Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

Hey there, Ghosties. In this episode, I'll be doing a live reading with one of my beloved listeners. Every Wednesday, listen in on an intimate conversation and get inspired as we explore perspectives on life, love, and the human condition. Along the way, we'll uncover valuable insights and practical lessons that you can apply to your own life. And don't forget to hit Subscribe or, at the very least, mark your calendars because every Sunday I'll be back with your weekly horoscope. And that you don't want to miss. Let's get started.

Jessica:            So, Tony/not Tony Danza, what would you like me to check in with your tiny sparrow, who is literally on your shoulder, about?

Tony:              Yeah. So I'm going off to grad school this fall, and I haven't really made up my mind on whether or not I should bring him with me. We're pretty attached at the hip, but he is close to family members of mine. And the thing I'm most concerned about is just making sure⁠—not only are we quite close, I mean, given his name, too, he's a majestic creature despite his tiny size. And he's used to living in leisure. Let's put it that way.

Jessica:            Yes.

Tony:              And my surroundings might not necessarily be leisurely where I'm going. So I want to make sure he's going to be comfortable.

Jessica:            So I have to ask⁠—I didn't know that people had pets⁠—it's a sparrow, right? That tiny, tiny little⁠—

Tony:              Yeah. He's a house sparrow. Yeah. So kind of the backstory there⁠—I've had him for about eight years, and I was volunteering with my local wildlife rescue when I adopted him, actually, from another foster parent who suddenly passed away, unfortunately.

Jessica:            Oh, wow.

Tony:              And there was this sparrow who needed to be taken in. He had a permanent injury that rendered him flightless, so he couldn't be released. And sparrows⁠—house sparrows⁠—are one of the few wild birds that aren't protected by the Migratory Bird Treaty Act, so you don't need any kind of licensure to own one. They're kind of categorized as pests in a lot of areas because they're not native, technically, even though they've been here since the 1850s. So that's how I have him, and it's okay for me to own him. Yeah.

Jessica:            I mean, I was just like, "How did he end up on your shoulder?" But that's how, because he's a house sparrow.

Tony:              Yeah. That's the story. And then kind of the other half of the story is that I've always loved animals, but once I hit puberty, I actually started becoming really allergic to anything with fur, so hence kind of doing the wildlife rescue thing and looking at alternative pets, feathered animals. And he was just the perfect match. So…

Jessica:            He's so adorable and perfect. So I have to ask another question. I know nothing about sparrows, and this is actually going to be my first time talking to one or trying to talk to one. But what is the average life span? Eight years seems like a long time.

Tony:              It is a long time. And that's a good question. I don't think it's a priority question for a lot of people out there because, again, they're kind of just pest animals in most people's minds. In the wild, their average life span is three to five years. In captivity, it seems like the average is, like, 12 to 14, with a recorded sparrow being as old as 23 years old. So⁠—

Jessica:            Wow.

Tony:              ⁠—[indiscernible 00:03:26].

Jessica:            That's amazing.

Tony:              Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. And are you currently living with family?

Tony:              I am.

Jessica:            You are. Okay. So it's not just about, "Take him with me or not?" It's like you can leave him in the house you're in.

Tony:              Correct. He's used to this environment. He's used to people in it. And because he's⁠—I mean, he's just been socialized around humans and his whole life. We are his flock. I know that to be true for him. And I wouldn't want to displace him, even though, definitely, there's a part of me that just wants him as close as possible.

Jessica:            Yeah. And you have referred to him as a house sparrow. That means it's not like you go to the café and he comes with you and he hangs out on your shoulder. He stays in the house.

Tony:              It's not like house cat. House sparrow is actually his common name for his species.

Jessica:            Oh. I didn't know that. Okay. I'm glad I asked.

Tony:              No, it's a good question. And it's still more or less true, what you're thinking, as well. I don't usually take him out. I've taken him out before, like to go to the vet. When I first adopted him, he had an infection. Because of his injury and his attachment, he's never tried to get away. I take him outside to get sun, but he doesn't go much further than that.

