Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Lanyadoo. I'm an astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, and I'm going to give you your weekly horoscope and no-bullshit mystical advice for living your very best life.

Jessica:            Dennis, welcome to the podcast. What would you like a reading about?

Dennis:            Hi, Jessica. Thank you so much for having me. My question is, "In the past few months, I've become aware of myself falling into harmful patterns in relationships. I've been contributing to dynamics that I don't value or enjoy but for some reason keep perpetuating. I'm afraid to admit that I believe there to be a correct way of relating that is meant to be safe and promises me love, but it never actually delivers. And I find myself acting out of integrity just to be left feeling unseen and unfulfilled. As a Queer and Nonbinary person, I really want to unlearn the normative conditioning around love and self-worth and find ways to have authentic and fulfilling relationships, but I have nowhere to start. Your help would be really appreciated."

Jessica:            Okay. This is very human, and I feel like this question is so relatable. But it's also so Capricorny of you. I know you're a Sadge, but it's a very Capricorny question. So, as we discussed, we're not sharing your birth data outside of your date and year, correct?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. So December 1st, 1990. That said, I'm going to ask you some contextual questions here, okay? So you talk about harmful patterns in relationships. What are we talking about? Harm is a real big umbrella.

Dennis:            It's more like things where I realize retroactively/retrospectively that we've been kind of playing roles that are not⁠—

Jessica:            Who is "we"?

Dennis:            Me and the other person.

Jessica:            Okay. So you're in a specific relationship that this is coming up in.

Dennis:            Multiple.

Jessica:            Okay. Okay. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Keep going.

Dennis:            Yeah. I mean, I guess I should just focus on me. I would be finding myself falling into a role that doesn't feel authentic to me and feels like I should be following a script. And because of that, I find myself drifting away from what I actually want. And in that sense, I find that it's my fault.

Jessica:            When you say you're following a script, do you feel that other people are requiring/demanding/making you? Is that how it feels in the moment?

Dennis:            No. That's why I feel like I'm contributing to it myself.

Jessica:            So it's like you have these kind of preprogrammed ideas that are just waiting inside of you, and then you get into a situation and you're like, "Well, I know what I'm supposed to do here. I'm supposed to do x, y, z," and then you do it even if it's not authentic and it sucks.

Dennis:            Exactly. Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. Love that. I mean, I hate that, but I love that. Would the people that you're in relationships with⁠—do they feel they're being harmed by your behavior?

Dennis:            Not that they've explicitly said, so I would say no.

Jessica:            So we're talking about self-harm.

Dennis:            Yeah. It's an accumulation of actions that leaves me in a situation that is unfulfilling and I feel could be avoided.

Jessica:            Mm-hmm. And are we talking about romantic relationships or⁠—

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            ⁠—platonic ones? Romantic. And are you dating multiple people right now?

Dennis:            Yes.

Jessica:            And is it open, clearly communicated? Everybody's consensual and knows what's up?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. Great. And that works for you? You like that?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. We got lots to talk about. So okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Because the people don't know all your birth data, I'm going to share some contextualizing details. You are a Sagittarius, Sun in Sadge. And you also have Venus and Mercury in Sagittarius. Using the Campanus house system, you've got your Sun and Venus in the eleventh house⁠—so social. You love to put yourself out there. You love to connect with lots of different kinds of people in different kinds of ways.

                        Let's add to that your ruling planet, Jupiter, is intercepted in the seventh house in Leo. So you go big or you go home. You put yourself out there, and you connect with people. So far so good?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Even though, due to other things in your birth chart, you do crave deep, intense connection, all that Sadge⁠—that Jupiter is like, "Let's just go for a spark." It's like you're chasing fireworks in your relationship connections, yeah?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah. Okay. All right. So, in your⁠—yeah. We'll just start at the beginning, see. So, in your birth chart, you've got a Jupiter/Pluto square, as everyone does that was born in early December in 1990. But you've also got Jupiter square your Midheaven. So you put yourself out there. You get really intense with people. And then you have weird shame hangovers. I'm sorry.

Dennis:            I can't believe I'm being read so early.

Jessica:            I know. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry/you're welcome.

Dennis:            No, please. Please do. Please do.

Jessica:            Yes. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's both. It's both. So that's just what's kind of on the surface. Now we gotta look at your twelfth house, which has Mercury, Uranus, Neptune, and Saturn in it. And you've got Uranus, Neptune, and Saturn all in Capricorn, again, like an early '90s baby that you are⁠—I would say millennial. Would you say millennial?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. Good, because objectively, millennial. Yes. So Pluto in Scorpio equals millennial to this astrologer. So here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Your Rising sign, your Ascendant, is in a sandwich between Saturn and your North Node, all in Capricorn. So, even though, you little queerdo⁠—you know, Neptune/Uranus conjunction in the twelfth, so, like⁠, it's Nonbinary, for sure, like in all the ways. You've got all that Sadge stuff. It's like you just go with the vibes.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. So you go with the vibes. Then you have fucking Saturn conjunct the Ascendant conjunct the North Node, all in Capricorn. And now we know none of that's true. There are rules for a reason. Binaries keep you safe. Structure is your buddy. Everything that doesn't have a beginning, middle, and end is an enemy to your own capacity to self-protect.

Dennis:            Yeah. It all really tied in when you ended with "self-protect."

Jessica:            Yes. I'm so sorry, because Sagittarius/Jupiter⁠—"Self-protect what? Everything's going to be fine. Everything's fine. If it's not fine now, it will be fine later. It works out." But Capricorn? "No. Everything's a near-death experience. Everything can harm you, and if it can't harm you now, it'll harm you fucking later." Am I right?

Dennis:            Yes.

Jessica:            I respect. I respect.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            So Saturn is deeply monogamous, binary, rule-oriented, and committed to maintaining power and minimizing vulnerability. And you also have a Taurus Moon, which just so happens to be opposite Pluto. So we can double down on those statements that I just made. We're doubling down now.

                        What all this means is that you have a lot of different parts that have different needs. And when one centers some parts⁠—and astrology is great for looking at the parts and naming the parts, and we'll call these your Sadge parts, your Jupiterian parts. When you're like, "This makes me fun. This fits into 'let's be real,' what's on trend within culture around queerness and around dating"⁠—right? Because when I was your age, different things were on trend in Queer world, right? And we would be unrealistic if we didn't acknowledge that things happen in waves culturally.

