Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

Hey there, Ghosties. In this episode, I'll be doing a live reading with one of my beloved listeners. Every Wednesday, listen in on an intimate conversation and get inspired as we explore perspectives on life, love, and the human condition. Along the way, we'll uncover valuable insights and practical lessons that you can apply to your own life. And don't forget to hit Subscribe or, at the very least, mark your calendars because every Sunday I'll be back with your weekly horoscope. And that you don't want to miss. Let's get started.

Jessica:      Welcome to the podcast. What would you like a reading about today?

Guest:              I would like a reading about my dog. Heartbreakingly, my dog, Zelda, was recently diagnosed with cancer. I'm suddenly being faced with a lot of decisions around her treatment. I'm grappling with them in all the ways. I want to help her fight this and to extend her life as long as possible and with the highest quality possible. I also recognize that she is a complex and highly intelligent creature who may have her own strong feelings about continued invasive medical treatment. I respect her and love her deeply and want to help her live and die well. I'd love to connect with her about how she's feeling⁠—she also just went through a knee surgery⁠—and discuss her wishes if appropriate. How do dogs see death, and how can I help her have the best end-of-life experience as possible?

Jessica:            Okay. So, first of all, I'm really sorry. And we're going to peek in with Zelda soon, but I can kind of start this by letting you know what my experience⁠—which is not exhaustive or definitive⁠. I cannot speak on behalf of all the dogs all over the world, obviously. Dogs are not a monolith. But in my experience, dogs and cats have a much healthier relationship to death than humans in that even when they don't want to die or they're scared of dying, it is not like us. They understand how death is a part of life. And to be honest, as an animal communicator, that has been really helpful for me to get to see from the perspective of a cat or a dog how differently they regard stepping into the unknown in that way.

                        So we can check in with her in a moment, but I want to just check and see⁠—so do you have specific questions for her?

Guest:              I do. I really am just curious about if she's experienced any changes in her physical body. I think the symptoms for what we now know is cancer started probably around September or October.

Jessica:            She's showing me close to a year ago.

Guest:              Oh, really?

Jessica:            Yeah. And this knee surgery, was that related to the cancer or separate?

Guest:              Just separate. Just big, active dog. She had the other knee done a year and a half ago. It's like the dog equivalent of an ACL repair.

Jessica:            I see. I see. That might be part of why she's showing me about a year ago. It might have just been when things started to shift. So will you just say her full name for me?

Guest:              Zelda, and I gave her a middle name, so [redacted].

Jessica:            Thank you. So she does know that you believe that she has a disease that will kill her. She does understand that. She's not as certain as you are that it's cancer. I mean, it's not like she knows what cancer is in the way that you and I know what cancer is, but she understands cancer means pain, suffering, eventual death. That's what she's understanding cancer to mean because that's what you believe it means, and you've communicated that effectively. She doesn't feel well, but she's not suffering greatly.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            Does that make sense with what you've seen of her?

Guest:              It does. She's trying to act normal, and I'd say she's probably 85, 90 percent normal aside from her activity being so limited because of this surgery. But she's recovering really well. And as much of a shock as this was to my system and all of the grief that's come up for me in the last couple weeks around being like, "Okay, this looks like cancer," and then this came back as cancer, came back in her lymph nodes⁠—I've tried to be so careful about projecting my own fears onto her and trying to meet her as, like, "Hey, this sucks. There's things we can do. We're going to help you." But then there's also that, like⁠—she's ten years old. She's a big dog. And I've been looking at her, and tears well up in my eyes for years now about this inevitability.

Jessica:            Yeah. So say her first name one more time.

Guest:              Zelda.

Jessica:            And is there another animal in the house as well?

Guest:              No, not currently.

Jessica:            Does she watch birds?

Guest:              She does watch birds.

Jessica:            Okay, because she's showing me birds. Okay. So I wasn't sure if you had a pet bird or⁠—okay. She doesn't want to eat them, but she really is interested in them. She's cold. Is your house cold?

Guest:              We keep an AC running at night just because we're hot people.

Jessica:            An AC.

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            Oh. Interesting. Weird. Are you in Southern California?

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. So it is warm.

Guest:              Yeah, definitely not East Coast cold.

Jessica:            Okay. Okay, because she's cold. She's cold.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            She doesn't love the cold. And I don't know if that's in any way related to her health or if it's just her personality and she's just like, "Hey, turn off the AC," or something. You know what I mean? I can't tell that part. But she is showing me that it's cold.

