Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

In honor of Black History Month and its coinciding Valentine's Day, I am dedicating all of the listener questions to Black love for the month of February. If you are Black, send me your questions about love. But when I say love, I'm talking about all kinds of love: self-love, the love of art or work, familial love, and of course also romantic love. Just make sure to use the hashtag Black Love in your question. You can go ahead and send your questions to me via the contact form on my website at ghostofapodcast.com, and don't forget to use the hashtag Black Love with your question.

Jessica: Stripsaree, welcome to the podcast.

Stripsaree: Hi, Jessica.

Jessica: It is so wonderful to have you here. You tell me what you would like a reading about today.

Stripsaree: Thank you so much for having me. I love, love, love your work and this podcast, and I'm so gassed to be here. And it's just⁠—yeah, it's really nice to get to speak to you. So yeah. I have been in Conflictville, mainly at work. Most recently, myself and some colleagues called out a major newspaper about racism, and the blowback has been pretty intense from that. And it's sad because it's not a new thing for me to say, "Hey, this is racist," or, "Hey, this is ableist," and then to find myself isolated or undermined, [indiscernible 00:01:49] and then out of a job.

And I think that general sense of conflict has carried over into other areas of my life. So I guess the question is, who am I in conflict? Am I using my energy wisely? And what does this mean for, I guess, the balance between me looking after myself, especially in situations that are unfair, and having good relationships with other people and a good career? Sorry. That's a very⁠ [crosstalk].

Jessica: No. It's really big, and it makes perfect sense with where your chart's at right now. So I will get there in one second, but let me just get a little more context. When you⁠—you said exposed a paper, right? Like a publication?

Stripsaree: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Was that related to your work, or did you do that separate from your work?

Stripsaree: It was related to the work. It was a project, "Unearthing Legacies About Racism."

Jessica: Wow. Okay.

Stripsaree: And we experienced racism on the project.

Jessica: Okay. And so, when you say you're getting blowback, is it from your bosses or colleagues, or is it from the internet? Is it from the people that you told on? Or all of it?

Stripsaree: All of the above.

Jessica: Fuck.

Stripsaree: We tried to talk to our colleagues about it in the process of the project, and actually, you know that kind of creeping thing that any other person has to handle, you start being undermined⁠⁠—there's nitpicking. It escalates. And this escalated so much that we had to have a mediation process. That⁠—

Jessica: With people in your work, like with your colleagues?

Stripsaree: Yeah. With our colleagues. And by that point, it was really bad. We wrote a formal letter of complaint, like a collective letter. Nothing happened. We hoped that things would change. Then we did get an email like three weeks after the mediation telling us effectively that our contracts are done. "Hand over your work, and your email address is going to be closed. Goodbye."

Jessica: I'm so sorry.

Stripsaree: Thank you. So then we let people in our industry know about it because I think all of us have experienced this before where you get punished, essentially, for saying, "This is wrong." And then, yeah, the right-wing press got hold of the story, so they've been writing about it. They're still trying to find us to write more about it. And yeah. I think I'm just at the point now where over the last eight-ish years, I've been in this situation so many times. And I think, particularly in the industry that I work in, it's just been like a consistent pattern. And I'm not really sure if this is the right place for me and what is worth sticking in a fight for, basically.

Jessica: And you're in the media? We're keeping this vague for your safety. But you're in the media?

Stripsaree: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Okay. So there's layers. The first one that I want to acknowledge is the collective systemic layer, which is, in some ways, going to show up in your birth chart, but in a lot of ways not, because it's the ecosystem that we live in, that you live in. And so it's not exclusive and personal to you, and I really want to acknowledge that, because I think we get into trouble with spirituality and astrology when it's all about individualism. It's not just about how you handled it or what happened; it's about the racist, fucked-up, capitalistic system we live in.

That said, you were born⁠—so we're keeping your birth information private. I will acknowledge that you were born⁠—you're one of the millennials born with that Uranus/Neptune/Saturn conjunction in Capricorn. And in your birth chart, it's intercepted in the first house. And so there is this way that you learned in infancy what it would cost you to stand in your power. So you had a parent⁠—or maybe both parents⁠—who did take responsibility and stand up and embody their truth or what they felt to be right and moralistic, and it cost them a great deal. This makes sense, eh?

Stripsaree: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Yeah and so what we're talking about is the ways in which that happens for you as well.

Stripsaree: Sorry.

Jessica: No. I'm sorry. And let me know if you want me to slow down. Are you sure?

Stripsaree: I still don't know how to talk about that part of my biography and don't feel full ownership over it. So I've noticed that if anyone even mentions it, I still⁠ well up even though it happened a very long time ago.

Jessica: Your origin story never stops being your origin. And I don't think it ever gets unemotional and less personal. I'll also say, because these planets are intercepted, this not having ownership over a piece is by design. You were very emphatically told by your parents' behavior, and probably their words, to not take ownership over this part of your biography, as you framed it, because it would further make things difficult for you. So pretend that it didn't happen is not exactly what you were raised to do, but to kind of tough it out, suck it up, and soldier on⁠—that is what you were told emphatically to do. And the fucking terrible news here is that this part of your nature is being triggered at this time. So⁠—

Stripsaree: Yay.

Jessica: Yeah. I mean, everybody's jealous. It's glamorous.

Stripsaree: Clearly. Clearly. Clearly.

Jessica: Yes. So what's happening, before we even get into the specifics, is you are in your Christ year, which is your 33rd year, which is to say it is the integration of your Saturn Return. And again, Saturn is one of the planets responsible for this shit. And then you're also going through another transit, Pluto opposition to Mars, which we're going to talk about in detail in a moment. It is also intercepted in your seventh house. And so all of these parts of you that you have actively spent your whole life thus far being like, "Yeah, I can be big, but there will be consequences if I'm too big. I can take a stand, but there will be consequences if I take too much of a stand. And is it even my right? Do I even have a right to do these things? Should I back off?"⁠—this part of you is being kind of dragged into embodiment, dragged into conscious engagement, which would be hard at any age.

But you're at this particular age where you're old enough and you're mature enough to be able to own, "This matters to me. This is not just about what I've inherited, and it's not just about the world. It's about my life and how I want to live my life, like what's right for me," whereas I feel like so much in our 20s is racing to catch up. But post-Saturn Return, it shifts. So I want to say, separate from everything else that we talk about, that it is wise⁠—and do you have a shrink, a therapist?

Stripsaree: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Okay. Great. Okay. Good. So it is wise⁠—

Stripsaree: I'll be seeing her tomorrow.

Jessica: Thank you. I think it is really important for you to be talking about that part of your childhood, as tempting as it would be to run through the details of what's happening this week, and what do you need to do for next week? You can talk about that all day long, and it doesn't seem to scratch that itch that is in your heart. It's acknowledging this stuff, your core issues, that will empower you to see what you've been doing and make choices based on your life, not on your inheritances, but based on your nature, what you want for yourself in the situations you find yourself in here and now.

I will be frank that this is incredibly challenging work. I'm sorry, but it is the time, and it is worth it because intercepted planets in your early 30s are very hard to have ownership of. Intercepted planets are very hard to have ownership of in your 70s. It's not just that, but it's like you're so young that you haven't yet had the chance to have enough experiences that are conscious with those intercepted planets. And so, even though what we're talking about is related to a pattern⁠—you're like, "I have been here before. I know. I've been in jobs where his shit has happened before"⁠—it's as you named. It's like it's hard to have full ownership of those experiences. Somehow, it feels like they're not completely you. And it's part of why I'm so focused on interceptions in astrology, is because they are psychologically, emotionally, spiritually very hard to wrap your head around.

Now, fucking Pluto opposite Mars. Okay. So bear with me. So this thing started February 28th of 2021. It's a once-in-a-lifetime transit, doesn't happen to everyone, and when it happens, you will not miss it. It is that kind of transit. It will be over December 21st of this year, 2023. So⁠—

Stripsaree: This year. Great.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Great. You have less than a year of it left. You've been going through it for a year. Now, Pluto opposite Mars brings up conflict. It brings up⁠—yeah. I mean, your whole question is like⁠—

Stripsaree: No, never.

Jessica: Yeah. Never heard her name.

Stripsaree: Never met her.

Jessica: Exactly. Pluto opposite Mars will often put you in a situation that doesn't feel safe, where you have to make a decision around whether or not you're going to take a stand, fight, or flee. And it tests your ego. Now, in your birth chart, you've got Mars in Cancer intercepted in the seventh house. So the way your ego is most comfortable is, "How can I take care of you? How can I take care of the situation? What needs support? What needs nurturance? I'm going to protect myself while I take care of you." That's your comfort zone.

