Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

Jessica: So, Jared⁠—

Jared: Hi.

Jessica: ⁠—welcome to Ghost of a Podcast.

Jared: I'm gagged to be here. I'm excited to be here, and I'm just so thankful that you're doing this. I'm so stoked.

Jessica: Yay. Okay. Well, I'm thrilled that you're here as well, and I'm thrilled to give you a reading. And I'm just going to announce for the record we're not sharing your birth information.

Jared: We're not.

Jessica: No, and I respect that.

Jared: Thank you.

Jessica: It is my pleasure. So what would you like reading about today?

Jared: In the vein of this sort of Black Love prompt that you offered, I wanted to know if there's something in my chart that points to me being attracted to emotionally unavailable people or if there's something in my chart that sort of points to me just having unconventional relationships. And I believe in duality, so maybe there's something in my chart that makes me not the best for commitment or being someone's lover. So I just want to hold space for the duality of that.

Jessica: Okay. I've got so much to say on this topic. Before I get going, what are the pronouns I should use for the people you tend to date or hook up with?

Jared: It would be they, he, and she.

Jessica: In that order?

Jared: In that order.

Jessica: I respect that. And I like that you've got an order. That's good. Okay. Okay. So have you been in relationships thus far in your life?

Jared: Yes, but I've always had problems defining them or adhering to them as a conventional relationship because they don't either last long or they're just so weird.

Jessica: Mm-hmm. Weird like…

Jared: Weird as in⁠—like there's a weird pairing, like you would never imagine me ending up with a person as such, or weird like the circumstances as to how we got together are really strange.

Jessica: Do you tend to be monogamous, nonmonogamous, poly? Where do you fall?

Jared: See, that's the part that feels inadvertent. I feel like I'm inadvertently polyamorous, but I do have qualms with that term sometimes because⁠—

Jessica: The term or the [crosstalk 00:02:21]?

Jared: That's a good question. I think maybe the term. I feel like when I'll be in conversations with some people, like maybe it's not a monolithic definition, or I think sometimes people misconstrue polyamory for polygamy. I'm pretty accustomed to having multiple lovers at once or kind of these nonlinear sort of overlaps, but I don't think that all of these people are necessarily tethered to me at once, and I'm not tethered to them.

Jessica: Okay. That makes perfect sense, as I look upon your chart, that you are telling me this. So, then, I promise we're going to get there, but I'm going to ask you a couple more questions. If I had a magic wand⁠—which I don't. I don't, okay? So do not get excited by where I'm about to⁠—

Jared: No. You don't have one?

Jessica: I know it's totally sad. I have one, but it doesn't do anything. Okay.

Jared: Okay.

Jessica: So, if I had a magic wand and I could give you exactly what you wanted in a relationship, what would that look like?

Jared: Someone that doesn't have qualms with me being special, and thinking about special as just like⁠—you know, I'm an artist. I'm really trying to lean into my individuality. So someone that doesn't have qualms with uplifting that and celebrating that with me, helping me fortify that. Ideally someone that would give me space because I am a loner, and also someone that loves sex as much as I do, like explorative, expansive sex. It doesn't have to be rooted in penetration, or it doesn't have to be rooted in cumming, necessarily, but just someone that will stimulate me in this sexual way where we could even just talk about our fantasies and not judge each other, or kind of help each other embark on these fantasies solo or together, ideally together.

Jessica: So I want to just reflect back to you that there's so much clarity there, and also, do you want a relationship that is long term?

Jared: I think I do. Yeah.

Jessica: And do you want a primary partner?

Jared: I do.

Jessica: Okay. Great.

Jared: I also hold space, though, for the fact that I have some unfastening to do around heteronormativity.

Jessica: Yes. Yes.

Jared: I know that to be true. There are some things spiritually, or like I'm waiting for my mind to catch up. Like I know that I want to Queer some more things in my life, but I do think that I have to unfasten some of the conventions I was brought up with, if that makes sense.

Jessica: It absolutely does. Both as a person I say that and also, again, a person looking at your birth chart. Okay. So there's a lot in here. I'm going to actually have you say your full name, but we're going to beep that out.

Jared: Okay.

Jessica: So yeah. Say your full name for me.

Jared: Jared [redacted].

Jessica: You're missing a name. What's your mom's maiden last name?

Jared: Oh my God. Whoa. I was just⁠—oh my God. I was just thinking about how I do technically have another middle name, and it's⁠—my mom gave me her grandmother's [crosstalk]⁠.

Jessica: That's what I need. Okay. Good. That's the one. Okay.

Jared: Yes. Oh my God. Whoa. It's Jared [redacted].

Jessica: Much better. Thank you.

Jared: Wow.

Jessica: Well, we're just beginning, so don't get too impressed yet because I don't want to have nowhere to go but down. Were you raised with your dad around?

Jared: No. I have an absent father, and he's now deceased.

Jessica: I'm sorry.

Jared: I appreciate that.

Jessica: And this is kind of a thing in your matrilineage, eh?

Jared: Yes. Yes.

Jessica: Yes. I see that from that name that you gave me. I'm not starting where I thought I was going to start, but I am going to say that there is this kind of inherited pattern through your matrilineage of having a really big heart, choosing with your heart, but not choosing people who see you and show up for you. Does that make sense with what you know of the women in⁠—yeah.

Jared: It absolutely does, Jessica. And you just triggered a memory where I used to talk to my mom⁠—and now older me wouldn't say this, but I made some observations as a kid at one point. I was like, "Mom, why are all the women in our family just alone? Is there some sort of curse?" And I just remember her not really knowing how to respond to that.

Jessica: Yeah. That's fair. And also, the answer is no.

Jared: Yeah. Like why would I say that?

Jessica: Yeah. I mean, because kids are honest. But the answer is, no, it's not a curse. It's like a combo platter of the pitfalls of so much that happens within heterosexual culture, but also, it's this thing that I named. And it's kind of what you were getting at when you were responding to my questions. It's like you naming that you want somebody who is responsive to your uniqueness, your specialness, your need to remain an introverted person and a creative person⁠—right?

Jared: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: The requirement to have a partner who basically sees you, gets you, accepts you, and doesn't try to change you in order to be in a relationship⁠—that is not something that they prioritized, maybe out of necessity, maybe out of just they didn't prioritize it. And there is this thing that you are doing where you are asking for what you need, asking for⁠—and I'm not sure you're actually doing this, but in this conversation, what you're sharing with me, you're asking for what you need. That is a shifting of the pattern.

And I will say just because something is inherited or ancestral doesn't mean it doesn't evolve and change over the course of generations and that we can't evolve and change. It's just the inherited conditions are harder to change because of how much spiritual assumptions we have, like unconscious assumptions we have, based on the people that came before us. Right?

Jared: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Now, I want to go to your birth chart because I read your question⁠—unavailable people, right? And I was just like, "Okay, what's Uranus doing?" And of course, you've got Uranus sitting in your seventh house, in your seventh-house stellium, and it's conjunct to Mercury, which is also conjunct to Neptune. When we have a Uranus/Mercury conjunction, what happens is it's like you're restless. You're restless around friendships. You're restless in your mind. You're restless around how fast relationships are moving. If things move slowly, I don't know how you tolerate it. I don't know if you do tolerate it.

Jared: Wow. I feel [indiscernible 00:08:52]. Yeah. It's something that makes me uncomfortable, and it brings up some sort of inferiority thing when things aren't moving at a pace that seems natural to me. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: So there's a couple things I'll say to that. One is you have Mars conjunct the Ascendant in a Gemini. You are bored easily. So let's not pathologize a personal preference, right? Your mind moves fast. Your nature moves fast. And you get quickly and easily bored. If there's too much repetition, if you're like, "Oh, I know what they're going to do next"⁠—a couple times that comes up, you're like, "What is the literal point here?" And it's hard for you to show up. So there's that, but that's not all. You⁠—I'm excited. I'm excited. You don't have a lot of water in your chart.