                        So your Sadge parts vibe with what the culture vibes with really well. And then your Saturnian parts absolutely don't, like super fucking don't, like super fucking don't. When we only center some of our parts, what we're doing is we're abandoning the other parts. So now those other parts have to fight for prominence. And in your description, the way that's happening is self-harm, right? You're ignoring these parts of yourself, so they're getting stronger because they're fighting for their lives.

Dennis:            Yeah, and I think the way that that happens⁠—it's not that I ignore my need for commitment or try to tell myself that I don't need that stuff, because I do, and I think I vocalize it and I kind of admit to it. But it's⁠—the kinds of patterns that I'm talking about, it's like basically I end up playing girlfriend.

Jessica:            Tell me more.

Dennis:            It's like there's a fictitious version of a girlfriend partner that lives in my head, and she does all the right things at the right times, and she gets all the brownie points for it. And when I find myself acting out, that character is when I⁠—that's what I think is the self-harm.

Jessica:            Fascinating. And when you say girlfriend, are you saying partner or are you saying like girl friend? Do you understand what I'm saying as the difference? One is a gender implication and a gender role implication, and one is not inherently necessarily that.

Dennis:            It's the gender role implication.

Jessica:            Okay. Okay. So you lean into girl role⁠—

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            ⁠—and so you're supportive in traditional girl way.

Dennis:            Which I don't want to do. I really try to fight against doing it. But I find myself feeling obliged⁠—

Jessica:            Obliged. Fascinating.

Dennis:            ⁠—to do that.

Jessica:            Okay. There's lots of things that I'm thinking all at once, okay? So one of them is Saturn is a high femme. And I don't know that "high femme" is really a term that's used so much anymore.

Dennis:            It's not bringing up a picture of a⁠—

Jessica:            Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            I think it's not a thing that's used anymore. But in my Queer reference point⁠—and we live in different countries, right? So there's⁠—it could be that. There's also time, all the things. But in my reference point, when I was coming up, there was a gender marker called femme, which I'm assuming you do have a reference for.

Dennis:            Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jessica:            And then there's a gender marker called "high femme." And a high femme is a⁠—it is a high femme gender, so it is a Queer femme gender, which is in no way to be confused with straight girl gender. It is not in any way related to heterosexuality. Femme is a Queer gender role.

Dennis:            Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jessica:            I mean, I'm not saying it for you. I'm saying it for the world because I think it's one of those things that straight culture has appropriated, and it ain't right. So, that said, femme is a Queer gender. And then high femme⁠—it's very Saturnian, ultimately. You know how Saturn can be quite controlling, quite managerial, takes charge, takes care, does the actions. Saturn is daddy, but Saturn is daddy as high femme, not daddy as cis man.

Dennis:            Mm-hmm.

Jessica:            So Saturn is a high femme. I come back to my original statement, which is a Queer identity that may or may not be something you resonate with or that even anyone works with anymore. But I identify as high femme, just facts. Okay. So, that said, having a Saturn conjunction your Capricorn Rising, I'm not shocked to hear that when you fall into a pattern, it's a femme pattern; it's a girl pattern. It's like, "How can I help you? What can I do for you?" It's like, "I want to be a supporting role," because Saturn in Capricorn is all about the power behind the throne.

That Leo stuff is like, "I am the power. I am the throne." That's fire sign stuff. Earth sign stuff often likes to do the shit behind the scene that makes the things happen. Does this make sense?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            So, while you say, "I don't want to do this. I know I don't want to do this," and I believe you, I also think you do want to do it, and that's why you do it.

Dennis:            The thing is I wouldn't mind doing it if it wasn't codified and dressed up in a gender role that I don't identify with.

Jessica:            Okay. And here we go. So, when you're doing this with romantic partners, are they receiving it as a heterosexual dynamic? Are you doing this with cis dudes is basically what I'm asking.

Dennis:            The two people I'm seeing now are cis dudes.

Jessica:            Okay. So that's the trigger, right⁠—

Dennis:            Yes.

Jessica:            ⁠—is because you're slipping into what ends up being like a classic heterosexual dynamic.

Dennis:            Yes.

Jessica:            Okay. And do you date people of other genders as well?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. This is a really complex thing, and it's something that I think about a lot because people ask questions about this in different ways for the podcast all the time, is that if you're Queer⁠—this is a question for the, like⁠—let's see what we can do with this. If you yourself are Queer but you're dating someone who is not Queer⁠—right? Because⁠—

Dennis:            Oh, they're Queer.

Jessica:            They're both Queer? Tell me more about this.

Dennis:            Yeah. They date men.

Jessica:            Okay. So they date people of multiple genders. That's what you're saying.

Dennis:            Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay, because Queer could mean that they are genderqueer but not sexuality queer. Right?

Dennis:            Right, right, right, right.

Jessica:            Okay. Okay. So their sexuality is Queer. They are cis. And I have to ask this, then. When you are acting in these traditional girl ways, would you do that with different genders if you were dating somebody of a different gender who is not a cis man specifically?

Dennis:            I would, and I have. And it didn't make me feel as bad.

Jessica:            As bad or bad at all?

Dennis:            I would say as bad because I do have⁠—I mean, the resentment for the role is still there in my head.

Jessica:            Interesting. And you're resenting yourself or you're resenting them, or a little bit of both?

Dennis:            It's a little bit of everything. It's resenting the role that I feel like I have to play, them for putting me in this situation, everybody for creating this problem to start with⁠—all of it.

Jessica:            This is layered, layered, layered, layered. Okay, because let's come back to femme and high femme for a second, right? Because those gender roles⁠—and I'm not talking about the identity right now. I'm talking about the role. It is contextualized in a Queer dynamic because of a lot of things, but one of the things is that traditionally, with butch/femme dynamic, which is like an old-school thing⁠—traditionally, the femme has more social power because she moves through the world and passes as straight. So she makes more money than the butch, right? So she has more economic power. She has more social power. She is the person who navigates the world with straight privilege compared to her transmasculine/butch/stud⁠—whatever we want to call it⁠—partner. Again, this is like an age thing a little but, but yeah. But that's a real thing.

Dennis:            Yeah. It makes sense.

Jessica:            Yes. And it completely turns on its head the role of femme from straight girl because there's a different power differential. The femme actually has social power and economic power in a way that we see in boy/girl dynamics or straight dynamics⁠—it's always the man. It doesn't matter how cool he is, how progressive he is. It's always the fucking man. He can tattoo his whole face. He can do whatever to try to bring himself down a peg in traditional social mores. It doesn't matter. It's inherent.

