Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

Jessica: Sebh, welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. What would you like a reading about?

Sebh: So I feel like there's something blocking me in my life, not just a small block, but a very large block in every aspect of my life⁠—spiritually, financially, with relationships and community⁠—and these are extreme blocks and that I will reach a level of, let's say⁠—we'll use the term "success," but you know what I mean.

Jessica: Yeah.

Sebh: And then there is a huge crash where I hit a huge wall. And yeah, I feel like there's something else going on.

Jessica: How long have you felt this way?

Sebh: I would say I really started paying attention after my mother passed, which was maybe 12 years ago.

Jessica: Okay.

Sebh: Something shifted, and I felt like there was something that just⁠—we could say like Sisyphus. That's been my whole life. However, it has intensified in the last decade to the point where I'm kind of suspicious.

Jessica: And we're cool to share your info. You were born March 14, 1973, in Dewsbury, UK, at 10:25 p.m.

Sebh: Correct.

Jessica: So let me actually get a little more picky-picky with your question first. So it started about 10 to 12 years ago, and I'm assuming some of it would be at first attributed to grief and loss.

Sebh: No, I don't think so.

Jessica: Okay. Was it that things started falling apart and not happening, or negative things started happening at that point?

Sebh: Negative things started happening.

Jessica: So it's the experience of actively shit things occurring as opposed to the absence of good things occurring.

Sebh: Correct.

Jessica: Okay. Astrologically, there's not a thing straight off the top of my head that I'm like, "Okay. So this thing has been happening for 12 years." Right? That's not a thing that I'm instantly seeing. So I'm going to have you say your full name out loud, your given name.

Sebh: [redacted].

Jessica: Is that your full name, or are you missing something?

Sebh: No, that's my full name.

Jessica: What's your mom's maiden last?

Sebh: [redacted].

Jessica: That's the one I was looking for. Thank you. Okay. Okay. There's a lot of things happening at once. Well, shit. Okay. Hold, please. Okay. She big. She big. Okay. So I'm seeing a lot of things at once, and I want to just stay watchful of what I'm looking at on an energetic level. And then I want to be a good child of Saturn, and I want to, like⁠—let's deal with more facts. Okay?

So what are the patterns? Are there observable patterns? Because, true story, you're a Pisces. So maybe you're not clocking it like patterns, but are there observable patterns that you've seen?

Sebh: One of the patterns is the spiritual attack to some degree.

Jessica: Okay. So let's start with that, because I'm seeing that you have a very spiritual life, as do I. And we have different takes. We're from different backgrounds, yada, yada. Okay. So I'm going to use my language to define what I'm looking at, and I'm aware that it's different than the language you use. So ask questions, and of course translate as it works for you.

So I'm seeing entity stuff for sure. I'm also seeing really entrenched patterns of self-defense that are kind of like⁠—you know how like in the olden days, they wore, when they went fencing, like a whole⁠—you know, they did it on the Merlin show. You know what I'm talking about. What is it called? Armor.

Sebh: Yeah. Armor.

Jessica: Yeah. Armor. Okay. So what I'm seeing is full-body armor, but it's not made out of metal. What it's made out of is brittle fucking '70s plastic. It's cracking. It's not working for you. But these are the two most important things that I saw straight away when I looked at you energetically is both entity stuff, which⁠—we can refer to entities as lots of different things, but I'll call them entities.

And then I'm also seeing coping mechanisms that, in a moment, kept you safe but at this time are just keeping you stuck. There's a lack of adaptability and flexibility for you in them, and it's both making you an easier target because you're predictable in your moves, and also, it's just fucking uncomfortable. Does that resonate? Does that make sense?

Sebh: Well, it does and it doesn't in that my spiritual practice has changed significantly. So whatever I used to do as protective mechanisms I no longer do. I do something completely different, and I feel like what I'm doing now is actually helping me.

Jessica: Yes. Okay. So I'm not talking about your⁠—this is good. Okay. We're starting off strong. I'm actually not talking about your spiritual work. I'm talking about the psychological component. Yeah. I'm talking about the psycho-emotional survival mechanisms. I'm talking about those. I'm not talking about the woo.

Hey. Listen. You've got Mercury/Venus/Sun conjunction in Pisces. I mean, you've got Neptune in the first house, Scorpio Rising. The woo⁠—there is a lot of adaptability, and there's such a hypersensitivity there. That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is more of the personality container and less of the soul container.

Sebh: Well, because you said entity, I'm confused about how these relate. That's why I jumped to the spiritual.

Jessica: Of course. Of course. That makes perfect sense. Okay. I'll use a personal example. A number of years ago, I met this person who was dating a friend. This person gave me such terrible entities. Their entities were like, "You look like fun," left that person, jumped into me, and I had physical pain like I can't describe in my arms. And I worked with a healer who cleared it.

Okay. I have had other entity stuff where it's made me paranoid or depressed or yada, yada. So, while all of these things inherently comes from a spiritual source, my experience of it and its expression in my system⁠—and it needs to be cleared through spiritual means, right? But my experience of it and its expression in my system is in a very human capacity; it's in my psychology, my emotional coping mechanisms, and my physical body because, for instance, when I had all that shit in my arms⁠—such a random thing⁠—I happen to have a lot of issues in my hands and my arms. It's where I'm a little physiologically vulnerable.

So, if I wasn't physiologically vulnerable in my arms, would it have hit my arms? Probably not. So, basically, my perception is that we can have spiritual injury, but it shows up not just in the soul or the spirit, but our coping mechanisms⁠—the good, the bad, and the ugly⁠—get impacted, and then they affect our psychology.

So, as a Capricorn, when I get a lot of entity stuff, I'm like, "Oh shit." I get depressive. I get heavy. I get classic Saturn child. And Pisces over there, you, are more likely to be like, "Okay. Well, what's a spiritual answer? What's a spiritual answer? I gotta go straight to the woo." Right? Is the word "woo" okay for you?

Sebh: It's not really my word, but⁠—

Jessica: It's not your word.

Sebh: ⁠—but we get it.

Jessica: What's a better word? What's your better word?

Sebh: I would say going to a spiritual practice, like a practice.

Jessica: Okay. Going to your spiritual practice. Great. So, when I first looked at you energetically, I did see entity stuff, and then that '70s plastic full-body armor⁠—that's the psychological/emotional coping mechanisms, not the spiritual practice, because a spiritual practice⁠—when I'm looking at it for you, it's in the cells of your body, but it's not of your meat suit, per se.

It's bigger than your body and in the universe of your body as opposed to in the⁠—the visual that I got of you actually walking around in this suit, this armor. It's not in that expression of the body. Does this make more sense, what I'm trying to get at?

Sebh: Totally. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. So let me just ask you this since we're going woo. Do you feel any kind of shift in your physical body in this moment?