The only water that you have in your chart is Pluto in Scorpio. I mean, you also have Chiron in Cancer, but it's not a planet, so I'm not exactly counting it. But Pluto is your only water placement. And so this practice of sitting in your emotions or, worse, sitting in your body⁠—in your emotions in your body⁠—is very uncomfortable because your one reference point for that is Pluto⁠—Pluto in Scorpio intercepted the sixth house, by the way. So it's something that, for sex, makes sense, with extreme pain makes sense⁠—like you're going through a terrible time; yes, you can deeply step into your body and into your emotions and be there.

But in terms of, "We're getting to know each other. We went out for food, and now we're going to maybe keep on going on dates," if it's moving slowly, that, it looks like, is where there's this emotional discomfort that comes up. Does that make sense?

Jared: It absolutely does make sense.

Jessica: Okay. So we're going to come back to that. I'm building up. The other thing that really surprised me when I looked at your birth chart⁠—because it's quite unusual⁠—is that you have an unaspected Venus. The reason why this is unusual is because Venus is always so close to the Sun and Mercury that it's not super common for it to be unaspected in the birth chart.

I want to preface everything that I'm going to say with, if you decide that what you really want is this relationship, this magic-wand relationship you described, you can have it. There's nothing in your birth chart that says to me, "Oh, no. That's not going to work for you."

The thing that stands in your way that is within your control⁠—who you meet, when you meet them, how available they are, those kinds of things, not completely in your control. But the thing that you can control within yourself is your own capacity to be the partner to that person because if you're going to be with somebody who really sees you and really gets you and doesn't need to be with you all the time⁠—they are comfortable and confident enough to give you space to be alone or to have other creative, kind of emotional or sexual connections⁠—they are going to be somebody who actually really, really gets you or somebody who's not safe for you.

So we're going to pretend you're going to not go with the not-safe-for-you person. We're only going to go with the person who really gets you. And there is a way that when people really get you, they are often people who move a little slower than you. They're more emo types. Does this make sense?

Jared: That does make sense. Yeah.

Jessica: You're thinking of a person in particular right now?

Jared: I am. I totally am. Yeah.

Jessica: So let me take a peek at them psychically. Can you say their name for me?

Jared: Their real name is [redacted], but their nickname is [redacted].

Jessica: They or he?

Jared: They're figuring that out, but an AMAB person but have told me that they prefer "they," and they're trying to figure out their gender and things like that.

Jessica: Yeah. I feel like they're on the precipice of a kind of big transition, actually. But "they" for now. So they're actually a great example of what I'm talking about. Sometimes they annoy you because of how slow and tender they can be, eh?

Jared: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Yeah. But it's that same exact quality that allows them to have⁠—they really see you as special, and they're not especially competitive for your time and energy. They are insecure, and so in that way, they can be.

Jared: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. And you yourself can be very insecure, but it's harder for you to tolerate other people's insecurity, which is something for you to work through, my friend, because⁠—

Jared: Heard you.

Jessica: Thank you⁠—because if you go for people who satiate that part of you that's restless and itchy for more, then you're going to go for these people who are more confident. They're less self-reflective. So they're cognitively self-reflective; they're smart. You don't go for people who aren't smart. But they're not emotionally self-reflective. And so then what ends up happening is you outgrow them very quickly, or they hurt your feelings.

Jared: It's typically the latter, but⁠—yeah.

Jessica: The latter. I'm sorry.

Jared: No, it's okay.

Jessica: How old are you now? Are you in your Christ year now?

Jared: I'm 32. I just turned 32.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. So you haven't hit your Christ year yet. Good. Okay. This is⁠—

Jared: What's a Christ year?

Jessica: Oh. You don't know about your Christ year? Okay.

Jared: Yeah, no. Tell me. [indiscernible 00:14:25]

Jessica: Okay. So you've heard of the Saturn Return, right?

Jared: I have. Yes. Yes.

Jessica: Okay. So the Saturn Return takes about two years to build up. You have your Saturn Return. It's like, biff, bam, boom, right? They hit you in the face, and then it's⁠—you learn whatever you learn, and then life seems like it goes back to normal. You're 30. You're 31. You're 32. Everything seems like it's back to normal, and then 33 hits. It's the Christ year. And basically, it is the pinnacle of the Saturn Return. It's everything that you didn't quite deal with and everything you did a real good job with comes into fruition.

The whole Christ story⁠, I'll say just very briefly, was his Saturn Return. From start to finish, it was his Saturn Return. And so the Christ year is really kind of in some ways like an outcome. It's not really an outcome, but that's the easiest way for me to describe it in shorthand. And so, for you, this will have a lot to do with how you figure out how to show up as yourself for yourself, which means showing up with others. That's what that means for you because of your very heartfelt drive to have intimate relationships.

So your individual wellness is not separated from your capacity to be intimate with others. And being intimate with others is not just about showing up; it's about receiving. And you're actually a lot better at showing up than receiving, which is why you pick these people who are much better at taking than they are at giving.

Jared: Does that also bleed into not just romantic but⁠ platonic—

Jessica: 100 percent, yes.

Jared: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. 100 percent. Is that your experience as well?

Jared: 100 percent.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. It applies to all of your intimate one-on-one relationships. And do you have long-distance friends, like friends who are out of state, out of the country?

Jared: Yes, I do. And a long time ago, one of those friends was like, "Sometimes it almost seems like you're better at having long-distance friends than friends, like…"

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah.

Jared: Yeah.

Jessica: That's true. People who have⁠—you have a Mercury conjunction to Uranus⁠— Mercury square, Mercury opposition⁠—any of those three aspects, we will often have long-distance relationships, relationships were you never actually get together in person, but you're communicating through technology in one way or another. You're great at that. You're like, drop in. "Hey. What's up? Interesting." Drop out. That is your happy place.

Jared: That is so me.

Jessica: Yes. I see. However/and also/but look at your Libra Moon. Look at your little Libra Moon just sitting there in the fifth house. She is so vulnerable. She is so tender. And the Moon squares Neptune. The Moon squares Mercury. The Moon squares Uranus. Let me tell you what it means.

Jared: Oh. Wow.

Jessica: Yes. You know enough to say, "Oh. Wow." So what this means is that you want intimate relationships. I mean, Libra Moon, stellium in the seventh, unaspected Venus⁠—you want relationships, you want intimacy, and you want closeness. But these squares to the Moon as well as your unaspected Venus tell a conflicting story⁠—not contradiction, but a conflict. And why that is is that you want an intimate relationship, but… You want to be close to people, but… You want to show up and be real and really let people get to know you, but… You want to really listen and get to know them, but…

And so, in other words, whether that "but" is anxiety, restlessness, you are comparing yourself to them, or them to someone else⁠—

Jared: Oh my God. Yeah. It's all of those.

Jessica: Yeah. It's all of the above, plus, plus. And ultimately, what it comes down to in regards to the Moon squares is boundaries. And I don't mean this in the most traditional way. I mean you are so emo, but because you're uncomfortable being emo emo, like vulnerable in-your-body emo, you're emo in your head. Feelings convert to thoughts. Feelings convert to actions. Feelings convert to distractions.

