but I'm sure as hell not young. I have lived my life in these ways, and I don't know how it's working. I don't know if it's how I want to be, if I'm where I want to be." And things start to explode because Uranus governs explosions and earthquakes and being hit by lightning.

And so things feel like they're moving at a really quick tempo because they are, and this feeling of a need to change to be more authentic, to live your life in a way that feels true to who you are, is part of why people's lives blow up in this period. And it's really challenging for a lot of people, especially in the places of your life where you haven't been authentic. And in your birth chart, you have Uranus as a part of a T-square between the Sun and Moon. So you've got a Uranus/Sun opposition, and both of those planets form a square to your Moon in Leo in the eighth house.

In your birth chart, you also have a Sun/Chiron conjunction in the fifth house. So⁠—

Guest: I knew I was going to hear about that today.

Jessica: Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are. I mean, Chiron is not involved in the T-square because it's not opposite Uranus. But it's an important part of this whole conversation because for you, whenever the issue of authenticity comes up, your identity immediately comes up for you. You can get instantly defensive. You can get really wrapped up because it's all in fixed signs, and it's not just in fixed signs; it's in fixed houses in fixed signs. And so the issue is kind of like, "Well, what do you mean, I haven't fixed this? What do you mean, you're hurt by what I did? I told you what I did, and then it should be done." Your emotions and your identity can come up so strong like a wave, and it's hard for you to slow down and be present and locate yourself.

And so you may react, react, react, react, react. And then, by the time you take a breath, it's like your situation's kind of steamrolled. Does that make sense to you?

Guest: It sure does.

Jessica: Yeah.

Guest: I had blamed that⁠—so I am studying astrology. So I had been blaming that⁠—this is what I use it for, really, is to blame things, right?

Jessica: Excellent. Well played. Well played.

Guest: So my Neptune being conjunct my Rising, I thought that that's what made me⁠—

Jessica: Not at all.

Guest: ⁠—the sad, weepy B-word.

Jessica: Okay. So the sad weepiness⁠—interesting. So it's interesting that you're conflating these two things because yes and no. So the Neptune conjunction to your Descendant is the part of you that weaves a story. It's a narrative because it's in the zodiac sign of Sagittarius. So, whenever you're caught up with narratives, you want to look to Sagittarius or Jupiter, sometimes Mercury. The reason why I'm sharing this with you is because the key words of astrology are really valuable, and once you realize, "Oh, it's a narrative," then you know what zodiac signs, what planets, are associated with "narratives."

There is a fantastical narrative that Neptune can bring, which is, "I am perpetually victimized." Neptune loves to be the victim. Neptune really doesn't feel like it is to blame. And if this helps to hear, a lot of wars are waged by people in the throes of Neptunian fervor. They have a belief that their vision is the right vision and that there's nothing they can do but follow that vision. So Neptune is in no way violent, but it is a planet that kind of puts everything up in the clouds. And so you can, from that fantastical place, kind of justify anything or explain anything because nothing's real anyways. So that's Neptune.

Uranus and the T-square focusing on your Moon is, "I shouldn't have to x." "I didn't mean to y." It's a little bit more, again, a fixed energy, so it's a little bit more like, "Come on. You know I was trying. Why would you be upset if you know I was trying?" And then, because Uranus and the Sun are pointing to your Moon, there can be waterworks. There's just this sense of you're emotional about it because it's the Moon. So, therefore, you may cry. Sure. But it's not just about crying for you. It's about you being in this state of emotionality that makes you feel⁠—how do I put this? It just makes you feel like if only people cared, if only you were better supported, then things will be okay.

The problem with this⁠—and I'm not saying that these things are wrong, but the problem with this is that none of this is about the other person, absolutely none of it. And this is where you can get into some major fucking dramas because if you or anyone follows a train of thought for too long and it's all about ourselves, what ends up happening is we're not listening; we're defending. And when we're in a state of defending ourselves, we're really only focused on ourselves. And so, meanwhile, the other person's still there or the other people are still there. And again, we have a snowballing scenario.

Let's add a little bit more to the mix just because life isn't complicated enough. That Sun/Chiron conjunction in the fifth says, "When will I be loved? When will I just be loved? When will I just be valued for what I am?" It's in the zodiac sign of Taurus. It's like, "I guess I have to turn myself inside out. I guess I have to suffer in order to be loved." And that is not inherently wrong thinking or right thinking, but it's an important place to start with acknowledging that that is the line of thinking that you tend to identify with because, again, the Sun is your identity. And this makes sense, right, so far?

Guest: Oh, 100 percent.

Jessica: Okay. Great. So the key here is to understand that when it comes to the Sun/Chiron conjunction in Taurus, in order to receive the love that you want and the care that you want and to be valued in the ways that you want, you must treat yourself and the people that you like and love and value with that same intention. And that's where you get in trouble because when we're in a state of reactiveness, defensiveness, when we feel victimized, why would you⁠—how could you⁠—focus on somebody else's needs? Because that feels like further injury.

So slowing down your pace of responding to your reactions is one of the best pieces of advice I could give you. And this is something you've heard me talk about on the podcast a bazillion times. No matter what methodology you use for self-care and for managing your emotions, creating a practice where you insert x amount of seconds or minutes or hours or days, depending on where you're at and what's happening, will really help you to have the full breadth of your reactions⁠, because nothing's going to stop that. I mean, come on, you've got a T-square with Uranus Sun and Moon. Nothing's going to stop that.

So let yourself have all those reactions without attaching to those reactions, which⁠—I will talk about why that's hard in a minute. But in regards to this T-square, it's actually very possible for you. In regards to something else in your chart, it's very hard. But we'll get there. So to allow yourself to have reactions without telling it to other people, without engaging with the person who you're triggered by, and I would say without even writing it down⁠—just let yourself be in emotion. And you can call it whatever, like, "This is my lavender phase. This is just what I'm doing." I don't know why I said lavender. I have lavender next to me. But you can just make it up, and just be like, "This is something I have to do, and I need to typically give myself 48 hours or 72 hours." My guess is you're closer to 72 hours of being in raw reaction mode.

And then you're going to set a date with yourself, and you're going to have a soothing tea because Uranus governs the nervous system. So you want something like a nervine. Lavender is a nervine. It's like herbs that calm the nervous system, so like a chamomile tea, a lavender tea, something that's just super soothing to your nervous system. So you're going to have a nice tea, and then you're going to sit down with yourself, and whatever is easiest for you⁠—maybe you're going to do some writing. Maybe you're going to talk into the voice notes of your phone. And you're just going to be like, "This is what I perceive has happened. This is what the other person or people perceive has happened." Two separate things.

Next up, "This is how I feel." Then, "This is how the other person or people feel, what they've told me they feel." So, you see, now we're just reporting facts. We're trying to organize facts. We're not in narrative. So we're working with that Neptune as well. And then, from there, it's, "What do I need? What do I perceive is what the other people need, or what have they told me that they need?" depending on the situation. And then, "How do I want to show up in this situation? Who do I want to be in this situation?"

And if you create this as kind of a system for yourself⁠—and you can add, subtract⁠—you know what I mean⁠—fuck with it. If you can approach this, what you'll find is it speaks to your fixed nature. You're in control. You get to decide. No one's going to create reality for you. And you're also not neglecting yourself. You're not reinjuring yourself from childhood by just knee-jerk reaction or repressing everything, because those are your easiest modes of operation, correct?

Guest: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Jessica: So this is like a system. You give yourself your three days, your 72 hours. Then you do this little exercise. And from there, you can assess what are the next steps, not what is the next step. What are the next steps? Because Sun in Taurus wants a quick, easy answer. "Everything's going to be fine. I'm going to fix this right now." Moon in Leo wants everyone to know how hard you're working, right?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: And then that Uranus in Scorpio absolutely puts you in this place where you're just like, "I have to fix the future immediately." So what you're going to do here is you're going to think about, "What are the next three steps I can take in this situation?" One might be, "Calming down before I do anything else." It can be a really subtle step. The next one can be, "Letting that person know, 'Hey, I'm not really ready to talk, but I really heard you, and I'm really sitting with it. And I want you to know I'm going to get back to you.'" It doesn't have to be going in with guns blazing.

