Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

Hey there, Ghosties. In this episode, I'll be doing a live reading with one of my beloved listeners. Every Wednesday, listen in on an intimate conversation and get inspired as we explore perspectives on life, love, and the human condition. Along the way, we'll uncover valuable insights and practical lessons that you can apply to your own life. And don't forget to hit Subscribe or, at the very least, mark your calendars because every Sunday I'll be back with your weekly horoscope. And that you don't want to miss. Let's get started.

Jessica:            Welcome to the podcast. I guess we should start off our conversation today with you telling me what you would like a reading about.

Guest:              All right. Hi. What's been heavy on my mind is just basically my business, my career path. I've been doing this for nine years, and it feels⁠—

Jessica:            Doing what?

Guest:              Custom suiting, providing this kind of service mostly to my Queer community. And there are times where I feel like, "Why am I struggling still?" And the other times, it feels like, "This is my path. This feels good. This feels like I'm meant to do this." And by this, I mean just providing this service that's very intimate and unique to my clients because I work with a lot of clients who deal with a lot of body issues, body dysphoria, gender expression, being Queer, having something⁠—especially something like⁠—as far as clothing, something that really expresses them and that feels good on them, especially for those clients who are looking for something for their special day, like a wedding or a special event where they're presenting themselves to the world, to their loved ones. And they want to feel good in that. They want to feel like it's really something that truly is expressive of who they are.

                        So, in that way, I feel like I'm doing something that is really good, that feels good to me. Especially, it's like when you're thinking about, "What is the purpose of my life?" I want to be able to contribute in a positive way as a human living in this world. You know?

Jessica:            Yes. Yeah.

Guest:              And being Queer and getting to do this thing where I'm working with other Queers, and what I do is for Queers⁠—so it's like this way of being completely immersed in my queerness⁠—

Jessica:            I love that.

Guest:              ⁠—that feels good. But there are struggles, for sure. I became more social, I think, later in life. And having a small business, like working on your own, has felt very isolating. And I do miss working with a team. I miss just having a group of fellow coworkers that you can see day to day and just be like, "How's it going today? How was your weekend?" Having that kind of connection with a regular group of people is something that I really miss. At the same time, I also feel like I have such freedom in working for myself and having my own schedule and seeing my clients in this very flexible schedule. So yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. Yeah. Okay. There's a lot to work with. I'm going to share your birth data if I can.

Guest:              Okay. Sure.

Jessica:            You were born September 24th, 1972, at⁠—we've rectified that you were born at 2:15 a.m., but it's a total guess, and it's not a certain time, in Saigon, Vietnam.

Guest:              Yes.

Jessica:            And I want to check in about a couple things. So you work with individuals to help them to come up with⁠—you design clothing specific for them. Is that right?

Guest:              Yes. That's right.

Jessica:            And it's transmasculine folks, right?

Guest:              Mostly transmasculine. I would say the umbrella of Queer. I've had a lot of transmasc folks. I've had transfemme folks. I've had just Queer folks. I've had people identify⁠—lesbian or Gay or⁠—so I feel like I've worked with so many different people who are part of the Queer community and who identify as all the various spectrums that fall under that umbrella.

Jessica:            I see. Okay. And when you work with these folks⁠—because I'm hearing a vague question, which is kind of around your⁠—there's a piece here where you're like, "I miss working with a team, but I don't want to give up all the good flexibility I got."

Guest:              Yeah. I'm such a typical Libra where I'm like, "I want this and that or this and that."

Jessica:            And I think that's also like⁠—no matter your zodiac sign, I think most self-employed people who don't work with teams⁠—eventually, sooner or later in one's career, we struggle with that, like, "I have not enough contact with other people." I've not encountered any zodiac sign who hasn't eventually felt that way. Some individuals, of course, don't. But I think that's pretty normal.

But there's a question I have around, are you trying to build your business? Is making more money important? Where are you at with those⁠—

Guest:  Yes.

Jessica:            Both, yes and yes?

Guest:  Yes. Yes.

Jessica:            Okay. And in the service that you provide, it sounds like⁠—is it a situation where I'm like, "Okay. I need help figuring out how to work with my body," and then you consult with me, and then we come to decisions, and then you design, and then you produce something?

Guest:              Yes.

Jessica:            So it's all those steps.

Guest:              It's like⁠—so I do what's called an initial consultation, and I usually spend up to three hours with the client. And during the whole three hours, we're spending time, first and foremost, going over fabrics, talking about style, taking their full measurements. But also, the intimate part of that consultation is the stories, the shared stories, but also the⁠—having the client really open up about themselves as a Queer person that also⁠—just so they're really feeling comfortable with me around talking about their bodies.

                        And in that way, I feel like my business offers such a⁠—that kind of a service where it's like, oh, it's not just about buying a custom suit, but it's about having a person there with you to walk you through and guide you through this process of getting you to have this custom attire that's going to make you feel just truly like your best. You know?

Jessica:            I mean, that's so important for all bodies, but I think of course especially for Queer bodies, it's just⁠—that's not a thing that exists enough, at least, for us. So I want to make sure that I'm addressing this question in a way that's helpful because⁠—

Guest:              I know it feels a little vague, but⁠—

Jessica:            It's vague, but I got a lot of ideas already, so don't you worry. But say the name of your business so I can look at it energetically.

Guest:              Sure. It's called Tweed Custom Clothier.

Jessica:            Is that the full name of the business?

Guest:              There's a tagline.

Jessica:            Will you please read it to me⁠—or say it to me? Sorry.

Guest:              Sure. It's Tweed Custom Clothier⁠—oh my God. I'm spacing out on my own tagline.

Jessica:            Oh no.

Guest:              Modern Style With an Iconic Touch. That is the tagline.