You have to let me know what the questions are because I'll say this about Zelda: you know her really well; she's a very thoughtful, wise, patient, considerate person. And she is very aware that we are here to have this conversation. That's why she instantly gave me information. I wasn't expecting to get data before I checked in with her name and everything, but she was there for it right away. So what is the first specific question you want to ask her?

Guest:              I wanted to ask her how she's experienced the treatment that she's gotten already from⁠—

Jessica:            Wait. Can you be specific? Because you've given her, like, seven million treatments.

Guest:              Sure. I have. Does she trust the oncologist I brought her to?

Jessica:            So is this a very pale white person?

Guest:              It is.

Jessica:            Okay. She doesn't especially like them, but she doesn't⁠—and she's a little scared of them and of that room, but she's not actively distrustful of them in the way that she can be of people.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Guest:              You know, when I've talked to her about kind of treatments and, "Hey, this is probably going to suck," does she have any sort of strong opposition to⁠—

Jessica:            She does not feel like she is dying, and she is not really interested in dying at the⁠—she doesn't feel like she's dying.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            So she wants to fight is the answer.

Guest:              Cool.

Jessica:            But you have a choice between two treatments, correct?

Guest:              The world is wide open in terms of treatments. We have a consultation with a surgeon on Friday with her oncologist present because they think it could be removed with surgery and then also treated with chemo.

Jessica:            And when you say "it," you're talking about her lymph nodes?

Guest:              Lymph nodes, and then they found⁠—we think it's bladder cancer, but it was kind of more in her urinary tract, and so very close to her vagina. And so they didn't know, kind of⁠—they still don't know what kind of cells the cancer is originating from. So it could be like a squamous cell, but we're moving forward right now with the understanding that it's a carcinoma and then also running genetic tests on the biopsy so that we can target treatment that way.

Jessica:            So, in terms of her options, because⁠—let me just tell you this. She is showing me that you are not sure which option to choose. She feels that you both feel that it would be easier if she had a say in what treatment she took.

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            So I guess what she wants in this moment is for you to present her with options⁠—

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            ⁠—because the thing about the surgery option is you don't really understand it yet. You don't know how extensive the surgery is. Obviously, she does not want another surgery. But if she believed that it would really help, she would be down. Some dogs are just like, "Don't fucking bring me into that vet. Don't you dare." But she's not like that.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            She doesn't want to go. She doesn't like it. But she understands why you're there.

Guest:              [crosstalk] is comforting and reassuring.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Guest:              But yeah. She's not dragging her feet, but she's not excited about it.

Jessica:            No, obviously. She's not bananas. She is absolutely not excited to go get a surgery. But she is clear that you're not doing it to harm her.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            She is clear that she had that knee surgery, and it was a terrible recovery. And it took a very long time and it was really a brutal recovery for her, but she understood that it was a recovery from a surgery that would make her feel better. And she does feel better in that knee. You're doing a good job of communicating with her, of letting her know what's up. She's also just really, really smart, as you named. What are her other options other than that surgery?

Guest:              Chemo is an option, and radiation might also be an option aside from the logistics of getting [crosstalk].

Jessica:            She's not actually that interested in the radiation.

Guest:              Okay. Good to know.

Jessica:            I don't know why. Now, obviously, first⁠—I should have said this at the get, but you want to take this with a grain of salt. You want to defer to your vet, obviously, and your common sense. And this is like a family-planning issue if you have a partner or a bestie or something that you're making these decisions with. That said, what I'm hearing is that she feels that the radiation would be too much, which is interesting because I'm way more scared of chemo than radiation myself. But she has had chemo already?

Guest:              No, she hasn't.

Jessica:            She hasn't. She has this feeling that she knows what it is. So you must have really shown her what chemo was and given her clear pictures of what it is. And it would be administered through an IV; is that correct?

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah, because she's showing me this picture of⁠—she would have to be at the vet. She would absolutely prefer it if you could be with her, but she isn't clear that you would be able to be with her, and that it would feel bad, and she wouldn't feel better for a while, and that it might help her be okay. So you've communicated that to her effectively, and she's down for that.

                        The radiation⁠—her bones recoil from it. She doesn't have a "yes" there. So, again, defer to your vet.

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            [crosstalk] oncologist. You've got a good medical team. But that's what she's showing me now. In terms of the surgery, honestly, you don't have enough information, so she doesn't feel like she can assess it because⁠—I mean, you can't cut into her bladder and her lymph all at once. That seems like a lot, and she just had a knee surgery. I mean, you don't really know what they're recommending here, so she can't weigh in on that yet. She's not automatically a hard "no" on a surgery, even though she just had one. So I can share that with you.

