Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

Jessica: Billie, welcome to Ghost. Tell me what your question is.

Billie: Hi, Jessica. Thank you for having me. The question is I'm in love with a man who owns firearms and is in the process of starting a small business that would include certifying and training others with firearms. This is completely at odds with my belief system, and I feel kind of ashamed that I'm prioritizing my love for him over my personal beliefs. I'd also like to mention that I'm recently divorced and that my ex was federal law enforcement. So I guess the overarching question is that I struggle with trusting my judgment around matters of the heart.

Jessica: Okay. I should share your birth date: March 2nd, 1976, 3:15 a.m., Washington, D.C., correct?

Billie: Yes.

Jessica: I mean, you're a Pisces. You're a Pisces with a Neptune square to your Sun and a Pisces Moon. You are like a pacifist, eh?

Billie: I am a go along to get along, get along [crosstalk]⁠—

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. And how long were you with your ex-husband?

Billie: Close to 20 years.

Jessica: A long time.

Billie: A long time.

Jessica: A lifetime. Your question⁠⁠—is it about the new relationship? Is it about men in general? I'm assuming men. You didn't actually use genders.

Billie: I would say that it's about men in general, just trusting myself, trusting my judgment, I think. My marriage did leave me kind of gutted. I felt very hopeful and excited having fallen in love so quickly, and I also question that. Even though I feel very much in love and it feels good, I was reluctant even asking the question about this relationship. The big question is trusting myself.

Jessica: Okay. Okay.

Billie: Trusting my judgment.

Jessica: So romantic. OMG. I mean, you're just like, "If I think a critical thought, is that a betrayal of the trust that is love?" Right? Yeah. Okay. That's what you were stumbling on just now.

Billie: [crosstalk] embarrassed about it.

Jessica: Yes. Well, sure you're embarrassed about it, because you have Venus and Mercury in Aquarius, and you've got Saturn as the focal planet of a T-square in your seventh house. So, while you are hyper-sentimental, so romantic, you're just like, "If I think a critical thought, that means I'm betraying the bond that is love." You are also very critical. You are also very comfortable being like, "I disagree with this. This is not how I prefer to be." You're not either/or; you're and/also with this. And that is hard because when it comes to assessing what's healthy and safe for you and your heart, you've got to bring all your parts together, and as you've probably noticed because you're a grown-up, all your parts do not like to come together on this topic.

Billie: They do not.

Jessica: They do not. They very much do not. So I have to ask, was your ex violent, physically violent, at all?

Billie: He was emotionally and verbally abusive.

Jessica: Yeah. I'm sorry.

Billie: And I've had a hard time even saying that out loud. I'll also be forthright and say that that relationship also brought out a certain level of volatility in me.

Jessica: Of course.

Billie: And I would like to believe that I'm rainbows, sunshine, and fairy dust and all things love and peace. And that relationship⁠—there was parts of me that it pulled on that I was not proud of.

Jessica: Yeah. And how long ago was it, like in the last year you got out of this with him?

Billie: 2020 started the real unraveling. There were things throughout, but 2020 was when things just really hit a⁠—which I don't know in terms of Saturn in Aquarius if that⁠—could that bring me [crosstalk]⁠—

Jessica: Pluto was squaring your Jupiter, and it looks like what happened is you had enough and you couldn't be quiet about having enough. And so you started advocating for yourself, which inevitably meant fighting because when you advocated for yourself, it looks like he got worse. So maybe you would say that you aren't proud about the way you fought back, but I just want to check and see, does that make sense with your experience?

Billie: It's dead on, in a way. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. So let me give you a metaphor that may work for you. If you live in somebody else's house and it's really dirty⁠—it's messy and dirty; maybe it's too much stuff everywhere, and it's just⁠—there's no clean place to put anything. At a certain point, either you go, "I am doing this against your will. I am fixing this," or you participate in the mess. And in order to stay in the relationship, you participated in the mess. How else could you stay in the relationship?

And then Pluto started to square your Jupiter, and this happened just before 2020. Then, through that period, you were just like, "No. We're cleaning this up one way or another. This is going to change." That wasn't the agreement the two of you had. The agreement the two of you had was that he would be aggressive, and you would be passive. He would push; you would yield. And that needed to be done. It needs to be done for you. I want to just first acknowledge that. And is he out of your life?

Billie: We are coparenting, but he's out of my life. Yes. And that's been disorienting, I would say, initially. I think any relationship when you're really connected, but certainly almost 20 years⁠—it was like family. And so to go from, "I can't even be friends"⁠—we're cordial in a way that's very like, "Let's keep safe"⁠—well, for me, safe boundaries and be very thoughtful about how my interactions are, but there's no friends.

Jessica: The sunshine and rainbows part of you is like, "We should be able to be family. We should be able to be friends." But I will say, because I am no sunshine and rainbows, that⁠—you've met me. I will say the friendship is what didn't work. He couldn't be a good, consistent friend. The two of you couldn't agree on was the right tone of voice with which to say, "Please move this." That was the problem in your relationship, and that was the problem that kind of birthed these other problems that got progressively worse with time.

Billie: Yeah.

Jessica: And so you can't be friends with him⁠—not now, anyways. I mean, maybe he gets a good therapist. Maybe time changes things. But I think it's really healthy for you. And this is where we come back to there's this part of you that feels like "Boundaries = I'm being mean to you. If I'm taking care of myself and pulling myself back"⁠—there's this part of you that's like, "That means I'm taking something out of your hands. I'm taking something from you." I want to just acknowledge that, because I think cognitively you don't agree with that, but it's what comes up emotionally.

Billie: I feel almost like the reverse. I feel like cognitively, I get that. I get the understanding of having boundaries or because certain things have transpired, or even in the midst of moments where I knew very clearly, I still empathically⁠—or my sensitivities would want to⁠—the benefit of the doubt or be forgiving or want to seek connection and wanting things to be okay, wanting to smooth out the edges, and so ignoring what I knew.

Jessica: Yeah. I know we're not going to focus on the ex, but I do want to congratulate you for getting out of that marriage. It's no small thing to get out of any long-term relationship, but 20 years⁠—oh my God. That's almost your whole adult life, right? And now I do want to take a peek at this guy if that's okay⁠—

Billie: Yeah.

Jessica: ⁠—because I will preface this by saying you are going through so many transits right now. Oh my God, so many transits right now. And within that, you are going through a couple Neptune transits and a Pluto transit. And the Neptune transits⁠—one of them is almost done; the other one has just begun. As a general statement, I am always, when I see these kinds of transits, of the mind to say to someone, "Okay. Any relationship you get into now, you need to be careful that you don't idealize them or the dynamic and that you have good boundaries," which I know kind of sounds like bad news to you or like⁠—

Billie: It does.

Jessica: You're like, "That's terrible."

Billie: Those are all the things that I struggle with, so I'm like…

Jessica: Yes. You're like, "That's literally my whole life."

Billie: That's my life.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. It is a tricky thing. And you reached out because you're like, "Well, there's this thing of guns." So, obviously, he's pro-guns; you are not. Okay. Cool. But ideologically, is he like, "I think January 6th was a great exercise of free will," and you're like, "That was an insurgency"? Do you have ideological differences like that, or is it really just about the guns?

Billie: It's really just about the guns.

Jessica: What's his shtick with the guns?

Billie: So you just raised January 6th. He also has people, young people, that he wants to feel like he needs to protect, or has felt like he needed to protect. There's also⁠—he brings it very much of something that's fun and almost like a game.

Jessica: I mean, sure.

Billie: Something fun to do, recreational.

Jessica: But he's training people how to shoot guns, right?

Billie: He's in the process of starting a small business around being able to certify and train. It is couched in wanting people to be safe and thoughtful about it as well as a source of revenue added, another stream.

Jessica: Sure.

Billie: Yeah. We've had frank discussions about it.

Jessica: Is he targeting any demographic of people?

Billie: Yeah. Even that⁠—I think his⁠—I mean, I think of him as somewhat of a feminist or⁠—I mean, he's definitely a man's man and definitely, his people⁠—our daughters⁠— he's talked about even training women how to use firearms, even people within the Black community, because he is Black American. There are these things that make it a little bit more palatable. It's still⁠—for me, it's like the purpose of guns are to kill.

Jessica: Yes.

Billie: There's no [indiscernible 00:10:13] that. I don't see that in a play⁠—but then I'm also very serious⁠. I have a tendency to take things with a lot of gravity, the energy connected to even having guns.

Jessica: I mean, I'm inclined to be on your side on this topic myself. I mean, it's not like I haven't learned how to shoot a gun, because I have. But I did it for the energy. I want to say a couple things here. The first thing is, in this conversation as we're talking about this⁠—and to be fair, you have every right to be scared I'm going to say something negative because you've heard me speak before, and I don't tend to mince words, right? But as I'm asking you questions, you are having a hard time answering them without prioritizing protecting my opinion of him.