So having boundaries with yourself around, "Okay. I am⁠—whatever⁠—hanging out with this person, and I know that it's just hanging out. Maybe sparkly hanging out. Maybe dirty hanging out, but just hanging out," or, "I'm hanging out with this person, and I don't know what it is. I feel that it could kind of go in any direction," or, "I want it to go in a particular direction, but it is not that yet"⁠—once you've determined which bucket the connection falls into, my advice to you is to then go ahead and set different boundaries for yourself around what you⁠—not what you⁠—I don't want to use the word "should" because I fucking hate the word "should," but⁠—

Jared: Me, too.

Jessica: Yes. We're both very Uranian this way, so we're like, "Don't tell me what I should do." But, that said, if what you know is that this is sparkle/fun, but that's pretty much what it's going to be because you can tell something about them⁠—they're just not compatible, you want different things, whatever it is⁠—then the boundary with yourself is don't obsess over them. You don't have to overthink this shit. It's supposed to be fun. And if it's not fun, why are you doing it? Because you don't believe it's facilitating something deeper.

So, if it's not fun, stop. And if it is fun but you're obsessing or you're overthinking it, rein yourself in. That's the boundary you have with yourself. That make sense?

Jared: That actually does make sense.

Jessica: Excellent.

Jared: And it is wild because I feel like I don't know if it has something to do with this year, but I think that was like a realization I've just recently come into. And I'm trying to figure out more ways how to actually embody that because it has been a realization. I'm like⁠—yeah.

Jessica: You're in that part of your Saturn Return of integration. So much of the 20s, you're figuring out who you are. You're running into walls and being like, "Holy shit. That's a wall." That's how you grow. That's how you develop. But the Saturn Return comes, and you really learn shit about yourself. And from there, what happens is⁠—pure Saturnian fashion⁠—things get integrated, like you actually get it in a whole other way throughout your system. It hits your bones. Saturn governs bones.

And what comes next is your ability to make connections and not just be like, "That's a connection. Zing. That's a connection. Zoom." Right? So get distracted. It's, "That's a connection. Oh, I can feel that land. Okay, what am I going to do with that⁠—or not?" Not everybody acts on what they learn. But we have greater access to the lessons, basically. And so I'm not surprised that you're like, "Holy shit. Yes, I know this, and I'm working on it."

So I want to say this. It doesn't have to be complicated to be deep. Sorry, Mercury square Moon. Mercury square Moon says, "Yeah, it does. It has to have 100 tentacles in order to be deep." No, it doesn't.

Jared: Oof. That just came right on time. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. And it's a lesson that I imagine that even if you get it, it will keep on showing up in various ways because you have a Mercury/Moon square. And so you like things to be complex as a way to substantiate your feelings.

Jared: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: So here's a rule I shall give you. Let me see. Yeah. Mercury in Capricorn. I can give you a rule. Okay. And you can tweak it for yourself because so much of your nature is like, "Don't give me fucking rules." But you got Mercury in Capricorn, so you can have a rule and then tweak it for your own use. But this is the rule. If you know you're not trying to turn this person into a growth experience or a tomorrow in some sort of a deep way, it has to be fun; it doesn't have to be complicated. Boom. That's it. That's it.

And fun can sometimes be complicated in its own way. There are so many different ways to have fun with someone. But there is a way that you can lose track of yourself by obsessing, and that's not fun. That's the opposite of fun.

Jared: 100 percent.

Jessica: Yeah. Okay. Now we get into this very large gray area that exists for you in your love life. And when I say love life, I don't only mean your sexual and romantic relationships, because it looks like you have love relationships with platonic people. Is that right?

Jared: Oh yeah.

Jessica: Yeah.

Jared: 100 percent.

Jessica: You do really good in gray area. You're good for it. You've got Neptune in the eighth house. And the Moon, it's hugging the cusp of the sixth house, but it's in the fifth house. And that makes you emo and romantique and spiritual and woo and tender about people you have sexual chemistry with.

Jared: Oh yeah. Me.

Jessica: Yes. You. So you can have a friend who you have sexual vibes, but all you do is snuggle⁠—and that, for you, can be so much⁠—and then other people who you have sex with, and that's what that is. But you are likely to have lots of different levels and kinds of sexual/romantic intimacies, and that works for you. It is your nature, and it is worth embracing.

Jared: Okay.

Jessica: Yeah. But you have a fucking stellium in the seventh house and a Libra Moon, so you do want a relationship. You want a bestie "I come home to this person" relationship.

Jared: It's sometimes where I'm like, "What is wrong with me?" And to add to that, I'm realizing, too, I draw so much data about myself from my relationships, which makes me feel wild sometimes because even the bad ones, I'm like, "Well, what does this mean about me? I worked for an abuser." You know what I mean?

Jessica: Yeah.

Jared: Just all these different factors, I'm like, "What does it say about me?" And I need to try to figure out how to work with that energy and not let it just⁠—yeah.

Jessica: Okay. So there's a bunch of things I want to say to that. So the first is let's take a moment to discuss your unaspected Venus in the seventh because unaspected Venus tends to function in a way where real intimacy, like closeness, isn't actually very important to you for chunks of time. And then you just, on a dime, change and it becomes the most important thing in the world to you. It's a flip-flop. What happens with this unaspected Venus is that you can be sometimes really reserved with people you feel intimate with and then, other times, be like, "Where are you? What's up? Where are you? What's up?"

And so, when you say, "What's wrong with me?" I mean, there's nothing wrong with that. It's super normal, actually. You might be saying, "What's wrong with me? Why am I being normal in this way?" when in other ways you're not the most normie person around relationships. But what that Venus needs from you is to be comfortable with having disharmony with other people and not leaving.

Jared: Oh my God. Yeah. I hate having conflicts with people, and it's so uncomfortable and awkward. And it makes me want to break out. It could just be something so⁠—like you owe me money, and I'm like, "Don't want to ask you because it's"⁠—you know.

Jessica: Yes.

Jared: And it'll be like past trauma shit that I'll let inform something new. And I'll be like, "I just don't want to even have the convo. I'm going to just break out and just be by myself."

Jessica: Right. Okay. So that's the thing that I would say if there was one thing you were going to take my advice to work on, it would be that thing. That would be the thing because the way to unlock the unaspected Venus⁠—and it's hard when we have an unaspected planet because in the birth chart, all the planets are talking to each other. They're yelling at each other. They're cooing at each other and everything in between. But they're all in conversation with at least one other planet.

When we have a planet like your Venus which is not in conversation with the rest of your chart, it either stands up on the bar and grabs a mic and starts singing a song that is not playing in the bar⁠—like it's just doing its own fucking thing⁠—or it kind of hides in the corner.

Jared: Yes. Okay. These images, too, I⁠—yes. Totally.

Jessica: You're like, "I've been there at that bar." So the thing that is important is not that you be less yourself. You're allowed to be introverted half the week and extroverted the other half of the week. That's fine. That's being a person. It's cultivating a greater capacity for being present during disharmony or conflict or discomfort, awkwardness. And the only way to do it is through Venus. So Venus motivates through values.

So, by saying to yourself, "I value having substantial intimacies enough that I have to value being forthright with people. I have to value my friend who owes me $2 enough to say, 'I hate to ask for this, but do you mind? I know you said you were going to get it for me. Could you?'" just because if you don't, then they don't know that you have pulled back from them in regards to your intimacy with them over something that doesn't mean anything to either of you, actually. Right?

Jared: Totally. Totally.

Jessica: It's just because there's this part of you that is idealistic and wants security and love and happiness and beauty to be a given at all times with no effort. And this is the downside of Venus, is like, "I should never put a filter on this face. It will be glorious and glowing at all times." Venus wants that.

And the reality is that the greatest way to sustain true intimacy is by being able to be empathetic and kind to yourself when you're being empathetic and kind to others. It's not doing one at the expense of the other. And it makes sense that you would want to cut out with people because you're like, "This is at the expense of me now," even though that's not at their fault, necessarily. It's because you're scared, right?