Sebh: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Great. I also feel it. Something started to move a little.

Sebh: Yeah.

Jessica: Maybe it was like lymph or something, like it started to flow.

Sebh: Absolutely.

Jessica: Okay. Great. So that in itself is an expression, an experience, of this very thing I'm pointing to because I didn't do any energy work on you. You didn't do any energy work on you. What happened was your psyche, your psychological armor, was like, "Oh. Okay. We're naming this thing. That makes me feel safer because now I'm being included in this situation."

All of a sudden, there is more flexibility and less constriction in the psychological and emotional⁠—I'm having a hard time pulling them apart, mental and emotional, for you. So some of it is entity shit, and some of it is coping mechanisms. Yeah, this permeability does come out of your mom's side more than your dad's.

Okay. I'm just going to name what I'm seeing here.

Sebh: Yeah.

Jessica: There is this conviction through the matrilineage that it is your responsibility to feel it. It is your responsibility to experience it. It is your responsibility to⁠—it's almost like keeping this pipeline going. You're supposed to constantly keep this pipeline running.

Sebh: Yeah.

Jessica: I'm sorry. Is it safe to say that you know that is a maladjusted coping mechanism?

Sebh: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Good. Okay. Good. This is good.

Sebh: Absolutely.

Jessica: So there is a part of you⁠—and I'm going to say it is a young part of you. And when I say young, I mean it was the 1970s. That's why I'm getting this 1970s plastic. So, somewhere between birth and eight years old, I'm seeing what happened. So I'm experiencing some classic Pisces⁠—I just got swooshed away, like I lost track of it.

And this is part of your little kid inside. That's one of its coping mechanisms. It's to get distracted, to get confused, to get thrown off course, and also to go rigid, to place yourself in something that is constrictive, restrictive, but also solid, has form. And this part of you, this little kid part, does not agree that it's a maladjusted coping mechanism.

It emphatically believes⁠—as it is holding space as a survival mechanism within you and it did keep you safe at a time, it wholly believes that you are absolutely safest when you hide behind something inanimate because you are too permeable. That's not the word of the little kid, but that's the thing. It's this fear of how much you're feeling, and so you have to hide behind this thing. And it's a sense of, "I have to stay sensitive"⁠—okay. Here it is. Hold on. Let me make sure I'm seeing this right.

It's mixed. It's a mixed bag. One layer of this is this little kid part of you, which is like animal brain part of yourself, that is saying, "My sensitivity is my sensitivity, and without it, I am not me. And so, if I tamp it down in any way, I'm not me. And then I'm in danger." This little kid part of you also feels⁠—oh, wow. That's so interesting. It also feels this really intense sense of existential loneliness, and so it feels like being connected to everything at all moments is this way to assuage this kind of spiritual, existential state of pain of being here at all, like being a person, being in a meat suit. Does this make sense to you?

Sebh: Absolutely

Jessica: This part of you would like to cry and cry and cry and cry and never stop crying until, Alice in Wonderland, you're just drowning in a sea of your own tears. That is what this part wants to do. And because it knows it can't do that, again, it puts on these external structures. And then it feels safe for just a minute. But what happened was you continued to grow and have experiences and develop tools and resources, but this part of you⁠—you have protected it. This is very much yours, and it's also very much like a matrilineal trauma pattern that is just handed down and down and down and down.

And those are always the parts that are hardest to transform because they have this epigenetic gut punch. So it's physiological. It's psychological. It's emotional. It's cultural. And it's spiritual. And you've worked so hard on the spiritual. Oh my God, the spiritual. I mean, yeah, a lot of fucking spiritual up here. But there is a way that it looks like you have unintentionally left that little kid part of you behind because this little kid needs psychological support and not spiritual support, because part of its vulnerability is that it was already like a well-informed 25-year-old spiritually at six.

And six-year-olds don't have any psychological tools. They don't have emotional coping mechanisms yet. That's the part that this part needs, and I see. There's this pattern that I'm seeing that you start to struggle with something. And it may be entity-related, and it may not. It might be just shit in life. It could be either or both. And then you're like, "Okay. There's a problem. I'm going to deal with this problem," and then you pull out this⁠—it's not a bag of tricks.

You have got a wing of your home which is all spiritual resources. You have so many tools. You have a lot of tools. So you start pulling out all of your resources and seeking to divine and heal the problem, divine and heal the problem, divine and heal the problem. But you skip the step where you sit with your young part you allow yourself to just think what you think like a human, feel like you feel like a human, be fucked up, be without resources, be out of control like a human. Does this make sense?

Sebh: It totally does. I mean, it's so obvious that as you're saying it to me, I'm like, "I cannot believe I haven't spent more time with this six-year-old that experienced extreme trauma as a child."

Jessica: Yeah. Extreme trauma. Yeah.

Sebh: Yeah. I mean both in being highly sensitive and being able to track the room and wanting to hold that skill to keep myself safe, to protect myself with that plastic in the '70s as I was growing up being abused. And as you're saying all these things, I'm like, "Of course. I need to actually spend time"⁠—it's so simple.

Jessica: But that's the thing. But that's the thing, is you've developed such nuanced tools, and a lot of them are simple. I'm constantly saying to people, "Oh, don't overcomplicate it with deep analysis. You actually have done some of that and some of the other. But the reason why you've missed this is because of the depth of the pain this part feels. And who amongst us is like, "The most pain I feel, I'll go straight there"? No. Of course, you're like, "Well, if I develop all these other tools around it, maybe it will heal that."

And what you're dealing with now⁠—and it's starting to make me feel like, okay, it does make sense that in some meaningful way, the loss of your mother triggered this because of how human it is to grieve and how it puts us in our most human moments when we're in mourning. And I wonder if you went real deep on spirit both because it was your truth but also as a way to⁠—I don't think you were trying to bypass your inner kid. I think you were trying to help that part of you in the way that you know how, but there's another part coming up.

Okay. This is not what I thought we were doing, but this is what we're doing. Okay. So there's this other part coming up. Do you ever get angry?

Sebh: Yeah.

Jessica: Do you get angry to people? Has any other human experienced your anger?

Sebh: Oh yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. And when you get angry and you're expressing that anger, are you a screamer? Are you a talker? How does it go?

Sebh: I'm mean.

Jessica: Okay. You're a dick.

Sebh: I'm a dick.

Jessica: Okay. And does it remind you of any particular people, of your father, maybe?

Sebh: My mother.

Jessica: Your mom. Interesting. Why am I seeing your dad? You tell me.

Sebh: I don't know.

Jessica: Okay. Let me tell you what I'm seeing. Let me tell you what I'm seeing, and you tell me if I'm misreading it and it's really your mom.

Sebh: Okay.

Jessica: He was restrictive, and if you did something that he deeply disapproved of and didn't like, you would get iced out.