Billie: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. I want to just acknowledge that, because we're really talking about you. I mean, we're definitely talking about him; don't get me wrong. But we're really talking about you. And so, straight out the gate, your kind of inescapable drive to protect him, it puts you in a vulnerable position.

Billie: Completely. And I don't know how much of that is my nature, which⁠—my chart dictates that⁠—how much of that is also as a Black woman or a woman in general, like protect the man. But also, I think there is a certain theme within the Black culture. I mean, I think that was a struggle even in terms of leaving my marriage. Black men have experienced so much in this country, and being their cheerleader, being by their side, giving grace even when that isn't necessarily reciprocated⁠—and so that is so much part of⁠—I know I have that leaning.

Jessica: I mean, it's hard to separate your astrological nature from your lived experience. What you're talking about is very real, and it's very real for you. It is part of your values and how you are inclined to care and how you were raised, I imagine. And also, you're a double Pisces. You've got Neptune squaring your Sun from the twelfth house. You have Saturn in Cancer in the seventh house. It is really hard for you to have any kind of relationships⁠—not just with men, not just with men you're romantic with⁠—where you're not thinking, "How can I protect them? How can I take care of them? How can I show them that I care?"

And you do that at the expense of, "Am I getting my needs met? Am I comfortable?" And this is not just with men. There's parts of this that are your values and culture, and that doesn't need to change. And then there's parts of this that are how you are and how you like being, and that doesn't need to change. And then there's parts of this that are habit and that minimize you and give you less space in your own life and in your own relationships. And that's the part that we would want to acknowledge and work towards creating change around because there are so many different levels on which we do any one thing.

And so I don't want to be like, "Oh, all of this is bad." It's not. Being a nurturing, supportive, loving, loyal person⁠—yes. Gold star. Yes. And also, we started to have this conversation as I asked you to describe something about your current partner, and you had a really hard time not protecting him in your description of him and centering your own thoughts and your own feelings in your description of your own relationship to me, your hippy-dippy astrologer.

Billie: Yeah.

Jessica: So that's where you can see there's something that's unconscious that is minimizing you. First piece of advice of the reading is practice, if you can, noticing when you're doing it and rate it on a scale from 1 to 10. Like what you did right there⁠, I know what I would give it, but on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being completely obliterating yourself, 1 being like, "I barely did it at all," what number would you give that description moment?

Billie: I would say that's a 5.

Jessica: Great. I was thinking 6, so we're right on the same page. We're on the same exact page.

Billie: Okay.

Jessica: Yeah. You were doing it. And so tracking it, giving it a number, will do a couple things. One is it'll help you to see how frequently you do it. Second of all, whenever we number things, we're separating them from ourselves. It's like, "This is an action that I did on a scale from 1 to 10," not, "This is me." And so I want to encourage you to do this not just with him but with all the people in your life⁠—with your coworkers. I don't think you need to do it with your kid because it's complicated and different with a dependent, but with all adults that are meant to be on equal footing with you, do it with them. It will tell you a lot about yourself, and I think that's valuable information.

Now, I want to ask you another question about this man, which is have you fought yet?

Billie: What do you call fighting?

Jessica: Then I'm going to take that as a yes, just FYI. That's a yes.

Billie: We have not fought, because I think of, I guess, fighting as an argument of going back and forth.

Jessica: Okay.

Billie: He is also, despite the firearms, an avoidant and almost a pacifist as well. So I have found, so far in the relationship, I have been the one who's been most vocal about my wants or needs, or if something is uncomfortable with something, I have been the one that's been more vocal.

Jessica: Okay. That's cool. But he hasn't had a back-and-forth with you?

Billie: So he hasn't expressed any frustration with me. I have noted when he's been upset and he has withdrawn, but not in a "I'm not speaking to you"⁠—just as an aside of taking space, but then come back, and he doesn't seem to hold on to anger, or he doesn't⁠—

Jessica: Let me look at him. Okay. Wait a sec. Let me interrupt you, and let me look at⁠—

Billie: Maybe I'm⁠—

Jessica: You're in year one, right? You're in year one of this relationship.

Billie: Yes. Year one.

Jessica: Okay. Will you say his full name out loud? We're going to beep out his whole entire name.

Billie: His name is [redacted]. I call him [redacted].

Jessica: Oh. That's cute. What does he do? What's his full-time gig?

Billie: He's an electrician. He's an electrical engineer.

Jessica: And do you live together?

Billie: No. No.

Jessica: Okay. But you spend time at each other's place, eh?

Billie: I have not spent time at his place. He has spent time at my place.

Jessica: What's going on with his place?

Billie: He has children that are there, and he hasn't opened that up to me yet.

Jessica: Interesting. Okay. Are they little?

Billie: They are not. They are teen and very young adult.

Jessica: But he doesn't live with his ex?

Billie: No.

Jessica: Okay. What is it? Tell me.

Billie: I have a sense that she definitely accesses or⁠—I don't know if⁠—

Jessica: She's in the mix. She's in the mix.

Billie: She's in the mix. She's in the mix. Not even have a sense⁠—he is forthright that she's in the…

Jessica: How long has it been, the two of you?

Billie: We are a little over a year, so October '21.

Jessica: Okay. So you're a little bit over a year. Okay. And does it bother you that you haven't met the kids yet?

Billie: Initially, it did.

Jessica: Yeah.

Billie: After a few months⁠—because I am very open, and he has met my dear ones.

Jessica: What's his reason? He just says, "I'm not ready"?

Billie: He has said he's concerned about their sensitivities.

Jessica: Okay. And he's definitely separated? He's definitely not in a relationship with their mom?

Billie: Definitely not in a relationship with their mom. Definitely divorced.

Jessica: Okay. You've been inside the house, or you haven't even seen the inside of his house?

Billie: I have not been inside.

Jessica: Okay. You're not going to like the⁠—

Billie: Oh, this is making [crosstalk].

Jessica: I know.

Billie: I'm covering my face because I just…

Jessica: I'm so sorry. It's terrible. But okay. So good. This is actually really good.

Billie: No, this is good. It's good to⁠—yeah.

Jessica: It's hard for you to not want to protect him and protect your choices, right? Because there's something about scrutiny⁠—which is inevitably what's happening here; we are putting some scrutiny on a thing⁠—that is the antithesis of romance. It's the antithesis of just being in love and trusting the love.

Billie: Yes.

Jessica: So I'm really sorry. I commend you for doing this with me because when you ask about your own decision-making around relationships, this is a really big deal because not seeing the inside of his home for a year is weird. And I am a fan of weird, but this is not the weird I'm a fan of. Not having spent the night⁠—I think there's an argument, you know. But he hasn't had you see his house? Does that not feel weird to you, or are you just grateful that he's coming to your house all the damn time?

Billie: There have been other things that I feel like have been sources of that he's let me in. Here, I'm trying to also receive that it's unusual and it's [crosstalk]⁠—

Jessica: It's unusual.

Billie: And I've never experienced anything like this in any other previous relationship. And I also know that this is the first time dating as a grown-up grown-up and not as a 20-something-year-old and having, also, the responsibilities of having children and the delicacies around that.

Jessica: But these kids cannot be there all the time. A teenager and somebody in their early 20s, they've got to be out of the house a lot. Is he giving you a reason, or have you just kind of not pressed?

Billie: Yeah. I haven't pressed. I haven't pressed.

Jessica: So this is the part that I'm going to focus on, the⁠—you not pressing. And I'm going to give you another slightly ridiculous metaphor. Let's say you paid for a prefixed meal. You pay for a prefixed meal, and you know it comes with bread, a different kind of bread with every course. Do you need the bread? Probably not. But do you deserve the bread because you paid for the meal? Yes. Is it rude to ask the person who's serving you to please bring you the bread? No, it is not, even if they're busy and they wish you didn't ask. In that situation, would you ask for the bread?

Billie: Probably not.

Jessica: Okay. Excellent. Then I chose a good metaphor.

Billie: But I wouldn't ask for two reasons. So this is, first of all⁠—the part about not wanting to ruffle feathers⁠, wouldn't ask. So there's that. But the other part is that I'm like, "Okay, I don't really need that right now. And so, for whatever reason, it wasn't for me, so I'll just"⁠—you know? If I did really want it, like if they didn't give me water, I'd be like, "I need my water, so I'm going to go ahead and⁠—because I really need that."

But then, if I ask for the water⁠—well, the water maybe isn't good because I really need the water. But if it's something that is kind of secondary, like I needed a napkin and I asked them and then they didn't bring it, I would have a hard time continuing to, like, "I need it. I need it." If I've asked twice, I'll kind of just, "Okay. I'm going to go find⁠—does somebody else⁠—let me run to the bathroom, and I'll grab…"

Jessica: Right. Okay. Okay.