Jessica:            Okay. Okay. All right. So you want me to check in with him, and what is it that you want me to ask? Is it that you want me to ask what he prefers, or do you want me to tell him that you're planning on leaving? What's⁠—

Tony:              Oh, that's hard. I do want him to know. I think he should know. And I've left before. So, another point of clarification, I went and taught English abroad for a year, and he stayed here during that time. And from what family has told me, he was sad but also comforted, again, by the other members of his flock. But yeah, I guess I just want to check in with what his preference would be if there's a way to kind of explain these things to him.

Jessica:            So I'll need a little more information. When you go to college, are you staying in a dorm? Are you renting an apartment? What's your life going to look like?

Tony:              Yeah. It's likely going to be the latter, either an apartment or a house with other housemates. And it's a graduate program. I'll be having a TA stipend and things, so I'm not going to be absolutely destitute. But it's going to be crowded. I am worried about the climate. He's a little bit sensitive to temperature changes and things like that.

Jessica:            You don't live somewhere hot right now?

Tony:              It's toasty, but he⁠—like, the indoor environment is pretty much consistent year round.

Jessica:            Yes. I see. I see. And because you're going to be living with roommates and not family, you're not going to have the same consistency.

Tony:              Right. Right, and control over it, necessarily.

Jessica:            Okay. Will you say his name for me?

Tony:              Yeah. Murdoch.

Jessica:            Is that what you call him?

Tony:              A lot of the time, I call him my love. But he's Murdoch. He's Murdy-Birdy. He started out as Chirpy. That was his initial name with his first foster parent.

Jessica:            Okay. I got him. Okay. Hold on for just a moment. It's going to seem like I'm being silent, but⁠—I mean, I am going to be silent, but bear with me. His way of thinking is so different than what I've experienced before. So, straight out the gate, I didn't tell him anything. I just checked in with him because I've talked to bigger birds, like parrots and stuff like that. I'm talking about domesticated animals that I've communicated with, which is very different. He's just very different.

The constant preening that he's doing, it's how his mind works. He's constantly moving and fidgeting and moving and fidgeting in his mind. He's really smart, but it's just everything happens at a different pace. Does his little heart race? Is it super fast, his little heart?

Tony:              Yeah. Yeah. He has a quick heart rate. He's pretty relaxed right now. If he gets too agitated, then I can tell. But yeah, he has a high heart rate.

Jessica:            Yeah, even when he's resting, just a little chihuahua heart. Straight out the gate, I can see that he is very attached to you, and he very much does not like a lot of noise, like a lot of unpredictable noise in particular. There are certain kinds of music that really bothers him. Clanking bothers him.

Tony:              He is sensitive, which I also empathize with. I think we have some similar sensitivities. But he hates the sound of vacuums, which makes sense. Some things he's fine with. He's fine with the blender. But you're right. He doesn't like clinking.

Jessica:            Clinking.

Tony:              He doesn't like the sound of polyester fabric, like backpacks and things. He hates that sound.

Jessica:            Yeah. When I kind of was tapping in with him and getting a sense of "What makes you comfortable? What doesn't make you comfortable?" I do think that you're right that a housing situation with a bunch of young college students, probably parties, definitely unpredictable sounds, and inconsistent schedule⁠—that looks rough on him. The inconsistency of your schedule works because of the consistency of your family's schedule.

Tony:              Right.

Jessica:            It's two parents and then two other adults? I can't tell if it's you and another human or you plus two humans.

Tony:              It's me and another human, and we're adults. Yeah.

Jessica:            Your parents are really consistent people, eh?

Tony:              Yes.

Jessica:            And your other human, it's a sibling, I'm assuming.

Tony:              Yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah, also pretty consistent.

Tony:              Consistent. She's definitely the least attached to him, not out of any sort of personal ire, but they're not⁠—

Jessica:            Sure. But her behavior and her sounds aren't especially jarring for him is what he's showing me.

Tony:              Yeah.

Jessica:            It's not like⁠—I mean, I feel like I would drive Murdoch crazy. I have a million intonations to my voice, and I can be really loud all the time, and I'll bump into things. And that kind of stuff is not what he likes. So the humans in his flock, as you're referring to your family, work for him. He doesn't have the same level of intimacy with anyone that he does with you. I'm assuming it's your father that he's second closest to. Is that correct?