Sebh: Yes, but also more my mother.

Jessica: So it was⁠—both of them did that, but your mother was worse.

Sebh: Yeah.

Jessica: I'm going to focus on your dad, and let me tell you why I'm going to focus on your dad. I have no idea. That's funny because that's what I'm being guided towards. So I'm going to have you say his full name. We will beep this out, of course.

Sebh: Yeah. [redacted].

Jessica: Okay. And are you still in relationship with him?

Sebh: I am.

Jessica: Mm-hmm. Does he live nearby to you?

Sebh: Like a half an hour.

Jessica: Yeah. Nearby. Nearby. Okay. Hold on. Okay. Okay. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Your dad's fascinating. He has, like, a⁠—something jubilant about him, something really expansive and lovely, like open, about him. Is that correct?

Sebh: No.

Jessica: Interesting.

Sebh: Not to me.

Jessica: Okay. Does he have it with other people?

Sebh: I think he has it with his grandsons now.

Jessica: Okay. And does he have it through prayer?

Sebh: I think he has it at the mosque but not⁠—I don't know if he has it through prayer.

Jessica: Okay. So he has it through community but not through prayer.

Sebh: Yeah.

Jessica: Interesting. I'm seeing somebody else. Did you know his dad?

Sebh: Not very well. I met him once.

Jessica: Okay, because there is definitely a man that I'm seeing energetically out of your father's line that has a jubilance spiritually. It's not your dad.

Sebh: It could be my grandfather.

Jessica: The one that you met just the once?

Sebh: Yeah.

Jessica: Okay. Did he have a big, white beard?

Sebh: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. And he had kind of a big smile?

Sebh: Yes.

Jessica: Okay. It is your grandfather. Okay. Great. Do you ever connect with him energetically?

Sebh: No.

Jessica: Fascinating. Okay. And is there a specific reason, or just you haven't?

Sebh: I really was very focused on my maternal line.

Jessica: Respect because of⁠—obviously, you should. But let me ground this. Your grandfather has a love of the spiritual world and of prayer that you do and is a resource and a gift. I'll just throw that out to you. I don't know, if he was walking around town at the same time as you, the two of you would have a lot to talk about. But in the spirit realm, he is a resource. He is a gift. And he has a similar authentic love and passion for what happens in prayer. So let's just name that, okay?

Sebh: Yeah.

Jessica: But let's come back to the part of you that acts like a dick, because that's something I'm interested in. And it is directly related to⁠—I'm coming back here. So we were talking about the part of you that wears that '70s plastic, all cracked, not helpful, not especially strong, just rigid part. And then I started to see⁠—do you mind if I call that part the dick part, or is there a better word?

Sebh: No. I mean, dick is pretty accurate.

Jessica: Okay. Thank you. Okay. Yeah. So I saw that dick part start to come out. And it wasn't at me, and there's nothing personal here. But I started to see it come out. And it's like, again, that part may have very adult language, but it's a very young part. And it's kind of an overcompensation for that vulnerable little part that's just like fucking mush. And mush⁠—anything can smoosh me. And then this dick part comes in, is like, "Or I could fucking murder anything that looks at me sideways."

It's really extreme psychological survival mechanisms. And when we pull it full circle to acknowledge there's some entity shit⁠—right? So there is a psychic attack, and it does affect your physiology as well as your psychology and your emotions. The dick part is rigid. And the smoosh/young part is not rigid, but its coping mechanism is rigid. It hasn't been evolved with you.

And so, before you say anything else, I want to just really encourage you⁠—do you journal?

Sebh: I don't. I used to when I was young.

Jessica: Yeah.

Sebh: The artist way. [crosstalk 00:21:47].

Jessica: Oh yeah. I mean, it's called the '90s. It's called the '90s. Yeah. We did the same thing.

Sebh: Yeah. Morning pages. Love the morning pages.

Jessica: Yeah. Totally. Totally. Totally. But the things you did your whole 20s and 30s sometimes it's hard to keep up. Yeah. Okay. Agreed. Also, I don't want to encourage you to do spiritual work on either of these parts because what they need is psychological and emotional⁠—in that order⁠—support, acknowledgment, engagement, which is where⁠—I get it with journaling. You can't do the same tool forever. It's cheaper than therapy.

Sebh: Right.

Jessica: So I wonder if you may consider⁠—let me just see if this is correct. Hold on. Yeah. I think this would be a good foundation. I'm going to give you homework. You don't have to do it. You're in charge. My homework for you is, whether the mornings or evenings are easier for your natural rhythms, pick whichever one. But pick one, and 11 minutes, 7 minutes⁠—pick an odd number, and then set a timer on your phone. If you want to have nice music that is the same exact music every time or in the family of⁠—it's always nature sounds or whatever⁠—pick something to set the mood because Pisces, right? So it has to be a smell, a sound. Maybe don't use a black pen or a blue pen; get a purple pen or something. I know it sounds silly.

But create a bubble without using woo, without using spiritual practice or spiritual tools. Do not use spiritual practice or tools. Now, I'm not saying don't be yourself. I'm not saying don't be a spiritual person. I'm saying this is a psychological practice of talking to either part, whatever part you feel more called to talk to.

Sebh: Okay.

Jessica: And what this would mean is two things. One is you're acknowledging that part. And the other one is you have to figure out which part of you is acknowledging that part because maybe the writing you do this morning is going to be more about writing as that part, from that part. And sometimes it's going to be like a very different part of you because if you find it's always spiritual you, that's interesting. And eventually, you're going to want to talk to spiritual part because what I'm seeing here that's, I think, incredibly important to acknowledge is that these are parts.

The greatest ambition, of course, is wholeness, to bring all the parts together and to have this beautiful wholeness. And what that means is something that is quite scary to that matrilineal trauma pattern. The matrilineal trauma pattern says, "Uh-uh. I have this fire hose. It's on 24 hours a day. I'm getting all the information. I'm doing my best to heal the planet, to heal my matrilineage, to heal myself, to heal, heal, heal, heal, heal, heal, heal. And I can't stop."

And that part of you that believes all of this⁠—how could it be integrated to the rest of you? It can't be a person because that's not a human thing, right? Does this make sense, what I'm saying?

Sebh: It does.

Jessica: And it is like⁠—oh God, it's a great goal. It's not like I can't identify with this part of yours. But it's also like a kid's goal, like, "I'll heal everything. I'm Superman." It doesn't acknowledge, oh, and also, you have knees. And if you don't stretch your legs, then your knees sometimes hurt. It doesn't acknowledge realities, right?

Sebh: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Which are not limited to the body, but the body is such an obvious, irrefutable thing, right? Hold on. Let me ground. Your guides⁠—let's talk about your guides. You have a relationship with your guides, right?

Sebh: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: And do you use the word "guides," or do you have a different language for it?