                        But it's different with, essentially, transmasculine or butch and femme or high femme dynamic. And there's something that I have noted that is lost, that that's like⁠—you're like, "Whoa. I hadn't thought of it that way." But that is the way. That's our history, basically. And therefore, it's not surprising to me that when you have acted⁠—whether it's out of a part of you that's authentic or a part of you that's like, "Oh, this is what I have to do," or some messy combination of the both, which is what I'm guessing it is most of the time⁠—when you're not with cis guys, whether or not they're Queer, it's like the trigger isn't there in the same way because the trigger literally isn't there in the same way. It's not the same thing.

                        But even if we have a very Queer⁠—and I don't know if either of you identify as girl and boy. But if you're read that way in the world and you move through that way with that power and all of those things, the reality is the reality is the reality is⁠—right? You can't undo endless generations of gender roles and oppression. It's too much to put on your own shoulders is what I'm trying to say, too much to put on any one individual relationship's shoulders.

Dennis:            Yes. And that's part of the difficulty I'm having with dating cis men.

Jessica:            Yeah. I mean, that makes sense. But you like them sexually and you like them romantically.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. My condolences. It's so hard. It's just hard to work with and around this inherent shit, and it's not just the inherent shit that comes within individuals in a relationship or within a generation. It's literally just generation after generation after generation, epigenetics, cultural issues. It goes back across almost every culture. It's in our DNA. It's in our genes. It's in our histories.

                        And so it's a lot to fucking navigate if you want to maintain and retain your power, your autonomy, your choice to lean into your femme parts, to lean into the fact that if you have a Capricorn Rising with a Saturn conjunction, the way that you show people you like them is by doing sweet, thoughtful things for them, period. Like, period.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            You know what I mean? And if you present in any kind of femmy way and you're dealing with a cis guy⁠—in any way⁠—it's going to trigger that cascade of historical shit.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            It doesn't matter how Queer you both are. Real talks. So we're interrupting patterns. That's what you reached out about. It's like, how do you fucking interrupt these patterns, right? And one part of⁠—I would say my first part of the answer⁠—and this is an answer⁠—is that you cannot interrupt generationally inherited patterns of systemic oppression based on gender.

Dennis:            Okay.

Jessica:            I mean, listen. I know you're a Sadge, and so you're like, "If I imagine it, maybe I can." And you know what? Maybe you can. Maybe you can. But I would say that you are placing too much pressure on your individual self to undo systemic things.

Dennis:            I hear that. And also⁠—

Jessica:            Yes. Please.

Dennis:            ⁠—I'm hoping that I could at least stop myself from compulsively falling into the patterns.

Jessica:            Okay. But here's where I'm struggling is you're saying compulsively falling into patterns. What are you saying? That you've been trained you should do?

Dennis:            Well, it's more about the belief that that's the right thing.

Jessica:            But you don't believe it's the right thing, do you?

Dennis:            No. I believe it's the thing that has currency in the world.

Jessica:            Okay. Okay. Okay. We're getting at something here. So you think it has currency. So you're basically doing these supportive actions⁠—right? Does that seem like a good way to encapsulate them?

Dennis:            Yeah. It's a combination of supportive actions and caretaking-style stuff.

Jessica:            Yes. Yes. Okay. So you're doing supportive, caretakey things. And you're doing it not because you enjoy doing it and not because it feels like a natural extension of your affection for someone; you're doing it because you believe that they will then like you, accept you, want you.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. Let me just pause and say you don't enjoy the actions of caretaking?

Dennis:            It's hard. It's really hard for me to enjoy them because, even while I'm doing them, I'm thinking about all this stuff.

Jessica:            Okay.

Dennis:            I would like to arrive at a place where I can just enjoy it, but I'm not there.

Jessica:            Great. Okay. That's very clear, and this is really important. Okay, but I'm going to just⁠—before I move away from this idea and we go into something else, I need to say this. You're too young to get too fixated on your North Node, in my view. That said, you have a North Node conjunct the Ascendant. It's in the first house. And so identifying who and what you are, like really figuring out, "I am me, not me in relationship to others. I am me"⁠—that is what you're here on a soul level to figure out.

                        So this crisis is not just like, "Oh, you're Sadge and Cap." This crisis is also⁠—the North Node refers to what you're here on a soul level to do, but also what you've done historically in other lifetimes. And what you've done was be a really good partner, be a supportive, nurturing partner. South Node conjunct the Descendant in Cancer⁠—you did mommy good. And that's not what you're here for. And that's real.

                        And I also want to say you still have a North Node in Capricorn, which is about acting in ways that are in alignment for you, acting in ways that reflect accountability and responsibility. And there is an element of that that is showing devotion and care through, "I remember that you like"⁠—you know, whatever⁠—"that you like this kind of a salad. And so I went out of my way, and I went to the extra place, and I got the fucking salad." You know? That is never not going to be your impulse, to an extent, because you like tracking things. You're good at tracking things, and you like acts of service because they're actually kind of easy for you. They're organic to your nature.

                        And I don't want to throw out the baby with the bathwater on this. This is a high-functioning, organic-to-your-nature, honest part of you. And there's all this shit around it that we need to unpack. But I don't want to demonize that part. And I will also say, from a very Queer perspective, that, my honey, is daddy. That's daddy. You know what I mean? And it's daddy in a⁠—and I don't know what⁠—again, I'm not trying to be like, "You're high femme." But all this Capricorn shit is high femme in a⁠—"It's daddy."

                        And so there is a way that it is challenging to embody that and have that validated and reflected back to you when you're dating a cis guy, for real. Like, I don't⁠—

Dennis:            Yeah. No, that's real.

Jessica:            You know what I mean? It's just⁠⁠—it is what it is what it is. And also, one of the things that you're here to do on a soul level is to not have your identity be contextual and reactive. Yeah. And everybody struggles with that. I don't give a fuck what your chart looks like. And nobody has an easy time of that. Do you know what I'm saying?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            This is real. But for you, it's a fucking deep, deep, deep lesson.

Dennis:            It's the homework.

Jessica:            It's the soul assignment. And so, whatever gender you date or you partner with, this is still going to be the assignment, right?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            There's no gender that will free you of that, because⁠—just because that's your soul's lesson. So I'm going to pause. I'm just going to see, do you have any questions or things you want me to move towards?

Dennis:            No. I think we're good. I think we're on track.