So here's where things get complex. You've got Moon in the eighth house as a focal planet to a T-square. So that's when you're going to want to smoke all the weed of the world. That's when you're going to want to drink more, all that kind of stuff. And I'm not going to tell you that's wrong. I think at periods of your life, it probably was wrong for you with the substances you were using. But what I do want to encourage you to do is notice it. Just notice it and be honest with yourself about it and say, "Okay. If I need a little help and that help comes through weed, okay, fine." You said marijuana very specifically.

[crosstalk]

Jessica: It's Gen X on Gen X violence. I mean, we're just going to call it what we call it here, right? But for you, that Moon in the eighth house is addictive. Uranus is not addictive, but you've got really strong Pluto issues we haven't gotten to yet⁠—very addictive. And so, for you, I would say it is important to be mindful of the difference⁠—the very, very, very subtle difference⁠—between "I'm helping myself out here" and "I am harming myself." Sometimes checking out or getting that space that we can give is really, really helpful. And sometimes it's not helpful at all; it's just keeping you in your stuck position.

This is the problem with smoking too much weed over too much time, is that people get stuck, especially in the 40s and older. It's like you can smoke weed every damn day all day long in your 20s and 30s. By the end of your 30s, it starts to look a little like, "Huh. What's going on here?" for a lot of people, like a lot of people.

Guest: I actually stopped for like 20 years. So I stopped early 20s, and then 2020, I was like, "Oh yeah. This is the tool I need right now." So it's just been a couple years that I've been doing it again. I don't know. So I recently went through a program⁠—I have an eating disorder, so I'm in eating disorder recovery. And I think that weed helped me with that. It helped me to get into my body. It helped me to be a little bit more hungry. It is definitely something that I should probably consider perhaps weaning off of now that it's been useful.

Jessica: I mean, let me reframe it a little bit. Instead of weaning off, I would say being more present and conscious for your choices⁠—that's all—so that you might be about to smoke a bowl and then be like, "If I actually think about do I need to smoke a bowl, do I want to smoke a bowl, it might be like, 'No, this is just a habit moment,' or, 'I need to write in my journal,'" or it could be a bazillion different things. It's just about taking 30 seconds, three minutes, before you follow through on the impulse. That's what I would recommend because I'm not here to say that the weed is harmful to you. I mean, I think it can be at times, and I think it can be all the time for some people, but that's not what I'm seeing per se for you.

But I am saying that your nature is impulse/action, impulse/action. There's no breath between those two things. And that's what I would encourage you to introduce because from what I'm hearing, weed is not inherently your problem at this time. But the habits we're talking about are so deep in your nature, and Uranus requires such presence and you're going to be in this shit for so long, that being able to be present is the work. And if weed helps, fabulous. And how can you know if it's helping if you don't have a critical or discerning relationship to your relationship to weed? Which brings me to something else.

Okay. So you're in your 40s. Welcome.

Guest: Thank you.

Jessica: Saturn is conjunct your North Node in your birth chart. And so you may know this about me from listening to the podcast, that I don't like to fixate on⁠—so I like to talk about and consider, but I don't fixate on⁠—the Nodes behaviorally before the age of 40. So you're at the age where I definitely do. And you have the North Node conjunct Saturn in Virgo. What that means is you have come here in this life to figure out what habits you need to adopt to live in a way that reflects who you are and your integrity around who you are. So it's about having a lifestyle that reflects humility, that is true to yourself and⁠—this is the part you're not going to love⁠—it's all about taking responsibility for your part.

So focal planet as the Moon is like the Moon is the child, and Saturn conjunct your North Node is Saturn is daddy. And I don't mean father; I mean just daddy. You know what I mean. So this is really about taking ownership and responsibility of who you are as a grown-ass adult, which is hard.

Guest: Ew. Ew.

Jessica: That's right. Spoken not like a triple Capricorn, but yes, you are right. And so it comes back to⁠—and Saturn governs weed. So, again, this is why I'm not inherently concerned for you about the weed. Alcohol, yes. That is a concern because you have an unaspected Jupiter in the eighth house, so alcohol is something that you⁠—I imagine there's alcoholism in the family.

Guest: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: It looks like there's a physiological issue with alcohol you have to be very careful with. But weed is less of a concern in that regard as long as you have that daddy-style relationship with yourself about it where you're making a choice as a grown-ass adult. Now, that, my friend, brings us to Pluto. So fucking Pluto. Of course, Pluto. So Pluto in your birth chart is opposite to Venus, Mercury, and Mars. It's also conjunct your Midheaven, but we're not going to talk about that part. Venus opposite Pluto gives you really, really, really intense relationships. Mercury opposite Pluto gives you very deep thinking and also a tendency to be obsessive, very obsessive.

Guest: That's not like me at all. Just kidding.

Jessica: It can also make you negative towards yourself or others. Everybody's fair game as far as Pluto is concerned. And then you've also got a Pluto opposition to Mars, which gives you a really complicated and intense relationship to sex and anger and entitlement. And so these Pluto oppositions will often⁠—I call it trash-can-addict vibes. So you call it scumbag⁠—

Guest: What do you call it?

Jessica: Trash bag addict. You call it scumbag; I call it trash can. We're saying the same thing.

Guest: Same thing.

Jessica: So the thing about this particular configuration in your birth chart is that you want⁠—and I should say you have Pluto in Libra⁠—right? Gen X, Pluto in Libra. And you have Venus, Mercury, and Mars all in Aries. So the tension for you between what is fair and what is not fair⁠—it eats at your fucking brain. It eats at your guts. If something isn't fair, it is very hard for you to get away from narrative. It's very hard for you to get perspective, even if you're the one who's done something unfair. Right?

Guest: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Oftentimes, people with these kinds of oppositions will be involved in infidelity, other forms of cheating or lying or manipulation. And sometimes, you're like, "Yeah, I know what I'm doing," and other times, you're like, "I did not realize I was doing that until everything exploded in my face, and then I was like, holy shit." The thing that is so difficult with these placements is that when you experience longing, desire, hurt, all the deep emotions that Pluto can provoke or that are associated with Venus, Mercury, or Mars, it comes at you with such an intensity that it is hard to take a beat. It is hard to locate yourself.

The way I always described Pluto is like the undertow of the ocean. As soon as you engage with the undertow, you are down. It's rough. You know what I mean? No one beats the ocean. Similarly, when you are caught up in compulsive and obsessive thinking, when you're caught up in defensiveness and justification, you're kind of down. It's just like that's when you slip into the⁠—I'll say the least well adjusted of your behaviors and compulsions. And you do it because you're trying to survive. Pluto's our survival mechanisms. It's because you're trying to survive.

And so it's easy to justify pretty much anything that you say or do or don't say or don't do because you feel like you're drowning. And to other people, it can seem like a manipulation, honestly, because it is. It may not be a willful⁠—you're not like a genius mastermind trying to harm all people including yourself, but people can perceive it as a manipulation. That makes everything worse. And so this is where I come back to that original advice I gave you of taking your 72 hours without attaching to narrative, without writing it down, without telling other people, which is going to be very hard for you because you process things through talking about them, eh?

Guest: Mm-hmm. I do.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. And so⁠—

Guest: I was just going to say I really started trying to have conversations with myself, not necessarily out loud, but just⁠—I do need to talk everything out.

Jessica: You do. And I think talking out loud is perfectly fine. So that might mean creating an audio diary, and you might decide to delete each file as soon as it's finished being recorded, or you might decide to keep it. It doesn't matter. It's still an audio diary. I think that's better for you than writing in the first 72 hours because you can convince yourself of pretty much anything, and the way that your brain works⁠—you're very smart. You can convince pretty much anyone of anything in the moment. But you can convince me of something in the moment, and then when I walk away from you, I'm like, "Wait a minute." And now we have a bigger problem.