Jessica:            Okay. Is that a very old tagline for you?

Guest:              I mean, I've had it since I started my business.

Jessica:            Yeah. That's what I'm seeing. That needs to be revamped because you forgot it. If you forgot it, that means it's forgettable.

Guest:              It's kind of long.

Jessica:            So there's a couple things I'm going to say straight out the gate. The first is part of what I think you're struggling with is the fact that you are simply at a stage of your life where you're questioning everything. You're questioning, "Are the things that I've devoted my life to worth the effort? Are they panning out the way I want?" And that is a bit of an existential crisis or spiritual crisis that is, yes, connected to a material concern about your business, but it's also something kind of bigger.

                        And I want to acknowledge that as I see this, I'm not seeing that you're coming up with the answer as no. You're clear that the answer is yes, but the questions remain. Basically, it's almost like there's a bell ringing somewhere inside of you, and you're like, "Am I engaging with things the way I'm supposed to be? Is this exactly what I'm meant to do?" And again, I look at it, and I'm like, "The answer keeps on being yes, but the question isn't going away." Does that feel right?

Guest:              Yeah. I feel like, also, throughout even the last nine years of doing this, I've had other sort of opportunities to do other things. I was just given an offer yesterday which would bring in a little more income that I can also inject into my business but, at the same time, give me the flexibility to still operate my business. I also have a couple of interviews set up, both still to do with fashion and the fashion industry. One could possibly lead me into a more⁠—basically to work in a more international company where I could see myself growing into and also probably given opportunities to have bigger roles within that company.

                        I mean, sometimes I feel like, "Oh, it would be nice to just clock in and clock out," right? But also, what appeals to me with one of these companies is the possibility to just grow in this international corporation. It's big, but it's doing exactly what I do.

Jessica:            Okay. But just not for yourself⁠? For somebody else's brand?

Guest:              Exactly. Yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah. So there's layers here because the first thing I want to say is that we can look at those job opportunities and see if you would be happy in them. We can do that. But I think that the real issue here is that you do need to make a decision about whether or not you want to strategize about ways of expanding your business and offering services or doing projects that kind of spark something in you and/or generate more clients and more income, because part of what you do is so bespoke and it's so personalized that there's literally only so much you can do, only so many people you can work with.

Guest:              Right.

Jessica:            But there are many smaller offerings that you could create based on this larger thing you do. It's like I already have a couple ideas, so we can talk about that in a second. But there are things that you can do to broaden your reach and offer⁠—instead of offering everyone a six-course meal that is delicious and nutritious and all the things, you could be like, "Here's an appetizer. Here's this delicious meal. Here are ingredients. You can cook them for yourself." There are so many things that you could do as an elder Queer, as a person with your specific skills and experiences.

                        And it would take innovation, and it would take trying new things. But it would be worth it if you were clear that you wanted to build on what you're doing and that you wanted to expand your individual business. And I think that that's really not worth it if what you really want to do is continue to do this work, but you don't need to own it. If you're like, "I'd rather clock in and clock out," then these other jobs make more sense. So we're going to get into the details of this in a moment, but let's pull back.

                        You are going through the last of the transits that are associated with midlife crisis. So there's a series of things that happen astrologically to all of us at approximately the same age. It varies from generation to generation. But there's something called the Pluto square. You went through it a long time ago. There's the Uranus opposition to Uranus⁠—done. You already did it. Neptune square to Neptune⁠—you already did it. But now you're in your Chiron Return. And the Chiron Return happens once every 50 years. So you're probably only going to go through one in your lifetime, but who knows? Maybe you'll hit two. I don't know. I don't recommend it, but you might.

                        And the Chiron Return⁠—it really has us struggling with core wounding, with a sense of, "Where do I belong? How do I belong? Do I belong to myself?" It really has us dealing⁠—with Chiron in Aries generation⁠⁠—with this feeling of, "Where is my place? And do I inhabit that space? Am I using my agency to be the person I want to be, or do I feel like I'm being kind of pushed into a corner?" And for gen X, who's got this Pluto in Libra⁠—and you've got all these Libra placements; you've got a stellium in Libra with the Sun, Pluto, Mercury, and Uranus all in Libra⁠. This feeling of, "I have to make these compromises. I have to find a way to get along"⁠—it is, yes, specific to your Libra stellium, but it is also very specific to a generational issue.

And the Chiron in Aries that you're dealing with has a lot to do with acknowledging that this is your life. This is your body. And within this, you are meant to inhabit those spaces. You are meant to inhabit these spaces in ways that reflect your own power, your own agency, and you're allowed to belong to yourself. This is this really kind of deep, spiritual, kind of crisisy time that you've been going through for a while now and is not exclusively about your career, by a long shot. But it's a big piece of this because we can talk about what you should do for work or how to make your business expand or what kind of job to get, but really, the question is something a lot deeper, which is, "What do I want to do with my life?"

You're in your 50s now. What do you want to do with your 50s? Because there's a French philosopher that said that the 40s are the old age of your youth; your 50s are the youth of your old age. You know what I mean? So, as you are in the youth of your old age, as it were⁠—if you accept that philosophical standpoint⁠—what is it that you want to do? Because I think that the 50s are a really interesting, flexible/not flexible time. It's like it does take a certain measure of planning to prepare for what comes next in your old age.

And I should point out that you don't have a fucking thing in any earth in your birth chart except for your North Node. And so what that means is⁠—

Guest:  What does that mean?

Jessica:            You're like, "What the fuck is that?" So the North Node in astrology⁠—it's not to do with your personality. It's where your soul is journeying towards in this life. It's what you've come here to learn on a soul level. And having the North Node in Capricorn is related to figuring out how to structure your life. How do you want to navigate reality? How do you want to navigate time? How do you engage with responsibilities? Now, as a business owner, you've obviously developed a lot of habits around that.

