Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

Jessica: Dana, welcome to the podcast. What would you like a reading about?

Dana: I'm going to read my question. "Should I, Jessica, disinvite all straight people from my Gay wedding? My girlfriend and I are in the struggle about how or if we want to involve our straight families in our Gay wedding this fall. We've been enjoying a period of abundance together and separately around Queer and Trans friendships, and it has brought up a lot for us both about past self-abandonment, especially around overaccommodating cis straight family who mean well but tread uncomfortably around queerness.

"The idea of celebrating our wedding without family feels like it could be affirming and a relief in some ways but devastating in others. I am concerned about losing the opportunity to bring my three younger siblings into my life, and my partner is grieving the recent loss of their dad and feeling painfully disconnected from family already. I have made some decisions at this moment around intentionally not inviting certain family members, and the backlash seems to prove that people aren't quite able to hold that our Gay wedding is going to be really Gay.

"I think my girlfriend and I are concerned about being seen and supported in ways that feel actually good to us. Is it better to feel witnessed on this day by our Queer community or to call in all of our friends and family into an experience of celebrating Queer love? I am curious if there's anything in my very Capricorn-heavy chart that I can lean on to help me navigate these decisions for myself and as a partner. Thank you for everything. Your weekly advice is always so valuable to me."

Jessica: Thank you. Okay. So, first of all, you were born January 10th, 1994, 3:06 a.m. in San Francisco, California.

Dana: Correct.

Jessica: So I have to say, when I pulled up your chart⁠—because I pick the question; I don't really look at the chart. And I had forgotten that you had said that you had a very Capricorn-heavy chart, but I mean, I had an inferiority complex when I saw your chart. My God. You have so much Capricorn in your chart.

Dana: It's so loaded.

Jessica: Yeah. I mean, almost everything in your chart is in Capricorn. It's stunning. So, that said, congratulations on getting married.

Dana: Thank you.

Jessica: Very exciting. I have a couple qualifying questions, as I do. The first one is you all are getting married; who's paying for it?

Dana: We are.

Jessica: Okay. The two of you are paying for it completely out of pocket.

Dana: We might be getting a small amount of help from my mom.

Jessica: From your mom.

Dana: But it's a very low-maintenance wedding. When we budgeted it, it's going to come out to just over ten grand⁠—

Jessica: Okay.

Dana: ⁠—which I know is⁠—that's a lot of money, but it's also⁠—

Jessica: It's a lot, but for a wedding, it is⁠—yeah. For the wedding industry, it's insane.

Dana: It's something that we can pay for ourselves.

Jessica: Okay. And this is a weird place to come from straight out the gate, but watch me get weird straight out the gate. Would your or your partner's parents be willing to pay for a wedding if it was more to their liking?

Dana: I don't think either of us would ever ask. I think if I could get over asking for that kind of support, it would be a negotiation, but it definitely wouldn't be a no from my parents. But both of us come from families that are pretty historically broke, so that's a part of not wanting to ask. And then I also think both of us feel really protective about being able to do this on our terms. And also, neither of us have moms, in particular, who have ever had any wedding fantasies for us.

Jessica: I see. Okay.

Dana: It's not charged up in that way.

Jessica: In that particular way. So I'll just tell you why I asked. I am a fan of, whenever possible in a situation like this⁠—and there's a lot of contexts under which this kind of thing can happen where you're just like, "My family does not get my life choices and the wedding that I want to have." And so I'm actually a fan of the two-wedding wedding, the Gay-as-fuck wedding and then the family wedding, or some version of that. And that can be very expensive. It can also not be expensive at all, depending on how you do a thing.

So I wanted to just lead with that question because I am curious, is it possible that you don't have to choose; instead, you have to finesse?

Dana: Sure. Can I give a little context about how we've come into this?

Jessica: Fuck yeah. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah.

Dana: Okay. Cool. So we decided to get married about a year and a⁠—well, we decided to get engaged and to be totally Queer and transparent. We're still not totally sure how important it is to actually get married. I think there are some protections that sound important, but I've heard you talk about your forever fiancé, and I feel like that's a relationship model that could work for us. So that part feels TBD. But I think, in part because we are in this moment of having such great community where we are, it feels like it's a great opportunity to celebrate that.

But because neither of us have really ever had wedding fantasies or definitely have no interest in being brides⁠—we're both pretty Nonbinary⁠—it feels like there's⁠—I also worked as a wedding florist for a really long time, so there is baggage in all sorts of places.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah.

Dana: We decided to just have a dance party and invite everyone to our gay wedding dance party. I think that was our compromise. So there's not really a plan for a ceremony or anything. So it feels like the ask to bring family in has always been a little bit tongue-in-cheek, like, "Oh, hey, conservative Grandma, you are invited to our gay wedding dance party. And you get to decide whether or not you want to come."

And again, I felt very⁠—yeah, it feels a little bit cheeky and controversial for doing that. And now I'm having this, like, "Wait." I think it's like a boundary anxiety that's coming up for me, like, do I want anyone who's not Gay to know anything about my Gay life? Are they going to make it a problem for me? Is it I have this really progressive family that's super accepting, but then all of a sudden, it's a wedding, and all of their flexible social politics go out the window because there's all these expectations for what a wedding is supposed to be?

Jessica: That's what's happening, or that's what you're scared is happening?

Dana: I think I'm afraid of it, and it's happening a little bit, but it's subtle.

Jessica: Okay.

Dana: My immediate family, like my parents and my three siblings, are pretty great and on it. But they open doors to other parts of the family that I feel much more nervous about.

Jessica: Okay. And those people have RSVPed?

Dana: We haven't even sent out⁠—

Jessica: Great.

Dana: ⁠—official invitations yet.

Jessica: Okay. Great. Okay. I've got one more question, and then we'll dive in.

Dana: Okay.

Jessica: And you said that your partner has lost their father. Do you mean that their father passed away or that the⁠—

Dana: Yes.

Jessica: ⁠—relationship ended? Oh, their father passed away.

Dana: Passed away, like a year and some change ago.

Jessica: Recently. Really recently.

Dana: Yeah. Last⁠—yeah, last year.