Billie: I'll make my own way. So I don't know if that was helpful with this whole⁠—

Jessica: It is. It's tricky because on the one hand, what you're saying is you're self-reliant. Yay, right? And again, we're not going to mess with that. That's good. Part of what you're saying is you trust the Universe. "Maybe it just wasn't for me." And that's where we get into trouble because in this situation, your boyfriend's not the fucking Universe, if you pardon my French. He is but a man, just like you are but a woman. Or in this metaphor, which is easier to talk about, the waiter is not the Universe. I mean, we can hold it that way, and again, I don't want to mess with your worldview, because you're a double Pisces, which I respect. You do have a Capricorn Rising and Saturn in the seventh house, so you don't⁠—

Billie: Keeps me a little grounded.

Jessica: It does. It does. And you don't 700 percent disagree with me. It's tricky because being able and willing to derive meaning from even the things that aren't working well for you is beautiful and healthy, and you never want to lose that. And telling yourself that that's what you're doing when what you're really doing is avoiding conflict or asserting yourself⁠—that's where you get into Trouble Town, right? And so I imagine, in your marriage, you saw that play out a lot. You would be like, "Well, fuck. I just won't ask for the bread." And then, after a while, it was, "I won't ask for the water because I know I'm not going to get it anyways. I'll go get myself the water. I'll go get myself a napkin." Over time, it really has a corrosive impact on your self-esteem, your sense of self, and the relationship.

Billie: Completely.

Jessica: Your patterns are unchanged with this guy, this current guy. Did you use the L-word? I feel like you said you love him. Did you say that, or did I just infer that?

Billie: No, I do. I love him.

Jessica: Yeah. And has he used the L-word with you as well?

Billie: He has used the L-word with me, but I'm definitely more of the emotive⁠—

Jessica: That's your type. I mean, I feel like you go for guys that are a little withheld and a little stoic anyways, so that doesn't concern me. But he's used the L-word. You guys are in love. I mean, it looks like it when I look at it energetically. You're in love. That's not the question. The question is are you unintentionally re-creating the same dynamic with a different guy? Not that he's the same guy as your ex-husband, but if you spend ten years in a friendship and every time you get on the phone with your friend, you say to her, "Hey. How are you? Tell me all about yourself," in the 11th year, she's not going to get on the phone with you and ask you how you're doing. You have trained her to never lead with interest in you.

Again, I'm trying to use these metaphors or examples because they're easier than talking about the man, because I don't want to poke holes in the balloon that is still rising of love. That said, I'm going to be really annoying. Here's how you break the pattern. You say to him, "Hey. Can you explain to me why you haven't invited me into your home? I'm really curious, and I don't want to draw inaccurate assumptions." Would you do that?

Billie: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. Because you are a curious person, and it is odd, unless there's something you're not telling me about the kids. The kids must leave the house. There must be hours of the day⁠—

Billie: I mean, definitely, one goes to school. The other is currently there. I think the other thing is I do respect that he's very protective over them, and even that⁠—not necessarily protective over that previous relationship, but that there is a certain amount of⁠—there's a regard that they were together, also, for so many years.

Jessica: Yeah. When did they break up?

Billie: Six months ahead of⁠—so we're both⁠—

Jessica: So it's very fresh for them. Okay. You both know how to be married; you don't know how to date. I respect you. Again, this is a problem when people who are adults⁠—we will call us⁠—who start dating. It's just like we only know how to do what we've done. If you've got 30 years' adult experience of doing something, it's hard to be like, "Yeah, I'm going to be totally different now." So I respect that. But if you were telling me this exact same stuff at six months, I would not be pushing. I would not be pushing. At nine months, I'd be questioning. A year, year and three months, four months, okay, now it's odd because you're close enough that either he's lying to his family or he's lying to you. And I don't mean, "Oh, he's a cheater." I'm not saying that.

There is a way that we lie to ourselves and then, by extension, to others. I think there's something really important about you saying, "I have faith in the place I hold in your heart, but not in the place that I hold in your life, because you could invite me over to pick up something that I lent you, just so that I can be in your home and see how you live, and that would be an investment in our relationship." And maybe you wouldn't be quite as direct as I'm being right now. I would be so much more direct than that, if it makes you feel any better. I would be like, "Let me in your fucking house immediately. What the fuck?"

You can say, "It would mean a lot to me to just see how you live. Like what color did you paint your kitchen?" To call that a reasonable request after a year of being in a relationship is such a massive understatement. Like, it's a massive understatement. If, after we get off this call and you sit with it, you're like, "I just don't think I can do that," then I want to say, okay, that's your pattern of not asking for that glass of water even though you're thirsty. Sure, it's about the house, but it's not really about the house, is it?

It's about making sure that you are building an infrastructure with this man so that if you want to put a second story on this house, you can. Right now, it's a little unclear what you're building outside of a romance. When I looked at your chart, you do not only want a romance. You want a monogamous, committed, best-friend life partner.

Billie: Yeah, [indiscernible 00:26:23].

Jessica: It could be this guy, but I think you need to push him to show up a little bit more⁠. And not that he needs to invite you over for Friday night dinners with the kids. That's not what I'm recommending. But there is a really big difference between not spending time at your partner's house and never having seen it. When I read your question, I was like, "Your ex is a cop. Your current wants to train people on how to shoot guns." You don't even know how he keeps his guns in his house. That is a concern for me. Have you asked him?

Billie: Yeah. He's talked about keeping them locked up. He doesn't carry them. He's not a guy who walks around open carry, because I talked about the concern where my ex would leave his firearm in places that made me uncomfortable, and that conversation.

Jessica: Good. Okay. So he says he keeps them in appropriate, locked places.

Billie: In appropriate, locked-up places.

Jessica: Great. You need to see it to know it, first of all. And that's not a disrespect of your love for him. That's just grown-up stuff. I can't tell you how many times my partner has told me something, and I'm like, "Okay. Let me see," and then it's not the damn thing. And it's not because he's a terrible person or he's a liar. It's because people sometimes will get away with what they can. And you deserve to see. So that's first of all.

But what I was really thinking about is⁠—how? Why? I'm staring at your chart, just being like, "Why these two men?" It's not that they're violent, per se, but that they are really drawn towards guns, which is inherently violent; is it not? I mean, I think a lot of people would disagree with that, so I want to acknowledge that. And these guys may disagree with that. But I found some things in your chart, and I want to just acknowledge them first and foremost because you refer to yourself as⁠—did you use the word "sparkly," or did I do that?

Billie: Yeah, like rainbows.

Jessica: Rainbows. Lollipops. Yeah. Yeah.

Billie: [crosstalk], hearts.

Jessica: You identify with those parts of yourself that are very Piscean and Neptunian, which are traditionally cool for women to be. But you've got Saturn in the seventh house, which can be very rigid, very firm, and very withholding⁠—a little bit punishing at times. This makes sense with your early developmental experiences, I imagine, yeah?

Billie: My mom is definitely more of a⁠—she is not a warm and fuzzy. She's there, and my dad was definitely more the warm, the fuzzy, the nurturing, kind of, and my mom was the more stoic.

Jessica: Yeah. And her acts of love are literally acts. They're not gushy. They're like acts. Right.

Billie: They're acts.

Jessica: So Saturn in Cancer part of the Generation X, it's tricky because it's a weird time in feminism and in women's rights. It was a really sticky, bumpy moment, right? And you saw that, and you were like, "I am not going to be that way," even though I will tell you I see it in your chart. And so what happens when we have these parts of ourselves that we do not identify with consciously or unconsciously is we attract them in the projected form. That's what it's called in astrology, the projected form. And so you can find yourself with besties or men that you're partnered with who are not always demonstrative in the emo, tender way you would ideally prefer. They show up, technically speaking. They do the things. But they're not leading with, "I want you to feel good." They're leading with, "I want you to be safe. I want things to be okay."

Here's the other thing that I think you're projecting out, which is you have a Moon/Mars square in your birth chart. And Mars governs firearms, actually, and violence and military and policing and all this kind of stuff, interestingly. But this Moon/Mars square is something in your chart that says that you are irritable, that you get angry, that people bug you. Is this true or not true?

Billie: Yes. And I've always thought it was just maybe that I just feel all of it. And sometimes I just want to not feel at all. And so that lends it to irritability or just being overloaded. And then that's⁠—

Jessica: Yeah. It's both. Yeah. You're a double Pisces. You get overloaded with everything. You feel too much. And also, people are annoying. The people you love the most in this world are annoying. I'm annoying. You're annoying. Everyone's annoying. And I know that this is hard on a Pisces. I don't want to hurt your feelings by saying this because I don't mean it in a mean way. It's more just that you get annoyed because people and situations are annoying. And so much of your nature is like, "If I feel agitated by the way this man I'm in love with does this one stupid thing, it's going to mess with my life. And so I'm going to pretend I don't feel it. I'm going to shove it down because I don't want this one stupid thing that I actually don't care about to be like rust in my car."