Jared: Yeah. 100 percent.

Jessica: To make this worse for you⁠—I'm sorry⁠—you have Mercury conjunction to Neptune. Now, Mercury conjunct Neptune can make you feel like saying no to people or being unpleasant to people or even in disagreement about stupid shit is being mean. So saying yes is nice; saying no is mean.

Jared: Yes.

Jessica: And of course you don't actually believe that, because you also have Mercury conjunct Uranus, which means you've got a very sharp mind and you are very disagreeable.

Jared: Yeah. Those both also feel inherited by the matriarchal part in my family.

Jessica: Yes.

Jared: And I'm also⁠—something you said earlier, too, where I think you were saying Venus just wanted things to be perfect and good, and just in conjunction with what you just said now is that I have past trauma of when I expressed gripes in my younger life, people would be like, "Oh, you're so dramatic. You're blowing this out of proportion." And I'm also unpacking that now with a therapist that some of that was also misogyny. I used to cry a lot. I was like, "I'm a very"⁠—like you said, emo. I used to cry a lot, and people would be like, "Boys don't cry," you know, not like the Cure song. It did not have that energy.

Jessica: No. No.

Jared: But it was very like, "Boys don't cry. What are you…"

Jessica: Right. Yes.

Jared: So now I try to just⁠—you know, at one point tried to minimize that, and now I'm trying to embrace it. Does that make sense?

Jessica: It makes complete sense. And it's so confusing because, again, it's like you have Mars on the rise in an air sign. Mercury and Uranus are conjunct. You are somebody who knows what you think. You have strong reactions. People bug the shit out of you. You disagree. Whatever.

Jared: Totally.

Jessica: And that's fine with you. And then the rest of you is a tenderhearted, emo, "What do you need? Oh, no, you take the bigger slice." You know? Yeah. And so it's really hard because it doesn't feel like there's a bridge between how you are comfortable asserting, which is kind of terse and maybe a little to the point, and then how you're not comfortable asserting. You haven't figured out what is your sweet spot of talking about things that are uncomfortable.

And I think a good way of exploring this is by looking at people, either in your life or in fiction⁠—ideally a little bit of both⁠—who you think are forthright. They're honest. They're direct. They're not mean. They don't shut people down, and they also don't shut themselves down. And they also don't minimize their own feelings, needs, and preferences. How do they talk? What are the characteristics that you think are of those people who can be direct, who can be in disagreement without being disrespectful or unkind?

Try to notice that, because the Mercury conjunction to Neptune⁠—it gives you the capacity to imprint on things. So when you can see it⁠—that's why I was like, you can find this from media as well as from people in your real life⁠—it's easier for you to imagine how you can apply it to yourself.

Jared: That's powerful.

Jessica: Yeah. And it'll work for you. It just won't work quickly.

Jared: The first person that came to mind is Sula, like the Toni Morrison book.

Jessica: Oh. Okay.

Jared: She was so unapologetically herself and, I think, got demonized a lot, or depended on who⁠—

Jessica: Yes.

Jared: You know. But she was just so her. She was so⁠—it was almost like punk energy.

Jessica: Okay. So I'm going to throw an annoying detail at you. Don't do this with books.

Jared: Okay.

Jessica: Let me tell you why: because with books, you're reading their thoughts and their feelings. If you could read people's thoughts and feelings, you would just bring up when you needed the $2 back from them when they were in the right frame of mind. Do you know what I mean?

Jared: Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jessica: It's almost like the way that you first heard this was like, "How could I sneak attack so that I could magically know the right thing to say at the right moment?" The truth is, if you⁠—and this is hard for a Mars conjunction to the Ascendant, but again, you got enough Capricorn in you. I think you can do this. If you say something and it comes out mean, all you have to do is be like, "Oh shit. That came out mean. I want you to know it came out mean because I'm being awkward and not because I'm mad or feeling weird towards you." Just own it. Just own it because the truth is when we double down on our edges, yeah, the bad, negative consequences occur.

And the truth is, when you have boundaries all of a sudden in your 30s after never having had boundaries before, some people will tell you you're being mean. Some people will say you're being a bitch, for sure. You and every other human since the dawn of time who has boundaries gets told that they're being mean at least sometimes. And what you need to be able to do is sit with, "That's how they feel. Is that because of who they are or because of what I did?"

Jared: Wow. Yeah.

Jessica: And this brings me back full circle to cultivating the ability to sit with your feelings even when your brain is like, "Look over there. Do over there." It's really hard. And so, because you have Pluto in the sixth house in Scorpio, I think that probably the best, easiest way for you to do that is through your body. So do you do yoga or anything like that?

Jared: I work out every day. I start my day that way⁠—

Jessica: Okay.

Jared: ⁠—[crosstalk] need to.

Jessica: What kind of workout do you do?

Jared: I do a lot of cardio, weights, rope, and I also swim.

Jessica: So I like all of that. The reason why I'm asking this is because I'm thinking about⁠—I don't know what it would be, but finding a practice for when you're overwhelmed with emotions, especially around relationship shit, where there is something that you do. Did you ever hear about the Sufis, the whirling dervishes?

Jared: No.

Jessica: I am not an expert in this, so I'm hesitant to explain it. But what I do know is very surface, and it's that there is a spiritual practice that they had of dancing in a circle to reach a state of divine ecstasy.

Jared: Whoa. I'm dead. There's a part of this in this book that I was reading by Paulo Coelho called The Witch of Portobello.

Jessica: And what is the dance?

Jared: Well, they just talk about this character, and yeah, she dances herself into⁠—it's been a while since I read it, but yeah, it's this sort of rhythmic dancing in a circle, and you kind of bring on a trance, sort of, and process.

Jessica: I think we're probably talking about the same thing.

Jared: Yeah.

Jessica: So I'd be curious if that would help you because⁠—or some version of that. So, if you start googling, the algorithm's going to feed you. So let it feed you. The intercepted Pluto in your sixth in Scorpio needs something intense and overwhelming that you use your body as the vehicle to get into the feelings. So dance can help that, but if you're dancing to music that is part of your social life, that's going to be a distraction because you hear this track, and it reminds you of this person, and then you're like, "Oh fuck. Let me go see what they're doing." Right?

It's gotta be music that you listen to specifically how people will listen to guided meditations, like music that is exclusive to this practice. The intention is to access your feelings, and the way to get to your feelings is through your body, through getting into your body, staying with your body, and emptying out your analyzer or distracting yourself from your analyzer with your body because you already do that, but you don't do that to access your emotions. You do that simply to clear your head.

So this practice could really help you when you're trying to sort through your relationships. When we come back to that person we talked about before who's tender⁠—and you're kind of dating-ish them?

Jared: So even a lot of things that you're talking about in this reading, like how I just need to express more hardship things⁠—I had a conversation with him a few weeks ago about just some disappointments from expectations that weren't just perceived on my end⁠—things that they had promised and weren't able to muster up. And we had a conversation about it, and it was the first time. And I was so awkward and uncomfortable, Jessica, but it went so well. They were so sweet, and I mean, they also revealed that they'd been going through some shit that I didn't even know the full end of because they're also a loner in their own way.

But the nature of the combo, it was so antithetical to what I was telling you before where I've expressed in the past and people would be like, "You're so dramatic," and all this. It was so not that. It was like, "I'm so sorry. You make me feel so good, and I just haven't been well. And even when I saw you, you made me feel so much better. But I still am not well." I've been processing that. I'm just like, "Wow." That's just the truth. It's not something I want to hear. Even how you were talking about my unaspected Venus⁠— it's not cute, right? It's not. But it's the truth, and I respect that, that it was real shit. You know?