Jessica:            We're on track. Okay. Great. Great, great, great, great. So I'm looking at your aspects. You have this beautiful Saturn trine to the Moon, Saturn/Ascendant/North Node all trine the Moon. And again, it reaffirms that you really love remembering that fucking thing they said they liked and taking the extra⁠—I mean, that's never going to change for you. And I want to uphold it outside of systemic oppression and all the things and say, yeah, everyone wants to date that. That's a really great quality to have. Do you know what I'm saying?

                        But it is only self-harm when you're doing it for people that don't deserve it. So you start dating them, and then in the first three weeks, you're doing shit like that? That's too soon. They didn't earn it. You don't know if they respect you yet. Don't do that shit. So coming up with boundaries becomes really important.

                        And then the other thing is if you're not doing that shit for yourself and you're only doing it for other people, you have a problem. The problem is you. So are you doing those kinds of things for yourself?

Dennis:            I do the opposite for myself.

Jessica:            Excellent. Well played. Good job. So you're living with your South Node. You're focusing on taking care of other people as a way to take care of yourself.

Dennis:            Yeah. And it's not that I don't remember the little things that I want and the little treats that I could get for⁠—I remember them. I see them, and then I just don't do anything about it.

Jessica:            Okay. So that's your biggest problem, actually. So you want to talk about the roles you play in relationships, but let's talk about interrupting the harmful pattern at its root. It's how you treat you. So homework. Your homework is going to be you write those things down. Every time you have one of those thoughts, you write them down in the notes of your phone. Do you have the notes app in your phone?

Dennis:            I'm currently taking notes.

Jessica:            That is what I want to hear. Okay. So you are going to write it down in the notes of your phone. And then you have a bit of homework. Three of those things per week⁠—you have to do them. And if you don't do them, you have to have a consequence because that's a lot of Capricorn.

Dennis:            I did not see that part coming. Okay.

Jessica:            No, you didn't. No, you didn't. So what's the consequence going to be? You're going to have to make a decision. Is that consequence going to be that you have to sit and write in your journal for two hours? Is the consequence going to be that you cancel dates for the next week and you have to spend more time alone with yourself? The consequence has to be therapeutic, and it has to be to the point of reminding you that you're abandoning yourself, and that's your problem.

                        Taking care of other people is actually not the problem. And listen. Maybe some of the way you're taking care of other people is a problem. Some of your motivations is a problem. But if we focus on the other people part, we're focusing on the wrong part. So gotta come up with a consequence. Capricorn Rising? You deal well with consequences. You do not like consequences, right? Sagittarius? You don't like consequences. That's why this will work.

Dennis:            Okay. I think those two ones are really good, actually.

Jessica:            Good. They're yours to run with. They're yours to run with. Now, if you were to read a lot of old-school astrology books about having North Node conjunct the Ascendant from the first house, they would say don't be partnered. They would say you're not going to be partnered or you shouldn't be partnered.

Dennis:            I wondered if I need to not be partnered in this life.

Jessica:            So those books are wrong, in a way, because they're written from patriarchy, from the depths of patriarchy. We are living in times of evolution and revolution where gender and sexuality and individuality are changing and have changed. And so, if all we have is heterosexual union in which a woman marries a man and a man marries a woman and they're monogamous and they are economically linked and all the things and all the things and all the things, yeah, don't get fucking married. Don't be partnered.

                        But if you can be in a partnership in which you retain your autonomy and your individuality, where you do not lock yourself into, let's say, the state, but instead, you choose your partner⁠—right? There are so many ways of doing it which are essentially very Queer, whether or not you end up with a cis dude. Whatevs. There are ways of being partnered that are essentially very Queer, very expansive.

You can have a partner, a.k.a. a bestie who you bone or whatever, and still live in accordance with your autonomy and your individuality. Now, in a historical context, you can't. No one could because that just wasn't⁠—that's not the rules. But it is possible. Absolutely, it's possible. It's just about⁠—it is harder to do, as you are living proof of how much harder it is to be in relationship with other people, in romantic union with other people, and not fall into roles and not lose yourself. It's so much harder than just walking around the world alone and not losing yourself, right?

But I will say, though, any time you are dating someone and they demand or require you to be in that role, yeah, run. That's not for you. If you can choose to bring that salad but they never expect the salad, okay, this could work.

Dennis:            I haven't been with many or any people who've demanded that role.

Jessica:            I'm not surprised. Again, this is why we're focusing on the you part.

Dennis:            Yeah. I know it's a me problem.

Jessica:            It's a you⁠—sure. Sure. I mean, yeah. And also, why I'm also affirming part of the reason why you do what you do is because that's organic and healthy and natural for you. It's not all bad. It's not all conditioning or whatever bullshit.

                        Can I have you say your full name out loud?

Dennis:            [redacted].

Jessica:            Thank you. Are you out with your family?

Dennis:            No.

Jessica:            That's part of the problem, eh?

Dennis:            I would⁠—I don't want to be out to them.

Jessica:            Yeah. Hey. You don't fucking [crosstalk].

Dennis:            No, no.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah. Respect. Yeah. And where are they? Are they in the same country as you, the same city as you?

Dennis:            They're very far away. No. They're across continents, and I've made sure it stays that way.

Jessica:            Okay. Great. But this is part of the problem. This is part of it, is I can feel their heavily patriarchal, traditional values tugging at your heart all⁠—it's almost like there's a cord through the center of you, and it is pulling you towards this very gender normative behavior.

Dennis:            That tracks. Yeah.

Jessica:            Mm-hmm. Do you have a relationship with them at all?

Dennis:            I have a relationship with my siblings.

Jessica:            Okay.

Dennis:            I'm trying to slowly cut out my dad, and I maintain a cordial relationship with my mom.

Jessica:            Are they married?

Dennis:            Yes.

Jessica:            Okay. You don't have to answer this, and we don't have to talk about this: was he violent?

Dennis:            I'm okay with talking about that because I talk about it to people. Yes, he was.

Jessica:            Yeah. I mean, unfortunately, it looks like it. And is he still violent with your mom?

Dennis:            I think they're both too old for that now, but he was.

Jessica:            Right. And his energy is violent. His words are violent. There's a lot of levels of violence that exist, right?

Dennis:            Yeah. Yeah. And those are still there.

Jessica:            Yes. I mean, I would be stunned if you told me otherwise. So, first of all, I am sorry. And second of all, that context is important to this issue, right? It is, because⁠—

Dennis:            I didn't think it would be.

Jessica:            Interesting. You didn't think it would be?