Billie: I agree with that sentiment in terms of I do feel like when I get turned off, I get turned off.

Jessica: It's done.

Billie: And so I just am like, "Don't turn me off. Please, let me not"⁠—even for myself, I'm like, "Don't allow this to turn you off," or even to just see people in a different light. Once people show certain things, it's hard for me not to not see it. So it's I'd rather not see it because, once I see it, it's hard for me then to⁠—

Jessica: Then you have to deal with it.

Billie: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: You don't want to have to deal with it. This Moon/Mars square is one of the aspects that I see people projecting out a lot. I think it's especially hard for straight women, if I can speak generally, because there's not a lot of permission culturally speaking, and often in intimate relationships, for you to be like, "I need you to fuck off right now," and then you just move on. He hears it. He fucks off. I know you wouldn't speak this way. I'm sorry. I feel like it's like barbed wire on you. I should have said it better.

But for you to be able to say, "I need you to buzz off," and for him to actually be like, "Okay. I'll buzz off. I'll leave her alone," and then he comes back, and everything's fine because it was just a moment⁠—you're not comfortable with this, and so what you end up doing is becoming attracted to men who embody that for you⁠—not that they're telling you to buzz off, but the men that you tend to fall for⁠—so your ex and this one⁠—if they don't want to be in the room, they'll leave the room.

Billie: Yeah. They will. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. They embody this part of your chart, even if you don't like that part of these men, because you probably don't.

Billie: It makes me anxious, yeah, when they⁠—yeah.

Jessica: Of course it does, partially because they don't do it with words. They just physically remove themselves, which is punishing. It's a form of controlling the dynamic, and it's not collaborative. It's of them just doing whatever the hell they want. It's not a good dynamic. But from my perspective as an astrologer⁠—this is not a therapist's perspective, obviously, but as an astrologer⁠—is that because you haven't owned the part of yourself that's like, "You're cute and annoying. I really want to hang out with you, but you just are⁠"⁠—you know? Like whatever. "This isn't⁠—it's not working this time. Let's call it a night and hang out tomorrow"⁠— it's not comfortable for you to own that you do have strong and fleeting emotions. Instead, you push them down so they don't flee; they're just strong.

Because of all of this, you end up being attracted to people who embody it for you. And this is where it's less shocking that you unintentionally, bizarrely end up with these two gun lovers when you're really not a gun lover⁠—like, really not a gun lover. Part of what I think is really important for you⁠—with this guy, with no guy, with the guy before him, whatever⁠—is to be able to acknowledge when you're annoyed and to ask yourself, "Is this like a thing? Is this thing that I'm finding myself having an emotional reaction to about something deep, or is it about me having an emotional reaction?" So just practice, when you can, asking yourself that simple question because, in that way, you just start exercising your own agency a little bit more. You start owning your own Mars a little bit more. And that's just good for you with any man you're with.

What I wanted to tell you about is happening for you right now is you are going through a Pluto opposition to Saturn. Now, this is a once-in-a-lifetime transit, and it's really triggering your relationship issues. It is a part of your divorce, and it's a part of you getting together with this guy. And a huge part of what you get to do in this transit is come into greater ownership of your own power and agency. This transit can go in really challenging ways or not.

What I'm really confident about is that it is important for you to assert yourself⁠—and I don't mean all the time in every detail, because that's definitely not realistic, and also, I don't think that's especially helpful. But I do mean around the big things, like seeing his home, having conversations around guns, that kind of stuff, because I have rules⁠—big surprise; I'm a Capricorn. But I have all these rules about what it takes to know someone. And I am of the very firm conviction that you do not know someone until you have said no to them about something that they really want you to say yes, and you don't really know someone until you have a fight and it's your fault, or you have a fight and it's their fault.

I mean, you think back to your marriage, and you think about the time before you knew those parts of your ex-husband and the time after you knew those parts⁠—very different relationship, eh?

Billie: Yeah.

Jessica: And I don't blame you for not wanting to know things you don't want to know. But this man that you're with, whoever he is, you deserve to know before you spend a decade with him if you don't like the answers. And I don't look at him energetically and think, "Uh-oh." And you know I'd tell you even though you didn't want to hear it. I would tell you if I was like, "This looks scary to me," because honestly, the transits you're going through are not the easiest when it comes to relationships. It's pushing you to step into your power, to have boundaries. You do not want to have boundaries at all.

I was nervous when I was preparing for our meeting. I was like, "God, I hope I don't have to tell you something scary about this man." And I will say that there are things about him that give me pause, like in the terrorist alert flag system, there's red and orange. There's some orange flags on this [beach]. But then there's the romantic part, and it's tense across the board. There's something so tender and loving, and there's just⁠—it looks like the two of you are like Lego pieces; you just fit together. So that emotional/physical connection is just a yes. Am I seeing that right?

Billie: Yeah, in a way that I've never experienced. But I don't want that to overshadow hard truths or⁠—you know.

Jessica: Yes. Yeah. I mean, because you want something that feels this good to lead to marriage⁠—or partnership, whatever, right? I don't know that you need to get married, TBH, but partnership, right? You do need to know a couple things that you don't know. And that will only happen by insisting that he brings you a damn napkin, that you get the bread bowl even though you're not that attached to the bread, and that you have water with your meal.

The Neptune conjunction to your Moon which is happening now is all about emotional boundaries. There's no person I would ever talk to going through this transit that I wouldn't say, "You're going to need to learn how to have emotional boundaries." And for you, that's all about giving yourself permission to have critical feelings and thoughts and know that that doesn't mess with your love for that person. You don't have to martyr yourself to be devoted. Devotion can happen without self-sacrifice. Self-sacrifice is a part of love, but some of it, for you, is hiding from having to deal with the shitty part of the truths that you don't want to know. And that's the part of that you deserve more on.

Billie: With this Pluto/Saturn conjunction that I'm currently going through⁠—

Jessica: It's an opposition, but close. Yes. Yeah.

Billie: Opposition. Will this eventually shift, and will I⁠—I think I feel like I prioritize romantic relationships. You're saying I prioritize all relationships, which is true. I guess I feel so much more hold with romantic relationships. That seems to have such a bigger pull on me or a drain on me in a way that I'm wondering if that will shift eventually, that I'll be able to care about it less⁠—or not⁠—yeah, care about it.

Jessica: Consumed. It's like you're consumed by it, eh?

Billie: I feel like sometimes, like, why do I place it at⁠—where some people don't seem to care much about it? Yeah. I don't like that side of myself, that it is really important, even wanting to be loved or liked or wanting to feel that I need to put on the best me to the point of my own detriment. So yeah. Will that shift with this⁠—

Jessica: That's a great question.

Billie: ⁠—or is this something that I need to work on in terms of just [crosstalk]?

Jessica: Okay. So here's the annoying answer. It can shift. The Pluto opposition to Saturn is over in November of this year, and then the Neptune conjunction to your Moon, it'll be over in March of 2025. This is a period in your life where you will either actively work to make those changes, or you'll get worse with that stuff, to be honest, to be totally frank, which is why I've been pushing, trying to push and push at you not in a way where I shut you down but in a way where you'll be able to hear it because you've been going through the Pluto opposition to Saturn for about a year, right? Just over a year, and you have just under a year left.

You already know this has really been a period where you've had to take up more space. Even being in this new relationship, it's an affirmation of it being over with your ex-husband, which is hard at any stage, but it's quick. It's quick to fall in love with someone else. The Neptune transit, though⁠—this is the one you have more time on. It would be very easy for you to be like, "This man is a sparkle unicorn, and I will keep him in sparkle unicorn land at all costs. I will not broach hard topics. I will not force issues that I know he doesn't want to deal with. I will keep him in a bubble." You could easily keep him in a bubble. I mean, look. You've already done a very good job⁠—oh my goodness⁠—of keeping this man in a bubble.

And so this won't get better on its own, unfortunately. It won't improve on its own. It is all about boundaries, unfortunately. When I say boundaries, it's about being able to center your own feelings and perspective and not apologize or protect anyone from it, and be able to say to someone⁠—let's just say, as an example, him⁠—"I think about you all the time. I adore you. You are cuter than you deserve to be or any one man deserves to be"⁠—because it looks like you feel like he's the cutest person in the world. Is that right? Is he super cute?

Billie: Yes.

Jessica: Super cute. So you can tell him, "You are cuter than you deserve to be. And I need to figure out how to hang out alone and just spontaneously do my own thing. And so I'm going to miss you all day, but you need to go away. I need to just figure out how to be alone with myself." You get to do stuff like that. Have you heard of the sandwich method?

Billie: No.