Sebh: Guides is fine.

Jessica: Okay. Great. I feel like guides in general are kind of⁠—I mean, they're not dicks, but they're on a different timeline. They don't mind if we suffer for a couple of years as long as we get the lesson. Do you have that experience as well?

Sebh: Exactly. Yeah.

Jessica: They're not dicks, but⁠—we'll say "but." And so, the second I see your guides, I'm like, okay, they're fine with you struggling. They don't mind. As long as you're struggling towards, they're fine with it. This is radically different than that little kid part of you and its maladjusted coping mechanism.

Sebh: When you say, "This is radically different," what do you mean when you say "this"? Do you say "this" as in how they feel about my life's journey?

Jessica: They feel like if you have four years in a row where you're really just knocking your head against a wall, that's okay. They're cool with that. They're not worried at all. That's really, really, really different than that little kid part of you that's like, "I'm going to keep the fire hose on 24 hours a day because I have to to survive." But these two ideas are similar enough that it would fly under your radar. If you're moving fast through life, they're kind of the same idea. But if you really sit with it, yeah, they're radically different ideas.

I just want to affirm something because I'm starting to feel something shift. So the dick part is starting to get activated. And so I want to speak to that part that knows how to self-defend a little bit just to say you can hear whatever I say, and I could be right, and I could be wrong, and it doesn't matter. What matters is what you do with it. You are 100 percent in charge. And I want to just affirm you have free will. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to do anything.

Now, that kicks off the little kid part. So I'm seeing how these two are kind of on a seesaw. They're kind of on a seesaw. And one is up high and taking up all the space and kind of telling you what to do, and then the other one is up high and taking up the space and telling you what to do. Does this make sense?

Sebh: I mean, it's just a really funny image when I think of myself in these ways because I know these parts of myself is a little kid. So just to imagine these two sort of running the show is just hilarious.

Jessica: It is, until you think of it running the show when there's entities in the house. But it is hilarious.

Sebh: Yeah.

Jessica: So here's the thing. I want to just acknowledge it because that part of you, what we're calling the dick part, is there so you don't get bullied. And so consent is incredibly important to you, but that little kid part doesn't feel like it can consent or negate. All it can do is hide or not; be strong enough to deal with anything that comes your way at all or not. Right?

Sebh: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: And so this is where I, your Jessica, want to say to you it doesn't matter if I'm right or wrong. You get to decide what to do with whatever I say. You get to decide. And you can decide to do something with it today. You can decide to do something with it zero percent, never. You can decide to do something with it in six months. It doesn't fucking matter. Well, I mean it matters, but it's not like there is something you must do other than practice tolerating these emotions while staying present with them, noticing when the dick part starts to emerge, and what does it feel like?

Practice noticing, on a scale from one to ten, can you feel it right now, and what number would you give it? Can you feel it right now?

Sebh: No. I mean, I've noticed my body language shift twice in this conversation, and without feeling like I'm being the dick, I feel the dick.

Jessica: That's exactly what it is. You haven't been the dick [crosstalk 00:29:32].

Sebh: Like I'll lean back, and it'll be like, "But I don't feel like I'm engaging in that way, and I don't have that energy," but my body will start being like⁠—and this is the dick.

Jessica: Yeah. There he goes. So, when I felt it, I felt it, on a scale from one to ten, at a two, which⁠—at a two, you're really not going to clock it as much because you don't do any damage to yourself or others at a two. But if you can start clocking it at a two, then you have more agency in how you engage with it. Once it's at a five, a seven, a nine, you're in your trauma pattern. How do you get out of the trauma pattern?

When you start to clock it at those lighter numbers where it's just a little bit of a body language thing, it's a little bit of a shift in the tone of your thoughts⁠—you know, it's a shift; it's a subtle shift⁠—that's where you have a lot more agency. And don't think I forgot about your core question, because you do have some entity stuff, although as I'm looking⁠—

Sebh: Can you⁠—

Jessica: Mm-hmm?

Sebh: Sorry. Can you be clearer, when we're talking about the entity stuff, so that we're⁠—

Jessica: Yeah, on the same page-ish?

Sebh: ⁠—on the same page and how it is impacting me?

Jessica: Yeah. So, before I do that, I'll just say this. When I first looked at you, I thought you had more entities than you do. I think I was like, "Oh, entities, maladjusted coping." They're kind of like⁠—I don't know⁠—six, four, four, six out of ten. But now that I'm looking at it and we've gotten into these parts, honestly, entity's closer to three out of ten, which is good, actually. It's good. The call is coming from inside the house. You know who lives in this house. That's actually good.

Okay. So, when I say "entities," it's like an umbrella. It's like there's a lot of things in the realm of entities. And I will tell you the truth. I go very fucking far out of my way to not work with entities.

Sebh: Of course.

Jessica: So, when I say "entities," I mean parasitic energy forms, which may or may not have cruel or negative intent, but they're parasitic in nature, and so they are harmful therefore.

Sebh: Yeah.

Jessica: That's my umbrella term. And I think⁠—in terms of entity stuff, I think you're actually very aware of it. I think you've done a great job of clearing whatever shit you had. And also, when you're as sensitive as you are, yeah, you're going to fucking have entities now and again, and that's just part⁠—it's like having a lot of food sensitivities. It's like, oh, sometimes you're going to eat shit and you're going to get a stomachache; you're going to get a skin rash. And that's just life a little bit, right?

I think that you have⁠—I'm seeing one thing standing out that is not just run-of-the-mill, like, "Oh, you went to the grocery store, and there's people there, so you got shit." Right?

Sebh: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: There's one thing that you're working out right now, and I don't think you need advice about it, because you're working on it. But even though this spiritual attack stuff/entity stuff is actually⁠—scale from one to ten, it's like a three⁠—your coping mechanisms are kind of keeping you locked in place. And so the experience of it is fucking terrible. It's like an eight, nine. Okay. I have a question for you.

Sebh: Okay.

Jessica: How do you feel about being alive? Thumbs-up, thumbs-down?

Sebh: I mean, so-so.

Jessica: Mm-hmm.

Sebh: Yeah.

Jessica: How about being in a body?

Sebh: Oh, I mean, I'm done. I hope this is my last lap. I hope I never have to come back. I'm so done.

Jessica: Okay.

Sebh: Done, done.

Jessica: That's closer to what I was expecting to hear from you. Okay. Great. Okay. Okay. So that part⁠—first of all, you and me both, okay? No disagreements from this bitch. But this feeling that you have, this psychological and emotional truth of yours, is not just an old coping mechanism; it's also an adult, well-informed, you-read-the-news kind of thing. It's all the things.