                        She does this thing where she puts her chin on you, right? Does she put her chin on your hand or your knee or something like that?

Guest:              Sometimes, yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. And does she do that, ever, when you're asking her questions?

Guest:              Yeah, she does.

Jessica:            Okay. That's her way of saying "yeah." That's her way of saying, "This is okay. This is okay." It's not like she's going to do it every time. This is not like⁠—you know, I didn't just teach you French and now you can talk to a French person. That's not what that is. It's not that linear. But that is something that she does with you sometimes, and she's showing that to me so that you can kind of be a little bit more on the lookout for that. Honestly, I mean, she does it to calm you down as much as she does it for anything else.

                        She doesn't feel she's dying. I'll share that with you.

Guest:              Thank you.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Guest:              I don't think I could have hoped for a better phrase: "She doesn't feel like she's dying."

Jessica:            Good. Okay. Good.

Guest:              Even in my question, it was⁠—I want her to enjoy the time that she has, whether that's six months or whether that's six more years. And I did join all of the dog cancer Facebook groups. And so what's been really hard is it could be six weeks; it could be six years. And to know that she is fully still in this life⁠—

Jessica:            She is. I don't need to tell you that cancer is a bitch, right? Nobody wants it. She doesn't feel it. She feels bad, but she doesn't feel what she understands is cancer or what you understand is cancer. It doesn't feel like that in her system. Now, I will tell you that when I communicate with animals, certainly dogs, it's not like⁠—she may wake up tomorrow and feel like, "Oh yeah, I'm ready to die." Because she says, "I'm not dying," she means today. She means now. She means based on how she feels at this time, and that can change.

                        So, again, this is where I want to affirm your common sense, your oncologist, your family planning, all that kind of stuff. But she does not feel that she's dying. She does feel like part of life is like you have to do things you don't want to do sometimes, and you just do them. And honestly, if there's⁠—does she have a favorite blanket that she likes to sleep on?

Guest:              I don't think so. Her access to the house has been restricted because of the surgery. Usually, she's⁠—a couch. Usually, this is her chair. She sleeps in the bed. And so that's been a whole other, like, "I know things aren't normal right now."

Jessica:            Because of her knee. Yeah.

Guest:              Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            She understands. Her knee is killing her, so she understands. It's not like she's not⁠—I mean, she's on pain medication right now, eh?

Guest:              They stopped it.

Jessica:            Huh.

Guest:              So that's something else that⁠—

Jessica:            When?

Guest:              Like ten days after the surgery. So it's been four or five days since she's had, really, any pain meds.

Jessica:            Interesting. She's still in pain.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            And it's not 100 percent of the time. It's when her foot goes down in a particular way. And I don't know if you've seen it where sometimes you kind of see a reaction to how she's put her foot down.

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            I am not a doggie doctor. I don't know how this goes. But I would inquire with your vet, given that she has so much happening in her health, is there the equivalent of an ibuprofen for pain? Just something that is not going to do any kind of damage or strain on her organs, but for days where you can kind of see her kind of "Ouchie," because you can see that some days, eh?

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah. Is there something like that? And if the answer is no, then I don't know how woo you go, but there are homeopathic remedies that you can use on dogs that⁠—if she is not on any other medications, it wouldn't be an interruption. And that might help. Again, it depends on how woo you go and what kind of access⁠—

Guest:              I go pretty woo.

Jessica:            Okay.

Guest:              I've been researching mushrooms⁠—

Jessica:            Okay. Great.

Guest:              ⁠—for the last few weeks. And I'm like, "I still don't know the difference." But starting her on a mushroom supplement, changing her food to just better quality for her, a little bit less processed⁠—

Jessica:            Be really careful as you make that transition because she does have a mushy tummy right now.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            How are her poops? Are they okay?

Guest:              Yeah. Her poops have been really good. Her appetite has changed.

Jessica:            It's because she has a mushy tummy. That's how she's showing it to me. Her tummy feels like⁠—I've never used that term before, but she's saying it's mushy. It's a little sickly, a little sickly. And that might be the cancer feeling. I think in a human term, I might call it a little bit of an upset tummy, erring on the side of acidic. So I don't know⁠—a raw diet⁠—because I know that's what everyone says is the healthiest thing for dogs⁠—may be too much for her, and it may not. So I would just⁠—

Guest:              Yeah. The oncologist just vaguely said that, actually, the raw is the worst thing to do for her because of the risk of infection and the bacteria levels.