Jessica: There's this thing called the sandwich method, which is the bread⁠—positive reinforcement. "You're cuter than you deserve to be." The meat is criticism, constructive criticism. "I need you to get out of my house. I need you to bring me to your house even though you keep on saying no. I need you to stop breathing through your mouth," whatever it is. And then another piece of bread, and that's another positive thing. So it's, "And I'll trust that you'll do it because I trust you," or, "Have I mentioned that you have the best mustache I've ever seen?" or whatever it is. Positive, negative, positive. And you seam them together. You're making a sandwich so that you can bite into it. It becomes a lot easier to give that negative feedback or that constructive feedback if it's couched, if it's sandwiched. So I give that to you as a method to try out.

You're going to feel awkward and bad if you assert yourself, if you ask for something that you know he doesn't want to give you or you think he doesn't want to give you⁠—him, anyone. You're going to feel weird, and you're going to feel bad. And that feeling of feeling weird and bad is not evidence that you're asking for too much or taking up too much space or being mean. It's just a habit that you have. Some of it's a little bit your nature. Some of it is an overcorrection from not getting the kind of care and love that you would have preferred in your developmental time.

Luckily, this guy⁠—he's a grown ass man. He doesn't need a mom. He likes the way you love him. He likes being nurtured. But he doesn't actually need parenting in this way, if I'm seeing him correctly. Is that true?

Billie: That's true. It is true.

Jessica: So part of what having boundaries is also about is trusting the people that you're close to, trusting that he can take care of himself. And if it really bothers him, then he'll say something to you, because how can you trust someone who doesn't tell you when something's wrong? And I think you're both doing that with each other. You're like, "I don't want problems. I had problems with my ex. I don't have problems with you. That's how I'd like to keep it."

And on the one hand, fuck yeah. That makes sense, right? I mean, fair. And on the other hand, it's idealistic to think you can be with someone the way the two of you are together for over a year and that it's not something on its own and real. My question for you is did I answer that question?

Billie: You did. You answered the question more.

Jessica: Sorry. Yeah.

Billie: When you said the piece about⁠—I do so strongly desire love and partnership and all that in a way that I feel kind of like I want to have it at all costs, and I don't want to have it at all costs⁠—or I do, but I don't, because I think that's the question, like at all costs. And so I guess I am hearing that I⁠—I mean, people have it without sacrificing⁠—

Jessica: Yes.

Billie: ⁠—their being able to speak up for what they think or need or want. They don't have to just subjugate themselves, especially with men, wanting to have them feel bolstered up in order to⁠—

Jessica: Any man who needs to bolster himself up on your back is not the kind of man you need, even if you're the one who's like, "No, seriously, step on my back. It's fine," which I think is a little bit of your habit, to be like, "Oh, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. You can make yourself strong on my back," basically. I definitely think, looking at your birth chart, that you can have a love relationship that is successful and committed and long-lasting and be more forthcoming about what doesn't work and ask for your needs to be met more. 100 percent, I see it in your chart. 100 percent.

Will it come easily or naturally to you? No. You already know that. You're a grown-up. It's not coming easily to you yet. Obviously, it's not going to be easy or natural for you. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. And this is the thing about being in your 40s, is that you're old enough⁠—you've had all your 20s, all your 30s⁠—to have all these adult experiences to know who you are and who you're not. But you're young enough that there's so many years ahead of you. There's so many adult years ahead of you that you want to make sure that you're not re-creating your 30s or your 20s in your 40s or your 50s, right? And that means we have to be willing to go through somewhat cathartic change, big change where we confront the things we've been too scared or ill-equipped to confront in our 30s and 20s.

And this is what makes me so crazy about seeing how many people are like, "Oh, well, life is over in your 30s." It's like, life as you recognize it might be, but it's really a time for recognizing this behavior pattern for you was your participation in what didn't work with your ex-husband. And then, when you were pissed off at him and you exploded at him or whatever, it was the behavior of a person who held their tongue for too long.

Billie: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: If you had figured out a way to talk about things before it felt like the house was on fire, it wouldn't have come out the same way as it did. It looks like you just kind of waited until it felt like the house was on fire before you said anything.

Billie: Yeah. I mean, definitely, as I got older and I got more disillusioned about who he was in my eyes, I became less concerned with certain things where I think when I initially held him in a certain⁠—I saw him in a certain light or believed him to be a certain person, I think I was definitely much more⁠—yeah. I just felt really thoughtful about my interactions. There is also a desire for me always to do the right thing or to put my best foot forward or to really try my hardest. And so, even if something⁠—I don't agree with it, I do have a tendency to be like, "Okay. I want to still hear where this person is coming from." Or if I love someone, I do want them to feel good and be happy. That then puts me at a certain level of peace.

Jessica: I'm not advising you to stop doing that. It's to add in centering your own feelings, your own preferences, your own opinions, and your own need for happiness because doing that is healthy and loving and great. I'd marry you. That sounds wonderful. Yes. Give me that, of course. Yes. Absolutely. But at the same time, you're doing that at your own expense. There is a way to do that and center yourself. It might take more time. It might mean that you need more space before you react. It might mean that things are a little messier in your conversations. But you don't have to stop being a caring, supportive, loving, devoted friend, partner, whatever. It's just about having the same level of devotion to your own damn self, which is just⁠—you have not developed that habit at all. It's not that you don't have the skills.

I had tendinitis of the knee once⁠—I promise this is going somewhere. It seems like I went left field, but I promise it's going to go. I had tendinitis of the knee once, and so I went to a Pilates teacher, and I thought that would help with my injury. And at the end of every session, she would get on all fours and whisper to my uninjured knee, "Teach your friend." What she was telling my body is, "Hey, uninjured knee. You know how to function without tendinitis. Teach the tendinitis knee."

While that was both funny and adorable and all those things, the reason why I'm sharing it with you now is because you have these skills. You know how to do this for other people. You don't have to learn this skill. You have this skill. You just need to have the "I give to others" part of you teach you how to treat you like a friend, how to treat you like a loved one. That's not selfish. That's not unfeminine or unloving. It's just taking yourself along for the love ride. If you're going to have rainbows and lollipops, there should be rainbows and lollipops for you, too, not just for the people who get to be in the hot-air balloon with you. You should get to eat the rainbows and lollipops, too.

Billie: Yes. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. So it's about adding instead of subtracting, adding this behavior instead of subtracting. From what I can see, if you take this advice and are like, "Okay. I'm going to try"⁠—and I don't mean this in a negative way, but you're not going to be good at it. It's going to feel awful and awkward, and sometimes it'll piss people off or hurt people's feelings, which is why you haven't done it before.

Billie: Or when I've done it, it's been such a pushback, and it's been really uncomfortable that I then quickly bolt.

Jessica: Yeah. You're just like, "Well, it's not worth it, clearly." But that's how everything is. I mean, you have a kid. Have you ever taught a kid how to tie a shoe? My God, it's so painful to teach a kid how to tie a shoe. And there's so much demoralization, right? But as an adult, you're like, "I know that you will get this wrong over and over and over again, and then one day, you'll just get it right. And then you'll get it wrong again, but you just keep trying."

If we take out the morality from this⁠—and you've assigned morality to this⁠—if you take out those judgments and you just give yourself permission to develop a skill and to say to this man, for instance, "I have not had boundaries in my last marriage, and I do not want to re-create my last marriage. So I'm going to try, and sometimes I'm going to do a bad job. I want you to know I'm trying, and I'm not trying to do a bad job. So just be patient and tell me, and then we'll work it out as a couple, as a team," he'd be down for that. He will be super down for that. He does like team conversations. He does like a team-based approach to, "What are we going to do this afternoon?" or whatever. Am I seeing that correctly?

Billie: Yeah. He definitely⁠—he likes that I'm⁠—I think he does appreciate if I say what I need and what I want. I just⁠—

Jessica: Yep. He wants to know where he stands. He doesn't want to give you what he doesn't want to give you, and he doesn't want to do what he doesn't want to do, because you have a type. Because you have a type. [indiscernible 00:50:53]. What I want to encourage you to be willing to figure out is how different from your ex-husband he is. You deserve to know.

Billie: Yeah.

Jessica: You can find out, "Holy shit. He is not that different from my husband in some key ways," and then you'll have a choice to make. You can make any choice you want in the presence of that information. But robbing yourself of that information isn't helping you. It's a habit. And it keeps you safe in the short term at your own long-term peril, right?

Billie: Yeah.

Jessica: Because you knew who your husband was years and years and years before you started actually dealing with it.

Billie: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: And this man is not perfect. He's not perfect for you. He's not a perfect man. You are not perfect. I am not perfect. I think on a spiritual level, you can pull back and be like, "He doesn't have to be perfect, but we have to agree on what's important to work on." And that's what you need to figure out. Can you agree on what's important to work on? The only way for that to occur is if you bring forward more of your feelings and needs. Now, I know I'm the one who said it's a big deal that you see his house, but I'm looking at your chart. There's no way you don't care about seeing this man's house, looking at your chart. Am I right about that?