Stripsaree: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: And so, when you were in the middle of this project, you were probably driven by a sense of clarity, like, "Of course I have to take care of this because it's not just about me. I'm taking care of others." And then fucking Pluto opposition from your first house is like, "And it all falls on you. What are you going to do? How are you going to take care of yourself?" And it's Pluto, so it's like getting sucker punched and then just punched in the stomach over and over and over again.

Stripsaree: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm winded.

Jessica: Yeah. That's basically what happens. But it doesn't ease is the problem. This transit doesn't ease. And so what you are meant to learn is that you are not what you do. Your ego, passions, your ambitions, are a huge and important part of yourself, but they are not the only part of you that is important. And oftentimes, in this transit, we end up in a situation similar to what you're describing where it's just like you have to take a stand. You have to take a stand one way or another. Fleeing is taking a stand. Fighting is taking a stand.

And it is really important that you believe in what you're doing. That's key, is that you believe in what you're doing. And from what you've described, I'm not too worried about that. The other part is this transit can put you in danger. And I mean, having lived in the world for a couple years, I know that you're talking about really dangerous people with dangerous ideology and dangerous motives. And so I do want to ask, have you been concerned about your physical safety?

Stripsaree: No. No, but I have been concerned about my livelihood.

Jessica: Okay. Is it your livelihood specific to this job, or it's just across the damn board?

Stripsaree: Across the damn board now, like just before I emailed you⁠—so, like [indiscernible 00:14:28] people, I work across multiple roles. And just before I emailed you, I found out that my contract at one of my other roles wasn't going to get renewed. And I've sort of been in this impasse with this other employer. And I got diagnosed with ADHD, like, two years ago. And I said, "Well, let's do a workplace assessment so I can let you know about how this impacts my role." Got the assessment, read it, drew his conclusions, and didn't read the recommendations in the way that I'd have hoped. And he was just like, "Okay. Cool. This is long. Bye."

And I think that there's a kind of tension there in that I think my relationship with him speaks a bit to what you're saying. There were things that I fundamentally didn't believe in that I didn't participate in, and I think it caused tension between us, alongside my performance, which kind of is a repeat issue. I tend to get into trouble and make mistakes and mess things up. That doesn't help in situations when you're trying to make an argument about morals.

Jessica: Okay. So I'm going to ask you to say the name of the person you're referring to and the company or publication or whatever it is that you work for.

Stripsaree: Yeah. So this newspaper is [redacted]. And the other guy that fired me, effectively, yesterday⁠—[redacted]. I wanted to go there because I wanted to develop my skills in this particular area. I think he had expectations I was going to come and be his Black best friend. I was going to bring my contacts. I was going to come to all the meetings and teach about diversity and cry about my problems and my health and my ADHD and racism. And I didn't want to do that.

But I think that that resistance in me has been growing in lots of ways in my relationships with lots of people. I've often been that person where it's just like, "Oh, I need this thing. I know someone. Oh, I need this thing. I've got this book," or, "Teach me about this thing in the world." And it's often to my own detriment. And I think a lot of my role in relationships has been changing because of that. My sense is that people see me and think, "Oh, she's really open and nice. Easy ride. Take it all." And increasingly, I've just been like, "I want some stuff for myself, and I don't like how this feels."

Jessica: Yeah. So there's a couple layers to this. The first one I want to name is, in your birth chart⁠—you Gemini, you⁠—you have a Sun/Jupiter conjunction in Gemini. And it's on your Descendant, so it's opposite your Ascendant. And what this means is you love being a yenta. You're like, "Let me give you a resource. Let me give you an idea. Let me carry your books." It's fun for you.

Stripsaree: It is. Yeah.

Jessica: You genuinely enjoy it. And when these transits that you're going through pass in a couple years, you are going to⁠—I'm sorry. I apologize. Did you notice how I muttered it because I didn't want ⁠—

Stripsaree: I did. I did. I saw the sly scratch of the head/look at the floor. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I saw.

Jessica: I'm so sorry.

Stripsaree: Okay. It's okay. It's okay.

Jessica: Yeah. When these transits pass, I think you're still going to be like, "Let me give you this idea. Let me connect you to this person. Let me help you create a vision," because you like being that person. The problem is this thing that is genuine about you that you really enjoy⁠—and that people enjoy about you, because this placement means people like you, that it is easy for you to make connections. Sorry. I won't fuck with your feeling that people don't like you, because listen. Uranus, Neptune, and Saturn in the first house in Capricorn⁠—you feel people don't like you. You feel like you're coming across weird. But that's not how other people feel about you, because you have a Sun/Jupiter conjunction on your Descendant.

People feel that maybe sometimes you're like this really gregarious person who is sometimes weird and shut down because of all that Capricorn stuff in the first. But you're very likable. And⁠—

Stripsaree: Thank you for naming that part of me that is just like, "I gotta go."

Jessica: Oh yeah. You shut down. And this is like⁠—

Stripsaree: Yeah. [crosstalk]

Jessica: No. Don't apologize. I mean, I don't know if you feel that this is part of the ADHD diagnosis. I mean, the Uranus, Neptune⁠—they are planets we look to for that complex or that diagnosis. But to me, what it's really about is you hit a layer of overwhelm, and you feel awkward, and you feel like you don't belong and you don't know what to do. And so you go into one of a few different behaviors as a way to manage those feelings. I'm not a psychologist, so I don't call that ADD or whatever. But I will say that that doesn't change that people feel comfortable with you overall. That doesn't change that people are like, "Yeah, she's going to come in and make everything feel good."

That is a part of your nature that on its own is fucking fantastic but in the context of all of these things we're talking about can actually work against you, especially if you are over-relying on it, which⁠—of course you are. Who wouldn't over-rely on people liking you and you being good at making connections? I mean, who wouldn't? That's a very high-functioning part of your nature. It's a very successful part of your nature. But what's happening now is Pluto is opposing your Mars, and Neptune is opposing your Moon.

When we go through oppositions⁠—transit by opposition⁠—they often get played out in one-on-one relationships. So it could be like my team against your team or me against you. And that's where we project out our issues. So the very broad strokes⁠—Neptune opposite the Moon is going to teach you emotional boundaries, and Pluto opposite Mars is going to teach you how to be in conflict. And the combo platter of the two is fucking boundaries and conflict. So ouch, and also, there's a larger reason for it, right? Because if you are a gregarious person who wants to help and help and help, if you don't have boundaries and you can't say, "Huh. Somebody's just stepped on my toe. That hurt. I'm going to tell them to get off my fucking toe"⁠—if you don't have that capacity, then that Sun/Jupiter conjunction has you burn yourself out on being helpful, burn yourself out on being supportive, and then what happens?

And then the rest of your chart kicks in, and all that fucking Capricorn stuff kicks in. We didn't even talk about your Venus/Chiron conjunction kicks in. And then you're just like, "I am being treated poorly." All of a sudden, you realize you're being treated poorly and it's unacceptable to you, whereas there is a way that you somewhat consciously co-create those dynamics with people because it works for you or because you don't know how to have those boundaries. You get value out of that dynamic for a period, and then that period ends.

Stripsaree: Yeah.

Jessica: And this is not about blaming you. It's about being able to identify how the hell this keeps on happening in the ways that are individual to you so that you have more agency because there are certain things you can't fix in therapy, but this actually is something that you can work with. And while it's not happening in your love life and it doesn't sound like it's happening with your besties, I imagine that there's elements of that, right?

Stripsaree: Ahh.

Jessica: Okay. So it is happening. So it is happening.

Stripsaree: It's been like every month, there's⁠—I've lost so many friends, or there's so many people I no longer feel like I want to be friends with. And I think sometimes there's a sense of like, after conflict, what do you do?

Jessica: Yeah. Okay.

Stripsaree: "I don't know if I've forgiven you. I don't know if I'm going to talk to you. I don't know how to move past this." Or if it's a relationship where there's always been an element of, like, "I can be mean to you," it's just like, how do I continue a love relationship with⁠—say, like, with my family. I don't know. You know?

Jessica: So let's talk about that. Your generation, with that Neptune/Uranus/Saturn conjunction, is⁠—it's such a difficult aspect to have been born with because it makes you feel like, "What is real? What is reality really?" This idea of your ethics is incredibly important, but I called it an idea because you can kind of, in your own thinking, undermine it by questioning it and seeing a million other ways that it could go. And this is like a generational thing. It's individual and specific to you, but it's not exclusive to you.

When this gets triggered⁠—and in your birth chart, that conjunction of those three planets is opposite Venus, which is conjunct Chiron, and all this shit is fucking intercepted. So what happens is you start off with classic Capricorn/Cancer polarity vibes in your intimate relationships because this is in the first and seventh houses. So the classic vibes are, "I do for you, you do for me, and that is love. I respect you, you respect me, and that is love." And so maybe I do more and you nurture more, or I nurture more and you do more, but that's essentially the equation. Does that resonate and make sense?