Tony:              That's an interesting guess. I would say it's actually my mom. He'll chill out on my dad, like on his shoulder, on his lap, for just as long as he's allowed to. But my mom interacts most with him besides myself.

Jessica:            Your dad is more similar to you is what he's showing me. Your dad's a little bit more quiet and contemplative. Am I seeing this correctly? This is what he's showing me.

Tony:              That is really interesting. I don't know if I think about it that way, but from his perspective, I see how that would be true.

Jessica:            Yeah. And so he might have more engagement with your mom, but I think if your dad let him, he would be on your dad a lot if you weren't around. Your dad is confusing as to why he doesn't want him on his shoulder. I think he's just, like⁠—it gets in his head, and it makes him uncomfortable. Is that right? Yeah.

Tony:              That's totally correct.

Jessica:            Yeah, which is a shame because Murdoch really does like your dad a lot. He's just very comfortable with your dad, and he does feel that you and your dad are very similar. There's something in the way that you hold your bodies that is similar. I mean, I don't have to introduce this question to Murdoch to know you can't realistically take him. I mean, I'm sorry to be so blunt and so quick about it, but taking him to such an unpredictable environment where even your hours are going to be so unpredictable⁠—it would suck for him, but it would also mean that either you'd be an irresponsible flock member, or you would stop yourself from having the social experiences that are exactly why you go away to college for.

                        You wouldn't be able to be spontaneous in the particular ways that I think you need more of in your life. It would be hard on him. I mean, it will be hard on him when you leave, but as you said, he has a good home even without you there. Does he have a lot of things that he can hang out on? Does he have a jungle gym of sorts? I don't know what the equivalent for birds is, but does he have a bird jungle gym?

Tony:              He does. He has a pretty swanky little setup. But he is not a parrot in the sense that⁠—his claws, his beak, they don't work the same way. And he can't fly, so that's another mobility factor for him. And it's another thing⁠—I totally see what you're saying. And as far as trying to be a responsible parent or flock member or whatever, if I have to leave him, how do I leave him in the happiest of circumstances? Because I think a lot of his exercise and engagement also just comes from me, from⁠—

Jessica:            Right.

Tony:              ⁠—you know, yeah, being on me. I am the jungle gym.

Jessica:            You are the jungle gym.

Tony:              Yeah.

Jessica:            So there's a couple things I would say. I would actually start with the dad because he started with your dad. And that might mean having gym hours where you train your dad to be better at this. Does your dad work from home?

Tony:              He just retired, so he's doing, yeah, more of that.

Jessica:            He's doing more⁠—and he sits kind of still for hours at a time?

Tony:              Yes, he does.

Jessica:            Yeah. This is what Murdoch is showing me. This is part of why⁠—because your mom is constantly moving. She's not a disruptive mover, but she's doing things all the time. I think if your dad could be converted into a Murdoch person a little more, this would fix 100 percent of your⁠—like 95 percent of your problems.

Tony:              Okay.

Jessica:            But he's scared he's going to hurt Murdoch. He's scared⁠—it just gets in his head that it's a bird.

Tony:              Definitely. He's not⁠—not with people or animals⁠—a very touchy-feely kind of person. And it doesn't mean that he doesn't have the capacity to feel gentle, tender feelings. But it just doesn't physically emote for him, and I think he does get in his head about it.

Jessica:            He gets really rigid. Yeah. He gets rigid around those kinds of situations. And so I think you would just need to do some training with him and just be like, "This is what it's like. You actually can read a book and turn the pages and kind of forget he's there." And it's really not a big deal. But also, it's like literally having a bird on your shoulder⁠—it's something really special. And I don't know⁠—I mean, I don't get the sense when I look at your father intuitively that he's going to be like, "Oh, you talked to an animal communicator." I don't think that's going to really vibe with him. But Murdoch chooses your dad, which to me is⁠—I don't know, is very motivating. You know?

Tony:              Absolutely. I really appreciate hearing that, because I think he's a smart guy⁠—Murdoch, I mean.

Jessica:            Yes, Murdoch. Yes. Yes. Murdoch is very smart. And your mom⁠—he has no negative feeling at all towards your mom. But if you're leaving, the closest replacement to you is your dad in terms of how your body functions and all that kind of stuff.