Jessica: So listen. You have the biggest stellium in Capricorn I've ever seen, so very Capricorn. Now, it's intercepted in the second house. And so there's a lot we can talk about there, but before we do that, I will name that Uranus is conjunct your Venus, your Sun, your Mercury, and Neptune. And so it gives you both a very traditional nature in some ways and a very fucking out-there, eccentric nature in others, right? So very [crosstalk 00:07:45].

Dana: Uh-huh.

Jessica: You also, though, have Saturn at the bottom of your chart. It's Saturn in Aquarius, but it is hugging your IC. It's at the bottom of your chart. And so, with what you're describing about you and your partner's desire to keep it kind of in the family in a Queer way as opposed to in your biological family way, it's in part, from my perspective⁠—what I'm seeing in your chart is your desire to protect the traditions that are unique to your Queer culture without having other people bring their judgments to it, which will make it less about celebration⁠—am I hearing that right? Am I determining that right?

Dana: Yeah. That feels really accurate.

Jessica: Yeah. And so, that said⁠—I mean, you are getting married. Whether or not you do it at a government house, you are getting married. And you are bringing your family of origin into the mix because you have so much fucking Capricorn and Saturn in you. This is where I⁠—and I don't usually, in the first two seconds, give you what I think is a potential answer. Usually, I build up to it.

But I actually⁠—I want to just come back to what your real motives are towards your family of origin but also towards you and your partner and this wedding. And it's not just about you and your partner; it's also⁠—I mean, being in a situation where you have a bunch of radical Queers coming together for a dance party, and then there's a bunch of people who are just completely, "I've never been in this kind of environment"⁠—whether or not they're homophobic or transphobic, they might also just be not-party-people, not people who⁠—I mean, I'm looking at your chart, and I'm guessing there's going to be a lot of not-party-people invited from your family.

Dana: Yeah. My dad's side of the family in particular.

Jessica: Very not-party-people.

Dana: They're like modern art wasps.

Jessica: Okay. There we go. Okay. So it's like there's something about this that will be a cultural mismatch. Even if we pull out the Queer piece, it's a cultural mismatch because of the way that you are planning this. And so I cannot help but wonder if there's not a way that you can rent out a restaurant or something like that where you have a meal, were you're like, "This is our wedding meal that we're inviting our family of origin and maybe a couple besties to," and it is more about including them in this decision you're making of getting married but doing it in a way that actually works for you.

So it is segmented. It is put kind of to a side. And the reason why I asked if your parents would help is because if you've already paid for this wedding⁠—I mean, this is not a free idea. Even if you decided to do your own cooking, it's not a free idea. Right?

Dana: Sure.

Jessica: So I wonder if that's something the two of you have considered. And I'm just going to just say one more thing before you answer, which is you've got so much Capricorn in your chart, I don't buy it that you don't give a fuck about how your family of origin will feel. I think you really care. And it's not the only thing you care about, and it might not be, in your list of priorities, top three. But because this is your marriage and theoretically/hopefully your only one, I do think you care enough about what your family feels and how you feel your family treats you and your partner to consider making compromises that work that don't compromise you.

Dana: Yes. And I think what this has brought up for me is⁠ it's like it started off⁠—and even when I wrote this question, I was like, "Oh, I'm going to be a little sassy and write"⁠—it's like I felt like I was reaching out in a⁠—not a sarcastic⁠—like a genuine, but kind of a little bit of a sassy way.

Jessica: Of course.

Dana: And then, after I submitted the question, so much anger came up. And I think just thinking about⁠—yeah, I'm already feeling betrayed, and I haven't even given people an opportunity to show up.

Jessica: That's exactly it. That's exactly it. And this is⁠—

Dana: So it's care, but it's not like, "Oh, because I"⁠—I mean, maybe on some level, it's like, "Because I love you so much and I want you there," but also, I have some rage stuff that's happening. And it's making me want to cut people out.

Jessica: Yeah. What's happening is that there is a part of you that wants to act out as a way to prove that you have a right to live how you live and do what you're doing.

Dana: Yes.

Jessica: And that is not the best way to start your adult marriage, whether it's a legal government marriage or not.

Dana: Sure. Sure. It's like an act of rebellion.

Jessica: Yeah, which centers them, because when you're rebelling against something or someone, you're centering the person that you're rebelling against. You're not actually centering your choices. You're centering your defensiveness around your right to make those choices⁠—

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: ⁠—which is not romantic or sexy or fun. It's not a good memory. And so I love that you haven't sent out your invitations yet. And I do wonder⁠—because part of what I'm hearing is that having a wedding and not inviting any family, that doesn't really make sense for you. Is that correct?

Dana: Yeah. I think it would just be a different thing. It would be like a party. But we have been talking about it as a wedding.

Jessica: Mm-hmm. There are so many ways that you could make a family-oriented component before the party, and you could say, "You are invited to the party, but it is going to be this very Queer dance party. So I'm guessing that it might not be exactly your scene." But I would first, "Why don't we"⁠—you could do a reception. So you could just have cocktails and snacks. You could do a meal. I'm not a wedding expert, as you know.

So there's a lot of things that I think happen in the world of weddings that you could do some small part of that would include them and hold space for your love and the life that you're trying to build as an adult that doesn't require you to feel like shit about yourself or to feel like shit about them. And part of a wedding, if we're being totally honest⁠—and this is, of course, coming from the least romantic person about weddings in the world, but part of the thing about a wedding is inviting your friends and family to give you prezzies. Am I wrong?

Dana: I mean, we've been⁠—it's just fitting into the kind of rebellion thing where it's like, "We're not doing a registry. We're not asking anyone for help." I think there's a lot of protection that we've been trying to build around giving people an opportunity to say anything about⁠—

Jessica: Uh-huh. About how you do a thing. So, again⁠—

Dana: Yeah, and I think it's coming from a place of fear.

Jessica: Yeah. It's defensiveness. It is your partner the same age as you?

Dana: Yeah. We're six months apart.

Jessica: Okay. So you're the same age. Yeah. Here's the thing. You are post-Saturn Return, right? Right?

Dana: Yes.

Jessica: Yes.

Dana: Yes, but it was kind of recent.

Jessica: Very, very recent. Very, very recent post-Saturn Return. And one of the things that I think is super important about adult years, which are our post-Saturn Return years, is instead of making choices in reaction to our childhood, in reaction to our parents, in reaction to our community of origin, it's⁠—we get to start making choices that are in embodiment of the kind of fucking adult we want to be.