Dennis:            No, because I thought I shielded them away from my sexuality and gender and all that kind of stuff as a way of keeping their issues out⁠—

Jessica:            Well, you did do that. Very, again, Capricorn Rising. You did do that. What you did⁠—okay. Let's talk about what you just said is exactly what you did. You took a shield, like a wall of a house, and you put it up, shielding you from them and them from you. Right? It's a wall. It's not a window. Yes. But that is not the same as excavating your own early developmental experiences from you. That is not the same as excavating the epigenetic inherited trauma of gender-based violence and repression and oppression that most everyone on the planet has, right? But in particular, we're talking about you and your family experience.

                        So what you've done is you have unplugged the phones and put up a wall. Good job. That is actually literally a good job. But that's not the same as acknowledging and dealing with what you were raised with and what is your history. Those are different things. And honestly, you're only so old. There's only so much fucking work you can do by a certain age. It's fine. You're not behind.

                        But to imagine that the harmful patterns that you're concerned about are kind of like playing girl⁠—right? It's like falling into that, essentially, subjugated role of girl.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            And you didn't say that when you described your question. You said "harmful patterns." So you know the consequences, how they can be. And that comes from not just you living in the world, but it comes from your lived experience of being raised with your parents. And so good on you for not replaying any of that. You're not dating people who treat you like your dad treats your mom, correct?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah. That's obviously a reflection of a lot of work on your part and a lot of work, luck, all the things. But the driving need for you to prove to yourself that you take care of you, that you're not reliant, that you're not subjugated⁠—that's going to be deep in your body because of your upbringing. And so this energetic⁠—it almost looks like a fucking rope, like a thick-ass rope. It's not about your cognitive beliefs or your conscious intention. It's about the cords that bind us to our past, to our early developmental experiences, to our genes, to our family.

                        I am very for cutting people out. Huge fan. Huge fan. Love it. Strong advocate for cutting people out. Lots of people deserve to be cut out for lots of reasons at lots of different times. But just because we do the action and we put up the wall and we don't put in any windows and we lock the door doesn't mean we've healed and we've excavated it from our system.

                        And two things are coming up for me as we're now talking about this. One is rage, and one is grief. Is that⁠—

Dennis:            My besties.

Jessica:            Yeah. Those are some really cool besties. Good job. Good job. So what do you do for your rage?

Dennis:            I don't know. I used to have a lot of it in my 20s, a lot more than I do now.

Jessica:            Yeah. That makes sense.

Dennis:            And I used to just keep moving.

Jessica:            Okay. So do you like exercise?

Dennis:            Yeah. I used to a lot more.

Jessica:            Okay.

Dennis:            But I still have a body practice. It's not exercise in the traditional going to the gym kind of way.

Jessica:            Fuck the gym. Yeah. No, no. We're not talking about the gym. How about combat? Would you ever do any kind of combat?

Dennis:            I haven't tried.

Jessica:            Yeah. You have a Sun/Mars opposition. You got some Pluto issues. There's capoeira. Have you ever fucked with capoeira? It's like dance combaty stuff.

Dennis:            I had a friend who was really into it. I never got into it.

Jessica:            Okay. Well, there's that. There's boxing, like traditional American boxing. I mean, you're not in the States, but I'm assuming it's everywhere, right? There's also kickboxing, which could really work for you because Sadge is a lot of energy in the legs. And so just getting a heavy bag or a speed bag and fucking wrapping up your little knuckles and just fucking going⁠—that could be cathartic in a way that very few other things may be for you. It's channeling your power, your passion, and your rage through your body.

                        And the reason why I'm suggesting this now and you've probably heard me suggest this in other readings is because when we don't release adrenaline and fear and anger, it gets trapped in the body and becomes trauma. And there's this thing I learned from cats. I've learned a lot from cats, if I'm being honest. But when I first moved into my place in Oakland, there was a bunch of feral cats in the neighborhood. And there was these two cats that would destroy each other. They would become like a cartoon fuzzball and make the craziest sounds, and I'd just never seen cats fight like that before.

                        And it was terrifying, and I would get really freaked out by it. Then, afterwards, I would see them both shake their bodies, release the adrenaline in their systems, and then they'd go to fucking sleep. And they'd sleep kind of near each other. And I was like, "Oh, that's the thing humans⁠—we don't do." We don't release the adrenaline that we experience after trauma or after a spike.

And so I'm going to give you another piece of homework, which is to set for the next three months to try three different forms of something that involves you channeling⁠—shaking it out, basically. So it could be dance. It could be some sort of sporty, fighty thing. But just fuck with it. Do they have smash rooms where you live?

Dennis:            Yes.

Jessica:            Have you ever gone to one?

Dennis:            No, but it's actually on⁠—there's⁠—

Jessica:            Bucket listy.

Dennis:            Yeah. That's it.

Jessica:            Yeah. You would love it. It's so good. But the problem is you have to pay to go, and then you're in the energy field of everybody else who's been in there. And sometimes those places are disgusting. Sometimes they're awesome, and the grossness is the vibe, but sometimes not. So there's pros and cons.

                        The thing that you're going to do, if it works, is going to be easy for you to do. Smash rooms aren't a go-to all the time thing. So, also, just dancing, closing all the blinds and doors and dancing your buns off⁠—that works. It's just I think it would be really helpful for you to have a therapeutic, like, "Let's turn up the volume on that and do something more extreme," as you are trying to figure out how to also take care of yourself because these two things are connected. Channeling power through your body⁠—connected. Allowing yourself to experience rage⁠—healthy, good for you. Not at people, not at yourself. You're people. You're people.

                        You say, "Oh, I'm not angry anymore." I'm like, yeah, you are, at yourself. You're just not counting you, and I'm counting you. So, again, this is where I'm going with that. Now, the other thing is grief and sadness. And you have grief and sadness because you have grief and sadness. You have grief and sadness because⁠—hello, the world. You have grief and sadness that you haven't processed from your childhood, which is fair. And you have grief and sadness that it doesn't matter what you do; you're never fully free of it.

Dennis:            Yeah. I mean, this has come up recently. For the past, like, two weeks, I've just been⁠—every day, just if I ask myself how I'm doing or if someone else asks me how I'm doing, I would just feel like, "I'm sad."

Jessica:            Yeah.

Dennis:            And in a very matter-of-fact way. And it just persisted. And I was like, "I'm sad every day. I'm sad," until I realized that this much sadness is probably called grief at this point.

Jessica:            It's called grief. Yeah. And have you dated a lot of cis guys? Is this normal for you to be dating two cis guys for a minute?