Jessica: And it didn't end. It just was left non-conclusive, right?

Jared: Exactly. I feel like in any other condition, we could have this really sweet love being⁠—like just being. But right now, I just don't think that time is permitting that. And what does it mean to radically accept that?  But also, sometimes loving, you have to release things out of your control. I'm very⁠—I don't know if my chart says it. I have⁠—yeah. Just control is just something, too, for me. You know?

Jessica: Yeah. Well, you're very⁠—again, I'm going to say two completely contradicting things. On the one hand, you like to be in control of everything and to see what's coming. And on the other hand, you're so good at letting things go, letting people go. It just depends on what's activated. And have you called them since that conversation or texted them?

Jared: We haven't. No.

Jessica: I would recommend just reaching out because I think they're really embarrassed. And I don't think that really occurred to you, but I think they're really embarrassed because they didn't realize that they were hurting your feelings or not showing up. And I don't know that you can be with this person, and at the same time, I agree. There's something there. There's something weirdly magical there.

Jared: There is something there, Jessica.

Jessica: I see it.

Jared: It really is. I've never wanted to just hang out and read a magazine⁠—you know how you were describing how I get bored?

Jessica: That's exactly it. Yes.

Jared: I want to just do simple shit with this person. I want to just lay up in the bed and smoke a joint and read a fashion mag, and that is so not me.

Jessica: I don't know that that's over. Hold on. Hold on.

Jared: Okay.

Jessica: I'm just⁠—yeah. I don't know that⁠—on the one hand, they're not okay. That is true. They're having mental health issues.

Jared: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: And they have some things in place, but they're actually not really using those things. On the other hand, there's something just so lovely between the two of you that I think maybe expressing to them that while it didn't get resolved in the perfect way that you would have preferred, that you are not angry and that you still have all of this love in your heart or however you want to frame it⁠—care in your heart⁠—for them. I think they might be surprised to get that message from you because I think they kind of crumbled inside of themselves. I can't tell if that's their personality or the crisis they're in. And they are pretty bananas about you. They're very into you. Yeah.

Jared: I appreciate you saying that, and it's also something that is felt in my body, and they don't have to say it. And I sometimes wonder if what I'm doing⁠—they can just feel it without me saying it because sometimes I don't know that I am articulating myself enough about⁠—

Jessica: I think you're both like that. It's weird.

Jared: Yeah.

Jessica: You're very similar and very different at the same time. So, coming full circle to this larger part of your question of, "Why do I attract these unavailable people?"⁠—

Jared: Yes.

Jessica: Right? Because now I'm like, oh, this is part of why you sent the question, right?

Jared: Yes.

Jessica: Because of this person. Okay. Okay. I'm getting it. I'm slow, but I'm getting it. Okay. So, in part, I would say just because it's not now doesn't mean it's not. And it is possible that this is not ever going to become anything or you'll try and it'll fail.

It seems to me equally possible that this is your beginning, and your beginning is not quick, which⁠—to be honest, I think your healthiest relationships, friendships, love relationships, professional collaborations⁠—whatever it is⁠—probably won't be quick because your viewfinder, when you're scanning quickly, is somebody you're comfortable with, in other words, somebody that you can just⁠—you do you, and they do them. And you're orbiting really, really close to each other, and you're dipping into each other. But really, you're doing you and they're doing them. That's your comfort zone.

Jared: Yeah.

Jessica: It takes time to develop intimacy. It just does. It takes time to build trust. And there's something between the two of you that I think tells you both, "Oh, I could trust this person. I could be myself with this person. I could be seen by this person." And you have evidence of it, but I'm seeing like four months. Is that right?

Jared: Since we've rekindled talking again, but we actually connected right before the pandemic. And they live in a different city. And so we have been trying to meet up, and like you kind of picked up on, there's just some factors that have just been getting in the way more. And I was just recently where they were, and we just had an amazing time. And then something sort of happened where I was disappointed, and they had no idea, but I felt we had this conversation and they apologized and then kind of also gave some insight to just what they have been personally going through, which I had no idea.

Jessica: I feel like I'm probably always saying this, but I feel like if you can cultivate curiosity about what's slowing this down and if there's actually a gift in this being slow, I think you might actually really like what you find. And again, I can't tell what's going to happen with their mental health. Honestly, that seems like the thing that's stopping things from progressing. Are they just a couple years younger than you?

Jared: Yes. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. They're on a different part of the Saturn Return journey.

Jared: Yeah. They just turned 30.

Jessica: Yeah. That makes sense. I think it's worth pursuing⁠—not aggressively pursuing or trying to make happen, but just having that one conversation where you let them know that it was a big deal for you to say what was up, and the way they responded was something that is incredibly special to you. Checking in on them, that kind of a thing⁠—that will make a difference to you and to them. And I think that that's really what it's about at this stage, is just showing up for the awkwardness, not needing it to be beautiful in order for it to be beautiful, you know?

Jared: Yeah.

Jessica: My general belief as an astrologer is that when we are attracted to unavailable people, it's because we're not available, because we want a fantasy. It's because we want something perfect, which doesn't exist. I think that's true with you, and it is. And also, it's not true with you at all. And this is where I just want to drag you back into feeling your feelings in your body. I'm sorry. It's super annoying.

Jared: No, it's not. I really appreciate that because that feels real. That feels⁠—yeah, something can impact one of those sensibilities and throw the balance.

Jessica: Yeah. That's exactly what it is. You have ambiguity. You have no ambiguity about wanting to be in a relationship. But then, in real-life situations, you have a lot of ambiguity about letting people in, dealing with these feelings, dealing with this situation. And the way that you cope is a really great way of coping. You talk about it. You think about it. You process it. You make a decision. Right. Good, except you do those things whilst missing this crucial part of sitting with your feelings and the discomfort and allowing yourself to be messy and to cry if you need to cry.

Sometimes we just cry like we sweat. You know what I mean? It's just like you cry because you cry. It's not always like, "Why am I crying?" You're crying because you have feelings. It can be like that. And having the Moon that you have, crying is good for you. It's really good for you.

Jared: Wow.

Jessica: Yeah. Fuck the gender police. It is just good for you to cry. You're somebody who gets⁠—okay. So the Moon/Mercury, Moon/Neptune, to a much lesser extent Moon/Uranus⁠—the aspects you have in your birth chart⁠—is like you pull in emotions and pull in emotions and pull in emotions. Sometimes it's about your personal relationships. Sometimes it's about this fucking world. Somebody looked at you sideways on the bus. It's not always that deep, and sometimes it is.

You do your feelings because your Moon is in Libra. You take everything personally. Even if you're like, "Someone looked sideways at me, and it meant nothing about me," you feel differently.

Jared: 100 percent.

Jessica: Yeah. So that means that you're holding it all, holding it all, holding it all. And if you don't release it, then what the fuck is going to happen to you? You become either very shut down all the time or have weird outbursts where you're like, "I didn't mean to say that to that person," or⁠—

Jared: Totally. Totally.

Jessica: Yeah. So, for you, you exercise every morning. Great. For people who have the ability to cry, why not have that be part of your practice, too? Like, crying, exercising⁠—it's just working things out, letting things out of your body. It's not like exorcising a demon, but it is releasing something that has nowhere to go if we don't tend to it.

There's one last thing I'm supposed to tell you here. There's two lessons I'm supposed to tell you.

Jared: Okay.

Jessica: I'll tell you the quick one first. You should be having safer sex.

Jared: (gasps) Oh my God. Drag me⁠—no. I know. I know. You're right. You're right.