What's happening now for you is that you're not giving yourself the gift of the choice that you're making; you're doing it in a way that still centers⁠—whether it's how they feel or what they think or your projections into or your fears into what they feel or think. And that⁠—you are robbing yourself. You are robbing yourself. They're actually not robbing you. Maybe they will, but in this moment, it's just you robbing you.

Dana: Yeah, and it tracks for a lot of different areas of my life. So I'm already feeling⁠—it's like that hit a little bit.

Jessica: Okay. Okay.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: Sorry/you're welcome⁠—both.

Dana: Thank you.

Jessica: You're welcome. You're welcome.

Dana: I'll be fine.

Jessica: Yes. So I think that there's two things that really come up for me around this. One is I'm going to come back to the prezzies thing, because whether or not you make⁠⁠—unless you say, "Do not give us a present," which⁠—people still will give presents because it's a wedding, right? Because it's not like you're saying, "Come to a celebration of our love." You're saying, "Come to our wedding." The word "wedding" has meaning, right?

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: Like I could say, "I'm having a party," or I can say, "I'm having a birthday party." And if I'm having a birthday party, even if I say, "Don't bring prezzies," some people will, right? Everyone's going to be like, "Oh my God, Jessica. Happy birthday." Right? A wedding is a thing. And you are, my very, very Capricorn friend, having a thing that has centuries of meaning behind it. Everybody has a feeling about what a wedding means. Right? There's a definition to this.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: So I want to call you into the messiness of your intention around what it means to have a wedding. Now, I don't mean to suggest that you can't have a fucking Queer-as-hell wedding, that you can't have an alternative wedding. But it's like you're changing the definition without creating a new definition.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: And so, of course, people are going to handle it poorly because you haven't told them how to handle it correctly.

Dana: Yeah. That sticks.

Jessica: Okay. Good. Okay. Good.

Dana: I'm like, "You just know, obviously. If you had done your research about Queer people, then you would just know and shut up."

Jessica: Okay. So here's a fun fact.

Dana: It's how I feel.

Jessica: I came out of the closet before you were born, and I don't know what you mean by Queer wedding, because I've been to lots of different Queer weddings, but they haven't been exactly what you're describing. I don't know what you're talking about inherently. I could psychic it if I was trying, but just based on what you've told me, my Gay ass has no firm clarity about what you mean because you're both saying you're getting married and you're not getting married; it's a party, but it's a wedding. So you're giving me mixed messages.

Dana: Oh my God. It sounds so arrogant.

Jessica: No.

Dana: It sounds so arrogant.

Jessica: No. No. I don't think it is. I think what it is⁠—and I won't speak for your partner, because your partner is not in this reading, and I'm not actually looking at them energetically right now at all. But I think what is happening is that you want two things at the same time that a little bit contradict each other, and you're not fully owning that piece. I mean, I have been to different kinds of weddings in my life, and some of them⁠—they don't get government married; some of them, they do, but it's more traditional than others or whatever. But usually, when people say "wedding," they mean wedding.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: They mean wedding. They mean, "Now we are married. We want you to celebrate that we're making this choice in public." Right? It's a thing. It's a thing. It's a thing.

Dana: Yeah. My mind is racing around right now trying to figure out how I would describe the intention behind it. And I'm coming up with⁠—I have like 25 different things, and they all sort of contradict each other.

Jessica: Okay. Good. That's great because what that means is, 150 percent, people will disappoint you. Right? It's a setup. And that's good for you to become more aware of because with more awareness, you have more choices⁠—because you are fucking entitled to be in love with somebody who has 25 different ideas of what it means to be married, just like you do, and the two of you go forth and say, "We're going to get married, but we're not going to get married. And we're going to have a party, but it's not going to be a traditional party." The two of you are on the same page with this, right?

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: But when you invite your family of origin and you don't give them definitions or clarity and you don't even have clarity, then, again, you're robbing yourself because you could say to them, "We're having this party because we're super in love. It's not exactly a wedding, but it's a celebration of our intention to be together forever." Or you could say to them, "We're getting married, and you're invited." And those are very different statements. They're going to be heard very differently.

Dana: Yeah. I think there's a part of me that almost has been wanting to use this as an opportunity to tell people in my family that I don't like them or I don't like their husbands.

Jessica: Okay. Excellent. Good. So here's my question to you. Do you want to use your wedding to drop those bombs?

Dana: No. That's⁠—I mean, it's sad. But also, yeah.

Jessica: Mm-hmm. Okay. So this is really important. It's your fucking wedding, and you can do what you want. There is a song: "It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to."

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: You can play that song as long as you like. You are allowed to use this as a way to basically be like, "Fuck you. Middle finger in your face, fuck you." It won't work⁠—I'll tell you that⁠—because nobody is going to see your beautiful Queer wedding and think, "Oh, my marriage is bad." Nobody's going to do that. They're not going to get the message that you have, because you're not actually communicating the message.

Dana: Yeah. Thank you for saving me the trouble.

Jessica: Yes. Yes. Yeah. And also, again, you're robbing yourself. So you're taking this day that's meant to be an embodiment of your choices, and you're centering people you don't like for their choices that you don't like.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: That's not what you want, because what that does is it creates a foundation⁠—if there's a reason to get married, if the reason to get married is to be like, "We are starting something here and now. We are putting a flag down for our love one way or another," then if you have it embedded in that foundation fuck-yous to other people, centering people who you think have made bad choices, then you put resentment in your foundation.

Dana: Yeah. I'm feeling that right now.

Jessica: Yeah. You don't want that. You for sure don't want that.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: And also, you can, if it's actually important to you to be like, "My big, fat, delicious, Queer life is this, and I'm comfortable with making you uncomfortable with it because you've made me uncomfortable with your traditional straight life"⁠—if that's important to you, again, may I introduce you to an awkward dinner? An awkward dinner is a traditional, time-honored thing with family wherein you can actually make a commitment to your partner that is heartfelt that you're also aware is educating your family of origin. "We are choosing each other in this egalitarian way. We are doing this because... What it doesn't mean is x."