Dennis:            It is normal. I do date all genders. But one of the people I'm dating now I've been seeing for like two years. So it's like a consistent thing that's just kind of been going. And the other one is brand new.

Jessica:            And is there any kind of connection between the dating of these two guys and the grief?

Dennis:            No. Well, I've just had two weeks to myself is what just happened.

Jessica:            I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. So there's been room for all the feelings to come up.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Good on you. Okay. That's good. It's good to feel the feelings. These two people that you're dating, do you feel like they take care of you emotionally?

Dennis:            The two-year-old relationship, I would say yes. The new one, I don't think we've gone there yet.

Jessica:            So do you take care of him emotionally yet?

Dennis:            I don't think we've gone there either.

Jessica:            Great.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            So, when you talk about this pattern, something motivated you to write this question very recently.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            What happened to motivate you to write this question?

Dennis:            It was the fact that I had two weeks to myself continuously, and all of this kind of came up. There wasn't a situation. It was a realization about things that I've been doing for a minute with both people, both of those guys. My mind is blanking on a situation.

Jessica:            Interesting. Okay. So it's just like you became aware of your own pattern and dissatisfied with that.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Say your full name aloud again.

Dennis:            [redacted].

Jessica:            Okay. There's a lot of things. Do you date only white guys?

Dennis:            No.

Jessica:            Okay. These are not white guys.

Dennis:            One of them is. The other one isn't.

Jessica:            Okay. Is it the two-year guy?

Dennis:            Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. That's why it's standing out so strong. And he's like a white British guy?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah. Okay. Okay. Do you date people from the same cultural background as you?

Dennis:            I have.

Jessica:            Okay. Let me reframe that. Have you dated cis guys who have the same cultural background as you?

Dennis:            Yep.

Jessica:            Okay. I'm going to tell you the reason why I asked that.

Dennis:            Okay.

Jessica:            It's so layered. Sorry. I'm just trying to figure out how to turn it into something bite-sized to verbally communicate. There is a way that you⁠—your Saturn, man⁠—so strong⁠—is just like, "I am going to take all these parts of me. I'm going to put them in these cubbyholes. I'm going to organize them. I'm going to cut them into bite-sized pieces. I'm going to put them away. I'm going to manage them. I'm going to manage them." And you're laughing. Did that make sense?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. So you're putting them in cubbyholes. You're managing them. You're managing them. And then one of the things that it looks like you've really kind of put away is cultural. It's your own cultural background in the context of dating. Does this make sense to you?

Dennis:            I wouldn't say it's just in the context of dating.

Jessica:            But that's all we're talking about is dating. Yeah.

Dennis:            But I'm literally a refugee, and I think that's part of why I've done that.

Jessica:            Yeah. And I'm not saying that's right or wrong. I'm not saying that's maladjusted or really healthy because I actually don't think it's any/either. I think it's all the things. It depends on the context and the moment and the thing. But I am seeing, in order to have a really honest conversation with yourself about why you do the things you do in dating situations with people you have a crush on, to remove the cultural context, it's really hard to be completely honest with yourself when you do that.

Dennis:            I hear that.

Jessica:            Yeah, because the cultural context⁠—again, as I was saying, it's not just your lived experience. It's your epigenetic experience. It's generational. I mean, that's not even looking at your father's side of the family, which is so complicated. Oh God. That said, your dad's side of the family is in your genes. It's in you, right? It's you.

                        And there is a part of you that simply wants power in relationship. There is a part of the that's just like, "I will take power however I get it." And the quickest, cheapest way to get it is the way you get it. It's by being indispensable.

Dennis:            Can you say the last part again? Because I kind of⁠—yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. Yeah. It's the kind of quickest, cheapest-to-you way of getting⁠—well, short-term cheap⁠—of getting power in relationship is by being indispensable, doing things for other people that no one else really does, getting them in ways no one else really does, that kind of a thing. Does that make sense?

Dennis:            Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica:            That's thanks to Pluto. Fucking Pluto, man. It's always fucking Pluto. It's always Pluto. So some of that drive for power⁠⁠—we can look to your dad and your dad's side for it. That guy knows what power is, and he knows he wants it. And it makes sense why you wouldn't claim that part.

So the way that you're telling yourself this pattern functions is you're harming yourself. And part of what it is is just you fucking want power. You want power, and you're getting it. But you're not being completely honest with yourself about the drive for power and also the fucking complex realities of what that really is from your body, from the dynamic you're in, from the motivations that drive you, etc., etc., etc.

                        And I want to say power is hot. Power is fun. Power is responsibility. Power is not bad. Power is not good. Power is power. It's energy. And if you were to practice experiencing your impulses, drives, needs, desires around power⁠—with others. All the stuff we're talking about is contextual to the topic, right? Although we can apply it elsewhere, but let's stay focused.

If you were to be able to do that, then you would be able to navigate it with more intention and integrity. And then that feeling of self-harm through what you do would radically change. And I'm not saying it would completely go away, because it wouldn't. But it would change because some of what you do you do for power. And if you were honest with yourself and you were okay with accepting that, then you wouldn't feel disempowered by it. You would feel, "Okay. I got what I wanted, but I don't actually want it now that I'm out of that energy field or now that I'm out of that moment."

In relationship, part of what power is is getting them to want you, need you. And if they want you/need you but you're trying to be poly and you're not really sure what you feel about them and you're not really sure that you want to stay in that dynamic, then you've created⁠—Capricorn Rising, Saturn conjunction to the Rising⁠—a responsibility. Now you have to keep doing something.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. Good. I saw it drop. I saw it drop through the layers. So a traditional heterosexual or heterotypical dynamic, the way a thing looks, is actually really different than what's happening in reality with you in your relationship dynamics. Liking power is not bad.

Dennis:            I have a lot of shame about that.

Jessica:            Yeah. Of course you do⁠—again, your dad. But I want to say this, something that a very wise person once said to me many, many years ago⁠—keep it in the sheets. You want to fuck with power? Fuck with power. But fuck with power. You know what I mean? Because that's where it's fun. It can be very consensual. You're not creating responsibilities that you don't actually want to live with. You're creating expectations. Every time you're like, "I know how I can get power in this dynamic," you do it. You do it well. But now you're fucking responsible to it because you're not a dick.

Dennis:            At least I'm not a dick.