Stripsaree: It does, yeah. In some situations, yeah. I think at times, maybe I⁠—that first dynamic that you named of me enjoying that role and maybe self-identifying with that role more than I realize, that kind of Sun/Jupiter thingy⁠—

Jessica: Yep.

Stripsaree: ⁠—I think maybe I go into relationships being like, "If I give these things, if I'm here for you in this way, if I listen more, if I give you what I would like to have received myself, I will get that from you at some point."

Jessica: Okay.

Stripsaree: And then it doesn't happen. But I think it takes me a minute to be like, "Whoa. You've actually been [indiscernible 00:24:44] whole time."

Jessica: Yeah. Okay. So this is like nuance within astrology because in reality⁠—I'm telling you this aspect and that aspect, but really, it's all you. So it's like we're pulling apart fibers in your jumper. I said jumper. I'm very excited. I'm just pretending to be British. Okay. So here is where that "I'm going to help you, and it's going to be great. I'm going to feel good. You're going to feel good. Everything's going to be great"⁠—Sun/Jupiter. "I'm going to model the behavior for you that I want you to have with me. I'm going to show you how to take care of me"⁠—that's that Capricorn stuff.

So the motive of that Sun/Jupiter conjunction is not exclusively Sun/Jupiter conjunction. It's, "I know how to get my needs met. It's showing you. I'm modeling what it means to take care of a friend or to show up for a friend." So this is kind of how that shit plays out. And that doesn't work for you, period. So my guess is that your successful relationships⁠—and by successful, I don't mean without conflict. I want to be emphatically clear. Conflict is a part of honest relationships. You cannot be in an intimate relationship with somebody over the course of time and never have conflict with them, because each and every one of us has shit. And that's just life.

The key is that both parties are not actively disrespecting the other, unintentionally or intentionally, and that there is humility and care⁠—so care from the Cancer stuff and humility from the Capricorn stuff⁠—around how you listen to the other when shit comes up. And in your family of origin, because of that Venus/Chiron conjunction in the seventh⁠—intercepted in the seventh⁠—that doesn't really work. In your family of origin, if you really are emo and tenderhearted about what you feel and what you need, unfortunately, what can happen is that you get iced. It looks like you just get iced. And so the punishment is to be isolated, to not be nurtured, to just be kind of edged out. Does that make sense? Has that been your experience?

Stripsaree: That is my experience.

Jessica: Yeah. I'm sorry. And I will say that that experience teaches you don't say what you feel; don't say what you need unless you're dying, because it could cost you everything anyways. So it's better to soldier up; figure out a way to figure this out on your own. So, again, this is where it comes from. And with your family of origin, my sense is that your best move at this time is to adjust your expectations to be more realistic based on who they are because nobody's trying to heal and grow and evolve like you are in the family.

What that means is that what seems to you like a perfectly reasonable request would actually take a great deal of therapy and care and effort from them to change. And if you had more acceptance of "This is who they are," it would be easier to assess what expectations you can have. And you may assess, if you were being really realistic, that the expectations are you can talk about the weather and you can⁠—I don't know⁠—talk about a TV show or something, but probably, really intimate content doesn't make a lot of sense at this time.

I will say that this is not in any way a rejection of you. In your birth chart, what is exceptionally clear is that you are a loved child, that you are wanted and loved.

Stripsaree: Huh?

Jessica: Yeah. Well, I'm going to stand by that. I'm going to stand by that. The way that they express love and care doesn't feel like love or care to you, but that doesn't mean it isn't love and care.

Stripsaree: I hear that. I hear that.

Jessica: Your chart⁠—you don't get a Sun conjunction to Jupiter from not being a wanted child. You don't get that from not being loved. Your chart screams that your parents love you. Do they want to change you? Do they want you to be less yourself? Sure. Okay. Yes. But to them, that doesn't mean, "I don't love you." It just means normal.

Stripsaree: Yeah. Me and my mom didn't talk, like, half of last year because I think she's still in a place about me being a gay.

Jessica: Oh, being a gay.

Stripsaree: Being a gay.

Jessica: Does she whisper it, too?

Stripsaree: She said it doesn't bear speaking about, thinking about, or⁠—and I can't remember the last lyric. But I was like, "This could be a song."

Jessica: Yeah. It could. I like that you called it a lyric. That's very, very good of you. At the end of the day, I don't know that you can talk to her about anything real, honestly. I mean, I don't know that that's possible. And if you weren't a gay⁠—sorry. I really enjoy saying that. If you weren't a gay, I honestly think she would have a lot of criticisms of whatever man you chose to partner with.

Stripsaree: Yeah. Yeah. She would.

Jessica: This is just embarrassing because everyone can see it. So the criticisms may be equal, but the embarrassment wouldn't be equal, because this is like everyone knows you're a gay by meeting your partner or whatever. Also, you're not closeted?

Stripsaree: No.

Jessica: Yeah. Congratulations.

Stripsaree: Yeah. I feel like I've got two different lives. I've got my life, and then there's who I am when I go home, and I disappear for those few hours that I'm with my family.

Jessica: Yeah. And that's not sustainable. And I want to just really name for you⁠—this is so important, what I'm going to say. There is a difference between disappearing, which is what you're doing now, and making a decision to have boundaries with your family. It might, in some ways, on a material plane⁠—like if there was a drone in the room filming the whole thing⁠—look identical for you to have a boundary versus disappearing. But the motivation within you and your feelings and thoughts⁠—now, that would be radically different. Right now, you disappear because you don't actually consent to not showing up. You don't accept that your family⁠—it's not just your parents; it looks like it's your family⁠—do not share values with you. They immigrated here from somewhere else, right?

Stripsaree: My mother did. Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah. It looks like the values that they have from their own cultural backgrounds and upbringing are just not ever going to make sense to you. They're not going to resonate, and vice versa. On a personal level, that's heartbreaking, and I'm really sorry. And on a spiritual level, there's freedom in that, because it's not about you; it's about them.

I would say the same thing to them if they came and got a reading from me. It's like the way you are is not a response to them, which is what they think. They think you're doing it to them, right? It's you being you. And expecting them to be the ones who figure that out and honor it and respect it is unrealistic. It's unrealistic. If anyone's going to figure that out, it's going to be you. And you know what? You don't have to.

But if you do want a relationship with them, it's about accepting who they are and who they aren't and making a decision about the value that you do get from having an ongoing relationship, and only letting them in as much as you decide is safe and right for you. And this is, in a way, true with all these other topics we're talking about. Now, we're talking about something very, very deep around your family, and I want to stay with it. I want you to let me know in just one second if you have any kind of questions or things you want me to speak more to.

But I want to acknowledge that I've kind of veered away from talking about career, which seems like a very pressing and current issue. So I want to come back to that as well. But before I shift away, I want to ask you, yeah, is there anything with your family stuff that it would be helpful for me to speak to?

Stripsaree: I guess what my relationship with my siblings could look like.

Jessica: Your siblings look hard for you. And you have three? Two? I can't tell.

Stripsaree: Three.

Jessica: Three. Okay. So they're not all the same people, right? Is it the youngest one that's the most open-minded⁠—

Stripsaree: Yes.

Jessica: ⁠—or is it the middle one? Okay. It's the youngest one. Okay.

Stripsaree: It's the youngest one.

Jessica: So I think that a relationship with that sibling is⁠—I don't think you really need advice about it. You can have conversations. It's not completely easy, but it's not what you're asking me about. It's the other two. And is that a girl and a boy?

Stripsaree: The youngest is a girl, and the other two are boys.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. Is one of them gay as well?

Stripsaree: Not that they've told me, but I wouldn't be surprised.

Jessica: Okay. So you know which one I'm talking about? You know which one that feels like the gay brother?

Stripsaree: Potentially. Potentially. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Say their first names.

Stripsaree: Both of my brothers?

Jessica: Mm-hmm.

Stripsaree: [redacted] and [redacted].

Jessica: Okay. So it's the first one that has a gay vibe, yeah?

Stripsaree: Whoa.

Jessica: No?

Stripsaree: Jessica, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It would make a whole bag of sense, but whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, Jessica, you're really seeing things. Wow. Okay. Talk to me. Talk to me. Talk to me. Tell me more. Tell me more.

Jessica: Is that not the brother you thought?

Stripsaree: No. It's not who I was thinking about [indiscernible 00:34:43]. I'm going to be quiet. I want to listen.

Jessica: No, it's good. So is that brother that I named the more conservative one?

Stripsaree: Uh-huh.