If that's important to the two of you, you can do that. But I want to encourage you to not rob yourself of the joy of the party that celebrates your very Queer life by centering people that aren't going to be respectful of it or are just going to be so overwhelmed that they don't know what to do, and then you're going to read that as judgment.

Dana: Yeah. I think part of the anxiety around this question for me, too, is⁠—and maybe this is because I'm just⁠—like what you said about just being on the other side of Saturn Return and having this kind of relationship to my childhood being pretty charged up. I'm thinking about not being able to handle other people's discomfort, or being triggered by it and then not enjoying a night that we've spent money on and are looking forward to.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, listen. I don't think there's an age that a person gets to where we stop caring about our family at all. If you're the kind of person who's going to bother to invite your family somewhere, you are also inevitably the same person who cares about those people. Now, you might care about those people with resentment and defenses and insecurities and judgments and all that stuff, but you still care about them. If you didn't care about them, you wouldn't invite them. I mean, the opposite of love is not hate. It's apathy. And you are not apathetic enough towards your family of origin that you're not thinking about inviting them.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: So, if you were to bring them someplace that they would not understand, that would not resonate for them, yeah, they're going to make you feel bad. They're going to make you feel awkward. You're going to have people watching you party.

Dana: Yeah. Yeah. I've thought about that, like sort of a fishbowl.

Jessica: Yeah. Why would you do that to yourself?

Dana: I don't know. It sounds horrible.

Jessica: And I'm assuming that most of your friends are around your age.

Dana: Yeah, within like ten years.

Jessica: So 20s/30s or 30s/40s, or somewhere between 20s and 40s?

Dana: 30s/40s.

Jessica: Okay. 30s/40s.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: And I'm guessing most of your family is older than that.

Dana: My parents are gen X, and my siblings are all younger than me. So there's⁠—

Jessica: Okay. So your siblings are young. But the siblings are actually⁠—we're going to have a different conversation about your siblings.

Dana: Okay.

Jessica: We're talking about the extended family. They're all older than that, right?

Dana: Yes.

Jessica: And I want to just ground you into, my very Capricorn friend, the fact that you're inviting a bunch of old people to a dance party.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: So let's pull out the Queerness. Let's just pull out the Queerness, which is impossible, but let's pretend, right? What are they going to do? They're not going to fucking dance. They're not going to dance. They're not going to party. They're not going to party. They're older people. So, again, you're setting yourself up. There is an inevitability⁠—even if this was a super straight party, the way that you're planning this party is not really older-people-friendly.

Dana: Sure. Yeah. And we've kind of explicitly not invited people's kids, too. That's because I work with kids.

Jessica: Okay.  Okay. Okay.

Dana: I don't want to be at work.

Jessica: So this is really clear, right? You know the kind of party you're trying to have. And I think that this is really, really important. Again, what I think we're just really coming to is bringing your family of origin to this celebration of your love and the start of your marriage⁠—it's an act of self-harm. And also, it's motivated by resentments. It's not motivated by, "I want you to enjoy this, and I feel proud, and I want you to feel good about this, too."

So it's a great thing that you haven't sent out the invites yet. It's a great thing that your parents haven't helped you yet⁠—either of your parents haven't helped you yet⁠—because you might be able to say, "Hey, we've been thinking about doing this thing where we have just a dinner party for the family. Would you be able to help at all?" And they can say no, but they can say yes. And you don't have to feel guilty for asking because you are doing it for your family.

And I will say, traditionally, weddings are not for the couple. Weddings are for the in-laws. They're for the family, which is on the very long list of reasons why I'm not getting married. But that is the reality of wedding.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: The amount of readings I've given in my career about the tragedy of compromising for family of origin for what you want for a wedding⁠—I've given so many readings about it because that is true for even very traditional straight couples. It's just part of the choice of becoming family because you're bringing in your family of origin when you choose to become family with each other. You don't have to do it that way, but you are doing it that way of your own design.

Dana: I know. I'm thinking, like, "Wait. Maybe we could 180, though, and not do it."

Jessica: And not do it at all.

Dana: Which is where we were at for like a year and a half.

Jessica: Mm-hmm.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: So you can do that. Let me throw something else in the mix because you have a Scorpio Rising, and you have Pluto conjunct your Ascendant. You go into extremes. So you're like, "Either they're invited to the dance party that is going to be super Queer, or they're invited to nothing; they're cut out of the story."

And what I'm suggesting is⁠—or maybe you set the intention that one year after your wedding, you're going to have a dinner party for your family of origin, and it will be like you're like, "Oh, look. We've come together, and we want to now bring the family together. This is how our Queer life is doing it." Maybe you do⁠—the week before your dance party wedding, you do a family wedding, a family dinner reception.

I want to just give you multiple options because that part of you that's like, "It's either/or," is not your happy place parts; it's your defensive parts. And if what you're doing is building a foundation with your betrothen, the less it can be about resentments, the better for you and for them.

Dana: Yeah. That makes sense.

Jessica: Now, the thing about your siblings⁠—how old are they? What's the youngest one?

Dana: She's 21. She'll be 22 in May.

Jessica: Oh, great. Okay. So they're adults. Just invite them to the wedding.

Dana: Yeah. I'm not as worried about my siblings⁠—

Jessica: Correct.

Dana: ⁠—and I'm not as worried about my parents.

Jessica: Correct.

Dana: They're great allies in the way that they show up for my partner and I, but then the other people that come with them sometimes is where I get really stuck. And I feel that way about straight friends, too.

Jessica: Yeah. That's real.

Dana: It feels like the amount of exposure that I've had to predatory or just abusive straight cis men through my really close straight cis girlfriends has been coming up for me a lot lately in the last year.

Jessica: So there's⁠—okay. So there's the part that's about straight cis guys, which we'll acknowledge and then leave to the side.

Dana: Sure.

Jessica: And then there's the part about your family and your wedding. From what I'm seeing astrologically and psychically, your siblings are not the problem. You can invite your siblings; be like, "Hey, it's going to be very fucking Queer. You are welcome to dip at any time. You do not need to stay. Come. Have fun. Leave when it's not fun anymore." And that'll be easy.