Now we have a bigger problem because now, again, I feel manipulated. And that doesn't actually get you what you want. It never does. I mean, it might for 15 minutes, but it doesn't. And I want to acknowledge that you mentioned that you're in recovery for an eating disorder. And Venus/Pluto opposition will often be associated with that because Pluto's very addictive, and Venus and Mars are related to the body in different ways. They're both opposite Pluto. And this desire to be smaller can really be very seductive, I mean, I think for anyone with any birth chart, but it can really be seductive because nothing about your birth chart is small. You're not small. You're very, very big.

And so I think a lot of people who are really big and are not cis guys have this feeling of, "Well, if I make how much space I take up physically smaller, then it kind of compensates or fixes it." And that shit doesn't happen. It's more about embracing the bigness of what you are and who you are. And of course, there are so many other layers to eating disorder stuff, and you're in a program, so I don't need to speak to that. But I want to congratulate you for being in recovery because that's no small feat.

Guest: Thank you.

Jessica: And I will also say that within all of this, it's important for you to figure out what your values are. It's really important for you to just take the time to make a list, to figure it out. You have the zodiac sign of Aquarius intercepted in your second house. And you were raised with religion; is that correct?

Guest: Heck yeah.

Jessica: And what religion was it? Do you mind if I ask?

Guest: Roman Catholic.

Jessica: Okay, because Aquarius is weird. It's just weird. It's new-agey and weird, and it's in your second house. It is the zodiac sign that is trapped with your values. So you have Capricorn on your second-house cusp, which is to say that you feel like there's a right and a wrong and a good and a bad and an evil and all that kind of stuff. I mean, there's kind of religious damage written all over your birth chart, to be honest. But that's actually not who you are. You are a glorious weirdo. You do have eccentric values and ideas. Yeah. A glorious weirdo.

Guest: I like that.

Jessica: And dare I even say⁠—

Guest: That's in my notes.

Jessica: Oh, good. You may even add queerdo to the mix.

Guest: Yes. Glorious queerdo.

Jessica: Exactly. And so the thing that's really important within that is⁠—I mean, you were really nurtured to not investigate that, let alone accept it. And so part of what the Uranus opposition does is it kind of confronts us with, "Okay. My childhood was my childhood. What am I doing now? What do I want to be?" And so, when I say investigate your values, what I'm really encouraging you to do is to step into that interception and explore what you actually care about, what actually⁠—not just your ideals. It's not about religion. It's very spiritual-adjacent, but it's not even specifically spirituality.

It's about what you value. Allow yourself to explore that. And the cool thing about it is you can come up with one list on Monday, and it can be a different list in a month. You don't have to write it in stone, even though that Capricorn on the second-house cusp is like, "Yeah, yeah. You do. You have to write it in stone and engrave it into a mountain." But you really, really don't. And the North Node Saturn conjunction⁠—Saturn's in the eighth. North Node's in the ninth. So it's hugging that cusp. It wants you to organize your days around what actually is healthy and what works for you, what you can manage, and it needs you to do it in a way that is spiritually honest.

Guest: I feel like ⁠—when I was given this chart, did we know I was going to end up in capitalism? Because I just feel like it's not conducive.

Jessica: Interesting. You feel like it's not conducive to living capitalism with this. Interesting. So what do you do for work?

Guest: Oh, I wanted to mention that, too. When you said that the Uranus opposition started in July⁠—July 2022, right?

Jessica: 2022. Mm-hmm.

Guest: The beginning of July is when I started a new job, which is actually an old job that I went back to. So I had worked at this awesome little nonprofit for about eight years, and I got super burned out. I was just burned to a crisp, went into a sales job. So, when you were saying that I could convince anyone of anything, I thought that was very funny.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

Guest: I'm not a great salesperson, though, because as you were saying, I do constantly think about all of the ways in which the world needs to be better, and why isn't it doing it right very now, thank you very much? The position that I've got now is a little bit more around social issues.

Jessica: What kind of work are you doing in the not-for-profit?

Guest: I'm coordinating volunteers.

Jessica: Great. Okay. Good. That's perfect for Saturn/North Node in Virgo. You're coordinating. You're organizing. You're getting into the details, and you're also in a service-based role. So Virgo really likes service and organization, and you're doing both. So I'm not mad at that.

Guest: After getting out of the sale jobs, my anxiety just got so much better, too. It just wasn't⁠—

Jessica: I can understand that. Your Saturn/North Node conjunction does want you to feel like you are in service to a bigger picture that has meaning.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: And I think that there are so many ways⁠—I mean, there's so much to talk about with capitalism, and I don't want it to derail us. I would say that your bigger problem with career is related to the Pluto/Midheaven conjunction, which is like a full hour reading outside of this, so I'm not going to get into it. But since you are a baby astrologer studying yourself through the chart, I definitely encourage you to investigate the Pluto conjunction to the Midheaven.

But I want to pull back. You mentioned something so important at the beginning, which is issues with your eldest child. What's going on there, and how old is she?

Guest: Tricky. So she's going to be 23 soon, and she is living with her dad right now for the first time. We separated when she was two, two and a half. And they got into a thing, a tiff⁠—a fight, I guess. So she was sort of with me and then would see him on the weekends until she was about 13, and then they got into a falling out, and she didn't see him until she was in her 20s. And now she's living there, and she has sort of⁠—the way that I'm seeing it is that she gets miffed over something relatively small and then just stopped talking to everyone in her life for long periods of time.

And what happened most recently is a friend of mine saw a TikTok where she was sort of complaining about her childhood and said some things that are not true. They're false. And I didn't take a lot of offense to it. I don't follow her on TikTok. It's her business. I think social media should be not monitored by your mom when you're 23.

Jessica: Right.

Guest: And so my friend told me about it and then decided to reach out⁠—and this friend that I'm talking about is like my family, so it's not just like a rando. But yeah. She didn't like it, and so she blocked us both on everything. She hasn't blocked me on text messages. I'm still reaching out and saying, "I love you." But she really kind of told me off the last time that we talked, and so I said, "You really owe me an apology." So, instead of giving me an apology, she's just avoiding talking to me at all.

Jessica: She's not talking to you. Okay. So here's a question for you. In what she told you she was upset about, have you sat with those things, or did you do the quick reaction to it?

Guest: Yeah, no, I didn't quickly react to it. No, because I have learned that I do that and I need to slow my roll for sure. Yeah. It's hard for me to see what she's saying as even in the realm of truth. I think it's definitely an exaggeration, and I don't know how it serves her. And I don't know if it's my business. I mean, it is and it isn't, you know?

Jessica: Mm-hmm. Does she make it your business? Did she tell you about it once it had come out?

Guest: Mm-mm.

Jessica: So you've seen the TikTok, but it's not like you had a conversation.

Guest: I haven't even watched the whole thing because my friend kind of told me what it was about, and my friend was more upset about it than me. And so I kind of clicked on it to see, and then I felt like I was reading her diary. So I got out of there.

Jessica: Yeah. Okay. Hold on for just a second. Will you say your full name and then her full name?

Guest: [redacted] That's my married last night. And her name is [redacted].

Jessica: Okay. Thank you. Okay. So she's a lot like you, eh?

Guest: Yeah. Leo Moon as well.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. She's your mini-me. Okay, because it's interesting. When we first started our conversation, you lead with your own childhood and the neglect, which I feel like is very classic of the Pluto in Libra generation. So you lead with that. And does she have a similar story?

Guest: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Yeah. So I want to, first of all, just sit with that for a minute. It is absolutely how parenting works that you don't escape your childhood when you have a child. In fact, the second we have a kid, we are back in our childhood family, and we're either repeating what our parents did or doing the opposite, which⁠—through the lens of astrology, the opposite is just a different side of the polarity. It's the same polarity. And so this is why it wasn't psychic that I could see that she would have a similar complaint of her childhood that you have of your childhood because, first of all, that's just very normal, for better or worse. And second of all, your Sun/Chiron conjunction is in the fifth house.

And so this feeling of "I wasn't loved the way I wanted to be loved. I wasn't prioritized by my parents" that you experienced is likely to be something that either happened or that your child would have a similar nature because here's the thing. We say treat others as you'd like to be treated, but that's actually not right. We need to treat others as they want to be treated. We need to love others as they want to be loved, not as we wish we were loved, because that gets us in trouble. And my guess is you gave her what you wish you had instead of what she right now feels that she needed. So does that make sense?