Jessica: Yeah. I know. I shouldn't be laughing, but you just⁠—that was adorable. You have Neptune in the eighth house. Neptune in the eighth house⁠—oftentimes, people just do not want to use any kind of latex, do not want to⁠—and there's a reason. It's a boundary. Having safer sex is a boundary. And if we've already established that unless you're burning everything down to the ground, boundaries are not comfortable for you⁠—so safer sex. Okay.

Jared: Check. Period.

Jessica: Thank you. Thank you very much. Okay. So that was the quick thing, the bigger thing.

Jared: Okay.

Jessica: You can be plagued by the question why. "Why did they say that? Why didn't they say this? Why did I⁠—why, why, why, why?" It's very compelling to you. And this makes sense, right? You'll sometimes lose hours on why.

Jared: Oh yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. So I want to say sometimes finding out why is really important, and sometimes finding out why is a distraction from coping with what is. Within that, if you find yourself⁠—and you come up with a time. I would say, because I'm a pain in the ass, 20 minutes. But you might say two hours. Doesn't matter. Come up with a time where you're like, "I am allowed to obsess on why for a specific topic for x amount of time. And after that, I need to ask myself, can I accept that this is what is?" Just always insert that question. "Can I accept that x is what is right now? This person isn't available. Can I just accept that this person isn't available?" Doesn't matter why.

And if we spend all our time⁠—and science nerds will disagree with me about this, and I respect them so much. But if we spend all our time trying to figure out why the sky is blue, we may miss out on lying in the grass and staring up at the sky and enjoying it and being like, "Wow. It's blue. It's darker blue now. It's a lighter blue now. I can't see the blue now."

There's a way that in order to keep yourself safe, what you've developed as a coping mechanism is to figure it out. You'll figure it out. If you figure it out, then you're safe. If you understand it, then you can take care of yourself. And the truth is that's a great coping mechanism. We do not want you to get rid of that coping mechanism, but it's running your show. And because it's running your show, it's thwarting the development of your ability to accept and, from a place of acceptance, cope, like find a way to nurture yourself or to support yourself or your situation. Yeah.

So that's going to be the move. You figure out an amount of time⁠, and then you'll fail, and this is not a criticism of you. It's just no one would do this and not fail. And every time you catch yourself, you're just like, "Oh. Okay. Okay. I need to remember I've been 17 hours wondering why. I have to just ask myself, can I accept this now?" And just keep on bringing it back to, "Can I accept it?" and if the answer is no, saying, "Okay. I'm not going to accept it." That's fine. But you want to get to a place where you can be like, "Yes, I can accept this." And then it won't be that hard to figure out what to do next.

Jared: That was right on time. I feel like the back of my hair's⁠—I'm just like, "Oof." Yeah. So much of what you're saying feels like things that my body knows, but I'm waiting for my mind to catch up, or my body has just learned and I'm waiting for my mind to also compute it and file it where my body has filed it so we can be in tandem. When thinking about⁠—there's something really beautiful to me image-wise in an unaspected Venus. So I guess, to make sure I understand that clearly is⁠—because my Venus is unaspected, it means that I can sort of will things, depending on where I'm at emotionally?

Jessica: The Venus unaspected⁠—and honestly, we could spend three hours talking about your unaspected Venus if I'm just being frank. So I'm trying to give you a succinct truth. But having an unaspected Venus means your Venus is not in conversation with anything in your birth chart, really. That means that sometimes it's like, "Leave me alone. I speak to no one. I am intimate with no one. I want no closeness. Go away. I am an introvert. That is my full-time job." And then, other times, your Venus is like, "Relationships are literally the most important thing to me. All I care about is being close with others and creating harmony with others."

Jared: Yeah.

Jessica: Sometimes, you're like, "Beauty and art and creativity is my lifeblood. It is what I am. It is where I go. It is what I drink and eat." And other times, it's like, "Nothing's real. Nothing is beautiful. Everything's been done. I don't care." You can really go either/or. The way to create a bridge between those two parts of yourself or those two parts of your Venus is by having tolerance for disharmony. It's by cultivating the willingness and the ability to stay present when things get ugly, and that is hard for Venus, unaspected or aspected. And your Venus is in Sagittarius, so she likes adventure. She likes it to happen fast.

Jared: Yeah.

Jessica: That Venus of yours is just like, "I don't want to eat the same food every day. I want a buffet, a delightful buffet."

Jared: Yes. Totally.

Jessica: Yes. Yes. And so that restlessness is, in some ways, an asset. And in some ways, it's like an extra distraction from not being with disharmony because there's always something new. There's always someone new. There's always something different and better potentially there. There is a way that, again, you want to work with Venus to cope with Venus. So that's where I come back to values. Venus governs values.

So, if at the end of the day you do truly value intimacy, closeness, relationships, in whatever queerdo way you do, then having the ability to say, "I am investing in intimacy in my own way and my own pace, and some days that means I am alone. I'm not looking at my phone. Leave me out of it. And other days, it means I'm texting every literal person I know"⁠—you're allowed to be all the things. But it's about being able to be present for who and what you are and to be authentic around other people, with other people, even when it's not Q, even when it's not easy.

This, again, is why I talked about boundaries so much with you, the need for boundaries with yourself, and the need to be emotional, because even though Venus⁠—it's like Venus is not the Moon. It's not your feels. It's not your emotions. Venus is not Mercury. It's not your thoughts. It's not your attitudes and beliefs. Venus is sensation. In your chart, your Moon and your Mercury, your feelings and your thoughts, are constantly barking at each other. They're constantly working shit out together.

Venus⁠—your sense impressions, your feelings⁠—that is on its own. You're not going to analyze your way in. Instead, what you want to do is connect to the body as a way to access the feelings that you have. That'll work for you.

Jared: Totally.

Jessica: And it'll only work because you value it enough to work on it to make it work.

Jared: Wow.

Jessica: There's something really special about that. We could talk for three more hours about how this plays out in your matrilineage and how this plays out in⁠—are you an artist?

Jared: I am.

Jessica: Okay. Because I was going to say how this plays out in your art practice and how this plays out in your love life⁠—but again, the answer to all of these topics is the same. Tending to the bridge is like tending to your heart through your meat suit.

And there is your reading, my darling. I am so overjoyed that I got to give you this reading.

Jared: Appreciate you so much, and you just gave me some real things to think about.

Jessica: That makes me so happy.

All right. Let's get astrological. Before we do, I need to remind you of a couple things. The first one is that this month on Ghost of a Podcast, I am centering Black love, which means if you are Black, please send me your questions about anything related to anything⁠—no matter how loosely or tightly⁠—connected to the theme of love. And the way to send me your question is to go to my website at ghostofapodcast.com and use the contact form on my site, and just make sure to use the hashtag Black Love somewhere in your question.

Another quick announcement that I want to make is that there is a change coming to Ghost of a Podcast, so do make sure that you are subscribed wherever you listen to podcasts because on the 22nd of February, which is Wednesday, we're going to drop a reading. And then, on Sunday, the 25th, we're going to drop your horoscope. So, moving forward, every Wednesday you're going to get a reading, and every Sunday you're going to get the horoscope. And if you're somebody who just loves listening to the reading and the horoscope together, just ignore the Wednesday drop and listen to those two episodes back-to-back on Sunday. But if you prefer to listen to them separated, I've just made it that much easier. And I hope you enjoy it. I hope you like it. I'm sure you'll let me know.

Okay. Thank you very much for listening. I appreciate you. Now we're going to talk about the horoscope of February 12th through the 18th of 2023. And of course, this week is all about love because it's fucking Valentine's Day. So that means that love is in the air, maybe. But more likely, love is all over the internet. Everybody's talking about relationships, and it tends to bring up a lot of feelings for a lot of people.