I think you can say the same thing to your parents. They'll come for the first two hours, and they'll go home. That's what it looks like. It looks like they'll stay, but when it's not fun or when they can't be supportive, they'll leave.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: So that looks to me like it's not a problem. And I want to acknowledge that you can talk to them about the idea of including more family in another venue and the pros and cons of it and still invite them to your actual very, very Queer wedding.

Now, I think that there is a part of you that just wants this wedding to be a little bit of a "fuck you" to the repressive parts of cis straight world. And if that's the case, what I want to encourage you to do is sit with those feelings, certainly through the Eclipse. Sit with those feelings. Sit with them. Sit with them. Sit with them. Sit with them. Feel them so that you can understand, is part of your motivation for getting married actually about resentment? Is part of your motivation for having this party pageantry of a sort? And all wedding is pageantry. That's not inherently unusual or whatever. But is it a pageantry of, like, "Fuck you"?

Dana: Yeah, no, I feel that.

Jessica: Yeah. And if that's the case, maybe you and your partner agree on it, and that is your choice as a team. You're a team. You get to make that call. But if that's not what you want⁠—the wedding isn't in two weeks or anything, right? You have time to make changes?

Dana: No. We have time to make changes.

Jessica: Yeah. All of this to say, when I was prepping your chart for our reading, I was like, "Oh, look. There's no challenging transits. That's unusual." There's no challenging transits happening to you. That's really unusual. Usually, when people reach out to me, there's some shit going down. But there isn't shit going down. And so this is mixed news I'm going to give you. Your misery is by your own design. You are the architect of your own problems⁠—

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: ⁠—because your family isn't fucking with you. You're fucking with you.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: And this brings me to a little bit of a contradiction again that I've kind of spoken to but I'll speak to one more time, which is you do want to get married. You are very young, and you are still like, "I'm going to get married. I'm getting married." That's not unusual. That's not bad or good. It is, however, a little heterotypical.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: Sorry. I don't mean to hurt your feelings in any way. And again, that's not bad or good. But I think you have bad feelings about it, and so you're compensating for those bad feelings by being like, "Fuck you all. I'm so Gay." And you are. I'm not going to take your Queerness from you. I'm not going to even come near it. But I do want to acknowledge there's a mixed message that you're holding in your heart around this.

Dana: Yeah. And I think it's a feeling my partner and I share. And we had talked about getting married, but I think it was something that we were saying to each other early on in our relationship just as an expression of, like, "Oh my gosh. I want to be with you forever."

Jessica: Right.

Dana: And then, when their dad died, for me it came up really strongly as wanting to make a commitment that going through grief together was not just going to be a thing that I wasn't taking on as a life partner. But we're not strictly monogamous. There's lots of other parts of our relationship that are not⁠—I feel kind of square peg, round hole with even the word "wedding."

And I'm wondering if the family part was really just about wanting to show everyone that I was going to be⁠—like I'm okay and my life is good and I'm like a normal adult, and everyone can stop speculating about that, which yeah, really feels like some architecture shit.

Dana: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Listen. You have 700 million planets in Capricorn in the house of Taurus. You are conventional in some ways. Now, Uranus is in the mix, and it queerifies everything. But it is not bad. There's nothing negative, inherently, to have the traditional value of "I have a person that is my person that I want to commit to, and I want the world to know that I've committed. And I am choosing a path in this life, and I want my family to know that I'm not choosing it alone, that someone loves me."

There is nothing you need to feel bad about, and there's nothing inherently unqueer about it. There's nothing that you should feel bad about, but you do. And because you do, what you're doing is out of alignment, right? And I don't know⁠—is it the word "wedding" that's out of alignment? I actually don't think it is. I actually think wedding is in alignment. I mean, the reason why your romantic life was like you falling in love with this person, and you're like, "I'm going to marry you"⁠—that is a part of you that⁠—that's what you would think, not, "I'm going to buy you a boat."

You went straight to marriage. There is a lot of different ways that that sentiment can be expressed, but you went straight to marriage. This has nothing to do with monogamy. It has nothing to do with being straight or not straight or cis or not cis. It just has to do with the way in which you love and the way in which you feel and are setting intentions to be with someone and be there for someone, right?

And I think that if you give yourself and your partner more space to get clear about what you're doing and why, you will then be able to figure out the cleanest, healthiest motivations for involving your family of origin or not. And you don't have to involve your family of origin past your immediate family. And if you do, you can do it any fucking way you want.

But I do encourage you to not set yourself up for something that's going to make you feel bad and make them feel bad and rob you of the pure enjoyment of this very dynamic Queer wedding party that you have planned.

Dana: Yeah. No, it doesn't feel good to go about it in an antagonizing way because that's not point.

Jessica: Which is why there is the question. Right. It's not the point. It's not the point. And also, I will say, when I look at your family, it's not like I'm looking at Trump supporters and people who are like, "Yeah, fuck all those Queers. Fuck all those Trans people." Am I correct about that?

Dana: There's one.

Jessica: One.

Dana: There's one who's like that, but the rest are not.

Jessica: Yeah. It doesn't look like it. It looks like⁠—I mean, they're not like Queerdos in San Francisco, but they're like middle-of-the-road liberals.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah.

Dana: I would say that they're⁠—and they're mostly artists. They're very progressive and have shown me⁠—like they love me in ways⁠—especially my parents and my siblings, they've loved me in ways that actually do feel really good. I think it took me⁠—I came out to my mom when I was like 25, and I had been sitting on it for like 14 years.

Jessica: Okay.

Dana: And I think I really, really struggled with that transition. It wasn't because I was afraid of her politics.

Jessica: It was about you.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: You could have come out to her when you were a teenager, but it was about you.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: Again, you don't get seven million planets in Capricorn and just be unequivocally weird. That's not a thing. As a triple Capricorn myself, I feel myself like I'm very conservative. I'm very normie. I know I'm not in a lot of ways, but there is those parts. When you have a lot of personal planets in Capricorn, so not just that millennial generation Neptune/Uranus, but when you have personal planets in Capricorn, you have a part of you that is always going to be holding yourself up against mainstream normal culture, which is straight. And again, nothing in your chart makes me think that comes from your parents at you. It comes from the world.

Dana: It's really like self-disciplining is how it feels.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. And so there are so many problems that you have, and there are so many problems that you will have. "Why create a problem?" is what I say. And this is a little bit of you creating the problem because it somehow feels easier than just sorting through the emotions on your own.