Jessica: All right. I think he's hiding from himself.

Stripsaree: This is wild. That being said, if I were to write the biopic of my family, this would be a great season 5.

Jessica: Okay. Great. And I would watch it. I would watch it. Okay. So, therefore, he is someone unreachable.

Stripsaree: Hey. I didn't think it was for that reason. Okay. Whoa.

Jessica: Mm-hmm. When you're lying to yourself and someone walks in not lying to themselves, they are offensive to you.

Stripsaree: Yes.

Jessica: Yeah.

Stripsaree: Damn. I⁠—whoa.

Jessica: Does that give you a little more empathy for him?

Stripsaree: I have always had empathy for him, in a way, because we have the same dad, and he's the one who embodies that first thing that you said in my chart. And so there's a kind of shared experience that we have, and I really understand that. And I get him. It just doesn't make it easier to handle what he throws at me, you know?

Jessica: Correct. Yeah. Yeah. I do. And I'm sorry. And the advice I can give you is to accept that he is who he is, and you don't know his reasons, and you can't know his reasons. And so figuring out a relationship where you're like, "Oh, that's him being him. That's just him being him," and not personalize it because he is a hot mess with this stuff. The other brother, I could see maybe he's got more feminine characteristics, but it feels like he's more like⁠—I don't even know if this is a word anymore, but more metrosexual, not Queer. I don't get a sense that he's Queer. I get the sense that he's just a little more modern with his expression of his gender and all that kind of stuff.

He's a 50/50, this other brother. He just feels like a guy⁠—like on his own would not be a huge problem. It's on his own in context of your family where he's more difficult to deal with because he always takes the path of least resistance or the path that gives him the most power.

Stripsaree: Wow. You really just⁠—wow. If that was a flavor of Ribena, that would be him. Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Thank you. Yeah. So I will say that maybe closeted gay⁠—doesn't even accept that he's gay, just to be clear⁠—brother is the most dangerous one to you simply because you are threatening to him. You are threatening to him. He finds offense where you're like, "What?" because he's been holding it in, holding it in, holding it in.

Stripsaree: Yeah. And I'm very scared about his mental health because he shakes and gets anxious. And there's, like, anxiety⁠—

Jessica: He's going to snap. It feels like he's going to snap. Yeah. I mean, I think he's very gay, not a little Queer or bisexual. I feel like he's very gay. Does he have girlfriends?

Stripsaree: Yeah.

Jessica: Poor women. I mean, listen. A lot of gay people have straight relationships. That's not uncommon. I think, as hard as it is for you to be gay in your family, it would be harder for one of your brothers.

Stripsaree: Oh yeah.

Jessica: Yeah.

Stripsaree: Whoa. Okay.

Jessica: Yeah. I don't know that he will ever come out. And listen. I could be wrong, but⁠—you know.

Stripsaree: I don't think you are.

Jessica: I don't think I am either. We like to hold space for nobody knows. We hold space for nobody knows, and⁠—okay. So that's your siblings. Your brothers are your brothers, and they're brothers. It's really focus on the parents because the siblings will all kind of fall in line. Nobody's taking a stand for you, though. Let's just accept that. That's not happening, and it's for really obvious reasons.

No one wants to get the attention you get. And in particular, now that you're going through these transits, for sure, no one is going to want to get the attention you get because the Neptune opposition to the Moon will often put you in demoralizing circumstances where you're like, "What do I do? I can't even do anything here." And the Pluto opposition to Mars makes you furious , really, really angry, and embroiled in conflict.

So that brings us right around to career. Ground me into what would be the most helpful thing for me to give you advice about, help you with, talk about, whatever.

Stripsaree: Yes. I'm just trying to figure out, what am I here for? Why am I here, Jessica?

Jessica: Is that all? That's an easy, easy answer. No problem. Let's say you stay in your industry. You stay, in some capacity, in your industry, right? Hold on for just a moment.

I think you can do it. I think you can leverage the experience that you've just had in your job or jobs and stay in this industry and get another gig somewhere else that is equal but different from where you've been. I actually think you can. I don't know if you want to, but I think you can.

But again, coming back to this larger question around conflict⁠—like, how do you have conflict and stay in a relationship? It's, in part⁠—the easiest way for me to say this is not personalizing other people's behavior, but what I'm really trying to communicate is if I say to you, "Choose the healthiest path. Stay with your feelings," to a certain extent, you're like, "Oh, that's great advice, Jessica." And to another extent, you're like, "Oh, that's Jessica being Jessica. Big surprise. Jessica wants me to heal. Jessica wants me to stay with my emotions," right? Realistically, you know, you consider the source, right?

I use myself as an example because⁠—easy, right? But the same thing is true with people that you have conflict with. A lot of times, when people show their ass, it's because that's their fucking ass. It's a very American way of putting it. Bear with me.

Stripsaree: I'm with it.

Jessica: Okay. Good. Okay. Good. So it's not because of you. It's because of them, and now what are you going to do about it? And in some situations, like with friends that you've had conflict with recently, it may be, "I need to say to this person, "Ouch. That hurt my feelings. That didn't feel cool to me. And I love you. I like you. I want to be your friend. And also, ouch."

Stripsaree: So I think I've really forcibly been practicing that. But I tell people these things, and then they get real mad at me.

Jessica: Of course they do.

Stripsaree: Like whoa, big rage mad.

Jessica: Yes.

Stripsaree: And then mean, and then attacking me. And I'm like, "Ow. My tender heart. Why?"

Jessica: Okay. So having boundaries doesn't mean people respect them. Having boundaries means people show you who they are when you have boundaries. And people who don't have boundaries or people who have had long relationships with you where you've never had boundaries are always going to respond poorly to boundaries. Having boundaries doesn't mean people respect your boundaries. Having boundaries means you respect your boundaries. There is a difference.

So, when a friend is big mad, gets mean⁠—if that's their first-level response and then they double down on it, well, then you know who they are. Then you know how far you can take this relationship. And maybe that means they're fired. Maybe that means that they're demoted from the tier of friendship that they held. And when you fire a friend, sometimes you need to say to them, "We are through. This is done. Goodbye." And sometimes you just need to gently and nicely kind of push them gently kind of down a slide to the next tier, not jump down the stairs to the next tier. That is for you to decide, right?

But when it comes to boundaries⁠—and I think this is one of the hardest parts of boundaries. When it comes to boundaries, we have to maintain our own boundaries. We alone are responsible for our boundaries. And within that, we often will need to make assessments of, "If I'm going to maintain my own boundaries, I can't have this person in my life in an intimate way, because if this person was in my life in an intimate way, I would be constantly in conflict over baseline foundational differences of opinion about what is appropriate to do to a friend."

Because of the transits you're in and because you've not had boundaries before, if I may be so bold as to say⁠—

Stripsaree: I'm not going to argue. I'm not going to argue.

Jessica: No. Why would you? I mean, come on. Come on. Yeah. So, because of these things, yeah, you're going to have a hard time with boundaries during this period, for fucking sure. And that doesn't mean you're doing the wrong thing.

Stripsaree: I think there is this energy where, when I allow myself to be myself and I'm confident, especially at work, I often end up in this dynamic where I think people think I think I'm better than them.

Jessica: Okay. Two things. Let me jump in on that. You have a Sun/Jupiter conjunction. You do sometimes think you're better than them. Am I wrong? Are we wrong? Is this a lie?

Stripsaree: I guess not.

Jessica: Uh-huh. So one can have⁠—and I wouldn't really understand this if I wasn't an astrologer. That's right. It's true. We can laugh at it⁠—is that you can be dealing with debilitating insecurity and think you're better than people at the same time. Sorry.

Stripsaree: That makes me messy.

Jessica: Yeah. It makes everyone messy, honey. Every single one of us is messy. And you do struggle with debilitating insecurity. You struggle with awkwardness, which you hate. You struggle with boundaries. And also, you think you're better than a lot of people and smarter than a lot of people a lot of the time. You think your way is the best way a lot of the time. They're both true. Because they're existing at the same time, what happens is the insecurity can come off as defensive, or the confidence can come off as defensive. And how do you react to defensive people? You think, "What the fuck is wrong with them? Why are they fighting me? Why do they think they're better than me?" Whatever it is.

The key is to cultivate a sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance about how you do think your way is the best way and that you're smarter than people a lot. And if you kind of have a little more self-acceptance around that and a little more self-awareness about that, then you don't need to always say it with your chest, because at work, that's going to get conflicts regardless of the milieu, regardless of the content. Especially if you're not a cis white man, it's just going to get conflict, right? And so being able to own how you feel and what you perceive and, at the same time, not need to show it⁠—

Stripsaree: Yeah. Yeah. It's like stuff struggles to come out, and then it comes out wrong or I shut down and disappear, and then it's awkward.