Jessica:            That makes sense to me. I'm getting⁠—I would be exceptionally careful doing that, so I'm glad that that's where the oncologist is pointing you because it tells me I'm on the right track with that. I think⁠—

Guest:              Does she like the food that she's on currently? Does she feel good enough⁠—

Jessica:            Are you talking about the kibble?

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            Again, she has so much happening in her health, so it's a little hard to know what's what. She is eating enough that you don't have to contact the vet, but she's not eating enough that you have to keep on watching it, right? Her tummy's off.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            It's off. And again, I think that's probably how she's experiencing the cancer, is her energy's off. Her tummy's mushy. Just her overall vitality feels not right. But this is a very happy dog. She doesn't need something that she doesn't have. And you titled your question to me Dying Well. And as I look at her, I'm not worried about that for her. She is really clear about the protocols that you're clear about. You're doing a really good job of listening to her. I mean, you're doing what any human would do, which is you're triple-guessing it and being like, "I don't know if this is right," because how can you know?

I mean, I'm an animal communicator, and with my animals, when something goes wrong, I'm like, "I don't know if I'm making the right calls. I don't know what to do," because it's hard enough when you love someone to make a choice for them, but when you love somebody who can't verbalize in a linear way to you what they want, it's fucking awful. It's really sad. But she's good.

Guest:              That makes me feel good.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Guest:              And maybe this is where those Pluto transits I mentioned come in. And I just feel really a strong conviction of, how do I do the best I can by the love that I have for her and the love that she has for me and that we've built and we've shared over these ten years? And how does that show up in this chapter that we're in?

Jessica:            And when you say Pluto transits, are you talking about⁠—and I'm going to share you were born in the Northeast. We're not going to say the place, but August 11th, 1993, at 1:41 p.m.

Guest:              Yeah. I'm talking about Pluto trine my Moon and Pluto trine my Mars.

Jessica:            Okay. Great, because both of those transits indicate a greater depth in your life and transformation that brings you to greater emotional presence and healing and also embodiment. Those transits are an indication that you're likely to get the support you need, like you wrote in to a podcast to get a reading with an animal communicator⁠—boom⁠—and that you connected with the right oncologist, and you got the support you need. And you're likely to make use of this, right? So this is one thing.

                        Now, the other thing is Jupiter. Now, most people think about death and they think about Pluto, and that makes perfect sense because Pluto governs death. But it doesn't govern physical death in the way that we think of it as. Instead, you actually do want to look more at Jupiter. Jupiter is all about expanding beyond the beyond. You've got a bunch of Jupiter transits happening. And it's hard to call a Jupiter transit bad, because it's Jupiter and it does govern luck and optimism.

                        Big but⁠—in the very end of March and in April, Jupiter is opposite your Ascendant and then your Pluto because you have those two conjoined. And it's also going to be squaring your Sun, and it's eventually going to be hitting your Saturn. Jupiter is the one to look out for a little bit over here because what is happening when Jupiter opposes your Ascendant/Pluto conjunction is your relationship to death and dying and letting go and control are going to be activated in a big way.

                        And if you've been listening to me on the podcast for a long time, you've probably heard me say that Jupiter is not always good. It makes things bigger. And so, if you have a deep resistance and fear around, let's say, losing people you love or death in general, Jupiter is kind of divinely timed to come around and make that shit bigger. Luckily, Jupiter also has the gift of resiliency, and it tends to resource us. So even challenging Jupiter transits, if you can call them that⁠—like squares and oppositions⁠—they present you with resources that you can tap into. It's just a little bit more busy and dynamic when it's a square and opposition.

                        And so to this I say pacing yourself⁠—not your forte every day of the week, I'm going to guess.

Guest:              No.

Jessica:            Yeah. That's the move right now and moving into the spring, is going to be pacing yourself, because let's say you have your best-case scenario and your beloved dog gets some treatments and does well. Well, you have to pace yourself financially through that because, I mean, I don't want to blow your mind, but this shit's expensive, right?

Guest:              It is. Yeah.

Jessica:            It's insanely expensive. Yeah. So there's that, and then you have to pace yourself because your life will continue to go on, and there's other responsibilities and cares and heartbreaks and things in life that you're going to have to deal with. I'm not predicting a heartbreak; I just meant the world when I said that.