Dana: Yeah. The emotions feel really intense.

Jessica: Yeah. They are. They are really intense. That's real. You're not wrong. But again, if you're going to bother creating your own family, if you're going to bother getting married, do it on your terms. Do it in your way. And again, I will say straight gate, other. Most people compromise around wedding planning. That's a thing. That's like a normal thing. But it's important that you do it with clarity about what you're compromising about instead of setting yourself up to feel bad because you're inviting somebody to do something that you know everybody's going to be uncomfortable with. Literally every person is going to be uncomfortable, right?

So will you say your partner's name for me?

Dana: [redacted].

Jessica: I mean, you guys are very aligned with this, which is why you went so far in such a weird direction with this "fuck you" wedding plan kind of thing.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: You're very aligned with this. And while I think it's a bad idea to make a spite wedding, if the two of you agree with each other and the two of you are like, "Yeah, let's do a fucking spite wedding," then that's your choice to make. And I want to be really clear about this, is that you have choices. You have choices. You get to choose whatever kind of marriage you want to have. But you are planning a marriage one way or another.

And the best thing that I think you can do is to make sure that it's not a reaction to other people; instead, it's an embodiment of who you are and what you want to invest in moving forward. That's my hope for you. You don't have to do shit. You get to do whatever you want. That's the whole joy of adulthood. It's also the pain in the ass of adulthood, but it's the joy of adulthood. That said, do you have any questions for me?

Dana: I think just even thinking about navigating the feelings that come up when it's not like an all-or-nothing⁠—and I know I have some struggles holding boundaries for myself. And so just the feelings that come up anticipating having those kinds of conversations or even just doing that work with myself, I'm already stressed. And so I'm wondering if there's any strategies I can use, based on my chart, to not be so stressed out about that.

Jessica: I'm not actually sure why you're stressed. I don't think you're sure why you're stressed⁠—

Dana: No.

Jessica: ⁠—because you were willing to have kind of a spite wedding where you were like, "Fuck you," to all your family members. But sorting through the feelings of it feels too stressful. That's interesting, right?

Dana: I'm like a lightweight confrontational person. I'll do the confrontation. I'll speak my truth. I'll be really firm. And then I'll go home, and I'll freak out about it.

Jessica: Right. Right. Right, right, right. You panic is what it looks like.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: Panic, because you do have Neptune very close to your Sun. So I think the thing that might help you is getting some structure here, right? I would encourage you to maybe come up with some questions, maybe for yourself, maybe with your partner, about why you're getting married. Why get married? Because, again, every time I say "married," your energy pulls back.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: Every time. I keep on saying the word because your energy pulls back like, "This is not what I'm doing. No, that's not me, exactly."

Dana: I'm like, "I don't want you to see me that way."

Jessica: It's so interesting, so weird of you. Either get married and be fucking stoked that you're getting married, or don't get married, right? Because there's actually not a rush. There's no reason to get married if you don't want to be married. But if you do want to get married, then why feel shame and guilt about it? So that's where you start. Why are you getting married?

Have you queerified your relationship to the concept of marriage sufficiently? Because obviously, I think you have not, because you've got a defensiveness there. And whenever we experience defensiveness, it's because something that we're doing is out of alignment. That's the only reason why you feel defensive, right? And that thing might be you're doing the right thing, but you haven't decided to own it. Maybe that's the way you're out of alignment. But it's still out of alignment some way, right?

What is your definition of marriage? What is the point? What is the value of getting married? What are the gifts of getting married? What is the structure that you might want to attribute to marriage? And that might mean any number of things. But these are questions to start exploring and asking yourself. Is there something inherently wrong with straight culture? Is there something inherently wrong with using some of the tools of straight culture in your Queer life?

There's not right or wrong answers, but there's your truth at this time. And all that Capricorn in the second house is like, "There's right and wrong." And what I want to affirm for you is there's not right and wrong. There's right and wrong for you at this time. So it's about owning what's authentic to you. And I don't think you're going to be able to do this without panic, to be honest, because obviously it makes you uncomfortable.

And you're willing to almost passive-aggressively provoke circumstances that entitle you to getting married. That's kind of the plan you've got here, right? It's like this weird workaround that is you robbing you. It's you robbing you. And what would happen if your fucking family showed up and they were a little awkward, but they didn't do anything wrong, and then they left? That would also make you feel weird⁠—

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: ⁠—because inviting them to a very, very Gay dance party is actually not in alignment for you. It's just⁠—it's not. And it's not because they don't belong there, actually. That's not the reason why.

Dana: Yeah. It's funny that you used the phrase "passive-aggressive" because I think that's one of the reasons I don't like that part of the family. My father's so passive-aggressive. So to hear that I'm [crosstalk 00:45:32]⁠—

Jessica: Being a little passive-aggressive. Yeah. I mean, it's a cultural thing, right? It's a cultural thing that is consistent with your cultural background, right?

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: It's like a white Protestant thing; is it not?

Dana: Which is that side of the family. The other part of my family is like Jewish socialists.

Jessica: So the part that you're more comfortable inviting is⁠—

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: Mm-hmm.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: So listen. The part of you that comes from the cultural background of "We don't speak to things directly. We smile pleasantly. We are polite. We are indirect with the things we disagree with, and we are direct with the things we agree with"⁠—right? That white Protestant part of your background, right?

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: ⁠—is alive and well inside of you. And it is driving the car more than you want it to. And the reason why it's been driving the car is because you've repressed it. So you didn't clock it, because you're so busy actively trying to repress it. And what I want to say is our cultural background is our cultural background. It's not bad or good. I mean, of course, there are things. Of course, there are things.

Dana: Sure.

Jessica: But it's more about identifying and accepting, "Oh, this is what I come from, and this is what is in my epigenetics, and this is in my cultural upbringing. This is what is inside of me. How do I want to orient in response to it?" because this plan, this what I'm dubbing "spite wedding"⁠—it is a little passive-aggressive. It's a setup. You're setting yourself up as much as you're setting them up, but it's a bit of a setup.

And in the short term, your coping mechanisms are telling you, "It is better for me to act like I'm inviting people in good faith when I know I'm not" than figuring out how to understand why you're not, because they're actually not your enemies. And maybe there's a part of you that would feel more radically Queer if they were or something.