Jessica: It comes out in a rush. Yeah. It comes out in a rush because you're so busy trying to hold it back. Again, you are 33 years old. You are very young. I know it feels that you're very old, but you're very young. Your adult life has not even been 14 years. And you're very much an adult human, and also, it's okay that⁠—it's not just okay; it's appropriate that you're at this place where you're like, "Huh. I have all these parts. Shit. How do I synthesize? How do I figure out how to navigate this?" because other people see your power. Other people see your confidence even if you don't see it.

And so part of what I think navigating the world is is figuring out, like, "Oh shit. This is how people perceive me," even if it's not your identity, because then you can leverage it. It just takes a level of acceptance. So a lot of what we're talking about is acceptance. If you're going to have boundaries, you have to accept that other people are going to be like, "Those boundaries are mean. Those boundaries are trampling upon my boundaries." And your job is to listen and to be like, "Okay. This person is saying the opposite of what is true. Shit. I can't trust this person," or listen and be like, "This person is full of shit, except for they're right about this one thing. I can own that, and it doesn't mean I can trust this person."

Things are allowed to be messy. I wish that things⁠—Virgo Moon. You have a fucking Virgo Moon, so you want there to be a truth, and you want that truth to be perfect and pure and clean. No. That's not life, unfortunately. And when you asked me this question about, "Well, what am I supposed to do?" I can tell you this isn't the time to figure out what to do with your life in that particular way, because you're going through a Neptune transit, which, by the way⁠—you were going through it May through August of 2022. And then it kicks back on March 13th of '23, and you're in it until May 30th of 2025. Yeah.

So I want you to go back and look at what was going on May through August of last year. And I want to say that this is not a good time to change the course of your life, because you're not clear. It's teaching you boundaries. A great way to learn boundaries is by being unclear and being, like, floopy. And so what I want to ground you into is, if right now what you want is to continue to do the work you've been doing⁠—which it kind of looks like it is for now. Is that correct?

Stripsaree: Yeah. I just don't feel very good at it, and I think this ADHD thing⁠—I'm [indiscernible 00:48:41] with time. Do you know what I mean?

Jessica: Yes. Yeah.

Stripsaree: Yeah. There's lots of ways I'm not an efficient roadrunner in this way. And if you're not an efficient roadrunner and you have lots of big thoughts about the world and you want to change things, a lot of people are just like, "You're holding things up. You're getting on my nerves. Go away. What do you mean, you want extra time? What you mean, you have time-processing issues? Get out."

Jessica: So okay. Now, obviously, you have a diagnosis. I am sure that there is a huge amount of protocols for supporting you around time management, but⁠—are there not?

Stripsaree: No.

Jessica: Oh. That's ridiculous. So I'm going to give you a couple pieces of advice around this, okay? One, Sun/Jupiter conjunction⁠—not good at time. "It'll be fine. It'll only take me five minutes to do this," and then you're, like, an hour later⁠—yeah. That is a problem of optimism.

Stripsaree: Okay.

Jessica: So, when it comes to projects in general, if you think it's going to take 5 minutes, schedule 25 as a minimum. That's the rule. And I'll tell you I have given this advice to countless Geminis in my career, okay? Countless Geminis. Not even Geminis with a Sun/Jupiter conjunction, just⁠—because your mind is moving at a million miles an hour, so you think, of course, everything else will. No. That's not the same. So, if you think it's going to take 5 minutes, you add 20 minutes. If you think the project is going to take three months, assume it'll take five. It is better to come in early than to come in late. So that's one thing.

The other thing is, if you're going to be scheduling, I would, first of all, make up a fake name for it. You don't want a schedule. So, instead, time-snapping. You're welcome to use time-snap. Come up with a time-snap that is visual⁠—color-coded and visual. You do well with a big-ass board that everything that's pink is⁠—

Stripsaree: [laughter]

Jessica: Okay. So you've done this before? Okay.

Stripsaree: I've literally been googling "stick-on whiteboard" so I can put it all on the wall. Yeah.

Jessica: Yes. Yes. So there's a lot of ways you could do this. You could get a chalkboard paint that's clear, and then you could use different-colored chalk. It's not great for asthma, so it's not great for your lungs. So don't do that. You could use a million different-colored Post-it notes⁠—not great for the environment but works really well. Then you're storyboarding a thing. Or you can get a dry-erase board. All of these things work great. And it's just committing that when you use a blue pen or a blue sticky note or whatever it is, blue always means it's a rush. When it's a yellow, it's, "I have to innovate. I have to create ideas." When it's administrative, it's always pink or whatever.

That color-coding really works. It helps you to organize your thoughts because you're not always going to your analytic processor; you're going to your sense impression processor, which is easier access for you, right?

Stripsaree: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jessica: And so I would recommend doing those two things. And I want to say that within this, your chart is the chart of someone who runs late. You're a little weirdly magical about time. "There will be more time. Of course, there will be more time." But also, you do get shit done. You get shit done well. I think that there are things that you can do to better support yourself around how your brain works and how you relate to time.

And I also think, yeah, some people show up for every appointment early. Some people show up for every appointment on time. Some people show up for every appointment late. And then there's people who are all over the map. Yeah. You're all over the map, right? You're not always late or always early. You're kind of all over the map.

Stripsaree: I run on the map that is always late.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. Every job will⁠—

Stripsaree: My girlfriend⁠…

Jessica: Oh no.

Stripsaree: She's just looking exasperated.

Jessica: Okay. So you're always late.

Stripsaree: She's like, "This fool is always late."

Jessica: Always late. Okay. Good to know. Good to know. I think you're late when you're comfortable enough to be late.

Stripsaree: The way that the nurse who did my dyslexia diagnosis described it⁠—she was like, "There is one part of your brain that works very quickly and the other part that is running to catch up. And it's just like, what is going on, Chicken Little?" [crosstalk]

Jessica: Yeah. I mean, that makes sense. I mean, again, you've got Mercury in Taurus, which is a slow processor. It's a plodding processor. Again, I'm not going to promise you you can become someone who is easy with time and time management, but you can certainly improve upon it if it's important to you for whatever path you take with work. I will say navigating conflict and boundaries is your work now. And so getting a job that you feel good about doing is, of course, very important, partially because you have to keep on buying cute jumpers and partially because it would be great to continue to make an impact in the way you do.

I will say that Pluto is forming a trine to your Mercury, which is fucking glorious. It's a great transit. It's great for working in media. It's great for communications. It's a very supportive transit that is happening at the same time as these challenging transits. Also, Neptune is trining your Mars. So you have support.

I actually think that if you stay with this work, you will continue to have terrible experiences with people that make you feel like, "Oh my God. I can't have boundaries because here are all the consequences." But if you stick with the work and not take people showing their ass to you as a sign that there's something wrong with you, but instead a sign that, "Oh, this is who this person is. I'm just seeing them clearly now," that it will help.

But hold on. I'm [turning to tarot 00:54:29]. I am being shown two things. You will continue to be incredibly stressed out and anxious about this, and it looks like you will get and be able to maintain a job that is true enough to you and that pays the bills.

Stripsaree: Okay.

Jessica: From my mouth to God's ears, I'm knocking on wood, but that is what I'm seeing. But again, I don't see your anxiety going away about it. I don't know if that's in part just because the industry you work in kind of puts you in hustle mode because you're a contractor. But how you feel and what is happening are not always the same thing. And right now, unfortunately, how you feel and what's happening are really kind of in the same bucket, but I think that that's going to shift. Again, knocked on wood.

Now, do you have any kind of final question?

Stripsaree: So many. I guess talk about writing, and I guess I was very curious about how you see that in my chart.

Jessica: You have this Mercury in Taurus. It's at the anaretic degree. It is square to your North Node, also at an anaretic degree. It is trine to your Moon. You are excellent at processing with words. You are a really great, if not slow, writer. You write with your values, which I have a total boner for. I'm a big fan of that. You have a lot to say, and because this Mercury is in your sixth house, you could have a job saying it. I mean, there is a way in which you're already doing that. I mean, you're not writing like in a traditional sense, but you are framing what to say and how to say it, right?

Stripsaree: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: I think that that could shift to more writing. You have a lot to say, and when you find your words and you say it⁠—you speak it; you write it⁠—it's always incredibly powerful. Let your girlfriend say that's not true.

Stripsaree: She's in the back with her bonnet, nodding, like, "Yeah. Tell her." Yeah. I'm just very⁠—my words get stuck, which I guess you articulated [indiscernible 00:56:47].