Billie: No, you're dead on. I think, earlier on, six months ago, I think I was more preoccupied with it. And I don't know if it's just that I've gotten to a place where I'm just kind of like, "Okay. This is what it is," trying to lean into this radical acceptance. But maybe that's just because it's easy to be radically accepting as opposed to⁠—

Jessica: Bingo. Bingo. Bingo. I think you're just like, "I don't want to break up over this, so fuck it. I'm just going to accept it."

Billie: I don't want to break up, so I'll just accept it. But I don't. Yeah. I think my heart of hearts⁠—I see it more of a sign of intimacy, not necessarily⁠—it's that I feel like, "Okay, you haven't felt comfortable yet enough"⁠—I've seen it like, "I haven't given you enough of an indicator that I'm worthy of or that you're comfortable enough"⁠—

Jessica: No. No. No. Let me get in the way of that. No. I'm raising my hand. Okay. This is not a matter of you giving him enough so that he lets you in. It's a matter of him being willing to let you in, and that's on him because after a year⁠—after six months⁠—I get kids. I'm a huge fan of protecting kids and being slow with introducing a new person. Huge fan. Huge advocate of that. But it's been more than nine months, and you haven't seen the house. It's not that you haven't spent the night. If he says, "You can come in, but you can't spend the night. I'm not ready for family dinners," that doesn't sound crazy to me. But not coming in the house? That is⁠—someone's hiding something.

Maybe he's a mess, and does that matter to you? Yes, it does. You need to know, how messy is this man? If there are guns lying around, then you know he's lying about something you never doubted. That's important information for you to have, and it's also very dangerous. Please be concerned if that's what happens. But you can't make a decision without information. If you say to him, "It's been more than a year, and you've never even invited me into your house. It's starting to feel really weird. I need you to explain it to me, but what I really need is for you to have me over just so I can see it," and if he insists and says no, I would ask you why you would want to stay with that, because that's weird. That starts to feel like he's hiding something, right?

I understand you don't want to know something that will make you have to answer those questions, right? I respect that. You're protecting yourself from knowing the truth, which doesn't make it less true. And you did that in the marriage. You've done that. Let's say our worst-case scenario is there's something really wrong with this guy. He is hiding something that you would be very upset to find out⁠—worst-case scenario, right? Then you had a good year, and it was a gift, and you had good sex and you had good love and you had companionship, and you figured out that your ex-husband was not the only guy that you could be with and be happy with. You figured out who you were and that⁠—you know, still got it.

And you'll be heartbroken, but you also will have gotten so many gifts, and you will not have re-created the worst parts of your marriage. You deserve to know the truth, really. I'm sorry.

Billie: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. Is he the only person you could be in love with? Probably no. Even if you stay with him forevermore, even if he's perfect for you⁠—

Billie: I didn't think that could even⁠—yeah. I was surprised that I even⁠—I felt like it was a gift. It felt like a gift to me because I never thought I [crosstalk].

Jessica: It is a gift. Whether it lasts or not, it's a gift. I think that's really important for me to say to you because I think you have this kind of fatalistic take. It's like either it's perfect or it's devastating. It's either/or. But the truth is, even if it ended tomorrow, it wouldn't have been a mistake to have been with him. Now, you spend another year with a man that doesn't let you in his front door? I'm not going to say the same thing, okay?

Billie: Okay.

Jessica: Right? I mean, there are boundaries here. There are boundaries here.

Billie: Yeah. You're right.

Jessica: Yeah. That's what we needed to get to, actually. That was the piece.

Billie: We did.

Jessica: So, Billie, I really appreciate you doing this with me, and I know it was really hard. If you want to mobilize on this stuff, I just want to reiterate saying to him or your besties, "I want to try to be more assertive. I don't know how. I'm scared of being rude or mean. Please let me know. Let's have conversations about it. I'm trying something new." And anyone who loves you is going to be supportive, and they'll probably also be defensive sometimes because everyone is when we first start with boundaries. But I do see that this could really be like the opening of a whole new chapter of your life, a better chapter, to be honest. Yeah.

Billie: I want that.

Jessica: And you deserve it. Growing old with someone, which⁠—to be clear for anyone who's listening that is in their 20s or 30s⁠, you are far from old. You are not old in your 40s. But you're at the age where if you're investing in a relationship, you're going to hopefully be growing old with this guy, and you need to make sure there's room for you because you can't take care of somebody through all the ages. He's gotta be the kind of person who wants to take care of you. And there's parts of him that I'm like, "He's so tender and so supportive and so nurturing," and then there's parts of him where I'm like, "I don't know." You need to ask questions. You need to push a little, and you'll know. That's the move. Yeah. I'm sorry. I know it's kind of heavy.

Billie: No. It's what I needed to hear and what I have kind of known but have been avoiding, and a confirmation and the kick in the pants.

Jessica: Okay. Good.

Billie: I so, so appreciate this, Jessica.

Jessica: It's so my pleasure. I'm so glad we did it, and I'm wishing you all my best.

The City of Atlanta has leased 381 acres of the Weelaunee Forest on stolen Muscogee land to the Atlanta Police Foundation for a police military facility funded by corporations. The Atlanta Police Foundation is building a police militarization facility for police to train in urban warfare. The plans include military-grade training facilities, a mock city to practice urban warfare, explosive testing areas, dozens of shooting ranges, and a Black Hawk helicopter landing pad. Here are some ways for you to support the defense of the forest and Atlanta. Donate to the Atlanta Solidarity Fund at ATLsolidarity.org to support legal costs for arrested protesters and ongoing legal action. Call on investors in the project to divest from Cop City and the builders of the project to drop their construction contracts. You can get information about all of this at defendtheatlantaforest.org and learn more about Cop City at stopcop.city.

Let's get astrological. Before we look at your horoscope, I want to remind you of a couple really important things. The first one is please make sure you hit the Subscribe or Follow button wherever you listen to this podcast because Ghost of a Podcast is making a major change of being a once-weekly podcast to now being a twice-weekly podcast. We're starting this Wednesday the 22nd, but every Wednesday moving forward, you're going to get the reading. The same reading you've gotten every Sunday, you're going to be getting it as its own episode on Wednesdays. And then, on Sundays, you're going to get the horoscope, just like you always have, and a bunch of my thoughts at the top.

So, if you're somebody who just loves listening to the whole episode⁠, the reading and the horoscope back-to-back, just ignore the Wednesday drop and listen to them both on Sunday. And if you're somebody who is like me and often struggling for time, hopefully you will enjoy being able to listen to two separate episodes within the week. And if you love it or hate it, I'm sure I'll hear from you over at ghostofapodcast.com on my contact form.

And while you're there, let us not forget that this month on Ghost of a Podcast, in honor of Black History Month, we are centering Black love. And that means I am taking questions from Black folks about anything as loosely to do with the theme and concept of love as you want it to be. So, if you are Black and you want to send a question to be considered for the podcast, again, just go over to ghostofapodcast.com and send me your question through the contact form there.

And I mean, I just think it's kind of fun, and it just kind of happened this way, that this is the 300th episode of Ghost of a Podcast, which I'm very excited about and proud of. So it's the 300th episode, and it is kind of the start of a new era here on Ghost. And I don't know. It's a little bit of a shift in energy. I don't know. Maybe you'll feel it; maybe you won't. But I will say what I've said many times before: I fucking love making this podcast. I love the community that I feel really close to of Ghost of a Podcasters⁠—no. Ghost babies? I'm not sure what to call you, but I feel a sense of closeness. I hope you do, too.

And a big part of why astrology is so powerful is because it teaches us about interconnection, how what we're going through now is connected to where we were and where we're going, but also how we're connected to each other, how we're connected to people of our generation, of different generations, and so on. So I don't know. Astrology is kind of fucking awesome. And to that end, again, before I get into the nitty-gritty of this week's horoscope, I just want to acknowledge that we live in a world where everything is edited so quickly. We expect things to happen instantaneously. We have lost patience as a collective, and along with the loss of patience inevitably comes a loss in perspective.

And if you've been listening to this podcast and me for the last couple of years or from the beginning, you know that I have talked extensively about the need for us to protect journalists, about the risk of war⁠—civil and world war⁠—of the breaking down of infrastructure, the need to protect people of all genders, especially people of the Trans experience and women, female people, and many other issues⁠—many, many, many other issues. And it's important to know that when I have named astrological phenomenon occurring that are likely to trigger any of these issues, it's not just that when the astrology says this particular issue is likely to be up in the collective or we're seeing major developments in one particular issue in the collective⁠—it's not just that in that moment, it's active. It's that every action has its own chart, its own astrological chart, associated with it. Every action has its own life, and every inaction has its own life.

And so while, yes, during the Saturn/Uranus square, which I talked about for almost two years, we were seeing the need to deal with crumbling infrastructure on a material level, on a mental level, on all the damn levels⁠, and that was really active and present then, we are now seeing the consequences of not having done that when we look at things like what happened in East Palestine, Ohio, where there was a train derailment and toxic flammable materials have leached into the air and water and ground, and many other things all around the world where we are seeing how the lack of preparation in terms of infrastructure is having meaningful consequences right now.