Guest:              Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jessica:            You've obviously developed a lot of structure and plans and all this kind of stuff. But what's happening now with your Chiron Return and with this larger issue of career is that you are being called to do something that you are not organically the most inclined to do, which is make a plan for old age. It's not just about making a plan for, like, "What can I do this month?" This is an opportunity⁠—

Guest:              It's like long-term planning?

Jessica:            Yeah. It's about considering that your energy will change. Your body will change. How the world responds to you will change⁠—soon. Not theoretically, practically. Soon, right? If it hasn't already started, right? I don't know. You look real young, so I feel like it⁠—

Guest:              Thanks.

Jessica:            ⁠—probably hasn't started for you yet. But I feel like it's like tick-tock, tick-tock, right? I mean⁠—

Guest:              Yeah. I definitely think about it a lot. And I think this is one of the things where I'm like, "Is it time to pivot?" As far as where I'm at in my career, my life, right now, I'm 51, so it's like I'm thinking a lot about what's going to happen when I'm older. How am I going to come into retirement? How am I going to put myself in a place of⁠—that I'm going to be okay when I'm older and [crosstalk]?

Jessica:            Do you have retirement savings?

Guest:              Not a lot.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah.

Guest:              So that's why I'm like, "Okay. Time to sort of reassess my life right now," to put myself in a place where, okay, 10, 20 years from now, I'm set. I'm ready. I'm in a good place. And extreme wealth doesn't really⁠—it's not something that I'm trying to go for. I think I'm just trying to go for a happy, comfortable retirement where I'm living somewhere where I can feel excited but also just happy, as I'm sure everyone does, right?

Jessica:            Yeah.

Guest:              We want to live⁠—

Jessica:            We want to be safe.

Guest:              ⁠—a long, happy life. And when we're old, we want to be somewhere where we can feel safe, right?

Jessica:            Mm-hmm. There's layers to this, right? There's a layer of these job opportunities that you referenced⁠—do either of them have good retirement packages?

Guest:              The ones⁠—yes. That is why I was so interested in applying, was they have good health benefits, which is something⁠—as a small business owner, it's like⁠—

Jessica:            Oh yeah.

Guest:              It's really hard, as you know.

Jessica:            Yes.

Guest:              It's like we pay for our own premiums. So the two that I am interviewing for have those benefits. The offer that I got yesterday was more of a higher hourly wage, but I could maybe do that for a few years and then sort of transition out of that. But it's still⁠—

Jessica:            But it's not as much of a package⁠—the one that you got, it doesn't sound like you're as excited.

Guest:              It's not a package, but I feel like⁠—and when this was offered to me yesterday, I was like, "Oh boy. Here's another thing that's thrown onto my plate is that, okay, this will give me the flexibility to still run my business at the same time of having this side job where I'm actually making a pretty decent income. And the other two options⁠—one of them, the main one that I'm really very excited about, I would definitely have to probably, most likely, close my business because it would be competing against that."

Jessica:            I see. I see.

Guest:              Do you know what I mean? So…

Jessica:            I do. Yeah. I do. Okay. I'm going to give you really annoying advice, and then I'm going to give you helpful advice. I mean, the annoying advice is helpful, but it's annoying.

Guest:              Yeah. Yeah. I get it. Yeah. Throw it at me.

Jessica:            Okay. So, when planning for the future⁠—whether when you're 20 or you're 50; it doesn't matter⁠—it is fucking hard because will the state of California, where you and I both live, burn down? Will the earthquake come? Will the climate stay? What about rising fascism across the world? World war? Nobody knows. How do you make a plan for late-stage capitalism? How do you make a plan for such an unknowable future? I think that that's a real crisis that everyone who's thinking about plans is concerned with. I mean, I'm assuming you are, too.

                        That said, what I would encourage you to do is⁠—I'm sure there's inflation calculators on the internet that are free. I want you to adjust for inflation. Let's say 73 years old, you retire. Okay? 73 years old, you retire. So you're going to adjust for inflation for 21, 22 years from now. And look at how much money you need per month in order to live. Let's say you're going to live to 97, okay? You said you wanted to live a nice, long life. Okay. We'll see. 97 is very long.

Guest:              Oh my gosh. For some reason, I have 80 in my head.

Jessica:            I mean, sure. Maybe. You can go to 80, but let's budget for 97. Has anyone in your family lived a long life?

Guest:              No. Everyone has passed at 80.

Jessica:            That's why you have the number 80 in your head.

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay.

Guest:              My mom has already surpassed the 80-year mark, so I'm like, "Oh, okay."

Jessica:            I mean, you know…

Guest:              Perhaps another year or two.

Jessica:            Or more. No one knows. But let's say this. You can make the number be whatever you want. I think it should be in the 90s because it would be far worse to run out of money in your 90s than it would be to be prepared for more years and then have something to leave behind or have extra in case you need it, right? So let's say you're going to adjust for inflation. You're going to be retired 73 years old until 93 years old, okay? We're going to settle on that. It's a compromise closer to 80.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            How much money do you need a month? That's what I want you to figure out. And then hold that up against the choices you're making now. And I warned you this is annoying because what this is is painful, scary, and tedious, this advice. But I am a big believer in looking forward x amount of years and then dialing the goal backwards because it's easier than trying to goal between now and 70-something or 90-something. So⁠—because you have your 50s and your 60s, which are potentially theoretically good earning years, and then we get into harder earning years, and so harder on the body, harder on the mind, harder because of ageism in all workplaces everywhere, right?

                        And so I think it's really important to be looking at the money piece in a really pragmatic way because that might help you make some damn decisions real quick. That might be like, "Oh yeah. This hourly wage is actually not going to help me to get where I want to go," or, "It is going to help me get where I want to go," or whatever it is. So I'm going to give you that annoying piece of advice.