But it's feeding into that little kid part. "I don't want to be here. I want to keep hiding and wait for it to pass." And it's important that your psychological awareness meets this part where you're just like, "I'm fucking done. I don't want to do this. This is like, check, got it. Not my favorite. Let's keep"⁠—you know? That part is in this position of, "I want to get up and go." It's constantly trying to jump out of its seat.

And for while you're here⁠—I need to say to that little kid part here, for while you're here, it's important that you find a way to accept that you're here, that this is⁠—whether this is the last time or not, that this is the shape, the assignment, the tools. This is the life⁠—and to give yourself the space you need to have grief about that.

Sebh: See, this part's tricky. Coming to terms with that you're here and this is it⁠—that's fucking sad for me.

Jessica: Yeah. Okay. It is sad. It just is sad. And if you have more tears, then you have more tears. And if you have more suffering around it, you do because acceptance is not consent. Acceptance is self-awareness. It is not consent to accept where you are. It is simply to give yourself the gift of adult self-awareness. And it is a fucking boner, and it is a heartbreak. And it's also a gift, and it's also beautiful, and it's also impermanent, and it's also something that you've done a lot of good with for your own self but also for the world.

It's all of it. It's all of it. It's a mess. It's all of it. It's a mess. And what we're really talking about is, how can you parent yourself? How can you⁠—not heal yourself, fix yourself, magic yourself, call in the best possible intentions and all the things⁠—how can you just parent yourself? How can you give yourself the structure and the kindness and the empathy and the nurturance that your young parts need?

And I will say you got fucking Chiron and Aries in the sixth house. Being in a meat suit⁠—yeah, not for you. It's written in your chart. That's uncomfortable for you. It's not like doing this work is going to ever magically give you Chiron in a different house. You got Neptune in the first house. People with Neptune in the first house⁠—you know what you all have in common? You feel like you were born wrong body, wrong time, wrong station, just fucking off, like the meat suit, the timing, is off.

I'm not saying that that needs to go away, any of that needs to go away. But instead, what I'm saying is let me focus on the Chiron bit. Chiron in the sixth house, right? Chiron is the wounded healer. It is where we are always kind of wounded, but we learn how to heal ourselves and others. So developing a spiritual practice that allows you to engage with your body but also engage day to day in ritualistic spiritual work⁠—that's like⁠—check, right? Yeah. That's what you do, correct?

Sebh: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: And it's not a part of you you would trade out, is it?

Sebh: No.

Jessica: For a million⁠—a million dollars isn't what it once was, but even for several million dollars.

Sebh: No.

Jessica: Okay. But that part⁠—it comes with the, like, "Yeah, I hope this is my fucking last round in the meat suit." They're not different parts. They're different facets of the same part. And so what I'm kind of wanting to bring that little kid around to, and maybe your dick part, too, is the healing, that the grief is the love. They're actually not that different. I mean, of course they're radically different, and also, they're the exact same thing.

Back to your guides, what I'm being shown is your guides are like, "Yeah, we're going to keep on Ring Around the Rosie until you shift your take on it." Okay. Sorry. I see your face. Uh-oh. What? Tell me. What?

Sebh: Just no. I gotta get off the Rosie, friend.

Jessica: You gotta get off the Rosie. Exactly. You gotta get off the Rosie.

Sebh: I gotta get off.

Jessica: So the way to get off the Rosie is to go in psychologically. That's what I'm being shown. And does it mean you're all of a sudden no longer going to be sensitive to entities? No, it does not, sir. It does not. But you already have tools. And sometimes you'll catch it in time, and sometimes you won't. And sometimes you'll have a shitty month, and sometimes you won't. That's not the worst part for you. That's actually not the worst part.

It's the feeling like two steps forward, two steps back, two steps forward, two steps back. That's the problem. But from what I'm being shown, your guides are like, "Yeah, we're hoping that eventually you're just going to be like, 'I don't want to walk into walls. I'm just going to sit with myself and to be kind to myself.' Oh, you didn't do it this time? Cool. That's okay. Try that wall instead. Wait. No, no, no. Okay, you didn't do it with that wall? Okay. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Don't worry about it. We'll just try that wall."

Kind of dicks. Your guides are kind of dicks because they're just like⁠—they don't mind. They don't mind. And this is in part⁠—it's just like that little kid inside of you that's got the fire hose that's always on is just like, "Yeah, of course," because it's always suffering. But no, that's a false equivalency. Instead, what it is is saying, "So you're allowed to titrate. So you're allowed to self-care. So you're allowed to center and prioritize your own feelings, needs, and experience even while other people are suffering. In fact, you must, not all the time, but some of the time." Yeah, I hear that. I hear that in your little head. Say it out loud. Go for it.

Sebh: You know, this idea of individual self-care, I'm not here to just take care of me, I'm part of a field that I feel all the time, and I have so much guilt when I think it's just about⁠, "I need to focus on just my own well-being"⁠—it's that Western idea of wellness that I am so opposed to.

Jessica: Okay.

Sebh: And it's the antithesis—it feels wrong in my heart. Everything that I believe, that I've been taught, not only as an animist but as a Muslim, is about standing up for others, is about speaking up for others. It's about caring for others.

Jessica: I have a question as somebody who's so sensitized to the group field. If everyone else that wasn't you was taking responsibility for themselves and doing the work to be right with themselves, how would that shift the group field? At all?

Sebh: Yes, it would in a huge way.

Jessica: Ah. Okay. So everyone should do work to shift their field so that they're right with themselves so that the collective can do better, but not including you because that would be selfish and Western. Just checking. You're welcome. I scared you there.

Sebh: You got me.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. So here's the thing. I don't disagree with what you're saying, and it's a different topic. I am not in any way suggesting, first of all, that you stop being civically engaged and community-minded or stop doing spiritual work to support yourself and others. It's an and/also. So what you've done successfully so far this far in life is abandoned this young part of you that just needs some fucking friendship and parenting. And you've done it because you don't want to be selfish. Good on you.

However, how has it cost you personally? And not just personally. How have you not been able to maybe receive and exchange love with others? How have you maybe stayed in place developmentally that you could have moved past if your parts were unified more? I mean, I'm not trying to fuck up your whole worldview in any way, shape, or form. Also, you matter.

And if the only way that you're allowed to do spiritual work is for other people, then what inevitably happens⁠—and you probably already know this because you've been around enough spiritual adults in your life⁠—is there starts being these craters, these holes, these weird growths in people's spirituality. And those are the places where we've got maladapted coping mechanisms, where we've buried our shit. And they start birthing these weird plants, these weird fucking things.

And so, while you know how I feel about toxic individualism⁠—right? I mean, I'm not encouraging you to cultivate that. But I will say that what you just said is true, and also, what you just said is the part of you, the adult analytic part of you, that has substantiated abandoning that little kid part and keeps on returning to, "Yeah, fuck that kid. Fuck that kid. Nope. Not the priority. There's other people that are more important. There's other things that are more important. Fuck that kid."