                        The thing about Jupiter is it makes us want everything to be quick, quick and big, quick and done. And that's not consistently what we get. So Pluto is an asset here. Pluto is your bro here. Uranus is making everything unpredictable. And Jupiter is the one to⁠—I'm calling Jupiter the wild card here.

                        All of this said, I almost didn't pull up your birth chart for this conversation because when we're going through life-or-death issues, ultimately what really matters is presence. It doesn't matter what your chart is. It doesn't matter what your transits are. It's always presence. That's always the move.

                        And what I see is that from her perspective, from your dog's perspective, you're being really present with her. Now, as a psychic person, I can also see, holy shit, you're driving yourself fucking insane and you're going in circles and circles and circles and circles.

Guest:              Yes.

Jessica:            But that's⁠—it's Tuesday. It's like nature. It's like that's not unique or exclusive to this moment. Am I right about that?

Guest:              You're very right about that.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that fucking Pluto on your Rise and your Saturn on the IC⁠ both dictate that you work really well when all the fucking chips are down. If you have an easy week and nothing serious to get done, yeah, you're not super effective. But if all the chips are down and you've got fucking 30 minutes to get 12 things done, that's when you get everything done.

Guest:              That's very right. Yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah. And so this is a time in your life where you can make the decision to not only do the things but to consider how you do them and to make powerful internal shifts⁠—thank you, Pluto trine Moon; thank you, Pluto trine Mars⁠—make deep and powerful shifts around how you embody your will, your fear, your anger, your heart's yearnings, like your love, your grief, all of these things.

                        And life will persist in being unpredictable and exciting and dynamic because fucking Uranus is currently⁠—not for much longer⁠—opposing your Ascendant, squaring your Sun, and will continue to oppose your Pluto. So you will be in this time where things are unpredictable in your life. And I don't know what your emotional reaction to that is. You got a lot of fucking fixed energy in your chart, so it might not be your favorite thing. But I can see, looking at your birth chart, that you thrive when things are unpredictable. You don't necessarily emotionally thrive, but you tactically thrive.

                        So what this means is, if you continue to make a priority, emotional presence, not just for your dog but also for you, and you prioritize acknowledging when you've lost yourself to the Plutonian undertow of overthinking and trying to control things, and then come back to the body and come back to the heart, then not only will you get through this period as healthy as you can to your best needs and the best needs of your sweet dog, but also, you'll change.

You'll change in ways that you couldn't just by being like, "I'm going to do a tarot reading about this," or, "I'm going to study my chart about that." You'll actually change because you'll have experiences that help you to grow, and that's thanks to Pluto. That's thanks to Uranus. That's thanks to Jupiter. It's also just thanks to fucking being in your life and living it even when it's hard. I'm sorry. I know it's intense.

Guest:              It is intense, but I mean⁠—not to quote my dog, but life gets hard sometimes.

Jessica:            Yeah. That's… (laughs)

Guest:              I'm like, I don't want to double down on the ways that⁠—you know, all of the Pluto stuff that keeps me from really being in my life, some of that Gemini Moon detached stuff. I want to evolve, and I want to eventually look back and know that the hard things changed me for the better.

Jessica:            Yeah. That's beautiful, and that's the goal.

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In honor of Valentine's Day and Black History Month, February is Black Love Month on Ghost of a Podcast. If you're Black and you've got questions about love of any kind⁠—I'm talking self-love, romantic, love for your job, family, the place you live, whatever it may be⁠—then send me your question through the contact form over at Ghost of a Podcast today. The midweek episodes all month long will feature selected Black love questions. Just make sure to use the hashtag #BlackLove in your question.

Jessica:            You have a Saturn/Moon square. So the hard things will make you better. That's not a theory for you. That's kind of how it's been so far, and you can have faith that it will continue to be that way if you continue to want it to be that way. And will you say your dog's name one more time?

Guest:              Zelda.

Jessica:            Is she snoozing?

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. She's a little less active right now, so I was just like, "Oh." I'm like, "Has she got nothing to say, or is she just sleeping?" She's sleeping. Okay. She feels loved. She feels safe. I do think she may benefit from a really soft blanket that you get her that's for her, and then you can bring it to the vet, and then she can snuggle on it if you can't be there, if you end up doing chemo.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            And you know the kind of soft I'm talking about? It's probably very synthetic material, but it's super soft and fluffy, kind of.

Guest:              She has a bed that's like that.