                        And then I'm going to say that if we focus on your business, which⁠—say the name of it out loud one more time so I can [crosstalk].

Guest:              Tweed Custom Clothier: Modern Style With an Iconic Touch.

Jessica:            So I'm going to give you this very⁠—again, this is unsolicited advice. You are not asking me for this, but I'm going to tell you this.

Guest:              Give it to me.

Jessica:            I think it's time, unless you're completely closing down your business, to change that tagline to reference the Queers that you serve because when you started your business, it was a different time, and that wasn't going to help you. It was more like word of mouth. But now I think there's a value in having your tagline reflect⁠—it's like "Queer Clothes for Queer People." Obviously, that's not it, but something that is as clear as that.

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            You can finesse and play with this, okay? And I'm going to give you that homework. Unless you're walking away from the business, I think that needs to be done because there's not a sparkle on your name, the business name. And there should be, because you have a sparkle about the business. But there's not a sparkle on the name. And we need to get you some sparkle.

Guest:              So you think I should rename the business as well?

Jessica:            No, just the tagline.

Guest:              Oh, the tagline. Okay.

Jessica:            I mean, if you want to rename the business. I don't think that's necessary.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            But I think it's kind of like⁠—okay. You and I are both wearing seeing glasses. It's kind of like it's time to get a new glasses cleaner, a new spray, a new washcloth, and a new glasses case. You know what I mean?

Guest:              Yes.

Jessica:            You don't have to throw away your glasses. But it's like you gotta create a little bit of a cradle for them, you know?

Guest:              Yeah. Okay.

Jessica:            Okay. And it's really just about an update. So that's one thing. The other thing⁠—there are ways of thinking about creating passive income sources that are work on the outside in the short term and, in the long term, are a lot less work and that allow you to create lower-cost services so there's an advantage to the customer. And they take a dramatic amount of less effort from you after you've figured out what it is and learned how to do it. So that is something I want to encourage you to experiment with.

And that might mean thinking about, what are the questions that you ask your clients? How do you encourage them to think about their bodies and relationships to clothing? Perhaps you host webinars or you put together videos or classes or something around that. And do you empower people to kind of take some of your expertise and have an easier time applying that themselves? So maybe they can't afford to work with you for your whole package, but they can afford something⁠—more people could afford a lot less. And so you have, again, a lower-fee item that eventually is like people can buy it while you're sleeping, so you don't always have to be present and at your best when you're working.

And I don't know if that exactly is it, like that idea is exactly it. But I think that that's the direction. Does that make sense?

Guest:              Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely something I've thought about. Passive income definitely has crossed my mind, just thinking about what sort of services I can offer via either a web tutorial or a video that someone can watch, like, oh, get a part of that service without actually meeting with me, but just clicking on something and⁠—

Jessica:            Yep.

Guest:              But yeah. I have thought of those things, so it's good to hear. Also, your advice, just kind of kicking me in the but to just, like⁠—okay, maybe this would be also something good to do [crosstalk].

Jessica:            Yeah. And I think that what's tricky is that you are at the stage that I think a lot of self-employed people get to at various times in our careers where you need help. The kind of person you need help from is somebody who doesn't do what you do. It's somebody who can help you to think about business, who can help you think about technology in a way that maybe you don't as a fellow gen Xer. Maybe you're not thinking about all the ways in which you can use technology to expand your reach and to offer free or low-cost services to more people.

                        But that is something that⁠—if you decide to stay invested in building your business, you might consider finding some sort of a business coach or watching business advice videos or something like that because what is in your way is only your imagination and your ability to use the technology, because what I'm seeing when I look at you energetically is you have a bazillion systems of how you engage with various clients, ways you investigate their needs, help them identify their needs, help them have more agency around the process, and then⁠—we haven't even gotten to the clothes yet, right?

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            So all of those things are teachable moments. They're services in and of themselves. But because you are a person⁠—you're just one person⁠—what you've done is you've been like, "Well, this is what I'm capable of. I'm capable of giving this really intense, deep, personal service that has all these layers." You can't see outside of yourself because you're a person. If you were to see outside of yourself, what you would see is you are offering multiple services to each individual.

Of those multiple services, only a few of them actually need⁠—I mean, and these are clincher things. They're very high-value things. But only a few of them actually need you to be there live. A lot of them can be done⁠—they can be kind of automated and shared with people, I guess, is what I'm trying to say, not to undervalue what you do, but instead to have you think about it in a different way because the truth of the matter is, when you started your business, there wasn't Zoom. There wasn't webinars. There wasn't the ability for you to work with Queers all over the world in the same way that you can now.

Guest:              Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica:            And you haven't expanded, from what I'm seeing⁠—and please tell me if I'm wrong, but from what I'm seeing, you haven't expanded to a global audience. You are still pretty local.

Guest:              Yes. It feels that way for sure.

Jessica:            And I would say that it doesn't need to be that way, because there is very little that needs to happen literally in person. I'm sure there are certain things with clothes where it would be fucking helpful to be able to physically meet, but I don't know that that's actually necessary.

Because of that, what I am seeing is that you could⁠—if you decide to really commit to the business, you could really stand to work with somebody⁠, probably somebody who's younger and super online and all that kind of stuff, but somebody who's got a really good take on marketing and who can help you to tell your story in a way that better reflects your motivations, your history, where you're coming from, what you offer, and does it succinctly because marketing is⁠—it's a hammer, not a feather⁠—but also does it in a way where⁠—see, this is the way I always think about marketing.