Jessica: Yep. Yep. They're slow to come. Taurus is fucking plodding. And people hear this, and there's such a negative connotation. But astrology⁠—it's related to nature. Taurus is a cow. It's not like a cow; I know it's a fucking insult in the UK. But if you actually look at the animal, they are slow-moving, tender, communal animals.

Slow doesn't mean not bright. I fucking hate that people associate slow with not bright. Slow is just a pace of processing. You are fixed earth. Fixed earth grows⁠—that means you grow something slow. I mean, my backyard⁠—I don't know if you're a gardener at all. It's like the dirt back here is clay, so things take a minute to come through. But that doesn't mean that the growth isn't beautiful. It doesn't mean that I don't have yield. It just sometimes takes a minute to come through the density of that earth.

And I think in this fucking world we live in where it's constant, constant, constant content, if your processing style is slow, people are like, "Keep up. What are you doing? Keep up. What are you doing?" which I think is fucking terrible for everyone's mental health⁠—everyone's mental health, even people like me who are constantly fast in the way that I think. The key for you is to give yourself permission to be who you are and how you are as the foundation for trying to figure out what to do next. Don't try to work around who you are. And if you want to write, I do encourage you to write. But it's really about what you feel more comfortable with. But it doesn't have to happen this year, because again, Neptune.

It's about exploring things instead of seeking the answer. Neptune doesn't give us a fixed-point answer, but it does give us a lot of creative and spiritual energy with which to explore.

Stripsaree: Thank you.

Jessica: It is my pleasure, and it is such a joy to get to do this waiting for you.

Stripsaree: Yeah. I was really so grateful and, yeah, a bit⁠—me and my Sun/Jupiter conjunction are speechless.

Jessica: That's exciting. I'm going to take that as an exciting thing, actually.

Stripsaree: That's a compliment. We are humbled.

Jessica: Yeah. I love that. I absolutely love that.

[feigned horn sound] I'm not very good at making announcement sounds with my mouth, but forgive me because I do have an announcement, and it is relevant to everyone who enjoys Ghost of a Podcast weekly because we're making a change to the pod. And it's this: instead of getting one episode weekly, as of February 22nd, you are going to get two episodes of Ghost of a Podcast published weekly. So here's what we're doing, but before I tell you all the details, just make sure you hit Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts because, that way, you don't have to think about this. You will get an alert every time a new episode drops.

But here's the deal. On Wednesday, the 22nd of February, 2023, we are going to be dropping a reading. And every Wednesday after that, we are going to be dropping the same reading that you hear at the start of the podcast on Wednesdays. And then, on Sunday, same time, same place, you get your same horoscope. So, if you're somebody who likes to listen to the whole episode together, no problem. Don't listen on Wednesday. Listen to them back-to-back on Sunday. And if you are like me and you're constantly struggling for time, you can now listen to each section on their own whenever is convenient for you.

I'm hoping that you enjoy this change, and I trust that you will let me know if you do or don't. So stay tuned. Everything's going to stay the same except, starting on the 22nd, every Wednesday, you're going to get a reading, and every Sunday, you're going to get a horoscope. And it's going to be divine. Trust me⁠—or don't, and disagree with me. I'm down for respectful and spirited disagreements.

Okay. So, before we get into your horoscope, which has a lot going on, I want to take a moment to acknowledge this thing. You've probably not heard of it⁠—very obscure topic. It's COVID-19, a little airborne pandemic. Okay. So, here in the U.S., there is an average of around⁠—give or take⁠—500 human deaths per day just in the U.S. from COVID. That is approximately 3,680 people per week and approximately 14,728 human lives lost per month in the U.S. alone. And that says absolutely nothing of long COVID, which has made millions of people immune compromised and brought about a host of health issues which we don't fully understand and have not fully played themselves out.

We want to keep in mind that COVID is a novel virus. That means it is new. We have not dealt with it before. And so we do not know the long-term implications of getting a single infection, let alone multiple infections. And I just want to remind you of this as governments seem to be losing their damn minds and throwing away precautions, and society seems to be moving along with them. But the burden of remaining masked to protect others should not fall on the immune compromised. It should not fall on the most medically vulnerable amongst us. It shouldn't. And whether you consider yourself liberal or progressive or spiritual or humanistic, it is hard to really be any of those things and not put your actions behind it.

You may be the only one doing it. I know it's hard to be the only one out. I know how frustrating it feels to be in public spaces with just loads of people who are not masked and you are. It's still the right thing to do even if everyone else is not doing it. And if you're anything like me, you can find a way to make it cute, and that makes it a little easier to bear. Personally, me⁠—and it's just me⁠—I'm a fan of a lanyard, a little thing that I can attach to my mask so I can take it off and on with ease and I don't have to track where I put it. And my lanyards are neon. I'm a fan of neons, so I like to make it cute with a neon lanyard that may or may not match my glasses and my shoes. And I just pair it with a simple black KF94, and I find that to be just part of my aesthetic now.

That approach might work for you. You do you. But I want to encourage you to remember that as we each do our own individual thing in life, when it comes to something like an airborne pandemic, we can't separate our individual choices from the collective. We cannot separate our individual wellness from the wellness of others. We cannot trust corporations or governments or positive thinking to save us. It is our actions that save us. We save us. So I want to invite you to put that mask back on. Shift up your approach, maybe your attitude. Don't worry about what other people are doing. I know it's exhausting. I know it's annoying. But mask up.

Okay. Now that you've endured that public service announcement, let's get astrological. We are looking at the week of February 5th through the 11th of 2023. And we start off strong with a Full Moon at 10:29 a.m. Pacific Time. We have the Sun at 16 degrees and 40 minutes of Aquarius, and the Moon exactly opposite that at 16 degrees and 40 minutes of Leo. A Full Moon in Leo is just going to be a little extra, right? We know a Moon in Leo is just a time for dramatic emotions to come to the surface, but let's look underneath the hood of that, all right?

Why does Leo equal dramatic? It's because Leo is a fire sign. So things rush. Just think about the function of fire when you light a match or you burn something down. It can be engulfing and consuming, but it's also fixed energy. And so it's a stubborn fire, a fire that will not comply to any amount of water, fire extinguisher, or earth trying to put it out. So this is why we say Leo can be so dramatic: because it is powerful and self-directed, pretty fixed in its function, which can be engulfing, which can be overpowering or just straight-up powerful.

So, when we are dealing with a Full Moon in Leo, we are often dealing with powerful and compelling emotions either from ourselves or others in situations in the world, in our personal life, what have you. Now, you already know this, probably, but Full Moons bring our emotions to the surface. They bring them up and so that the Sun⁠—a.k.a. identity, your will, what you kind of tend to lead with, what most of us tend to lead with⁠—is in opposition to our feelings, our needs, our wants, our desires⁠—the Moon.

This can bring up a lot of drama, and as we know, it often does. And that drama can be an emotional crisis about not having a parking space in front of the place that you live. It can be something really⁠—you know, it's a big deal, it affects your day, but it's not that big a deal. Or it can be something that is transformational within your life. In order to kind of try to predict what camp this Full Moon is going to fall in for you, again, you want to see if you have anything that will get directly aspected by the zodiac sign of Aquarius or Leo⁠—of course, the Full Moon is Leo⁠—at around 17 degrees or 16 degrees and 40 minutes, or 41 minutes. Okay?

But the big news here is not just that this is a Full Moon in Leo. It's that the Sun and Moon both form a square to Uranus. And so there's an aspect pattern called a T-square. You've probably heard me talk about it before on the pod. A T-square is when you have two or more planets that are sitting opposite each other, and they all form a 90-degrees angle, a.k.a. a square, to a third planet. In this case, we've got Uranus at 15 degrees of Taurus forming a T-square to this Full Moon, and that is the headline news, my friends. That is the headline news. And it is so important because it radically changes what we can expect from this Full Moon.

Now, I gotta say as a hot aside, I get so many questions from you, my beloved listeners, who want to know something about your lives; you want a personal reading. And this is what your questions say. They say⁠—in a million different ways, but they say, "I'm in a burning building. What can I do? What can I take? What does my chart say"⁠—fill in the blanks there⁠—"so that I don't get too hot?" To that, I say if you know you're unhappy and you know you're unhappy because of the things that you are doing routinely, like being in a relationship, having a job, having a state of mind or whatever habits, the thing that will change how you feel is what you do.

There is no magic bullet. There's no perfect insight from astrology that will change the consequences of your choices. The cool thing about this Full Moon and its T-square to Uranus is that it is all about changing your choices, changing what you do, having a shift in attitude⁠—because sometimes that's what's needed⁠—or a shift in conduct, shift in behavior. Now, this whole T-square is fixed energy. So this isn't going to come easy.