Dana: Yeah. I've thought about that, not that it would be easier, but just that it would be different.

Jessica: It would be different. How does it track to have a family that's not especially educated about Queer issues and not especially progressive, but totally fine? They're going to get it wrong sometimes, but they're fine⁠—because that's actually closer to your situation.

Dana: I was worried this was going to be about whiteness, and it feels like it's what I'm hearing right now.

Jessica: A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. I mean, it's not just about whiteness. It's about white⁠—yeah. No, I guess it is. Yeah. It's about whiteness. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And it is about your own ability to be yourself without having to be yourself in reaction. And again, I know I've said this before, but I'm going to say it again. The most important thing is, if you're building a foundation, that you build it with clarity and with intention.

And again, I'm sure you have plenty of problems. You'll have plenty more in life. Don't worry. You'll have plenty of problems. Don't generate problems where they don't exist. There isn't, in your family of origin, any kind of meaningful oppression that I'm seeing, which is great. It doesn't mean you don't feel bad. It doesn't mean that you're not entitled to feeling bad or left out or whatever because being Queer is being different, and every Queer person understands straight culture, but not every straight person understands Queer culture. And even within Queer culture, there are so many Queer cultures.

What separates me and you⁠—I mean, we live in the same area. We're both Queer. But I mean, we're separated by time. I'm much older than you, right? So it's like there's cultural differences there. But we could be the same age and have cultural differences within our Queerness. And there can be misunderstandings there, too. But they're not rooted in oppression, repression, cruelty. They're rooted in a need to communicate where we're coming from and what our values are so that we can kind of have mutual understanding.

Dana: Yeah. I'm feeling really embarrassed right now.

Jessica: Oh no. I'm so sorry. That's terrible.

Dana: Not by you, but just kind of in general.

Jessica: Okay. So let's stay with that for a minute because this is a pattern for you. There's a blustering that comes up. Your Saturn in a fixed sign square to your Pluto in a fixed sign can kind of be aggressive. And then, once that kind of deflates, the Neptune kicks in.

What I want to ground you into is you haven't done anything wrong. Having these complicated feelings is not wrong. It's complicated. It's complicated. And if you can give yourself permission to be fucked up and complicated, then you have to give other people permission to be fucked up and complicated. And I think this is really, at its crux, where the struggle is, is that there's a part of you and your partner that are like, "We're going to do this fucking radical, cool thing as a team. And we're going to pit ourselves against others." And it comes from a kind of rigidity inside of yourselves. And some of it's fun. And some of it's hot. And some of it's politically a yes, like ideologically a yes.

What's going to help you moving forward is to think, "Okay. There has to be a dial," like an old-school analog dial, so that you can turn up and down the volume on that so that the two of you can have that, but then also recognize where it needs to be at a ten and where it doesn't, where it serves you to be a ten and where it doesn't. And you 100 percent are allowed to be wrong, make mistakes, overdo it, underdo it.

And it's really important that you give yourself permission to do that without beating yourself up because part of what I'm seeing is that overwhelm that you were asking me about and you were like, "Okay. Well, how do I even approach these emotions?"⁠—so we started to talk about it, and then the embarrassment comes in. So what the embarrassment does is it shuts you down so that you just can't anymore. You can't explore. Then you get stuck in this one place because it's either like entitlement or embarrassment, or whatever it is, whatever the high/low of these emotions are.

And what I want to encourage you to sit with in this moment and then whenever embarrassment comes up is, "Okay. I'm embarrassed that I made a mistake or that I was on the verge of making a mistake"⁠—more accurately. You didn't actually make the mistake, but you were on the verge of making a mistake. "Okay. Can I learn from this? Can I apply what I'm figuring out?" because you have all this fucking Capricorn in you. And Capricorn can be very conservative, but it's a conservationist's zodiac sign.

So there's a difference between conservatism and conservation, right? Conservatives will tell you that they're conservationists. They're fucking not, as we know. There is a way that you can conserve your energy by actually learning from mistakes and failings and all this kind of thing. So it's applying the lesson. That's all you need to learn to do, is to apply the lesson so that you don't lose time and energy on guilt or resentment. They're both kind of the same thing. They're completely not, but they are.

Dana: Yeah. I've never had my chart read before, and I think part of the reason is because I know I have so much Capricorn. But I feel like a fail⁠—I feel like I'm a failure Capricorn, like I can't actually⁠—

Jessica: Can I tell you how many questions I get for the podcast saying, "I'm a failed Capricorn"? It's so weird. I don't know why people think they⁠—you can't fail your zodiac signs. And why do you think that? Where does that come from?

Dana: I think I know other people who have a lot of Capricorn placements who have great jobs and just seem to kind of have their shit together and make decisions that seem to just be a little bit more⁠—like if you're going to have that conservatism, make choices that are in alignment with it, whereas I feel like I have that sort of emotionally, like my compass is aligned with it, but I don't make decisions that actually support part of me because I think it's kind of dumb. I don't want to be like that.

Jessica: Here's the thing. Comparing yourself to other people is a huge waste of your time and energy, obviously, all the time, in all contexts. Let's just be realistic. Comparison is the thief of joy. The other thing is the last few months, you've been 30, and you're about to get married. I mean, that seems pretty on-fucking-track for typical Capricorn development, right? Having a career or having a marriage⁠—they're the two biggies that you tend to expect from Capricorns around Saturn Returny time. So you say you're not a typical Capricorn, but I don't see it that way as an astrologer because you're literally reaching out about your marriage.

Dana: Okay.

Jessica: This is like a very Capricorn⁠—you know what I'm saying? But this is the thing, is you're comparing yourself to very specific people with very specific things. God willing, you're not comparing yourself to me. I'm your parents' age, right? So, hopefully, you're not comparing yourself to people who are your parents' age, because what would be the point of these many years in between my age and your age if not growth and development?

All to say there's no wrong way to be a Capricorn. There's only living in alignment and not living in alignment. And there are ways that you are absolutely living in alignment, and there are ways that you are not, like every other 30-year-old on the planet ever since time began, period. Okay? At 30, I know that there's so much pressure that people place on themselves. They're like, "Oh my God. I'm 25. I'm a quarter of a century." Every 25-year-old says that to themselves. "I'm a quarter of a century old."