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Jessica:            Now, I don't know, when he was Chirpy, when he had this other home⁠—I don't know what the setup was. I'm assuming you don't know what it was either.

Tony:              I know a little bit, and it's kind of a mixed bag. I mean, he was in a very nice cage. I think he clearly⁠—there was an effort to take good care of him. But his autonomy was not respected there. The people who handed him over to me were relatives of the initial foster parent and showed me how they handled him and how she would handle him, and it was literally just putting on leather gloves and bodily grabbing him so that he couldn't move. He would be biting at their fingers. And they didn't mean it unkindly, but it was just this, like, "Oh, he's a little, skittish animal. This is what you do," which it isn't. And that continues to be one of his lines in the sand. He does not like hands. He loves people. He loves being on people. He does not want to be reached for, and I don't⁠.

Jessica:            Right. That's great. Okay. Well, he does have the ability to climb with his feet a little bit, correct?

Tony:              Correct.

Jessica:            Because I do think it is possible that there could be an adjusted jungle gym for him⁠ that he doesn't need living with you, but if you leave, I think could be really good for him. He really likes color. So he's showing me colors. He's a big fan of red and of green.

Tony:              Okay. That's good to know because he has strong reactions, and sometimes it seems like he really dislikes really bright visual stimulus. And I put things in his cage before, and he just avoids them at all costs.

Jessica:            Interesting. He's showing me red and green. I wonder if he's showing me he doesn't like them, because he's showing me colors. He's showing me playing on colors. He doesn't really think that it's playing, but that's what it is. And he's showing me red and green. Now, let me ask you, did you have something that was red, white, and green, like a toy in there or a thing in there?

Tony:              Red, white, and green? I may have at some point. I think the most creative I got with toys was right at the beginning until I realized that he just really preferred being out on people.

Jessica:            On your shoulder. Yeah.

Tony:              Yeah.

Jessica:            And there's nothing in his cage or his area now that's colorful?

Tony:              His perches are kind of like a brick red, and he has one white perch. I'm trying to think of what else. He has a million colors in his food⁠—again, super pampered. He gets lots of fresh food. I'm trying to think of what⁠—this is his shirt. It's a colorful shirt. It's a shirt I only wear for him.

Jessica:            That's adorable.

Tony:              So I don't know if it's, maybe, fabric.

Jessica:            No, he's showing me⁠—it looks like the shape of a perch, but I don't know if it's a perch or not.

Tony:              Okay.

Jessica:            It's something cylindrical and long. And he's showing me red and green. So I don't know if it needs to be, like⁠—if he's showing me something he once had or if he's showing me just the colors. It's absolutely possible that he's like, "Don't use these colors," or if he's, "Do use these colors." I can't tell. I thought for sure that he was saying, "I like these colors," but like I said, I've never spoken with a sparrow before, a house sparrow before. So it's not as straight shot of a communication as I've experienced before.

                        Hold on. No, he's showing me he likes colors. So it might be he likes having access to colors. So I almost wonder if maybe there's things he could play with, and then they could be put away or something like that.

Tony:              Yeah.

Jessica:            I would encourage you to start exploring the world of the house sparrow, what products are out there, what other people do in terms of toys and things to stimulate his thinking. He's so bright that he does get bored. When you're gone for periods of time because you go out, he does get bored.

Tony:              He is so smart.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Tony:              That is always striking me, and it also makes it difficult to find things I think he would enjoy engaging with because it is not like a dog or even like some cats. He's not going to⁠—something I bring up all the time is he doesn't chew on things. He's like, "I know that's inedible. I'm not going to chew on that."

Jessica:            Right. Would he place things, kind of like I've seen crows do, like take things and place them in things?

Tony:              Yes. He does do that. Yeah.

Jessica:            Because I'm seeing that, and I was like, "Am I just projecting my experience on YouTube with crows?" But no. That could work, and that might be something that he arranges by color.

Tony:              Okay. I like that idea.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Tony:              He's constantly, just for fun, dunking stuff in his water, like seeing what happens to it. He'll take it back out. He'll let it dry out. He'll get it wet again. He's just⁠—

Jessica:            He's adorable.