Guest: Yeah. Yeah. It makes sense.

Jessica: Did the two of you have a lot of fighting in her childhood when she was growing up?

Guest: No. Well, when she was a teenager, a little bit.

Jessica: A little bit, but not a lot of it?

Guest: No.

Jessica: Okay. So did this feel a little bit like it came out of the clear blue sky for you?

Guest: No. No, because she's like this with other people, and I think I knew it was just a matter of time before it happened with me. And I kind of had the idea that when it did happen with me, it was going to be a bigger thing because I'm me.

Jessica: Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. That makes sense. So here's my advice. You want advice about this, right?

Guest: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. When she's ready to talk, make her the promise that you will listen and not defend yourself and not even respond right away. And then, when you talk to her, say, "I'm just going to listen. I am not going to respond. I really just want to really hear you," and then, no matter how pissed off you are or hurt you are, what I want to encourage you to do⁠—and, seriously, to listen, and if you feel like you're hitting a place of overload where you're like, "This is some bullshit," or, "This is wrong," or whatever it is, to say, "Okay. One moment. I'm going to need to take a moment. I'm hitting overload, and I'm not able to hear anymore. I'm going to take a walk around the block. I'm going to go to the bathroom, and I'm going to stare in the mirror and do some affirmations"⁠—whatever. You don't have to tell her what it is⁠—to just be like, "I need a minute, because I want to still listen and I'm hitting a place of overload."

So give yourself the space to do that. And if she explodes and is like, "No," then you can be like, "Wow. I do that, too. Interesting. Good for me to see how it feels to be on the other side." And just let her have it. And then, at the end, say, "I really appreciate you sharing. It is a lot for me to take in, and I'm going to take it in before I respond. And I want you to know I love you," because that's what she needs. It's what anyone would need, really. And that doesn't mean she'll be satisfied, because she might just want to fight. This is like⁠—you understand this impulse personally, right?

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Cool. Okay. It doesn't look to me like this is a forever conflict. It looks to me like this is a necessary conflict. This is just all the things that never got flushed out. Your Uranus opposition is like, "This is the moment. This is the time." And I think some of her criticisms or concerns or her narratives are right. They're right for her, and they're valuable for you to hear. And some of them, they're her defenses and her narratives, and they require greater conversation and being able to stay present with that messiness of everyone is culpable. Everyone has responsibility, but mom has more responsibility than kid, even though kid is currently 23.

This is a great age for the two of you to be having this problem. I mean her age is a great age. What I've seen countless times, just countless times, is when children wait until their Saturn Return to have these conversations, there's a whole decade of trauma that has been perpetuated since. The younger this thing comes up⁠—which will often come up⁠—kind of the better. So this is a good moment for your birth chart, but also age-wise.

The thing that you're going to really need to kind of work with⁠—and it sounds like in this moment you're doing a great job with, but also, I know that this stuff kind of ebbs and flows⁠—is letting her have her emotions without having to direct them, change them, help, because the greatest help is you could be like, "All right. You set a boundary. You don't want to talk right now. I love you." I think that this is an issue in your line of feeling like, "My emotions deserve to be listened to." It's a really big theme. And so this is the kindness you can offer her. So do you have any questions about that?

Guest: No. I'm really grateful for it, and it all sounds right. And what you said about the matrilineage, it all tracks. I was so young when I had her. I did have a sense that our upbringings were going to be similar. We were living with my mother for some of it, so…

Jessica: Oh, wow.

Guest: Yeah. No, it sounds doable, and I'm really glad to hear that this is sort of what I'm supposed be doing right now and that it's a good age for her. She's the best. I know you called her my little mini-me. I won't tell her that just yet. I'll wait until things are going little better, but⁠—

Jessica: That's fair. That's fair. You are a lot alike, the two of you, which means you will both feel completely misunderstood, not loved properly, and when you get activated in that way, will just fight for your life. That's it. You go into this mode where you're fighting for your life, your very survival. That is rough. It is rough, but you know that feeling. You know that no one can talk you out of that feeling. The only thing they can do is love you out of that feeling.

And what that means is⁠—and again, you know yourself in your early 20s. You push them away. You push them away. You give them a reason to burn it all down. You try to burn it all down, and if they stay, then you're like, "Maybe. Maybe I can trust them." Your daughter is just the same, just the damn same.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: So it means, again, recognizing you're the daddy here. You're Saturn. This is your role. It's to be able to know who you are, know who she is, know the truth of what the two of you have experienced and your intentions, be able to be humble about where you've maybe gone wrong, and just to stay solid. The thing I love about Saturn is it's a lot like a big-ass, very old oak tree. It's got roots. It's got deep roots. And so it's about recognizing, "I can feel all kinds of ways. My branches and leaves can be shaking all the damn time, but at the end of the day, I know who the hell I am. Doesn't mean I'm perfect. Doesn't mean I always know what to do."

But it's about connecting to your root system and understanding that in one's early 20s, no matter how mature a person is or no matter how perfect their childhood was, that's not the time where you can do that effectively because you're still figuring out who you are and having experiences that validate or negate that. I mean, that's just astrology for you, a.k.a. time for you.

So, within all of this, I would say your relationship with your daughter but also just your relationships in general at this time⁠—maybe in general, but certainly at this time⁠—are challenging you to show up in ways that reflect who you actually are, who you want to be, to embody the changes you have been working towards and you may or may not have actually integrated and synthesized. This is not an easy time.

Most people do not love the Uranus opposition because it does blow your life up a bit. Personally, me, I kind of like it. It's messy. It's messy, so it's not like I 100 percent love it, but it is different than the Saturn Return. Saturn Return is like, "Oh my God. How will I survive?" Uranus is like running through an electrical storm.

Guest: I'm so surprised to hear this. After experiencing the Pluto square Mars, I am like, "Oh. This is the midlife⁠—I thought that was the midlife crisis." Is it just going to get worse? Is that why I'm feeling this way?

Jessica: Here's the thing. The midlife crisis is signified by three transits: the Pluto square to Pluto, which happened right when you're going through the Pluto square Mars, so they're connected because Pluto and Mars are opposite in your birth chart. It's also⁠—

Guest: Okay. So that was part of it.

Jessica: Mm-hmm. There's also the Neptune square to Neptune, which is also over for you. And this is like the final act. So you've been doing⁠—that Pluto square to Pluto is a deep confrontation with childhood shit. It's like all the shit you thought you worked out in your childhood, all of a sudden, it's like⁠, "And it's happening now, and you're older, and you should know better," and all this kind of heavy, messy stuff. The Neptune square to Neptune is a spiritual crisis. It is where we're meant to really be like⁠—whatever parts of our lives don't reflect our spiritual values become really painful and difficult. And then the Uranus opposition happens, and it's like, "Pew, pew, pew, pew." I don't know why⁠—that was guns. It was like old-timey guns.

But that's kind of what it feels like. It's just like things start to blow up. Things get explosive. And this is where people have kind of what seem like spontaneous breaks. So some people have mental health breaks. Some people have divorce, or they fall in love and they're like, "I'm going to get married after two days." All of a sudden, your child's on TikTok and not talking to you. These kinds of things can spontaneously happen, and they happen for reasons. Those reasons are so that you locate yourself and you embody what you've worked hard in your adult years to be, but you may not actually quite be yet.

It's so easy for us to be like data collectors. It's like, "I work on this part of me. I work on that part of me. I do this thing. I do that thing," but not synthesize. When we don't synthesize, then it's very easy to act out from these young places inside of ourselves instead of embody our adult shit. And your childhood never stops being your childhood. It's like the traumas we experience in our early development never stop being the foundation upon which we build. But we can build pretty much on top of anything, truly. And so it's about having a conscious build, a sustainable build.

The next thing that will come for you is your Saturn opposition to Saturn, which is the high-water mark of your Saturn Return cycle. So you'll be the midpoint between your first and second Saturn Returns when the Saturn opposition to Saturn occurs, and that will happen when Saturn's in Pisces, which is coming up. That is when it will really be about the paint on the walls are dry; what are you damn doing? What are you damn doing? And again, it comes back to values because Saturn will oppose your Saturn from the house of values, the second house.