You start telling yourself how old you are in your 20s, when most of your adult experiences include your teen years. But at 30, some of your adult experiences, you include your teen years in your thinking⁠—most people, right? Because you're young still. You're very young. So give yourself the space to figure out what kind of person you want to be because the truth of the matter is having all that Capricorn in the second house means that all that ambition and that conservatism is⁠, some astrologers will say, about money⁠—I won't, because I'm a fucking anti-capitalist, and also because you have Neptune in the second house. So that gives you an anti-capitalist bent yourself.

But what it does mean is that all that Capricorn ambition goes towards your value system, towards identifying your values and living with your values. Personally, me, I'm a triple Capricorn, but I'm a twelfth-house Capricorn. All that ambition goes towards my spiritual and internal development because the house is really fucking important. So you don't want to just look at the zodiac signs. You want to look at the house placement because that tells you where that energy gets applied. It gets applied to second-house themes for you.

So it's your values, which is, again, why in our reading I have brought you back to, "What are your values, really?" Figure out what it is that's motivating you. That's your kind of magic door that you can open in yourself. Is career the most important thing to you? Obviously, no. It doesn't matter if you're a Capricorn or not. It's not the most important thing to you. Now, is it important to you? Yes. But is it the most important thing? No.

Your chart is very much pointed towards your personal life. And you're engaged to be married. I don't want to have to keep reminding you, but I feel like I do, is that you're engaged to be married, so you're not off-course. Right?

Dana: Yeah. And I really, really⁠—

Jessica: Unless, of course, you're trying to marry someone you don't like.

Dana: No. I was just going to say I really fucking love this person.

Jessica: Great. My dude, how are you off-course? How are you not Capricorn? You cannot convince me that's not very Capricorn. It's the traditionalist part of you. That's the Capricorn part, right? You're getting married. You got engaged during your Saturn Return. And that doesn't mean you're not a wild and radical Queerdo. You get to be complicated and lots of things at once. We all do. What really, I think, a lot of this is about is you giving yourself permission to be what you are.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: It's not about you needing permission from your family. Your family⁠—eh, it doesn't matter, actually. They're not going to stop you from doing anything, literally anything.

Dana: No, but it matters when they bring something up and I'm not solid enough about it in myself to hold it down.

Jessica: There it is. Yeah. There it is. And I think that in those moments, instead of collapsing or doubling down, which are your two very opposing but most consistent instincts⁠—

Dana: Sure. Yeah.

Jessica: ⁠—to name it for yourself: "Oh shit. This is bringing up something that I don't know what my values are around this. I don't know. I don't know myself right here." Name it. Pull up the notes in your phone. Put in a bullet-point list. "Oh shit. I do not know what I really and truly feel. This feels off. What they're saying feels off, but I don't know why." Write it down, and then return to it. Think about it. Be curious about it. Explore it. Watch fucking TED talks about it or scroll fucking TikTok and put it in the search bar, like "values about marriage," "Queer values about marriage."

Be influenced by lots of people's thinking so that you can explore your own thinking instead of going into basically panic and insecurity or doubling down and getting kind of "fuck you" about it. Both of those things obscure your values from you. And who's got time for that? I mean, technically you, but⁠—

Dana: It takes a lot of time, though.

Jessica: It does. You are robbing yourself. You are stealing from no one but yourself.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: And on the one hand, that's actually good news for you because you're the only one who's going to be helped, and you're the only one who's going to be harmed. So that's actually kind of cool because you get really freaked out when you're harming other people. So you're harming yourself. Congratulations. Let's get motivated for you to do that less.

Dana: Okay.

Jessica: And the way to do that less is to sit with your panicky insecurity feelings and be curious about them so that you can go from guilt to humility. Guilt is a form of self-obsession. Now, in some circumstances, it is not. I'm not speaking about all the feelings of guilt in all the world. With all this Capricorn shit, guilt is a form of self-obsession where you're just returning to yourself and you're like, "Why did I do this? Why did I do this? Why did I do this?" whereas humility is, "I did something that was out of alignment. Oh. I am something that is a little fucked up up in here, and I can own that, and I have to learn." That's humility.

And you are willing to learn. All that Capricorn⁠—you're actually very willing to learn when to get out of your own way, which⁠—I mean, Scorpio Rising with a Pluto conjunction⁠—you're going to get in your way. And also, just being a person, there's no astrological makeup that anyone has that makes them perfect. And there's especially no astrological makeup that anyone has that makes them perfect at the age of 30. That's not a thing. I say the age of 30 like it's so young because I really believe it's so young. And when I was 30, I believed it was so young. As an astrologer, I really can't say enough how young 30 is. And I hope that doesn't sound like a criticism; instead, it sounds like what I mean it for as [crosstalk 01:01:31].

Dana: No. It sounds like a relief.

Jessica: It is a relief because at 29, when you have your Saturn Return, you become an adult. So your 20s are the old age of your youth⁠—your childhood, rather. Your 20s are the old age of your childhood. So now you're not in your childhood anymore. For like a year, you're not in your childhood. That's what that means. So there's a lot of room for you to figure out who the hell you are.

The most important piece of advice I can give you at this point is to practice sitting with and being curious about disappointment, resentment, and frustration. When you experience disappointment, resentment, or frustration in yourself or in others, that's when you need to be curious. I cannot stress this enough. Just be curious. I'm not saying find the answer. Note I am not saying find the answer. I'm saying be curious. Explore. I know you know how to do this. I know you do this in other parts of your life very well.

Dana: Yeah.

Jessica: So apply that curiosity to yourself. Inevitably, you will feel better. I mean, sometimes you won't like what you find and you'll feel worse, but as a practice overall, you will feel better.

So I know we went in deep. I really do hope this was helpful, though.

Dana: It was. It doesn't feel like an easy solution, but I wasn't really expecting that from this.

Jessica: Right. That's fair. That is fair. That is Capricorn-on-Capricorn violence, but it is also Capricorn-on-Capricorn love. So that's what we do.

Dana: But that's why I reached out to you.

Jessica: Right. Right, right, right.

Dana: So I appreciate it a lot.

Jessica: My pleasure.