Tony:              I like that idea. Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. And the other thing I would say⁠—it's kind of like he's showing me a mound, like a hill. For him, it would be a hill of things that he could walk along, kind of climb. Is he describing something specific that you're aware of?

Tony:              I mean, he likes to do things on laundry, too, like explore it like terrain.

Jessica:            That's what I'm talking about.

Tony:              Okay.

Jessica:            Explore it like terrain. So, when you're thinking about creating a jungle gym for him, it's going to be like that. Maybe there's a tunnel, and maybe there's not. Maybe he can kind of tuck himself in, as long as he can't get caught. And I don't know if there's existing things that you can buy or if you would have to make them yourself. But you've got several months, so I feel like you could do this⁠—

Tony:              Yeah.

Jessica:            ⁠—and kind of watch for what he really likes. Again, as I'm looking at this, it keeps on showing up in red, white, and green. He really does like a bone white, and he does like green, and he keeps on showing me this red. And it's like a red red. So this may just be for toys because you're really asking about how to engage him, and so this is what he's showing me. Does he like plants?

Tony:              He likes eating cilantro and lettuce. Again, he just has this sort of practicality/pragmatism about him where he's like, "If this isn't for me to eat, why mess with it?"

Jessica:            So he's not having some sort of instinct to perch in a tree or something like that?

Tony:              Not really. Even when the Christmas tree is up and he's out, he has no interest in it. The bone white was interesting. He does have a cuddle bone, which parrots sometimes have, too. It's for sharpening their beaks and also providing calcium. He likes that. He does play with his food, like I said before, the lettuce and cilantro, the whole dunking thing. He likes apples. That might also be the red.

Jessica:            Interesting.

Tony:              Yeah.

Jessica:            When you mentioned the cuddle bone, he loves that. And I feel like if there was a couple of them in various spots, that would be good because he kind of happens upon it, and he's like, "Oh, this." And so he prefers to have it in lots of spots. I wonder if, also⁠—have you ever tried spraying his food with water⁠—

Tony:              No.

Jessica:            ⁠—so the food he's eating is a little more wet? Because if you think about it, in nature, it would rain on food for him.

Tony:              Yeah, or, like⁠—yeah.

Jessica:            I would also maybe play with that and see how he does.

Tony:              Yeah.

Jessica:            That might be asking your family a step too much, like, "Spritz his food." But it might be interesting to see if that's part of why he's dunking his food. I do think he will be sad when you're gone, and I also don't see him being attached like a dog would be or like a human would be. And you can't video chat with your bird. That's not a thing. I just want to get ahead of that. So you might want to see him and make your mom show you him, but he's not going to register that. I'm sorry.

Tony:              No, he doesn't. I've tried when I was abroad.

Jessica:            Yeah. Okay. So you know.

Tony:              Yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah. He doesn't like the sound of a speakerphone. Again, it's a little tinkly for his ears. I mean, the thing you can do to maintain your relationship is just come home. I know. I'm sorry. It's a little sad. But he's really healthy.

Tony:              Oh. Thank you for saying that.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Tony:              I worry constantly because avian vets, period, are hard to come by, and then the ones that do exist are pretty exclusively for parrots. And the one time he had an infection, luckily, amoxicillin knocked it out. But I worry about him all the time, and knowing that he has, yeah, a mobility issue and⁠—yeah. Thank you.

Jessica:            He feels that he's very healthy. He does not feel like an old bird. So to hear that out in the world, he would be likely gone by now⁠—three years ago⁠—I mean, he doesn't feel like an old bird at all. He feels like a 30-year-old in human years, like an adult. We're not worried about a 30-year-old. I don't remember if you said where you live, but you run the heat in the house, eh?

Tony:              During the winter, yeah.

Jessica:            He's not a fan of the heat. So wherever his cage or his play spots land should not be directly in the way of the heater vent. Even though he likes warmth, he doesn't like the way the heat comes out is what he's showing me.

Tony:              Okay. Got it.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah. Hold on. I mean, he's got nothing else that he wants to say about this. It's just he understands that you might go. More than anything, he understands he doesn't want to go where you're going.

Tony:              Okay. That's clear.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah.

Tony:              Okay.

Jessica:            Yeah. Your dad⁠—in a way, the most unexpected part of this conversation is he's the one to work on.