So all the work you're doing now, all the work we've been talking about, prepares you for the Saturn opposition. And Saturn transits are the easiest transits to prepare for because Saturn always wants you to do homework and loves preparation. So you can't prepare for a Uranus transit. By definition, it's not possible. It's like preparing for an earthquake. I mean, you get a go-bag, you secure things to the wall, and you hope for the best. That's Uranus for you.

So it's about being present, all the stuff we talked about, and understand that there's going to be something that happens after that that is really going to be about embodying your values. So it kind of comes back together. It's like it reinforces your foundations, and that's emotionally trying and difficult, but it's so cool. It's so cool. It sets you up for the next phase of your life, which can be fucking spectacular. If you have a Saturn/North Node conjunction, yeah, growing old is going to be cool for you if you do your homework. So I'm a fan.

Now, have I addressed all your big issues with this? Do you have any lingering questions?

Guest: Yeah. The only lingering questions I have⁠—you've addressed everything and more, and it's so helpful. My lingering questions are around how I'm spending my time and making money and all of this. And so I've got my cute little nonprofit job that pays cute little money, and I also draw and I'm an artist. I have never monetized it. I've never tried to sell it or do anything business-wise, and I'm constantly being told to. It's not something that feels like a great idea to me.

Jessica: I agree.

Guest: But I just wanted to check in and see if that's something that my chart gives any wisdom on.

Jessica: So I agree with you because you love drawing, and the second you monetize it, it's going to change it for you. You're going to come at it with an editorial eye instead of a creative eye. And I just feel like, how many things in your life are pure joy without complications? Not, probably, that many. Drawing is⁠—it looks like a cathartic, meaningful experience for you. So I wouldn't monetize it.

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: I don't see that serving you. That said, I'm like, "Okay. Career. What do I look for?" I'm looking at the Midheaven. And yours is in Libra, and it's conjunct Pluto. So being an agent for change, catharsis, and healing is really something powerful and important to you. Does that need to be how you make money? No. Capitalism tells us the Midheaven is about how we make money, but that's not true. The Midheaven is about how we reach towards and achieve our vision for the world and for ourselves. And that is really⁠— it can happen alongside how we make money or completely separately from how we make money.

Part of what you're asking is about your day job, and part of what you're asking is about, "Is there a better day job?" And then part of what you're asking is about, "Should I be pointing myself towards a career, like a capital C Career, that's different than what I'm doing now?" although I would say that you could invest in what you're doing now in such a way that it is scalable and it is your career. But I don't know that this specific nonprofit is where it is scalable. So it might mean you need to have a bit of a strategy of, "I'm here for six months/I'm here for a year before I start looking for roles in other companies that have bigger budgets for this role, and I shift."

This isn't the place to be loyal at the expense of your own welfare, which⁠—I think you can kind of get married to your jobs and have a hard time leaving. So what you're doing now, if there was a little more balance in the environment and there was higher compensation, I think would be great for you. It's not perfect for you. I don't know that you need your job to be perfect for you. Do you? Do you want that?

Guest: I don't think I need it to be perfect, but I think that it's always nice to be able to afford the rent without panic.

Jessica: Now we're talking about money, right?

Guest: Right.

Jessica: That's a different topic because⁠—

Guest: Yeah. It gets all tricky and convoluted very fast.

Jessica: It does. It really, really does. And this is where I look at⁠—okay. So the work you're doing is actually good. The place you're doing it at can't compensate you for that. That's actually the most succinct thing I can give you in the time we have.

Guest: I appreciate it.

Jessica: This is like an hour-long conversation we could really have. So I would encourage you to spend some time looking at the internet places that people look for what kinds of companies have roles that are like what you're doing or are what you do. So it could be training volunteers, but it could be training employees. Not sure what the difference would be, technically speaking. So looking at what are the various names of this job⁠—because I think the same job often have different names in different industries⁠—and what is the compensation in other industries?

And explore that, because if you could have a job that ticks the boxes for your brain to be meticulous and of service and kind of working with people but also being clear about what your role is with people⁠—all the things that this job does, but be making better money, then you could focus on the things that you actually want to focus on, which are your personal life. So I don't see that as a trouble. I actually think you could be in more of a leadership role doing essentially what you're doing or a version of what you're doing and being paid a lot more for it. You just haven't looked for it. In a way, this kind of puts you towards⁠—it can put you towards HR-y things, but it's not specifically HR, is it?

Guest: No, it's not specifically HR.

Jessica: People with a Libra Midheaven will often end up in HR roles or basically a role where you're being diplomatic and supporting people on a team, not necessarily specifically managing, but supporting them and giving them the resources they need. That is a very Libra Midheaven kind of thing to do. I think that it's, for you, about exploring what's possible so that you can put yourself in a position, come the Saturn opposition to Saturn, that you're either in a better position or you're mobilizing into a better position for you.

And what this conversation is revealing⁠—and I imagine there's a lot more layers to this onion. But what this conversation is revealing is that it is about compensation. That's the thing that's missing⁠—a little bit of balance, a lot more money. So, again, do your research. That may very well exist. There is a way⁠—again, we're back to your fixed T-square with the Sun, Moon, and Uranus⁠—where you're like, "I made this decision, and I know it's true," based on probably zero research, right?

So this is where I say to you it might not work, and it might. And it might be that most every corporation is bullshit and not for you, but there's one that is. In might be that you end up working in a school setting, something like that. There are options that I see that you haven't explored because you've been busy but also because you get in your own way with all that fixed energy in your chart where you're just like, "Well, I know it. I already know, so what's the point in trying?"

Guest: Yeah.

Jessica: Very common thing that I hear from people with strong fixed placements is, "Well, I already know what that person is going to say. I already know what the answer is going to be, so there's no point in trying." And on the one hand, you do know lots of things, and on the other hand is nobody knows everything. You just gotta do your due diligence. That's the work.

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: Yeah. Sorry. That part wasn't as fun.

Guest: That's easy. No problem.

Jessica: Oh, good. So easy. I mean, listen. Mercury opposition to Pluto is really good at research. So, if you just do research⁠, imagine you're doing research for me or for a friend or for your kid or something. Imagine you're just doing research to get the information so you can present it to someone instead of you're trying to figure this out for yourself. That'll be easier for your brain.

Guest: Okay.

Jessica: Okay. Cool.

Guest: That's so weird. It doesn't seem intuitive, right? If I'm searching for something, then I'm searching for something for me. But you're totally right. I can feel the difference and that even if I'm like⁠—even if I know it's not for somebody else, if I treat it that way, it will feel different.

Jessica: That's just how you are. You'll research something to the end of time, some super random detail, easily for someone you care about. But for yourself, that's when your Sun/Moon in the T-square, your Sun/Moon stuff, kicks in and you're like, "I already know. What's the point? I'm spending all this energy, and there's no point," whereas there's always a point in finding the smallest detail of information for someone else because you believe information is power.

This is where astrology is so helpful in a way that I think is unique to astrology, is we can objectively see our parts and understand Mercury constantly craves information and is willing to research till the cows come home. And the Moon and Sun⁠—no, not even slightly remotely interested in that. The Moon and Sun wants to be comfortable at all times and doesn't want to waste its time. That's just our different parts. So it's about being like, "Okay. So, if my Moon's stubborn, I'll just access my Mercury." And it's doable. It's not that easy, but it is that simple in some ways.

Guest: I don't know how I would have figured myself out if I hadn't discovered astrology in your podcast. Seriously, it's been so remarkably helpful.

Jessica: Thank you. I really appreciate that.

Guest: It's so true, and I know this isn't just true for me. We are big bundles of contradiction and conflict, and it's really confusing.

Jessica: It really is, and I feel the exact same way about astrology. I don't know how people function without it because it's so validating to have a document to be like, "Oh, look. You're super bananas in this way, but you're so chill in this way." And they don't cancel each other out. They just all exist, so we can kind of work on our parts intentionally and then hopefully synthesize. And it's the synthesizing that is so key, especially after the age of 40.