And I will bring you back to, from my perspective, when I first looked at you energetically, I was like, "Oh shit. There's some entity stuff here." And then, when we got to the psychological part, I'm like, "Oh, there's actually barely any entity stuff here." But that little kid is holding on tight because it's the only thing the kid knows how to do. It's like it's only fucking⁠—it's like hide and hold, hide and hold.

And so this is a maladjusted coping mechanism, I would say. You've probably heard me say before, but solidarity is not suffering alongside someone. Similarly, how can we heal⁠—planet, other people, any of our shit⁠—if we don't take time alone to lick our wounds in a cave? I don't know that it's physiologically possible. I don't know that it's spiritually possible. I don't know.

I am not a fan of trying to tell you or anyone else how your spirituality should run. But I will say you've got fucking Uranus in the twelfth house. That means that you were raised to believe that your individuality needed to be submerged⁠—it was a fucking problem⁠—that your uniqueness and your fucking eccentricities, maybe your queerness⁠—that's a whole other topic, but your individuality needed to be submerged deep into your psyche and not be expressed in your nature. You are a singular individual? That's pretty bad. Don't do that. Be a person with seven million planets in Pisces. Instead, be a fire hose.

That's how you were raised. That's what was modeled for you, and that's what was explicitly expressed to you. And so that dick part, as we're calling it⁠—it comes out of the twelfth house because you have a Mars/Uranus square. You've got Mars in the second house in Capricorn square to Uranus in the twelfth. So that part comes out when it's like, "I'm being backed into a corner. I can't be backed into a corner and live in a corner."

And you know that's what the dick part always feels. "You're trying to fucking keep me small? I'm already so fucking small. I'm going to disappear. You can't do that. Fuck you. I'm coming." What I'm saying is you belong. You deserve. You get to be a fucking individual. And hopefully you're not an individual who gives two shits about other people, who stops being a participant and a community member, energetically, behaviorally⁠—all the things, right?

Sebh: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: But that doesn't mean that you abandon your individuality. And if it does mean you abandon your individuality, then it'll cost you everything, as you've been experiencing. It's costing you way too fucking much, which means eventually you get so burned out that you can't show up for the world. And it's your system's way⁠—okay. I am hearing your guides laugh. It is your system's way of trying to get you to tend to yourself.

Is there a thing that you love to eat and is red? I'm seeing something red.

Sebh: I'm thinking of kidney beans.

Jessica: You like to eat kidney beans? That's not at all what I thought you were going to say. When you were a kid, was there a red candy or a red snack that you ate?

Sebh: Pizza is the closest I was obsessed with.

Jessica: You were obsessed with pizza. Do you not eat pizza anymore?

Sebh: Stomach stuff.

Jessica: I mean, you and me both. This is maybe going nowhere, but I just have to ask. When you were a kid and you were shoving pizzas in your face, were you literally shoving pizzas in your face like you were going to lose the pizza; you had to eat it fast?

Sebh: No. No.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. So what is it that I'm seeing that is like a compulsive, addictive, kind of doing things really quick or manically? Does that make sense? Is that you that I'm seeing?

Sebh: I don't know. I don't think so.

Jessica: Was your mom like this?

Sebh: No. No.

Jessica: Bear with me. I'm going to just take a peek around, and if nothing comes up⁠—

Sebh: Peek around.

Jessica: Yeah. Hold on. Do you have a sibling?

Sebh: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: One or two? Two. And did one of them do this, like eat a ton of things, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, comp?

Sebh: Not in front of me, but I have a sister that has an eating disorder.

Jessica: Okay. So⁠—

Sebh: So possibly.

Jessica: Shove and then purge, so⁠—okay.

Sebh: Very possibly.

Jessica: Okay. Does she still have an eating disorder?

Sebh: I think she restricts what she eats now. I don't think she binges, but she definitely doesn't look like she eats well or enough.

Jessica: So I think this is why I'm being shown your sister. Okay. You can see it so clearly when you look at her, this pattern, right?

Sebh: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: How important it is to do the psychological work and to make space and time to heal in a non-spiritual way. And I think that that little kid part would look at your sister and be like, "Yeah, I don't want to do that. I don't want to make that mistake." And it's easier to see it that way than to just think of it as this big, daunting, "I'm going to focus on me and stop focusing on others for 15 minutes." She's a really good model of what not to do and why.

Sebh: My God, have I just⁠—is this reading telling me that I've just spiritually bypassed my whole fucking life?

Jessica: I mean, yourself, yes. Only yourself⁠—

Sebh: Oh my God. I cannot believe this. Wow.

Jessica: I'm sorry. Well, you know, it's interesting because we're recording this very close to exactitude of the Full Moon. And the Full Moon happens to be T-squaring your chart, your Moon and your Jupiter.

Sebh: What does this mean?

Jessica: It means that you would be having an intense experience, hopefully a healing intense experience because Jupiter is involved. Also, I hope I'm helping and not harming, but yes. That's what that means.

Sebh: I mean, you're definitely helping.

Jessica: Okay. Good. Good.

Sebh: Again, I can't believe how simple this is and horrifying it is that somebody like me that's been on this path for so long and has pointed out bypassing and being with your inner child and guided people in this way⁠—to then be reflected back, to be like, "Guess what, friend."

Jessica: Guess what. But you know what? This is the thing, is that just because you can provide this service for others does not mean you can provide it for yourself. Maybe your very motivation providing this service for others is because you're trying to figure out how to finally be deserving of providing it for yourself, Pisces. I mean, this is the thing, is that idea⁠—and it's like I get it. I mean, I've had that same thing where I'm like, "I've said this to clients. Why am I hearing it from a motherfucker right now?"

But the truth of the matter is just because someone is good at doing something for others doesn't mean we're good at doing it for ourselves. And right now, you got some transits occurring. One of them is a Pluto trine to Pluto, and the other one is a Uranus sextile to the Sun. And both of these transits are deep and transformative and supportive.

You are also going through a couple Saturn transits, Saturn squaring Saturn and Saturn squaring Venus. And these two transits are a reality check. That's why you called this old Capricorn.

Sebh: Uh-huh.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. Then, finally, Uranus is going to start squaring your Midheaven. It's a once-in-a-lifetime transit. It lasts about a year. It starts July 8th, 2024. And this transit changes⁠—it's when you change the course and the direction of your life. It can have to do with your career. It can have to do with your home, where you live. But it's changing the course and direction of your life. And it comes from Uranus in your seventh house, your relationship house.

So I can't help but wonder if, by applying this stuff⁠—like simple journaling, talking to yourself, maybe getting a shrink, whatevs⁠—if it doesn't just start to create room in yourself where a relationship, a meaningful partnership⁠—could be friendship, could be a romantic relationship; it doesn't matter. I mean, of course it matters, but from this big-picture perspective, it doesn't matter. An important relationship can emerge that helps you to direct your life.