We may really feel challenged in this Full Moon. But the placement of Uranus tells us that we are being challenged to expand our perspective and try something new, to shift our attitude, our behavior, our narrative, and to not be so concerned about what other people are saying or doing or thinking or projecting onto you or whatever else⁠—basically, to go the way of Uranus, which is the way of eccentricity and individuation.

Uranus is electrical energy, which means that it often disrupts our nervous systems. And even more simply put, it can make you feel fucking anxious or distracted or kind of all over the place. And that can be, actually, a good thing or a bad thing. It doesn't have to be either, but it can be something that is stressful for your mental health, especially because emotions are running high because it's a Full Moon, or it could actually be exactly what you need to be like, "Fuck this. I'm just going to make a change," or, "This isn't worth it. I am going to shift my perspective," whatever it is, because you can't always change the situation.

Sometimes the things that are upsetting to you are out of your control. But you can change your perspective. You can change your narrative. You can locate your own agency and free will to orient yourself in such a way that you can see what you're getting out of the compromises you're making in the short term so it's easier for you to tolerate them as you move towards something better in the long term. Right? Right. Okay.

So the function of this New Moon is likely to bring about surprises, the unexpected, potentially accidents, things that are explosive and upsetting. Now, that could be stimulating and exciting and dynamic and thrilling and bring about innovation and shift, again, in perspective, or it can just be like, "Holy shit. Everything is being burned to the ground. What do I do?" and everything in between.

But Uranus is not a planet with a whole lot of chill. It's like, "Let's get this done." Uranus governs the internet. Uranus governs electricity. Uranus is all about quick connections, bright ideas. And so be open-minded. If somebody says something and you find yourself instantly defensive about it, there's something valuable there. And that value depends on what the thing was and who you are, yada, yada, but the value is worth exploring because there's something to learn. And that's something that Uranus brings us, is the opportunity to learn.

Now, you may want to make a major change, and this might be the perfect time to do that. However, whenever it comes to Uranus, I like to apply the 72-hour rule. If you, on this Full Moon, are like, "I'm going to break up with them," "I'm going to leave the job," "I'm going to"⁠—whatever⁠—"dye my hair green," cool. Sit with it for 72 hours, not so that you lose the energy⁠—so I'm not saying sit with it for three weeks. I'm saying just make sure that you're not just reacting to Uranus. You want to be, yes, sure, reacting to the stimulation of Uranus, but you also want to be enacting clarity of purpose, clarity of intention. You want to make sure that you're not acting at cross-purposes of your emotional needs, because again, it's a damn Full Moon.

This Full Moon, honestly, I think, has a lot of dynamic and exciting energy about it. And also, it's going to be really rough on a lot of people's nervous system. So put shit in place. If you're a herby witch, then get your nervines in order. Sniff your lavender pouch. Do what you need to do. If you are somebody who tends to over-schedule yourself or you just have a really busy life, expect curveballs. And when the curveballs come, be like, " Oh, wow. Astrology works. That's cool," and try not to take it too personally.

And try not to panic too much because, again, Uranus governs our nervous system. And on Full Moons, all of our emotions come to the surface. And so, often, we will emotionally react disproportionate to a situation because it's all the feelings you've been repressing all month long. So do your best to be like, "Okay. I knew this was coming. Astrology, thank you." And try to kind of pace yourself through your reaction so that you can respond with greater intention.

Now, there's a couple other things that are important for me to name within this Full Moon chart. Jupiter and Chiron are sitting very close to each other in Aries. So we have this theme of body autonomy and embodiment that is running through the world right now. And so we can expect, unfortunately, further attacks on body autonomy. So we want to pay attention to the news. We want to pay attention to the world and do our best to be empathetic and proactive community members.

When it comes to your own wellness, you may be dealing with really intense issues related to your relationship to being in a body, to being here now. And honestly, it's a great time for coping with it. It's a great time for coming into realizations about it. So, if that resonates with you, this transit⁠—you know, these Aries planets⁠—are probably hitting something in your chart. And Jupiter really helps us to move through things, to have the largesse of spirit or perspective that we can make progress, which is great news for Chiron. Now, this transit can go in a very different direction as well. However, let's focus on the positive for this one little guy here, okay?

Now, something else for me to name is that Mars is sitting trine to Uranus and sextile to the Moon. This further empowers us to be brave, which is great. Unfortunately, it also further compels us to be impulsive, and it can kind of bolster that fixed energy confidence. So, again, you just want to make sure you're breathing. You want to make sure you're pacing yourself. And if you rush headlong into something and put your foot in your mouth or do something that maybe was not the best thing, there's always this little thing I like to call humility. You can own what you've done. Saying sorry is cool when you've done something wrong, but what's even better is being like, "I take ownership of what I did and the consequences that it created. Here's what I can do next. Here's what I can try to do next." It's a little shift, but it is a really powerful one.

And for better or worse, we have Mercury and Pluto sitting close to each other. They're not yet conjunct. That happens later in the week. But that Full Moon is going to activate that transit a lot more intensely. Now, the Mercury/Pluto conjunction in Capricorn tends to have us fixate on our pain points. It can have us say things harsher, more intensely than we might otherwise. It can shift our thinking to a paranoid, resentful, or defensive perspective. So, again, you want to pay attention to that. And I'm going to say more about that transit in a moment, but I will say something very positive about it.

This transit happening with this lunation is actually potentially good news because what it does is it empowers us as individuals to go deeper in our thinking, to not skip over the uncomfortable parts, to not gloss over the need for change and pretend it isn't there. That Pluto/Mercury conjunction empowers us to think deeply on a thing, get to the heart of a matter, have a conversation even if it's challenging⁠—to go deep, basically. So don't be scared of the truth. The truth is true whether you like it or not, whether you acknowledge it or not. So you might as well deal with it because it's going to wait for you one way or another, in some nook or cranny of your psyche or your life. You know? You know.

Okay. So last thing I'm going to say about this Full Moon is I know a lot of people are Full Moon witchy woo and love to do manifestation work. Manifesting on a Full Moon⁠—not the greatest idea. We want to release on a Full Moon and call in on a New Moon. So that's first of all. Second of all, the seeds that we plant during this Full Moon are likely to perform oddly. Uranus is unexpected. It's surprises. It's shit coming in from left field. So I don't encourage doing any kind of spiritual work that is geared towards cultivating security or stability⁠—any kind of security, any kind of stability⁠—because Uranus will fight you on that. And a fight between you and Uranus⁠—I think you're going to lose.

So, if you want to work with the energy, this is a great time for releasing the blocks, conscious or unconscious, that are in your way. This is a good time for unburdening yourself of the habits on whatever level that have kept you from being free within yourself. Those are the things that Uranus wants for us. But not a good time for generating any kind of security or stability, so save that for a different lunation, okay?

And if you're like, "That's really annoying. That's what I want to do," okay. Do it. You don't have to do it with the Moons. It's not necessary. It's cool. It can be really great to have that as a structure that you work with. But not all lunations are good for that. And if there's something that you're really clear that you're trying to call into your life that is security-oriented or stability-oriented, great. Do it any other day⁠—not any other day, but don't do it today, okay? Just trust me on this. Don't do it today. Okay. So that's the Full Moon. Really good for changing, evolving. I love it.

On the 6th, we have a Mercury sextile to Neptune that will be exact. This is a fantastic transit because it stimulates our ability to make connections with empathy and creativity⁠—delightful, right? If you're a writer or any kind of a creative, artsy type, beautiful. Beautiful transit for you. If you are just somebody who's been like, "Oh my God. This is too much. My nervous system is taking too much of a hit," this transit will help you take a nap. It will help you relax. If you can get your body into a little bit of nature, if you can put yourself in some water, that's chef's kiss. That's the best-case scenario here.

Mercury sextile to Neptune is a great time for saying "I'm sorry" if you gotta say it, for really listening to other people. It's a great transit for learning, but not just learning with your noggin⁠—learning with your heart. It's a lovely transit, great for spiritual connection.

Now, on the 7th, we have another lovely sextile. It's a Venus sextile to Uranus. This transit is great for relationships. It's great for making connections, and those connections being both stabilizing but also validating of your individuality. So this transit is great for creative connections, and those creative connections can occur romantically, platonically, creatively in terms of collaborations, and also in relationship to your looks, your gender, your sense of cuteness.

And I just have to say as a hot aside, if you're somebody who's on social media a lot, it is so important that you diversify what you see so it's not just people who look like whatever corporations are selling us right now, and it's not just people who look like you, but it's diverse, because one of the things that Venus teaches us is how much we impression aesthetically on others. So, when I talk about the way people look, I'm not just talking about their bodies. I'm talking about the way they talk and their values. It's important to have an expanded sense of what it means to be a person and a person in a body. And if you're like, "Oh shit. That's a good idea. I haven't done that," this is the week.