Guest: My synthesize phase.

Jessica: It's your synthesize phase.

Guest: I love it.

Jessica: Integrate, integrate, integrate. I thank you so much for showing up and really getting into this stuff with me. This has been a great, great time for me. So thank you.

Guest: Me too, and thank you so much. I'm going to synthesize and integrate.

Jessica: I love it. That's what I want to hear.

Guest: Thank you. Thank you so much.

This is going to be another one of those preambles to the horoscope that if you don't like hearing about issues related to social justice/the news in general you're going to want to skip. You're just going to want to skip ahead to the horoscope. But if you're not, I invite you to hang out with me for a while.

Let's talk about Uranus in Taurus. Uranus in Taurus is a really important transit. We have been in it for quite some time, since 2018, to be exact. And the last time that Uranus was in Taurus, it was World War II. Nothing to see here, right? Uranus has been conjunct to the North Node since mid-April of 2022. It will stay right on top of that North Node until early February of 2023. So we got another minute of this thing.

Additionally, we are moving into Eclipse season. We will have Eclipses on the 25th of October as well as the 8th of November. I'm not really talking about Eclipses here, but I think it is worth mentioning that these Eclipses are happening in the same polarity as Uranus in Taurus is in. It's happening in Taurus/Scorpio energies. So we are seeing a real uptick of Uranus in Taurus. And in particular, as we look at global conditions, we can see the shadow side of Uranus in Taurus in action.

When I reference that the last time Uranus was in Taurus we were undergoing a world war, I want to acknowledge that the date that a world war is declared is not the date that humanitarian crises or troubles begin. Crises have to be happening for a meaningful amount of time before we're going to declare a world war. Now, I only say this because if we don't know our history, it's really hard to understand the conditions that we're in today. And so, looking at our current conditions in a personal sense but certainly in a global and political sense⁠—doing so without a context of what brought us here, it's like it's not quite it.

Currently, the governments of many nations around the world are violently turning against their own people, perpetrating grotesque human rights violations. The actions of the Iranian government and its so-called morality police and the murder of Mahsa Amini for wearing her headscarf allegedly incorrectly have led to the current uprising, which has spread to most of Iran's 31 provinces. Protesters, including children, have been killed and the internet has been effectively cut.

But the solidarity and strength of the Iranian people is the positive side of Uranus in Taurus, the power of the people to come together and advocate for their dignity and their rights, and in particular the dignity and rights of women, because we know that the transit of Uranus in Taurus tends to directly impact women. And anything that directly impacts women also inevitably impacts the rights and conditions of LGBTQIA people. This is a really important thing to keep in mind because essentially, an attack on women is an attack from cis men and their allies against all people who are not cis men.

But what's happening in Iran is not the only thing that's happening, of course. According to the head of the World Health Organization, the humanitarian crisis in Tigray is the worst in the world today. More than six million people, six million humans, have been sealed off from basic services. We're talking about food, access to their own money, medicine, telecom. I mean, this has been going on for several years and is something that we don't hear about here in the West very much at all. Human rights groups believe that China has detained more than one million Uyghurs against their will over the past few years in what the state calls reeducation camps, but what they are are the largest incarceration of an ethnic minority since the Holocaust.

I don't talk about global politics very much on the podcast for a number of reasons. One is, as an astrologer, I don't have the capacity to study the astrology of all the nations of the world. Also, I'm not a historian. I am not a political scientist. I'm not an expert in global conditions/global politics at all. Another reason why I don't do it is because every time I name one thing that is happening outside of the country that I live in, I can't help but think of all the things I'm not naming.

But I want to just acknowledge that even as I am sharing this with you, I am overwhelmed. It is easy to become overwhelmed by this kind of bad news, but it is important to be informed, and it is important to have empathy and to care. As people of conscience, as spiritual people, it is essential that we don't only care about ourselves and we don't only care about our individual communities, but we understand that injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere. And on that tip, it's essential to acknowledge the climate crisis.

We have a serious lack of infrastructure to cope with the climate crisis. And places like Pakistan, Puerto Rico, Mexico, and countless others are being hammered by extreme climate crises. It's really very serious. And of course, it is the most vulnerable amongst us that suffer in all of these regions and, of course, all the ones that I haven't named as well. Meanwhile, corporations are getting ready to mine the literal bottom of the Pacific Ocean so that we can have electric cars. Let that sink in, my friends. We are trying to move away from fossil fuels, and in order to do that, we're going towards electric cars, which require us to mine the bottom of the ocean? How is that going to go?

At the same time that all of this is happening, for the first time since World War II, Italy seems poised as I record this to elect a neofascist leader, the first neofascist leader that would rise to power since fucking Mussolini, who, again, was in power last time Uranus was in Taurus. All the while that this is happening, Putin and Russia have stepped up the war and are talking about drafting people, and Putin has threatened using nuclear warheads. I mean, this is a really tense time where we see issues happening globally that absolutely require our awareness and our care.

I want to say that if hearing news compels you to contract, I want to just invite you to notice that, to pay attention to it, because when we hear about potential bad things or very real bad things, when we hear about the suffering of others, there's always an opportunity to expand and to activate from a place of empathy and care. And that's very difficult to do all the time, and it's very difficult to do as a first response to our emotions. We feel bad; we contract. We shut down. We feel bad; we contract. We point fingers. We blame. We do a million different things.

Right now, I understand from an astrological viewpoint, anyways, that this time with Uranus in Taurus is calling us to find ways of caring, material ways of caring, about the value of others, the value of the planet, the value of people. And a good way to do that is by tapping into your empathy and care⁠—it's a power⁠—and finding experts⁠—but not stopping there, right? This has to happen on a 3D as well. Find the experts and the helpers who have been showing up and amplify their work. Follow their instructions. It is very important, especially for people in the West, to not center ourselves as we learn about the world and we try to show up and help. Amplify the stories of others, of people who are living through whatever situation it is, and care. This is huge.

But when we can do more than that, when we can activate and do something in the material world, that is fucking great. Uranus in Taurus is challenging us to look at who and what we value. This upcoming Eclipse season, the Solar Eclipse will be in Scorpio and the Lunar Eclipse will be in Taurus with Uranus conjunct the Full Moon. This Eclipse season is challenging us to really come to terms with what we care about, what we value, what we in the deepest and most true way hold dear and what we're willing to do about it⁠—moreover, what we're willing to let go of.

Uranus is related to individualism, and of course, the shadow side of that is toxic individualism. And so this is a good time to excavate, to investigate, our relationship to those things. It's not easy, and it takes humility. It's emotionally quite painful, but again, empathy is a power, and it's a power we should step into. I've talked about on the podcast and elsewhere before how when people of conscience and spiritual people say, "I don't want to sully my vibration by focusing on these bad things," it is a betrayal because inherent to that is kind of this assumption or belief that people suffering through systemic oppression somehow deserve it. Somehow, their vibration is low, and if they kept their vibration high, it would be different. But that's not the case.

And when things are at this intense of a tipping point globally, it is hubris to think this way. It's dangerous to think this way, and especially because when groups of people have a feeling that their individual comfort or freedoms are threatened, this is when the powerful can capitalize on this by seeking to strip the humanity of marginalized people and scapegoat those people, scapegoat those groups of people. And we already see this happening in the regions I named and all over the world.

It is important to understand, to believe, that everybody's humanity is worth preserving and that all people are deserving of their dignity. And Saturn is back in real close aspect to Uranus, forming a square to Uranus. And this is very important for us to pay attention to. It is one of the many factors that are leading to things really being on an uptick. And this is where we see more patriarchal domination. Thanks, fucking Saturn. We see more patriarchal domination as, again, these kinds of systems essentially try to clamp down and become more repressive, more controlling. As always, they're just controlling and consolidating power at the top for themselves.

What we need is a shift in governance and a shift towards sustainability and greater consideration for all people. The last time Uranus was in Taurus, this is not what happened, though. We had the destabilization of much of the world as the few and powerful strove to maintain their power, justified by their religious and racial or ethnic identities. And we are seeing this again, right? There is no race, religion, gender, sexuality that is superior to another. That is just wrong, straight-up wrong.