And the Uranus square to the Midheaven⁠—it's also a Uranus square to your IC⁠—is an opportunity to create greater balance between your innermost personal life and your objectives. This is not a period of stability. It hasn't started yet. It starts in July, right? It's not a period of stability. It's a period of growth and fertility. But now, right now⁠—now is a period of like, "Oh fuck." Saturn is like, "Oh fuck. Reality check."

And the Saturn transits through June⁠—so basically April, May, June of 2024, you're in Saturn times. And whenever we're in Saturn transits, I always think, "Okay. Step into the garden. Be realistic. Have you let weeds overgrow this beautiful flower? Is this thing doing so well that it's creating shade over the other thing that needed a little more sun?" It's when we really look objectively at the garden and we start pruning. We start pruning based on the reality of what is now, instead of the reality of what was when we first planted the things.

That's what this conversation is, a lot of it, right? You have some parts of your garden that you planted a really fucking long time ago, and it's time to pull them up, check out the roots, make sure they're nice and healthy, and figure out where you want to place them in the garden.

And sometimes I think we see something that's been in the garden for a real long time, and it's best to get rid of it, or it's best to make it into a house plant where you can watch it and keep it small. And that's okay. The thing I want to ground you into is that you are so brilliantly resourced spiritually. And it's important that you don't walk away from this conversation or into any mood or whatever where you would in any way shit upon that. You don't want to degrade the beauty parts just because you're in contact with the "oh fuck" parts. Right?

Sebh: Right.

Jessica: And have you heard me talk about puppy talk rules?

Sebh: No.

Jessica: Okay. I have this thing I call puppy talk rules. Okay? So, if you talk to yourself⁠—I'm talking about psychological and emotional stuff here. If you talk to yourself in a way that you would not talk to your puppy⁠—you use language you would not use for your puppy, you use a tone of voice that you would not use for your puppy, you use punishments and rules and stuff like that that you would not use for your puppy⁠—then you're doing it wrong.

Applying the puppy talk rules means you're applying the same kindness, empathy, firmness, structure, and dependability for yourself as you would for your dog. Puppy talk rules. I encourage you to apply those to your self-care mechanisms now and moving forward.

Sebh: That's great advice.

Jessica: You're welcome. Yeah. And what that means is a lot of psychological repetitions, like a lot of psychological repetitions. And you have Mercury in fucking Pisces. Repeating the same words over and over again sometimes really works for you and sometimes really doesn't. So you just do what works for you. It's like allowing yourself to ebb and flow. Have you been working with a spiritual guide or figure or something that's male?

Sebh: I mean, I work with so many guides.

Jessica: It might be an alive person, or it might be a spiritual guide. I can't tell. But it's an older man.

Sebh: It's not an alive person. Certainly not.

Jessica: It's not? Okay.

Sebh: And it could be one of many guides, ancestors, teachers, ascended ministers.

Jessica: You work with a lot of male figures, so that didn't narrow it down.

Sebh: Yeah. No.

Jessica: Okay. This is like⁠—I'm just going to say this. You can take it or you leave it. And again, I want to say to the part of you that oversees things, you don't have to fucking agree with everything I say. You can agree with parts. You know what I mean? You are in charge. I know you know this, but I have to say this to the part because I want it to be present instead of in defense mode, right?

Sebh: Right. Right.

Jessica: There are ideas, concepts, practices spiritually that are brilliant and in alignment for you and also not always. And I would say⁠—and again, I'm not sure that this is your truth, but I'm going to just say that young part of you that's got the fucking fire hose on 100 percent, every single day of your fucking life, your whole life, is going to hold tight to, "This spiritual practice says I must do x, and so I have to do x perfectly always."

And that survival mechanism may be in agreement with a religious or spiritual belief or a doctrine. And you, Sebh, the adult whole part, gets to moderate and titrate and bring your individual needs in this individual moment to the conversation. That's all. Bring your individuality to the conversation, and you may, through all of the parts, assess, "I'm going to go with the fucking ancient thing. I'm going to go with the thing." And you may decide, "This is the right thing for me, but in this moment, it's not the right thing for me. So I'm going to adjust it to fit my needs because my needs are relevant here."

And my guess is, in this process right now, you may need to do that more than is actually your overall truth because you're practicing flexing this muscle, or you're needing to practice flexing this muscle, of giving yourself permission to be an individual with individual needs, not in a toxically individualistic way, but in a way that says to yourself and to the world that you fucking matter. And you're allowed. You're allowed to have feelings, to take up space, to be a human, to not constantly be like a machine, taking care of, taking care of, taking care of. That's not what you're here for. None of us are here for just that. Literally, we have machines for that. But that's not what people are for.

So giving yourself that gift will sometimes require potentially interrupting consistencies. That's just worth thinking about and exploring, questioning and returning to.

Sebh: Mm-hmm.

Jessica: Okay. Good. Good. That's what I needed to tell you there. That was that. That was⁠—

Sebh: Thank you.

Jessica: It didn't matter who he was. He just came through to show me. Have we done what you've come here to do?

Sebh: I mean, we sort of went in a different direction. However, I think it was what is needed now.

Jessica: Yeah. Yeah. And to be honest, I think also, you don't have crazy entity stuff. From what I'm seeing, you have some entity⁠—but it's nothing crazy, nothing you would need me for. You know?

Sebh: Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica: I don't see curses. That's not my viewfinder. But I definitely don't see curses. I mean, I see shit. I see legacies of shit. But I don't see curses.

Sebh: Well, it's the legacies of shit. And also, when we were talking about the maternal line, my liver started burning up and I was feeling a lot of pain. So, when we stopped talking about her and them, it stopped robbing.

Jessica: Okay.

Sebh: And we sort of moved along.

Jessica: I see. I see. Let me⁠—can I just look? Can I just look⁠—

Sebh: Yeah. look.

Jessica: ⁠—at your liver?

Sebh: Yeah.

Jessica: Hold on. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So my different way of holding this⁠—I see this as a family trauma pattern that is held in your liver as opposed to a curse. So maybe it's just different words, but that's how I see it because a curse, to me, is something that's put upon you, whereas what I see this as is kind of like an epigenetic inheritance that is experienced⁠—we can hold it epigenetics. We can hold it spiritually. To me, it's potato/po-tah-to, a little bit.

But this part, when I look at it energetically, what I'm seeing is it's the rage. That's the fucking rage. It's like hot, hot, hot rage. And it goes into passive-aggressive anger is what I'm seeing. Was that your mom? Was she passive-aggressively angry?

Sebh: She was aggressively, aggressively angry.

Jessica: Aggressive aggressive. Was she aggressive with other people outside of the family?

Sebh: No, not so much.