Jessica:            Yeah. You're not a dick, which is great. But then you're fucking yourself in a non-fun, as you've mentioned, not really fully intentional, consensual way. And so this is where I wonder, can this be more of how you flirt and less of what you do? Can this be more of how you fuck and less of what you do in relationship land?

Dennis:            I mean, I've fucked with kink. I really like kink.

Jessica:            I mean, with your chart, yes. Check. Green light. Go. Yes.

Dennis:            However, I don't think I've owned it.

Jessica:            Yeah. And you know what? Sex and kink, all that kind of stuff⁠—it's very much about you, and it's also about the right people at the right time. Not all forms of sex work with all partners. That's just fucking real. But I want to just give you this idea or this context that's a little different than how you've been holding it. You've been like, "Oh, I'm subjugating myself." Yeah, for sure, in some way. But in other ways, I actually think it's kind of the opposite. You're grabbing power, and then you're like, "I don't fucking want this. Why did I do this?"

                        And part of why you did it is because you like it in the moment. That's part of it. And so is that a kink just waiting to happen? I don't know. It may or may not be. But it's a lighter way to hold this topic than the way you've been holding it. Usually, when it comes to complex human impulses and emotions and psychological dynamics, it's a lot of "and alsos" as opposed to all this or all that. Your Saturn would like it to be all one thing. It's layered. It's going to be layered.

                        So I want to look at the two-year relationship, if I can. Is that okay, or do you not really want me to?

Dennis:            No, that's okay.

Jessica:            Say your full name; say his.

Dennis:            His name is [redacted].

Jessica:            He is exactly who he is. Yeah. And is it poly? Is it a poly agreement or a nonmonogamous agreement? What is the agreement?

Dennis:            It's a poly agreement.

Jessica:            Mm-hmm. And is he in other relationships or just has sex with other people?

Dennis:            He's seeing one other person both romantically and sexually, consistently for a few months, I think, and also has sex with other people, like other, other⁠—like third, fourth people.

Jessica:            Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah. I definitely see the latter. Why do you date him?

Dennis:            Good question.

Jessica:            Thank you. I'm really good at asking questions sometimes.

Dennis:            You know, I don't really know. We just kind of started dating and then continued dating. And it was like, "This is nice and it's been working," and we both kind of continued to do it.

Jessica:            So that's a really great answer. I'm not going to accept it, though. So do you love having sex with him?

Dennis:            For a long time, yes, it was really exciting. And then, lately⁠—

Jessica:            I love that you keep on answering the past. How about the present?

Dennis:            Lately, it's been less fun.

Jessica:            Yeah. More boring or just less good?

Dennis:            More boring.

Jessica:            Yeah. That's what it is. It's more boring. And is he an asset to your life outside of sex?

Dennis:            I would say so.

Jessica:            Mm-hmm. He's a good friend?

Dennis:            He's a great friend.

Jessica:            And do you have social connections?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. Yeah. It looks like you're dating him because you're dating him.

Dennis:            What do you mean when you say that?

Jessica:            I mean, first of all, the way you just laughed, I know you know exactly what I mean. Sorry, but I see your face. You're dating him because you're already dating him. You're not dating him because you're excited about seeing him. You're not dating him because it's going somewhere. You're not dating him because of what you're getting from⁠—the friendship is the friendship. If you were like, "Hey, let's stop dating," you'd still be friends. I don't see that that would end, because it's not involved enough to fuck up the friendship, given the kind of people you both are, right? I think you would be able to hold an evolution of the relationship.

                        You're dating him because you're dating him. That's what you're doing. There's no reason to stop. There's no reason to keep going. It's like you have a favorite pair of jeans, and then eventually they don't really fit you well anymore, but you're used to wearing them. And they don't fit you wrong. They're not ripped at the butt completely yet. You can keep wearing these jeans.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            That's part of your grief.

Dennis:            Oh.

Jessica:            That's part of your grief. The sun is setting. The bloom is wilting. You don't have to end anything now. You can wait until you have to end it. That is not a problem. But that's where we are. There's only so many years you can do something that's fine without it stop being fine.

Dennis:            Yeah. I know that.

Jessica:            Yeah. And there's something that you've become identified with in the stability of this dynamic.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            And that scares you. This⁠—I think we've found what's triggered the fucking⁠—where the sadness and the grief started to come up, yeah?

Dennis:            Yeah. I think this just⁠—like my heart rate is now up.

Jessica:            Yeah. Yeah. Sorry about that. But we got there. We got there. This whole reading, I was like⁠—the whole time, I'm like⁠—I have a conversation with my tarot cards while I'm doing readings to just be like⁠—because I knew we needed to talk about this guy, but the cards kept on being like, "Not yet. Nope. Not yet. Nope. Not yet." And then, finally, I was like, "Finally, we can talk about him."

                        All to say sticking with jeans, even the very best jeans⁠—eventually, they don't fit right anymore, even if your body hasn't changed at all. And that's what this is. It's revealing to you that there is a part of you that just really wants to be in a relationship, a really normal, easy, plug-and-play situation. It's not all of you. It's not most of you. But it's a part of you. And he has taken care of that for you for the past couple years, for the most part. And losing it is going to put you out to sea a little.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            And that's perfect. I know it's not what you want, but it's exactly on time. You get to feel sad. And if you wait until you're depressed, that's not a problem. You have a Saturn conjunction to your Rise⁠—no problem. You can always wait until you're depressed. But making space in your life for sad is just a good practice. It's a really good practice. And right now, because Uranus is sitting on top of your Moon, I don't think you'll be sad for as long as you typically would be.

                        You're not great at letting people go. You have a Moon/Pluto opposition. Even if you're poly, like very authentically poly, it is so hard for you to let people go. It's your chart. So you'll be sad about this evolution of the relationship whenever you execute on it. Because Uranus is conjunct your Moon, it'll be easier now than if you wait six months. That's a hot tip. That's a hot tip I just gave you.

                        You don't have to do things the easiest way. That's not your way, so that's fine.

Dennis:            No. I want to do it easy.

Jessica:            If you want to do it easy, I would talk to him about the reading.

Dennis:            He knows I'm getting this reading, and he's a fan of the pod.

Jessica:            Oh, great. Well, then, sorry. Sorry, cute, nice man. Just talk to him about it. Maybe the two of you decide that you evolve the relationship for now, and if you want to hook up later, then you cross that bridge. You know?

Dennis:            That's real. That's real.

Jessica:            Yeah. I don't think it needs to be behavioral big deal. Emotionally, it will be a big deal for you because you care. You're not that chill. And that's a beautiful thing. And having the astrological context is empowering, hopefully. Don't let it disempower you.