And I guess the last thing I'll say about this is if you have a meet cute on or around the 7th, really lean into it. Really lean into it because the Venus sextile to Uranus can absolutely just find you having a very cute flirtation⁠—platonic, romantic, whatever⁠—with somebody. So I don't know. That's nice, right? Who doesn't want that?

So, unless you got too comfortable thinking it was all good news all week long, I got a little kick in the gooch for you. And it comes on the 10th, where Mercury and Pluto meet exactly. So the conjunction that I mentioned between Mercury and Pluto is happening at 29 degrees of Cap. To be specific, it's at 28 degrees and 58 minutes of Capricorn. So we're nice anaretic degree stuff over here, okay?

This is a transit that will intensify your thinking and your communications. So that can look like dealing with people who are in a really intense frame of mind. This transit can have people behaving really in a demanding way, in an exacting way, especially people who have power over you. We're talking bosses, landlords, general jerks⁠—parents, I suppose, depending on your age, of course.

So here's the thing. This transit is intense. It is very intense. And because we're talking about this anaretic degree of Cap, what we're dealing with is the need for us to do something. There's the pragmatic nature of Capricorn⁠—and to remember that Capricorn is a conservationist. So how do you need to conserve your energy? How do you need to conserve your thinking, your words, even?

The function of Pluto on top of Mercury can bring about conflict in friendships⁠—conflict being Pluto, friendships being Mercury. It can make us feel like we can't hold back anymore. We just barf out our resentments, or again, this can happen at you or around you. Do not talk shit. Do not gossip. I know it makes you feel better about yourself. I know it's fun. This is a terrible fucking time to do it. It is likely to bite you in the buns. And do your buns need that? Do they need that? I don't think so.

It's also mean-spirited, right? So, I mean, whatever. Nobody's perfect. We all do it. Fine. Also, this is not the day to be mean-spirited or petty, not just because it's a conjunction, so it's the start of a cycle, but also because it's likely to come back at you. There will be real-world consequences one way or another. You may be talking shit to a new friend, and it might seem like it's fun; meanwhile, this new friend is thinking, "Oh, wow. I can't trust this person because they're going to talk shit about me." And maybe you don't want that person to feel that way, not so you can trick them, but because that's not really your intention, right?

Okay. There's more. Mercury conjunction to Pluto is a great time for research, for getting to the bottom of things, which is why it's a great time for therapy, any kind of therapy that involves us digging deep within our inner psyches. This is a fantastic time for getting to the truth, getting to the depth of a thing. And that means it can be confronting. It can be activating. And if you are activated, you can make the very easy and safe assumptions that something has triggered you that is not just about the situation; it is an old trigger. It's something that is within you. And so it's worth investigating.

If you have a fight with someone, fight fair. That means no personal attacks, name-calling, any of that kind of shit. Watch your tone. If you have something to say, if you really need it to be heard, make an effort to say it in a way that is humane, that is fair, so that you're saying the truth of what needs to be said but you're not punishing them as you do it, because that means they're not going to listen. This is the thing about Mercury. It is not just about what we say; it is about how we listen. And it is not just about how we say what we say; it's about our motivations underlying it. And this is a hot off the presses, humanistic astrology take on Mercury.

We're dealing this week with this Full Moon, with a Uranus focal planet, messing with our nervous systems, and then this Mercury/Pluto conjunction is not going to make that any easier. So, again, I want to say, if you're somebody who tends to have a highly strung nervous system, if you're somebody who's just been having a rough time with your mental health in that way, put things in place to support you. Make an effort to do your grounding exercises. Take care of yourself is basically what I'm trying to say. Use the resources you have, and if you don't have resources, do the research to get resources because Mercury conjunction to Pluto makes that viable. It gives us the energy to do that.

Now, one last thing I'll say about this particular transit⁠—this is not the time to do something really dishonest. It's not a time to start shit unless you really want to finish the shit, because everyone is activated by this transit. And so everyone's in a mood. Pick your battles wisely. Now, we are likely to see bullshit in the world. We are likely to see people with power abusing power. You may feel called to advocate for a cause or take a position on something. We may need to just really pay attention to the news and what is happening in the world. But this is not a time to tune out and disassociate from what's happening in the world unless, of course, things are extreme in your world, in which case do what is right for you.

But we know it is not the evildoers that create evil in the world on their own. It's good people. It is decent people. It is humane people staying out of terrible things. That's what enables evil to be perpetrated. So we gotta motivate. We are in our anaretic degree of Pluto in Capricorn. We must do things, right? And that often requires in-person representation, people coming together. I mean, it can be online, but in person/online representation, people coming together, making some damn noise. So, as always, I'm encouraging you to stay engaged and to be a part of things, to be a part of the solutions if you can.

Now, I know a lot of people like to party and do drugs, and I will say to you what I always say, which is when we're going through major transits like Mercury conjunction to Pluto, it is not a great time to be fucking with recreational drugs. And when I say recreational drugs, I am including drugs for spiritual development. So I'm not talking about prescribed medications. I am talking about facilitators, basically. And so this is not a great time for doing that. I don't recommend it. But you will do what you do because⁠—free will. Can we all take a moment to acknowledge and embrace our free will?

Okay. So that brings us to the 11th. And on the 11th, we have not one but two things happening. The first is Mercury ingressing into Aquarius, which⁠—honestly, very exciting. Mercury in Aquarius is great for making connections, for ideas sparking, but even more, the thing that's so exciting about this is that Mercury was Retrograde, and then it was Retroshady, and now it's in fucking Aquarius. And that means we are out of the muck and into 2023, where just Mercury of the future is now Mercury of the present. Was that dramatic? Maybe, but that's what you got.

Okay. The other thing that's happening on the 11th is Mars forms an exact sextile to Chiron. This is a really lovely transit, which⁠—not without qualification, but it is a lovely transit. Let me tell you why. Mars is all about embodiment. It's about our passions, our ambitions⁠—yes, anger, frustration, but also a lot of amazing things. And ego energy⁠—to me, it's not a negative or a positive. It's something that is part of being a human and we need to have in balance for best possible results.

Now, Chiron is wounding. So this is the tricky thing. Whenever we're dealing with Chiron, kind of similar to Pluto, there's going to be kind of a part of what we're dealing with that is not super easy. The Mars sextile to Chiron can empower us to feel more capable and able to deal with old pains. And again, whenever we're dealing with Chiron, we're not just dealing with the pain of life, which honestly is enough, but it's about the pains that we have from early developmental experiences about being here, about how we got here, about whether or not we feel safe in our bodies, in the world, and how we kind of identify and orient that safety.

And so, with this Mars sextile to Chiron, it can empower us to engage with those things, which, TBH, may already be up because of the Full Moon and the Mercury/Pluto conjunction this week. But there is a way, because of the sextile, that we can kind of engage with these themes in a full-bodied way that is healthy, that we find our own agency in it and we are able to make choices and to feel a sense of purpose, essentially, within it, or a passion and motive for getting engaged in our healing, which sometimes means sitting in discomfort, sitting in pain.

When we recoil from pain, we never get to know what it's about. And listen. Everybody recoils from pain. That's just a human thing to do. But it's an important thing to work on because if you can intensify your willingness and capacity to stay present with all of your emotions, then your capacity to cope with them and to move through them in whatever way is needed in the moment is also stronger. And that's really important for aging gracefully, for having a sense of peace in your life, and for making good choices.

So, while this transit may be a little uncomfortable, seek opportunities for assertion, for empowerment, for staying present in your body with old wounds that are uncomfortable and painful and scary to sit with. And it's possible you're not going to really feel this transit; it's not going to do too much to you. But it may be affecting the people around you. So you may end up just having more deep conversations or going a little deeper in your relationships, and that's cool. You know what I mean? It's not what everyone's looking for all the time, but I think it's pretty cool.

Now, my friends, my beloved lovers of astrology, that's your damn horoscope. I'm going to run through the transits one more time for you in case you're taking notes. On the 5th, we have a Full Moon in Leo that is exact at 10:29 a.m. On the 6th, we have an exact sextile between Mercury and Neptune. And on the 7th, we have an exact sextile between Venus and Uranus. The 10th gives us an intense Mercury conjunction to Pluto in its exactitude. And on the 11th, Mercury ingresses into Aquarius, and Mars forms a sextile to Chiron.

I hope you use this horoscope to empower you to live in the best ways you know how. And if you get value from the show, again, I want to remind you to hit that Subscribe button wherever you listen to podcasts, and positive reviews are always cherished⁠—like, deeply cherished.

Take good care of yourself and others this week, and I will talk to you next week. Buh-bye.