                        I don't think about marketing myself. I'm terrible at marketing, so I shouldn't be giving advice, but I'm doing it. I don't think about marketing myself. What I think about is, if I was a human who was in need of my services, what would I do? Because the truth is anyone who needs your services, anyone who deeply desires your services, they're confused. They're googling. They don't know where the fuck to find you. How do they find you? Have you made it easy for somebody who's living in North Carolina to find you, or do they have to be connected to someone you know in the Bay Area?

                        This is where it's important to be thinking about making it easy for the people you want to serve to find you because there's so much noise on the internet. So how can that be? And the truth of the matter is, if somebody gives me a referral to something, I look them up on TikTok, Instagram⁠—but for something like the clothes referral, for this kind of a service that you're referencing, I'm going to look at social media. I'm going to look at a website. And do you have both of those things in place?

Guest:              I do. Yeah.

Jessica:            Great.

Guest:              I mean, I've also done fashion shows. Did two in New York, one in Toronto. Did a few here in the Bay Area, or several in the Bay Area. That, for me, was like marketing [crosstalk]⁠—

Jessica:            Yeah. It's expanding your reach. But what it doesn't do is it doesn't communicate to the Queer who's the Queer human, the Genderqueer human who⁠—I don't want to blow your mind, but there's a lot of Genderqueer humans⁠—who's like, "I want to find a way to dress that reflects the complexity of my gender and that makes me feel comfortable in my skin. I'm looking not just for a bespoke suit for an event but also for a language, for a reference point."

                        A huge part of what you're offering is the language and the reference point and the way to think about these things. You're not just offering the bespoke suit. You're offering this larger service, and that larger piece can be cut into smaller pieces and offered to people who couldn't maybe afford a suit or whatever. Or maybe they would just start with one piece, and then, once trust is established, then they dive in for the suit.

I think that that is worth considering because from what I see⁠—I'm sorry. I'm going to make you say your full business name. Don't give me the tagline this time. Sorry.

Guest:  Tweed Custom Clothier.

Jessica:            Thank you. Say your full name.

Guest:  [redacted]

Jessica:            Thank you. Man, you're push-pull, push-pull about this. You're push-pull about being seen. You're push-pull about working harder on this. You're push-pull about getting more business. You're not fully decided. You're still asking questions. And that's okay. Honestly, that's okay.

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Jessica:            I would be really interested if you would be able to consider⁠, if this would be fun for you, to think about clients you've had, customers you've had, over the years and touching stories, teaching moments that you shared, beautiful things you experienced, and if you could write that, because I see you're a really good writer. Are you a slow writer?

Guest:              Very slow.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah. Pluto conjunction Mercury. Yeah. You're a slow writer.

Guest:              I wouldn't consider myself a good writer, but⁠—

Jessica:            I know you wouldn't. That doesn't mean it's true.

Guest:              I've become a very good storyteller.

Jessica:            Yes. Okay. So two things I'm going to tell you about your phone, okay? The first thing is there's an app called Notes which is in your phone. You should look for it. And basically, all it is is this. It's just like a blank page, like a document. You can email it to yourself. Now, at the bottom corner, there's a microphone.

Guest:              Oh, okay. Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay? Now, if you hit that microphone, you speak words like this, just like this, and it types them.

Guest:              Types it out. Oh, nice. You're just dictating to the phone.

Jessica:            That's literally all it does. You can use this for texts. You can use this for emails. So there's a reason why I'm telling you this is because⁠—don't fucking write. Just, every once in a while, when you get a feeling, pull up the Notes app if you can, or you can write it as a text to somebody you trust or an email to yourself, and just tell a story. Just tell the story. Nothing too long. It does not have to be long. And if it's too long, you edit it down or you ask somebody to edit it down. And then, if you feel inspired, if you're like, "Oh, these stories are meaningful. They're sweet," you can ask the person that it was a story about, "Hey, are you comfortable with me sharing this with a photo of you or not?"

                        This might be something that you can do to share the journey that you've been on because I know you and I, before we started recording, were joking about being elder Queers. But the powerful thing about being an elder Queer is that you've lived through different generational experiences around being Queer. And we are living at a time where Trans rights are under attack, which means Queer rights are under attack. And we don't know what's around the corner, given the likelihood of a republican president in the next round, and what that will mean for⁠—

Guest:              It's scary.

Jessica:            ⁠—yeah, and what that will mean for Trans and Nonbinary and Queer bodies.

Guest:              Right.

Jessica:            And having the ability to share not just things that have happened in the last couple years, but to share over the many years you've been doing this work what you've experienced, how you've helped people, things you've learned⁠—I think that might be more powerful than you think it is when you're left alone in your world and you're just doing the thing you've been doing for a long time, because you've been doing this for over a decade, right?

Guest:              Almost a decade, nine years.

Jessica:            Nine years. We'll call it almost a decade.

Guest:              Yeah. Definitely lots of great stories. Lots of great interactions and experiences and moments. When I meet people's families or their parents and it's just⁠—one time where the dad was in tears because he just saw his Queer child having just this moment of complete confidence in themselves and in their queerness. For him as a father, it was just like, "Wow," seeing his Queer child just being really in this light. So, yeah, definitely lots of moments like that where I'm like⁠—

Jessica:            We need more Queer joy.

Guest:              ⁠—"I have to keep doing this."

Jessica:            Yes. Yes.

Guest:              But it's just hard. It's hard because, yeah, doing it alone is⁠—it's been hard.

Jessica:            We need more Queer joy. Those stories⁠—I get it. I have the kind of job where I take for granted, yeah, I talked to someone's dead relative. Oh, yeah, I do that all the time. But that's really special. And it is worth finding a way of sharing these really personal, often revolutionary experiences that you've had in your day-to-day with this career path you've chosen, but also with the life that you've led, right?