Jessica:            That must be why she's showing me this very specific material that she wants. So if you could get her a blanket made of that material, and then it could be transported. She doesn't want her bed in the vet because the smell is impossible to get out of anything. You've tried, and it has not worked. So yeah. So, if there could just be a blanket that would be easier to clean, that would be great. She does really care about clean. Are you a bit of a neat freak or something?

Guest:              Kind of. I'm actually pretty messy, but I hold myself to high cleanliness standards.

Jessica:            Yeah. Clean⁠—we're talking clean, not clutter, right now. Yes. You are right about that. Yeah. She is showing me that you're particular about washing things, that you have a thing about washing things. And so a blanket would be easier to wash is how she feels.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Guest:              I'll get you a blanket, Zelda.

Jessica:            Does she go to the laundry with you? Do you have a laundry machine in your house or something?

Guest:              We moved in September, but before that, she would walk with me to the laundry room that I shared on my previous property.

Jessica:            I see. I see. Okay, because she's showing me⁠—around doing the clothes together.

Guest:              Yeah. Cool.

Jessica:            Are you not planning on having children, human children?

Guest:              You know, I've become less committed, less attached, to that idea over the years. I love being an aunt, and I work with kids.

Jessica:            Okay. Okay. That might be why she's bringing it up. She's showing me that you've decided that you're not having kids and that it's a great choice for you.

Guest:              Oh. (laughs)

Jessica:            Yeah. It's what she's showing me. So I don't know if that's true, but that is what she understands to be true, and she wanted to validate that. She's awake now, eh? Or does she still look snoozy?

Guest:              She's snoozy, but her eyes opened when I [crosstalk].

Jessica:            Okay. Okay. She's awake. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because now she's chatting. You do give her wet food sometimes?

Guest:              I sometimes wet her kibble.

Jessica:            She does like wet food, though, eh?

Guest:              Oh. Okay.

Jessica:            Have you ever tried?

Guest:              No. She's been on kibble most of her life, but I always share. I have a really annoying, high-maintenance diet, so I know what's in it. So I give it to her.

Jessica:            I see. I see. So it's mushy when you give it to her?

Guest:              Yeah. [crosstalk] to lick my plate when I'm done almost every day.

Jessica:            I see. I see. Okay. She does really like that. She likes the mushy stuff. So this is her advice. If you ever want to spoil her because you're worried about her health, you could always give her more food that she likes.

Guest:              Okay. Good to know.

Jessica:            Yeah. It's good to know. The only other thing that she's showing me is that sometimes the two of you take walks. I don't know if it's near a freeway or an underpass or something like that. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Guest:              Maybe. We live kind of in a downtown area, so there's⁠—

Jessica:            Okay. Okay. So there's a particular area that you sometimes walk by, and it's very urban-feeling. It's very loud and metaly.

Guest:              Maybe by the dumpster where we're walking through all of the cars, and there's⁠—

Jessica:            That dumpster and cars would make sense with what she's showing me. Yeah, because she's showing me she's not a fan. Her favorite places to walk require a little less vigilance than that place.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            I mean, she knows that I'm asking her if there's anything she can tell me to tell you so that you have more information. And this is like, well, if she's having a harder day, that's not the place to take her for a walk on. If you want to go out of your way to spoil her, avoiding that place is great.

Guest:              Is it the side of the road? Does she not like the traffic? She also has a strong, strong hatred for skateboards. She doesn't understand them. Scooters are fine.

Jessica:            Interesting. Skateboards. I've known dogs that have a weird thing with skateboards, too. But the skateboards are because of how it makes the ground rattle. It's just very fucking disorienting. She feels it before she hears it. She would prefer to be in a meadow, first of all. That is just true of who she is. She would prefer to be in a meadow. I mean, I didn't want to lead with that. I was trying to not say that, but that is what she is showing me. Yes.

                        So it could be the road, but I think there's actually a specific place she's showing me. It's a specific place that you don't go all the time, but you do go with her. And it's just not her favorite place.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            She has to be more vigilant. It's really loud. So I don't know if that dumpster place you mentioned⁠—if it's louder, has more street sounds there.

Guest:              Yeah. We've just been so limited because of her walks. The most she's walked is around our immediate block. So I'm trying to figure out, where is it?

Jessica:            Is that dumpster thing that you're referencing⁠—is that on your immediate block?

Guest:              It's sort of behind the apartments where we used to walk through to get [crosstalk].

Jessica:            I see. I see.

Guest:              And one-half of the block is definitely⁠—there's more grass; it's more neighborhood. And the other side of the block's a little bit busier.