And so I want to say don't fall for this. When we shut down our empathy, we lose parts of our humanity that are hard to get back, and we suffer as individuals and the world suffers. In the words of Dr. Ghebreyesus, "Can the world come back to its senses and uphold humanity?" I don't know, but I want to invite you to engage with this question and to do your individual part. You can only do what you can do. You can't take on the whole world and all the things all at once, and that's okay. Find a way to do what you can do. Thoughts and prayers are good. Thoughts and prayers are great. But if you can, don't end there. Follow it up with action.

To that end, I do have an action to share with you. It's a little techy, so bear with me for just a moment. But if you want to help folks in Iran or war resisters in Russia⁠—basically, people who are in regions where the government has put a clamp down on internet access⁠—you can install an extension on your Chrome or Firefox browser. It's called Snowflake, and it's by the Tor Project. It's free, and as far as I understand, it's safe. But listen. You gotta do your own due diligence and do your own research to make sure that anything you install on your computer is safe.

But what Snowflake by Tor does is it allows people to circumvent censorship in areas where the internet has been restricted. And so it is a really great thing that you can do to help people, especially if you're in the West and you have unrestricted access to the internet, and it can be a meaningful help. And if you have friends or family in Iran, you can send them Snowflake's Persian/Farsi user guide so that they can use it; they can easily connect with the Tor network. I'm going to put links to this in show notes so you will have it. So just check the show notes if you're interested in links to Snowflake or the user guide.

Okay. Thank you for staying with me through this. Let's get to your horoscope. So we are looking at the astrology for September 25th through October 1st. Before I give you the details of this horoscope, which starts off with a New Moon in Libra, I just want to invite you over to my Patreon because on the 1st of every month, I drop a month-ahead horoscope, and it not only gets you ready for the month ahead, but it's also just different content than what I drop on the weekly podcast. So, if you want a little bonus episode⁠—and by little, I mean more than hour-long horoscope⁠—then, yeah, join me over there on the kittens level.

This week starts off with a New Moon in Libra on the 25th of September. And New Moons always occur when the Sun and Moon are at the exact same degree of the same sign. This New Moon is exact at 2:54 p.m. Pacific Time. It's happening at 2 degrees and 48 minutes of Libra. And there's so much to say about this New Moon. Okay. Generally speaking, New Moons are a great time for planting seeds. They're a great time for manifesting. They're a time where we're beginning; we are renewing. And it is beautiful.

In this New Moon chart, there are some things to be concerned about. One is Mercury is still Retrograde, right? Mercury is Retrograde; we're following our rule of re's. We're reflecting. We're reassessing. We're doing our damn best. But Neptune is opposite that Mercury Retrograde and opposite to Venus. And so what we can expect is confusion, overwhelm. This would be a terrible time to follow paranoia down a path, any path. This would be a bad time to be too idealistic about yourself or others. So that means putting others on a pedestal or going in the opposite direction and placing people under your boot.

This is a time where we may see, because of Neptune, a spark in religious extremism. Let's see another iteration of that. Okay. Thanks, Jupiter. We've got Jupiter in Aries sitting opposite the Sun and Moon. This also can be related to an increase or spike in religious extremism. And again, we are seeing this all over the world. We're seeing this here at home in the United States very much⁠—very, very much⁠—as well.

On a personal tip, a New Moon in Libra can be a time where you come to a greater sense of clarity or presence with your relationship to yourself and, from that foundation, your relationship with or to others. A New Moon in Libra can be a time where you come to peace, and sometimes coming to peace means coming to a place inside of yourself where there's restlessness or a lack of peace and finding a way to just be there. But with the Jupiter opposition, there's more of a wild card at play, for better or worse, my friends, for better or worse.

Jupiter opposite the Sun and Moon can spark us to jump to conclusions, to gossip, to believe everything we hear, or to really just lean deep into our confirmation biases. Jupiter opposite the Sun and Moon can inspire a measure of hedonism or self-indulgence that is healthy and much needed or that is actually unhealthy and a meaningful distraction from being authentic or being in alignment with yourself, being in integrity with yourself. The potential for spiritual growth and development is really high with these conjunctions and oppositions. So the conjunctions are the Sun and Moon in Libra and then Mercury and Venus in Virgo, and then the oppositions are Neptune opposite Mercury/Venus and Jupiter opposite the New Moon, a.k.a. the Sun/Moon conjunction.

But whenever we have oppositions, there is a risk that we're going to project our shit out onto another person or people, or that other people are going to project onto us, because oppositions often function that way, through projection. What you can do with this information is check in with yourself. Make sure that you are not projecting your shit onto others. Make sure that you're not taking it personally when people project onto you, because not everyone has an astrologer and knows what's up. So sometimes we just kinda gotta have a little bit of grace. Luckily, Neptune can help us to have that grace, but it's not always that easy.

The New Moon in Libra intensifies our need for connection, our need to feel part of something. And having both Jupiter opposite this New Moon and the Neptune placement, it can intensify our willingness or need to be of greater service or to show up and be a part of something that's happening on a social level, much like the stuff I've been talking about at the start of this horoscope. What is lovely to see is that Pluto is forming a trine to the Mercury/Venus conjunction and sextile to Neptune. What this means is that our thinking and our connections is strengthened and intensified by Pluto. So you don't need to go it alone. In fact, it's not a great idea to go it alone this New Moon. It's a New Moon in Libra, after all. It's relational.

Now, the other thing to keep in mind, as I was kind of talking about in the intro, is that Saturn is square to both Uranus and the North Node. And so, on a personal level, you may be really struggling to figure out, "Is this too much? Is it not enough? Do I need to burn it to the damn ground, or do I need to build it up?" This tension between Saturn and Uranus is a tension of structure, sustainability, and autonomy. It's deep. It's intense. And so don't clamp up, because both Saturn and Uranus tend to clamp up. They tend to be constrictive when they're really stressed. Try to just ease into the discomfort of whatever it is you're dealing with inside of yourself or in your life and be interested in it. If you can investigate from a place of clarity about your own values, that'll help.

Now, when it comes to engaging with the world, this just means do your due diligence. Don't have one source. Research multiple sources. This is a really important thing to do no matter who you're listening to, no matter what you're reading and where you're reading it. You always want to get a second or a third opinion. Me personally, I like at least a third opinion to make sure that I'm properly informed, especially when we're taking actions to benefit or support regions of the world that we're not in and maybe we don't know much about. Saturn square to Uranus both makes that really stressful because this transit can bring up a lot of nervous tension, but it also gives us the tools to do it because it is Saturn and Uranus. So we can take steps and be aware of our agitation or irritability but still continue to take steps. So that's the New Moon on the 25th.

Now, on the same day, it is important for me to note that Venus is trine to Pluto, as I named. And this transit is important for me to just take a moment to pull out of this New Moon chart because it is strengthening and fortifying for our relationships. It is a transit that is excellent for connecting with people and cultivating intimacy and closeness, or at least a little flirty something-something. Because of Neptune and Jupiter, we may jump to conclusions. We may make assumptions. We may get a little paranoid, a little waka waka, if you will. But what this particular transit does is it gives us the potential to connect in a deep way and in a real way that promotes intimacy. You just don't want to get carried away. That's the key. Let things play themselves out before you make assumptions, before you decide that something is certain in any direction.

And, my friends, that brings us to the 26th. So, on the 26th, the Mercury conjunction to Venus is exact, as is the Sun opposition to Jupiter. Both of these transits that, again, were active in the New Moon chart are exact on the 26th. So Mercury conjunction to Venus is⁠—it's when our mind and our social sensibilities are on the exact same line of the exact same page. This can make it nice to socialize, to⁠—if you're working on any kind of projects that require your creativity or for you to articulate something that is important to you⁠—this is a great transit for doing it.

The trouble only is that the Sun opposition to Jupiter⁠—which is not a bad transit at all, but it makes us restless and impatient and more likely to jump to conclusions and that kind of thing. And it doesn't help that Mercury is Retrograde in this conjunction. So, if you're working on a project, make sure you triple-check your work, you dot those i's and cross those t's, as the saying goes, and this will help a great deal.