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            And this kind of wraps into this piece about kind of being burned out around being alone with your job. So there's two parts to this. The first is I do strongly advise you to find someone you can consult with, that you can pay to consult with, who can help you to organize exactly how you're going to shift your marketing story or shift your thinking about your work or to kind of cut into various pieces some of the services you offer, so continue to offer the services you do, but additionally, how to offer pieces. There are many people out there who can do that, and it is a write-off to invest in your business. It is worth it. If you find the right person, it is worth it. And that is working with a person.

                        But the other thing is this is part of why, when you were describing what's going on with you, I wrote in my notes, okay, it's time for you to be doing a service that is digital, like having webinars or groups, because it's about building community and having more people, not just these intimate, deep relationships that you build with your clients that you create bespoke suits for. But again, if you don't do as in-depth of a service, there can be more people there.

And I think that that will very quickly⁠—very quickly⁠—hit your quota for your needs for more people because you actually like a lot of space. You do good with some space. So don't think it will take that much of a change to make you feel like, "I'm cool. I got a lot of people in my life. That's enough." So I do want to throw that at you.

Guest:              Okay. Got it.

Jessica:            Within all of this, I want to just take a peek⁠—and we're going to beep this out, okay? But I want you to say the name of the company that you would have to quit your business in order to take that job. What is the name of that company, and what's the name of that role?

Guest:              Okay. So the role would be [redacted].

Jessica:            And they specifically cater to Queer people? No, but you would be the person who does that within the company.

Guest:              I feel like I could bring that into the company, would be I would bring my Queer self, my Queer ass, into that company and be able to attract more Queer clientele for that company.

Jessica:            Yes. I see what you're saying.

Guest:              And I feel like that could be why they chose to interview me. I'm sure they see it as an asset. Definitely, it would be beneficial for them to have someone come in who has worked with the Queer community for this long.

Jessica:            So this is what I'm going to say about this job. This is not a forever job. There will be a lot of things you hate about this job because it's a job.

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            Because it's a fucking job, right? I mean, that's the reason why, because you're going to have to be working within a hierarchy that is stupid sometimes. I don't think you're going to love all your coworkers either. I mean, just think about your life and think about who works there. It's going to be messy sometimes. That doesn't mean you should take this job. It just means this. If you take this job, do it for a financial goal and for it to expand your skill set, to be an exciting experience.

And then don't kill the business. Put her to sleep. Tuck her into⁠—I don't know why I'm feminizing it, but that's what is happening right now. Put her in bed. Tuck her in. Make sure she's comfy. And in⁠—let's say you take this job for two years. In that time, continue to consult with people who can help you how to⁠—when you kiss this princess and you wake her up from her nap, she can come back more empowered and more beautiful and with a new plan kind of thing. I think that it would be⁠—take this job for a financial goal. It would be a great new experience. There will be a lot of things you would learn to further your education and further your plans for your business down the road.

Guest:  Okay.

Jessica:            That would be a goal for you. I don't know that you fully remember what it's like to have a job and a boss. You didn't love it. You didn't love it. You did not love it.

Guest:              I mean, I've been lucky enough to have worked certain jobs where I was just, honestly, still having fun doing the job. But what I've come to really be accustomed to with running my own business is really just living my life in this sort of very free⁠—very freely. My schedule is so flexible. I love that complete independence of⁠, "My time is this."

Jessica:            Yeah. I see that you don't have to suffer fools. I think it's been about a decade since you've had to suffer a fool, and I think you may not be fully remembering how you feel about suffering fools. So I'm just going to throw that in the mix because you'd be working with a lot of guys, right?

Guest:              Yes. There's a lot [crosstalk].

Jessica:            A lot of cis, straight men.

Guest:              It looks like it. Yeah.

Jessica:            It looks like straight cis men. I don't know if that's your happy place. I'll say that. And that doesn't mean I'm saying don't take this job if you're offered it. I think there's a lot of reasons to take this job if you're offered it. But it is not a forever job.

Guest:              I was like, "It might not be a forever job." I actually am just like⁠—I'm curious about how the interview will go, too, and then decide from there.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Guest:              I love that you said put her to sleep for the time being. So it feels good to hear that, because it's like, yeah, it doesn't have to be the end-all of⁠—

Jessica:            No.

Guest:              ⁠—of Tweed Custom Clothier. It could be like perhaps I step away from it for a bit and then come back and⁠—yeah, and reintroduce it.

Jessica:            Yes.

Guest:              That I also⁠—even moments before our reading, I was definitely starting to feel a little⁠—just saddened by the idea of not doing what I do anymore. So that's shifted.

Jessica:            Great.

Guest:              ⁠Even after I asked the question when I read that email to you, I was like, "Oh, it would really suck to not offer that service to my community." How can I pull that away from people who are still seeking that out?

Jessica:            Something that I meant to say earlier and I didn't, and what you're saying now reminds me, is pretend that you are your customer, and you are looking for exactly your service. How would you go about looking for it?

Guest:              I would ask around first and then probably do a search online.

Jessica:            Okay. So imagine⁠—

Guest:              But I get⁠—

Jessica:            Imagine that you can only do the search online. My advice to you is to start doing the search online and see what comes up. See what other people are offering. See what exists. See what works and what doesn't work. I would advise you, whether or not you use these platforms, to search it on Instagram and to search it on TikTok because TikTok is the fastest-growing search engine.

Guest:              Wow.

Jessica:            And so you might not be using that as an elder statesman, but a lot of the world is. And so explore what other people are doing because it's inspiring to you. It would be educational. It would be inspiring. And maybe you would be like, "Oh. This validates that I want to get out," or maybe this just gives you the kind of sparkle and the inspiration that you need to be like, "Oh shit. I could do that. That would be fun for me to do."