Jessica: That's what I'm seeing, is that she had no power. She felt she had no power, and so the one place she could use her power, she went fucking all in. But I'm seeing when she moved through the world, she felt like she kept her head down. And you have so many more options.

I'm going to give you another piece of homework. I'm really glad you shared the liver piece with me. Let me just see if this is right. Yeah. I can't tell if it's better for you to do something every day or if it's better for you to do it three times a week. To me, it doesn't matter. You pick one, okay?

Sebh: I'm going to say three times a week because I feel like I need to open up from the rigidity.

Jessica: I love that. Okay. Good, good, good. So let's say three times a week, take a moment. Sit. Notice your body. And see if you can breathe into and receive your liver. And just be like, "Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. What's up?" And if it gets activated as a result, stay with it. Don't abandon it, and don't judge it, and don't fix it, because this is a part that's holding this rage and impotence by allowing it to be without trying to bully it in any way, whether or not you think of it as bullying. It'll scare that little kid part. I can just see that little kid part being like, "No. This one feels wrong," which means it'll make you sad. And you want to put it off.

It's a very vulnerable practice, what I'm recommending. So, if you're having a shitty week, don't fucking do it. Do you know what I mean? Use your discretion. I cannot stress this enough. You don't have to be obedient to me or anyone else. I have this theory, you see. And the theory is that we have these parts of ourselves that we're⁠—we have trauma. We have shit. Right? And we have parts of ourselves that we're comfortable with, and we have parts of ourselves that we're not comfortable with. But these parts are interconnected with each other.

And so this thing about the two parts of you on a seesaw, on a teeter totter or whatever⁠—we have this tendency to shove eclairs, just food, snacks⁠—delicious. food. We just keep on feeding the parts of ourselves that we're comfortable with and starving of the other parts of ourselves. And so what happens is there's no flow. There's no interchange. And then one part of us gets really big and healthy and strong and happy, and the other part's just constantly stuck in the air because the happy part of ourselves is in control of the seesaw. But the happier part of ourselves eventually stops actually getting to play because there's no equality in the parts.

And so this is where, from where I'm sitting, you work on this psychological shit, and you're going to just be so different because you're going to have play. You're going to be able to teeter and totter, not just teeter. It's not that simple, and it is that simple. It's both. There is a part of you that is very habituated and maybe even a little addicted to the pain and the struggle. And to that part I want to say you always have pain and struggle. Look at the world. You're fine. You'll never lose out on problems.

The timing of some woo-woo astrology psychic motherfucker⁠—me⁠—saying to you, "Tend to your insides when the world is literally on fire and everything that is happening in Palestine"⁠—I want to acknowledge it because I know that that's very fucking real. And I want to say that if we look at this objectively, the material time I'm encouraging you to take is not going to rob anyone of anything. It's not going to rob you from the world. It's not going to take from anyone something that you could give. Does this make sense?

Sebh: It does. It does, and just as me right now as an adult, I've been having a difficult time taking care of just parts that I'm conscious of self. And you're asking me to then go deeper and take care of the little⁠—the inner child that needs love. And so, I mean, it's good to be a challenge, to be honest, because as you know, Palestine is taking up a lot of my focus and time and energy and heart and spirit. So, yeah, I mean, the timing feels⁠—if you had asked me to do this last year, I feel like I would be more able. So I'm going to do it, and I'm going to try to do it, but it is challenging.

Jessica: Yeah. I know that you feel this way, but I want to just share my take, which is simply tending to this little kid part⁠—because we're not talking about an hour a day. We're talking about less than 30 minutes a day. And what I'm saying is, if I'm seeing this correctly⁠—within a month, you'll know whether or not I'm seeing this correctly if you actually try. Let's say you spend less than 30 minutes a day doing this work. Then it will become easier to do the basic self-care stuff, and you will have more energy to actually help not just people of Palestine but people in your energetic circle, people that you are providing support to, that they themselves are also helping with that and other causes that are dear to your heart.

The best way to approach this, if you decide to take this advice, which again, you don't have to do or you could do later or never⁠—whatever⁠—but let's say you decide to take this advice⁠—to give it a fixed amount of time. You're going to do this for 29 days, like a Lunar cycle. Start it on a New Moon, let's say. Don't start it on a Full Moon. Maybe you pick a different day that is spiritually significant to you.

Decide to do it for 30 days. Whenever I do shit like this, I take either 30-day or three-month-long cycles depending on what it is. And at the end of 30 days, you can decide, "Is this worth continuing with, or do I want to throw it away for now?" You can pick it up later or not. And again, this is coming back to that part of you that feels like, "Oh, I don't have any choice," or, "I have to defend my choice."

I want to, as much as possible, bring it back to the feelings that you have that this is going to rob the community, or the people that you care about, your energy. As we unpack it, for me, it really seems like, well, that's like a trauma pattern because we're talking about less than 30 minutes a day. And then those 30 minutes a day will actually give you energy, not take energy.

This is just, again, conversation for you to explore and play with so that you can make determinations based on your experience and your practice. These are not fixed answers. And there is just this part of you that's so habituated to be like, "Okay, but what's the answer? I'm going to make a decision, and that's going to be the decision. I'm going to do the fucking thing." Are you laughing?

Sebh: I am laughing.

Jessica: Okay. Okay. Because I was like, "I don't hear it, but I see it on your face." You can play with an idea. You can play with a, like, "Okay. I'm going to decide to take this advice." You can also just let it gestate through your system, you know?

Sebh: Oh, no. I mean, it's already gestated. It's very clear, now that you've pointed out these two parts of me, how much of the show they run. And so, yeah, a lot of the blocks, I would say, relationship and community, belonging⁠—I think caring for these two parts, both the dick and the wounded child, the oversensitive⁠—how much space in my life they actually take up.

Jessica: Yeah.

Sebh: You know?

Jessica: So much, and how much experientially they function as entity stuff, which is really like⁠—for people who are as sensitive as us, it's so awful. And trying to navigate energetic attack in all the many forms it can come and then realizing, "Wait. What? Am I attacking myself right now? What?"⁠—I think all of us who have this hypersensitivity deal with this because I don't know how you get to be super hypersensitive spiritually without any trauma. I don't know. I haven't seen it a whole lot. It happens. It happens.

But these sensitivities, they come from something. I don't think they inherently come from trauma, but I think⁠—I don't know. They tend to be around each other a lot. Anyways⁠—

Sebh: Absolutely.

Jessica: So hold on. Let me just see something. Okay. Good. Okay. I actually think we did what we came here to do.

Sebh: I think so, too. And I'm pretty impressed, I have to say, friend, and grateful to you.

Jessica: Oh, that's nice.

Sebh: Thank you. Yeah, so much.

Jessica: Thank you. I'm so glad we did this. It happened at its right time.