Now, the Sun opposition to Jupiter is one where we are likely to jump to conclusions, where we are likely to jump into the pool before first checking, is there water in this pool? This transit can be one where you want to take risks, so if you have a tendency to drink a lot or gamble in any context, yeah, you're really going to feel it with the Sun opposition to Jupiter because Jupiter is a gambling, rambling planet. That's just what it does. And so, when it's opposite to the Sun, which represents our identity and our will, it makes us feel like, "Yeah, fuck it. Why don't I just go for it? What's the worst that could happen?" The answer is, of course⁠—according to this Capricorn⁠—a million things could happen. But Jupiter doesn't really care about thinking that part through.

So Sun opposition to Jupiter can therefore be related to FOMO, fear of missing out syndrome. You've heard of it. So, if you're feeling any kind of heavy FOMO, just be like, "Oh, right. It's the transit," and try to sit with those feelings or those impulses and, again, investigate them or don't give them too much heaviness. Now, that's the negative side of this transit. There's so much positive with this opposition, and it's good to remember that oppositions to Jupiter are often really lovely.

So, when the Sun opposes Jupiter⁠—and I should say that this is happening at 4 degrees of Libra⁠—the Sun will technically be at 3 degrees and 42 minutes of Libra. Jupiter is at 3 degrees, 42 minutes of Aries, but we're going to round that up to a 4-degree opposition between the zodiac signs of Libra and Aries. So, if this particularly hits your chart, you're likely to feel it. This transit can spark creativity. It can spark excitement and enthusiasm. It can make us feel more gregarious and open to adventure and certainly more generous. This can, in turn, increase our sense of happiness or contentedness, which⁠—hey, man. Who doesn't like that?

Also, Jupiter is related to luck. And so you may just kind of step into a puddle of sunshine with this Sun opposition to Jupiter, which is really exciting. And when I say a puddle of sunshine, I mean good fortune may come your way. Good news may cross your inbox, as it were. When it comes to Jupiter, we can be a little arrogant. We can be a little cocky. So you want to watch out for that. But unless that's already your nature, it is unlikely to be a big risk. The joy of a Sun opposition to Jupiter is we're letting control go a little bit, and we're letting more sunlight in.

And this transit can remind us of our own agency and of what we really care about, of what we love, and of what we enjoy. And it can inspire us to show up for others, maybe in really small ways that have big impact. If you are trying to make an impact in your life by healing something within you or in your relationships or in the world at-large, this Sun opposition to Jupiter is really profound, or at least it can be, for bringing healing to things or energizing things. So this is energy to certainly be aware of and pay attention to, my loves, pay attention to.

Luckily, those transits⁠—the Mercury conjunction to Venus and the Sun opposition to Jupiter⁠—overlap with a Mars trine to Saturn and a Mercury trine to Pluto. Those two are exact on the 27th of September. So I'm going to start with the Mercury trine to Pluto. Again, I talked about this in the New Moon chart, but Mercury trine to Pluto is fortifying for our thinking. It is excellent for strengthening our social connections. It is excellent for learning something new. If you have to read something that you've been kind of putting off reading, if you're trying to understand something and your brain is not quite getting there, Mercury trine Pluto is excellent for deepening our concentration and our comprehension.

It's also really a nice transit to have overlap with the Sun opposition to Jupiter simply because it grounds the impulsiveness and maybe the arrogance of Jupiter, which is nice. So does the Mars trine to Saturn.

So Mars trine Saturn is incredibly fortifying and grounding, which I love. Mars is the ego. It's the ambition. It's the sexuality. And Saturn is reality and responsibility and big-picture plans and ambitions. And so, when they're forming a trine to each other⁠—these two planets⁠—we can effectively make plans, like really effectively make plans. We can start a project or engage with the project in a way that is effective, efficient, and feels good because Mars is so much about our embodiment, what we're materially doing, but how it feels in our bodies to do it. And when Mars forms a trine to Saturn, there's a message here about sustainability. The way we are approaching things is likely to be sustainable under this transit. And again, it's very grounding for the Sun opposition to Jupiter.

Having a transit like this promoting follow-through, promoting our perseverance, is just⁠—it's a beautiful thing. You know what I mean? It's a really useful thing. So, if there's something kind of difficult or annoying, like something essentially Saturnian that you've got to get done, I would definitely try to do it around the 27th. That would be your date. In particular, I should say Mars will be at 19 degrees of Gemini and Saturn at 19 of Aquarius. So, if you've got planets that are going to get directly aspected by Mars or Saturn, you're definitely going to feel it.

That brings us to the last transit of the week. And luckily, it's a real good one. Venus opposite Jupiter is a transit that is really lovely. I mean, the only downside of this transit is you can eat too much delicious food, drink too many delicious beverages, and spend too much money. Venus opposite Jupiter can be a time where you just kind of overindulge. That's the downside to pay attention to, but the rest is all upsides, baby.

Venus opposite Jupiter is excellent for increasing your sense of generosity, much like the Sun opposition to Jupiter is. You may be feeling more optimistic, more positive, more open-minded and openhearted. This transit can spark feelings between you and another person⁠—not inherently a long-term thing when we feel feelings during this transit. So do your best to just enjoy a flirtation for what is if you have a new flirtation on or around this date. This can be a time that is really fun for loving on people and being loved. This can happen with your platonic relationships as well as your romantic relationships.

If you've been feeling a little bit of a lull in your interpersonal or romantic life, let people know how you feel about them. Show them, tell them, whatever is appropriate for you. Venus opposite Jupiter is a great time for socializing and hanging out⁠—I mean, of course, with a mask on if you're doing it in public spaces indoors because pandemic and everything. But it's a great time for socializing and enjoying the arts and just generally partying. So, yeah, have fun. Venus opposite Jupiter.

Jupiter is related to many things, including religiosity. And so this can be a time where you tap into your spirituality and you are able to better align it with your value systems⁠—that's Venus. And so, if that's something you've been working towards doing, understanding your relationship to religion or to spirituality, this transit can be quite helpful for that. It will take intention to move the energy there, but it is absolutely a good use of this energy if that's relevant to your life.

I feel like a lot of times, a transit like this will just spark⁠—you'll hear a song that you're like, "Fuck. Yes. This song is it," and you have a day where you're just inspired by a song or by an album or whatever. This can be a time where we just feel really good, as inspired by our relationships or by creativity or the arts. So, as long as you don't blow all your money or over-imbibe delicious things to where you cross the line between "This was fun and delicious" to "Oh, now I feel bad," this is just a great transit for you to enjoy. And if things have been really hard for you, this is a great transit to just lean into a little bit of hedonism. Just take a break and tap into your senses and enjoy.

So that's your horoscope for September 25th through October 1st. I'm going to quickly run through all the transits. But as always, if you're interested in keeping track of the transits, the easiest way to do that is to go to astrologyfordays.com and subscribe to my little astrologer's pro tool where it tracks all the transits and you can keep notes about your own predictions, the shit I say, other astrologers say, and this can help you not only learn astrology in a substantive way, but also to prepare for the highs and lows of this thing we call life.

Okay. On September 25th, we have a New Moon in Libra, exact at 2:54 p.m. Pacific Time, and we have a Venus trine to Pluto. On the 26th, we have an exact Mercury conjunction to Venus as well as an exact Sun opposition to Jupiter. On the 27th, we have an exact Mars trine to Saturn and an exact Mercury trine to Pluto. And then, finally, on October 1st, Venus is exactly opposite to Jupiter.

Thank you so much for joining me for another week of Ghost of a Podcast. My dearest hope as a triple Capricorn is that it is both instructive and helpful to you and also inspires greater critical thinking and engagement in your life and the world at-large. This is a period where we all need greater emotional intelligence because it is emotional intelligence that⁠—at least I believe⁠—is the foundation for our ability to be able to do what's right in challenging times, whether it's easy or not, whether anyone's looking or not. So keep on showing up, and I will talk to you next week. Buh-bye.