Jessica:            She doesn't like the busier side.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            Do you have a backyard where you are?

Guest:              I don't. But she loves laying by the window and watching the birds.

Jessica:            She's a birder. She's a birder. She showed me that. She feels that she lives with birds. It's a part of her life.

Guest:              That's so sweet.

Jessica:            I mean, what she is showing me⁠—and honestly, I don't think there's anything you can do about this. But what she's showing me is that if there is a much smaller patch of grass, she would rather walk in a circle around a much smaller patch of grass than walk on the sidewalk with busyness and noise.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            If that ends up being relevant and helpful, use it. And if not, life is full of compromise, and she's cool with that. She's a very happy, well-tended dog. But I'm asking her for, "Is there anything else?" And she's good. She's okay. She's really okay.

Guest:              That's just nice to hear. Are there any things or people that she longs to see again? We've had a big move in the last couple years.

Jessica:            Dogs are little bit more Zen. They're a little bit more present. So that's not exactly the kind of question that I've ever known a dog to respond, like, "What was your life like before me?" or, "Is there somebody from your past that you wish was in your present?" These kinds of questions don't tend to click, quite, for a dog. So I'm not really getting any kind of clarity around an answer.

                        Listen. There's people that she likes, and you know who they are, and she'd be thrilled to see them. But does she long for them? No, not in the way that you and I would. She's really okay.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            Yeah.

Guest:              I'll take that.

Jessica:            Yeah. She's really doing okay. She has a nice life. She's comfortable. I mean, she's slowed down. She's slowed way down, and that's⁠—again, I think it's probably the cancer. And she understands that if this cancer is the thing that kills her, she understands that that's the thing that kills her. But she doesn't see it as a disease attacking her body. She sees it as the thing that happens at the end of her life. It's a very different mindset. It's one I would benefit from but I don't have. But that's just kind of how she sees it, and so far, she doesn't feel that it's imminent.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            Yeah. Is there anything else that you would like to ask her?

Guest:              I mean, I would ask her where she wants to go when her knee feels better, but it sounds like the answer is a meadow.

Jessica:            Meadowy. Any grassy⁠—she likes flat. She's not a dog who's ever loved hills, I'm guessing, from what she's showing me.

Guest:              We've hiked our shared life together, but nothing super strenuous, just a nice hike on a trail.

Jessica:            And it might be the reason why she's showing me this is because, the last several years, she's had knee problems. So she's had two knee surgeries. She's probably had a lot of knee pain leading up to both of those surgeries. She likes walking with you someplace that isn't unpleasant, someplace that's very pleasant, which for her is often quieter nature. She's a very chill dog. She's not a dog who has to run to get all of her willies out or whatever. She's a very chill dog, at least now, at this age, at this moment. She would like taking a walk and then sitting down with you and hanging out. She doesn't need a hike.

Guest:              We're at the same place now.

Jessica:            Okay. Good. Okay. Good.

Guest:              Just take a stroll. See the birds.

Jessica:            Good. That's what she wants. She wants to stroll and bird and sit. There's not something that you're not giving her that she needs.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            Yeah. And I'll tell you most of the dogs I've spoken with in my life talk about their water and their food a lot. She's not doing that. I asked her about her water three times because I'm so surprised she's not talking about her water. Dogs usually do tell me about their water bowl. She's very comfortable with her water. She's very comfortable with her food. She wants a little more mushy food. And it's not like she wants it, like she's telling me she wants it. She's like, "Well, if you want to do something for me, I guess you could do that." It's more of that. I would say thinking of it as a dessert or a treat would be mushy or wet food.

                        But she's really okay. And she's slowed down, and she doesn't feel great. She still has some pain from the knee surgery. But she's overall okay. So, given her situation, she's in a really good position.

Guest:              Good.

Jessica:            Yeah. I'm so relieved to say that, because⁠—

Guest:              I'm relieved to hear it. And yeah, the last few weeks, I feel like I'm finally coming out of that shock and adjusting to some level of acceptance of, "This is where we're at. What do we need to do?" So knowing that I'm getting through to her and that she feels heard and feels cared for is just really reassuring.

Jessica:      It's kind of everything, isn't it?

Guest:        Yeah. It is.

Jessica:            Yeah. And I will just say that the way that we communicate with our animal friends is by having your head and your heart focused on the same picture at the same moment, which is why she knows what all the things you're scared of are. She knows what the surgery is and she knows what the chemo is because you've pictured it really, really, really clearly. And so you've communicated it really clearly. But you've also communicated the positives.