Tony:              Yeah.

Jessica:            He's really still.

Tony:              Yeah. He is.

Jessica:            Yeah. Your tiny house sparrow really, really likes his stillness. I mean, I just feel like your dad should be told that being chosen by a bird is a fucking privilege⁠.

Tony:              Absolutely.

Jessica:            ⁠Honor that privilege, Dad.

Tony:              It's a huge deal.

Jessica:            Yeah. Absolutely. Hold on. Do you sleep with him?

Tony:              With Murdoch?

Jessica:            Yeah.

Tony:              We take naps together.

Jessica:            He loves it.

Tony:              Oh my God. I'm glad. I love it, too.

Jessica:            He loves it. It's such a sweet thing to him. He loves it.

Tony:              It's like roosting, I think. It's, again, that bird instinct. I never sleep through the night⁠—I would be terrified. He's so small.

Jessica:            Yes.

Tony:              But sleeping upright, dozing off, we do. Yeah. We nap.

Jessica:            He loves it. And no one else will sleep with him. That's for sure. And so, again, see if there's anything that can replicate roosting for him, something snuggly.

Tony:              Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica:            That could really do it.

Tony:              I had this cage heater for him. It barely gives off any heat. It's more like a hot water bottle, something, again, designed for parrots. He didn't really like it, I suspect because it was hard. It was rigid. And I think he likes⁠—

Jessica:            It was textural. It was the texture.

Tony:              Yeah.

Jessica:            It would have to be smoodgy. I know that's not a word, but kind of like a really soft stress ball is what he wants, something that's Tempur-Pedic, you know? It adjusts to the body. I wonder if that's even a little thing, like a little memory foam-style thing. I almost wonder⁠—and I don't know anything about anything, but I almost wonder if bunny toys would work.

Tony:              That's also a good idea. Yeah, because he's a little bit of an enigma.

Jessica:            Yeah. He likes to snuggle. Think about the things he does when he is being really tender and he really calms down in those moments, and try to find things that kind of replicate that. Yeah. I wonder if bunny toys would work because they're on the ground. They're soft. They're not about being bitten or eaten or anything like that. I mean, he likes his food. Your parents will keep up the food.

Tony:              Yeah. My mom is pretty⁠—she always checks in with him, which I really appreciate.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Tony:              Yeah.

Jessica:            I mean, he's got a good life. And I imagine he'll live⁠—I mean, unless something happens, like I said, he's very healthy. So I think finding more ways for him to be independent, like comfortable and happy independently, is going to be good for everyone. But if your dad can get into him, I think it would be good for your dad, too, to be honest.

Tony:              Oh man. You're so right.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Tony:              Yeah.

Jessica:            He needs somebody that's, like, his guy. You know?

Tony:              Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            I kind of think it's going to work. I mean, I don't know. I'm not really looking at your dad. I'm looking at Murdoch. But Murdoch really thinks it's going to work.

Tony:              Okay. Well, like I said, I trust his insight. So I will work on him on my end, work on my dad.

Jessica:            Yeah. Work on your dad on your end. Yeah, and just⁠—yeah. I think that's what Murdoch wanted you to know.

Tony:              Okay.

Jessica:            Do you have any other questions?

Tony:              I mean, again, this has been really reassuring. I think, ultimately, I was leaning in a similar direction, just that it wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't be to his best health and wellness to be taken along for the ride with me. At the same time, selfishly, he is my best friend.

Jessica:            I know.

Tony:              That's going to be hard. But I appreciate so much the insight into kind of what he's thinking, what he likes, that he's healthy. That's a huge weight off of my mind.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah. He is. The only other thing you could do is make the commitment to, when you move, live alone or live with only one other person, and⁠—

Tony:              Right. Find a situation [crosstalk].

Jessica:            And you'd have to socialize less than is best for you. As an animal lover, I think to myself, "Okay. Yeah, make the change. Take the bird with you everywhere you go." But as a person person, I'm like, "Well, this is like a rite of passage, and you need to give yourself the space to have it."