So it's not just when the transit is active that we see the consequences. It's what happens after the transit is active is often meaningfully equally important. Connected to that, we are still very much, very much in the Pluto Return of the United States. And there are so many things that have been happening here domestically that are small and large that are a direct articulation of this transit. It is important for me to name, as a person who lives in the world but as an astrologer specifically, that we still are very much at risk of losing whatever democracy we've had to white Christian nationalists. This is happening. White Christian nationalists are gaining power socially, politically. This is a very scary thing, but it is happening. Right?

The Pluto Return isn't over. It's not over. We can still fight like hell, not just against those we don't want in power or those we don't agree with or those we are scared of⁠—although that, yes⁠—but also for the love of those that they would corrupt and harm and destroy. So part of the way to sustain this really scary, overwhelming effort that we must sustain is by aligning with our love of those we wish to protect and care for because fighting against bad guys is fucking exhausting, but mobilizing based on your drive towards collective care⁠—that's a lot more energizing. So it may be a subtle tweak in perspective that can give you a bit more energy, and if so, please run with it.

Now, I want to say this thing I'm talking about, about how yes, a thing happens astrologically and it's really active at that time, but it doesn't just⁠—poof⁠—go away afterwards, is also true when we're talking about your birth chart. You can go through something like, say, your Saturn Return, which is a transit that most people know about, and in the period of your Saturn Return, you go through really intense things. It's an activating transit. But how you handle that transit is not just about that time of your life. It lays the foundation/it has meaningful consequences for the next 29 years of your life.

Similarly, every transit we go through is part of an ongoing set of cycles and has meaningful consequences within our lives, not just in the present moment, but as we progress, as we move forward into the future. And so this is an important time to, to the best of your ability, stay associated, stay engaged, stay activated, because we are changing. The world is changing. My God, I mean, have you looked around? It is changing. And as it changes, we must be adaptable. We all gotta find our role to play and do our best to play it when we can, how we can. Nobody's supposed to be perfect or on 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. But find your way.

We are in this moment right before things change dramatically when Mars moves into Pisces, meeting Neptune in that sign⁠—not conjoining, but joining in general. Pluto moves into Aquarius. I mean, we are on the precipice of some really radical change, and things are likely to be teetering as we move towards the edge. And if you're a really sensitive person, you're likely to be feeling it. So I gotta say be adaptable. Be flexible. Be interested. That's your best move because trying to bear down, dig in your heels, and resist change is only going to make things more painful for you, for us all.

Okay. This week starts with a damn New Moon, and that is a lovely thing. So let's get into your horoscope. The first transit I want to tell you about happens on February 19th at 11:06 p.m. Pacific Time. So, if you're anywhere east of me, this is going to be happening on the 20th for you. But I'm in California, so we're going to call it for California. We've got a New Moon in Pisces, and on the same day at 9:05 a.m., we have an exact Venus sextile to Pluto. At about 50 minutes after the New Moon, Venus ingresses into Aries. So lots to say. Lots to say.

New Moons are always a great time for planting seeds. They're always a good time for setting intention and clarifying because it's this reset moment, and it's a reset for the next 30 days. When we're talking about Eclipses, it's got a longer field of influence, but we're not in Eclipse Season yet. So 30 days, right? And New Moons are such an important reset because they kind of bring us back into our emotional body and empower us to check in with what is or isn't working and to be intentional about how we approach what we do.

The Moon is not so much about doing. I mean, it is in many ways, but it's not like Mars or Mercury. It's not like Saturn. The Moon governs how we feel. And so, when we're dealing with a New Moon, or internal motivations, our sense of safety, our sense of wellness, is activated. And so a New Moon in Pisces, generally speaking, is a damn glorious thing. It's a glorious thing because it empowers us to be more connected to our sense impressions, to our spirituality, and connecting that with a New Moon can be really magical and open things up.

But of course, the Universe is like, "Ha. Not this time, you nerds." And instead of it being an easy, glorious, sparkly New Moon, Saturn is sitting at 28 degrees of Aquarius right on top of our New Moon⁠—which is a Sun/Moon conjunction, for those who don't know⁠—at one degree of Pisces. So these are nice, tight conjunctions three degrees apart. The fact that it's out of sign, if you're an astrology student, is worth consideration because we're dealing with the energies of Aquarius as well as the energies of Pisces. But it doesn't weaken the conjunction, at least not from my perspective, okay? It just gives us more energies to consider.

So what Saturn is likely to do is kind of intensify our self-consciousness, which can be a really great thing because self-consciousness can lead to self-awareness, humility, willingness to take responsibility. And what is responsibility if not the ability to respond? But Saturn can also make us feel sad and insecure and self-conscious in a way that's like, "What are other people thinking?" It can make us feel kind of depressed. It can make our attention focus on what isn't working and a sense of scarcity instead of what we have achieved and how far we have come.

So the way that Saturn functions for you is going to be a little bit of how these transiting planets impact your birth chart and a little bit of where you're at. When we're dealing with astrology, we are dealing with predestination, but it is paired with free will. We always have free will around how we will engage with these transits, which are literally like⁠—the math was written a long time ago, right? But we do have the ability to engage with it with our own attention.

So here's my advice for this New Moon. Be willing to take responsibility. Be willing to do the work and to understand that sometimes what doing the work means is giving yourself permission to feel what you fucking feel, just tolerating your emotions, being a good parent⁠—Saturn⁠—to your own heart, to your own feelings. And that is easier said than done for most of us a lot of the time. You gotta start where you're at. This is a lesson that Saturn likes to teach us: start where you're at, because Saturn is all about step by step by step. So where are you now, and what is the next step, is a great thing to be asking yourself.

A lot of people like to do manifestation work during New Moons, and this New Moon is not a bad time for doing that as long as you are being kind of grounded in what you're trying to manifest. And if you've been having a really hard time manifesting clarity of purpose, manifesting the ability to respond⁠, a.k.a. responsibility⁠, humility, the ability to engage with the things that are important to you consistently, those are some great things to manifest under this particular New Moon because Daddy Saturn is just sitting there, and she's doing what she does, because if you didn't know, Saturn is a hyphen.

Okay. That's not the only thing that's happening in this New Moon chart. We got a lot of Pisces energy because Venus is at the anaretic degree of Pisces. It's at 29 degrees and 57 minutes, and we have it sitting very close to Neptune. So Neptune and Venus are still conjoined, not exact, and this makes things a lot more confusing. This makes it more likely that we're going to feel a sense of insecurity around relationships, finances, or just general sense of belonging. Damn Venus and Neptune.

But happily, Venus is forming, as I said, a sextile to Pluto, and that is really strengthening. So here's how you tap into the Venus sextile energies. What you do is you align with your values. What you do is you look for possibility and potential. And instead of telling yourself that you can't or that you missed the boat or whatever it is, strive to have a creative approach to how you can engage with the possibilities and potential in your life, whether they're things that are already there or things you're hoping to generate.

Between Saturn's presence sitting on top of the Sun and Moon and the Venus/Pluto sextile, there is real potential for achievement. There is real potential for setting goals and actually making moves that are effective and dynamic that work. Again, it's a New Moon. It's a conjunction. It's the beginning of a cycle. So you may not see all the outcomes immediately, but plant the seeds. Start the thing. Shift your attitude. Have a conversation with somebody, and maybe you're not saying something different than you've ever said before, but you're saying it in a different way. You're listening in a different way.

This is a time for engaging practically, engaging creatively, and centering your principles and values with whatever it is you do and your approach in how you do it. In this New Moon chart, we've got Jupiter and Chiron still sitting close to each other because that's what's happening. We're in this period of Jupiter and Chiron sitting conjoined to each other. It's not exact, but they're close. We've also got a Mars trine to Mercury. The Mars trine to Mercury can really empower us to say what needs to be said, to be brave, to put ourselves out there, which is great. It can be very catalyzing without the drama.

The Jupiter/Chiron conjunction, it kind of calls on us to move through things that are really challenging, challenge our sense of self and identity in many ways. So it's not an especially easy conjunction, but it is a powerful one, and it can be quite empowering. So, again, this isn't the time to tune out. This is the time for bravery. This isn't the time to be like, "Okay. I can't." It's the time to figure out where you can and how you can. And if you're super burned out like so many of us are, then the best action for you to take is a course of action in which you support your system. And that might mean the best action you can take is doing less.

Let's be really clear. Action is not always going out in the 3D world and doing shit. Sometimes action is putting all the tools and toys down and going within. And that might look like kind of a passive action, but it is very much an action, and it's a really hard one for a lot of us. So, wherever you're at⁠—needing to go within or challenge yourself to step outside of yourself, to challenge your comfort zone, or to really commit to a course of action⁠—it's not likely to be completely easy right now. And that doesn't mean it's bad. So, again, I think it's really helpful to align yourself with your values and your principles as a way to motivate yourself and keep yourself on track. And so that is what I want to encourage you to do this New Moon.