So I just wanted take a quick minute to talk about love because love is messy, and it's complicated. And yes, love at first sight may exist, but love⁠—true love⁠—it endures. It works through the hardship. It changes over the course of time⁠, whether we're talking about familial love, platonic love, romantic love, self-love. When we love someone, when we love something like a group of people or the environment or animals, it doesn't always have to be at a ten. It doesn't always have to be perfect or easy.

But, that said, love is more than just a feeling. It's more than thoughts. It involves actions. We must engage with love. We must act from a place of love. And inevitably, that's going to be dramatic because we all struggle with self-love, at least at some point in our lives if not chronically. We all struggle with letting others love us or finding ways to express or experience love that are healthy and self-appropriate, that aren't too much or too little. Many of us will consciously or unconsciously prioritize things or symbols or attention over true intimacy and love. And I'm not here to judge it. But it is important when we think about love, when we evaluate the love that we do or don't have in our own lives and with our own selves, that we contemplate what love actually is.

How do you know what love feels like? What are the rules that you have in your mind about what love looks like and what it doesn't, how it feels and how it doesn't? Because it is not enough to just say, "I love you," and then show up late for all your dates and not be respectful for your partner's needs. It's not enough to say, "I care about people," but then when we see something like what's happened in Syria and Turkey, this just heartbreaking earthquake, to not find a way to act, to not find a way to engage, to act from a place of love.

It's important that we find ways of centering love in our lives, and not in some fairytale fantasy way, but in a way where we are treating ourselves, the people in our lives, and the world at-large with care and dignity because it's hard to be acting from a place of love when you're actively disrespecting someone or something else, when you are perpetrating harm or you are remaining silent and passive in the presence of others perpetrating harm.

So think about love this week, but not in the Hallmark card way. Do it in a real way. Get messy with it because love is messy. Love relationships are messy. They have highs and they have lows. They require fighting and fighting fair. They require good times and bad. And being healthy in this life requires that we are willing to figure out how to love ourselves, how to love ourselves through our challenges, and how to love ourselves through our high times, and of course to center love in our actions as a global participant. It's hard work acting from love in a sustained and real way, but it's good work. So just something to chew on.

Okay. Let's get astrological. We're looking at the astrology of February 12th through the 18th of 2023. I want to let you know that on the 19th, there will be a New Moon in Pisces at 11:06 p.m. So, depending on where you are, it actually may be happening on the 20th. But that is happening. We are going to cover that in next week's podcast, but it's certainly worth naming that it is coming. But let's stay in the present a little bit more.

Okay. On the 15th, we have an exact Venus conjunction to Neptune. It's exact specifically at 4:25 a.m. This transit is going to be felt deeply on Valentine's Day. And I don't know. This makes me uncomfortable a little bit. Let me tell you why. Venus conjunction to Neptune is a tricky transit. It can bring up a lot of romantic feelings. It can make you feel more compassionate or spiritual.

This is not a good time for consciousness-raising drugs. I wouldn't fuck with any recreational drugs that obscure or change your relationship to reality because this transit will already be doing that. And it would in any zodiac sign, but Venus and Neptune are both in Pisces, so in particular, this transit can just make you feel a little wonky. And if you're doing spiritual work, it can really facilitate being open and empathetic. You don't need a facilitator. Just try to tap into the energies on your own.

Now, if you're in a relationship, whether it's platonic or romantic, if you have any kind of love in your life, this can intensify your feelings, which is lovely. But if things are at all imperfect or if you're experiencing loneliness either in a relationship or single, this transit's kind of a bummer of news because what it does is it intensifies our risk of disappointment or hurt feelings because we have too idealistic expectations of how we're going to feel or what should be happening. Super bummer, right?

This transit can make you idealize people and situations, compare yourself to fantasies that you have of other people and how they're living or how they feel, how they do or don't feel about you, all that kind of stuff. It can be kind of a romantic nightmare because when we're placing people on pedestals or situations on pedestals, we're not accepting them as they are. We're not engaging with them authentically. We're not showing up as an equal. And that creates problems. And this transit tends to trigger all of that.

This transit can make you really preoccupied with love and intimacy and really wish that you had more of it or had better versions of it in your life. This is a terrible time for ignoring your boundaries. If you're going to have sex, have safer sex, my friends, I beg of you, because what this transit teaches us is about the power and impact of love⁠—perfectly timed for Valentine's Day. It's just a coincidence. I swear.

But the downside is love and devotion without reason, common sense, discernment, can get you into trouble and actually not be real love at all. Whenever we're dealing with Neptune transits, it is important that we think about our boundaries and that we hold our own boundaries as an act of self-love and to understand that how other people respond to our boundaries is a reflection on them. Now, that doesn't mean you're perfect just because you have a boundary. Maybe you did it weird. Maybe your boundary is funky. I don't know.

But we are all always revealing ourselves to others and to ourselves. And so it's important, if you can, to be like, "Okay. This is the information I have right now. This is what I know, and this is what I feel, and this is what I'm tapping into," and to hold all of this information lightly because we are not super reliable narrators of our own experience during a Venus conjunction to Neptune. The story can get real wonkadonk, for better or worse. Do your best to show up with empathy, kindness, boundaries, love, and care, but not at the expense of common sense and discretion, not at the expense of your own wellness.

It's important to remember that Venus governs our values, and Neptune governs our ideals. And so, whatever it is that is going on for you, pay attention to your values and don't let your ideals distract from them, because our values tend to be a little bit more grounded and attainable. And that's very important. Neptune's idealism can blur our boundaries and blur the clarity that we hold around what we value and how we hold that value⁠—again, whether that's around something within the self or in relationship to others. This can also be a time where we spend money in a ridiculous way because Neptune blurs the clarity that Venus has around what's worth spending on what item or what experience.

One more word about this Valentine's Day Venus/Neptune conjunction mishigas. Being in a relationship is not assurance that you are loved, that you are happy, or that you are safe. And being single is not an indication that you are not loved, that you are unhappy, or that you are not safe. Right? It is not enough to be in relationship to others. What we must ideally do or what is ideal for us to do is to be in healthy, happy relationship to others, which, as I said at the jump, is not always going to be the case in relationships.

It's really important that those problems help us to become healthier versions of ourselves instead of drag us down or back in our lives or in our development. So don't idealize being in a relationship or being single, because there's pros and cons of all of it. This stupid Valentine's Day thing can make a person feel really bad about being on their own. Centering love on Valentine's Day does not have to be interpersonal. It does not have to be romantic. And it's important that you don't allow the coinciding of this transit with that holiday to make you compare yourself to some fantasy of what other people's relationships are or what relationship you think you should be in. Find ways of loving yourself and your life here today.

Okay. Okay. That brings us to the next transit, which is happening on the 16th, and it's a total boner killer. (laughs) I'm sorry to laugh, but it is a total boner killer. It overlaps with the Venus conjunction to Neptune. I will contextualize that for you in a moment. This is the Sun conjunction to Saturn, and in Aquarius.

Sun conjunction to Saturn⁠—it is kind of depressing. Literally, Saturn governs compression, depression, and obligation, responsibility, hard work. And the Sun is vitality and the will and your central and solar energies. It's your sense of self. So Saturn really smooshes those, so you can see how it would murder so many boners of all kinds and natures.

This is not a sexy or romantic transit. Longtime listeners of the podcast will remember Neptune governs anxiety; Saturn governs depression. So having these two conjunctions to these two outer planets may make us feel kind of anxiously depressive or depressively anxious. Fun. What this transit can have you feeling is down⁠—heavy and down. You may be holding yourself or others to too high a standard. You may be looking for perfection or looking for things to just be completely tidy when that's simply not realistic.