Tony:              The other thing is just⁠—and it's not even⁠—I know it's probably not that important to him. We're attached. That much I know. But he also is a wild animal, so domesticity isn't really his thing. But it's important to me to be able to tell him that I love him and to be able to do that from a distance if possible. I mean, do you have any tips on how to put that out there in a way that he feels?

Jessica:            I mean, animals are a lot less complicated than we are in that we are liars, and they are not. I say I miss you, but I'm not really thinking about you⁠—or whatever. Right? That's a thing that humans do. Animals communicate through pictures. So, if you feel how much you love him and you really focus on him and sending him that love⁠—how it feels, whether you're a visual processor or an audible processor, however you process that⁠—he'll hear it. And it's not going to replace being there.

Tony:              Being there. Yeah. Of course.

Jessica:            I mean, I don't want to be idealistic about that. But it is communication, and you can do that with him. He will be aware of it, and I think that will help. Like I said, it's not the same. When you went away for a year, you came back and he remembered you.

Tony:              Yes.

Jessica:            There wasn't a confusion there. He has a relationship with you, and that's not going to end because you've left. And also, you're going to have to work on your guilt because right now, you risk really just sending him your guilt. Don't do that.

Tony:              Okay. Yeah. That's real. So I hear that.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. To him, it's like a burdensome emotion. He's just like, "I don't know what to do with this feeling. This is not a good feeling." And the way to work on your guilt is to own that you're making a choice, and you're making the best choice you can in the situation that you're in. And you also really love him. And you're not making this choice actually because of him. Your life has to be a little bit bigger in this particular way.

And this is the complexity of having animals. And in particular, you have a bird who could live ten more years, my God, or something. You know what I mean? It's an undetermined life span. So you're going to have to make choices. And if you get to a place where your life feels grounded and stable, you can drive your little butt up there, put him on your shoulder, and drive back. You know?

Tony:         Totally.

Jessica:            But you can't make that call yet because that's not what your life has got to be now.

Tony:         Yeah. You're, as always, so correct.

Jessica:      Thank you. Thank you. Yeah.

Tony:              But that is my⁠—my hopeful intent is to eventually, hopefully sooner rather than later, within the next several years, find a place where I know for sure that he'll be comfortable and then just come grab him.

Jessica:            Yes. I think that's doable for you, and I also think it's possible⁠—and I'm seeing things from Murdoch's perspective, but I also think it's possible that he'll develop a relationship with your dad where that would be hard to do.

Tony:              I wouldn't hate that. I mean, I just⁠—I genuinely want him to be happy. So, if there's a way to make that happen, awesome.

Jessica:            I agree. It would be so good for both of them to have each other.

Tony:              Yeah.

Jessica:            And I just also don't think that your dad regards Murdoch as a boy, but if he did, that would help your dad.

Tony:              Oh my gosh. It's so funny you say that. He regularly calls him she, even though he knows. There's something in his mind where it's like⁠—

Jessica:            It's because Murdoch is small and delicate, and your dad is a particular kind of man.

Tony:              Oh, tell me about it.

Jessica:            Yeah. I don't have to. I was being very delicate. I almost was rude, but I was delicate, which is uncharacteristic. But if you really just affirm, "Murdoch's a guy. You have to connect with this guy. You're the only guys in the house."

Tony:              Right. Hang out with your bro.

Jessica:            Yeah. That's a good spin for your dad.

Tony:              Okay. Got it.

Jessica:            Yeah. You may want to do some googling and come out with some facts about boy birds because your dad is⁠—don't let him listen to this, but he is that simple, and will work on him.

Tony:              Okay. Got it.

Jessica:            You gotta work with what you got. You know what I mean?

Tony:              Totally. I appreciate the strategies.

Jessica:            You're welcome. You're welcome. Absolutely. So you have a lot of homework from this.

Tony:              Yeah. It's what I wanted.

Jessica:            Good. Your bird is so beautiful. Murdoch is just gorgeous and⁠—

Tony:              He is.

Jessica:            ⁠—weird and lovely.

Tony:              He is. I love that you can see that. You know all of those things.

Jessica:            Yeah. He's a real little weirdo. And he's really, like⁠—I don't know. He's just so thoughtful and weird. I really like him. Thanks for letting me meet him and do this with you.

Tony:              Thank you. Thank you.

Jessica:            My pleasure.