Now, the fact that Venus moves into Aries after the New Moon just represents a shift in energies. Venus in Pisces is a time when the diplomacy of Venus and the proactiveness of Aries team up. And so it can be a great time for putting yourself out there, for socializing, for making art, for exploring your values. It's super different than Venus in Pisces, which is more of an internal transit. So we're moving closer to spring, and Venus is in Aries. It is a time where, again, it gives you a little juj. And who doesn't need a little juj?

That brings us to the 20th. And on the 20th of February, we have a Mercury sextile to Chiron. This transit is an excellent time for you to get clear about your intentions, to really explore what you're thinking, your friendships, how you've been communicating⁠—and that's not just what you say; it's the tone with which you say it. It's important to remember that there's your verbal tone when you're talking to people, if you do talk to people, and also, there's the tone of your writing. Are you an all-caps person? Can tone be changed by the use of commas? I would say so. Would you? I don't know.

This transit is an opportunity for us to really explore our intentions, our communication, which is essentially our connection, how we are connecting with others, how we are receiving connection, and also how we listen to ourselves, what our attitudes are. Whenever we're dealing with Chiron, it's a little sticky. It's a little tricky. But this is an opportunity because a sextile is a spark of dynamic energy that empowers kind of creative change. So giddyap. Get on it, if you can. If you can.

Now, the next transit for me to tell you about is a little bit more tricky, and it's also a transit from Mercury. In fact, the rest of this week, it's just Mercury, Mercury, Mercury. So okay. On the 21st, we have an exact square between Mercury and Uranus. And this is going to kind of make the Mercury sextile Chiron a little less supportive, potentially. Now, before I give you the details, I just want to say that because this week, outside of the New Moon, is all Mercury transits⁠—it's all we got going on⁠—things are likely to be moving fast.

Now, that's made more intense by the transit I'm about to tell you about, but whenever we're dealing with a lot of Mercurial energy, it is exactly what it sounds like. It is Mercurial. So I want to prepare you. If you're somebody who does well with fast pace, then there's nothing to worry about. But if you're somebody who gets overwhelmed and overstimulated, if you have a hard time kind of keeping up or staying organized, or if this was just a bad week to hear this, then prepare yourself. Use this information to put things in place to support yourself.

So often, when I talk about transits, I see people online saying things like, "Oh no. That's terrible news for me." And yes, that's fair. Sometimes there's terrible news. But also, you are being empowered with the knowledge so that you can use that knowledge. You are not a hapless victim to astrology. I don't know⁠—maybe you are. But in general, I would say we are not hapless victims to astrology. We use astrology so that we can co-create, so we can collaborate, so we can empower ourselves to do the best we can do given our circumstances. So don't lose that perspective.

Okay. So to Mercury square Uranus. Mercury square Uranus is a transit that brings about upsets. It may literally interrupt your plans. If you're traveling, expect delays. Expect problems. Don't put anything you absolutely need on you in your checked-in luggage or whatever. This transit can bring about gossip. A secret that you were trying to keep may be revealed, or somebody else's secrets may be revealed. Uranus governs the unexpected, and Mercury is information. And this transit can be especially stressful because Mercury and Uranus both govern the mind. So this can bring up a lot of nervous tension and anxiety, and not panicky anxiety, but overstimulation anxiety.

This transit can bring excitement. It can bring surprises that are awesome. It can bring changes. It can bring the unexpected in a way that you're like, "Fuck yes. What is next?" and make you feel really alive. It can also be a transit that coincides with you having some sort of discovery, figuring something out, being able to kind of perceive things from a new perspective, and therefore take a new route in however you deal with them, especially around studying and communications, Mercury stuff. This is all very possible, but it's just as possible, because it's a square, and differently than the sextile, the square is⁠—it's kind of like a sharp 90-degree angle. It's like a sharp turn. And that can be really edgy-feeling. It can be challenging. And Uranus is the unexpected, and so extra challenging for a lot of people.

If you can put off things that are really important for you to make decisions that will last you a long period of time, that's ideal during this transit because the energy is all over the damn place. So you may not get the right information. You may misunderstand. What you say may be misunderstood, that kind of thing. It is ideal to not make permanent or seriously long-term plans under this transit. If you have been feeling all kinds of feelings and you've got to talk to someone that you're in relationship to, again, unless things have been really stuck, it's not the greatest time to have that kind of deep conversation.

If things have been stuck and you've been having a hard time kind of getting out of the cobwebs in your mind or in your communication, this transit can be just what you need. But everyone's a little nervy under this transit, and so it's more likely that we're going to have problems because you might say a thing just in a slightly weird enough way to trigger a person, and then we got fireworks⁠—not the fun kind, the, like, "Oh shit. Who set off these fireworks?" kind. So just things for you to consider.

If you are somebody who works with technology, you may find it to be very annoying. Things may be breaking or just not working. And it's important that you center your nervous system, like you take care of your nervous system around that, and to know that this transit will not last forever. It will be annoying. It will be stressful, and it will not be permanent. So pace yourself. Tend to your sweet little nervous system. Make friends with your vagus nerve. As I like to say, viva la vagus, you know? I mean, it's not the most common thing I could say, but that's how I relate with my vagus nerve, and maybe it'll work for you.

Okay. So that's your Mercury square Uranus, and that brings us to the last exact transit of the week and, my friends, of the month. That is happening on February 22nd, and it is a Mercury trine to Mars. Now, I mentioned it in the New Moon chart, but let me give a few more words to it. This transit is, first of all, overlapping with the Mercury square to Uranus. Again, Mercury is super busy this week. Mars speeds things up. Mars is impatient. Mars wants to go and do. And so that may increase our tendency rush things, to stress ourselves out, or let ourselves be stressed out by surprises, to speak out of turn or to say some shit we don't mean out of impulse, say it in a way we wish we hadn't, again, out of impulse. So it's important to remember that patience opens up new perspectives. So do your best to be present. Not going to be easy this week, but do your best to be present.

The good thing about this transit, which⁠—again, it's a trine, so we have a nice, supportive flow of energy between Mercury and Mars. The thing that's so great about this transit is it can increase our courage, increase our energy. It can support us in getting things done, moving through tasks, whether we're talking about working through your inbox or dealing with homework, or if you've been trying to complete some sort of task that requires concentration, analytics, writing, listening, this is the transit for you.

Now, Mercury's squaring Uranus, so it's getting in your way. It's getting in all our ways. But there it is, right? This transit opens us up to being more adventurous, being willing to take risks, and more brave socially, interpersonally, and in our own thinking. So that's kind of cool. This transit will not make you accident-prone. Mercury trine Mars will not in any way increase our likelihood of falling into accidents. However, the overlap of Mercury trine Mars with the Mercury square to Uranus is a little more concerning. And so this is where I want to say just, if you're feeling really out of whack, take care of yourself. Make sure you're driving slow. Look both ways before you cross that street, okay?

This is not the time to start shit with people if you don't want to deal with shit with people. In other words, just don't project out your feelings of unrest onto situations and people unless you would like to have a little bit of drama. Mercury trine Mars on its own⁠—lovely transit. In context, it's a little more challenging. But the thing that I'm really happy about is that it is happening on the same week as Saturn being conjunct to the Sun and Moon in the New Moon chart. It empowers us to be a little more brave and a little more open to moving through our shit. So that's kind of exciting, IMO.

Anyways, so I'm going to run through these transits one more time. There's a lot of them, but I will do it for you and also invite you, as always, to check out my astrologer's pro tool, Astrology for Days, over at astrologyfordays.com, where you can track the transits for your time zone and take notes, which I personally think is the best way to learn astrology. Study it, of course, but then track it with your own lived experience. It'll teach you in ways that no book really can.

So okay. On the 19th at 11:06 p.m. Pacific Time, we have a New Moon in Pisces. On the same day, Venus forms an exact sextile to Pluto, and Venus ingresses into Aries. On the 20th of February, we have an exact Mercury sextile to Chiron. On the 21st, Mercury is exactly square to Uranus. And on the 22nd, Mercury forms an exact trine to Mars. And that's your damn horoscope.

If you get value from the podcast, please do consider giving us a little five-star review, a little positive review. It warms my heart every damn time, and I really appreciate it. And if you want to learn more with me, please join me over on Patreon, where we are, right now, getting into the damn Nodes. We're doing a little astrology office hours here and there, and we're always woo. I mean, we're always pretty woo, which is really fun. Okay. Join me there or don't, and I will talk to you next week, not once but twice. Starting on the 22nd, stay tuned for another reading, and then next Sunday, the 26th of February, your horoscope will be there, same place, same time.

Don't forget to wear a mask when you're in indoor public spaces, and have a great week. Talk to you later. Buh-bye.