This transit often coincides with needing to deal with things. It also tends to coincide with feeling Saturnian stiffness, this kind of rigidity within the self. If you have been sad, if you are unhappy, these transits⁠—but especially the Sun conjunction to Saturn⁠—it's going to bring it up. It's not going to create it; it's just going to bring it up. And as much as that sucks⁠—and it does suck⁠—if you feel bad, when it comes up, you can deal with it. And that's what it's all about, right? Dealing with it. So that's the shit side of this transit.

Now, the positive side of this transit is that it can coincide with a sense of focus and discipline, a sense of clarity about what you want to do and how you want to do it. And you may have a sense of "I am ready to giddyap and get going." That's the positive side of this transit. Some people, especially if this hits your chart directly, will experience achievement or some sort of getting kudos for a job well done. When things go your way or go well during any kind of transit that's involving Saturn, you know you worked for it. So pat yourself on the back if you can.

The issue with the Sun conjunction to Saturn is that everything takes work. Everything is a responsibility, ultimately. And how you engage with the things that are important to you, the commitments that you make, etc., has a lot to do with how you feel when transits like this occur. And so, in the context of relationships⁠—because it's fucking Valentine's Day⁠—a lot of people are likely to be having serious relationship hiccups in this moment because the reality is coming up. And so much of what relationships are really about is coming to some form of agreement. "This works. Let's do this. This doesn't work. Let's not do that"⁠—working on things with yourself, with others, so that you can mobilize together to have whatever outcomes you've decided are best.

And reality is that most of us don't do that most of the time. So, therefore, the Sun conjunction to Saturn, again, may murder some boners. Here's what you do. Every time you feel any kind of guilt on and around this date, try to see what you can take responsibility for, what you can be humble about, instead of feeling guilty about it, because the thing about guilt is it can often be a self-obsession that distracts you from accountability. So this is a great transit for being accountable.

It's also a great transit for conserving your energies for the things that actually matter to you, the things that need to get done, whether it's showing up for a conversation, following up with your word, whatever it is. This is an important transit for doing that. And if you feel low, if you feel down, I want to say honor that. The needs of your body are really important, and how you engage with and care for your body is really foundational to how you can show up in the rest of your life. So, if you can, really center self-love in regards to how you tend to that sweet, sweet meat suit that you're living in. It's your charge. Like it, love it, hate it, whatever, it's your responsibility. Sun conjunct Saturn.

Now, I guess the last thing I'll say about this transit is it's actually really good for organizing things. Venus conjunction to Neptune⁠—fucking terrible for organizing things. So, depending on how these transits hit your chart, you may be feeling more of one of these transits or the other. You may be feeling them both a lot. But I will say, by the 17th, it is a great time for organizing. If you've got shit that needs doing, schedule it for the 17th, 18th, because those are some good dates for it.

And that brings us to the next exact transit I want to tell you about, which is the Mercury sextile to Jupiter exact on the 17th. So, again, there's this overlap with the Sun conjunction to Saturn. And Mercury sextile to Jupiter is lovely. Mercury is the details, and Jupiter is the big picture. And a sextile is a dynamic burst of energy. And so we can make plans. We can look at the mess that is our bedroom and be like, "Okay. I'm going to move these things around. I'm going to tidy this up. Bada-bing, bada-boom."

This can be a transit where we communicate, where we say what needs to be said, where we really listen to what other people are saying, because as you know, Mercury is not just what you say. It's how you listen. Mercury is not just sending emails. It's reading those emails that you get in response. So Mercury sextile to Jupiter makes all of this stuff work well. If there are kind of stressful or tender conversations that need to be had, this transit is great for having those conversations. Avoid them on the 14th and 15th, please. Please, I tell you⁠—the 16th is a bad day for it as well. But once we hit the 17th, things get a little better. So, if you gotta process, don't do it before the 17th this week.

Mercury sextile to Jupiter is great for making plans. It's great for hanging out with friends. It's great for learning something new. There is no downside to this lovely, lovely transit. And Mercury is at nine degrees of Aquarius. Jupiter is at nine degrees of Aries. So, if you have anything around those points in your birth chart, this will be great for you even if it's a hard aspect, because it is a lovely, lovely transit.

The great thing about having such a nice, creative, dynamic transit on the heels of these more challenging transits to Neptune and Saturn is that it kind of lets us know that even if things are real bumpy earlier in the week, that there's going to be support there. There's going to be something shifting that allows us to cope more easily, that it just kind of opens the windows and lets some fresh air in. So, if you're having a particularly rough week, remember that by the 17th, this transit is exact, and it's going to be overlapping with that Sun/Saturn conjunction all the way through. So we have the opportunity to tap into those energies, to see things from a bigger picture, to be broad-minded in our approach, to be a bit more gregarious, a bit more open and generous with ourselves and others.

So sometimes it's just helpful to have it in your mind that this energy is there. It makes it easier to recognize it when it passes through you. And a lot of times, when we're feeling these kind of⁠—what they call easy transits, sextiles and trines⁠⁠—it happens and we don't even pay attention to it because it doesn't demand our attention. So you're walking down the street and you notice that the sun feels good on your face or you⁠—I don't know⁠—you're working, and a couple hours pass, and you realize there's been no problems; nothing's gone wrong. Try to take a moment to appreciate that, to take it in, because it really can change how you feel and empower you to cope with the more challenging stuff as it exists.

Okay. And that brings me to the last exact transit that I want to name, and that is, on the 18th, it becomes Pisces Season. Welcome, Pisces. So I want to take a moment to acknowledge here we are at the beginning of a new year⁠—still, right? We're middle of February. And the year starts with Capricorn Season every year. And in Capricorn Season, we are dealing with family matters. We're dealing with responsibilities to both close out the old year and to step with intention into the new year.

And then we move into heady Aquarius Season, where things get really busy and we are often thinking about the future and moving forward really fast. And now we shift into Pisces, which is the last zodiac sign of them all. It's number 12. And Pisces Season is a time for tapping into really feeling into our sense impressions, our spirituality, to noticing what's happening within us. And so much of that Capricorn and Aquarius Season is about thinking about the future, making plans, falling through, dealing with people.

But Pisces Season⁠—Pisces Season is a time where we can really prioritize how we feel and what we need more spiritually. And when I say spiritually, for some people, that means very woo or religious, but for many other people, it means in that space between our psychology and our emotions, that space that is private and within us. So, this Pisces Season, take a moment to really tap in and to notice how you feel and how you've been feeling this new year.

This is especially important because in this Pisces Season⁠—in fact, on the 7th of March⁠—Saturn moves into Pisces. So I want to just really encourage you on the 18th, as we enter into Pisces Season, to enjoy the first half of the season. Really tap into it and feel into it and enjoy it because things are going to get a little bit heavier when Saturn enters into the sign. So just put that in your scent diffuser and gently diffuse it, as it were.

Okay. And that, my friends, is your damn horoscope. I'm going to run through the transits one more time for you. On the 15th, we have an exact conjunction between Venus and Neptune. On the 16th, we have an exact conjunction between the Sun and Saturn. On the 17th, Mercury is exactly sextile to Jupiter. And then, on the 18th, it is Pisces Season. Welcome and rejoice. And that's it. That's your damn horoscope.

I hope you take really good care of yourself and others this week. And as always, if you'd like to learn more with me and get more woo, join me over on Patreon, where, actually, we're getting into the Nodes, which I'm very excited about. Anyways, you can join me over on Patreon, take classes with me, and grab my book, Astrology for Real Relationships: Understanding You, Me, and How We All Get Along.

All right. That's it. Talk to you next week. Buh-bye.