Dennis:            Definitely.

Jessica:            Okay. Good.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            And for now, Pluto is conjunct your North Node. That's why this topic is up. And that's why so much of what you're dealing with is trying to figure out how you can be yourself, take responsibility for yourself, and not fall into that pattern of your identity being contextual to other people. And that has so much to do with taking responsibility for how you act and your motivations and all that stuff, which⁠, again, you're well equipped to do. It's just like moving through all your shit. That's all. I'm sorry. It's terrible when I say things like that, when I'm like, "That's all it is. It's just healing everything." But that is where you're at.

                        Do you have any final question, or do you feel like we did what we came here to do?

Dennis:            I feel like we did. I am curious about the second relationship, though.

Jessica:            Ah. Okay. Hit me with it. What's his name?

Dennis:            [redacted].

Jessica:            What are you asking me about this relationship?

Dennis:            I don't know. I'm just wondering what's going on with it.

Jessica:            Why? Is it a relationship, or you're going on dates with this person at this time?

Dennis:            I'm going on dates with this person at this time with the intention of continuing to go on dates with this person at this time⁠—at future times. And it teeters between really intense and really cold, and I don't know if I can sustain that.

Jessica:            Yeah. So, when you say "it" teeters, you mean he teeters?

Dennis:            Well, our dynamic, but yeah, he also.

Jessica:            Do you feel cold towards him sometimes?

Dennis:            Yeah. I feel withdrawn.

Jessica:            Do you feel withdrawn with him because he's being withdrawn or cold with you?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Okay. So it's him. It's him. He's cold, and then you're like, "Fuck that. No." It's not that you're feeling cold towards him. It's that he's cold towards you, and you're like, "Fuck that."

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            He's an inconsistent person. He doesn't know who he is. I don't know how old he is, but he does not know who he is. And he is really deep, really intense, and really disassociative.

Dennis:            That is very real. Yeah.

Jessica:            Yes. Is he very good at sex?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah. Unfortunately, that's not an uncommon pairing. This is a great person for you to have sex with. This is a terrible person for you to date. That was a succinct thing I just said. I'm sorry because I know you have feelings for him. Who wouldn't have feelings for somebody that unavailable and good at sex? Isn't that just like a thing?

Dennis:            The thing is he's not that unavailable. He's always texting.

Jessica:            Yes, he is. Texting. Come on. You know what texting is, right? It's typing words.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            It's not the same as emotional availability. I'm sorry.

Dennis:            Oh.

Jessica:            To the younger millennials, the Gen Z, and eventually the Alphas, texting is not intimacy. It feels like intimacy because you're alone with the words on your screen, developing an emotional experience of tone and intent. But have you never texted three people at once?

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            Obviously, because it's easy to do. It's not intimate. It doesn't mean you can't have intimate exchanges over text. But somebody giving good text does not mean they know how to do intimacy. Somebody who's constantly texting you but not emotionally showing up in physical connection, like when you're actually on a date or even scheduling a date⁠—that person's not emotionally available.

                        People of the world, I make this announcement. That's what that means. That's what that means. And you're only confused because you've got great chemistry with him⁠—emotional chemistry, physical chemistry. That's why you're confused.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            I'd be confused. That looks fun. There are some dynamics that are meant to go in a particular way and only in a particular way. This guy⁠—I would not do sleepover parties with him. Sex in random locations⁠—let it be fun. Let it be weird. Let it be kinky. If you allow him into your personal space, you will probably experience more evidence of my assessment. That's just⁠—listen. What do I fucking know, honestly? And I don't mean that in an obnoxious way.

Dennis:            No, that's really real. I'm not like⁠—yeah.

Jessica:            He's a heartbreaker. And he's not a heartbreaker because he's like a typical fuckboy. He's a heartbreaker because his heart is so broken that he can't help but disappoint the people he really lets in.

Dennis:            Sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah. I know that story. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jessica:            Yeah. You've dated that person before.

Dennis:            Yeah, I have.

Jessica:            Sometimes you've been that person, I'm guessing.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            That is a real thing, and it is hot. So, again, this is where I say keep it in the sheets.

Dennis:            That's fair. And that's kind of what I've been thinking this dynamic is best for, actually.

Jessica:            It is. It's great for sex. But if the feelings are too strong and you're not being realistic with yourself about, "Actually, I would like sex-plus with this person," then make sure the next couple times you hook up really count. You know what I mean? And then move on. The only way to be healthy in relationships is to be honest with yourself about what you can do in a healthy way. And if you end it before it's fucking dramatic, then maybe this guy gets therapy. Maybe he has a come-to-Jesus. Maybe⁠—whatever. And he can come back to you, and no bridges were burned in the ending of this wonderful sex dynamic.

Dennis:            You know what's really funny is that the therapy and Jesus combo is just so true.

Jessica:            Is that his thing? Is that where he is right now?

Dennis:            Yes.

Jessica:            Yeah. I'm seeing it, and it's so messy. It's so messy.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            This person is a recipe for your pattern to come to fruition, to be in the role of girl who's trying to be available when he's available and take care of him and really get him. Yeah, he would make anyone feel like that. Doesn't matter their gender, because that's what he requires. He is a glorious mess. He is a spectacular person, but he is not available emotionally. And you are. Whatever you are⁠—I don't know what you think, what you say, what⁠—you are available emotionally. You are kind of always.

Dennis:            Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica:            You know what I mean? So you're like⁠—if you have feelings for somebody and you have energy with somebody and you are like a really accountable, responsible, "My love language is showing up," person, then you can't date someone like him because he'll hurt your feelings. And it will be unfair and inequitable, which will trigger all kinds of shit like we've talked about.

Dennis:            Yeah. That's real.

Jessica:            Yeah. I would say, with him, eh-eh.

Dennis:            That's cool. That's cool. I hear you. I hear you.

Jessica:            Good. And also, sorry.

Dennis:            No. That's for the better.

Jessica:            It is for the better, but it's always the ones who are the best at sex. It's such a bummer. But also, whatever. You're fine. You've got Gemini on your fifth-house cusp. You've got Mars sitting in there. You'll find great people to have sex with. That's not going to be your problem in life.

Dennis:            Yeah.

Jessica:            So many problems. That's not yours.

Dennis:            That's not one.

Jessica:            That's not one. That's not one. And that is your reading, my dear.

Dennis:            Thank you so much.

Jessica:            It's so my pleasure.