                        Communicating with animals is much easier than most of us think of it as. It's even easier for us to communicate with them than it is for us to receive their messages because we're idiots. Humans are so⁠—we're just so fucking in our heads. But she's hearing you. She's getting your messages, and that's what's important.

Guest:              Yeah. She looks at me most of the time and is like, "Can you figure it out already?"

Jessica:            Yeah. I mean, you would figure it out if you weren't trying so hard. When we are receiving communication from our animal friends, when we're receiving communication from our guidance, it's exactly that: it's receiving. You have to be in a state of perception. So, when you're seeking, how can you receive? Seeking is pushing forward, and it's trying to figure it out, to try to move around data points so that you can figure out the right one, whereas receiving requires quieting the mind, being present and unattached, which⁠—what Scorpio Rising with Pluto conjunction to their Ascendant isn't unattached all the time? That was sarcasm. Yeah.

Guest:              Yeah. I picked it up

Jessica:            Yeah, you did. It wasn't subtle. It wasn't subtle. But I feel like, yeah, it needed to be said. So it's a practice. And if ever you're going to come to a sense of mastery over that practice, it's during these Pluto transits. It's when things are so important to you and so hard. Making a practice of acknowledging when you're not in a receptive state and practicing playing with what that means, to be receptive⁠—it's hardest to do when we're scared or when we're any kind of emotionally activated.

                        But part of what it requires is being able to know your own inner voices well enough to be able to pick up on the difference between your own anxieties, your own inner voice, your guidance, and your dog because it's super subtle. The differences are wildly subtle, but they're there. And again, it means being in a state of receptivity, not a state of seeking or seeking to control or attachment to keeping things a certain particular way. So it's a practice, not a destination. You know what I mean? It's a practice.

                        So there's a few rooms in your apartment; you're not in a studio?

Guest:              Correct. Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. So what I just showed her is⁠—and she already does this, but that she should practice really going out of her way to tell you when she sees an interesting bird when you're in another room. So what I want to have you practice is, if you just have a thought come into your head, "Bird," go into the living room where she is⁠—right? She's in the living room? Go into the living room where she is and just see if she's looking at an interesting bird. Start seeing if you can receive that one message because she's so excited about that message, so it's going to be a louder one. And also, it's evidential. It's like either there's a fucking bird, or there's not a fucking bird. Right?

So that might be something that you can practice doing and not make it into a competition or something to achieve, but instead just being open when you're busy doing other things and your mind's elsewhere, that's when it's going to come in. You might be like, "Oh, bird," and then just go see if you're thinking it or if you're receiving it.

Guest:              Yeah. That's going to be interesting to try. Over the last couple weeks, there's been a few memorable moments with birds that⁠—it's funny. It's like, "Oh wait. Did she think that or extend that, or did I?"

Jessica:            She's obsessed with birds. She's obsessed with birds. It was the first thing she showed me, was that you guys live with another animal. I was like, "Oh, there's gotta be someone else in the house, not just you guys." So yeah. Birds.

Guest:              That's so cute. I've always described her as kind of a black cat. She's very catlike for a dog.

Jessica:            I could see that. She's got the nature of a cat a little bit, eh?

Guest:              Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            Yeah. She's a sweetheart.

Guest:              She's aloof, and yeah, it's almost like she doesn't have that excitement to connect with other people like a lot of dogs will have. She's like, "Oh, I see you over there. I'm over here if you want to get to know me."

Jessica:            Essentially, she feels excited to connect with people. It's that she doesn't feel she needs to.

Guest:              Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica:            It's that she doesn't need to, which I think a lot of people call aloof but I would call self-sufficient.

Guest:              Yeah.

Jessica:            You know? She's really⁠—

Guest:              She's a Capricorn.

Jessica:            She's a Capricorn cat, which is why I love her, of course. But she's really doing okay, and yeah, there's nothing else that she needs or wants or that she's scared of that she needs to ask about or communicate, which is really good. Yeah.

Guest:              Okay.

Jessica:            Yeah. And there's your reading, I guess, eh?

Guest:              Thank you.

Jessica:            Yeah, it's my pleasure. I wish you the most with this because I know how scary and upsetting this must be. So I'm definitely going to be thinking about you guys.

Guest:              Thank you so much, Jessica. I appreciate that.

Jessica:            My pleasure. Give her a big hug for me, okay?

Guest:              I will. I will.