We don't have to reinvent the wheel. And one of the beautiful things about the internet that I think a lot of gen X and older don't fully get to experience is that you have access to literally everything and everyone. That is overwhelming, but it is also an indication we don't have to reinvent the wheel. We can be inspired by the way other people have organized their services, their lives, whatever. Do you have friends who are younger than you?

Guest:  Yes.

Jessica:            Okay. I would recommend saying to the most digitally savvy or most social media⁠—the most chronically online younger friend you have⁠—be like, "I will buy you dinner. I will give you all the pizza and all the beers you want," or whatever it is, and be like, "Will you give me a tour around my personal hell of social media? Explain it to me in a way that's relevant to me. Help me do this thing." And most people would be like, "Sure. Yeah. You don't even have to buy me the pizza." Most people would be super normal and cool and easy about it.

                        So you just gotta know that it is a part of having a business in the modern world, and it is⁠—you don't need to figure it out. It's a skill, just like any other skill. And all you have to do is have someone explain it to you. The way that your brain works⁠—you have a Mercury/Pluto conjunction, so things need to be explained to you several times before it fully gets in there. But once it's in there, it's an iron trap. You got it. But you do need it explained several times.

                        So, if you have three younger friends that are chronically online, ask each of them separately. And have them each show you in their own unique ways, and you can be like, "Oh, but I thought x, y, z. That's what so-and-so said." And they'll be like, "Well, you can do that or this." So fuck around is what I'm trying to say.

Guest:              Yeah. Definitely.

Jessica:            Play with it.

Guest:              I don't have a TikTok account, so that's definitely something that I've heard, yeah, a lot of folks are getting into, especially with using it as a marketing tool, right?

Jessica:            But thinking of it⁠—so I would, again, say don't think of it as a marketing tool, because I don't know that you're ever really going to do that. Think of it as a way to build community, to make yourself, as an elder Queer with a lot of experience and a lot of care⁠—to make yourself accessible to younger people who wouldn't otherwise know you exist and have any access to you.

                        Here's the thing from my perspective astrologically. Gen Z is the Pluto in Sagittarius generation. They have been reared with social media and access to the internet and the world. But I have noticed that that generation doesn't have as many intergenerational relationships because if⁠—just imagine when we were in our early 20s. If we had access to every other person in their early 20s in the world, would we really be listening to 50-year-olds? I don't fucking know. I don't know. But in our small IRL communities, we had⁠—it was very intergenerational. It was like a lot of different kinds of people were in the room all the time.

                        So now it's important, from my perspective, for elders to be in these online spaces and to be accessible and present so that we can learn from the younger folks, but also, younger folks can learn from us, so that there can be this reciprocity and community-building. So think of it more as community-building and less as marketing because that's more how you are. You want relationships. You don't want to fucking market yourself. Obviously, if you were super motivated to market yourself, you'd already be doing that.

Guest:              I'm terrible at marketing myself.

Jessica:            Yeah. You and me both. I fucking hate it. Just think about building community and connection through the tools available to you. Right now, you don't know how to use those tools. That's fine. That's fine. It's not complicated to learn. It's just culturally uncomfortable. You know what I mean? And I'll say most of my friends who are our age do not use these tools. It is an age thing, which is why I said the younger your friend, the more chronically online, the better for this job.

Guest:              Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Guest:              I mean, I have an Instagram for my business, and I do try to post clients who consent to being photographed. But I feel like⁠—yeah, I feel like there's more that I can do with it. And I think it's exactly what you're talking about as far as sharing more stories or being more of a presence [crosstalk].

Jessica:            Yep, and also having someone show you how to use it because this has been my experience. And I'll tell you it's my experience because I ask young people to teach me things about social media. That's the only reason why I know shit about social media at all. And it's like if you have somebody show you, "Oh, this is how you can use a green screen for a suit that you made five years ago," and then tell a story with your little face⁠—you've seen people do this on Instagram, right?

Guest:              Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica:            With your little face in the corner so it's not all you, but it's a little bit of both, and then you can kind of move it around. That's really easy once someone tells you how to do it. If no one's shown you how to do it, it's impossible to imagine, right?

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            So, if you're making a video on Instagram, it has to have captions. If you're making a video on TikTok, it has to have captions. If nobody shows you how to use the captions, you might be like, "I don't know how to do that. That sounds bananas. I can't do that." So these things are simply skills to learn, and again, do not learn them to market yourself. Learn them so that you can be a part of the community, so that you're accessible to people younger, older, the same age, who need your care and service and also so that you can learn from what other people are doing right now because now there are other people who do what you do. Probably, when you started, there weren't, but now there's a lot more.

Guest:              Yeah. There's a lot more. Yeah, for sure.

Jessica:            And so, even with that, there can be collaborations. There can be community-building. There can be all manner of things.

Guest:              Yeah. There is a group of us who are collectively supportive of each other as far as Queer brands. And I know that, yeah, it's still a struggle sometimes with speaking with these other Queer brands and businesses. It's still such a struggle to offer this for our community. Even within our community, it feels like a struggle.

Jessica:            Again, that's where you need help. And I think, again, every self-employed person eventually⁠—we get in our own way. Based on our personalities, based on our habits, based on any number of things, there's only certain things we can do and do well. And other things, we're going to be like, "What?" You know what I mean?

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            And that's for every self-employed person. It's not just you. We're just talking about the ways that you could use help getting out of your own way, bringing more freshness to how you communicate what you do, and maybe thinking about how to make some of your work more accessible and to build community. Those are your bits of homework I'm giving you. And if you put the princess to bed⁠—because your business is now a princess. We've made a decision. So, if you put the princess to bed and you take another job for a period, fine. You've got lots of time to do it slowly. And if you don't take the job/you don't get the job, whatever happens, then you have a bit of a plan, you know?

Guest:              Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica:            And that's something worth considering.

Guest:              Can I tell you my long-term future goal for this?

Jessica:            Mm-hmm. Okay.

Guest:              I would love to get a trailer and drive across the country and do this for all the Queers across the country. That's like my ultimate⁠ goal.

Jessica:            That's your fantasy. It's not a goal. Okay. So that's a fantasy, not a goal. And what you're going to need help with is taking that fantasy and figuring out, how do you monetize that? How do you afford that? Gas is so expensive, plus you're putting a huge target on your car. You're going to put some beautiful signage so everybody knows that you're a Queer-owned business and you're a Queer clothier, so you're driving all across the country in that car, all across the country in that car? Tell me more. That's not a plan. That's a fantasy. And I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't do that Queer car, but I'm looking at your chart and I see that you're⁠—that's a bit of a⁠—it's not a plan. It's not a plan based on reality.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            But you could find somebody⁠—and it could be your bestie, it could be your dear diary, or could be like a business coachy person⁠—who you could say, "This is the fantasy. Help me break down into bite-sized, chewable pieces what are the pieces of that fantasy so I can start to think about what's reality about that. Is that a goal? And if that's a goal, how will I achieve that goal? Is it a way to make money? Is it a way to make community? Is it a way to hemorrhage money? Is it a way to put myself in situations that I'm not always comfortable with?"

                        It's a very good fantasy, but it is⁠—I mean, it is like a balloon tied to the lamppost on the block that you live. It is not a balloon in your hand. It is like an isolated fantasy is what I'm seeing at this moment. Is it viable? It actually is. You could make this into a goal, but you haven't.

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah. Sorry about that. But again, you don't have any earth in your chart. So sometimes it's hard for you to tell the difference between a vision and a fantasy and a material goal. Actually, I'm lying to you. You do have Mars in Virgo. That's one planet. That's a very good planet to have in an earth sign.

But anyways, all of this to say your business needs a little more love from you and a little bit of updating. And at this exact moment, you don't have the energy for it. You could wake up tomorrow and have the energy for it. It's not like you don't have the energy. It's that you're in a state⁠—that's like the first thing I said to you. You're in the state right now where you're questioning things. And I want to validate that that's just part of life.

I want to encourage you to give yourself permission to fucking question things because sometimes that's just what you gotta do. And this has a lot to do with age and time and you trying to figure out how you want to spend your time and how you fit into the world that is all of a sudden very different because everyone who goes through the Chiron Return is dealing with, "Wow, the world is really different." That is just part of aging. It's not specific to this time.

Within all of this, you have a great deal of potential. You have a great deal of passion for what you do and for who you do it for. And I think that if you just make the decision, if it feels right, to reinvest in your business, you could continue to serve the people you serve and additionally serve a lot more people in ways that you haven't fully visioned yet. And when I look at that, it's very exciting.

It's just you would have to bring that fantasy part of you that's willing and able to explore, "I could do this," and to really go wide with ideas, and then, again, have somebody who's not you help you break it down into services and offerings and such because I think that you have a lot of offerings in you that you haven't fully realized how special they are. And you haven't organized them to be individual offerings, which, again, I want to say would be a lot more affordable to the customer, which is really valuable to have lots of different price points. Right now, you don't have a lot of price points, but you could. And there's a great value in that for lots of reasons.

Guest:              Mm-hmm. That all sounds good. Yeah. Definitely. Definitely things to work towards.

Jessica:            Mm-hmm.

Guest:  So there's young folk out there listening right now.

Jessica:            Yeah. Oh, ye young folk. Oh, ye young folk.

Guest:              Yeah. You know, there are moments when I wake up in the mornings and I have all these wild and crazy ideas⁠—I wouldn't say crazy, but definitely a lot of ideas. And I get really pumped up. And then, as the day progresses and I feel like I'm being more grounded, it's like⁠—yeah, like I definitely do feel like I have more to do with this as far as with my business. There's so much more I can do with it, and I do feel like right now I'm sort of feeling stagnant. And definitely, I do agree with you that I do need to start updating many aspects of it. Yeah. I feel like⁠—

Jessica:            Let me interject that I think it's time for you to get a dry erase board with lots of different colored markers. Do you already have that?

Guest:              No, I don't.

Jessica:            Okay. Get it. And then, in the mornings when you have a lot of harebrained schemes and ideas, write them all⁠—pick a color⁠—in red. Write them all in orange. Whatever. Write them all on the dry erase board. And then, later in the day, when you're feeling more grounded, look at them with more sober eyes and consider, like, "Oh, is this something that I want to put in an idea book?" Then you're going to have a regular analog idea book, or it could be a document in your computer, whatever is easier for your brain. And write down ideas.

                        And then, after⁠—I don't know⁠—a month or two⁠—come on. It's December now. Give it a month. It's the holidays. You're busy. After a couple months, you can think about, "Do I want to consult with somebody and say, 'These are all of my ideas. Which ones are ridiculous? Which ones are doable? How hard would it be to do these things? What are the steps?'" Again, start visioning, and then hire somebody to help you to figure out the next steps or the implementation. And then you can do it. You just need a little help. It's literally all you need. I mean, you just need to give yourself a little more space for innovation and visioning and then to find somebody who can help you, and bada-bing, bada-boom, the situation.

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            I guess the final thing I just wanted to reiterate is you don't have to have the answers in December or January. Give yourself space. And if you have this job opportunity, nothing is a commitment. Nothing is written in stone. You do a thing for as long as you do a thing. And in order to keep the princess napping, you might need to take a client here or there in a mitigated capacity. And as long as that's not against your contract, that's absolutely fine.

                        But again, no massive decisions have to be made in this exact moment. Give yourself space to kind of bring sparkle back to the business in one way or another.

Guest:              Yeah. Sounds good.